


The Fallout

by ocdindeed



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Angst, Bamf!Bella, Canon-Typical Behavior, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Crossing Timelines, F/M, Family Dynamics, Long-Ass Mofo Story, Lost Love, POV First Person, POV Original Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-31
Updated: 2012-03-31
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:48:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 39
Words: 314,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28835853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ocdindeed/pseuds/ocdindeed
Summary: *Takes place during New Moon in an alternate universe.On March 16, 2006, the World changed, and everything and anything that the Cullens ever cared about was lost. They had to find their own way in this New World. Edward never wished to exist in a world where Bella didn't. Unfortunately, his family desperately needed him, so he'd stay to help them. And by doing so, he hoped to redeem himself for his failure to save the one creature he couldn't protect.With rumours in the South of humans feeding off the living and stealing people from their beds, the Cullens have a responsibility to protect the ones they can from those monsters in the night. This was Edward's last chance to fight for his soul and his salvation. He would finally be ready to face Judgement day and be deemed worthy enough to be with Bella once again. Or would something or someone change the path he was destined to go down? Faith, hope and love are powerful things, and Edward is about to find out just how powerful they are.
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan
Kudos: 3





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published on FF.net from March 2009-2012.  
>  ****There's NOTHING NEW here. No edits since originally posted on FF.net. I've just compiled accounts and stories under my original pseud. (Owning up to it all!)**  
>  There are a million things I would change about this story if I were to go back and revisit, namely the length. (So don't come at me for that.) But I started it in 2008 and finished in 2012. It was the first thing I'd ever written and it was a dark time in my life, having just lost a dear friend to cancer. It was absolutely a labour of love and I learned SO MANY things while writing it and met so many amazing people whom I now call friends. Thank you.

* * *

**Prologue**

  
_"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought,_  
_but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."_  
_—Albert Einstein_  


* * *

Those who survived called it World War III, but I doubt you could call it a world war. At least not like the wars our kind were used to witnessing. There was no strategy, no declaration of war and there were no troops because there were no battles. The biggest fear from the Cold War era had come true. It was just a push of a few buttons made by men who sat safely in their bunkers, making decisions that would affect mankind forever. They weren't even sure who fired the first missile; China, North Korea, Iraq, Iran? It didn't matter because the Western world fought back. As far as the free world was concerned, they had every right to defend their nations. No country was left untouched by these actions; everyone was affected, including our kind…Vampires.

Only a quarter of the world's population had died in the initial bombings on March 16, 2006. But the radioactive dust managed to contaminate everything. Within a few weeks, people started showing symptoms of radiation poisoning. It was such a horrific way to die, and if you weren't prepared for what was to follow, you would have wished for the quick death that the blasts had so mercifully delivered. It had always been a theoretical concept made by scientists, that a change in global climate would follow a large scale nuclear war. It might not have been the great proportion they had speculated, but a nuclear winter did follow, and for almost two years the world never saw the sun. Five years later, half or perhaps more than half of the world's population was dead. Most of those deaths were attributed to exposure, starvation, plagues, and more importantly anarchy. That is to say that they died from the breakdown of the social infrastructure that they so regularly depended upon for day to day survival.

The world had erupted in chaos. Humanity followed soon after. There was no government, no law and morality was something that most humans had long forgotten. There was wide spread pandemonium in the beginning amongst the survivors. Humans not immediately affected by the radiation poisoning were convinced those showing symptoms were contagious. The areas or cities that had managed to survive the blast radii established barriers, gated areas that kept out the sick. These barriers eventually became what we now know as Districts. There were too many Districts to count, and they were spread all over the country, at least in what was formerly known as the good ol' U.S. of A. There wasn't much news from other parts of the world as to how they were faring.

Each District was surrounded with barbed wire and any kind of metal that would form a barrier to keep people in, and more importantly keep people out. They isolated the healthy humans from the sick ones. As soon as someone would show signs or symptoms of sickness, they would be cast outside the barriers. The sick were not contagious; it was the dust that carried the radiation that was. Of course many of the educated survivors argued these actions, but when the world erupted in widespread social disorder, the strong outweighed the intelligent, and mob mentality won out. Eventually, people stopped protesting, no one risked going against a violent mob, for they risked being cast aside along with the sick. There were no exceptions to the laws that were imposed. They were harsh, and judgment and punishment was swiftly served. The Districts became organized, militarized and functioned in a highly dysfunctional way.

Those who didn't die outside the barriers, moved on in search of help, food and shelter. There were rumors surfacing as to what happened to these people. Forced to steal, murder and pillage their way across the country to survive, they became extremely violent. The Districts lived in fear of them, and they eventually became what we now know them as, the _Ravagers_. A roving group of maniacs bitter and cruel and hell bent on revenge. It was all very 'Mad Max,' and it was extremely difficult to accept the reality of it all. We had lived through many things, but this was unfathomable.

It hadn't been as difficult for our kind. Vampires for the most part, survived the war, at least the ones that were outside of the blast radii. The fallout or radiation didn't directly affect us, but the biological changes of the animals and humans from the irradiation did. The animals died, and many of the humans were "poisoned" and their blood was no good to us. There was a shortage of "food" which was a becoming problem. There was another war beginning, and our family's future was uncertain.

My family, the seven of us, had been prepared. We had Alice to thank for that. She had known what was coming to an extent, which allowed us all of the preparation time we needed. We were extremely well stocked with private caches hidden all over the country filled with exactly what we required to survive, as well as supplies to help the humans as best we could. Carlisle, my father for all intents and purposes, was adamant that he had as many medical supplies and equipment as we could manage. Esme wanted a greenhouse in each of the caches, so she could stock up on seeds, soil and anything else she would be able to grow after the bombs hit to help the humans with their inevitable fresh food shortage. The rest of us wanted to make sure that we protected as many essential electronic devices, including kitted-out vehicles, from the Electro-Magnetic Pulses that would follow each bomb. We knew that just one strategically placed nuclear device would disable electric power and communications on the ground as well as satellites, rendering all communications useless. We made sure we shielded everything we were going to need. Even my brother insisted we protect his coveted PlayStation and all that went along with it. Not exactly a necessity, but to him it was, so we overlooked it. We would make the best of this, and do what we did best … live on.

For the past ten years, we had become our own militarized unit, moving from District to District helping where we could. We had only one rule: never separate. It was too dangerous and difficult to find each other without the modern conveniences technology provided. We had been constantly on the move, never staying in one place too long. The fact that we looked as if we thrived, while humans continued to deteriorate, could draw some unwanted attention. The world was lawless, and we were trying to find our way in it, because it was just as new to us. So in turn, we became the Nomads we so desperately never wanted to be for all those years, and it was wearing on each of us.

We had been able to warn as many of our vampire friends as possible. Carlisle had managed to convince them of what was coming and each of them took him seriously, knowing of Alice's omniscient gift all too well. We were prepared, for the most part. We had no idea where the bombs would hit, or the extent of what was to happen, but we were ready. What we had not been prepared for was what to become of _our_ kind.

My family was always my first concern. That was the only reason why I was here, in what was formerly known as Texas, breaking the Family's only rule. It had been ten years since the end of the former world, and there were rumblings amongst the Districts of a colony of people that didn't age, didn't get sick and had turned to cannibalism. The Districts were passing this off as the Ravagers and concluding that the radiation poisoning had done something to affect their brains. But we knew differently. Something was brewing in the south. The Vampires were being careless and we needed to find out what was happening.

So I made a visit to the one person I had hoped to never lay eyes on again. It wouldn't be easy to get an audience with her, but she never could resist my charms and was more than curious as to why I would show up on her territory alone. I was taking a risk by being here, but we didn't have a choice. I needed to find out what was happening to protect my family.

Never in my 172 years on this earth could I have imagined what I saw as I turned the corner to the inner chamber where she had led me. The chamber itself was dark and cavernous, and I could tell that it extended far beyond what my eyes could see. It was filled with filth and refuse, and there were scatterings of human belongings everywhere. To my right, about hundred feet from me, was a large cage-like structure with about thirty or so vampires gathered around it. Not one of them gave me a second glance, so I assumed visitors were common with Maria. My eyes swept the cage and my breath caught as I stumbled backward reaching for the wall for support. To say I was shocked at what lay before me was an understatement. Maria turned to me, obviously perplexed at the erratic emotions projecting from me. Shock, disbelief, anger, sadness, relief, love and lastly fear. I was _afraid_ of what I saw. What did this mean for us?

"Jasper, I see nothing has changed with you. _Still_ a mess of emotions. I thought after all these years you would have better control. You disappoint me somewhat," she spoke brazenly.

I did have control, I always did. What I saw before me shook my resolve to the core. I needed to compose myself. I could not, for any reason, have Maria privy to my thoughts or suspect I recognized anything.

"I must say, I'm a bit surprised as to how organized you are, Maria. I see you've stepped up your game," I responded casually with a smirk. I had been a part of this life many years ago, but this was more than I could have imagined. She had raised an army far greater than anything we had ever put together, I could tell from the guards she had placed around each of the entrances. But it wasn't the numbers that shocked me; it was what was at the heart of those numbers that frightened me. I could swear my supernatural eyes were betraying me. I wasn't sure if what I was seeing was real, and in that instant, there was nothing more important to me than to get out of here alive and back to my family. I needed to play her game and I would, no matter what the cost. I would do anything she asked me to, because for a brief moment, I thought I was staring at my redemption. Maria's snide voice woke me from my thoughts.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. You never did truly grasp our potential." She laughed as she trailed her finger down my chest to the waist of my jeans. She grabbed my belt pulling me closer to her. "And now my power is endless with the army I have gathered." She raised her scarlet eyes to look into my golden ones. "I heard you changed your diet. Did your _wife_ survive?"

I stared back at her not willing to give her what she wanted. It was always a power struggle with Maria, and I knew exactly how far I could go with her. I needed to stand my ground and act indifferent or she would be capable of ending me right then. I would not give her the satisfaction of revealing anything about my family. Their names would not be spoken in this wretched place.

I blinked at her while raising one side of my lip in a sneer of sorts. She was just inches from my face, but I didn't move. "Just what do you have planned this time, Maria?" I changed the subject to avoid her question. "The world is already in turmoil, what more could you possibly need?"

She laughed and stepped away from me pushing me backward. "Oh, dear Jasper, don't you know? What I _want_ , is to not live in hiding anymore. We don't need to live in the depths of the shadows any longer. The time of the vampire is _now_.

"I _want_ to walk in the sunlight and proudly display what I am. And I want to feed on humans when I see fit and they will feed my army, and do my bidding." She finished with a curt smile, like she was having a conversation with me about the weather, not enslaving the human race.

"The humans are a lost race, their time is over. It's our time now and they are ours for the taking _,_ Jasper … _finally."_ Her eyes were wild with desire as she smiled at her own words.

"And just how do you suppose you will do that?" I asked, nonchalantly flicking a piece of dirt from my shirt trying my best to amuse her antics.

"With my _gift_." Her eyes alighted at the word gift. "The Volturi are dead. There is no one to stop us." She motioned her arm toward the right corner of the chamber, toward the cage and other vampires, the same area that was the cause of my initial shock. "No one can stop me, not with _this_ gift."

"What does that mean? What is this _gift_ you are referring to? Show me." I feigned indifference even though my insides were turning as I tried to control my emotions. I desperately wanted her to bring me further into the chamber so I could reassure myself that what I was seeing was an illusion. A sick and twisted delusion my mind was playing on me cruelly.

She looked at me with hesitation and then a knowing smile crossed her face. "I don't think so. No. I can't have you telling my secrets now can I, Jasper? I know where your loyalties are, and they are definitely not to me. I can see from your face, but it's your _eyes_ that give you away. You would never join me again, so no, this is as far as you get. Besides, my little pet doesn't play so well with strangers."

I struggled to control the panic. I just needed to get closer. I needed to reassure myself that what I saw was not real. But I couldn't push Maria any further. After living with her and sharing a bed with her after all those years, I knew she was volatile and could change her mind on a whim.

I made a non-committal laugh. "Maria, I never understood your need for all this power, and for your sake I hope you are right about the Volturi." I turned on my heel going back the way we came. I needed to get out of here, because I needed to breathe fresh air. I stifled a laugh at the irony of my thoughts.

"They died in the blasts, Jasper!" she yelled after me. "They're all dead!"

I could feel a trace of her panic as she processed my words.

"Besides, they can't touch me!" She was convincing herself more than me. I played on her doubt and projected it back to her.

" _Jasper_ , _"_ she hissed as she caught up to me, "I'm not appreciating your little talent right now. I know what you're doing."

I laughed again. "And what is that, Maria? Amplifying the doubt that's already embedded in your mind? See _that_ is why I don't want to be a part of this. If there is any chance the Volturi are still alive, I don't want to be around when they come looking for you." I drawled out my last words without a hint of the anxiety I was feeling.

She grabbed my jaw and forced me to look at her. "What _do_ you want, Jasper? Why did you come here?"

"I thought there might be a place for me here, but I don't want a part of _this_."

I fought back and grabbed her wrists pushing her up against the wall. Two of her guards moved closer to me waiting for her to give the order to stop me. I let her go and raised my hands in defense. "No harm done, gentlemen." The guards relaxed a little but did not move from their place on either side of me. "I'm tired of feeding from sickly animals." I shrugged, hoping she wouldn't see through my façade. "I'm done trying to live like the _Cullens_." I felt the guard to the right of me stiffen at the word _Cullen_ and I could feel the curiosity and anxiety rolling off of him. I stole a quick glance at him before continuing and could swear I saw a slight grimace in his expression.

"But I see there is nothing here for me, Maria. So I'll go and leave you to your delusions of grandeur." I laughed trying to ease the tension, projecting calm to those around me.

Maria smoothed down her dress. "That's right, no harm done , yet. But you'll stay for a bit , won't you, baby?" I recognized Maria's tone and knew this was a rhetorical question.

"Of course, as you wish, Maria."

"Boys, please show Jasper to my chamber."

I wanted nothing more than to get back to my family, I had too. I had to let them know what I had seen, for everyone's sake. Already the scenarios were playing through my head as to how I could make my escape. I was observing as much as I could without notifying anyone of what I was doing. I was counting the exits, the guards, and the thickness of the walls, anything that would be useful. If there was a way out, then there would surely be a way back in. If I managed to make it out of here intact, we would come back, all seven of us. I just had no idea how we were going to do it, but we would come and claim what was ours. I would do whatever it took for this second chance, and more importantly to make it up to him, my brother. But this isn't my story of redemption. This is no longer my story to tell … it's Edward's.


	2. As You Sow So Shall You Reap

**CHAPTER 1**

**-:-As You Sow So Shall You Reap-:-**

* * *

**2016 -:- Present Day**

Every creature has a basic instinct for survival. It was just nature, well, for everyone except me. I died ten years ago, but if you want to get technical, it's been ninety-eight years since my heart stopped beating. But the death I count was ten, long years ago, the exact moment the world erupted in chaos and the one creature that I failed to protect, the one I cherished the most, ceased to exist, along with more than a quarter of the world's population.

It had been a decade since we had stepped foot in _that_ house. I wondered what would be there for us when we returned. I was sure Carlisle knew what waited for us, he wouldn't have suggested going back if he didn't. I wondered if we were ready, if we had healed enough to go back. So much had happened since the day we left Forks ten years ago. I even wondered if our time there was real, if any of it was.

I remembered I was happy, the only time in my miserably long existence. A few short months of happiness when you have to live an eternity didn't seem like much, especially when you have already been on this earth for hundred and fifteen years. A few shorts months when you had eternity is like a few short minutes to a human, easily forgotten. At least you would think so. But I remembered everything; every touch, every smile, every breath, everything as if it happened only yesterday.

It was completely against my family's wishes to leave Forks, but I had made the decision, and we were a family so they respected my choice. After what had happened at Bella's birthday party, I couldn't live with myself knowing that her life was at risk all the time just by being with me. She deserved a happy life, a long life filled with milestones such as marriage and children. I didn't want her to become a monster like me. I could not accept that. She was my everything, and I would not take her soul. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, leaving her, my life was forfeit without her, but I would go on, knowing that she had a chance at a normal life.

I chided myself, remembering a time when I said to her, "As long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly." I was a fool to speak of hell so easily, for now I was living in it, every day for the past decade.

I remembered my thoughts, the personal turmoil I had felt when I made the decision to leave her. I knew I couldn't continue to risk her life by staying with her. I really was the selfish monster I had always thought I was. How could I deny a normal life for her? I had taken a great deal of personal effort to keep her alive, but I risked her life everyday just by being near her. _That_ risk outweighed all the others, so I made the decision to leave, to let her _live._ Our world was not for her, and I had to make it like we never existed. I remembered how I thought it was a clean break, not even imagining the damage I would do to her. I had hoped she would move on in time, even though I knew I never would. There was no way I could have foreseen what was to become of the world. Even if I had, what would I have done? Knowing what I do now, would I have still changed her so we could live in this hell together?

I knew the answer to that. For a fleeting moment, when everything had seemed so dire and urgent, my answer had been yes. I would have changed her, because I was selfish. I had wanted her alive, or our version of alive and that meant changing her to cheat death. But I was never given the chance and there was nothing I could do about it now. It had been a decade, and Bella was gone. Maybe I was silently happy that she wasn't alive to endure all this pain and misery. She was in a better place than any of us—I had no doubt about that. But I was still a selfish creature, and I longed for her every day.

As we continued to drive over the bleak, desolate land of what was once our thriving country, our home, I thought back to those final days and the desperation and terror I put myself and my family through to find her. Our family had been living in the North-East, close to the Canadian border when Alice got her first vision of what was to come. I still remembered it clearly. It still played out in my mind every now and then.

**2006 **-:-** Past Memories**

We were in the living room, sitting across from each other on Esme's white leather couches, and Alice was trying her best to convince me to go back to Forks. We had been having this argument almost every day for the last six months since we left. Jasper had still not forgiven himself for what happened at Bella's party, despite my efforts to convince him otherwise. If it wasn't that incident, it would have been another one. With Bella's track record, it was bound to happen sooner or later. Bella's birthday was just an eye-opener for me, and reaffirmed that I was living a lie. Of course Alice had other ideas about Bella's life, and that was where our arguments usually stemmed from. I think she would just argue with me to provoke me into some sort of reaction. I hadn't spoken, or eaten much since we left and I did my best to avoid the others. I couldn't be around them anymore, I just wanted to be left alone to wallow in my own grief, and I knew I was making them miserable.

The rest of the family had left for Denali for a visit, and I had planned to be gone by the time they came back. Alice, of course, had a vision of my plans and told the others she and Jasper wanted to stay behind with me. She didn't tell the others what I was going to do, knowing it would break Esme's heart. I didn't mind that Alice knew of my plans, it wasn't going to make a difference. She would try and sway me of my decision, but I was resolved to leave, and there wasn't anything that she could say to make me stay.

When Alice and I got into these debates, Jasper would extricate himself to another part of the house. He hated the conflict, and despite his love for Alice, he often thought it might be better for all of them if I did leave. I was never upset by his thoughts. I knew they were driven out of the guilt of what he had done. He could feel everything I was feeling, and that only served to compound his guilt. He was hoping that if he didn't have to see me or feel my deteriorating self every day, he might be able to get over his remorse. That was why I needed to leave. The family walked on eggshells around me, and I couldn't be responsible for their unhappiness any longer. They would be happier if I wasn't hanging around, because I _had_ become the ill-tempered and belligerent old man that I should have been had I remained human.

_You're leaving again._

I nodded, without looking at her.

_You're going to make her sad._

"Alice, you can't change my mind. Please, I need to do this," I pleaded with her.

"Edward, how can you be so selfish? You can't leave. You'll break Esme's heart even further. She loved Bella like a daughter and if you—"

"I know _exactly_ what she meant to everyone. I _hear_ it every day," I said bitterly.

She looked at me and frowned. _We should go back. I think she needs us._

"I told you not to look for her. Leave her future alone."

_I haven't! And you would know if I did. But don't you just want to see?_

"No," I said with finality. Of course I wanted to _see_ , but I couldn't tell Alice that. Bella needed to be safe, and not have me in her life. Alice interfering would only weaken my resolve to stay away from her.

She sighed, walking over to sit beside me. _This is tearing you apart, tearing all of us apart._ "You deserve to be happy too," she spoke aloud. I knew she was hoping the sound of her voice would make a difference in my decision.

"No," I said quietly. I could tell she picked up on my hesitation, so I continued, earnestly, trying to convince her best that I could. "I want her to move on. I want her to live a life she deserves, and I can't give her that."

"And what about you, Edward? Don't you deserve that kind of life?"

I scoffed at the word 'life.' _Life_? No, that would imply being alive. I was dead. An abomination. No, this was the life I was destined to live. I was a monster and did not deserve an angel such as Bella.

 _Don't underestimate Bella._ Alice thought, as if she was the one who could read minds. _If you would just give her a chance—_

"No. You know I can't, Alice." I dropped my head in my hands. "I won't do that to her. Please don't ask me to." I sighed as we sat beside each other in silence. What Bella wanted and what was good and right for her were two entirely separate things.

"I'll come back." I raised my head looking into her eyes, pleading. "I promise. I just need some time."

Alice forced out a breath she didn't need. She knew all too well that I would be coming back, I didn't need to explain it anymore. But I knew she wanted to hear me say it.

"You're going to try to find Victoria." _Maybe Jasper and I could come with you._

I shook my head. "They'll need you to look out for them if I'm gone. Besides, think of Esme, do you want to rip her family in two?

"I'll try to track _Victoria._ " I clenched my jaw as her name passed my lips. "I need to make sure she isn't a threat." The last vision Alice had of Victoria was that she was in South America, safely far away from Bella. But I needed to make sure she meant no harm to her. I needed to get close to her and read her thoughts. If there was any chance of danger, I would eliminate her.

"Well, I haven't had any flashes of anything new …." She closed her eyes, in that all too familiar way when she looked to the future.

I tapped into her mind, wanting to see exactly what she would see. A few seconds passed when a bright flash invaded our minds and brought Alice to her knees. I shared her agony and crumpled to the floor along with her, clutching my head in pain. Neither of us could make sense of the images. There were too many. They came too fast, and the idea of them was so implausible. It was as if the gates of Hell had opened up and the earth was swallowed in flame. Both of us were writhing on the floor as the constant barrage of images flooded our minds. They were filled with suffering and pain, and we were both screaming in anguish. I reached out to her, trying to grab hold of something good, but just as suddenly as the vision came, it left, and then there was only darkness. Jasper came running into the room and swooped Alice up in his arms.

"Alice, are you okay?" A look of terror crossed his face. "What the hell was that?" He carried her over to the couch and sat down with her in his lap. She couldn't speak, and just turned her head into his chest. He threw me a pointed look, as if I was to blame for what had just transpired. "Edward?" he demanded, expecting answers.

"I, I don't know." I shook my head and squeezed my temples trying to erase the pain.

"I could feel it all from upstairs. It was a frenzy of emotions. Then there was just despair. So powerful it knocked me backward. What did you do to her?" He continued to glare at me accusingly while he caressed Alice's back, trying to ease her suffering.

"Jasper, it wasn't Edward," she spoke just above a whisper.

He looked at me, his face softening, but his eyes and his thoughts were full of questions.

"It was all so fast and too many images to make sense of it all." I ran my hands through my hair, gripping it tightly.

A calming sensation fell over us as Jasper did his best to help us get through it. I walked over to them kneeling in front of Alice. "Do you have any idea what that was?"

"No." She closed her eyes. "No more than you, Edward. It was too much, like you said. The images were too fast. It was like …"

"Hell had made its way to earth," I finished for her.

"Yes," she whispered, and shivered at the idea of what we saw coming to life.

"We need Carlisle."

.

THE FAMILY CAME HOME within twenty-four hours of Alice's first vision. Jasper had called them asking they return immediately. He didn't divulge anything, but the family did not hesitate and did not ask any questions. We gathered around the kitchen as soon as they arrived. From their thoughts, they were confused, but this wasn't the first time a family meeting had been called like this, so no one was apprehensive, at least not until they saw Alice's face. In the last twenty-four hours she had withdrawn completely. She looked as though she hadn't fed in weeks when it was actually only days.

We moved into the dining room sitting around the large, polished oval table. It wasn't like we ever used this room, but whenever something serious needed to be discussed, Carlisle gathered us around the table in a conference of sorts. We made decisions as a family, always discussing them together, everyone having an equal say. This was something Carlisle was always adamant about. And we followed him because he was the soul of our family, and a leader worth following.

Esme was the last to walk into the room, and made her way over to the seat beside Carlisle. She took one look at Alice, changed her direction and headed straight for her, gathering her into her arms. Her motherly instincts kicked in.

"What has happened?" she asked warmly but full of concern. If Carlisle was the soul of the family, Esme was its heart and everything she did was an act of pure love.

Jasper and I tried our best to describe what we saw and felt. It was a lot more difficult than we thought it would be. We didn't have any answers. We didn't have much to go on, but we weren't the only ones at a loss for words. No one had any answers. Hours passed as we ran through scenarios, a sort of a brainstorm session trying to make sense of it all.

"You said Alice was looking for Victoria?" Carlisle asked me.

"Yes, but she didn't get a chance to find her. It just … just happened. I don't think it has anything to do with her."

"It's got to be something with the Volturi," Rosalie said condescendingly. "They must be coming after us because of _her._ " _Edward, this is all your fault. If you had just left the human alone…_

"It was nothing like that," I snapped. "There were too many humans involved in Alice's vision. The Volturi would never risk that."

"What about Maria? Would she gather another army?" Carlisle looked to Jasper.

Jasper shook his head. "No, she's got ambitions, but none that would cause that much anguish. This was much bigger than anything she could cause. Besides, she operates within the Volturi rules ever since the last uprising."

"Alien Invasion!"

"Emmett!" Rosalie smacked him on the back of the head. "Be serious for once."

"I am serious! It's like 'War of the Worlds' but in reality. Who'd have thought Vampires were real? Are aliens that much of a stretch?"

I laughed at Emmett's thoughts. I had to hand it to the guy, he did know how to cut the tension.

"Right, jackass! Like an alien invasion is coming to take over and destroy the world!" Rosalie rolled her eyes as they continued to bicker.

I looked at Carlisle's sullen face. He was thinking hard about something. I hadn't been paying attention.

_A war to end all wars. A world war that starts and ends with the push of a button—_

"No, Carlisle. No way, there's no chance of that." Everyone turned to look at me, then back at Carlisle.

 _Why not, Edward? You've lived through at least three wars, some of us more._ His eyes shifted to Jasper. _We all went through the Cuban Missile Crisis and the Cold War—we know it's a possibility. The threat of a nuclear war has always been a reality._

"You're wrong. Dead wrong." I glared not wanting to admit what I knew deep down might be right. The visions were taking form, and I could make a bit more sense of them with Carlisle's theory.

"Okay enough, dear, fill us in please." Esme reached for Carlisle's hand. "I don't like the look on either of your faces."

"The images you and Alice have described, lead to this. It's the only thing that fits, Edward."

"What!" Everyone responded in unison.

Carlisle cleared his throat before speaking delicately, "Nuclear war."

Emmett snorted and rolled his eyes. "I like my theory better."

No one laughed at him this time. We were all silent as we processed Carlisle's words. I looked over at Alice, and if it were at all possible, she was even paler than before. Esme brought her other hand up to her mouth, and slowly shook her head from side to side in disbelief.

Rosalie broke the silence. "What do we do? How do we stop it?"

No one answered her, because again, no one had an answer.

"Alice, can you pinpoint a time? We need to know when this is going to happen, _that_ is imperative." Carlisle leaned across the table and grasped her hand that was intertwined with Esme's.

Shaking her head, she answered gravely, "This vision wasn't like my usual visions. There wasn't anything specific. I didn't see anyone. It was different, and there hasn't been another one since. It's like everything is just fuzzy, almost like static."

"Well, not all of your visions have come to pass. It might just have been a fleeting moment. Can you see anything else? Like concentrate on a vision of the future, like maybe Rose and Emmett's umpteenth wedding." Carlisle chuckled trying to lighten the mood.

She shook her head again. "That's just it—I see _nothing_. It's like it's turned off or shorted out. _There's nothing!"_ she yelled, turning back to Jasper's chest wrapping her arms around him.

"Sssh, it's okay." I felt Jasper's soothing words to her as he continued to project his power. _Edward, can you see anything in Alice's mind?_

I discreetly shook my head and looked down. Alice was right. It was like looking at a TV screen filled with static. There was nothing.

Esme stood up with a frantic look on her face. "We have to warn people." She looked as if she was about to jump out of her skin. The fierce lioness was resurfacing as she thought of ways to protect us all. Her mind was racing through all kinds of scenarios, and each one of them ended with the destruction of those she loved so dearly and her being left alone. She started to panic, and I looked at Carlisle and Jasper, silently speaking with my eyes to comfort her. Immediately we all felt the effects from Jasper.

Carlisle gathered Esme in his arms. "We'll figure this out," he said.

"How can you say that? How can you promise me that this will all work out? I can't lose _any_ of them, Carlisle. I won't!" She sobbed. "Not again."

I could hear everyone's thoughts as the panic started to set in. _There is so much to do. Where will we go? How can we stop this? This changes everything._ My head was spinning out of control, images and voices flashed through my brain. I couldn't concentrate, my world was crashing down around me, and I started to panic as well. I tried to focus on my own thoughts, when one image, one face from the recesses of _my_ brain made it to the surface. I could see it so clearly above all the others invading my mind, the fear took hold of me and I clutched my head between my hands yelling at my family to stop. My family froze, as I lifted my head staring solemnly at each one of them.

I whispered one word, "Bella."


	3. He Who Hesitates is Lost

**CHAPTER 2  
**

****-:-** He Who Hesitates is Lost **-:-****

* * *

**2016 -:- Present Day**

The family never talked about our time in Forks, they knew it was too painful for me. I was surprised Carlisle had suggested we go back. We were running a risk by going back to Forks so soon. We tended to wait until at least one generation had passed, but frankly we were out of options. We were tired of being constantly on the move and we didn't have anywhere else to go. The area around Vancouver and Seattle had been hit, so we hoped Forks had been abandoned. Carlisle had assured us the house still stood after all these years, however it wasn't in the best of conditions. I wasn't sure how he knew this, and he wasn't volunteering that information either, but I knew he wouldn't lead us astray.

Our family was hoping the food supply would be a little bit better on the West coast, under the cover of the forest. We couldn't continue living the way we were anymore. Every one of us was exhausted and spent, and we needed a place where we felt safe, hoping to start over in the only place we had ever truly called 'home.'

As we passed from District to District, we started hearing the rumors and stories of a new District in the South. We'd heard the rumblings for a few years now, which was another reason we wanted to go back to Forks; we needed to establish a base do some investigating without having to worry about being constantly on the move, and together all the time.

Something was brewing in the South and we needed to find out where the rumors stemmed from. There were whispers of those who could not die; people who didn't age, didn't get sick and drank blood to survive. The Districts warned us of these _Ravagers_ , people who were cast out, sick from the radiation who would steal, murder and pillage their way across the country. They were an extremely violent group and the Districts lived in fear of them. They feared the radiation did something to their brains which drove them to their derangement or worse cannibalism.

But we knew differently. The vampires were starving, like the humans, and they were risking everything to survive. And like the humans, our leaders were just as absent. Our laws were being broken, and this did not bode well for any of us. We had co-existed peacefully for thousands of years, and now the world had changed, theirs and ours. The creation of the Districts caused a lot of problems for the vampire. Nomadic by nature, they couldn't exactly stroll in and out of these highly defensive and extremely paranoid Districts to feed freely. We knew these "raids" that the humans of spoke of, people being taken by these Ravagers, were possibly not the work of humans at all. Carlisle felt it was paramount we discover the truth behind the rumors, because he knew our family would be at risk along with so many others, vampire and human alike.

As we drove into Forks, or what was left of the main part of town, images flashed through my mind of what it used to be like. I was feeling even more uneasy if that was possible. The town had indeed changed, and that was an understatement. There was no town of Forks, it was completely abandoned, just as we thought. After the war, many of the small towns too far from the larger cities slowly died away. They just couldn't survive without the support of the larger Districts. It was difficult to see these 'ghost towns' as we passed from former state to state, but after a while they all looked the same, even Forks.

We drove past the High School, and I grimaced at the site of it. The windows were all gone and the roof had caved in. It was a shell of what I remembered it to be. More images flashed through my head, biology lab, microscopes, the lunchroom, a bottle cap. I silently moaned for everything that was lost as I absently reached into my pocket, feeling the edges of the worn cap that I had managed to hold on to after all these years. I turned my head away from the window, I couldn't look anymore. I didn't know if I could handle this, I had lost so much after we left, we all did.

_Edward, are you okay?_ Esme asked me silently, knowing my memories were rushing back. I shrugged not wanting to break my silence and gave her a quick smile, but I knew I wasn't fooling her. She gave me a sympathetic smile in return and touched my shoulder lovingly. I could hear the rest of my family in the other vehicles desperately trying to keep their thoughts at bay. I was grateful, but it wasn't helping. I closed my eyes, thinking about all the regretful decisions I had made in my life.

Why did I leave her? Why didn't I change her? Why didn't I find her in time?There were so many "whys" that I couldn't answer and I had been slowly driving myself mad with them over the last great difficulty,I opened my eyes, only to see Carlisle's reflecting back at me in the review mirror.

_Son, I know how painful this must be for you. I can't imagine what all this is bringing up. I can't express the gratitude and love for you and all you have done for this family._ I winced as I thought back to those early days and what we had gone through. Nodding my head at him, I turned to look out the window again.

The only reason I was alive right now was out of duty to my family. I owed them for so many things, and they needed me. I was not about to let anyone else down. I would do this . I would get them through this and I would die doing so. It was as simple as that.

I always said I wouldn't live in a world without Bella. And I would make good on that promise. I would see her again in the next life and she would be waiting for me. I just hoped she was watching me, knowing I was redeeming myself for her. For my failure to save her and leaving her to fend for herself.

I did believe God and Heaven existed, because I had seen Hell. I had been living it every day for the last ten years. This was my chance at salvation, my only hope at seeing her again in the next life. It was all I clung to, because I couldn't continue if I didn't hang on to that belief. I would see my family safe and happy once again, and then I would leave this godforsaken place and pray that God judged me worthy to be with Bella again. I had to believe that.

.

WE PASSED THROUGH THE town and over the bridge of what was once the Calawah River, long since dried up. The winding road northward had always been overgrown with the encroaching forest. The canopy used to create a giant blanket making the sun impenetrable to the ground below, but now it was sparse. The old growth forest had pretty much all but died, leaving standing deadwood everywhere. The canopy was gone, but the forest floor was blanketed with new growth and the green vegetation flourished. It was such a drastic contrast; the enormous, ancient dead trees standing as warriors guarding these young saplings, almost as if they were sharing their stories, offering comfort as these new trees struggled to live. It was all rather poetic, the vegetation flourishing while humanity still waned.

I was trying to be patient, hoping to catch a glimpse of the unpaved lane to turn off on to, but the forest floor was overgrown and misted over. Suddenly, I jerked forward as we screeched to a halt. Carlisle reversed the vehicle and turned into what I would call a small divot on the side of the road. The giant ferns had returned, as well as other vegetation, and they had completely overtaken our road making it almost impassable, but we managed in our vehicles. Gone were the days of our flashy cars, they were just not practical. Now it was about safety, size and fuel, or in other words, survival. Our unpaved lane was completely hidden from the main road. I felt a tiny bit of hope for the first time in months … since our decision to come back. Maybe, just maybe, the house would still be standing untouched.

The driveway wound on and on, and I started getting edgy. How long had we been driving? We should have reached the house by now. Everything was so different that nothing looked familiar. What if Carlisle was wrong? What if the house was no longer standing? As much as I didn't want to come back, I needed the house to be here. We had been constantly on the move for so long that we were finally ready to settle down and start over. For the past ten years, Carlisle had been so hell-bent on helping where he could, that we never had a place to call home. When he approached us with the idea of returning to Forks, we didn't know what to think. Alice, along with Jasper, immediately said yes, as did Esme. Rosalie was indifferent, and Emmett just wanted a place to sit his behind other than in his jeep. I, of course, rebuked the idea. It took a lot of convincing on Alice's part, but I eventually saw the benefit of having a home for my family. If I knew they were settled and safe, I could get on with my life, _my_ _plan._

I was just about to ask Carlisle if this was the right road, when there was a break overhead in the barren treetops, definitely more pronounced than I remembered. The newly grown ground vegetation had not waited long to reclaim the area, and the leafy ferns had grown right up to the house. But the house _was_ there, but obviously not the same. I breathed again, and my fist relaxed from gripping its counterpart during the entire drive up the lane.

There was much that had changed on the outside. Esme's immaculate gardens were gone. The concrete sidewalk and stairs had multiple cracks from the weeds that had managed to break their way through. The white wash was dirty and aged, and the shutters were all but gone along with the windows. The eaves troughs had fallen away from the house and the roof definitely needed repair. But the front door was still intact, and so was the garage. The house was _here,_ still standing in all its rundown glory.

I could hear Emmett's thoughts behind us in his jeep. _Wow! It looks so creepy, like a vampire actually lives here! Bella would get a kick out of this._

But she wasn't here and it was all my fault. Ten years later, I still flinched at hearing her name. There were so many memories here that it was going to be extremely difficult coming back to the house, but I was resolved that it was one step closer to Bella.

**2006 -:- Past Memories**

As soon as we had accepted the gravity of Alice's visions, the family sprang into action. We didn't know how much time we had, but Alice's visions eventually continued with a force that was too much for her to take. Jasper did his best to bear much of her pain, but she couldn't make any clear sense of anything. I tried my best to be with her when they happened, hoping that between the two of us we might decipher something relevant. But the visions were much like the first one, pain, agony, and despair. And they were so sporadic; she couldn't focus on any one thing in particular. I had asked her to find Bella, but she couldn't channel any of the visions, the chaos and destruction overpowered anything else that she may have seen. I was growing frantic with every passing hour, unsure as to what to do.

It had been forty-eight hours since the first vision and we were still no closer to a game plan. I tried calling the Swan residence as soon as we came to our assumption. I didn't want to, but I needed to do something. I hadn't really thought anything through when I picked up the phone. It had been six months, and I had no idea what I was going to say to her. I breathed a sigh of relief when I got Charlie's voice on the answering machine, and then I quickly hung up. How was I supposed to just pick up the phone and talk to her as if I never said any of those lies—the blackest kind of blasphemy.

" _You_ _…_ _don't_ _…_ _want me?"_

" _No."_ …

…" _Because I'm_ _…_ _tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human. I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."_

She probably wouldn't even want to talk to me. I wasn't thinking straight when I made the phone call. I had to think this through. What if Alice's vision wasn't going to come to fruition? I couldn't just enter Bella's life again. I would never be able to leave this time. And I couldn't do that to her, she didn't deserve that. We needed to get a better understanding of what was going to happen before I started rushing in and disrupting her life. I hoped after six months she had moved on, even if I never would. _Like I never existed._ That was what I wanted for her, even if my cold dead heart said otherwise.

We debated for countless hours on where we were going to go, and what we were going to do. Running through every scenario that was possible, making detailed lists of what supplies we would need and how we were going to get them. Everyone was itching to channel their energy somewhere.

Jasper was busy researching every bit of news, information and foreign content on the internet. He was looking for any kind of traffic on the web that would indicate the severity of Alice's visions. He was determined to find the source of this threat. But then what? Then what would we do?

"Carlisle, we have to do something. _Anything,_ " Emmett pleaded, ever the fighter.

"Son, what do you propose we do? Alice's visions are subjective, you know that. It still could change. Nothing is for certain," Carlisle reasoned with him.

Emmett firmly voiced his thoughts. "I can't sit by and watch it all go down like last time, Carlisle. I was supposed to be in that war, and instead I had to watch my friends and family go through it all without me. I was probably supposed to die over there, but instead…" Emmett didn't finish his sentence, he just shook his head. He never begrudged what Carlisle had done for him. Out of all of us, he was the one who accepted what we were the most. But he was changed in 1935, a few years before America entered World War II. I remember how torn up he was about not being able to join the fight. His two younger brothers stormed the beaches of Normandy and were killed in action. I knew he still felt the guilt over that. His mother lost three sons before their time, and he had never been able to comfort her.

"Emmett, Carlisle's right. I've seen so many wars pass me by." Jasper turned from the computer. "I was born to be a soldier, and it was torture for me too, not to be a part of them. But this is different. This isn't going to be like the wars we've witnessed in the past. I'm not sure if there _is_ anything we can do. I have been researching all that I can and I've come up empty. There isn't anything out of the ordinary happening. It's just the usual chatter about North Korea and China. Even the Middle East is relatively quiet. I don't know where this is going to come from. And there won't be any battles," he finished quietly.

I could hear Rosalie's impatient thoughts, just waiting to burst through. "Well I can't sit here and wait! This is ridiculous. What are we supposed to do? Stop our lives and wait to be blown to bits? I wish Alice never had her stupid vision! Or maybe she should have kept it to herself until she knew something more definite instead of ruining the rest of our lives." Rosalie piped up in her usual selfish way, and stormed out of the room. Alice's face fell, and I could hear the guilt and turmoil in her thoughts. Jasper stiffened as he felt what I knew she was thinking.

Emmett got up from the table and walked over to Alice trying to reassure her. "She didn't mean it. She's just scared, that's all." He bent down and softly rubbed her shoulders. "Don't let her get to you. You know how she can be when she's scared. We both love you, and nothing will _ever_ change that. Okay?" Alice looked up into Emmett's face. She was so unsure of herself it pained me to listen to her thoughts. He placed his hand on her chin and spoke softly, "Okay?"

She nodded her head and smiled at him. No one could resist Emmett's charm.

"Now, I better go talk her down." He nodded his head at Jasper, got up and rushed out of the kitchen after his incorrigible wife. Rosalie was a pain, but we all owed her the day she chose Emmett. No one was a better man for Rosalie and he was definitely a saint to be able to put up with her.

Jasper extracted himself from the desk and made his way over to Alice's defeated form. "It's _not_ your fault, love. We will figure this out, and your visions will come back." He picked her up, placing her in his lap. We all sat there quietly not knowing what we should do next.

_Edward, I'm sorry I can't find her. I'm sorry I don't know anything more._ She repeated, ashamed of herself.

We were all putting extra pressure on Alice and I especially wasn't helping her. My worries over Bella were causing her distress. It wouldn't be long before she snapped.

"Don't be. I know you would do anything in your power to protect her. No one expects you to be omniscient. This is _my_ fault. We'd all be in Forks right now if I hadn't made the decision to leave. I think the best thing for me to do is to go to Forks on my own. Just to be near her if something does change."

"We'll all go," said Carlisle.

"No, I can't have that. I have to remain discreet. If nothing comes of these visions, I need to be able to leave without her knowing I was there. If the family comes, it will be much harder to remain undetected. Besides, you don't want to live the last of your days cooped up in hiding do you?" I tried to make light of the situation.

"We are a family. We go together."

"Carlisle, I'm not having this discussion. This is what I want. If Alice's visions change, I will have to speak to Bella. I need to warn her and Charlie and whoever else we can think of. But only if the visions become concrete and not before, I won't risk it."

We stared at each other as the scenarios played out in his mind.

_I don't like this Edward. We shouldn't be separated._

"I promise I won't be far behind if something changes, but I need to do this." The irony that I had said those same words to Alice less than forty-eight hours ago was not lost on me. I would go to Forks and silently watch Bella, and wait for word from Alice. This was all I could do to make things right. If the visions became clearer, I would have to force myself back into her life, there was no other option. I had no idea what I would say , or more importantly _do_ to her, but I would take this one step at a time.

I could already see the plans forming in Carlisle's head. He was thinking about the people of Forks who we had all lived alongside of for the past few years. He was thinking of the doctors and nurses at the hospital, about Charlie and the police force, and for a brief second, Billy Black flashed though his head and the rest of the Quileute's. I growled at the idea of helping them when they were nothing more than inhospitable to any of us. But Carlisle's compassion always shined through, and he would help anywhere he could, even if it meant sheltering a hostile enemy. He would protect them all.

Startled out of Carlisle's thoughts and plans, I heard something large being dragged across the floor above us. Emmett was silently cursing the locked doorknob to his room and planned to rectify the situation. Rosalie had locked him out of their bedroom … again. This was not something new—it happened more times than I could count, but Emmett knew it was different this time. His 'girl' was scared and he needed to get in there to comfort her. So instead of breaking down the door and risking Esme's wrath, he decided on the one thing that always managed to get through to her. I groaned knowing what he was planning. This was definitely _not_ the time to be doing that.

Jasper, feeling my annoyance, silently asked what was happening. I rolled my eyes at him, as we all heard the first few notes blaring from the PlayStation speakers before Emmett's voice followed.

Emmett was belting out Neil Diamond, _Singstar_ style.

Jasper and I shook our heads trying to fight the smirk playing out on both of our lips. I never truly understood my brother, Emmett. How he could take a grave situation such as this, and turn the tables into a karaoke sing-a-long. Sometimes I wished I could let go of all my reservations just like him.

Esme came rushing into the room knowing all too well what that song meant. She took one look at Alice curled up in Jasper's arms. "What's he done this time?"

It wasn't often that Emmett pulled out 'Cracklin' Rose,' he knew better than to abuse it. When Rosalie was like this, it was about the only thing that would make her come around, well at least quickly anyway.

Esme looked to Carlisle and then to me expecting us to answer her, but it was Alice that raised her head. "It's not him, Rosalie is upset with me," she spoke quietly.

"Alice, please, this is not your fault. You are looking out for each and every one of us. Rosalie knows this. She's just being her usual, stubborn, attention-grabbing self. Just ignore her, I do," I said.

Jasper looked at me as I watched thoughts playing out in his head. He was imagining our 6'5" over 200+lbs. vampire brother singing and gyrating outside the locked door. And as soon as Emmett reached " _Oh, I love my_ _Rosie child"_ we could no longer contain our laughter. A low chuckle started in both of our chests, as Jasper knew I could see him imagining Emmett in a sparkly shirt like the Legend himself.

Esme took one look at Jasper and I, trying to stop our laughter and failing miserably. She raised her hands in defeat and sighed. The corners of her mouth started to turn upward as she struggled with the notion of reprimanding us for our ridiculous behaviour or joining us in our miserable attempt at stifling our laughter. She couldn't contain herself any longer and eventually joined us in our little chuckles. It was Carlisle's uproarious laughter that eventually put us all over the edge. The music ended, and we found ourselves all howling at the hilarity of it all. We had been so tense and on edge for the past forty-eight hours, it was as if the flood gates had opened and we couldn't stop. We were all hysterical and never heard Emmett come into the kitchen with Rosalie tucked in next to him. His arm was around her shoulder, holding tight as if restraining her from making a run for it back up to their room.

We slowly managed to contain ourselves as Emmett cleared his throat.

He was grinning like a fool, clearly amused with himself. "Alice, Rose has something she wants to say to you."

Rosalie wouldn't look at any of us as she made her way over to Alice. Esme stood and placed her hand on Rosalie's cheek as if to say, 'we forgive you.'

"You know I didn't mean it, right?" Alice nodded her head as Rosalie continued, "It's just a lot to take in."

Alice knew that was the closest Rosalie would ever get to an apology, and she jumped to her feet hugging her fiercely. "Believe me, I know."

"And that, gentlemen, is how it's done." Emmett bowed.

I've often wondered what purpose my life served. Why did I bother to live on forever in this mundane existence? What was the point of it all? As I looked around the room at the six people I had come to love so dearly, come to call family, I knew the reason why I lived in a world where my days never truly ended. We all loved each other—and in the madness that was to follow, we would all risk our immortality to protect one another. And in that moment, the hole in my heart that had been haunting me for six months ripped wide open. I wanted Bella to be a part of this family. I needed her to be a part of this and to share my life with her for however long we had left. For the first time ever, I allowed myself to think of the words 'Bella' and 'eternity' together. I had to find her and beg her for forgiveness.


	4. To Travel Hopefully is a Better Thing Than to Arrive

**CHAPTER 3**

**-:- To Travel Hopefully is a Better Thing Than to Arrive -:-**

* * *

**2006 -:- Past Memories**

I left for Forks a few hours later with the Volvo packed with as many supplies I would need in the event Alice's visions took an unexpected turn. We worked out so many contingency plans, it was hard to keep them straight. If we were separated without the ability to communicate, we had to make sure we could find each other again. I was taking my Volvo to Forks, and that was the only impractical vehicle we would be keeping for the moment. Rosalie and Emmett were going to be busy trying to sell Carlisle's Mercedes and Rose's BMW … and my _Vanquish._ I winced at the idea of relinquishing my favorite car into the hands of a _human._ I convinced myself it was for the greater good. We were immobilizing and that meant as much quick capital as we could manage without drawing attention to ourselves.

Emmett was going to keep his Jeep and have Rosalie do some modifications on it. In exchange for our fancy non-practical vehicles, Jasper was trying to acquire some military grade armored Humvees. It's not that we needed them armored, but if we had Bella with us, I knew it would be the safest thing for her until _other arrangements_ could be made. The Humvees would be the only thing that would probably be able to handle the terrain after the bombs hit. Rosalie was planning to kit them out with anything we would need to maneuver in a war-zone, and Jasper was even planning on getting some sort of fuel truck, but he hadn't thought that fully through as of yet.

I had pulled Carlisle aside before I left, needing to talk to him privately. I was worried about Alice, whether or not she was going to be okay, I needed to know this before leaving the family. She was complaining of a constant pain in her head, and the visions were coming on stronger, more frequent, and when they did, they pretty much crippled her. Carlisle's mind had been relatively quiet on the matter, and that had me worried. I followed him to the out-building we were using as a garage for our vehicles, hoping the others couldn't hear us.

"Carlisle, I'm worried about Alice."

He quickly looked at me, then back at the floor. His thoughts were randomly flashing through medical procedures as he tried his best to hide what he was thinking.

"You've never hidden your thoughts from me before. It must be bad."

_You have other things you need to focus on at the moment._

"Carlisle, that's not fair, I need to know if Alice is all right before I leave."

He raised his head, looking me in the eyes. He was solemn as he spoke, "The truth is I don't know what to make of it. I don't know how to help her. The pain she speaks of in her head is nothing I have ever heard of with our kind. It's not like I can prescribe some acetaminophen and tell her to lie down and take a nap." _I don't know how to help her. I've never felt so helpless._

"Do you have an idea what is causing the pain? Is it the lack of visions?"

 _It could be—that's the theory I have been contemplating,_ he thought, but then continued out loud. "The best I can guess is that whatever is coming is so traumatic that Alice herself is blocking the visions to keep from re-experiencing it. It's like a defense mechanism of sorts. I liken it to a case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's not like vampires can exhibit the common signs or symptoms, so I can't be sure, but I do think this may be self-induced. Alice's mind is protecting her from what is coming." He walked over to his Mercedes and gingerly ran his fingers over the trunk before placing both hands on the end, bowing his head. He stood still for a minute or two, and I tried my best to let him have his thoughts.

"How do we help her?"

He straightened, turning to face me. "Well, we can't exactly medicate her. It's such a different scenario because it hasn't even happened yet, but the best we can do is to keep her calm and as stress-free as possible."

"I suppose my anxiety over Bella hasn't exactly been helping her."

"Edward, we all love Bella," he said, as he placed his hand on my shoulder, "the best thing you could do for Alice is to find Bella and keep her safe." He was looking into my eyes and I nodded in agreement. He pulled me into his arms and embraced me as the father I knew him as for all these years. _She belongs here with you, with us. Go. Find her and bring her back to us._

.

ESME AND CARLISLE LEFT the same time as I did, they wanted to warn as many of our friends as possible. Their first stop was back to Alaska to warn Kate, Tanya and the others and get them prepared. The rest of the family was going to be busy organizing and acquiring as many supplies as possible without raising too many suspicions.

We had debated for hours as to how we should approach this. We couldn't exactly have Alice wave her freak flag to the public shouting about nuclear war and the end of the world. Jasper was adamant that we not put Alice in any kind of danger, however slight it might be.

If there was one thing that Carlisle had learned from his time on earth as a vampire, it was that the human race did not do well with things that were different. No, Alice claiming she saw the destruction of the world publicly was not something we would do until the time was right … until we were certain. The fact that she was a vampire had nothing to do with it. She spent most of her human life locked up for her visions, and there was no way we were going to subject her to that kind of risk or chastising again.

If we were to go public, we would first have to contact the Volturi, our kind's closest thing to Royalty. They were the ones who regulated and enforced the rules, and they would have to be contacted as to how they would want us to proceed. Carlisle was unsure of what their reaction would be, so he wanted to wait until things were more definite. We had successfully avoided the Volturi all these years, and none of us wanted to draw attention to our family if it wasn't necessary. Carlisle would handle his old friends when the time arose.

I was approaching the state line of Washington when my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID … Alice, I held my breath for a few seconds before answering.

"What did you see?"

"Well 'hello' to you too!"

"Sorry, I'm just wound tight."

"I knew you would be—that's why I'm calling. I was just checking to see if you were okay. This business of not having my "sixth sense" and knowing how you are is driving me insane. No pun intended," she said, laughing. That was a good sign, at least she was still laughing.

"Thanks," I said, hoping she could hear the smile in my voice. "And here I thought you were calling to convince me about Bella again."

"Well, now that you mentioned it…"

" _Alice."_ My tone warned her.

"Okay, okay! I just want her to be _safe_ , and I want you to be _happy_."

"I know. I just haven't figured out how I can do that yet."

"You know my answer to that—"

I groaned into the phone. I knew exactly what she meant. Even though I had made the decision to go back to Bella, I was still undecided as to what that would mean for the two of us. I wanted her with me, but I knew I would wait as long as possible before making any decisions as to her immortality. Besides, I wasn't even sure she would still want me. Maybe she had moved on…

"She still loves you. I don't need to be able to see the future to know that. She'll forgive you."

"Let's hope so, Alice. I'm hoping."

We chatted for a bit longer as I got closer to Forks, and closer to Bella. I said my good-bye to Alice, silently wishing I could believe her, but a part me was preparing for the worst. Bella might not want anything to do with me.

Arriving at the outskirts of Forks around four in the morning, I sat in my car a few blocks away from Bella's house. It was early Saturday morning, too early to knock on the Chief of Police's door. I so desperately wanted to crawl inside Bella's window and watch her sleep, I never tired of those nights and I longed to see her, but I didn't trust myself. My thirst would have to be fully satiated if I was going to be seeing Bella. It had been six months, and I was afraid that all my hard work at desensitizing myself to her smell, would no longer apply. I could remember the scent and taste of Bella's blood with perfect clarity. I knew remembering it and experiencing it were going to be two very different things. I needed to prepare myself for that inevitable wave of thirst and hunger that caused my throat to burst into flame every time I was near her.

So instead, I drove back to the town limits and allowed myself to hunt for a few hours, passing the time until it was a reasonable hour to call on the Swan's. I felt almost swollen from the amount of blood I had consumed, hoping that my lack of hunger would outweigh my desire for her blood. I was going to have enough to deal with on our first meeting, without having to try and control my thirst.

 _How does one approach this? Should I bring something? Flowers? Chocolate?_ 'Hi Bella, it's me, your former hundred and five year old vampire boyfriend who walked out on you and told you some of the most horrific lies. Oh and by the way, I've changed my mind because the world is ending and I do want to be with you for whatever little time we have left. Here, I brought you some flowers.'

 _Yeah, because flowers would lessen_ that _blow!_ I was actually grateful Alice's visions were on the fritz, I could just see everyone sitting around laughing at my ineptness as she relayed my decisions. Emmett would never let me live it down.

The sun had risen behind the clouds. It was a typical gray day in Forks. I made my way up the street to the house and smiled at my tree and my window. _Mine._ At least they _were_ mine _._ I blew out a sigh of relief as I looked at the house—nothing had changed, not that I had expected it to, but it comforted me all the same. I knew my heart could not beat anymore, but it definitely felt like it was about to. Could a dead, frozen heart beat again? No, probably not.

I pulled into the driveway behind Charlie's cruiser, panicking a little that Bella's truck wasn't in the driveway. It was too early for her to be working, and I wondered if she was still working at Newton's store. _Newton._ What if she was with him? My thoughts started to trail off to all sorts of scenarios of Bella and that vile Mike Newton. _Get a grip Cullen. This was what you wanted for her. You have no right to be upset._ Maybe the old beast of a truck had finally died. _Good riddance._ I chuckled and hoped to God and the powers above, that was what had happened.

I took a deep breath to clear my head and opened the car door. _This is it._ I had to make this right with Bella. I didn't want to wait any longer—I wanted to start forever today. I prayed again to those same _powers above_ that I wasn't too late and despite my wishes six months ago, that she hadn't moved on.

Someone was in the kitchen and I deduced it was Charlie from his thoughts. He was getting ready to leave to go fishing … again. I raised my arm and gently knocked on the door before taking a step back. I could hear Charlie's thoughts as he wondered who would be at the door so early.

Panic started to set in again and for a brief moment I thought of fleeing back to the car. I could make it down the road before Charlie even made it to the door. As I weighed the options, the seconds ticked by and the door swung open revealing a baffled Charlie staring at me wide-eyed.

I gave him a courteous smile and raised my eyebrows.

"Chief Swan," I greeted him. My voice was stretched, barely recognizable even to myself.

I watched as recognition and then shock crossed his face, which was followed by his thoughts of pure anger toward me. I watched the images of Bella broken after I had left her. These images flooded his mind over and over. I stumbled backward slightly while I was assaulted with these images of _Bella shattered._ _Bella crumpled in the arms of a large, strange man, a hollow expression on her face. Bella fading and crumbling right before Charlie's eyes, a ghost of her former self._ I saw everything I had put her through in the last few months and I felt as if I were reliving it with him. _What had I done?_ Bella was broken. I had tried so desperately to protect her, and in the end I _was_ right, I _had_ destroyed her.

Charlie's voice snapped me out of my daze. "What the _hell_ are _you_ doing here?" he seethed. "You have some nerve showing up here, kid. After what you did?" He shook his head in disbelief. "You have three seconds to get off my property or I'll arrest you for trespassing and I'll lock you up myself."

"Please, Chief Swan—let me—"

"Explain?" he asked incredulously. "Why don't you explain to me how you left my daughter by herself in the woods that night, without so much as a thought to her well-being." His voice started to rise. "How's about you explain to me how you left her without so much as a warning? Or how you've had absolutely no contact with her over the last few months?"

He was yelling at me now, a string of curse words left his mouth and I knew I deserved every bit of it, but I was anxious to see her and didn't want to listen to him anymore. He could yell at me all he wanted to after I got a chance to see Bella.

"Char-li—" I tried to interject.

"Excuse me?" His eyes looked as if they were about to pop out of his head. His thoughts were filled with pure hatred of what I did to his daughter. He blamed me for … losing her? _What? What did he mean losing her?_

"Charlie, where is she?" I was angry now. He wasn't giving me a chance to talk, and I'd had about enough, I just needed to know where she was.

He narrowed his eyes, but stilled himself. "She's gone, Edward, and that's all I'm going to tell you. You don't deserve anything more."

**2016 -:- Present Day**

" _Ah, breaker breaker, this is Grizzly Bear, do you copy, Poppa Bear?"_

My memory of the past was interrupted by the static of the radio and Emmett's booming voice. Emmett's music was blaring from his Jeep which was parked right behind us. Whenever we were driving he thought it was hilarious to play any kind of "apocalyptic" type music. He said it was the closest thing he was going to get to feeling like he was in the military, and wanted to experience it for all it was worth.

We moved as a unit to never risk being separated. That was the only rule Carlisle asked us to abide by, because the idea of any one of us being separated terrified Esme. Without Alice's visions, and with how savage everything had become, we never knew where we were going to be at any given time. So we travelled as a convoy. Carlisle and Esme drove point in the first humvee, Rosalie and Alice followed behind in the other, Jasper was behind them in the fuel truck, and Emmett always pulled up the rear in his jeep. I would alternate between each of the vehicles giving them a break whenever they needed it. I didn't like to stay with one person too long and would have preferred my own vehicle to wallow in my guilt, but Alice and Esme insisted I not drive alone for that very same reason.

Rosalie did manage to equip all of our vehicles with everything we would ever need, including short-wave radios. We didn't use them often because we never strayed too far from each other where I couldn't hear everyone. But we took precautions with everything we did, and the radios did come in handy, except when Emmett hijacked them. We couldn't get him off the radio most of the time, and then Carlisle would have to revoke his radio privileges and take his mic away. We were all grateful for those days.

Carlisle turned off the Humvee and grabbed the mic from the dashboard. "Yes, Emmett, what do you want? We can hear you just fine, without the radio."

"I _told_ you! Use my handle! You don't know who may be listening."

"Then why are you using the radio?" I raised my voice knowing he could hear me easily enough.

 _So serious all the time. What's bugging you now?_ Emmett scoffed.

I growled in response as Esme stepped in. "Emmett, honey, what is it you wanted?"

None of us had gotten out of our vehicles yet. Everyone's thoughts were filled with apprehension as to what we could expect to find inside the house. We had all been waiting for this for ten years, a place to call home, and if we couldn't stay, the disappointment would be palpable.

Emmett sighed. "From the looks of the house, we won't have to be moving any time soon. And … I just wanted to use the radio one last time, for old time's sake. We've been through a lot in these vehicles. But— _no—_ you guys had to ruin my fun."

No one spoke for a minute and then Rosalie's voice crackled over the radio. "Grizzly Bear, Grizzly Bear this is Goldilocks, come in, Grizzly Bear."

"Go ahead, Goldilocks, this is Grizzly Bear, _over_." We could all hear Emmett's smile in his voice as he emphasized the word 'over' for Rosalie, something we all forgot to say.

"How about we take a look inside and check to see how our bedroom fared, _over_." I groaned as I listened to the rest of her thoughts.

"Shut up, Edward! Don't listen to my thoughts then!" she yelled from the driver's seat of the humvee next to us.

"That's a big ten-four, Goldilocks, that's a go for Grizzly Bear, _over and out!"_

Emmett and Rosalie jumped from their vehicles, and raced toward the house. I did my best to block the images from their minds, but it was kind of hard to ignore them when they were like this. We were all aware of how desperately in love they were—it was quite disgusting to have to endure it. Or maybe I was just bitter that I was the only one alone. Some days it was harder than others to be constantly surrounded with three perfectly matched loves. Today was one of those days. It was even harder being back here—knowing that I was so close to having it all and I had let it slip away. There was no one else to blame but myself for my misery.

Carlisle's thoughts broke through my own.

_Edward deserves happiness. He's owed it._

I grunted in disagreement and got out of the vehicle to get away from his pity. I wished I could believe that, but Carlisle gave me too much credit. I deserved everything that had happened to me—I was nothing more than a monster with selfish desires. I once wanted to take Bella's life away from her so that I could keep her forever. A monster like that did not deserve any such happiness, and I would gladly serve my punishment here on this wretched earth if it meant I would face my own judgment day with a clear conscience.

 _Bella— I'm so sorry._ I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. _How much longer would I have to be here?_

I walked to the back of the house toward what was once the stream that ran through our property. It wasn't completely dried up, but it was no longer clear and clean like before. I could smell the decay in the air, and I longed for the smells of the years gone by. I had hoped some things would have remained the same here, the smells of the forest being one of them. There was a faint trace of the fresh soil buried deep underneath the layers of the contaminated soil. Esme would have her work cut out for her. She wanted to grow a large garden filled with vegetables so she could trade with the humans, but it was going to take a lot of work to dig through the soil to get to some viable layers. At least there was comfort in knowing that I would be kept busy enough to keep my mind from wallowing in my self-hatred.

Jasper and Carlisle were inside the kitchen, talking about the damage that would need to be repaired on the house. The roof needed to be patched up and all the windows replaced or boarded up. That was their first priority. Alice and Esme were discussing the best plan of action to cleaning the place and making it livable. It seemed as though many of the forest's inhabitants that survived, had moved in while we were away. And Emmett and Rosalie were, well, I shook my head as I approached the back door, looking up at my window. It was dark and I couldn't make anything out, but I flashed back to an image of Bella locked in my arms as I held her in jest against my black leather couch, the two of us laughing. That had been the day I introduced her to the family. It had been one of the happiest days of my long life. Well, at least until I exposed her to three psychotic vampires, hell bent on killing her. Her number really had been up, nothing I could have done was going to change that, I mused. I had been fighting fate.

Walking in the back door of the house, I joined Jasper, Alice, Carlisle and Esme in the kitchen. I was getting tired of their looks, but again, I would endure it. Esme and Alice were always so concerned about my well being. Jasper would try his best to lighten my mood, and I always shot him a look that told him not to bother, that I didn't appreciate his interference with my state of mind.

Esme wrapped her arms around me, embracing me as a mother would comfort a son.

 _My son, we are here for you. It's our turn now._ She held me like that for a few minutes as I thought back to those early years after the bombs. Carlisle was so stoic these days, even though I knew he harbored so much guilt about those early times.

Rosalie and Emmett finally made their way into the kitchen.

"Well, it seems the upstairs floor is— _ahem_ —solid enough. What's happening?"

Esme released me from her arms and ran her hands through my already messed up hair.

"It's nothing, Emmett. We are just happy to be _home_." She emphasized home, and smiled at each and every one of us, looking us in the eyes, letting us know she finally had peace of mind.

Emmett walked over to me and clapped me on the back. _You've got to learn to get over things. Like I do. Eternity is a long time to wallow in guilt._

Yes it is, I thought. But little did my family know I had no intention of living a life without end.


	5. No Man is an Island

**CHAPTER 4**

****-:-** No Man is an Island **-:-****

* * *

**2016 **-:-** Present Day**

We had been working relentlessly on the house since we arrived—day and night. With seven vampires never having to sleep, we had managed to almost restore it to livable conditions in just four short days. We had patched the roof as best we could, we _borrowed_ many of the supplies from abandoned houses, but most of the stuff, including our furniture, had come from one of the caches we had kept nearby.

Carlisle and Esme had planned for our return ten years ago—we just didn't expect to be back so soon. They had moved all of our belongings out of the house and stored them in an underground bunker not too far from Forks. Emmett and Jasper went to retrieve our stuff and by the time they had moved everything back in, it was as if we had been living in a time capsule. Everything looked as it did ten years ago, even my piano.

Scowling at my brothers, I watched them carry the piano with ease into the house through the living room window which still needed to be replaced. I had asked Jasper not to bring it, but Esme overrode my wishes, and told him she wanted it here, even if I had no intentions on playing. She said it 'brought her comfort.' She wanted the house just as it was—which was a laugh because no matter how hard we tried, nothing would ever be the same.

They placed it down on the platform, and the keys rattled. It would definitely need a tune up, but that didn't concern me, because my fingers would never touch those keys again.

Esme heard the sound of the keys and came rushing down the stairs. Her hands were clamped over her mouth and her eyes were wide with excitement.

"You brought it! Oh, thank you, boys," she exclaimed blissfully as she kissed them both on the cheek.

I turned on my heels and walked out of the house, trying to get away from the conversation they were about to have, but it didn't matter, I could still hear them.

"I don't know why we bothered, it's not like he's ever going to play it ever again."

"Ye of little faith, Emmett." _I know my boy, and he_ will _play again._

I hated to disappoint Esme, but she was wrong. There was no way…

I had no idea where I was going, I hadn't ventured very far from the house in the past few days. No one was to go off by themselves, another one of Carlisle's wishes— the rule of never separating was still in effect.

I didn't care about the rule. I just needed to be alone with my _own_ thoughts. I started to run, trying to familiarize myself with this forest. There was a time when I knew every inch of this place. Everything was different, the trees, the soil, the sound, the smell, nothing was recognizable any more, it had all disappeared. But I reveled in the silence. This was the first time I had been alone without the thoughts of the others in months … years even. I stopped short holding my breath. _Silence_. Closing my eyes, I held my arms out from my body, just listening … for anything. And there was nothing. I wasn't sure if it was comforting or not. I enjoyed the idea of being completely alone, but at the same time I was fully aware that I _was_ alone. It was such a bittersweet moment, and one that weighed heavily on my mind as of late.

It wasn't until this past year that I had actually taken time out to reflect what my life was going to be like once we established a bit of normalcy. In the past decade, there was always a need. There was always an urgency to everything we did. Since the day of Alice's first vision, our family had never stopped, and more specifically I had never stopped. The family fell apart, and I guess you could say I went a little mad trying to hold on to everything. After I lost Bella, I wanted to die along with the rest of the world, but fate had other plans for me, or perhaps it was God. Regardless, I was spared, and I did my damndest not to lose anyone else in my life. I never had the chance to grieve my loss, there just was never time, and years passed and I buried all the feelings deep within. It wasn't until almost a year ago when we made the decision to travel back to Forks that I allowed those feelings to resurface. The family was mended for the most part, apart from Alice and her visions. We still had no idea why they hadn't returned, but we had gotten so used to her 'feelings' that we never questioned them. Being back here in Forks was allowing me to channel those emotions I hadn't felt in a very long time. It was like I was coming full circle again. The family was safe, and I was back where I belonged.

I started running again. I just wanted to feel the wind rushing past my face and see the trees racing past me. It was exhilarating feeling this again, and I didn't pay attention to where my legs were taking me until I stopped just at the edge of the forest near Bella's house, or what was left of it. It had not survived after all these years.

The old tree outside of Bella's window had fallen, crushing the house in its wake—completely destroying Bella's room. I almost laughed at the irony and despair that surged through me at what lay before my eyes. It figures there wouldn't be one thing left of her that I could hold on to, even this had been taken away from me. Just add this to my wide streak of appallingly bad luck.

"Is there _nothing_ I can have?" I screamed at the heavens to anyone that was maybe looking down at me, laughing at my misfortune.

I walked up the trunk which hovered directly above the remains of her room. There was nothing discernible, just a pile of rubbish. Crouching down, I placed my head in my hands trying to make sense of it all, anything. After all these years, I had been living with the faintest of hope that through all of this, somehow a part of Bella survived somewhere. I knew it was preposterous, but a part of me just couldn't give up that glimmer of hope. Being here and seeing all of this destruction just reaffirmed that she was gone forever. The pain I had tried to bury all those years ago ripped wide open again as I remembered the last time I had been here.

**2006 -:- Past Memories**

" _She's gone, Edward, and_ _that is all that I am going to tell you. You don't deserve anything more."_

Charlie's mind was not as silent as Bella's, but I knew where she inherited hers from. Before Bella came along, I always thought of him as a man of slow thought, but when I discovered her mind was silent to me, I realized Charlie's thoughts were partially concealed to me as well. Bella was more like her father than she ever realized. When he was extremely stressed or upset, it was as if he flipped a switch blocking his most pertinent thoughts. And he had now flipped that switch and was completely denying me any access to his thoughts or memories of Bella. He was protecting his daughter in more ways than he knew.

He glared at me begging for my defiance—I could hear _that_ part of his mind all too well. He wanted me to challenge him and he was ready to deliver some justice for what I had done to Bella.

I didn't have a choice—I would take the consequences.

" _Please…"_ I looked at him with as much remorse as I could possibly convey. "Where is she?"

"I'm sorry, Edward … no, actually I'm not. She's moved on, after _you_ left. Now I suggest you do the same. Leave, _now_. I have somewhere to be." He turned around and slammed the door in my face.

I cursed under my breath. That did not go at all how I had hoped. I cursed again wishing for Alice and her psychic hotline to return. I ran my hands through my hair letting out a frustrated groan. What do I do now? I looked up at Bella's window, I needed to get in there, and maybe there was some kind of clue in her room as to where she was.

Returning to my car, I pulled out of the driveway, parking down the street away from Charlie's line of site. I just needed to wait until he left. What if she was still sleeping? No, I knew that wasn't the case, I only heard one heartbeat in the house. She wasn't there, just as Charlie said.

Once Charlie had left, I ran through the trees to the back of the house. I managed to climb up to her window in seconds, and stayed perched on the window sill for a moment looking in, not wanting to disturb the sanctity of her room. It looked exactly the same, just as I remembered it. I took another moment to gather myself before opening the window, because this was it, as soon as I smelled that all too familiar scent that was ingrained in my very being, there was no going back. I knew her scent would flood my senses and I wouldn't be able to stop myself from re-entering her life. I was a selfish creature, and I would fight for her, whether she wanted me or not. I frowned as a quick image of _Newton_ flashed in my mind.

Shaking my head, chuckling at my absurdity, I opened the window with ease even though it squeaked, just like that first time I had ever opened it. I stilled, taking in a deep breath. My eyes flashed open, scanning the room... there was only a faint trace of Bella here. I could still smell her, but it was definitely old. It had been months since she had been in here. _Months._

I walked over to her bed and picked up her pillow holding it to my nose breathing deeply, hoping to imbed the very essence of her in my body. I smiled. _Bella_. She was still here, and six months had done nothing to lessen my desire for her. Not wanting to let her go just yet, I carried the pillow over to her desk—hoping for some clue as to where she might be.

Logic told me she was probably with her mother, Renee, but what I didn't know was why. I looked over the desk and it was exactly as it was the week I left. The same books and papers were piled on top, even the last CD we had been listening to was perched on the corner of the desk. Nothing had changed in her room. If Bella was gone, she left shortly after I did and left most of her things. This troubled me more than I thought it would. What did Charlie mean by gone?

I made my way over to the closet and noticed the majority of her clothes were missing. Relief flooded my senses. _Not 'gone.'_ But that relief was quickly overshadowed by dread. The empty closet meant she was gone from Forks, just as Charlie meant. I looked further into the back of her closet, at a black garbage bag and what I saw inside made my stomach lurch. It was the stereo my brothers and sister had given her for her birthday, but it was damaged beyond repair. It looked as though someone had hastily and forcefully removed it from the dashboard.

I was deeply saddened at the idea of Bella frantically trying to rip it from its place. What could have possessed her to do that? A frantic thought occurred to me and I dropped to the floor near Bella's bed, desperately prying up the floorboards. I breathed a sigh of relief again, as I lifted the small tin I had placed there six months ago, as a reminder that I would always be with her. Inside, were all the pictures Bella had taken of us with her new camera, the CD I made for her and the plane tickets to Florida Esme and Carlisle had purchased for her as a gift. I trailed my fingers gently along our names, _Ms. Isabella Marie Swan_ and _Mr. Edward Anthony Cullen_ , as if any kind of pressure would wipe away their existence.

Picking up the photographs, I carefully slipped them into the front pocket of my jacket, the left side, without looking at them. I needed her to be as close to me as possible, if I couldn't have her here in flesh, then I would have her here in memory … for the time being. I didn't know what had possessed me, but before I even knew what I was doing, I placed the CD in the player and had lay down on Bella's bed. I closed my eyes as the first notes of my Lullaby, _her Lullaby_ , played through the tiny speakers. Apart from the confines of my mind, I hadn't heard the song out loud in over six months. It _was_ real, all of it. What have I done?

I laid there until the CD had played all the way through, thoughts turning in my mind as to what I should do, where I should go next. It was all just too overwhelming. I reluctantly sat up, still not sure as to what to do next. All I knew was that I was wasting time. From Charlie's thoughts, there was no way he was going to tell me what I needed to know. I doubted he would even speak to me again. I pulled out my phone and called Bella's mother in Jacksonville—maybe I would have more luck with her. I held my breath as I heard the operator come on the line to tell me the phone number was disconnected. I let out a string of curse words that I didn't even know I was capable of. I needed help and I needed it now.

.

CHARLIE EVENTUALLY INVITED ME in to talk, of course that had everything to do with me being flanked by Carlisle and Esme. I had called them while they were in Alaska and asked them for their help. It was such a relief to see Carlisle. I was comforted by his empathy and the deep intelligence in his eyes. He would know what to do. Charlie had always respected Carlisle, and I was hoping his presence would have a greater effect on the man than my own. Charlie was more than surprised when they appeared on his doorstep, but reluctantly let us all in eventually.

"Coffee?" he asked my parents, thinking it was the polite thing to do. He never asked me if I wanted anything, he wouldn't even look at me.

Carlisle and Esme declined his offer and thanked him for agreeing to see us.

"Well, I am sorry you came all this way, but I'm not going to volunteer any information about my daughter. I don't want your son around her—I hope you can understand that."

"Charlie, I can understand that you want to protect your daughter, but Edward's intentions were very honorable when we left," Carlisle tried to explain, but Charlie snorted in disbelief.

"I love your daughter more than you can possibly comprehend," I said quietly.

"Don't tell me what I can and can't comprehend. You left her, and left me to try and pick up the pieces. I can comprehend just fine."

"We left because it was the best thing for her at the time. Edward was also protecting her."

"Is that right? Well, now I find that hard to believe. And just what was he protecting her from?"

I hadn't been paying attention to Esme, but I could see that this conversation was upsetting her. Carlisle reached for Esme's hand to try and comfort her. "She didn't fit with our certain … _lifestyle._ "

Right away I could see that his choice of words were the wrong ones, and Charlie misunderstood what Carlisle was trying to say.

"Your _lifestyle?_ You rich, arrogant son-of-a-bitch! What … my daughter wasn't good enough for your son? Carlisle, I thought you were a different man."

Esme gasped. "Charlie, that's not what my husband meant to say. I know you and I haven't had much in the way of conversation, but I will tell you that we love your daughter as if she were our own."

"I'm sorry, Charlie." Carlisle raised his hands in defense. "It was the wrong choice of words."

_Edward, we need to try another angle. We need to tell him the truth, some of it anyway._

"No," I spoke abruptly without thinking.

"Excuse me?" Charlie's eyes were wide and incredulous and his face started to turn a shade of red. _Just who does this kid think he is!_

"Char—" I started, but was cut off by Carlisle.

"I'm sorry, Edward was speaking to me." _There's no other way, son._ He looked resolved and I knew I wasn't going to convince him this wasn't the best course of action. _We don't have time for this._ I relinquished to Carlisle, because I trusted him wholeheartedly and he did know what was best when it came to the family. If he felt this was the only option, I would go along with it. I could tell from his thoughts he wasn't going to tell _all_ of our secrets, just the ones that would help to convince Charlie of the truth.

Charlie looked at Carlisle a bit confused and his thoughts were very guarded.

"You of all people know my family is _unique_." He cleared his throat, and continued. "When others have criticized or judged us unfairly, you have always stood your ground and defended us." Charlie shifted in his seat uncomfortable with the way the conversation was going.

"You have always treated us with kindness and respect, Charlie. But we _are_ unique, in many ways." Carlisle was staring at Charlie, trying to convince him with his eyes to see the truth.

Charlie thought hard about our _uniqueness_. He had noticed that we never seemed to age, but just chalked that up to good genes, and diet. He thought of all of our other attributes, our wealth, our looks, and the way we walked and carried ourselves. The fact that he had never seen me eat anything is his house and lastly, he looked at the three of us, at our eyes in particular. Family not by blood, but with the same strange, amber colored eyes.

"Yes, I'm aware." He nodded his head, but had not come to any conclusions as to what that could mean.

"What you can see with your eyes does set us apart from everyone else, yes, but there are other things that you cannot see. My family—some of my _children—_ have special gifts." He looked at me and then back to Charlie before continuing. He wanted to make sure that I was on board. A slight nod of my head made Carlisle continue.

"Edward and Alice are _extremely_ unique. Edward, can read the minds of those around him."

Charlie's eyes bulged out of his head and his thoughts turned to speculation that Carlisle was messing with him or that he hadn't heard him correctly.

"That's ridiculous!" He stood up and started pacing the room trying to laugh. _Just who the hell do these people think they are! I've always respected Carlisle. He's a brilliant doctor, and his wife is pleasant enough, but he's lost his mind if he thinks I am going to believe that! Why all these lies? What is there to gain from them?_

I wasn't sure what to say, but now that it was out there, I had to convince him it was the truth.

"Yes, he is a brilliant Doctor, Charlie, and Carlisle never lies." I looked down at the floor as I let my words register with him.

He whipped around to stare at me. His mouth was wide open in shock. _Not possible!_

"It's true." I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. "I didn't want to have to tell you or get you involved like this, but you won't tell me where Bella is, and we _need_ to find her."

Realization crossed his face and he smiled smugly. "Well if you can read my mind, why don't you just _read_ where Bella is?"

"That's the thing. Bella is the only person I have ever come across that I can't read her thoughts. She is completely blocked to me. We don't know why, it just is. She's different. And it seems Bella has inherited that trait from you. Your thoughts aren't completely blocked to me, only partially. But it's the part that concerns Bella, I guess it's as if you're subconsciously protecting her from me." I leaned back in my chair letting out a deep breath.

"Huh." It was about all Charlie could muster up. He was rather proud of himself for this bit of knowledge. He had successfully protected his daughter from the likes of me. "Why should I tell you where she is? You don't deserve her, you know."

"Yes, I am well aware that I don't deserve her, but that is beside the fact."

"And just what is that supposed to mean?"

Carlisle interjected trying to diffuse the argument that was brewing between the two of us. "Because she is in danger. We all are."

Charlie's face blanched at Carlisle's words and he sat down again in his seat. "Wha—I—what? I-I don't understand? What kind of danger?"

It was Esme who spoke. "Charlie, we need to find Bella, because what my husband is trying to tell you is true. We are all in danger, including you, and we are here to help in any way that we can."

Esme's voice was always the calming force in a room. It was always filled with love and when she spoke you couldn't help but believe her. And it seemed as if Charlie did.

"H—How do you know?"

"Alice, our daughter, whom you've met," Charlie nodded his head in acknowledgement and Esme continued, "has another special _gift_. She has visions … of the future."

He let out a string of curses as he blew out the breath he was holding. "Oh, I'm sorry, Esme," he apologized for his lack of manners.

"That's quite alright. I know this is a lot to take in." She leaned forward and placed her hand on his knee, he flinched slightly at the contact. "If there was any other way, we would have kept this from you, but we are running out of time."

Charlie rubbed his hands over his face, rubbing at his moustache. "So let me get this straight, your _family_ has special _gifts_. Reading minds and telling the future being some of them. And you're telling me we're all in danger because of a vision Alice had." He was speaking more for the benefit of himself. He was trying to wrap his head around all of this.

"And when you say your family is unique you mean something else. I—I don't want to know what that means. I have a feeling you wouldn't tell me anyway, but it's probably something that I _really_ don't want to know. And I think this is enough to take in, for today anyway." He paused, carefully considering his next words. "So I guess the question remains, what did Alice see?"

We spent the next twenty minutes carefully explaining our assumptions. I could tell as we continued that Charlie was finding it harder and harder to believe us. The absurdity of it all was making him draw his own conclusions. He thought we were crazy, and he'd be 'damned' if he was going to let us anywhere near his daughter.

After Carlisle finished speaking, Charlie stood up, went into the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the fridge. He was always a man of few words, a simple man, who loved his daughter fiercely. And what we were selling was 'crazy' and not something he was ready or willing to comprehend. When he came back into the room, he calmly and politely asked us to leave without any further explanation. I knew it was coming, but it took Esme and Carlisle by surprise.

"Charlie, please…" Esme said.

"I'm very sorry, Esme, I really don't know what you are playing at, but I need you to leave."

At that point, I could tell from his thoughts that it was hopeless. We weren't going to get anything more from him, or convince him otherwise. Our presence was only going to anger him. I looked at Carlisle and explained as quickly and quietly as possible knowing that Charlie couldn't hear me.

Carlisle frowned and looked back to Charlie.

"We will respect your wishes, but please listen and take heed of our warning. What we are telling you is the truth. It's coming. There is no stopping it. We just don't know when it is going to happen, but it will be soon." He reached into his briefcase pulling at three large manila envelopes. "I want you to take these. I've made provisions for you and the people of Forks. Everything you need to know is in these envelopes. Please take them and follow what is in there. I have a place for all of you to be safe. Use your discretion, Charlie. I suspect as the Chief of Police, you have some sort of contingency plan for this." Carlisle raised his eyebrows at Charlie, but he remained stone-faced. "Alice's visions are not definite, but as each day passes it's more likely to happen. We just want to help. Bella would be devastated if something were to happen to you and the rest of the people of Forks. She cares so much about you."

"I love her more than my own life, Charlie, and if this comes to pass, I just want to make her safe, can you understand that?" I asked him. "We have the resources to do so," I pleaded one last time.

He was silent as he held the front door open for us. I walked passed him giving him one last look hoping he would offer me something, but he just closed his eyes keeping his mind silent to me.

Carlisle placed the envelopes on the table before leading Esme toward the door. She let out a small sob as she passed Charlie. She grasped his hand and he was shocked by her cold touch and confused by the passion behind her voice.

"Please…" she begged.

"Esme, darling, it's all right." Carlisle reassured her before turning to Charlie. "Please—if nothing else—look at the documents I've left you. Inside are all the numbers where we can be reached. Just think about it, that's all I ask."

Charlie's thoughts became a muddled mess of confusion. He didn't want to believe us, but Esme's pleading had unraveled him. He knew there was something different about us, even if he didn't want to admit it. On the off-chance we were telling the truth, he was afraid for his daughter. He wanted Bella with him and protected.

_Son, if you really can hear me, bring her home, to me. Her mother—Baltimore._

I looked back toward Charlie to let him know I heard him, but he had already closed the door. I let out a sigh of relief, which came out more as a laugh and Carlisle and Esme, looked at me with uncertainty.

"Baltimore," I said smiling widely.

Without delay, we got in the Volvo and Carlisle was already on the phone to the others by the time I pulled out of the driveway.

 _Baltimore. It had to be Baltimore._ I heard Carlisle's admonitions. _Of all the places she could be. I'm beginning to think the girl just has really bad luck—always in the wrong place at the wrong time._ He chuckled.

"Yes, she really is a danger magnet. Regardless, that's where she is and that's where we're going."


	6. The Ends Justify the Means

**CHAPTER 5**

****-:-** The Ends Justify the Means **-:-****

* * *

**2016 -:- Present Day**

How foolish I had been, allowing myself to feel so hopeful when we had left Charlie's all those years ago.

I was completely lost in my own misery of the past that I didn't even hear someone approach until I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Damn, kid, you're a mess," Emmett spoke with sympathy in his tone.

I felt him sit down beside me and we just stayed there, silent and motionless for some time. He even managed to keep his thoughts to himself.

"How did you know where I was?"

"It wasn't too difficult to track you. As soon as I saw the path you were headed on, well…"

"Why did _you_ come? I thought you'd had enough of me like this. You don't have to be here, I'm sure you have other things you'd rather be doing."

He smiled at me, a childish grin, cocking his head to the side. "I volunteered, actually. Carlisle didn't want you to go off on your own, you know, _rules_ and all. He was going to come after you, but I said I would. Needed to stretch my legs."

Emmett was content to just let me sit there, waiting. Minutes passed before I spoke again.

"Thanks."

He just nodded in silence. He was looking over the damage on the house.

_Wow, there's nothing left._

I winced a little bit at his affirmation. He was scanning the hole below us, the one into Bella's room, when I saw his thoughts take form on a yellow and white piece of fabric, and he burst out laughing.

Shocked by his outburst, I turned to get a better look at what he was seeing, and surprisingly felt myself smirk along with him. He reached down, pulling the fabric out of the rubble.

"Well, I'll be!" He started to howl again as he remembered the day of the yellow polka dot bikini all too well.

.

IT WAS THE SUMMER before our final year of school, and Alice had planned a vacation for all of us at some remote cottage. It was so far out in the middle of nowhere that we needed to fly a float plane in to get there. I was pretty adamant that Bella and I not go—I didn't think it was a good idea for her to be alone with seven vampires on an isolated island. Alice had assured us that nothing was going to go wrong, but she had a devilish glint in her eye that told me she was up to something. I should have been firm and said, 'no,' but Bella desperately wanted to go, and all it took was one simple smile while looking up at me from under her lashes, and I was powerless. It was always rather difficult to deny her anything, despite what she thought.

I was holding out that Charlie would be on my side and tell her she couldn't go, but I was shocked when he had agreed to the weekend trip with my family. He trusted Carlisle wholly and the two spoke in detail about where we were going and what we would be doing. Carlisle managed to ease his worries, much to my chagrin. I was told over and over again to 'lighten up' by my family; that Alice was infallible, but I knew otherwise. She was up to something, and I knew it would be at my expense.

Jasper was going to have to make two trips in the plane just to take us all to the island, but with what Esme had packed in terms of food for Bella, it was looking more like three. Alice, Bella, Emmett and I would be the first to go, followed by the others. We stood at the dock organizing and repacking our bags so everything would fit in the plane. Bella was going through the boxes and culling what she knew she would never eat, when I heard her heart rate quicken. I dropped the bags I was carrying at the end of the dock, and was immediately by her side. She was slightly panicked as she rummaged through the bags on the dock.

"What is it, Bella?" my voice was full of concern and alarm.

She looked up at me to see my panic-stricken face and smiled warmly. She placed a hand on my arm to reassure me.

"Oh, it's nothing really, relax. It's just—have you seen my bag?"

Relief washed over me. I knew the pace of her heart like no other sound in the world. And I knew I over-reacted to the slightest bit of waver to it, but it was not something I could help either. I was completely attuned to it.

"No, but I know I put it in there, it must be piled underneath everything."

"Hmm. I didn't see it though. Emmett pulled everything out to repack it all and it wasn't with the other bags."

I saw Alice out of the corner of my eye trying to sneak off back up to the car. She was humming 'Henry the VIII' in her head.

"Alice!" I yelled at her. "What did you do with Bella's bag?"

She turned around and her face was full of guilt.

"Uh-oh." Jasper muddled behind me as I was sure he felt the guilt washing over his wife.

"Me? Nothing. I'm sure it's there somewhere." She laughed trying to wave it off, but I caught a glimpse of the trunk of my car in her head.

I grumbled shaking my head. "Alice…" and made my way over to the Volvo, popping the trunk. Sure enough, Bella's bag was tucked in the farthest back corner.

"Alice! Why would you do that?" Bella said, alarmingly upset. "Just what was I supposed to wear this weekend?"

"Silly Bella, I packed you a bag. It's on the dock with the others."

"I have my own clothes, thank you. And I am quite comfortable with them."

"That's the thing … no one should be _comfortable_ with their clothes. I just wanted you to have a little more fun. I mean, come on! _This…_ " She grabbed Bella's bag, and rummaged through it, pulling out something deep blue, "is _not_ a bathing suit!" Alice dropped the bag, holding up an extremely modest one-piece swimsuit. "This is something your granny would wear! Not a seventeen year-old girl with a figure like yours!"

Bella blushed, and I swallowed hard as my mouth started to pool with venom as I imagined Bella in the suit Alice was holding up. All that exposed creamy skin.

Jasper let out a deep laugh.

"Alice, I think that swimming costume will be fine. Our boy here, is going to have a hard enough time as it is without you interfering."

Bella flushed even deeper as she stole a glance at me. I ran my hands through my hair not able to look at her, not wanting her to see my obvious discomfort. I hadn't even thought about this weekend and what we would be doing. Of course we would be swimming—we were going to an Island! An Island with no one around where we could all be in the sun, near the water, without reservations. We would be swimming, which would mean swimsuits, which would mean Bella in the least amount of clothing I had ever seen her in. I gulped.

Bella huffed. "What do you expect me to wear, Alice? What did _you_ pack for me?" She started going through the bags Emmett had piled on the dock. She pulled out a bag that she assumed was hers, taking a look inside. Gasping, she pulled out two tiny pieces of material covered in pink and white stripes that were sure to be extremely revealing.

"Are you kidding me? You expect me to wear this?" Bella said horrified.

"Of course not! That's mine. This…" she giggled, pulling out a yellow polka dot bikini that was a little less revealing than the pink and white one, "is yours."

I groaned and clenched my teeth. "Not funny, Alice!"

Emmett, wondering what all the commotion was, stopped loading the plane and came up behind us.

"What's going on? Oh! A yellow polka dot bikini! Bella, that is rich, how did you know?" He joined in Alice's laughter.

"Am I missing something?" Bella asked.

I put my arm around her, hugging her closely.

"It's nothing. My siblings just think it's funny to torture me."

"Wow! She's good, my brother. Wait—you didn't know about the yellow bikini?"

"No. I didn't know about it, and _Alice_ is the one who packed it for me."

"Alice, little sister! I never give you enough credit. You are a devious little vampire." Emmett laid out his fist for Alice to bump.

"Why 'thank you _,'_ I try." She blinked rapidly and giggled, bumping his fist in return.

"Okay, can someone please tell me why these two think it's funny if I wear a yellow polka dot bikini?"

Jasper felt the need to explain, I pleaded with him to be kind but he just grinned wickedly at me.

"You're familiar with the song, Bella? It came out in sixties, and we were living on the east coast in Maine at the time. East Coast Doo Wop music had just started to take off. Alice and Rose were heavily into it, and Edward hated it. He was always criticizing their taste in music, calling it 'novelty' music with no depth. He _claimed_ he didn't like any of the pop music that was breaking onto the scene."

"Ugh! He made our lives hell. Always whining when Rose and I would play our music. He took the fun out of the sixties! Bella, you think he's cranky now? He's a dream compared to back then."

Bella tried to stifle her laugh, to be kind I assumed, and I tried to protest Alice's words, but Jasper continued.

"Well, now, that was until that one day." Jasper wiggled his eyebrows smirking at me. I looked to him, pleading but he just turned back to Bella. "We all had some errands to run and everyone was out of the house, except for Edward, which wasn't that unusual. He liked to be alone as much as possible, he said he had 'stuff to do.' Well, Alice and I were the first ones to come home and were driving up the driveway, when we heard the music blaring on the Hi-fi, 'Itsy, Bitsy, Teenie, Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini.'"

At this point in Jasper's story, everyone had started to giggle, including Bella, as Alice started shaking the bikini and humming the song. Bella was completely engrossed in Jasper's story and luckily wasn't looking at me. If blood ran through my veins, I would have been more flushed than Bella had ever been in her life. Of that I had no doubt, especially when I caught Jasper's next thoughts.

"We knew he was the only one home, so we pulled the car over and Alice tried to get a 'bead on him' as to what he could possibly be doing. Sure enough, he was thumbing through a— _ahem_ —ladies catalogue—singing along to the song."

At least Jasper had been relatively kind and wasn't telling the _whole_ story. Bella turned to look at me, a small smirk played on her lips. The others were already laughing remembering the torture they had put me through for years after that. She began to laugh along with them, and the sight of her laughter was worthy of any embarrassing story my siblings would share about me. She was beautiful in that moment, as she relived my tale of mortification along with the rest of them.

"Ever since then, we've tortured Edward relentlessly about his fetish for yellow polka dots. It's been _way_ too long since we brought it up."

"Thanks, Jasper," I spoke through gritted teeth.

"Anytime, my brother." He pretended to tip an imaginary hat at me and lifted Alice into his arms carrying her off to the car, congratulating her in her efforts.

"Man, I forgot about that! We didn't let you live that down for the longest time."

"Yes, I remember all too well, Emmett. Thank you."

Emmett went back to packing the bags, still laughing to himself while singing that infernal song.

I looked for Bella, not sure if I could look her in the eye after that, but she was walking toward me, blushing profusely. I would give anything to know the reason behind that blush—she didn't have anything to be embarrassed about.

She put her arms around me and hugged me, smiling. I breathed in her scent and all was right again as I kissed the top of her head.

"Sorry, about that."

"Are you kidding? I love to hear stories about you, especially the ridiculously embarrassing ones. It helps me to imagine we're equals, that you're only _human_ , well, to an extent anyway."

"Bella, we _are_ equals. When are you going to accept that?" I pulled away from her, looking deep into her soft brown eyes. "You are everything I could ever have hoped for. I thought we had gone over this already. Do you need me to remind you? All those years, I was waiting for you. You don't know how long I've waited."

She blushed again, wrapping her arms around my neck. She exhaled a laugh into the side of my neck, her warm breath caused a rippling sensation down my spine. I wasn't sure if it was the human equivalent to shivers, but it was such a bizarre sensation and I reveled in it like always. She stood on her tiptoes to whisper in my ear.

"I'll wear the bikini for you, if you ask me to."

My eyes widened at her words and I let out a low growl as I picked her up and swung her around, kissing her hard on the mouth. She gripped my hair, pulling me closer, always trying to take it one step further. I could hear Jasper's thoughts break through my own.

_Easy there, Edward. I need to make two runs with the plane before we lose the light and if you continue like that, Alice and I are going to have to delay our departure._

I broke the kiss, holding her inches away from me as she struggled to catch her breath.

"Breathe, Bella."

She sighed, grinning at me. "Do you think I will ever get used to that?"

"I hope not. But you do need to behave just a little bit better than that—I'm in control, but not _that_ much _._ If you wore _that,_ well, let's just say Alice's vision of nothing going wrong this weekend would definitely change."

Bella was constantly testing the boundaries I had so carefully established for our relationship, and that weekend I clearly remembered that I had to erect a few more. I knew there was a part of her that thought I didn't want her in _that_ way. And I was more than happy to oblige and prove otherwise, within reason of course. I loved to look at the expression on her face when she was reminded that I always wanted her in _that_ way. After all, I was still a man.

If I could go back and change things I would have tested those boundaries myself. I would never get the chance to know Bella like that, the way and man and woman should. I would never know a woman like that I realized. I was saddened by that thought, but I knew there would never be another. There were so many 'never's.' Just what had I been waiting for?

I would never know if it was her blood or her body that I wanted more. I knew the answer to that, but I never got to test my theory or push my self-control to its limits. And now I would never know the feel of her skin beneath my own. I would never see her body flush from my touch, or hear her breathe my name as I—

I was snapped back to the present as I heard Emmett's voice.

"Edward, I can't imagine what I would do if I lost Rose, she's my whole world, and there would never be another. So I get it. I get why you are the way you are," he paused, "but enough with the guilt, brother. This wasn't your fault. Half the world is dead. And death is a part of life."

"Then why can't I die?"

He let out a big sigh, a bit shocked at my words. "Is that what you want? You want to die, Edward?"

"Yes." I spoke the truth. I spoke honestly and matter-of-factly. I was so tired. For the past ten years I had been taking care of them, always worried about them and keeping us all together. I never had the time to grieve properly, to reflect on all that I had lost, until this past year. And now I was tired and there really was nothing left for me here, in what was left of the world.

He looked away, towards the trees. I briefly listened to his thoughts as he weighed the options of my confession. He picked up a piece of brick and threw it into the trees. I could hear the crack of the tree as the brick made contact splitting the tree in two.

It was a long time before he spoke out loud, placing a hand on my shoulder he quietly said, "Alright."

It was not the answer I had expected. His face was full of pain as he spoke the word, but he was telling the truth. He would hate himself for hurting the others, but he would help me.

 _It will kill Esme and the rest of them, but I'll deal with that when_ _the time comes. If you want to end your life, Edward_ _…_ _I_ will _help you._

Placing my hand on his shoulder, I looked him in the eyes, willing my gratitude on him without having to speak the words. Placing his hand over my own, he nodded his understanding.

He stood up, stretching. "Of course, it _ain't_ going to happen until we figure out what is happening in the south first. If it comes to a fight, we are going to need you and I won't risk Rosalie's life or the others to be one man down prematurely." _And if it does come to a fight, maybe I won't have to follow through…_

He didn't finish his thoughts, but I knew exactly what he meant. It would be easy to be reckless in a fight.

"I can accept that, Emmett, in fact I would prefer to be around it if it does come down to that."

He raised an eyebrow, questioning my words.

"I haven't told anyone this, not even Carlisle." Emmett sat back down when he heard the gravity in my voice.

"He would probably understand better than anyone, but I know he would try to convince me to—to not die. The thing is, I'm already dead, Emmett. I feel it, I am completely dead inside. Yes, some things bring me joy, all of you bring me joy, but it pales in comparison to what I felt when I had Bella. There will _never_ be anyone else. Bella is dead—" I swallowed. Those three words had never crossed my lips—ever. "—and I desperately want to be with her."

We sat for a moment longer. Picking up a brick, I mirrored Emmett's throw from minutes ago. I heard the crack of the splitting tree as it fell to the ground just like his had done.

"I've often thought that maybe this was my penance—to spend an eternity like this, living in my own personal hell. All because for a fleeting moment, I had wanted to take Bella's life, take her soul and this was my punishment for being a selfish monster. And maybe it is.

"I don't know if our kind has a life after death, but if there is any possibility that we do, I need to do everything within my power to make sure I can be with her. I need to make sure the people that I love are okay, safe and happy. This is my purgatory and the six of you are my redemption. It's the only thing I have been hanging on to for all these years—it's the only thing I have left. If there is a heaven, Bella is there, I'm sure of that. I just need to figure out how I can get there. Can you understand that, Emmett?"

He was solemn and stoic—he was the best brother a man could ever hope to have. He looked long and hard at me, before speaking.

"We'll get you there, Edward. I promise."

.

ROSALIE WAS WAITING FOR us on the front porch when we arrived back at the house. Her eyes narrowed, she could read Emmett like a book. She knew something had transpired between the two of us while we were gone.

_Edward, what did you say to Emmett? I know that look of resolve. He's agreed to something he doesn't want to do._

"It's nothing, Rosalie." I looked at her begging her to drop it.

Emmett swept her up in his arms. "It's nothing, Rosie, just some guy talk is all," he answered nonchalantly.

"You're both lying."

"Drop it, Rose." He kissed her with finality hoping to convince her. He set her down as she continued to glare at me.

 _I don't know what you've done, but if you get him harmed in any way, I_ will _kill you._

 _Oh the irony_. If it was just that simple. A crooked smile crossed my lips while I walked into the house and I realized I was extremely grateful that Alice's visions had yet to return.

Esme and Carlisle were waiting inside the foyer for me. I didn't expect any less from them. I was trying not to be the insolent son, but I really had had enough of everyone, so I walked passed them without saying anything. Their faces reminded me of what everyone was like when we first left Forks ten years ago. I couldn't stand to see their pity, because this time the pity was real. Ten years ago, their thoughts of pity were torn between respecting the decision I had made to leave Forks—leaving my happiness behind and wanting to shake some sense into me for walking away from that happiness.

Now, _my_ thoughts were torn. It had been a long time since I had seen those looks of pity from them, and I loathed it. But what it also meant, was that they were healing, and that gave me some hope. My family was going to be alright, and I helped get them there. 'We'll get you there, Edward. I promise.' Emmett's words played over and over in my head. I had to try.

_Edward, we made the rules for a reason._

Carlisle followed me into the kitchen. I didn't really have a place to go to get away from everyone. I had refused to step foot in my old bedroom on the third floor. Alice and Jasper had even volunteered to switch rooms, but I politely declined. The truth was—I didn't want anyone in there. That room was from another time and even though the family had returned all my familiar belongings to the room, I knew they would bring me no comfort.

For the last four days, I had been relentlessly helping where I was needed. I had cleared the top two feet of soil for Esme's garden and I had helped Jasper hard-wire the generators for electricity. I helped Emmett with the windows, Rosalie with the vehicles and the tune ups they were desperately in need of. Alice with the washing of the walls and floors, and all this time I had managed to avoid Carlisle.

_I was hoping we could talk. We haven't had a chance to discuss the situation in the South, and…I just want to know how you are doing._

"Carlisle," I sighed, "do we have to do this now?" I didn't want to hurt his feelings but I just had about all the heart-to-hearts I could handle at the moment.

 _No of course not._ He looked at me with worry. This was the one time I was not comforted by his presence. I knew it wouldn't be long before he saw right through me, we were connected above all the others. He would figure it out sooner or later. I was a coward because I knew it would devastate him to learn of my plans, and then we would debate countless hours over my decision. I didn't want him to try and stray me from my path, it was one of the reasons I confided in Emmett. I knew he would listen objectively, and above all else, he would get it.

I saw the hurt in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Carlisle. It's just been a long day. I'm sorry about running off, I won't do it again, I just needed some time to myself, to my own thoughts."

_Of course. I will respect your privacy, Edward, you know that. I won't pry._

"Thank you, I'm grateful seeing as I have never been able to give you that."

_Son, I know you will come to me when the time is right. That is all I need to know._

Esme joined us in the kitchen. "Edward, Carlisle, am I interrupting?"

"Not at all, dear, what is it?"

"Alice has been wondering if there was a way to get some bee hives going. I think it's a brilliant idea. We could trade the honey, since sugar is such a short commodity for the humans, and the beeswax alone could be used for all kinds of things. Not to mention candles would be quite beneficial."

Carlisle wrapped his arms around his wife. "Tell Alice it's a wonderful idea and we will help in any way we can."

"Jasper is in your study right now doing some research, he could use some help. Edward, what do you think?"

"Of course." I appreciated Esme's effort to keep me busy and away from Carlisle. She had been watching me like a hawk these past few days and it seemed my attempts to stay away from Carlisle had not gone unnoticed.

I walked into Carlisle's study and sure enough Jasper had been poring over whatever books he could get his hands on that involved agriculture and any kind of farming.

"I guess you heard." He half-smiled at me looking up from the desk. "It's going to be tough to find the honey bees I think. There's much debate whether or not they would survive the nuclear fallout. But if we can find some, I think we might be able to do it." _You okay?_

"Yup. I will be."

_You aren't going to tell me, are you?_

"Nope."

He narrowed his eyes as I felt him testing my resolve. After a moment, he looked back down at the book he was reading, giving me my space.

If Emmett was the brother a man always wanted, Jasper was the brother a man always needed. Neither of them pried into my life, but whereas Emmett never dwelled too long on a subject and usually reacted to his immediate thoughts, Jasper looked at it from every angle and analyzed it after careful thought. He was methodical by nature—a true thinker, a military man. He was never rash and never acted on his emotions, knowing full well what happened to people when they did.

I suppose his gift, and how he spent the first hundred years of his life, had a lot to do with that, but it was just who he was. And he complemented Alice so very much. He was the calm behind her driving force of enthusiasm. Their love was so very different from Rosalie and Emmett. Emmett and Rosalie flagrantly flaunted themselves whenever they could. With Alice and Jasper, it seemed to go much deeper than they ever let anyone see. Of course I was privy to their connection whether I liked it or not, but I never minded with the two of them though. I was extremely grateful the day they showed up on our doorstep, even if Alice had kicked me out of my own bedroom while I had been away.

It was an instant connection between Alice and me. Our talents brought us closer together than the others. Jasper took a little longer to warm up to, but he was a good man and I had seen a glimpse of what our lives would be like without him, and I never wanted to experience that again.

"I've been thinking," Jasper spoke, "about what we heard in the last District. About these _Ravagers_ the humans insist upon."

"Is this a discussion we should extend to the family?"

 _No, not yet. The others are out at the garden, I heard them leave._ Jasper was looking hard at me. _Look, I know you and Emmett discussed something big while you were gone, he's a mess of emotions, and you_ _…_ _you're just empty, with a bit of relief shining through. I don't want to know because I know Alice won't like it, and I won't be able to lie to her. But we need to talk about this stuff in the South before you make any…decisions._

I took a deep breath—he really did know me well after all these years. It was going to be hard to hide it from all of them. I panicked slightly at that thought—Carlisle would definitely know if Jasper could guess. I just hoped they would keep it to themselves. Esme and Alice could never know about my agreement with Emmett, and Rosalie would quite possibly kill me herself for asking him.

"Fair enough." I nodded my head, not giving him anything else. "What have you been thinking about the South?"

I listened as Jasper's theories about the goings on in the South, played out in his head. A look of realization must have crossed my face, as I came to the same conclusions as him.

"Oh, I didn't think of that. You could be right, and if you are, well, that changes everything."

We had been discussing our theories for over an hour, when we came to a stalemate. We had both agreed that someone was going to have to pay a visit to the south and investigate, getting some further proof of our speculations. As far as I was concerned, it was a moot point. I was the obvious choice to go, because I had nothing left to lose. Jasper was highly opposed to my side of the argument, and felt he was the best candidate, as he was the most familiar with the subject. We had been locked in a heated debate for some time when we were interrupted by Alice running into the room. Completely absorbed in the conversation, we never even heard her coming.

Jasper stood alarmed by Alice's apprehension. "What is it? What's happened?"

"We are going to have a visitor."

"What? What do you mean?"

She closed her eyes in concentration. "I don't know who, I can just _feel_ that someone is coming."

For years now, Alice hadn't been exactly having visions anymore, but she would get these _feelings_ that would be almost as good. We trusted her _feelings_ just as much as we had her visions. They had never led us astray.

"Where are the others?" I asked.

"Out back in Esme's garden, but they were heading to the old baseball field. Emmett wanted to get a game going, so I was coming back to see if you two would join us. I was almost at the house when I just felt … this … presence coming into all of our lives."

"How soon?"

"Soon."

"Alice, run back and get the others, Edward and I will stay and see who it is." She looked at him conveying her concern, but he just reached for her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, and I could feel his love for her emanating from him. It was a simple gesture which spoke volumes between the two of them. Smiling, she turned on her heel and raced out of the room.


	7. There's Many a Slip Twixt Cup and Lip

**CHAPTER 6**

**-:- There's Many a Slip Twixt Cup and Lip -:-**

* * *

**2016 -:- Present Day**

Jasper and I stood outside the front door, unsure of what to expect. We both had thought about running back to the others to avoid the stranger all together, but truth be told, we were tired of running. This was our home now, and we would meet whoever it was head on.

_Who do you think it is? A vampire? Can you hear their thoughts?_

"No, there's nothing yet. More than likely it's one of us. Who else would know we're here? A vampire could easily come across our scent, leading them here."

Jasper's mind briefly wandered to thoughts of people surviving in our house after we had left. "I don't like this. It doesn't feel right. How does someone just happen to show up four days after we get here. Vampire or human?" _Maybe someone has been living here?_

"I don't like it either, but from the state of the house when we arrived, it didn't look like anyone had been here in years. Besides, we would have known, we would have smelled the. The house has been empty." We could hear the rumbling of a vehicle as it turned off the main road onto our lane. "It doesn't look like we have much of a choice now, does it? Whoever it is, I'm sure it's no coincidence. They know we're here."

 _A vehicle? Not many people have vehicles._ He looked at me—expecting answers. _Anything yet?_

My brow was furrowed in concentration as I tried to listen both with my ears and my mind.

"That's impossible," I whispered more to myself than to Jasper.

"What? Whoa, you're about to bust out of your skin. What is it?"

"I _know_ that sound. But it—it can't be right."

Jasper looked at me with confusion. I knew my emotions were running rampant, but that would be expected with the sound coming up the lane.

"I'd know that sound anywhere. It's the Chevy. That's Bella's truck."

Jasper grabbed me just as I started to run after the sound of the engine that was all too familiar to me—calling me.

"Stop!" His arms grabbed me in a tight hold and I struggled to break free. "You don't know who it is. It could be anyone. We need to wait for the others."

"Let go."

"You can wrestle me to the ground, brother, but I'm not letting you go."

"I'm not going to say it again. Let. Me. Go."

The anger rolling off me was not helping my situation—it was only fuelling Jasper as well. He held me in a death grip, refusing to let up. The rumbling in my chest was fierce, warning him to back off and that I was about to turn on him like a vicious savage. I flashed my teeth and growled, proving I wasn't kidding. Didn't he understand that I needed to go? I needed to see with my own eyes who was driving that truck. I couldn't wait.

"I'll give you to the count of three. To. Take. Your. Hands. Off. Me." I spoke through clenched teeth.

"It isn't going to happen." Jasper's voice was just as strained with the effort it was taking to hold me back.

I pushed my head away from him, teeth bared, getting ready to strike, just as two large hands grabbed me and pulled me from him.

" _Edward!_ What are you doing?" Carlisle's voice rang through my red-hazed thoughts. I shook my head trying to clear it as Emmett gripped me tighter while the others looked on. Esme's face was filled with consternation and Carlisle just looked disappointed.

"What is this about?" _What has gotten into you?_

I looked over at Jasper who held Alice in his arms, enraged that he had the audacity to hold me back, when he knew exactly what that sound could possibly mean. The panic took hold of me as I struggled to break free of Emmett's grip. Jasper's face was filled with sympathy, and I felt him try to ease my torment.

"It's okay, Carlisle. We're okay. Edward and I were just having … a disagreement."

"What about?"

"It doesn't matter now because we're about to have company. Edward, can you tell who it is yet?" Jasper slowly moved closer, with his hands in the air, trying to get me under control.

It hadn't gone unnoticed by anyone that Emmett still had a hold of me, and I struggled again to break free from his grip.

"No. Their thoughts aren't making any sense, but it's two of them. Two humans, men." My voice was filled with disappointment and defeat, and Emmett loosened his hold.

 _I'm sorry, Edward._ Jasper didn't need to explain any further, I knew exactly what he was apologizing for.

"Wait. That sounds like Bella's truck," Rosalie spoke up. "How can that be?"

Thoughts of surprise filled my head and then understanding as my family drew their own conclusions about what had transpired between Jasper and me.

_Oh, Edward…_

I scowled at their pity and was about to reply when my heart shattered for the millionth time in decades. Bella's busted-up, old, red Chevy truck turned the corner and was crawling up the lane. The brakes squeaked just as I remembered and the truck came to a stop. The engine was cut, but no one got out of the vehicle.

My feet were firmly planted, I couldn't move for fear it was a hallucination. Something my sick brain had conjured up to torture me yet again. We all stood still, too shocked for words, except for Carlisle. He walked toward the truck with a huge smile on his face and it wasn't until the driver's side door opened, that I fully understood the reasoning behind his smile. Charlie Swan. An extremely weathered and older Charlie Swan, but Charlie Swan nonetheless stepped from the cab of the truck. The last ten years had not been kind to him.

His hair was prematurely gray, and the lines in his face were deep from years of hardship and worry. His body was lean and sinewy, from what could most likely be attributed to hard, physical labor. He looked as if he had aged at least twenty-five years, but, he was alive. That spark of hope reignited in my body, for just a split second, right before I heard his thoughts loud and clear.

 _Is she here? Is she with them?_ He was desperately scanning each of our faces in recognition and I saw his look of disappointment when he counted only seven faces, which only compounded my own disappointment. He was looking for Bella, which meant, she was not with him. The realization caused the guilt to wash over me again. There had always been that little bit of doubt in my mind that hoped, even prayed she was still alive, possibly living with Charlie, that they had survived the insurmountable odds, and lived on, even if it was in the confines of my own mind. Seeing Charlie, standing in the flesh before me, shattered my illusion once and for all. _She was gone._

"Well, Chief Swan! I see you took our advice after all." Carlisle's voice rang out in delight as he walked toward him extending his hand.

"H-how can—Carlisle, it _is_ you!" He took Carlisle's hand and shook it ardently. His thoughts were slightly confused and overwhelmed by our appearances. To him we looked exactly the same as the last time we had seen him, over ten years ago. _Impossible. Then again after what I've seen, I guess nothing is impossible._

"You have no idea how good it is to see you, Charlie." Carlisle slapped him on the back leading him toward the rest of us, trying to make the man feel at ease.

_Edward, there's no going back now. I'm sure Charlie is full of questions. We need to make him feel as comfortable as possible. Perhaps you can ask Jasper to help out._

I gave a slight nod of my head and sidled toward Jasper and Alice, quietly relaying the message only they could hear. Immediately, I could feel the effects of Jasper's talent.

"I think we have a lot to catch up on." Carlisle chuckled. "How did you know we were here?"

It was at that moment, the passenger door opened and a young man around the age of twenty-five, with dark skin and long black hair, stepped forward hesitantly.

"Well, for years now, we've been monitoring the radios. We communicate with other Districts on a regular basis, and then four days ago, Seth, my son," Charlie nodded his head toward the man who had just stepped out of the truck, "picked up on an _odd_ transmission. I recognized the name 'Emmett'— it's not a name you hear too often— and remembered you had a boy by that name. I couldn't be sure it was all of you, but I thought I should come check it out."

"See! I told you to stick to the handles! You never know who's listening," Emmett exclaimed triumphantly, which earned him another cuff to the head from Rosalie.

"Please forgive our son." Esme had stepped forward and was standing next to Carlisle. "So, this is your son?" she asked just as surprised as the rest of us.

"Yes, this is Seth. Seth, this is Esme and Dr. Carlisle Cullen and their, er, children." The young man gave a slight nod of his head toward us, smiling cautiously. His thoughts were curious about us, but nothing out of the ordinary.

"It seems we have a lot to catch up on, won't you come in?" Esme smiled warmly.

"Ah, yes, thank you," he said as he ran his hand over his mouth, rubbing that same moustache I remembered him for, all the while laughing incredulously. "I guess we do."

Esme stepped toward Charlie with certainty and Seth's body became rigid as he took a reflexive step closer to Charlie. His thoughts betrayed nothing, it was almost as if it was instinctual, but he quickly relaxed once he saw Esme's intention, but he never took his eyes off of her.

"It's so good to see you again, Charlie," she said, as she hugged him.

As we walked toward the house, Esme continued with the introductions. Charlie had never properly met the rest of the family, and he was extremely curious about Emmett and his size. He was comparing the size of his son and the other boys that came from the Quileute reservation. He chuckled to himself, wondering if it had been something in the water so many years ago.

So the Quileute's did manage to survive,I thought to myself. Carlisle will be interested to know that bit of information.

When Esme got to Alice, Charlie couldn't contain his excitement, he wrapped her up in his arms squeezing her tightly and whispered, "Thank you."

She giggled in return and told him how happy she was to see him. She always had a soft spot for the Chief of Police and I could tell that her feelings were reciprocated. He set her down and placed his hands on her shoulders, sharing the same look of remorse and understanding of what they both had lost. I briefly wondered what Charlie had to be remorseful for, it was my fault Bella was gone, not his.

We made our way into the house, and Charlie and Seth were astounded with what we had done with the place. The house was almost as impressive as it was prior to the day we left Forks. Seth's thoughts were wild with excitement at seeing Emmett's corner of indulgence. He had all of his electronics proudly on display. His PlayStation, along with his games, DVD's, CD's, Stereo, flat screen TV, you name it, Emmett still had it all from 2006.

Carlisle and Esme led them to the living room, gesturing to take a seat on the leather sofa, and the rest of us gathered around the room finding a space anywhere we could.

"This is amazing. It's like you never left…" Charlie cleared his throat.

"I guess you could say we were more than a little prepared," Esme said, putting her arm around Alice.

Charlie fidgeted with the collar of his shirt, as he cleared his throat again. His clothes were relatively clean, but definitely worn from the years of harsh conditions he must have endured. He was clearly uncomfortable, and feeling out of place sitting amongst all of Esme's fine things. It was an extremely awkward silence; the kind where there is so much to say, but no one had any idea of where to start.

_Somebody say something._

"Perhaps you would like something to drink?" _Thank, God, for Esme._

"Yes, thank you. That would be great."

Rosalie's thoughts were all too predictable as she and Emmett left the room to get some canned drinks we had stored out back for trading with the Districts.

 _Well_ that _wasn't awkward. What the hell are we supposed to do now? We can't exactly hide what we are anymore. I am_ not _moving again. This is_ home _. You hear me, Edward?_ She glared at me as she and Emmett returned carrying two glasses of amber colored liquid.

Seth's eyes were alight with astonishment. "Apple juice! You've got to be kidding me! Where did you get this? We ran out of apple juice about six years ago. All we have now is old cider from the apples we manage to gather. Don't get me wrong, cider is great, but this stuff, wow!" All his uncertainty toward us was thrown out the window as soon as Rosalie handed him his glass.

I was beginning to like this kid. His enthusiasm was obviously catching as Jasper reigned in his delight and it was quite refreshing after all these years.

"Don't get too used to it, Seth. If they continue to spoil us like this, we might never leave, and the others will send a search party and before long they'll be raiding your stuff and imposing on your hospitality too." Charlie grinned widely at the glass. "Thank you, Rosalie." None of us really understood what they were so happy about, the stuff smelled foul.

"So there are others?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes." Charlie nodded taking a sip from the glass. "Mmm…" He closed his eyes and his thoughts were nothing but pleasant. "This is very generous of you, thank you. I can't tell you how good that tastes."

"Well, perhaps I could interest you in something a little stronger? If you'll excuse me for a second." _Edward, this may help to take off the edge._

Carlisle had gone for the box of scotch we had been saving to trade with one of the Districts that was rather fond of the drink. He was gone but a few seconds, and returned holding a bottle of Johnnie Walker. That was one of the benefits of not having to eat or drink your own supplies, they lasted a lot longer than the human's supplies. We still managed to have quite a few stores of food stashed all over the country, ready to trade for fuel or help wherever it was needed.

"It's not the best, but I think it will do the job."

Charlie's eyes widened in surprise and he was completely taken aback at Carlisle's gesture. "Oh, thank you, but we can't possibly. You save that for yourselves, it's too much."

"Well, I think this is a cause for a celebration. In this day and age, it's not often you meet up with dear friends, and from the looks of things, Charlie, you and Seth deserve a few simple pleasures."

"Thank you, but I don't deserve it," he finished quietly, lowering his head in what I thought was shame. I looked to Jasper for confirmation.

_He's filled with guilt, Edward. It's almost on par with yours._

"Charlie, that's _bullshit_ and you know it."

"Watch your mouth, son," Charlie scolded Seth, both of them setting their glasses down on the coffee table, squaring off.

The rest of us looked on, curious at their exchange. I could feel Jasper working his magic on the room, hoping to ease Charlie and Seth a little bit. Charlie glanced up, looking around the room. He felt something was different, strange. His suspicions of us, that we were something other than human, were surfacing again. I knew we would have to address this soon, but there were other things to discuss first. Luckily, Seth spoke before he could come to any clear conclusions.

"I'm sorry, but enough's enough! I for one have never tasted Scotch, so I would love a glass and Charlie will too." He glared at Charlie waiting for him to object. "He's been blaming himself for years." Seth looked to each of us before turning back to Charlie. "It's not your fault. You saved us, all of us. Why can't you accept that you're a hero in all of this, dad?"

_Because I couldn't save the one person that mattered the most._

And there it was. Charlie's accusation hit me with full force. I let out a huge breath.

"Charlie, it was my fault, not yours," I whispered. "How can you feel responsible?"

"Still reading minds, kid?"

I nodded and saw from the corner of my eye, Seth's mouth drop open in confusion.

"Well, then you would know that it _was_ my fault."

I watched as he replayed the scene in his mind from the day Carlisle, Esme and I left his house. It was like I was watching a movie play through his eyes.

After we had left, he scrutinized over our conversation for a few hours and then the rational side of Charlie's brain kicked in. He had come to the conclusion that we were certifiable and he started to panic for his daughter's safety. He wasn't ready to accept the idea that I could read minds, but regardless, he knew that we had the resources to find Bella if we really wanted to. He picked up the phone and called Renee in Baltimore, warning her that I was probably looking for Bella and would be on their doorstep soon. He told her he didn't want any of the Cullens back in Bella's life and she agreed.

Renee and Phil didn't even think twice, they packed up and told Bella they were taking her on a vacation. Phil had some time in between his coaching jobs, and they told her they wanted to take her away to clear her mind, get a new perspective on things. Bella had not been going to school since she left Forks—she wasn't in any frame of mind to do so and Renee had been homeschooling her the best that she could. So it wasn't a problem to pack up and leave at a moment's notice.

Renee had assured Charlie she wouldn't let any one of us near her daughter, and she would call once they knew where they were going. They left Baltimore within hours of Charlie's phone call, and he never heard from them again.

"It's my fault, I'm so sorry, Edward. If—I—if I hadn't interfered. If I had just trusted you…"

I stood, breathing deeply, mustering up all of my courage to stop myself from reaching across the glass coffee table and snapping his neck. It was for just a split second, and only my family had noticed as I heard them all scream silently at me. I ran from the room as quickly as I possibly could without drawing too much attention to my speed. If I had stayed, I was fairly sure my control would have wavered. So I did the only thing I could think of, and I ran.

My family's cries invaded my head, as they begged me to come back. They were completely confused by my reaction, not having heard anything I had learned from Charlie. At this moment, I wished they could have read my thoughts and know that I didn't want anyone to follow me. I needed some time to be alone to process Charlie's words. _We had been so close!_

The most strangled and deafening cry tore through my chest, and the forest grew silent around me as I screamed. I continued to run, not wanting to stop for anything. I knew Charlie had never liked me, I just never knew the extent of that hatred. It was nothing less than I deserved. I was a monster, and even if Bella had never come to realize that, her father sure did. I slammed my hand against an old decaying tree trunk and it came crashing down next to me. It felt good— it was exactly what I needed. I continued slamming into trees, clearing a path of destruction as I ran. I wished I could feel the physical pain behind it, even though I knew that was not possible. I just wanted a release from the emotional pain that scarred me all of these years.

I woke up from my violent haze and became fully conscious of where I was. It was instinct that had stopped me from crossing the line, but I had no more desire to live, so my instincts could go to hell for all intents and purposes. I slowly walked up to the imaginary border that stretched along the treaty boundary. I had no idea if the wolves were still around since the days of Ephraim Black, but I would take my chances. With one deliberate stride, I broke the treaty we had established more than eighty years ago hoping the legend of the wolf was still as present as ever and my death would be quick. I would forgo the painless part of that saying, if someone or something would just end my life. _I had been so close…_

**2006 -:- Past Memories**

WE HAD LEFT CHARLIE'S with such hope in our hearts that we would be sure to find Bella. Carlisle was on the phone with Emmett before we had even pulled out of the driveway. The others were going to continue with the preparations and once we had gotten to Bella, the plan was to meet back at the house in Forks. This seemed like the best place to be when the bombs hit, at least the most familiar and I knew Bella would want to be with her father. Hopefully, we could convince Renee and Phil to come along with us. That, or force them to come with us, which I was not above doing at this point.

Alice's visions were coming in flashes stronger than before, and were much more definite. She had started to see landmarks from around the world being incinerated before her eyes. The most distinct being Big Ben, the Kremlin and more importantly Capitol Hill. If Bella was in Baltimore, she was in a _hot zone_ and we needed to get to her soon. We still had no idea when this was going to take place, and everything became that much more urgent.

We had planned on flying to Baltimore, but the only fight the three of us could get on, was a flight leaving at ten later that evening and it wouldn't arrive until nine-thirty, Monday morning, local time. I had already wasted twenty-four hours in Forks waiting, I wasn't about to waste another minute. With that kind of delay, we were fairly close to the twenty-one hours it would take to drive to Baltimore, at vampire speed of course. Flying, also would have meant being out of contact with the rest of the family for the duration of the flight, and we couldn't risk that.

So I pushed the Volvo to its limits as we raced across the country toward the only thing that mattered to me. At least by driving, Carlisle and Esme were able to conduct all the business that needed to be taken care of to prepare for what was coming. They had been constantly on their phones acquiring supplies for the underground storage facilities Jasper had managed to purchase in the last thirty-six hours. It still amazed me what could be done with unlimited resources.

Carlisle had made numerous contacts over the years, and was fairly discreet in his transactions. He was careful never to conduct all of his business with one supplier to avoid suspicion. I could tell things were laying heavily on his mind. He was in constant turmoil of whether or not he should be warning each of these people he had been in contact with about what was coming.

Every now and then, he would stop and take a break from it all and seek out my conversation. We spent an hour here and there debating as to what should be done. Carlisle, always the compassionate soul, wanted to help them all. I only had one human that I wanted to help and that was already proving to be extremely difficult. I told him he was absurd if he thought warning people would help them in any way. It would only cause panic and chaos, and maybe I was being selfish, but I needed to find Bella before any of that happened. I couldn't risk her life like that. It would make it almost impossible to find her if that kind of anarchy were to erupt, not to mention the Volturi's reaction to our revelations.

It was just before three in the morning and we were approaching the outskirts of Columbus. We had been vigilant in our efforts to get there as quickly as possible and were making incredible time. Carlisle had just ended his call with Rosalie, discussing how far they had gotten with all the preparations in the Midwest. The car was silent, none of us wishing to discuss the possibility of not finding Bella. I had been trying my best to ignore Esme's thoughts when they wandered from the task at hand. They were filled with hopeful images of the eight of us, together as a family. A 'Norman Rockwell' type painting that disturbed me quite a bit. For one, with whatever was coming, that image was more than likely never going to happen and secondly, I knew Esme was imagining Bella like one of _us,_ and I was still a bit bothered by that. I was staring out the windshield, trying to concentrate on the road and not Esme, when Carlisle's phone pierced the silence of the night. _Alice._

"She's not there!" I heard her frantic voice on the other end.

"Alice? What do you mean?" Carlisle asked, and despite his soothing voice, the panic started to build in me so I pulled on to the shoulder of the highway.

"She's not there! She's not there!" she yelled at Carlisle.

"Alice, honey, you need to calm down and explain to me what you saw."

"I just know! I don't know how I know. I just know she isn't there! I _feel_ it."

"What do you mean, _feel_ it?" I asked completely confused by her words. "You aren't making any sense, Alice. Did you have a vision? Is Jasper with you?"

We could hear the phone change hands as Jasper got on the line.

"She's been saying this for about a half an hour now. I came upstairs to get the last of our stuff, and she was curled up in the corner of the empty room rocking back and forth just saying 'she's not there,' over and over. I couldn't snap her out of it. At least not until I started dialing your number, and then she came to life telling me it wasn't a vision but a feeling that Bella wasn't in Baltimore anymore. I don't know, Carlisle, I've never seen her like this." Jasper's voice was rife with worry and he let out a huge breath. "I don't know what to do."

"Jasper, you need to keep her calm. I know you are trying, but it is very important to keep her as calm as possible. Has she seen anything else?"

"No. Not apart from the flashes. They are still coming because I can feel her pain when they do. This _feeling_ she's been describing is something new."

"Okay, I think you two should join us. We will try to find out what happened to Bella. We'll track down Renee and Phil if we can, and hopefully they will tell us where she is. How long will it take you to get to Baltimore?"

"A few hours."

"We'll probably get there before you, so if we move on, we'll keep in contact and you can follow us. Son, you have to keep her calm."

"I understand, thank you, Carlisle. I just…" I had never heard Jasper so shaken, he was always so composed. It was completely unsettling to know that Alice and Jasper were experiencing so much suffering, and we weren't there to help them.

"I know. We'll wait for you if we can." Carlisle ended the call and turned to me from the passenger seat. "Edward, I don't know what this means, but I think we are running out of time. Let's get to the hotel. "

"Carlisle, Jasper and Alice need you. You should be with them," I stated sheepishly. I was selfishly taking Carlisle away from them, and they needed him more than I did.

"One thing at a time. Just get to the hotel as quick as you can. Jasper's on his way and besides, there's nothing we can do for them right now," he answered as the consummate professional he was, instead of the father his thoughts betrayed him as. He was torn between what was happening with Alice and helping me, but he was right, we had to tackle one thing at a time.

I saw Esme's face drop as she turned to look out the darkened window. Her hand instinctively went to her mouth, as I watched her reflection in the glass, the 'Norman Rockwell' painting quickly slipping from her mind. Her greatest fear had returned. Her family was falling apart right before her eyes and she was helpless all over again.

Carlisle effortlessly moved to the back seat and reached across the seat gathering her in his arms, and whispered into her hair, "Darling, they'll be all right. We'll all be together soon. You must have faith."

Her thoughts were fraught with worry for all of us, Emmett and Rosalie, Jasper and Alice and of course Bella. She truly did think of her as a daughter, and she would not be at peace until we were all together again. My own thoughts strayed briefly away from Bella as I contemplated Carlisle's words. Did I have enough faith to believe that we would all survive this? What was to become of us all? I didn't want to think of what would happen to any of us if we lost just one member of our family … _catastrophic_. I pushed the Volvo to its max as I raced against the dwindling time that pressed upon us.

.

FROM WHAT WE COULD tell from the investigating we had done on the long drive to Baltimore, was that Phil had broken his leg, and was no longer playing ball. He had accepted a coaching job in Baltimore and Renee and Phil were living in a hotel until they could sell their place in Phoenix.

We had made it to the hotel at first light, luckily it was a cloudy day, so we were free to move around in the daylight, and we discovered Alice had been right. The 'Dwyer's' had checked out of the hotel yesterday early evening, and had left no forwarding address. Immediately, I made a phone call to Charlie, only to get his answering machine, but I left him a message desperately pleading for Bella's whereabouts. Carlisle made numerous phone calls to the Forks Police Station, hoping to find Charlie there, but Chief Swan was always 'occupied' or 'out of the station' each time he rang. It had been four days since Alice's first vision, and we were right back to square one. I was nowhere closer to Bella

"What are you going to do?"

"The only thing I can possibly do at this point. I'm going to Phoenix. If Renee is selling the house, she has to have a lawyer and a real estate agent. I can track them down and they should know where they are, or at least how to contact them. It's my only option if Charlie won't return my calls."

"We should fly this time. It'll be faster."

"I'm going alone. Right now, Alice needs you the most. You've done more than enough. I can't expect any more from either of you. There is too much to do and I can't possibly take you away from that. Alice's visions are getting stronger and from the sounds of it, she's going to need help."

Esme looked a little relieved, but torn as well. Her thoughts were with me, even though in her heart, she needed to see Jasper and Alice. She'd been relatively silent since Jasper's call.

I grabbed her hand, squeezing gently. "I'll be fine," I whispered.

"You find her and head straight to Forks," Carlisle said. "We'll meet you there as soon as we can." _You call us if you need_ anything.

"I will. You sure you'll be okay if I leave you here? I don't want to leave you stranded."

Carlisle nodded, trying his best to reassure me. "Esme and I will wait for Jasper, and we'll take the vehicles to Forks. We still have to acquire the fuel and finish up what we can, and I'm sure Rosalie and Emmett will need our help as well."

"I truly am sorry to be leaving you like this. I wish I could be of more help." I squeezed Esme's hand again and she smiled in return.

"Edward, you can help Esme and the rest of us by finding Bella, that's the most important thing right now." _And I think it's time I made a call to Aro_ _…_ His thoughts trailed off.

"Do you think that's wise?" The look he gave me clearly meant that he had no intention of sharing the last bit of his thoughts with me. He didn't want to burden me or worse, make me angry. He knew my feelings about contacting the Volturi.

"I don't think I have a choice in the matter anymore. They have a right to know and they need to make the decision as to how we approach the humans with this information. We can't leave them unprepared. I'll never forgive myself."

I was adamantly against it, but I would still respect his decision if he felt it was for the best. I trusted him completely. I knew exactly the reasoning behind Carlisle's thoughts, but it didn't mean that it terrified me any less. Yes, we had to do what we could to warn as many people as possible, but how do you do that without creating widespread pandemonium? It was simple. You didn't. I had a small window to find Bella and get back to Forks before any of this happened. For a vampire who had eternity, I was very quickly running out of time.


	8. Fools Rush in Where Angels Fear to Tread

**CHAPTER 7**

**-:- Fools Rush in Where Angels Fear to Tread -:-**

* * *

**2006 -:- Past Memories**

My departure from Baltimore was a bit delayed. I waited around with Esme and Carlisle at the hotel, or I should say motel, that Renee and Phil had been staying at. Carlisle had decided to get a room so he and Esme could continue to conduct business privately while they waited for Jasper and Alice. The accommodations were extremely modest and poorly decorated with a leftover seventies décor. Browns and golds filled the patterns on the walls and the bedspread was riddled with cream and canned-pea-green swirls. And the room smelled awful, of mildew and stale-cigarette smoke. Esme definitely looked out of place carefully perched on the edge of the bed in her impeccably tailored jacket and red wrap-around dress. Sitting down next to her, I reached for her hand, trying to ease her mind from the rampant thoughts of everything that still needed to get done.

"Not the best place to wait around in, I'm not really enjoying the idea that Bella stayed here for so long. What were Phil and Renee thinking? She would have been better off in Forks," I said casually trying to make conversation while we waited for Carlisle to finish up some business before he contacted the Volturi. I needed to hear firsthand what the Volturi would plan to do before I left for Phoenix.

She smiled warmly. "I'm sure they were just doing their best. It couldn't have been easy for them, I imagine."

I nodded, unsure of what else to say. "I'm sorry for leaving you here. I–I …"

"Edward, you will find her. All my faith rests in that. The two of you are meant to be together. You came alive when you met her. You _lived_ … and you will again." The smile reached her eyes as she placed her hand against my cheek, and I leaned into it closing my eyes.

"I hope so, Esme. I hope so." I sighed.

"I know so."

.

THE VOLTURI'S REACTIONS DIDN'T surprise me when Carlisle made the call to Aro. It was as we thought; the Volturi mocked him and his 'silly worries' over the humans. Marcus called it 'utter nonsense,' while Caius wondered why he should 'possibly care what the humans did with themselves.' Hearing the conviction in Carlisle's voice, Aro eventually considered what he had to say, but he carefully weighed his options before speaking on the matter.

"I would like you to bring the little one here. I would like to see her in person," Aro mused.

"Absolutely out of the question, Aro. Alice isn't going anywhere, or anyone in my family for that matter," Carlisle spoke boldly.

"Well, perhaps you would rather we send the guard to you then? You know that can be arranged, my dear friend." There was no friendliness in Aro's voice. "Jane and Alec have been getting a little restless. A trip might do them some good."

"Listen to me, there isn't time. I'm only extending this courtesy to you because I was unsure how you would want me to proceed in warning the humans."

"You will do no such thing," Caius spoke with disdain.

"Then again, brother, it might be delightful to watch the humans panic over the end of _their_ world. Everything has been so mundane as of late. Think of it as sport." I could hear the brothers cackle at Marcus' words.

"Carlisle, we will take your words under consideration. You _will_ be available for our call once we have made our final decision."

"It's going to happen. I have no doubt that it will. I believe in Alice, Aro."

"Yes. I believe you do. Regardless, I am not sure this is any of our concern."

"How can you say that? It's everyone's concern. You have a responsibility—"

Caius interjected. "Don't presume to tell us what we have to do, Carlisle. Or are you forgetting what the Volturi stand for. We protect our kind first and foremost. The humans are lambs to the slaughter. They mean nothing to us other than our next meal. We do not share your _sentiments_."

Carlisle began to argue with Marcus and Caius, their voices raised in anger, while Carlisle's in desperation. Aro put a stop to it before it went any further.

"Enough! Brothers, let us speak with our sources. We will discover where this threat you are convinced of is coming from. If anything, I suppose we must protect our food source. I couldn't possibly imagine living a lifestyle as you have chosen, my friend." Aro laughed wickedly.

Esme and I sat waiting for Carlisle as he discussed the details with Aro. Carlisle's frustrations were clearly evident when he hung up the phone. It seemed our family was to 'sit tight' until we heard from the Volturi. I was quite happy with the outcome, even though I knew it was not the outcome Carlisle was hoping for. I was given a reprieve for the moment, and hopefully enough time to get to Bella. As soon as Carlisle had ended the call, my phone started to ring. _Jasper._

"Where's Carlisle? What's he done?" he asked in panic.

"What do you mean? He's right here."

"It's Alice, she just keeps saying, 'What has he done? What has he done?' over and over again. Just like before, but it's worse now, much worse. She's clutching her head, and the pain that she's feeling is even crippling me."

"He just got off the phone with the Volturi. He spoke with Aro about Alice's visions." Carlisle and Esme were looking at me with utter confusion, which I was sure was no different than the expression on my face. "What does she mean?" Jasper moved his mouth from the phone and I could hear him consoling Alice.

"Alice, baby, he's fine. They're all fine. You have to tell me what you mean."

" _What has he done? It's changed. What has he done?"_

I could hear Alice's frenzied whispers as Jasper came back to the phone. "I don't know what to make of it. Edward, she needs you. You need to be here to know what she's thinking."

My stomach clenched. How could he ask this of me? I cursed silently for this unexpected turn of events. I was torn. Alice needed me. I needed Bella. Oh, for the love of all that was holy, would the catastrophes never end? Was there anything else that could go wrong? I knew the answer to that, this was me and Bella I was talking about, of course it could.

" _Please_ , Edward," he cried desperately.

"How far away are you from us?"

"Five-six hours? The Humvee doesn't go as fast as what we're used to, plus it draws a lot of attention."

"Alright, we're coming to you. We'll meet you along the way." I cursed to the heavens for making me choose. I couldn't send Carlisle and Esme to Phoenix, I needed to be there as well. Carlisle would never be able to persuade the lawyer or real estate agent for information on the Dwyers. My talent was needed to get the information, but how could I possibly abandon Alice? It was simple, I couldn't. For the moment, Alice was more important for all of our sake's. If it was something to do with the inevitable D-Day that was approaching, then that was the priority. And it was _Alice_. I owed her.

We were to meet Jasper and Alice just inside of the New York state line on the New Jersey border. Esme had called Rosalie and Emmett to let them know what was happening, they were just finishing up in Michigan and were moving on to Nebraska.

The car ride was silent for the most part. It was mid-morning as we skirted around New York City, racing toward the state line. The sun was sporadically shining through the clouds and luckily the roads were clear on this crisp March day. My family's thoughts were all over the place. Esme was worried for Rosalie and Emmett. She didn't like that they were so far away from us. Carlisle was triple checking the hospitals that had nuclear fallout plans. He wanted to know which centers were equipped and capable of handling the effects and he was secretly shipping more supplies to each of them, hoping the hospitals would just accept the shipments and sort out the paperwork later once they realized it was something that wasn't on their docket.

Esme and Carlisle continued their ministrations of gathering supplies, and I heavily weighed the sacrifice I was making. My mind battled with my heart. I was trying to convince myself that this wasn't a sacrifice, this was Alice. But my heart told me I was losing my window to get to Bella in time. If Charlie would just answer my calls.

"Carlisle, I'm going to need a place near Phoenix."

"Of course, Edward, it's already been taken care. Esme is making the final arrangements right now. We hadn't planned on Arizona, but we need to make sure. It's going to be close." _Son, it will work out. It has to…_

"Yes, it does." I looked at him in the rear view mirror, our eyes met. Mine filled with resolve and he knew it, as his filled with sorrow. In my heart, I knew what I would do if I didn't get to Bella in time, and Carlisle knew as well, even if he wouldn't admit it to himself.

Parked at a picnic area in Harriman State park, just over the state line of New York, we arrived only minutes before Jasper. It was too cold for anyone to bother us; we would be fine sitting here amongst the trees even though the sunshine was trickling through the barren leafless trees. Snow was still scattered in patches on the ground and it was such a beautiful crisp day by human standards, it was hard to believe we were in this predicament. That soon, this park would be gone, enveloped in a cloud of radioactive dust. It was unfathomable to even imagine.

Jasper tenderly lifted Alice out of the vehicle while we made our way over to them, she looked so incredibly tiny, frail. His thoughts were completely consumed of her welfare. Immediately, as I focused on Alice, my mind was awash with image after image of cities engulfed in flame and I stumbled, reaching to steady myself with the vehicle.

"Jasper, can you help her?" I asked, as I lifted my hands to my temples. "I need you to ease her, project anything, anything to take away the pain."

"I already am, and it's taking everything from me, now with you as well, t's j-just. Just too…"

Carlisle moved to take Alice from his arms while we made our way toward one of the random picnic tables.

"No. It's better if I'm touching her."

I finally looked at Jasper, really looked, and to my astonishment his face was just as drawn as Alice's. This had clearly taken a toll on his body as well. The two of them must have had some go of it in the last twenty-four hours. My guilt increased ten-fold.

"Don't," he said to me. "I can't handle that as well." He sat with her in his arms on the edge of the picnic table, and I could hear her whispers as she rocked back and forth.

"It's done. It's done. It's done."

Esme rushed to her side and swept her hair from her forehead. "What's done, sweetheart? Please, tell us." _Oh, God, why is this happening? Help her, please, anything._

"Esme, you need to change those emotions of yours. You'll cripple us all," Jasper spoke resolutely. "I know you're worried, but it's not helping. I can't battle it all."

"Of course." She stood, gathering up all of her courage and lovingly touched Jasper's cheek.

"That's better." He smiled warmly, before turning to me. _Edward? What's happening with her?_

"I don't know. It's just image after image. The same thing; dozens and dozens of cities exploding, people screaming, burning. I mean before, it was random images, but I'm seeing actual cities now and people's faces. It was never this detailed before. Something has changed. A decision has been made that hadn't been."

"Can you pinpoint a time?" Carlisle asked.

I tried to concentrate on any one of the images that were flooding my head. I needed to find something distinguishable, something tangible. Big Ben … the clock tower … sunlight … day time. The little hand was on the one, the big hand was between the four and five.

"Around one-twenty in the afternoon. London."

"That's good, a time. We're getting closer. Anything else?"

"There's a demonstration. A large crowd, looks like Eastern Europe. Lots of flags, red with a white stripe. I can't be sure. But there are people in the streets everywhere and some of them are uniformed, agh!"

I sat down hard, resting my head in my hands. It was too much, and now I understood why Alice had completely shut down. I had been with her for less than fifteen minutes and I didn't know how much more I could take. I had seen some pretty gruesome things in my life, but watching people from all walks of life incinerated before my eyes was not something I was prepared to watch over and over again. I felt Jasper's touch on my shoulder and immediately felt the effects of his gift.

_I wish I could help more._

I smiled grimly, grabbing his hand giving it a small squeeze. I knew he was spent. He was doing everything that he could to help the one person that his entire world revolved around, and he still felt completely helpless, that it wasn't enough. I knew his pain.

Carlisle had gone to get the computer while Jasper held tight to Alice and myself. Esme was gently rubbing circles on Alice's back, and every now and then placing her hand on her cheek, gingerly tracing her thumb along her jaw line. I knew Carlisle would be searching for red flags with a white stripe and any kind of news that would involve large crowds, but that was almost hopeless. For one, it could have been anywhere, and it could have been any time. I concentrated once again as I heard Alice. I couldn't be sure if she had spoken aloud, it was so soft.

_Edward. It was Carlisle's phone call._

I couldn't mistake that. I just didn't know what she meant. And then I saw him. I saw the face that had hung in Carlisle's study for all these years, I would recognize that translucently white skin and long black hair anywhere. It was Aro's face that was clear in my head, and he was not alone. Marcus and Caius and three other figures I couldn't place were with them.

" _I believe the little one. I have heard of her talent, some say it's infallible. We've been privy to some of her exploits in the past, and they have been just short of wonderful."_

" _Oh, I doubt she's_ infallible! _" Caius seethed._

" _Well, I suppose, but it does warrant further exploration. I believe it's time we call in some favors from our contacts overseas." He smiled at the three figures heavily cloaked in black. "You know what must be done. I would like a full report by sunrise or there will be consequences. I don't care what time it is, you make those calls you speak to the right people."_

" _Yes, Master. It will be done." The three figures bowed and left the room._

" _It vexes me to think my city could possibly be destroyed. I think we need to bring the little one here." Aro turned around and waved his hand toward the corner of the room. "Jane, dear one, please."_

" _Yes, Master." A small figure also cloaked in black, made her way toward the three ancients. I had only heard rumors of Jane and her talent, but all of those were definitely ones to be afraid of. She was vicious and cruel, never showing an ounce of pity or remorse when it came to her victims._

" _How do you feel about a trip across the Atlantic with Felix and Demetri?"_

"Edward." I felt a hand shaking me out of my trance. Carlisle was bent over face to face with me, a look of distress in his eyes. "Thank, God. We thought we'd lost you too."

"Jane is coming. With Felix and Demetri. I saw a clear vision of it in Alice's mind. She's aware, Jasper. She's in there and she's trying to help us."

Jasper's relief flooded my own.

"What else?"

I couldn't look at Carlisle. I didn't know how to tell him that it seemed as though his phone call had set in motion the events that were now inevitable.

 _Son, it was my phone call wasn't it?_ His eyes conveying complete comprehension and shock. _I should have known._

 _I_ should have known better. On the drive here, his thoughts had been random enough but briefly strayed to the idea that Alice's words had been aimed toward him and his call, that somehow he was at fault. At the time, I didn't understand how that was possible, not until now. He knew me better than anyone and he could see right through me, so there was nothing I could do to hide this from him. I nodded my head slightly. He closed his eyes and pursed his lips, and his face was angst-ridden with guilt.

"You couldn't have known." I shook my head, my voice trying hard to convince him.

 _I should have listened to you. You knew it wasn't the right decision. What have I done?_ Carlisle's face was masked in pain. Esme looked between us knowing full well there was something Carlisle and I were keeping to ourselves.

"Whatever it is you two aren't sharing, we are all beyond protecting. Out with it," she said sternly, as she stood up from Alice's side. She was right, we couldn't have any secrets any more.

"It looks like the Volturi are going to investigate the truth behind Alice's vision. They are calling in favors from their contacts, which we can only assume that this is the catalyst. We should know more by sunrise, Italy time."

"My phone call sealed the fate of the world." Carlisle, defeated, turned his back from us and walked toward the edge of the tree line. _I thought I was helping_ _…_ His thoughts trailed off and Esme and Jasper looked to me for more answers, which, I had none. I could hear Esme's anxious thoughts, and just as I thought she was going to crumble as well, she surprised me.

"No. We don't know that," Esme said, quickly defending her husband. "This was all decided before. You are not responsible for this, Carlisle Cullen. And I will be _damned_ if another member of this family takes on the burdens of so many others. We need you, so you can forget about feeling responsible for this. I won't let you." Esme's anger was shining through as she strode over and took hold of her husband. "You're a good man." I heard her whisper.

I wanted to let them have their moment, so I turned my attentions back to Alice. She had been relatively silent and was no longer murmuring anything. I focused on her mind, hoping to get a better understanding of exactly what the Volturi were going to do, seeing if we could get an idea of how much longer we had, or if there was a way to stop them.

The images were still much of the same, and again, I wondered how Alice wasn't worse than what she was. How was she holding up? Having a constant barrage of violence, destruction and death invading one's mind would be enough to drive anyone to madness. I reached my hand out and enveloped her tiny hand in mine, squeezing ever so slightly. The contact created an instant connection, like travelling on a high speed train through a darkened tunnel, images of our lives passing by in flashes too quick for the human eye. I could make out pictures of Rosalie and Emmett and the day Alice and Jasper came into our lives. Images of Esme raced by of the day Carlisle found her. And then there was Carlisle's warm, compassionate smile, the first day I laid my own eyes on him.

It was picture after picture of remarkable memories calling out to me from a sea of desolation, and I could feel myself smiling despite the misery that threatened to overwhelm me. The last image was the most surprising of them all, a young woman with long, thick, mahogany hair, walking through soft grass, and swaying wildflowers—violet, yellow, and soft white. The sun was directly overhead, filling the meadow with a haze of buttery sunshine. She spun around and the sight of her smile took my breath away all over again.

The flashes and the tunnel came to an abrupt stop and I found myself enveloped in blackness. At first thought, I was alone. Everything was completely void of light and sound, like a black hole. But I felt a presence behind me and the panic threatened to overtake me as I spun around searching through the darkness for what it could possibly be.

And then I heard her whisper. "I come here to get away from it all."

"Alice." I breathed a sigh of relief. A small light began to glow from her outstretched hands. It was a small candle and allowed me to see that it really was her, and she seemed so tiny, so fragile. I made my way over to her and there were tears in her eyes which spilled as I pulled her into my arms. I knew this was impossible that this was not real. This was an alternate reality Alice had created from the confines of her mind.

"We can't save them," she said into my chest.

"I know."

I did everything to comfort her as best I could and I wasn't sure how long we stayed like that, until I felt her pull away from me. She looked up at me, and I realized this is what she must have looked like as a human. Her eyes were red-rimmed from crying but they were an exquisite shade of gray-blue, and her cheeks were slightly flushed.

"You're beautiful."

She smiled a half-smile. "I don't remember, but this is what I imagine."

"You're perfect." I lightly gripped her shoulders, and gently kissed her forehead, hoping to convey how much I loved her. "What can we do, Alice?"

"It's done. There's no stopping it now. The Volturi know a lot of powerful contacts and in less than forty-eight hours, they will create instability within the governments with all their digging without even knowing it. It's going to happen quickly. Paranoia will set in, and the United States will go on red alert by end of day tomorrow. Right now, a salvage ship from Russia, posing as a fishing vessel, is looking for that hydrogen bomb from 1958 off the coast of Georgia. The one that jettisoned from the B-47 after it crashed with the F-86 fighter plane. They have been looking for it for some time, but have not been successful as of yet, but that may change. Do you remember the bomb? The one the U.S. government never found?"

"Yes, but I thought that was all rumor? They said they recovered it just last year." I vaguely recalled the news of this supposed bomb off the coast of Georgia. It was called the _Tybee Bomb_ , because it was lost off the waters of Tybee Island, near Savannah. Two years ago, a Colonel claimed to have found it.

"It doesn't look like it," she spoke softly. "At this point, I'm not sure if they will find it, but Aro will let the right people—or wrong people depending on how you look at it—know this is happening. It's not going to sit well with the two governments, especially when Aro's involvement will already have them trigger happy as it is. This added news will only further the alarm, and other nations will take sides."

"Can't we stop it?"

"No, it's done. Aro's meddling will have a ripple effect amongst other nations. They will believe that Russia has their hands on a 'Mark 15 hydrogen bomb,' and no one will rest easy. That kind of bomb packs an explosive punch a hundred times more powerful than Hiroshima."

I cursed under my breath at the information Alice was feeding me. I saw it clearly all laid out, through her. "There has to be a way."

"There isn't. I've tried every scenario and nothing we could do will change the outcome. Carlisle's call set it all in motion. Before, it was just random thoughts, probably because the fishing vessel was so close to finding the bomb, but hadn't actually found it. Aro's involvement has decided the world's fate. The path we are currently on, stocking up and bracing for the outcome, and helping the survivors, is the best we can hope for. _That_ is the right path now," she finished quietly, lowering her head. We stood like that for a moment, weighing the information, before she continued, "I'm sorry, Edward."

"What do you have to be sorry for?" I lifted her chin to look at me and gave her a hopeful smile. "You have done more than anyone could possibly have hoped for, Alice. You will have saved us. We love you and are so incredibly grateful."

"No." She shook her head vehemently. "I mean, I'm sorry I can't find her. I saw some glimpses of her with her mother in Phoenix. They are at her house and I see her clearly, even though she doesn't look the same, but I know it's her."

"What do you mean she doesn't look the same?"

"She's sick or something. She's like a ghost. She's so pale, and her eyes are all sunken in. She doesn't speak or anything, and I see Renee and Phil terribly worried about her. Something's not right with her. She needs you."

" _When,_ Alice _?_ When do you see this?" I grasped her shoulders, desperate to know more.

"I don't know. I see her clear as day sitting on the edge of her bed looking out her window. She must see something, because for a split second her eyes light up, but then there is a trace of alarm in her face and then, nothing. Everything goes black."

Dropping my hands from Alice's shoulders, I clenched my fists holding in the frustrated scream that was threatening to come out.

"I'm sorry, Edward."

I took a deep breath, fully knowing this was killing Alice just as much as it was killing me. I was torn because I didn't know if I could leave her like this. She was in so much pain and I was the only one that could reach her. "Alice—"

"You have to leave me. I'll be okay, but you have to leave the rest of us and get to her, this much I know, before it's too late."

I winced knowing full well she was right, but it didn't comfort me any more knowing that she was okay with me leaving her to face this all alone.

"I can't leave you alone like this."

"You have to," she spoke softly. "It's the only way. When I come out of this, I want to have my brother and my sister by my side. I won't forgive myself if something happens to her because of me, Edward."

"You really are something else, Alice."

"I know." She stuck her tongue out at me, and that gesture cut the tension I was feeling, and I laughed along with her.

"What do you want me to tell the others? Jasper?"

"I don't know what is going to happen to me, but you'll think of something. I think they know how I feel about each of them." She reached up and placed a hand on my face, gently grazing my brow, it was warm and soft and surprised me. "Just tell Jasper, I'm fighting. I'm fighting to get back to him—" her voice broke as she tried to finish her sentence and her tears welled up again.

Reaching up to wipe the tears from her cheeks, it was such an odd alien thing to do after all these years, never having experienced this with her, but it was comforting and reminded me of Bella, my human. I was overwhelmed at how lucky I was to have Alice in my life.

"I–I am so…"

"I _know._ Now go. I'll be okay and I'll see you and Bella soon." She stood on her tiptoes leaning up to kiss my cheek. I picked her up and wrapped my arms around her.

"I love you, Alice."

"I know, silly. Get out of here, before you make me cry again."

I broke our contact and started walking backward, away from her and the candle's flame started to flicker. I heard the echo of her voice.

' _Three days, Edward. You have three days before the bombs go off'_ and then the flame went out. I gasped as the light from the day burned my eyes.

"Edward!" I could hear Esme's relief as she called my name and her hands came up to my face caressing my cheeks and smoothing my hair.

I looked at my surroundings. We were still in the same place, but the light from the mid-day sun was now behind me.

"How long?"

"Three hours." Jasper's voice broke, and I looked over at him. He was worse than before, much worse. Alice was curled up in his arms, almost as if she was sleeping and he was looking at me with desperation.

_Is she…_

"She's okay, and she's beautiful." I smiled a heartfelt smile at my brother.

Jasper closed his eyes and relief washed over each of us as he expressed his feelings.

_Thank you._

"She wanted me to tell you she's fighting … for you." He turned his head, and I could hear a quiet sob as he processed my words. He lifted his hand and tenderly traced the outline of her lips with his fingers. Leaning in, he placed soft kisses on each of her eyelids before moving on to her lips.

"Alice, come back to me," he whispered.

It seemed I had put my family through their own anguish during my time with Alice, so I quickly explained what she had shared with me. Carlisle was processing everything I was telling him and I could see that things were starting to add up for him. He questioned Alice's information, that there was nothing to be done to change the course of action, and I did my best to convince him that the events were set, all we could do now was brace for impact. He unwillingly accepted what I had to share, and I knew everything was weighing on him heavily. His thoughts were a mess of jumbled blame and guilt towards himself, and there was nothing I could say to convince him otherwise. I could tell he was going to do his damndest to set things right, however possible, and this worried me.

"From what you told us earlier, Edward, I did some research on red flags and white stripes. I think it's Latvia. There aren't too many reasons for a protest or demonstration to be happening in Latvia, but for the past several years, they have been celebrating 'Latvian Legion Day.' This year the Latvian government did not approve of the celebration, but they are going to go against the government and continue the celebration. This may explain the uniformed people."

"When does this take place?" I asked.

"March sixteenth."

"What's today?"

"The thirteenth."

"Alice told me we had three days. It fits."

**2016 **-:-** Present Day**

_EDWARD, WHAT THE HELL_ _are you doing? I know you can hear me!_

Her scorn was clearly evident as I heard the string of expletives that followed.

 _And you call me selfish! How could you do this to them?_ Rosalie's thoughts revealed that she was standing on the edge of the boundary, the exact spot where I had crossed. She was standing on a large boulder outcrop, looking in the direction I had headed. Around her, bright green foliage flourished and she turned to see the large decayed tree that I had pushed over—its roots towering over her.

_Nice, Edward. Real nice._

_I know you've concocted some insane agreement with Emmett, but I'll be damned if I let you ruin the one chance this family has for living a better life than what we've been living. We have a chance to make this a_ home _again._

She was fuming as only Rosalie could, and was ready to tear a strip off of me if she could get her hands on me. But even she wasn't willing to cross the boundary line to do so.

_This isn't just about you anymore!_

_You've broken the treaty and you'll have brought this down on all of us. Do you realize that, or are you too self-absorbed to understand?_

_The Quileute's are alive! Charlie told us so. For some reason those crazy bastards believed Charlie when he told them about Alice's vision._ Her thoughts paused.

_Stop wallowing and get over yourself!_

I had stopped running, and stood listening … waiting, as the gentle sway and creaking of the dead trees lulled me into a peaceful trance. She was quiet for a long time, and I had hoped she had gone away.

_I'm sorry she's dead. I know you don't believe me_ _…_ _but I am._

_It's not that I didn't like her_ _, I just_ _…_ _I just didn't understand what was so special about her. She had this pull over you that I couldn't understand, and maybe_ _, I don't know_ _, maybe I was jealous._

_I don't know…_

Again, the silence filled my mind, and I waited. I was sure she had gone this time.

_I don't know how it would have worked, but I do know if there was any one in this world capable of loving a human it would be you._

_Ugh! I don't even know if you can hear me, so I might just be wasting my time standing here looking like an idiot. Why do I even bother with you! It's not like you ever listen to anyone, especially me._

_Do you know how unbelievably frustrating you are? No one else can push my buttons like you can._

I waited, smiling a little at her admonishments. How Carlisle ever thought we could be mates, I would never understand.

_I know what she meant to you, Edward. It took me a long time to admit it, but I know she was your other half in this world. Like Emmett is mine. Please believe me_ _, I always wanted to see you happy. I truly did. I just thought I knew what was best for you._

I waited. This time even longer and I looked down at my shoes. They were slightly sinking into the soft ground and I was just about to turn around and continue running away from the treaty line, before I heard her again, softly this time.

_I miss my brother. The one that was happy for a time. I miss my brother that took care of us when no one could take care of themselves. I even miss my brother that argues with me relentlessly._

I heard a far off scream, knowing Rosalie was letting off some steam.

_And now, I know you've made this deal, and I don't know what it is. But I have a pretty good idea that you are planning to end your existence. I mean, you're on a suicide run right now! Right? That's what this is, isn't it? Do you realize you are going to take the rest of us down with you? Because you know we'll fight for you. We won't give you up that easily. We'll fight, Edward, just like you fought for each of us._

I chewed on her words for a moment. She was absolutely right. I sighed, taking in another deep breath. Not one of my family members would let the wolves take me … if they did indeed exist. What was I thinking? I had worked too hard these past ten years, to throw it all away like this. Charlie's actions wouldn't change the outcome, Bella would still be dead. I couldn't die this way, because it would be at my family's expense, and then where would I be? All this hard work, all this effort, my redemption—all for nothing. What had I done?

Without even realizing it, I had started walking back the way I had come. I could see Rosalie's form hunched over, sitting on the rock I had seen in her thoughts, her forearms were resting on her knees and her head was down. I stood watching her for a moment, contemplating all she had said. I always had the hardest time with her. We were like oil and vinegar, but it never seemed to matter, because despite our differences we loved each other immensely. She was the biggest pain in my ass, but seeing her sitting there, waiting for me, I couldn't help but smile. She was one of the few things I had left in this world to care about, her tenacity and all.

The wind shifted, and her head snapped up. I saw that her eyes were sad before they zeroed in on me, and then those same sad eyes shot right through me as she glared menacingly.

_God you are such a jackass!_

"Believe me, the feeling's mutual."


	9. Pride Comes Before a Fall

**CHAPTER 8**

**-:- Pride Comes Before a Fall -:-**

* * *

**2016 -:- Present Day**

W _ill you tell Charlie what happened to Bella?_

Rosalie and I started walking in the direction of the house. I was in no rush to get back, so we walked at a human's pace, and for once she was actually patient with me.

"How? I can't exactly tell him that story, now can I? No…" I sighed, letting out a breath of frustration. "There's no point. Telling him the truth isn't going to bring her back. The man is grieving all over again, knowing what really happened will only make it worse. And besides, he'll just hate me even more." I ran my fingers through my hair for the umpteenth time in the last hour or so.

 _He doesn't hate you._ Rosalie reached her hand out, stopping me.

My eyes travelled from her hand on the sleeve of my jacket to her concerned face.

"Maybe not, but he'll hate us all if I tell him."

"We are going to have to tell him what we are eventually. He's bound to have questions."

"Well, this is a big change coming from you, Rosalie," I questioned her. She was the one who was dead set against any contact with humans. She wanted to string me up alive for telling Bella our secrets. I remember having to hide my Aston Martin from Rosalie the day Bella figured out what we were.

"I know, but I can't move again, Edward. I just can't," she finished quietly. "None of us can. We get to be relatively normal here. We can be a family again, can't you feel the difference? I feel the effect this place is having on them. They are starting to be happy, and you will too."

"Rosalie." I warned.

"It might happen. You just have to give it a chance. I want to stay here, Edward. And if that means revealing to Charlie and the other people of Forks a little about ourselves, then so be it. The world has changed. It's a different place and different rules apply. We have to try and make this work, at least for a few years, because I can't go back to how we were living, travelling from district to district every few months and seeing all those people, all those _children_ suffering. Ten years was enough, we did more than our part."

"I know." I placed my hand over hers and squeezed it gently. "Regardless, I still can't tell him about Bella. He's suffered enough without having to know the truth." I turned with my head down, and continued walking back toward the house.

She quickly caught up to me, spinning me around to face her and she spoke with conviction.

"Edward, it wasn't your fault. After all these years, can you not accept that? You did everything you could and more. Even being what we are couldn't let you be in two places at once. It wasn't your fault."

"But if I hadn't made everyone leave in the first place—"

"You don't know what would have happened! You said it yourself, 'we were a danger to her.' You couldn't know that was going to happen, it was an unexpected turn that none of us anticipated. You don't think we all share that guilt? You don't think Charlie does?" She gripped my arm tightly and I didn't have the energy to fight her anymore, so I let her hands dig harder into my arms, hoping to feel an ounce of physical pain.

"I was careless for leaving her unprotected, it's my cross to bear, no one else's. If I had stayed, she would have been with me and _that_ never would have happened."

"And then what? Would you have done it? Would you have changed her? Because you and I both know you weren't ready. She wouldn't have survived what we went through _,_ Edward _._ " _At least not as a human._

Looking up to the dull, grey clouded sky, I contemplated what we truly were, our basic needs and what all that entailed, and I thought of Bella and how she was never frightened by that aspect of ourselves. I thought of her recklessness, even back to the time she had asked to watch me hunt. My basic primal instincts and desires frightened _me_ , and I never understood how she was so fearless when it came to me and my family.

I closed my eyes, turning my face into the breeze, trying to listen for any sound in the forest, but there wasn't much to listen to. The forest was empty for the most part, which I found a bit bizarre. There was something not quite right here, as if the animals had been chased away. All across our travels, we saw evidence that the forests were flourishing, and so were the animal populations, especially further in the south. Without human interference, Mother Nature was making a comeback and the large game populace was thriving. We had hoped the same would be evident in the north, but it was proving to be a bit contrary to the south. Carlisle suspected the cold weather might have had something to do with it. The smaller animals were forced to head further south after the nuclear winter and changing landscape, and the larger predatory animals followed.

We knew we were going to have difficult times hunting, but it just meant we would have to venture further from the house when we did need to feed. There was always a dull aching thirst that each of us kept at constant bay. None of us had fed since we arrived at the house, granted, we had abstained for much longer periods since the bombs, even Jasper was a veteran at holding out now. He hadn't had a desire for human blood since Emmett and I had … I shuddered violently thinking about that day and what we had done to him. We stopped denying our true nature and let the soulless, black creature buried deep within us take over, disregarding the human lives Carlisle had taught us to live harmoniously alongside of. That day, desperation won out and Emmett and I had truly become monsters in every sense.

"No," I said, not sure which question I was answering. Would I have changed her? I would have, if I had needed to, if it meant saving her, but I would have hated myself for it.

"I didn't think so. It wasn't your fault." She turned me to face her again, placing her hand on my cheek while repeating, "It wasn't your fault. I want to hear you say it." She gave me a quick smile and I just stared at her, not able to get the words out. She smacked the side of my face, hard. " _Say it!"_

My eyes shot wide open in shock. She hit me! I stood there dumbfounded that Rosalie had actually slapped me. It had been years since she had done that, decades even. I was about to say as much when she slapped me again, harder.

"It wasn't your fault. _Say_ it," she seethed with a spiteful gleam in her eyes.

She raised her hand again, but this time I grabbed it before it made contact with my cheek. It didn't hurt by any means, it was just rather humiliating.

"Is this how you win your battles with Emmett?"

"Hah! He wishes. He doesn't even try to disagree with me anymore. This is rather enjoyable, I've forgotten what it's like." She grinned wickedly.

"Well, I am not Emmett, and you can forget about slapping me anymore, because it's not going to change the fact that I am responsible for Bella's death in some way. Maybe not directly, but I still played a part."

She exhaled loudly, tilting her head to the side, eyeing me up. Apart from Bella, the two of us were the most stubborn creatures either of us had ever known. She knew she wasn't going to win against me, I could tell from her contemptuous thoughts. According to her, I was being ridiculous, but she conceded despite her objections.

"I can live with that. That's progress I would say, but no more of this 'Woe is me' crap, okay? Because I can't have my husband living an eternity with whatever you've asked him to do. We love you, Edward, and still need you. Yes, even me," she finished. "And don't roll your eyes at me!" She punched me in the shoulder.

"Enough with the hitting, please." I wasn't about to admit anything to her about my arrangement with Emmett. She could suspect all she wanted to, but I couldn't tell her, not yet anyway. The time would come when I would let the rest of the family know of my plans, but right now it was too soon. The last thing I needed was everyone trying to convince me to change my mind. My decision was made, and I knew Emmett would honor it. This was penance for the both of us for the lives we had stolen.

"Fine. Let's head back. I don't want to miss out on anything that Charlie has to say. It sounds as if they fared well and have some great stories. Charlie, and Harry Clearwater, had managed to convince the majority of the town of what was coming. They pretty much saved the whole town, but Harry had a heart attack the day the bombs fell." She turned, heading back to the house, then paused reluctantly, contemplating her next words.

_I know you've been avoiding him, but you are going to have to talk to Carlisle, especially about this little tantrum you pulled and what it means for all of us. The Quileute's are alive, but who knows if the treaty still stands after all that has happened._

I took a deep breath realizing the gravity of the situation. Rosalie was absolutely right. I would have to talk to Carlisle, and he would fully understand my motivations behind crossing the treaty boundary. It had only been a matter of time before he figured it out my intentions, and this was not going to be a conversation I was looking forward to. I'd made such a mess of things.

We were almost at the back door to the kitchen, when I stopped, I couldn't make myself go any further.

_Are you not coming in?_

"Yes, just give me a moment. Please?"

_Whatever._

She rushed through the door, slamming it causing me to wince at the noise. I stayed outside for a few minutes trying to decide what I would say to Carlisle, and more importantly to Charlie. He was going to have a lot of questions and I hoped Carlisle had done his best at deflecting most of them. The guilt he must be feeling right now I was sure was insurmountable, something I was quite familiar with myself.

Like me, he must have been holding on to the hope that Bella survived after all these years. Seeing all of us today without her, must have been a terrible blow. He would be grieving all over again, and I knew exactly what that felt like. Just like I had imagined Bella living somewhere with Charlie all these years even though I knew it was impossible, he must have hoped that somehow we had gotten to her in time and that we were surviving together. Charlie and I had a lot more in common than either of us ever thought we would.

I sighed at that thought. I might as well go and get this over with. I walked through the back door when something large and solid slammed me up against the wall, my head cracked back into the dry wall. My eyes focused on Emmett's large forearm pressed up against my neck, lifting me up off the floor. I imagine if I needed to breath, it would have been extremely uncomfortable, but it was just embarrassing that he was that much stronger than me and that he had actually managed to take me by surprise.

"What is your problem, bro? You go and risk the entire family by crossing the treaty line. Rose told me where she found you. What were you thinking?"

He was seething, and I wouldn't put it past him to honor our deal right here and now.

"We made a deal, and unlike you, I'm a man of my word, Edward."

"What is happening here? Emmett? Edward?" Esme said under her breath, completely shocked at the scene that she was witnessing.

Emmett gave me one last shove to my neck with his forearm before releasing me and I slid down the wall. His eyes were still trained on me.

"It's nothing, Esme. Just having a _chat_."

"I've just about had enough with all these secrets! I'll hear all of what just happened, but right now we have guests, and you're being rude. We _will_ deal with this later. All of it. No more secrets," she said pointedly, glaring a warning at me. "Edward, Charlie wishes to speak with you privately, and, Emmett, Seth wants to have a look at the entertainment system. Go start up the generator." Neither of us moved; our eyes locked in a silent battle.

 _She's right about one thing,_ Eddie _, this isn't over._

"Now!" Esme's voice commanded.

We went our separate ways, both hanging our heads like two kids getting caught with their hand in the cookie jar. I followed Esme into the living room where Charlie and Carlisle were curiously absent, but Seth was listening to Alice recant tales from some of the more bizarre Districts we had visited in the south on the east coast.

"So, what you're saying is that they've kind of reverted to, um, the days of conscription? But every able body must fight that's of age? Why, or I guess, who are they fighting?" Seth asked, confused by Alice's account.

"Yes. Pretty much," Jasper answered for her. "They're constantly under attack from these _Ravagers_. You must have heard of them up here?"

"Ravagers? No." Seth shook his head, not really bothered by the word. In the south, people would cringe and cower at the mere mention of the word, terrified by the stories. Clearly, the people in the north were somewhat lucky. They had to endure the hard winters, which were not easy, but in return for those hardships, they had been left unscathed by the horrors the rest of the country faced from these 'madmen.'

"Our contact is only with some of the Districts close to us. On a clear day, we can get within a hundred mile range, but that's as far as the radios reach. It's not much, we know, and we've been starved for a long time for any news of things beyond our range. We hear 'bits and bobs' from the _net,_ but nothing tangible. I'm sure you know how it is."

The 'net' was about the only way information was passed along in the early days, especially this far north. With no way of communicating long distances, the Districts relied on travelers that would visit from time to time, passing through. It was not reliable by any means, Districts were extremely skeptical of any kind of outsiders, but it was the only way to find out if loved ones had survived. A traveler would take a letter, hoping to pass it on to the right person, or someone who might know that person. As one District leader said to us many years ago, 'Cast that net out far enough and something might just get caught up in it. Even if it takes months or years, you're bound to catch something.' It was a crude, elementary version of the postal service, but it worked for the most part, that is if the traveler managed to survive on the outside in the harsh conditions, which unfortunately, wasn't usually the case.

Seth took a moment, his thoughts flashed to strangers' faces that I didn't recognize, and he was saddened for a brief moment. Jasper looked to me as I lingered in the doorframe, silently asking me if Seth was okay. I nodded discreetly to reassure him. The boy had gone through a lot, but he was strong, I already knew this, and I really was beginning to like the kid. _Kid._ I silently laughed at the word. Seth looked older than any of us, even Carlisle.

He took a deep breath before continuing. "When it first happened, a few months afterward, some of the people from the town wanted to venture out to see what was left of the world, but," he paused and took a breath, "they never came back. A few years later, a couple other groups mustered up enough supplies and some vehicles and they went off as well. We didn't know what had happened to the rest of the country or the world for that matter but we knew it couldn't be good. People were scared, and when the others never came back, no one really wanted to try again." He took a sip from the glass of scotch that he had been rolling back and forth between his hands.

"You see, we're pretty happy for the most part. We get a little bored sometimes, but back then, before, even life on the reservation was hard, not this hard mind you, but we managed. To you, it may sound like we've been living in our own bubble out here, and I guess we are. But life's been pretty good for us, considering. And that has everything to do with Charlie. He's been a great father since my dad died, and he's been such a constant for everyone else," Seth said quietly, finishing the last of his scotch.

"It sounds like a great bubble to live in, Seth." My family's eyes all turned to Rosalie in shock. She hardly ever talked in front of strangers, and so it just emphasized how much she was hoping this was going to work. Esme's thoughts mirrored Rosalie's. She walked over to the couch, and sat down with her, gently putting her arm around her.

"We've had our moments." Seth chuckled at her comment. "But it'll take a lot more than a nuclear war to get rid of my people from this earth." He continued to laugh and we laughed along with him. We contemplated his words, taking it all in. We knew exactly what they would have gone through, we had witnessed it many times over. It was comforting knowing that Charlie had taken Carlisle seriously, that at least they would have had some comforts that so many others never had.

"So tell me, who are these _Ravagers_ then?" Seth asked curiously.

Jasper immediately looked to me, knowing that this was not the time or place to go into our theories. Luckily, we heard the generator kick in and immediately Emmett brushed passed me in the doorway, giving me an extra shove with his shoulder.

_Don't think I haven't forgotten, Edward. We are still going to have that chat._

"So, you ready to get your ass whooped, boy?" Emmett clapped his hands, rubbing them together as he gave Seth a maniacal look. Emmett loved the idea of challenging someone new at 'Call of Duty.' He couldn't beat Jasper at it, and I was rarely in the mood to play.

"No one is going to believe me when I tell them I was playing 'Call of Duty' on a flat screen television. Not to mention the apple juice and the scotch!" Seth's laughter was refreshing, it was infectious almost, we couldn't help but laugh along with him as he made his way over to Emmett's 'corner of indulgence' as Esme liked to call it. "I mean, when we pull out Yahtzee on game night, that's about as crazy as things get!"

 _Edward, you and I need to talk._ I heard Alice's voice over the ruckus of the room and turned to look at her glaring eyes.

"Get in line," I mumbled under my breath, and I knew she heard me, despite the level of my voice.

After a time, Carlisle and Charlie, hearing the raucous laughter of everyone, poked their heads in to see what all the commotion was about, just as Emmett and Seth were screaming obscenities at the screen while they battled it out.

"Oh, no." Charlie placed his head in his hands. "I'll never get him to come back with me now."

"That's right, Charlie! I'm moving in," he teased back, continuing to battle the Luftwaffe on screen.

"Well, I think your mother would skin me alive if I left you here, not to mention what your sister would do to you."

"Are you kidding me? She'd do some kind of a celebration dance if she knew I was gone for good."

"Regardless, don't get too comfortable, son, we got chores still to do tonight."

Seth groaned. "Don't remind me. I know, I know."

"Chores?" Alice asked. "What kind of chores?"

"Well, Pa Ingalls over there, has me milking cows every night."

Emmett howled at Seth's remark and we all joined in. "Charlie. _Charles Ingalls_. Oh that's rich! Seth, you can stick around as long as you like. We need a little comic relief. It's tough being the only one that doesn't take everything so seriously. I like you, kid." Emmett nudged Seth's shoulder, as they continued to attack a German gun battery. Seth gave Emmett a brief quizzical look before turning back to the screen and shrugging. It was not lost on any of us that Emmett had just called Seth 'kid' despite their physical appearances.

We watched them for a bit, falling into the rhythms of their shouts and jests, and it was such a comforting sound. I'd almost forgotten what it was like. Charlie slowly made his way over to me and from his thoughts, he was a little apprehensive, and it took a few moments for him to get up the courage to ask me if we could speak privately. We went down the hall into Carlisle's study, and he beckoned for me to have a seat on the chair across from him. It was a strange gesture coming from him, but at the same time it felt natural. We sat like that for a few minutes, neither of us knowing what to say to the other. And when we gathered enough nerve, we both managed to speak the same thing at the same time.

"I owe you an apology…"

We both smiled, and I apologized, gesturing for him to continue.

"Edward…" He cleared his throat. "I've never really been fair to you."

I nodded my head, not wanting to interrupt him.

"You have to understand, I was trying to do what I thought was best for…" He cleared his throat again, shaking his head, his thoughts all over the place. _How do I say this?_ He was quiet for a moment, carefully selecting his words before continuing.

"Headstrong and stubborn, the both of you, but more importantly, you were young." He glanced at me, taking in my appearance, and quickly dismissed it.

"As a father, I didn't want to see what happened to Renee and I, happen to her. I was scared. I saw the way you two looked at each other. The way you both moved around one another, I don't know, like two magnets or something. It was very intense, and it was like you were always trying to protect her from something. At the time, I tried talking to Renee about it, but she thought I was just being a typical over-reacting father. And maybe I was. But there _was_ something…

"Well, and then you and your family just left, and I never understood how any of you could do that to her. No contact whatsoever, not even from Alice." I knew my face was filled with regret. I couldn't look at him, so I brought my fingers to the bridge of my nose, trying to concentrate on his words.

"I'd never seen anything like it. It was as if all of you had taken a piece of her with you, ripped something from her. She was no longer my little girl, she was gone, checked out, and so I panicked." This must have been the vision Alice had of Bella, the one that haunted me all these years. Ghostly pale, not herself. I watched the images of Bella play through Charlie's mind again. The same ones I saw on his doorstep over a decade ago. Only this time, it was much more painful, and much more relevant.

"I couldn't help her, no one could. So it was either Renee or a hospital. Of course, Renee hated me for even suggesting it, and came immediately to get her. But she understood as soon as she walked through my door and saw her. She knew that what I had been trying to tell her was not some over-reaction on my part. Bella was taken from us…

"You _took_ my daughter from me. And I hated you for it."

I knew this was coming, his words were no surprise to me, but it didn't make it any easier to hear. I was fully aware that everything he had suffered over the loss of Bella was because of me, even if he didn't know the whole truth behind it.

"I know it wasn't your fault. Carlisle explained to me about his job offer and how he forced all of you to leave. You were just a kid, and he suggested you have a clean break from each other and start fresh in a new city. I can understand that."

Leave it to Carlisle to try and smooth things over and place the blame on himself. I wondered what else he had told Charlie.

"Your father mentioned you had a rough go of it as well, and, still are." He turned his face from mine, as he studied the patterned carpet at his feet. "He told me what you did for all of them." He cleared his throat. "I know the kind of man you are, Edward, and I've treated you unfairly." Raising his head, he locked eyes with me again. "And I'm sorry about that, and that's something I have to deal with every day. But you and Bella , well, it terrified me a little bit. You had this hold over each other and I couldn't quite explain it…

"I'm sorry for interfering, and I'm sorry for doubting you." His voice broke a little, as he struggled to stifle his tears. He turned his face away from me again, looking out the window. "If I hadn't, she'd still be. I'm so _sorry_." His voice finally gave way to his grief.

Those three words had more meaning to me than anything else he could have said. I knew exactly what he was trying to say, because they were exactly the same words I needed to say to him. His actions contributed to Bella's death just as much as mine had. Each of us blaming ourselves for her death, and carrying the weight of that blame all these years. Charlie Swan and I had come to an understanding. For the first time in ten years, someone shared my pain equally and understood the culpability of the actions each of us had taken. It was a relief and a burden all wrapped up in a neat little package of misery. I let him collect himself before I spoke. I wasn't sure if he wanted me to or not, so I let the silence stand between us for a moment.

"Charlie…" My voice was also filled with grief, and sounded rough to my own ears. "Neither of us could have known that our actions would lead to where they did." How odd that I was on the other side of this conversation for once. "We couldn't have known. We both thought we were doing what was best for Bella. It's me who owes you the apology. You didn't trust me, and you had every reason not to. I kept things from you, and that was unfair. I have so many regrets that you can't possibly understand…" I trailed off. I could see from the corner of my eye, that Charlie was nodding his head. He raised his hand to his mouth, and rubbed his moustache, processing my words.

"I traced Bella to Phoenix."

"You followed them to Phoenix? They were there?" His weathered face looked hopeful.

"I never found them in time," I said quietly, dashing his hopes.

"They could be alive. They could be there. Phoenix didn't get a direct hit, it's pos—"

"No," I cut him off. "They aren't." My voice was clipped and hard, it was extremely difficult for me to say this to him.

"H–how do you know?" His face filled with doubt, and confusion.

"I just do."

**2006 -:- Past Memories**

AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGMENT, I left my family in New York and raced toward Newark Airport. I wasn't driving this time, I couldn't risk it. We had three days, and I couldn't waste another minute. Driving up to the airport doors, I jumped out of the car for the last time, leaving the keys in the ignition and raced inside as fast as a human possibly could. I heard someone yelling I couldn't park there, but I just ignored the protests and said a silent goodbye to my beloved Volvo.

Everything happened so quickly, but I managed to get on a flight to Phoenix departing within the hour. I had to pull a few strings, and pay a lot of money, but that was never a problem with us, especially with a shiny black credit card. Ideally, I would have liked to have hunted before boarding a plane full of people, but that wasn't an option. I just hoped I would be distracted enough with worry that my inevitable thirst would be kept at bay. Luckily, the first class cabin of the plane wasn't full, and I was on edge, and nervous as all hell during the four and a half hour flight, so I didn't have to worry.

As soon as the doors of the plane were unsealed, I was gone. I managed to slow my pace around the security guards by the luggage carousels, only to break into a human-paced run as soon as I saw the exit doors. Running through the automatic doors, I stopped suddenly, cursing as I noticed the sun was still setting in the west. I was so frantic I wasn't being overly cautious, and I needed to take a step back and think things through for a moment.

Taking a deep breath, I looked at my surroundings, weighing my options. I knew exactly where I was going, having done all this less than a year ago, I just needed a car. Frustrated, I ran my fingers through my hair, yet again, wondering how long it would take to rent a car. Having a driver's license that stated I was seventeen, threw a big wrench in that plan, so it wasn't really an option. I let out a frustrated groan, turning back toward the automatic glass doors, and just then—like fate was stepping in—I noticed in the reflection a car pulling up to the curb. A really nice car. I studied the reflection as the gentleman got out, helping a woman out of the passenger seat, before turning to get her bags. They were busy saying their good-byes, and not really paying attention, and the car, the really nice car, was idling.

It only took a split second to make the decision, and before I knew it, I was speeding down the exit ramp toward Scottsdale in my new, stolen Porsche 911 Turbo. I opened it up and couldn't help but notice the speed and the compactness of the car, definitely something Alice would like, perhaps not in grey like this one though. My thoughts diverted to seeing Alice beaming, sitting behind a yellow version of this car, and I was saddened. Perhaps in another life.

The familiar city began to rush past me and that sense of déjà vu was needling its way into my thoughts. I wasn't near as panicked as the last time I was here in this same predicament. I wasn't racing to save Bella from a psychotic vampire who wanted to kill her, it was just your everyday end of the world apocalypse scenario, and I still had two and half days to get where we needed to be. The feeling of terror wasn't nearly as palpable as last time. In fact, I wasn't sure, but I was kind of excited, a little unsteady at the idea of being this close to Bella. Alice had said she had seen Bella in her room, her eyes alight as she noticed something at the window. Could that be me? Of course, Alice also said there was a trace of alarm in her eyes, but then that would be understandable if she had seen me. I was trying to convince myself, and I was too keyed up not to believe it. I could only hope Alice's vision was correct, that Phil and Renee had decided to stop in Phoenix for a night or two, to tie up their loose ends. If they weren't here, then I could start to panic again, but for now I just let myself be happy, and it was invigorating, just like the speed in which I was driving. I let out an excited shout, as I switched into sixth gear and weaved my way through the thick rush hour traffic, sliding through the tiny space along the shoulder of the road. I was getting close, I could feel it. I could feel Bella, her pull was unmistakable and I smiled internally. I'm coming, my love.

The sun had finally set just as I was pulling up to her house, right in front of the mailbox. "Fifty-eight twenty-one," I said to myself. Turning the car off, I couldn't help but be disappointed to see the house in total darkness. The giant eucalyptus tree out front was such a contrast from the giant fir outside of Charlie's house, but it still gave me some comfort. I knew this house.

Walking up to the door, I reached up to grab the key that I knew was hidden under the eaves trough. I let myself in and was immediately assaulted with Bella's smell, and I smiled. She had been here, recently. I said a silent plea to those powers above that the three of them had just gone out for dinner and would return soon. I took advantage of having the house to myself and ventured upstairs to explore Bella's room. Telling myself I was looking for clues to their whereabouts, and not just rummaging through her things. I followed her trail, taking in all of her.

I walked into her room and stopped, frozen. My eyes went wide, my nostrils flared and my lips were pulled back over my teeth. A low grumbling erupted from my chest as an uncontrollable anger threatened to take hold of me. I stood there shaking. A vampire had been here, a vampire I knew. I hadn't noticed the faint trace from downstairs. I was too overcome by Bella's scent, but here, in her room, it over-powered Bella's. The growl tore through me as I thought of her in the same vicinity as Bella. _Victoria._ That vile vampire had not crossed my thoughts in the last four days, and she was here. In the same room as _my Bella._ I couldn't think, I couldn't move, I couldn't believe this was happening. God _was_ punishing me. My hand crushed the doorknob to dust with my fury.

I managed to gather my wits about me, and anxiously dialed Carlisle's number, filling him in on what I had found. He tried to reassure me that perhaps their paths had never even crossed. He told me to look for signs of a struggle, or the smell of blood. I found neither as I frantically searched the house, and breathed a little sigh of relief.

"Carlisle! How can this be happening? What do I do?" I asked desperately.

"Edward, we're coming. We'll be there."

"No! You can't bring Alice here, and I–I can't wait for you. I just can't. I have to find her. I have to find her now. I'll figure it out, I'll track her. I'll find _Victoria_."

"I managed to find the name of Renee's Real Estate Agent," Carlisle spoke in a soothing rational voice, trying to control my hysterics. "I'll contact her right now and enquire about the house. Tell her I want to make an obscene offer. I'm sure she'll speak to me at this hour. Maybe I can find out when they were there, and if they've left town. We can go on that. Maybe their paths never crossed."

"She wasn't alone, there's another scent I don't recognize, another vampire. I think I can track them."

"Edward, I have faith in you. You will do what needs to be done, but if there are two of them, you _will_ need some help."

"I can handle them," I seethed, my anger returning, overpowering my desperation. I would kill them both, I had no doubt. "Just get the family to safety. I'll be there if I…"

"You're not coming if you don't find her. Are you?" he asked directly.

I wasn't sure how to answer his question. He already knew what my answer would be, but he just wanted to hear me say it. I exhaled loudly, and answered truthfully.

"No."

There was a silence between us, not an uncomfortable one, just one of understanding.

" _Find her,_ Edward _,"_ he spoke with conviction and a trace of horror, and then ended the call.


	10. To Err is Human, To Forgive Divine

**CHAPTER 9**

**-:- To Err is Human, To Forgive Divine -:-**

* * *

**2006 -:- Past Memories**

All of my senses were heightened and I was on the edge of panic while I wandered from room to room looking for clues, anything that would give me something as to the whereabouts of Bella or _Victoria._ I wasn't sure what else to do, I was at a complete loss as to where to start. I could stay and wait to see if they came home, but only at the risk of losing Victoria's trail. If I left, what would happen if Bella came home and I wasn't here? I would be leaving her unprotected yet again. I needed to be in two places at once, three actually, if I included Alice into the mix.

Carlisle was going to get in touch with the realtor, and I needed to get to the lawyer, although it was too late to contact either of them, so we would have to wait until tomorrow. I needed to feel productive, I was tired of waiting. It seemed like that was all I had been doing these last four days. I convinced myself that the best thing I could do was track Victoria and this other vampire who was with her. I wasn't a good tracker by any means, not like James was, but I had learned enough in the last year that would get me where I needed to be.

Strangely, their scents were concentrated in Bella's room I didn't really smell them anywhere else. They entered from her window and must have left that way as well, so that's where I started.

The night air had cooled significantly since I had first arrived in Phoenix, and even though there was a slight breeze, I could still make out Victoria's scent. I took off, following their direction, which looked as though I would be heading toward the heart of the city.

I continued to track them as best I could and I found it was fairly easy considering the numerous smells swirling around in the city air. It seemed as though she was on a direct path, never swaying from her intended direction. It was an hour or so later that I lost their scent, or it just happened to stop at a building close to the city centre. All trace of her and her partner had just disappeared. The street sign seemed vaguely familiar to me as I made my way to the front door of the building. It was much too late for anyone to be around, but I peered through the glass doors to the lobby anyway, noticing the plaque just inside the door. 'Locke and Associates.' _Locke. Locke._ My eyes widened in surprise. Robert Locke was the name of Renee's lawyer. The realization hit me as though I had slammed into a brick wall. Had she found them using the same means I had planned to? What did this mean? Or maybe she hadn't found them yet. Either way, I needed to get inside the building and find this Mr. Locke.

I managed to scale up the side of the building, to the rooftop, and found the access door to the building. It was easy enough to rip the door from its hinges, and I stopped to listen for a second, hoping there wasn't an alarm I may have triggered. Luck was on my side for once and the building remained silent. I slipped inside making my way down the concrete stairwell to the fourth floor where Locke and Associates' office was located. Opening the steel door, my senses were immediately assaulted with the rich coppery scent of blood. Alarmed, I fought back all of the urges my body was struggling against, and I had to hold my breath to continue inside. _Not Bella's blood._ I knew her blood, and this was not it. I said a silent 'thank you' to those 'powers above' again that were finally working on my side tonight.

Heading down the hallway to the door of the lawyer's office, my entire body was on edge and extremely tense knowing full well what I could expect. I could only assume the office at the end of the hall contained the body of the deceased Mr. Locke. Still holding my breath, I opened the door slowly and prepared myself for what lay on the other side. But nothing I could have done would have prepared me for the scene that unfolded before my eyes.

The office was turned upside down. Shelves; tables; chairs and books all strewn across the room. Filing cabinets had been toppled over and pictures askew on all the walls. It looked as if a bomb had gone off in here, but that wasn't the shocking part, it was the amount of blood that covered the small space that sent my body aflame. I stood in the middle of the room turning slowly, eyeing it up, taking it all in while fighting my inner demon.

I struggled to gain control of what I knew should have repulsed me, but my body was rebelling and calling me to the carnage. Closing my eyes, careful not to take a breath knowing the demon would overpower my will if I did, I stood in the middle of the room ashamed, disgusted with myself. How could I revel in the slaughter of an innocent man? I couldn't give in, not now, not when I was so close. I opened my eyes, turning back toward the door, and as my eyes locked on the back wall, I froze. Scrawled in crude handwriting in blood was one word:

**_EDWARD_ **

My breath faltered as I gasped falling to my knees, and the smell of blood assaulted every fiber of my being. My hands dug into the carpet while I fought desperately to control the demon, and bring back the human side of me. The fresh flow of venom filled my mouth, and my throat burned from thirst. I needed to gain control. I needed to focus. She was taunting me, playing with me, trying to bring out the monster in me. She must have known I would come here. But how was that possible? Unless , she had someone watching me.

The blood was fairly fresh, it must have happened a few hours earlier, after office hours. I placed the palms of my hands on my eyes, trying to contain my anger, while trying not to take in any of the tainted air around me. I could do this , I had to do this. Raising myself slowly from my knees, I carefully moved around the room, trying not to disturb anything. As I looked for more clues, I happened to stumble across the body of the lawyer or what was left of him. She had torn him limb from limb, and I found it odd that she had not drained him. For some reason, she had restrained herself from drinking his blood. She wanted me to see the violence of her act, the desecration of his body. It was a warning to me, I was sure of it. The only thing it did was fuel my rage. I would find her, and I would kill her. There was no doubt, and there would be no hesitation. Victoria deserved to die.

I spent the next hour or so searching the files of Mr. Locke for anything else that could possibly lead me to the whereabouts of Renee and Phil, and Bella. There wasn't anything else I could go on, really. I had no other leads to follow, and I knew I wasn't getting anywhere. And then it suddenly dawned on me, _the realtor._ I cursed inwardly that I didn't think of this sooner. How could I have been so stupid? I had been so caught up with my hatred that I was distracted and hadn't been thinking clearly. Victoria was playing me and I was falling into her trap. I needed to distance myself from this, from Bella, if I was going to find her. I had to get to the realtor, and hopefully before Victoria. I left the room as is, knowing there was nothing I could do to change what had happened. The police wouldn't have any leads, and the name 'Edward' would mean nothing to them or Locke. Besides, it didn't matter, in less than thirty-six hours this would all be gone.

I wasn't sure if I should head to the office of the realtor or her home. I opted for her home with the idea that most agents didn't work in the office very often, and she probably would have headed home after her work day. I followed the directions Carlisle had given me earlier, tracing my steps back toward Scottsdale, to the home of the woman whose life was now in danger because of me. Carlisle had sent a text message telling me he hadn't been able to reach the woman, which wasn't a good sign. I never called him back, I just wasn't sure what I could tell him. My hope of finding Bella alive was fading and my family didn't need to share this burden, they had enough to worry about. If I failed, I needed to know they were together and safe.

If, by some chance, I couldn't find her … I couldn't finish that thought. There was nothing left for me if I didn't find her. I would not exist in a world without her, especially a world as disturbing as the one we were all about to face. I would find her, or die trying.

I listened intently outside the house of the agent, but it was silent—no beating hearts—which didn't really confirm anything. I found an unlocked window and easily made my way inside. No blood. I breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn't here, which didn't really bode well for me, since it was almost early morning and she should by all means be at home. I had a quick look around the house just to confirm my suspicions before heading outside. Dawn was breaking and since I was so close to Bella's house, I decided to head back there to figure out my game plan, and to see if there was any sign they had returned. If the realtor was not at home, more than likely Victoria had already gotten to her, and there was nothing I could do for her.

I let myself into the empty house, making my way back up to Bella's room. The smell of her seemed to calm me a little, even though the scent of Victoria counteracted it and set my nerves on edge. I could not believe this was happening. It really was inconceivable. Me, racing to save a human because the end of the world was upon us all, only to be thwarted by a psychotic vampire hell-bent on revenge. It was a bit ludicrous really. Maybe God was really mocking me, because it seemed everything was fated against us, right from the first day Bella entered my life. Maybe I wasn't fated to love a human.

I couldn't give up now. The clues were here, I just needed to dig deeper. Bella had been here, recently, with Renee and Phil, this much I knew. Where could they have possibly gone? My only two leads were dead, or possibly dead. I needed to find the realtor, and hopefully alive. I was re-tracing my tracks in the house, checking to make sure I hadn't missed anything, desperately looking for something, anything. I sat on the edge of the aged, sectional sofa staring at the large fireplace running through everything in my mind. I was lost in thought, lost in my own reverie when I heard a far off buzzing sound. I frantically searched my pockets for my cell phone which was vibrating incessantly.

"Carlisle." I breathed a sigh of relief.

"I managed to track down the real estate agent—she's been out of town." I said a silent prayer as I processed his words. "She's heading to her office this morning, and has agreed to meet you, first thing. She thinks you are acting on my behalf and are prepared to make a substantial offer on the house. I also mentioned you wanted to talk with the owners. She said she would see what she could do, but the owners were living in Baltimore. She said she would make some calls. You have the address to the office?"

"Yes. Carlisle, thank you." I didn't feel the need to share what I had found at the lawyer's office and Victoria's message to me. He had enough on his mind without adding that to it. I started to pace nervously and eventually made my way back up to Bella's bedroom, hoping it would calm me a little.

"Edward, is everything okay? Has something happened you aren't telling me?" His voice was rife with worry.

"No, everything's fine. I'm just on edge, it's been a taxing evening."

"I'm sure it has."

"How's Alice?"

"Nothing's changed …" His voice trailed off, and now I could tell he was keeping something from me.

"Please don't keep things from me, what is it?"

"It's just, this is taking quite a toll on Jasper. I'm not sure how much more he can take, and I don't know what will happen once the news breaks. Panic is going to take over, and he…"

With a deep breath, and a huge sigh, I sat on the edge of Bella's bed. I had never really thought about the repercussions this would have on Jasper.

"Can we isolate him? Maybe if we get him away from the majority of the population?"

"Yes, this is what we've been thinking. Once we're together, _all of us_ , we'll figure this all out. Edward, don't worry about us, just come back to us as fast as you can."

Both of us were silent for a moment, before I spoke.

"Okay. I'll let you know what the woman has to say." My voice was a little defeated, but I couldn't help it. Everything seemed to be crashing down around us all.

"Don't give up, Edward." Were his last words before I ended the call.

I gathered what little energy I had left, and lifted myself up from Bella's bed. Grabbing the housecoat hanging on the backside of the door, I took one last deep breath, inhaling all I could of her scent. I prayed to anyone who was listening that this would not be the last time I would smell the sweetness of freesias and subtle hints of strawberries which were ingrained in my very being. The little spark of hope was still alive.

.

I DROVE THE PORSCHE downtown, because I couldn't exactly move freely in the direct sunlight anymore. It was going to be difficult to make my way to the office as it was without drawing attention, but I still had over an hour until my meeting, so I could take my time. I ditched the car as close as I could to the location of the office. I was fairly certain I wasn't going to need it, and besides, I was sure that car wouldn't go unnoticed for much longer. I was slinking along the shadows of the alleys and hugging the walls of the buildings, trying to get closer to the office, when I heard the sound of sirens making their way closer to my location. They couldn't have spotted the car already, could they? While I drew closer to my target, I realized the sirens were headed for the same location I was.

My stomach sank as I watched a police cruiser and a coroner's van pull up in front of the building where two police cruisers were already situated. I was too late. I cursed myself and my timing, and the fact that I hadn't come here immediately. How could I have been so stupid? Standing in the shadows across the street, I watched in horror, listening to the officers describe in detail the scene they had witnessed upstairs. It was almost identical to what was in Locke's office. The room in complete disarray, the body massacred, everything was exactly the same, except for the one word smeared on the wall in blood. An 'x' was stroked through it, but I could still make out the word in the mind of the officer:

_**—BELLA—** _

Every cell in my body screamed in outrage. My breaths became ragged and short while my nostrils flared trying to get a grip on my anger. I placed my hands against the brick wall of the building, hanging my head trying to think of my next move , and then, I heard it. It was a cackle of sorts. A high pitched laugh, made of pure evil. I looked up to where the sound was coming from and I saw her in the shadows of the alley across the street from where I was hiding. I could see a bit of her red, flaming hair as it caught slivers of the sunlight. It fluttered in the breeze and the wind carried her scent and my body snapped to attention. Our eyes met and hers lit up as the corners of her mouth turned up into a devilish grin.

 _Edward._ I could see her laughing, shaking her head. _Don't you like my gifts?_ _I thought they were very fitting. One for each of you._

I took a step from the shadow of the building and stopped, realizing I was trapped by the brilliant sunlight and I couldn't go after her without risking a huge scene. The streets were filled with dozens of people going about their day, trying to get to work at this early hour.

_Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. It looks like you're stuck in the shadows, such a pity isn't it?_

She knew about my talent, her lips weren't moving, but I could still hear her. How did she know?

 _I know you can hear me, how convenient this little talent of yours. Carlisle is quite the collector of gifted vampires._ She laughed again. _I'm sorry, but I'll have to be leaving you. As you can see, it's been a busy morning. Before I go, I just wanted to share something with you._ She cackled again, and the sound of it sent shivers through my body. I fought the urge to go after her. It was taking everything in my power to keep myself glued to the wall of the building and its shadows.

 _I found her. It was all too easy._ _This_ … She gestured toward the building where the officers were coming out of. _And Mr. Locke, were all just a show for you. A game, if you will. You didn't know where she was, but I did._

 _At first, I was shocked you left her all alone. I guess she didn't mean a_ _s much to you as I thought. She did try and tell me that, but of course I didn't believe her. And then she just gave up, like she wanted me to kill her, like she welcomed it. Perhaps she knew it was inevitable, well that, and she_ was _staring at her parents lying on the floor after I snapped their necks. An eye for an eye, Edward._

I saw an image of wood paneled walls, a little too dark and out of date and the floors were covered in a dark patterned carpet. To the right was a large window and on the other side a large, tan fireplace. It was Bella's house here in Phoenix. I saw the aged sectional sofa where Bella sat, the same sofa I had sat on only hours ago. She was staring with wide eyes, a little scared and sad. I briefly caught a glimpse in the mirror above the couch … red hair. I was witnessing this through Victoria's eyes.

_That's right. I found her._

The vision swept toward the entrance of the kitchen where I saw the bodies of Phil and Renee lying on the floor, motionless, lifeless, necks at an unnatural angle.

The rage started to boil inside of me as I continued to see the vision, horrified and helpless all at once. Through Victoria's eyes, I watched as she stalked slowly toward Bella and crouched in front of her. She gripped her hair wrenching her head back, exposing her neck and I couldn't help but notice it was too pale—ghostly almost, not the cream and roses I was used to. This is what Alice must have meant. Bella was pale, but her skin was like silk over stretched glass, frighteningly breakable. She looked too vulnerable for this world. Bella refused to cry out.

She whispered two words. "Do it."

_She begged me, Edward! She begged to die. How does that feel? She told me you didn't love her anymore, that her death would mean nothing to you. What a pity she died thinking that. When it's so obvious you do. This is more divine than I thought it would ever be. You'll spend eternity reliving the notion that your precious Bella died thinking you didn't care!_

A snarl ripped from my lips and the next thing I knew my body was racing across the street, out of the cover of the shadows, out into the revealing sunlight as I leapt across traffic, running across the roofs of cars, carelessly denting them as I jumped from one to the next. I was moving too fast for the human eye, but I knew people could see the destruction I was causing. My only focus was the red-headed devil on the other side of the street. I could tell from the look on her face that she was taken by surprise by my bold move. She thought she was safe from me, that I would never chance the risk of exposure. But she didn't know what I knew, none of this would matter by tomorrow. Whatever anyone witnessed today, it didn't matter.

It happened in a matter seconds, our bodies collided and we slammed into the concrete wall of the building next to her. Crushing the stone and causing irreparable damage that was just not possible for a mere mortal.

"You were never to touch her!" I screamed at her, my rage bubbling over. The brief look in her eyes was one of terror, before it changed as the realization of what just happened dawned on her. She wasn't inexperienced, she was lethal, and instantly she resisted, and her body forced me backward, crashing into the building on the other side of the alley. Bricks and dust fell around us as each of us struggled to gain control over the other.

"Her blood was so tasty," she snarled at me, our faces inches from one another. "But you already knew that, didn't you?" Our strengths were evenly matched as we tried to resist the others' movements. Our eyes locked in hatred and I tried to pivot to avoid her teeth but with the brick wall to my back, I had nowhere to move.

"Why do you resist what you truly are?" She laughed maniacally. Her teeth glinted, sharp and keen. "Admit it, you hungered for the blood of the lawyer." She leaned in closer, and ran her tongue up the length of my cheek.

_Don't deny it._

With the shift of her head I managed to get some leverage, and pushed her body far enough away from me, spinning and kicking out, aiming high enough to hit her in the belly to drive her back. She stumbled backward, and I jumped on top of her, slamming her head into the asphalt.

"I'll rip your throat out," I growled, my lips peeled back as I lunged for her.

I couldn't concentrate on her thoughts. Rage and torment clouded my mind, it was difficult trying to anticipate her moves. She moved faster than I expected and rolled us over, and was suddenly on top of me.

"I was going to let you live … I wanted you to spend the rest of your days in misery. Feeling the same loss I do. But I see it's not going to be possible." Her red eyes gleamed as her mouth curled into a smile and her hands went to my neck. I needed to focus, and force my anguish aside. I pushed with everything that I had, and vaulted up, throwing her away from me.

" _Where is she?"_ I yelled, my chest heaving with all the pent up rage building inside of me.

Her shrill laugh reverberated down my spine.

"You should have just killed her if you were going to cast her aside like that. I did her a favor. She wanted to die." The image in her head flashed back to Bella on the sofa, and Victoria leaned in closer to Bella's neck and her eyes fluttered close, waiting, willingly. She didn't move or cry out as Victoria sunk her teeth into her pale, soft flesh and her sweet blood flooded her mouth, taking all that was _mine._

" _NO!"_

I leapt at her just as she did the same and we met violently in midair. I slammed my fist into her face, the sound of lightning echoed off the walls of the alley. A burning sensation erupted across my knuckles as I felt her teeth slice my flesh. We landed in a tangled heap, and the ground beneath us cracked under our weight.

"Where is she? Where is her body?" I demanded of her. I picked up a piece of the broken asphalt and slammed it into the side of her head, but it only crumbled from the hardness of her marble skin.

"You'll never see her again. I took her just as you took James from me. She's gone," she hissed.

We moved so fast, that I was sure we were no more than a blur to the gathered on-lookers. Our bodies twisted and turned, slamming into the walls and each other, creating nothing but a giant mess of destruction as we continued to battle. Revenge fuelled us both, but pain and anger over-powered my desire for revenge and it brought the demon out in me. Her screams rang out as she charged me one last time, her teeth bared reading to strike at my throat. But I was focused now, and I was faster. I lunged at her just at the last second, and held her in a grip so deadly she couldn't break free.

Her eyes were wild and terror-filled, and images of her life flashed before my eyes. All the innocent people she had killed and terrorized over the years. Vampires I didn't recognize, a tall muscular blond boy and a man with long sandy hair. Her last thoughts were of Laurent, and finally, James, their time spent together as one.

And then, echoing Bella's last words, she whispered, "Do it."

With one effortless, merciless movement, I snapped Victoria's head clean from her torso. A feral scream tore through my body as I claimed my victory. Everything was closing in around me. I couldn't breathe, even though I knew I didn't need to, but my mind and my body would not connect. My breaths were ragged and fast, my chest pumping up and down trying to get the oxygen into my lungs. The more I tried to tell myself I didn't need it, the more my body told me otherwise. My breaths were coming out in hysterical sobs as I collapsed to my knees still holding the fiery-headed mass in my hands. My fingers tangled themselves in the red and I crushed them together as my anger and frustration and sorrow all fled my body.

 _Edward,_ I heard a soft feminine voice calling my name.

I could hear the whispers and thoughts all around as the on-lookers were stunned at the inexplicable scene they had just witnessed. And I didn't care. The only synapses that were firing in my brain were repeating one thing over and over, "Bella. Bella. Bella…" My ragged breaths continued to the pulsing of her name, and it was coming too fast for me to stop. All I could hear was an unexpected sound that seemed to match my breaths, and I slowly comprehended the sound was me; my breaths had turned to strangled cries. And I didn't. She was gone , taken from me _._

_Edward. Can you hear me?_

**2016 -:- Present Day**

"Edward. Can you hear me?"

A deep masculine voice overpowered the feminine one I had been reliving.

"Edward." I felt a hand gently shaking my knee, as I realized I was in Carlisle's den with Charlie, and not back in Phoenix.

"How do you know? Did you see them?"

I was looking down at my right hand; my wrist was gripped tightly within my left hand. Flexing my fist, the faint, white line of the scar stretched across my knuckles, forever reminding me of that day.

"I'm sorry, Charlie, but they died in a car crash the day before the bombs. They were caught up in the pandemonium and a woman collided with them head on, they were killed instantly." I saw the expression on his face drop, as my words sunk in. I couldn't tell him the truth—that they suffered at the hands of a vampire who had tortured them and inflicted horrific pain on them—that was my sorrow to bear, not his.

He was finding it difficult to swallow this information. I could see the turmoil on his face. He took a deep breath trying to control his emotions.

"I guess it's for the best. At least they didn't have to go through it all. They didn't have to live through this." He was quiet for a moment and his thoughts briefly flashed to the first year after everything had happened and all the people he couldn't save.

"I sent word with every traveler that came our way, but they were few and far between. Every day for the first year, I woke up thinking that today was the day I would go and look for them. I had no idea where to start, so I was always waiting, hoping someone would bring something, some news. But there was always so much to do, so many people to help and before I knew it, a year had gone by, and then another. There was no word from anyone, any of our loved ones from other parts of the country, and we were beginning to think we were the only ones who survived, that only the far north where we were, survived. You can't imagine how terrifying the idea of that was.

"There wasn't a day that went by I didn't think of them," he finished quietly.

"Charlie, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I struggled to maintain control. "We should have gotten word to you. I should have tried to come back."

"After how I treated you and your family? Edward, I place no blame on you. You were trying to save her, save us all, and I was too stubborn to see that." We both were too caught up in our grief to really hear what the other was saying. Each of us holding on to the blame.

He cleared his throat, and his voice was thick as he spoke.

"It's nice to have some closure. To know they're not suffering out there somewhere. You've brought me more peace than you'll ever know. Thank you." He smiled half-heartedly, and his thoughts were of Bella as a little girl. I recognized the image in his head, it was one of the pictures that used to be on his mantle. She was standing on a dock, in some overalls and red rubber boots, with her hair pulled back in a messy ponytail. She was holding a fish in both her outstretched hands, and was beaming a toothless grin at the camera.

I chuckled at the image, and Charlie laughed along with me knowing why I was amused.

"She hated that picture, and constantly asked me to take it down. I never did though. Those two weeks in the summer when she came to visit were the best two weeks of my year. I knew she hated coming to Forks, even though she never would've said it. She thought I didn't understand, but I did. So when Renee suggested California, of course I agreed. That's why it was such a surprise when she made the decision to move back. But that was Bella, always trying to make everyone else happy." He chuckled while he remembered picking her up from the airport almost eleven years ago and the awkward car ride back to the house. Neither of them were much for conversation.

"Charlie, she loved you more than you can possibly know. She was always so worried about you." My guilt was rearing its ugly head again. I took Bella away from her father. "I'm sorry, Charlie," I whispered.

"Son, from what your father tells me, you and I have wallowed in enough guilt about what happened. I'm not going to tell you to stop, because I know that's impossible. What we can do is honor them a little and start to re-live our lives. I've been trying, believe me. Sue, Seth and Leah have been more than I could ever have hoped for. But I haven't really been fair to them either. We have a tradition, a ceremony if you will, for the ones we've lost. I've never been able to properly say goodbye to Bella and her mom, thinking that they may be out there somewhere."

A look of reluctance must have crossed my face, because Charlie sensed my alarm.

"Carlisle told me you've never had a chance to fully grieve, and neither have I. I think it's time, Edward, for both of us."

I shook my head. "I can't do that, Charlie. I'm not ready."

"Okay, I can understand that, whenever you're ready. I can wait."

I didn't know how to break it to him, but I would never be ready. I didn't want to have that conversation with him right now, so I just nodded my head instead. Charlie could have his 'ceremony' and honor Bella's death, but I definitely wouldn't be there.

"Thank you again, Edward. I can't tell you how much this means to me, to be able to talk with you after all these years. I never thought I would get the chance to apologize to you and your family. And when I heard the name 'Emmett' over the radio, I didn't want to get my hopes up. You get used to disappointment real fast that way."

It _was_ comforting talking to Charlie, and I said as much to him. In the past, we were both so fiercely protective of Bella that we never could come to any common ground. And now, through Bella's death, we finally could. The irony was definitely a bittersweet moment.

We made our way back out to the living room, and the family, along with Seth, were in what sounded like a heated debate.

" _So say we all,"_ Emmett bellowed.

"Emmett _…"_ Rosalie said exhaustively. "I told you, enough with that sci-fi crap. No one cares."

"What do you mean? Do you realize I'll never know who was a cylon and who wasn't? It'll now become one of the great mysteries of life. And don't even get me started on 'Lost.'"

"This is serious. Can you be serious for once?" Rosalie scolded Emmett.

Seth was amused at the two of them bickering, and amazed that Rosalie had that much power over him. He thought he would diffuse the situation and pipe in.

"I miss Big Mac's. Or Coca-Cola. Oh, wait, real chocolate!"

"Oh, no way, dude! Definitely _not_ something I miss." Emmett laughed at his own joke.

"Okay, boys, that's enough." Carlisle had noticed us standing in the doorway, and was trying to change the subject to spare us from this conversation. "Let's talk about something else."

" _I'm_ not allowed to talk about what I miss, but Esme and Jasper can talk about the last Harry Potter book all they want. Don't tell me, Jasper, the thought hasn't crossed your mind to swim to England and find Rowling and ask her who bites it in the last book. Come on, admit it, you want to know if Harry dies." He wiggled his eyebrows at Jasper nodding his head.

"Well, it never did cross Jasper's mind, until _now,"_ I volunteered, as everyone's heads snapped around to look at us, not realizing we were there.

Seth's thoughts were utterly confused at my words and I realized I might have shared too much. He wanted to hear more about my 'ability' and was about to speak up, but, thankfully, Emmett continued.

"See? We are so serious all the time. I think we should have a night where we just lay it all on the table. God forbid this family talk about all the things we miss the most." My smile dropped a little at his suggestion.

Carlisle looked at me, and quickly back to Emmett.

"I'm not sure if that's a good idea."

"Why not? Because it'll make everyone sad to think about things we miss? Who cares?"

Charlie stiffened a little beside me, and everyone else noticed as well. Seth lowered his head, and everyone's thoughts turned to Charlie and me … and Bella.

"Emmett," Carlisle spoke softly.

"Oh," _Shit._ Emmett started back-pedaling as it was dawning on him as to what he was actually saying. "I'm sorry, I didn't even realize. I wasn't thinking. Too soon?"

Charlie chuckled a little. "No, it's not too soon. I think we're good. Or we will be." He patted my shoulder and smiled warmly at me.

Esme's thoughts were a little shocked at the affection Charlie was demonstrating toward me.

_That's quite the change. Maybe Charlie and Edward can find some comfort in each other. This is a good thing_ _…_ _us coming here. Carlisle was right._

In fact, everyone's thoughts pretty much mirrored hers, as they watched Charlie's hand giving my shoulder a tight squeeze.

Alice stood up and whispered to Jasper, he nodded his head in agreement, and they headed out of the room.

"We'll be right back," she yelled over her shoulder as they stepped outside. I could see what they were planning and was so incredibly grateful for my family and their kindness.

"Well, Seth, looks like we should be heading back—"

"Sure, sure. I know, chores," he replied sarcastically. Charlie was saddened a bit as he thought of Seth and how excited he had been in the last few hours spent with us. He hadn't seen his step-son this happy in a very long time, and he hated having to take this moment away from him. It was as if our family had brought out the boy in him again, the boy that was stolen from him when the bombs went off, and instead brought forth a man before his time. I sensed his hesitation, as did Esme.

"Are you positive you have to go? We could have dinner?"

"Thank you, Esme, that is very kind of you, but we need to head back so our people don't get worried. We'll radio ahead and let them know we're on our way. It's not the best thing to be out past dark. You forget how dark it really does get. And I'm not sure how the truck's lights are."

"Of course, we understand," she said sadly. She was so happy to have laughter and life back in our lives, she didn't want to see them leave.

"Speaking of the truck…" Rosalie interrupted. "How did it survive?"

"That beast? You couldn't kill it if you tried!" Seth laughed, and Charlie joined him.

"I had the truck over at Billy Black's place before the bombs hit. The engine was out of it getting repaired. Billy's son, Jake, was trying to fix it up on the off chance Bella came back. At the time, that kid was kind of taken with Bella."

"Don't remind me," I mumbled.

He laughed at me before continuing. "We could only protect so many vehicles from the EMP's. Eventually over the years, some of the trucks died, and this ol' girl didn't have fuel injection, so Jacob re-built the engine from scraps lying around and got her running again. She's one of the few we have left. Bella's still here in spirit I guess."

 _She had that truck less than anyone, but it'll always be hers_ _…_ Seth's thoughts trailed off.

"I think so too," I agreed with him. He nodded his head, before he realized I had answered his thoughts.

"Wait! Hold up! So what's this whole thing about you reading minds and Alice seeing the future? Why … er … how can you do that?" Seth asked.

"Come on, Seth. Time to go. That's another story the Cullens will share when they feel the need to. We've over-stayed our welcome."

"What? No. I—"

"Seth. It's time to go," Charlie warned.

Fully disappointed, Seth slowly stood up, knowing he couldn't push Charlie on this matter.

"Fine! But promise me you guys will fill me in next time we see each other." He looked at me speculatively. " _And_ I want to know about these 'Ravagers.'"

"Yes, we promise to fill you in," Carlisle agreed on our behalf.

We walked Charlie and Seth outside, and watched as Jasper and Alice were finishing loading up the bed of the truck with some of the supplies we had stocked out back. They had placed countless cases of 'Ensure' and other canned goods, as well as blankets and extra clothing that had never been worn by any of us. At the end, near the tailgate I saw the case of Johnny Walker and a case of M&M's.

"I don't know if the chocolate will have held up. I hear the shelf life isn't that long, but you can give it a try," Alice said warmly to Seth.

"Are you freaking kidding me? You've had chocolate all these years and haven't eaten it?" He was completely shocked and grinning like a fool.

"We aren't that big on candy around here," Jasper mused.

"Are you sure? Really?" Seth asked Alice and she nodded, fully content with herself as Seth ran over and picked her up in a giant bear hug. She was a little stunned by his actions, and Jasper moved ever so slightly concerned for her safety, but I reached out and stopped him, reassuring him he meant no harm.

"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! I don't care if it's all white and crusty, we'll still eat it!" He set her down, towering over her and ruffled her hair.

"Hey, lay off the hair! There are some clothes in there too, and I suggest you burn what you have on, and wear the stuff I've packed," she teased, pinching her nose. "You kind of smell a bit."

"What do you mean? I do not! I just washed this stuff yesterday. Maybe you are 'crazy,' psychic girl."

"You do too, just a little trace of wet dog or something." She wrinkled her nose in disapproval.

"Are you two finished?" Charlie mocked. "Alice, we can't take all this , really, we can't take your supplies," he said seriously.

"Charlie, it's the least we can offer. I will bring more medical supplies in a few days when we come to visit." Carlisle lifted the rusted tailgate and slammed it shut. Charlie stood for a moment, knowing it would be pointless to argue with any of us.

"I can't thank you enough for coming to visit. Since Doc Gerandy died, we've been without a proper doctor for three years now. Leah's been amazing, taking his place and all—he trained her pretty good over the years—but even she can't do everything that a surgeon such as yourself can. It will be much appreciated." Charlie bestowed his gratitude and offered his hand.

Carlisle took it, shaking it in return. "You said the clinic you have is near the bunker, right?" Carlisle's thoughts switched to the possibility that the clinic was on Quileute land.

"Yep, in fact it's right inside, we never moved it," Charlie confirmed.

"Okay, we've got some things to tie up here first, but you can expect us in a few days." Carlisle's 'things' he was referring to involved: the ravagers, the Quileutes and me. I took a deep breath, knowing that this talk was inevitable, even though it was definitely not something I was looking forward to.

We said our good-byes, and watched as the truck roared down the lane, the taillights twinkling in between the trees as daylight was coming to an end.

"Inside. _Everyone_ ," Esme said with a firm voice.


	11. That Which Does Not Kill Us Makes Us Stronger

**CHAPTER 10**

****-:-** That Which Does Not Kill Us Makes Us Stronger **-:-****

* * *

**2016 -:- Present Day**

We had all gathered in the living room again, waiting like school children outside of the principal's office. Everyone was afraid to speak. We knew by the tone of Esme's voice that she was beyond angry, and it was always wise to let her have the first words when she was like this.

I was looking at the floor, because I couldn't look anyone in the eye, besides there was no need. I knew exactly what everyone was thinking, they were blaming me for Esme's mood, and every one of them wanted to have a word with me and hold me accountable. Esme had beenhappy … earlier. We had just spent an incredible afternoon with a person, whom we never thought we'd see again, and a new friend we hoped that we could keep. None of us had ever truly had a friend outside of the family. Bella had been the exception and we had done well to keep relationships to a minimum since the bombs. We never stayed in one place long enough to garner friendships, and I could tell my family wanted this to work, and they wanted to share themselves, _all_ of themselves, with these, for the most part, strangers.

Esme's thoughts were a mix of pity and exasperation. She wasn't sure where to start, but she knew that all the animosity was centered around me, and she was through with all the secrets. I decided I would take a risk and start the conversation, and try to redirect the hostility away from me. I didn't have anything to lose at this point.

"Esme, I—"

"No, Edward." She steeled herself for the long evening ahead. "You don't get to speak right now. I've had enough of your deception lately. Between you and Emmett, Jasper, and now Rosalie, I won't have it anymore. We do not keep things from each other in this family. We can't afford to." She glared at me across the room.

I nodded my head afraid to say another word. Everyone was a little surprised at her castigations, each of them only knowing a little bit and not the full story behind each of her accusations. I quickly glanced to Carlisle, wondering where his thoughts were in all of this, but, surprisingly, his mind was relatively blank.

"And don't think I haven't noticed that the two of you have been avoiding each other, either." She waved a hand back and forth between me and Carlisle. "Or more importantly, that you've been avoiding him." She pointed a finger at me. I had a feeling the discussion this evening was going to involve a lot of finger pointing.

"I'm not sure where to start, but no one is leaving this room until it's all out on the table. Are we clear? No more secrets. We have a chance here in this house, and we all know that half-truths in this family only lead to trouble. So, who wants to start?"

The room was jarringly silent as everyone looked to me, pretty much 'throwing me to the wolves.' There was no avoiding any of it now, they were all infuriated with me, that much was apparent, and I was too exhausted to care. I stubbornly sat in my chair, refusing to speak first, partly because I didn't know which would be the easiest to discuss.

Jasper cleared his throat, and broke the awkward silence.

"Edward and I have a theory about the South," he slowly drawled out. _I'll do what I can to help, but brother_ _…_ _you are on your own after that._ I breathed a sigh of relief for Jasper's deflection—definitely a brother a man needed.

"We think that someone is creating an army of newborn vampires, that these newborns might be what the humans are referring to as the _Ravagers_. We can't be certain, but the signs are there."

"An army," Alice whispered. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Esme sat down next to Carlisle and took his hand.

"Why in heaven's name would someone do that?" she asked, taken by surprise at the turn the conversation was taking.

Carlisle had finally perked up, listening carefully and now completely engrossed in the theories we had come up with. Everyone was intent, eyes locked on Jasper's face as he continued.

"We don't know the motivations behind it. We can only speculate, but we think that without the Volturi to keep them in check, the surviving, southern covens have nothing to fear, really.

"There have been more and more reports of Ravager attacks over the last few years. Before, it was just random acts of violence, stories of travelers disappearing, and so-called witnesses telling stories to scare children in their beds. There's never been any concrete evidence as to what was happening out beyond the walls of the Districts. We know how it is out there; it's not easy on the outside. People are killed for fuel and supplies all the time, just look at how we traveled. We kept up the charade of a militarized convoy and carried guns for crying out loud."

It was true … when we first became mobile it was hard not to draw attention to our vehicles. We knew we were targets, people thinking they could easily take on four unarmed men and three women spread out between four vehicles. Our convoy was a jackpot of sorts, especially the fuel truck. In the beginning, we were constantly defending ourselves and the vehicles, and it was hard to maintain the human façade. Emmett had decided enough was enough and mounted guns on to the Humvees, as a warning of sorts. We only ever used them to fire warning shots, but they were very effective, and we were usually left alone.

"These 'Ravager' attacks were nothing more than thieves and thugs, but these new reports are … different," Jasper said gravely. "The last few Districts we visited, spoke of raids, people being stolen at night, from their homes. Which doesn't make any sense. These thieves or—what we assumed were—Ravagers would never approach the Districts. They know they are well defended, but yet, this time, the Districts couldn't hold them off. And they were taking hostages, these bandits would never do that, they have no need, they just kill outright and take what they need.

"Something has changed. Someone or something is taking human prisoners," he finished quietly. They all sat in silence, not sure how to process what Jasper was trying to explain.

"Jasper thinks it may be a vampire trying to build an army," I continued. "And I agree with him."

"Wait. Hold up. Ravagers are vamps?" Emmett asked, raising his hands in confusion, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Maybe not at first, but we think they are now," Jasper answered, looking at me to further explain, hoping to gain me some sympathy from Esme.

"The thing is, the way the Districts are set up, they aren't exactly conducive to the vampire, nomadic lifestyle. It worked for us, our diet differences made it much easier to go unnoticed. But for others, they are seriously lacking in a _food_ supply, especially if they want to remain undetected. The travelers outside of the Districts they would normally have to prey on, are usually the sickly, weak ones, the ones cast outside, possibly infected by the radiation. We remember what the blood of the infected animals tasted like. The tainted blood sustained us, but never truly left us satisfied. Vamps who feed on humans will have no reservations about finding healthy human blood by any means necessary." I looked around the room to my family, each one of them processing what we had revealed differently.

"Of course, we need to confirm our theory. Someone needs to go and find out for sure," Jasper said.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go." Emmett clapped his hands together rubbing them furiously.

"It's not that easy, Emmett," Jasper said. He rolled his eyes, but still tried to ease everyone's worries in the room. "We need to be careful about this. We can't just show up in a vampire's territory in numbers. They'll kill us all."

"They'll _try_!"

"This is serious. The last thing we need is to start a territory war with a vampire building an army of newborns. I know about this stuff, and that's why I have to go … _alone_ ," Jasper finished glaring at Emmett and then at me.

"No way. Jasper, we decided this. I'm going," I said, squaring my shoulders for the argument I knew was coming.

"Nothing was decided. I've experience with this, and most likely the vampire is aware of me and my past, possibly someone I've crossed paths with. It's not just any vampire that can control a newborn army. They'll have had firsthand knowledge of it. I can go under these pretences, a 'consultant,' if you will."

"I can't let you go, and you know it," I disagreed. I was standing in front of him defiantly and he slowly stood up, facing me head on.

"You will, and you know damn well why you're not going," he shot back.

"Oh, yeah? And why is that?" We stood inches apart, glaring at each other, the room crackled with our energy. I could feel his anger rolling off of him and he struggled to gain control of it. "Enlighten me," I mused.

 _You want me to say it out loud? You want everyone to know of your death wish?_ His thoughts were full of bitterness as we stood toe to toe.

"Enough! Edward, you're not going!" Esme shouted in desperation.

"What?" I turned on her, my anger boiling over. "Why is that?" I growled through clenched teeth.

"Because!" She stood up raising her hands to her face. "I know you won't come back," she finished in a whisper, and the sound of her voice was muffled through her hands. "I can't lose you … any of you."

"That's exactly why I need to go. I won't let one of you go through what I have. Can't you see that? It has to be me, I have nothing to lose."

"And that's why you're _not_ going," Jasper agreed with Esme. "You won't fight to come back, I will."

The family's shouts erupted all around the room, everyone arguing for or against me. We stood in the middle of the living room yelling at each other trying to get our points across. Only two people remained silent, sitting in opposite corners from each other, and one was reserved and pensive, the other was desperately clinging to her husband's hand. I heard her voice in my head over top of everyone's shouts.

_Edward_ _…_ _it has to be Jasper._

I stopped in mid-sentence, taken completely by surprise at her words and turned to look at her.

"Alice, you can't mean that," I challenged her. Everyone stopped shouting and followed my gaze.

" _Think_ about what you're saying," I said. "Look," I turned to face the rest of my family, "I appreciate all of you thinking you want to _save_ me, but maybe I don't want to be saved. I'm going because it's the right decision and you know it. I'll do everything in my power to come back, but if for some reason it doesn't go as planned…" I didn't finish that sentence, not wanting to add fuel to their argument. "Let me do this, please."

"Jasper has to go," Alice said stubbornly, while rubbing his arm, and I saw him squeeze her other hand and smile warmly at her. They had already silently made their decision in the short amount of time this discussion had come about, but Alice wasn't thinking this through clearly.

"Alice…" I waved her off, "don't be ridiculous. You don't know what you're saying." I shook my head scoffing at her and dismissing her ludicrous plan.

"Don't tell me I don't know what I'm saying, Edward!" she yelled as she stood up, all four feet and eleven inches of her. She was in front of me within seconds, drilling her finger into my chest. "You are my brother! But Jasper is my husband! Don't presume to _ever_ think I would sacrifice him for you. Ever! You arrogant son-of-a-bitch!" My eyes widened in surprise, as she continued in my head.

_He is my life. Just as Bella was yours. So for me to say Jasper has to go, it means, he has to go._

She stabbed me in the chest again. "Got it?"

We continued to stare at each other in silence, and I felt a soothing calm surround me as Jasper cautiously walked toward us.

"Alice…" He reached his arms out and tried to pull her away from me, but she shrugged him off, a little annoyed that he was interrupting.

"Whoa! The pixie is fierce." Emmett laughed. "And here I thought Edward should be afraid of me."

I smiled a little at her determination.

"That's why I _have_ to go, Alice," I said softly, placing my hand on her cheek. "I couldn't bear it if you lost what I did. None of you should have to suffer through that. This is why I must go in his place." I let out a deep sigh, running my fingers through my hair.

She shook her head, completely frustrated with me.

"You're not listening to me, you pig-headed fool. It's different this time. This is the only way, I _feel_ that it's right. This is a strong one, stronger than anything I've felt in ten years. I would _never_ agree to let Jasper go unless I was certain. I know he'll refuse to let me come, even though I'll still argue anyway." She chuckled. "But I'm confident this is the right choice."

I turned from her, walking toward the window, and I stared at my reflection and at my family's faces behind me, watching. To me, this was the simplest decision to make, and I couldn't understand why they were fighting me on this. Had I not done all that they had asked of me? Had I not done more than my share for this family? Couldn't they grant me this one last thing?

 _Edward, this is the strongest it's ever been. These feelings are right, I just know it. It's like my visions are trying to find a way to break through. You know I would never risk his life._ Alice's thoughts pushed through my own self-doubt.

Placing my hands on the back of my head, fingers interlocked, I stared out the window thinking about my options. How could I let him go in my place when I was the one that needed to go? If she lost Jasper, I couldn't bear to think about that. I knew exactly what would happen to Alice, she would be no different than me, and that would just compound my guilt further if that was even possible. I wanted to die when Bella had, I had no plans on surviving without her, but it was Alice and Carlisle who eventually brought me back and kept me going when I no longer had the will to live. My love for them was what kept me around. Carlisle's remorse and Alice's love. They had everything to live for, everything that I didn't, and I couldn't stand to sit by and let it all slip away for them like I had. I had kept them together all those years ago, through my guilt and determination to set things right. As I stood staring out the window, I was doing my best to block my family's thoughts, as I remembered those early years. I had done what I had set out to do. I had saved my family from a fate similar to mine, and now Alice was willing to risk it all again. I couldn't let that happen.

 _Edward, you know this is right. Trust Alice. Trust me,_ Jasper pleaded silently.

He couldn't go on this own. Carlisle would agree with me, he would be breaking the only family rule, and Carlisle would never let one of us separate for that long, over that distance. After all, that rule was in place because of Jasper.

"Fine. Then I'm going with him," I said, resolved to this idea.

"Ah, I don't think that's wise, Edward," Rosalie piped up. _What about what happened earlier? You're going to have to stay here to be accountable for your actions. If the Quileute's are still holding to the treaty and they think you ran_ _…_ _they'll come after us all._

"Why not?" Esme said, her voice full of concern, not knowing the reason behind Rosalie's plea. "I'd feel much more comfortable if the two of them were going together. I don't like the idea of Jasper going alone, anymore than Edward does."

Damn it. Rosalie was right. I couldn't leave the rest of them to deal with the mess I had made. I turned around to face her.

"We could wait until that's been taken care of," I said directly to Rosalie, avoiding Esme's question.

"Until _what_ is taken care of?" Esme stood up from Carlisle's side. " _This_ is what I've been talking about! No more secrets. Out with it. What has to be 'taken care of?'" she asked, infuriated and expecting answers.

"Well, genius here, crossed the treaty line. That's where Rosalie found him earlier," Emmett said dryly.

My family's thoughts were filled with shock and outrage and they all yelled silently in my mind, but no one spoke aloud. Jasper was fuming and I could feel his tension as he thought about this unexpected turn of events.

Carlisle had been unnervingly quiet, and I could see out of the corner of my eye that his face was filled with disappointment. His silence wasn't going to last that much longer and this news was definitely something that would put him over the edge. The two of us had been through so much more than the others. We were connected him and I. I was his 'first,' and we knew each other better than any of the others, including Esme. My actions over the last few months had put a distance between us, that neither of us was ready to face. But breaking the treaty that we had set up over eighty years ago was not going to sit lightly with him.

"Edward? Is this true?" he said in a commanding voice, finally speaking his first words of the evening. _What on earth would possess you to break the treaty? Are you trying to…_

Turning my face to avoid the others, I looked him in the eyes imploring him to understand, and not to speak out loud of his assumption.

 _I see. That's it isn't it? You want to go in Jasper's place in the event there_ is _a danger. You broke the treaty to tempt the Quileute's into a fight. And I can only imagine what you've asked of Emmett to have him tied up in knots like this, and why you've been avoiding me._

I nodded my head slightly, confirming his thoughts. I didn't want it to come out like this, but he was bound to figure it sooner rather than later.

"Carlisle…" I said softly, "we can discuss this after. Just you and I, I'd like that very much. But right now, there are a few other things we need to address."

Esme was about to interrupt, she wanted to know what Carlisle had been saying to me and was about to say as much when Carlisle reached for her hand. His solemn look, made her pause in mid-thought. She searched his face lovingly and was met with an expression of melancholy which must have spoken volumes to her. Sitting down slowly beside him, she allowed him the opportunity to speak his mind without any more interruptions. She had done her part this evening, and had gotten the family to speak, but it was up to Carlisle now to bring us all together under one common resolution.

He patted Esme's hand and affectionately smiled at her before turning to the rest of us.

"I've sat here patiently this evening, listening to each of you and your opinions, and now I ask you to hear mine. And then perhaps, as a family, we can come to a decision together," he offered to us all.

"Jasper, what you and Edward have said about the South, is very interesting and quite probable. I'm curious to know who would be able to manifest such an army, and the reasoning behind it. Rather than just for mere sustenance, I would think there is something greater behind it. Which leads me to my next thought. The Volturi. After all of these years, we still have yet to hear from them. The Volturi are alive, I'm sure of it. If Aro took our warnings seriously enough to investigate ten years ago, he would not have left himself vulnerable. He, and his brothers, would have survived at all cost. What we don't know is what they stand for now. Rosalie is right, the rules havechanged, and we don't know who or what is building this army, and more importantly what this will mean for our family and Tanya's." _The world has been through enough. We cannot allow this to happen._ He internally voiced the rest of his thoughts, so I was the only one privy to them.

Turning to me, with a serious expression, he spoke resolutely, _"_ Given Jasper's history, he is the better choice." _There is too much at stake here, and for the first time_ _…_ _I don't trust you to not be reckless. I'm sorry, but that's how I feel. It's wrong of me to think this way, considering all you've done for this family already. But if you want to end your existence, this isn't the way._

I wasn't shocked at the conclusion he had come to. He knew me all too well, as I did him. I looked at him with understanding, and he knew I revered him, and would listen to him above all the others.

"I understand." I nodded my head. "But that doesn't mean I shouldn't go with Jasper."

"That's where I have to disagree. Carlisle, you know as well as I do if there are two of us, whoever it is down there, will view us as a threat," Jasper said stubbornly from the corner where him and Alice sat wrapped in each other's arms.

"As much as I hate to admit it, and I don't want to separate any one of us, but he's right, Edward. Besides, you may have to answer to the Quileute's if they decide to challenge the treaty. Hopefully, that won't happen. From what Charlie tells me, everyone is living near the shelter, in a compound of sorts, including the Quileute. There's a possibility they'll never even know you crossed the line. I can't imagine how they would know. But you'll need to be here if they do."

"And Charlie needs you too," Esme said warmly, smiling, interrupting Carlisle.

"Yes, there's that too."

"You're going to let him go by himself? We all know what happened last time." I saw Alice stiffen at my words and her expression fell as she remembered all too well.

"That was different and you know it. Don't go bringing that up into this," Jasper seethed. _Do you really want to go there now?_

"I'm sorry, you're right, that was out of line. I guess, if—if this is the family's decision, I'll have to live with it." I sat down in my chair running my hands through my hair, making it stand on end.

It was a six to one vote in favor of Jasper travelling to the South on his own. It was decided he would leave the following day, at twilight, running under the cover of darkness. After the family had finished up the discussion of what our next plans were, Jasper silently asked me for a word and we went outside, back to the dried up creek bed.

"Look, I'm really sorry for bringing that up in there, I shouldn't have, and I'm sorry," I apologized whole-heartedly.

"That's not what I want to talk to you about. It's about Alice…" His eyes searched out mine in the darkness. "I need you to make me a promise, two actually, that you will stick to no matter what."

"Anything."

"I need you to watch out for her, protect her. I need you to _be_ here, while I'm gone. You feel me?"

"She'll be protected. I can wait for you to come back."

"I know she's okay with the idea of me going, but I honestly don't know how long it will take. It could be a week, it could be months. I need you to promise me, that no matter how long I'm gone, she's not to follow me down there. None of you are."

"Jasper, you know I can't—"

" _Promise_ me _."_

"I promise I'll stop Alice from following you, but I can't make that promise for myself or the others."

"You have to."

"That's not fair and you know it."

"All I ask is that you trust me enough to know I _will_ come back to her. I'll not leave her alone in this world. It's all I'm asking of you." We stood in the darkness both stubborn in our resolve. _Edward, trust me as I have trusted you over these years._

"You ask the impossible, you know that, right?"

I could make out the nod of his head and the gleaming white of his teeth as he grinned at me.

"Alright. I promise," I said sighing.

He clapped me on the back. "Thank you, and I'm holding you to this."

"What are you holding him to?" Alice asked from the darkness of the back porch.

"Edward's made me some promises is all, and I expect him to honor them."

"Mm-hmm. I think I can guess." She was walking toward us and we started in her direction, meeting her halfway. "Edward, Carlisle's looking for you, I'm sure you're aware of that though and that's why you're out here making deals with my husband to avoid him, again."

"How observant of you, Alice. You sure you don't have 'the sight' back?" I laughed and Jasper hit me in the stomach as he tried to stifle his own laughter.

"Very funny." She stuck out her tongue at me. "Oh, and just so you're aware, I know what you've been planning, I think Esme's the only one who doesn't, and count yourself lucky for that. So, I'll be watching you," she said in a sing-song voice. "With Jasper gone, I'll have all this free time on my hands, so you better get used to having me around, _all the time._ We'll have so much fun." She emphasized each word carefully.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, I can't wait for the slumber parties and all the girl talk," I said mocking her, and rubbed my hands together, as I turned to walk back toward the house.

"You have no idea what you're in for, Edward Cullen! Speaking of girls, I _do_ have a feeling one is coming your way! And she'll knock you on your proverbial ass!" she yelled back at me.

"Whatever, Alice. Whatever." She could poke and prod all she wanted about me finding someone to share my life with, but that ship had sailed long ago. There would never be anyone else, and I never believed there would be. I just wished the rest of my family would get that through their heads.

 _It's true. About the girl,_ her thoughts floated back to me as I walked back to the house remembering that day in Phoenix all over again.

**2006 **-:-** Past Memories**

_Edward, can you hear_ _me_ _?_

I was vaguely aware of a female's voice. It couldn't be her, Victoria took her from me. But why could I hear her voice? She was here? Nothing was making sense.

_Edward. Look at me!_

I smiled, but very slightly. My angel was here with me. Maybe this was it, and Victoria had killed me instead. I looked up across the alley at my angel, and she was standing there with sun gleaming down around her. A halo of light surrounded her hair, and I could just make out her face. She wasn't smiling though, a look of terror and pain crossed her face.

"Don't be afraid, love. I'm here, we're together now." I reached my hand out to her, beckoning her to me. I was still on my knees unable to move. "Amazing," I heard my voice, it was strange and distant and full of wonder. "Carlisle was right."

"Edward…" I heard her gasp. "You've got to get back into the shadows. You have to move. _We_ have to move!"

I laughed mocking her silly words. There was no need for shadows where we were, we could be free here. I could be free with her.

"I can't believe I didn't feel any pain."

My angel slowly walked toward me, the halo of light still surrounding her. I reached a hand up to her trying to touch her, caress her as I spoke softly.

"She was quick, I thought I had killed her, but I was wrong, she must have killed me. It was all I wanted, to be with you."

She took a step toward me, and I realized I longed for her touch.

"I would gladly die another death, if it meant this. If it meant I could be with you again." The halo of light followed her as she walked closer. Her hair was soft and light, a honey-color which confused me. As she moved near me, she bent down, grabbing me by the shoulders, squaring me off and giving me a shake.

"Edward! You're not dead!" she yelled, as she shook me again. I felt as though all the breath was knocked out of me. I closed my eyes, trying to make sense of her words. She wasn't making sense.

"We have to move! There are too many people around. We need to go. Now!"

Comprehension must have flickered on my face, because I could feel her trying to pull me to my feet and even though I resisted she was still able to lift me.

I shook my head as I listened to her pleadings. No. No. No. This was not right. She smelled different. She sounded different. Something was wrong. I opened my eyes and my world shattered.

"Come on! Emmett will take care of Victoria. We have to go!" Rosalie demanded, as she dragged me back into the shadows of the alley. No! My mind screamed in silence, and in that moment everything fell apart, I wasn't aware of anything around me, only bits and pieces.

"Where's Bella?" she asked. "Did you find her?"

I heard sounds coming from her mouth and only the odd word made its way through to me. Words such as: Bella, Alice, bomb, vision, and Phoenix registered vaguely, but nothing else that I could comprehend. The only word I could mutter in response was, "Dead."

"How do you know?" Did you see her?"

She asked all the pertinent questions, but I was in a fog, and there wasn't anything I could do to break free from it. It surrounded my every thought, my every action. I tried to speak, I tried to explain what had happened, what I saw, and I was aware of some things around me, but the fog was drowning me. I watched in horror as I felt myself slipping away. Was this what shock felt like? Was it even possible?

The only thing that I was conscious of was Rosalie dragging me with all her might away from the gruesome scene that lay behind us. And all I wanted to do was go back there, curl up and die along with Bella. The scene played over and over in my mind. Bella's silk-like, pale neck stretched, welcoming that vile wretched woman. What was she thinking? Had I ruined her so much that she was willing to give in, to accept death? I knew the answer to that, for now I understood why she would be willing to give it all up. I wanted to join her because there was nothing left for me now. I just wanted to lie down and accept my fate. The world was going to end in less than twenty-four hours and I would end with it.

I struggled against Rosalie and managed to choke out a few words.

"Leave me." I broke free from her grasp and sat down in the alley against the recess of the brick building refusing to go anywhere else.

"Go." My voice was strangled and broken. I laid my head against the asphalt, closing my eyes, and my head was pounding as the fog threatened to envelope me again. But this time, I welcomed it. As my world spun out of control I wished and prayed for death to come and take me. It was the last thing I clearly remembered of that day.

Static. I could hear static and voices I didn't recognize talking as I floated in and out of a lucid state. I was not aware of time or space, just the fog and it would come for me over and over again, dragging me under, enveloping me in the blackness, and still the voices played out in my head.

.

 _The Department of Homeland Security and the Attorney General's office raised the nation's terror alert_  
to the red level, indicating a "severe risk" of terror attack.  
Joining us now, live, from the White House, is Secretary of Homeland Security, Michael Chertoff.

" _American intelligence picked up indications of a Russian Nationalist terrorist network in  
possession of a 'Mark 15 hydrogen bomb,' off the southern east coast of the United States. _

" _Recent intelligence reports indicate an increased likelihood that an attack may be attempted on_  
American soil, well-known active terrorist factions have emphasized planning for attacks all over  
the country,targeting key cities, and locations necessary for the running of this country.

" _Since September 11, 2001, the United States has substantially improved its capacity to disrupt,_  
deter and prevent terrorist attacks—terrorist attacks against innocent Americans.  
The active cooperation of the American people—your cooperation— has been instrumental  
in preventing major terrorist attacks. We are not recommending that events be cancelled,  
nor do we recommend that individuals change domestic or work or travel plans. As we have  
in the past, we ask that Americans continue their daily work and leisure activities,  
with a heightened awareness of their environment and the activities occurring around them. 

" _As a result of the increase in the threat level, the alert going from "high" to "severe,"_  
specific protective measures will be taken by all federal agencies both to reduce vulnerabilities  
and many of them actually will, we believe, serve as a deterrent. For individual Americans,  
we ask you to remain aware and remain alert. One of the thoughts that I would just  
simply share with you: It's probably not a bad idea to sit down and just arrange some kind of  
a contact plan. It doesn't take a great deal of time, and I think it would make family members a lot  
more comfortable if they knew they were able to get in touch with one another in the  
event something happened."

_Joining us now with more on this story is news correspondent, Eric Lichtblau with the New York Times._

" _Eric, were the government officials involved in this briefing very specific about what people  
should be on the lookout for? What kind of attack they want us to be worried about?"_

" _No, not really. That's been part of the frustration all along with these warnings as they've_  
gone out in the past seventeen months. There is sort of a feeling among local police  
and the public that we know we should be worried but we don't know what to do about it…"

.

The fog continued. I tried as hard as I could to resurface, but there was only static and voices. More static and voices, and I couldn't make sense of any of it.

_.  
_

_In other news, residents of Phoenix were in for a special treat today as onlookers witnessed_  
the very realistic filming and special effects of a scene for an upcoming moviebeing produced  
by the Italian film company, 'VolterItalia Productions.'

_A spokesperson from the production company had this to say._

" _We want to apologize to the city of Phoenix. We were under the impression that we had all of our_  
permits in order for filming, downtown, in the city. It turns out we did not. Unfortunately, we were  
unaware of this until after the first take, and we take full responsibility for all the damages ensued."

 _Publicity stunt to hype up the movie? Either way, city officials were not impressed by the damage_  
caused by the filming. Traffic was halted for hours while the city crews tried to restore order in the  
downtown core. Onlookers were amazed to learn this was all a ruse, cooked up by a movie studio.

" _No way, man! There is no way that was a movie! It was too real! I didn't even see any cameras or wires!_  
They were flying all over the place. Well, if it was real, I'm for sure going to see that movie.  
It was so violent! That guy just ripped off this girl's head. It was so cool!  
But there was no blood or anything, maybe they'll add that in digitally or something," said one on-looker. 

_While another had this to say,_ " _Oh, I knew it was movie. I could see the wires, and the fall away wall was so  
unrealistic and that sparkling makeup? Really? Who are they trying to fool? I would never go and see that movie."_

_.  
_

I didn't know where I was, it felt different now, it smelled different, and I didn't know how much time had passed. I had hoped I was dead, and here I was sitting, waiting in purgatory, for judgment to be passed. This is what I longed for, but a part of me, the tiny part that was aware of the static and the voices, wouldn't let me go in peace. The static was constantly emerging, reminding me of the possibility that I was still alive, and then I would push it away and go back to the fog, welcoming it once more.

.

 _Riots erupted in major cities across the world overnight as breaking news of a possible global nuclear strike_  
was made public. Martial Law has been declared across the United States and many parts of the world. The  
military is doing their best to evacuate the major cities at risk from an attack. Riots and looting have broken  
out in many of the less affluent neighborhoods where people have been stranded without the means to leave.  
In New York, one hundred and twenty-three people were reported killed as a bus traveling in the Lincoln Tunnel  
collided with a semi-transport trailer, causing an extensive explosion involving more than one hundred vehicles.  
The crash has rendered the tunnel useless for travel, and the Port Authority has closed the Lincoln Tunnel indefinitely.  
Officials are urging everyone to find an alternate route for crossing the Hudson. 

_The President and his administration have been removed from the capital to an undisclosed location._

_We have been assured the media that the government is still in full operation, and they urge everyone to remain calm and alert._

.

The air smelled so familiar to me, like a hospital, almost sickly, and damp, and the voices in my head were back, new ones demanding that I wake up. But I wasn't sleeping. Didn't they know a vampire couldn't sleep? But … wait … I wasn't a vampire. No. This strange dream of monsters and violence and blood-thirst was all in my head, my fevered-brain had imagined it all. I was in Chicago, in the hospital … on my death-bed. I wasn't a killer. I knew if I opened my eyes, my mother would be lying on the hospital bed next to me, both of us suffering, waiting to join my father in the next life.

.

 _Today marks a day in history I had never hoped we see. When I founded CNN, I made a comment for the history books._  
I said, "We won't be signing off until the world ends. We'll be on, and we will cover the end of the world, live, and that will  
be our last event... and when the end of the world comes, we'll play 'Nearer, My God, to Thee' before we sign off." Well, it's  
wit _h my deepest, saddest regret I must inform you_ _…_ _that time has come. Rest assured, I will remain here at CNN, along with_  
a few of my colleagues and we will continue to report as long as it is humanly possible, until the bombs drop and the world  
as we know it changes forever. I trust you all find comfort in your God, and hold tight to your loved ones in this dark time.  
As promised, our last event before we sign off. 'It has been a privilege playing with each and every one of you.' Godspeed."

.

I heard my name again. _Edward_ _…_ _Edward Cullen!_ Someone was yelling at me. But that wasn't my name. My name was Edward Masen, not Cullen, my mother is Elizabeth Masen, and she was lying beside me. We were both sick, and our doctor was Cullen, Dr. Cullen. If I opened my eyes I would see my mother, and she would smile at me and call me her "sweet boy." Oh, how I wanted this dream to end. I had enough of this nightmare of super strength and speed, this undeniable thirst, and the ability to read minds. No human should be able to do these things. It was preposterous, and this monster I was imagining I had become, was nothing more than a fever dream, because this couldn't be real. It was unnatural and ungodly. My mother's "sweet boy" was not a killer … I was not a killer! None of it was real, Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, evil vampires and … Bella. My breath faltered as I imagined the idea that my Bella was not real. That my mind had cooked her up and the possibility that she was an angel coming to take me to the next life and guide me out of this nightmare I was living. She was my savior, not a human. She wasn't real. I would wake up and my green eyes, not gold, would focus on my mother next to me, and Bella would simply never have existed.

The idea overwhelmed me, and I started to panic. She was real, she had to be. I struggled and thrashed against the hospital sheets that tied me down to this world. I wanted to get back to her, I needed to. I heard my mother's whispers, "Edward, shh. It will be okay." I felt her hand at my brow trying to ease me in my restlessness as I fought against the fog. My mother or Bella. Who was real? I didn't want to choose, I didn't know if I could.

"You are where you're meant to be," her soothing voice comforted me, and I wanted to turn into her and give in to the swirling fog.

"No, I can't. I'm a monster," I cried.

"That's where you're wrong, my sweet boy. You're a pure and good man and your time is not finished. You need to help those who cannot help themselves, and you'll find the one that makes you whole."

"I won't. She's gone," I replied in anguish, trying to convince the achingly familiar voice.

"Perhaps there is another," she said warmly, and I struggled to recall the last time I had heard the sound of her dulcet tones; it was different than I remembered.

"But that's not possible, there'll never be another. Don't you see? I'm a killer. This is the body of a killer! I'm meant to be alone in _that_ world."

"You're not alone, you never were…" the voice trailed off into the fog, and then, there was nothing but silence and the blackness again.

"Come back! I don't want to be alone," I screamed back at my mother. I twisted and turned in all directions trying to find her, and I felt two solid hands on my shoulders holding me in place. I heard her words. They broke me out of my fever-dream state, brought me to the surface, and the fog started to dissipate.

_You're not alone, Edward._

My eyes gradually focused, taking in my surroundings. The room was very dark, with only one small light bulb in the middle of the large room and there was a strange humming sound off in the distance. The room smelled of dirt and concrete, and, what was that awful smell? It smelled like … a barn? My eyes searched the room, trying to focus on anything, and then I found familiar gold-colored, warm eyes staring back at me.

"Where are we?" My voice rasped from disuse. I was alive … the disappointment was palpable.

 _We're in Chicago, or what was formerly known as Chicago_ … her thoughts trailed off and the voice in my head was the same achingly familiar sound from moments ago.

I nodded my head processing the information, and processing the fact that all of this was real, that I was real, and I was in a world that should not exist. It was a bit disheartening. The idea that I was actually a human back in the hospital and not a vampire, had made perfect sense to me. This reality was not something I was prepared to relish in, especially when I was facing the truth of what had just happened.

"Where is everyone?" I said flatly.

She looked me in the eyes, and her tender, soft features and heartrending expression were painful to watch. She smiled sadly, pausing for a second and then her face crumbled.

"Edward," Esme sobbed, throwing herself into my arms. "We need you."


	12. A Chain is Only as Strong as its Weakest Link

**CHAPTER 11**

****-:-** A Chain is Only as Strong as its Weakest Link **-:-****

* * *

**2006 -:- Past Memories**

Reeling backward, I was unsure if I was ready for contact, a little befuddled by everything and her mixed up thoughts were not helping my confusion. I tried to pull away, but she held on tightly not wanting to break our connection. Hesitantly placing my arms around her, I rocked her back and forth trying to ease her sorrows, all the while trying to make sense of things. Nothing was concrete in my mind, or solidified. There was only one clear image, Victoria standing across from me in an alley in Phoenix taunting me. I couldn't recollect anything. Everything else was a fleeting memory tangled up in chaos and grief. I was hoping Esme could enlighten me as to what happened, and where I was and how I made it here. But first, I needed her calm enough to talk to me. For the moment, we were both content to hold each other for a little while longer.

I took this time to get a closer look around the room. It was dark, windowless and damp, and the lack of ambient noise led me to believe we were somewhere underground. I hazily remembered Esme's, or what I believed to be Esme's, thoughts mention Chicago. But that couldn't be right. How could I be in Chicago? Chicago to Phoenix was quite a distance, and I was alarmed that I couldn't remember travelling here. If we were in the Windy City, we must be in the underground bunker Carlisle had arranged for us here.

My eyes slowly scrutinized every detail of the room, and I swept left to right and back again, taking it all in. Directly ahead, across the expanse of the cavernous room, was a large metal door, and it gave me the impression that it was entirely sealed and locked from the inside. On either side of the door were shelving units, stacked and fully stocked to the low ceiling with every day general supplies: light bulbs, flashlights, batteries, blankets, pillows, and all kinds of other electronics that I was sure Jasper and Emmett had a hand in acquiring. The one thing that caught my eye was the five hand-held radios that were charged and resting in their cradles, and the three empty cradles beside them. Three. Why only three?

To my left, it looked as though Carlisle had set up a makeshift trauma area, kitted out with every surgical supply he could possibly need including two small hospital beds which were bare of sheets and blankets. I recognized most of the items he had stocked and I found it a little odd that nothing had been touched, as though it all belonged in a museum. Everything was pristine and sealed up, in its place ready to be used. The only thing that seemed out of place and in disarray was a long table off to the side that held a short-wave radio, and a laptop computer. I could hear a quiet hum coming from the radio, probably too quiet for human ears, but I knew it was on, and I was sure Esme knew as well. There were stacks of paper piled off to the side of the computer and on the wall was a large map of North America. It was color-coded and covered with red, yellow, blue and gray circles. I could only assume what the red meant; I would have to find out what the others were for.

To my right, there was a dim light spilling into the room from a small doorway that opened into a long hallway. I wasn't sure what was down there, but from the smell and the muted noises I think I could guess. Carlisle wasn't taking any chances with us trying to find sustenance or possibly having to resort to contaminated animals. This was his guarantee that we would stick to the family ideals despite what we were facing. The idea of livestock, not to mention the smell emanating from that direction, was enough to quell my eager appetite for the moment. It had been decades since any of us had ventured down that path, and I was hoping the others were out hunting as an alternative to what was down the hall.

I looked down at Esme, her soft honey colored hair was pressed up against my chin, her face still buried in my chest. I briefly glanced around us noticing a sitting area of sorts. There were bookshelves filled with books, movies, a television with all of its accessories, and enough seating for the entire family. We were sprawled out on one of the purple suede sofas, and I could feel a soft, furry plush carpet beneath my toes. I smiled a little knowing that Alice had everything to do with this welcoming area. It was adorned with pillows and richly colored fabrics and over-styled just the way I knew she would try to compensate for the concrete walls that surrounded every inch of this place. Alice was better. And I smiled again at the knowledge of that.

I reached my hand up to caress the back of Esme's hair, smoothing out the waves before gently removing her from my chest. I held her chin in my hand and looked pleadingly in her dark-sorrow filled eyes.

"Esme?" I managed to choke out. "Where is everyone?"

She took a deep breath, and mirrored my actions by placing her own hand on my cheek. "They're gone. They've been gone for some time, and I haven't heard from them."

"What do you mean, 'they're gone?' You aren't making any sense. Where are we? How did I get here? What day is it? Where's Carlisle?" I grabbed her by the shoulders, a little too forcefully, while a million questions poured from my mouth demanding answers to her cryptic response.

"They're gone! It's been four weeks!" she yelled, and I could tell she was frightened for everyone. _They left me with you_ _…_ _only you weren't you. You were here, but you wouldn't respond or react to anything. It wasn't like it was with Alice, this was different._

Her terror had been growing all this time, sitting in this dark, desolate room, worried for everyone she'd ever cared about. Her worst fears had come true, she was alone again.

"I've been slowly going mad," she said. "I don't know where any of them are, and I couldn't leave you here alone, but I kept waiting everyday thinking you were going to come around. I wanted to leave, but I don't know where to start, and I couldn't leave you." _I didn't know what to do._ Her tearless sobs started again.

"Shh, Esme." I wrapped my arms around her again, trying to console her as best I could. "You need to start at the beginning. We'll find them, I promise."

She gathered up all of the courage she had left, and looked me straight in the eyes. "Promise me you won't leave me. _Promise_ me."

The desperation in her voice tore at my heart, and to ease her mind, I made a promise I wasn't sure I could keep. I would try my damndest to maintain it, but I needed to find Bella and I was a long way from her. A spark of anger tore at my insides while I tried to think of the reasons why and how I ended up in Chicago, so far from Bella.

"How did I get here? I guess I should start at that, why are we here?"

A brief look of confusion passed over her face and then it became riddled with grief. "You don't remember?"

I shook my head. "The last thing I can recall is the alley where I found Victoria. She killed the lawyer and the realtor."

She let out another sigh. _He doesn't know._ An image of Rosalie and Emmett carrying a lifeless body inside the large metal door to this bunker popped into her head. I gasped realizing the body was mine.

"Know what? Please, just tell me," I begged of her.

"Edward, you killed Victoria in Phoenix. Emmett and Rosalie found you and brought you back."

I let her words sink in, as she continued to explain what Emmett and Rosalie had relayed to her. I had managed to destroy Victoria in a massive brawl in downtown Phoenix with human witnesses everywhere.

"The Volturi … I remember something about the Volturi and … a movie?"

"You remember? I knew you could hear the television, and I knew you could hear me. Every so often I could sense you were listening, you just weren't ready," she rambled. "Well, the Volturi weren't there in person, only a human representative. Carlisle never heard back from them before…" Her words trailed off.

"It happened, didn't it?"

"Yes," she whispered. "Just as Alice predicted, to the very day, March 16th, the same day Rosalie and Emmett arrived with you. We were all here…" Again her words trailed off, while her thoughts flashed to an image of Bella. "I'm so sorry, Edward."

"Have we any word from Charlie? Is she with him?"

Again, confusion filled her thoughts. "Edward, Bella's … you said so yourself. You told Rose. Emmett found…"

"Found what? No-no-no. I never found her, she's still out there." I started to panic.

"Edward," she said quietly, calmly, and then I saw the images. Emmett must have explained to her what he had found. He had gone back to the house, while Rosalie had tended to me. Behind the house, in the back alley where Phil maintained a garage that I never knew existed, he found Phil's blackened burnt car, and three charred corpses. "You told Rosalie she was dead, you said Victoria killed her."

Everything came back to me in a rush, like a blinding white light piercing through my head, and it felt as though a red-hot poker had seared my insides. I cursed under my breath while clutching my head and squeezing my eyes shut from the pain. I remembered: the fight with Victoria, what she had done to Bella, that she welcomed her death, all because of me. And I remembered ending the she-devil's existence. I pushed Esme away and forcefully stood up, half-expecting stiffness in my joints from sitting so long in a catatonic state. I should have known better. A monster like me didn't share the same qualities as humans did. Blood did not flow in my veins, venom, poisonous death-dealing venom did. I screamed in frustration, swiftly walking to the door, suddenly overcome with claustrophobia.

" _You promised me!"_ Esme said in desperation.

I stopped short of the door, resting my hands against it, and leaned my forehead against the metal. "Esme." I sighed. "Don't ask me to do this."

"You promised me," she said more heatedly.

"I can't. I—"

"You will, because for four weeks I sat here waiting for you, alone, not knowing where any of my family were!" _Edward, I don't know where they are. I don't even know where to begin, and I don't know what it's like out there. I'm so terrified of opening that door, and not knowing what waits on the other side. Bella was my daughter! I've been grieving too all this time. But there are five others in this family that we need to find now._

The guilt came flooding back and I was so tired of it, all of it. Guilt was such a powerful emotion, and it had been ruling me for that last seven months, ever since Bella's birthday. But this time the guilt was different. I was shocked to hear that she had not ventured outside even for a second. Not even to glimpse at what was left of the world.

I remembered killing Victoria, but not much after that. Everything beyond that was all a little hazy, foggy almost. I dropped my hands from the door in defeat, and pushed my forehead away while turning to face her.

"You haven't opened this door?" She shook her head vehemently while biting her upper lip. "Since when? When did they leave?"

"Three days after…"

I hesitated and then walked back toward her, reaching for her hands. She was breaking my heart all over again.

"Tell me."

And she did.

The day before the bombs hit, the morning I found Victoria, Alice had come around. Carlisle and I had just spoken while I was still at Bella's house, and I turned my phone off after the call. They had been desperately trying to reach me. Alice's visions just stopped for no apparent reason. She was trying to filter the visions, trying to get as much information as possible, yet still retreating into her mind when she needed a break. Nothing seemed to be making much sense, she could only decipher one vision, and that was of me in Phoenix, downtown in the sunlight. And then the visions came to an abrupt halt. They were gone completely. She woke in a frantic state, yelling at Carlisle to contact me telling him that I needed help. Emmett and Rosalie were the closest, and this explained how Rosalie and Emmett managed to find me.

"The four of us were already in Chicago, and Carlisle insisted we stay here and wait for you. Emmett and Rosalie chartered a plane from Phoenix. We had never seen you in such a state. Jasper was fit to be tied after everything he went through with Alice, and then the news broke and he was climbing up the walls in here." Esme was rambling and speaking so quickly that it was all coming out in one breath and I had to ask her to slow down. She took a deep breath, trying to relax herself before she continued to relay the story.

Alice had come around and Jasper was so relieved, but it was short-lived. My catatonic state of mind was too much to handle, as was everything else that was happening in the world. Once the bombs hit, he had pretty much crippled under the pain. He had adamantly argued that he needed to leave, that he was not helping but hindering me, and he needed to get away from it all. The family wouldn't let him go on his own. Alice wanted to go with him but he wouldn't let her, he didn't want to put her through what he was going through. His emotions were awash with pain, despair and sorrow, like the first time with Alice's visions, but this time it was amplified tenfold. He had no control over it. It was affecting everyone in the room and his guilt was palpable.

On the third day after the bombs hit, he simply left, leaving everyone, including Alice, behind. I couldn't understand how he had managed to go unnoticed, but this was Jasper, he had probably been planning his departure all along while he suffered through his pain.

"How could he leave Alice like that?" I asked completely appalled.

"Edward," she said tenderly, "he thought he was doing what was best for her, for all of us. Surely, you can understand that. It was unbearable watching the two of you go through all that suffering. It was like a never-ending circle for him. We couldn't contain our emotions, and neither could he. We were doing just as much damage to him, as he was to us."

"Rosalie, Emmett and Alice all went after him. That was the last I've seen of them, or heard from them."

"And Carlisle?" I asked the obvious question she had been avoiding.

She placed her head in her hands, and I gently rubbed circles on her back. "I don't know," she said and her voice was muffled through her hands. She took a deep breath, and for a second I saw 'a woman scorned.' Looking me in the eyes, she said resolutely, "He left two days after the bombs hit and hasn't returned. He doesn't know Jasper left, unless the others met up with him. I can only hope he's at one of the hospitals that survived the attack. I try the radio every day. I've spoke with a few hospitals and make-shift clinics that have radios, but none of them have heard of him." _He left me. He made me a promise long ago, and he's broken it. He just left._

I slowly stood and started to pace around the room, completely taken by surprise at her words. _Carlisle left?_ This was so uncharacteristic of him. _How could he do that?_ Something had to be wrong. There is no way he would leave Esme or the family. He just wouldn't. The thought that something was keeping him from his family terrified me to no end. I understood the reasoning behind Esme's desperation. She had been here for three weeks, looking after me, slowly going out of her mind. I reached down and pulled her to her feet and embraced her in my arms. She only came to the middle of my chest, and for some strange reason she felt tinier than I was used to. I kissed the top of her head, resting my chin there. It smelled of vanilla and lavender, such a familiar smell in an unfamiliar place.

"We'll find them. I swear I will do everything to bring them back to you." This was a promise I could keep, because I couldn't help but feel responsible. I wouldn't let her go through what I had; none of them should.

**2016 -:- Present Day**

I STOOD OUTSIDE THE back door to the kitchen, trying to gather the courage to go inside and face the only person that could possibly talk me out of my plans. I could hear Esme rummaging around in the pantry. She had decided to stock it up, both for appearance sake and for hospitality, since humans were going to be frequently visiting. She was humming softly to the music that was playing on the stereo in the other room. Her thoughts were relatively happy, and I didn't want to disturb her with my presence. At this point, facing Carlisle would be more pleasant than facing her. Opening the back door as quietly as possible, I tried to sneak past her.

"Edward!" she called out from inside the pantry, and I knew I was busted just by the tone of her voice. She peered around the door, squinting her eyes and scrutinizing me from head to toe. "Do you have a minute?" I knew this wasn't really a question, she was just asking for formality's sake, so I nodded my head in agreement.

"Good! Then come help me for a second. I need to go to the water reserve tanks and fill up these bottles." She handed me a crate filled with glass bottles with stoppers, while picking up her own crate.

We walked out the back door and out to her greenhouses beyond the backyard of the house. It was a reasonable distance, and I waited for her to start the inevitable conversation.

"I want to get one thing straight. Don't think I'm not aware of what you're planning. You and I have been through too much for me not to suspect." She stopped walking and looked up to the full moon that was rising just above the scraggly tree line. She sighed, and I waited for her to continue even though I knew what she was thinking. "I feel as though I'm a mother to all of you, not just for appearances sake, but in every respect. So despite what everyone thinks around here, 'a mother always knows,'" she said quietly.

"Esme, you're the only mother I've known in this life, but that doesn't mean I'm not my own person, and capable of making my own decisions."

"You made me a promise," she challenged me, baiting me almost.

"That was a long time ago. Things have changed."

"A promise is still a promise." I made a face to disagree and shifted the crate to my left hip, but she continued before I got the chance to interrupt. "I know I'm not being fair. Believe me, I know. If there is anyone who knows about ending their life, it's me," she said with a distant look in her eyes. "But I also know what it's like to survive, to endure, and to have a second chance at life and find happiness and love again." She turned from me and continued walking toward the water tanks. "Love can come in many forms. Just look at this family." She had reached the tanks, set the crate down and began filling the bottles.

I walked toward her in silence, contemplating her words. Neither of us said anything more, only concentrating on the task at hand. I finished the last of my bottles, and put the stopper in place. We walked back to the house still in silence. Setting the crates down on the pantry floor, I made a motion to stand but Esme's hand reached out and grabbed mine.

"I know what she meant to you because I know what she meant to me in the short time I was able to call her 'daughter.' I'm not trying to dishonor her memory or the love you shared, but she wouldn't want you to exist like this. She would want you to try—"

"I don't know if I can." She nodded her head in understanding.

I heard Alice's footsteps behind me while she cautiously stepped into the kitchen, curious about our conversation. "Well, I guess Esme _does_ know. Never underestimate a mother's intuition," Alice said jokingly, trying to ease the tension in the room. She studied the two of us closely and all joking aside said, "There's always hope, Edward. It's all we have right now." _Can you at least understand that we aren't ready to lose you?_

I stood across from the only mother I remembered, and the woman I considered my baby sister. They were trying to tell me not to leave them, that they loved me and all my flaws.

"Carlisle's waiting for me," I answered cowardly, and walked out of the room, ignoring their protests.

I knocked anxiously on the door to Carlisle's study. To my relief, his thoughts were a mix of planning and lists of supplies he intended to take to the compound the following day.

"Come in," he welcomed me, and I sat across from him in the same chair I sat in while I visited with Charlie less than twenty-four hours ago. "Thank you for joining me. I think we have a few things to discuss."

He could see the anxiety written on my face and he took a deep breath leaning back in his chair. "Edward, I'm not going to force you to talk. You clearly aren't ready to have that discussion with me. I can respect that. Besides, I think Esme and Alice and the rest of the family have given you enough grief."

I knew he had heard every word that had transpired between us in the kitchen, and I was grateful for his understanding.

"When you're ready to talk, I'm here."

I smiled a little and said 'thank you,' relieved I was getting a little reprieve from him.

"I've asked Rosalie and Emmett to make a visit to Tanya's family. I believe they are still in Alaska. I have no idea how they've kept a permanent residence for all these years, but Emmett and Rosalie are going to find out. I imagine they keep to themselves for the most part, but I can see that's going to be much more difficult for us. I also want them to be aware of what we've uncovered in the South, and what we all may be facing. I'm fairly certain they are unaware of what's happening, and we may need their help." _This may require them to stay with us for some time._

I grimaced and shook my head while Alice's taunts from earlier played through my head. _No possible way!_ Was about the only reaction I could muster. I groaned out loud, and my expression turned to disgust.

"I know how you feel about Tanya, but we may not have any alternatives."

I had 'my hackles up' while I contemplated the options and what this possible visit would do to Alice and Esme.

 _I need you to be on board for this. I'll keep Alice and Esme in check for the duration of their visit._ Sometimes, it felt as though Carlisle could read my mind as well. Was I that transparent? When it came to Tanya, I suppose I was.

"Just so we're clear. I'll leave if you don't." I tried to laugh, but it was only half-hearted because we both knew I was serious.

"Fair enough." _I know this will be difficult, I know Tanya can be difficult, but we need them._

We sat in silence for awhile longer and I sat with him while he mentally went through the lists for the day after tomorrow.

_I'd like it if you came with me._

"I can do that. Are Esme and Alice going?"

 _No, Esme says they have 'plans,' which I'm not sure what that means._ He waved a hand and rolled his eyes a little. "I have a feeling that Alice is plotting something for the four of us. But I'll play along if it keeps her busy and her worries at bay." _This will be hard for her, he may be gone a while._

I confirmed his thoughts with a nod of my head. "Did Charlie mention how many people are living in the compound?"

"He didn't, but from the sounds of it there are quite a few of them. I'm sure many of them will have questions, especially some of your old classmates if they are there. Perhaps we can have Alice work her magic and make us look at little older." We laughed, imagining Alice having her way with both of us. She would undoubtedly go overboard.

"Do you have any speculations about the wolves? Do you think they're here? It's been over eighty years since Ephraim Black, the transmutation died out with him, right?" I asked curiously.

"As far as I know. It doesn't mean the Quileutes aren't still holding to their ideals, and the treaty. We've coexisted for all these years, and hopefully we still be able to."

We spent the remainder of the night and day discussing strategies with Jasper and Emmett, who tried to argue that he should be here when we went to speak with the Quileutes, which was why Carlisle asked him to go to Alaska. He was hoping with Emmett and Jasper gone, essentially our two best fighters, we would come across as less of a threat.

The sun started to set in the west, and the family gathered to say their good-byes. Jasper headed south, while Rosalie and Emmett headed north. I put my arm around Alice giving her a reassuring, comforting squeeze. Ever the eternal optimist she clapped her hands and did a little shriek.

"Alright! Let's see about making you two look old and haggard."

I was taken aback by her little outburst, but then I caught her thoughts and quickly realized her actions conflicted with her thoughts. She was terrified for Jasper, and this was how she was dealing with it. So how could I protest?

"You weren't kidding about the slumber parties and girl talk, were you?" I chuckled and ruffled her hair.

"Nope! See? I really do _know_ things!" She tapped the side of her head and curtly smiled at me. _This is just the beginning!_ Her thoughts sang to me while she spun on her heel back to the house.

.

CARLISLE STEADILY DROVE THE jeep through the large corrugated metal gate that blocked the way to the compound. Two men, neither of us recognized, were stationed on either side of the road holding each of the gates open. They said they had been expecting us and welcomed us with giant and enthusiastic smiles, and even referred to Carlisle as "Doc." The news of us had spread, that much was apparent.

We had packed Emmett's jeep full of more supplies to deliver, hoping the jeep would be less intimidating than one of the Humvees. We left a few hours after dawn, with Alice and Esme waving us off, both with devilish gleams in their eyes. Their thoughts were masked to me, each of them reciting gibberish to hide their sinister plans. Carlisle had given them both a stern eye, but they just waved him off and told him to mind his own business.

Carlisle knew the way, and I insisted he drive. He was the one who had made the arrangements for the people of Forks. I knew we were heading toward an old abandoned airfield that was used back in the 1950's between Forks and Port Angeles. At the time of construction, the eccentric, over-the-top Nationalist who was building it had been a little paranoid and demanded an underground bunker be built into the side of the nearby, low-lying mountain. A hangar was supposedly built to cover its entrance. Carlisle had paid a heavy price for this piece of land, but at the time, money was not something any of us had been concerned about.

As we drove up the remaining stretch of road to the airfield, we were both silent in anticipation. I could see small columns of smoke swirling together up over the horizon ahead of us, possibly made from numerous fires.

"That's a lot of fires," I stated the obvious.

"It seems Charlie might have been a bit modest in his estimations. That looks like enough smoke for more than just a small village." Just as he finished speaking, we turned a bend and we were astounded at the scene that lay before us.

"You've got to be kidding me," I said flabbergasted and unable to form anything else coherently.

We could see the main hangar off in the distance, which must have been the center of the "town," for that's exactly what it was.

Carlisle's thoughts immediately went to his earlier days, before I even existed, Old New York and when he had first arrived. _'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free…'_

From the main point of the hangar, the old airfield was littered with small structures, almost like shacks from a shanty town. But these shacks were not run-down in the slightest. They were well maintained and what looked to be well-insulated from the bitter cold temperatures. Each one colorfully decorated with its own unique style.

This was definitely not something we had expected. We had visited countless Districts throughout our travels and all of them were founded on existing cities or towns. But here, everything was founded on new ground, built from the ground up with only the odd structure larger than the others. Each one was symmetrical in size and shape, but each one decorated differently, I could only assume to the owner's taste. It was a colorful array of wonder and absolutely breathtaking. We had become so used to a colorless world, filled with dull grays and blacks, but this site was so welcoming and lively, almost as if we had entered some kind of munchkin land, without the munchkins.

We both sat up straight in our seats in silent awe, neither one of us had ever witnessed anything close to this. The jeep idled noisily, blocking out the sounds outside while people bustled around us carrying on business as usual. And from what we could tell for the most part, with smiles on their faces, very unlike the Districts where every day was a struggle to survive.

What Charlie had managed to do here, was nothing short of miraculous.

We were snapped out of our daze by a sharp knock to Carlisle's window. A young man in his early twenties was leaning against the side mirror of the jeep and grinning like a fool. Carlisle hit the window button, cautiously smiling in return.

"You must be the 'Doc,'" he said cheerfully, and Carlisle could only nod in response.

"Chief said to tell you to head on up to the clinic if I saw you." He pointed up to the large building off in the distance, confirming what we initially thought to be the hangar.

"Should we leave the jeep here?"

"Oh no, there's a road around the other side of Mrs. Preston's garden, right there." He pointed to a pink building, with a little vegetable garden beside it. "It will lead you straight to it."

"Thank you."

"My pleasure." He smiled. His thoughts shifted to apple juice. He was a friend of Seth's and he'd heard all about their visit.

"Hold up a second, Carlisle." I stopped his hand that had moved to the gear shift and reached behind me in one swift movement. Grabbing a can of the foul golden liquid that Alice had packed, I passed it to Carlisle.

"Hey, kid!" I yelled out the window and he stopped, turning back toward us. Carlisle tossed him the can and we could both hear the blood pumping through his body in excitement as he realized what it was. But Carlisle had started to drive before he even gave the kid a chance to thank us.

We pulled up outside of the hangar, its enormous door was open and inside it was teeming with people. Charlie was out in front ready to greet us with a radio in one hand, while the other was trying to calm a gaggle of young children jumping up and down excitedly around him. Their screams and shouts were all for us, even though in their heads they were conflicted and desperately trying to behave after the scolding Charlie had given them moments before our arrival. Their thoughts were focused on the colorful pieces of "chocolate" Seth had shared with them yesterday. Charlie hushed them with a stern look and I heard whispers of "Candy-man" floating around in their minds. Despite their best efforts, they were still vibrating in anticipation. Carlisle and I couldn't help but laugh.

 _Rosalie would love this,_ Carlisle thought. _I wish she was here to see this._

He turned off the jeep and gave me one last look. "Alice did a thorough job. You've aged," he joked, clearly in high spirits.

I took a brief look in the visor mirror and I had to agree with him. She added a few years, not enough to look unnatural, but enough to satisfy suspicions. With the ball cap I was wearing, it was enough to hide my unruly hair, and enough to keep me from standing out. Alice had done the same for Carlisle, but his age was a little more pronounced. "I can say the same to you, _old man_ ," I mused in return.

 _Are you ready for this?_ Carlisle looked at me, eyebrows raised in question.

I took a deep breath, smiling genuinely for the first time in a long time. "Not really, but it's too late to turn back now."


	13. Fortune Favors the Brave

**CHAPTER 12**

**-:- Fortune Favors the Brave -:-**

* * *

**2016 -:- Present Day**

We exited the vehicle and were immediately surrounded by the little munchkins jumping up and down around us, buzzing with excitement. _It's a good thing Jasper isn't here, although it would have been quite entertaining to watch him react to this kind of stimulation._ Carlisle was definitely having a good time with all this, and I smirked a little, knowingly.

"Hey! What did I tell you? You, kids, leave the good Doctor and his son alone. Come on now, give them some breathing room," Charlie reprimanded the children, and I smiled again at his choice of words.

The kids quieted down immediately, reacting to Charlie's tone of authority, and a few muffled 'Aww's' escaped their mouths in disappointment.

"Go on now. Get. Go see Auntie Sue. I smelled some baking earlier, maybe she has something for you." That seemed to perk them up, and they ran off in the direction we had come from.

"Sorry about that. Seth gave then some of the chocolate you packed, and it seems they've acquired a taste for it. I'm kind of glad we don't have chocolate here on a regular basis, those kids were hyper all day." He chuckled a little and I saw an image of a lean, older, handsome woman with long black hair with silver streaks yelling at some kids with a baseball in one hand, and a piece of glass in the other. I silently exhaled trying not to laugh. I didn't want him to know I was privy to the image of what I had assumed to be Sue, his wife.

Charlie stretched his hand out in welcome to Carlisle and then to me. "Thank you so much for coming. Edward, I'm glad you decided to join your dad. I think Seth might be a little disappointed that Emmett's not here though." Charlie quickly glanced at my appearance, then at Carlisle's and questioned his own sanity a little bit. _It must be the light, I could have sworn_ … His thoughts trailed off and he frowned, confused by our appearance, but didn't feel the need to question it further.

Neither Carlisle nor I had spoken yet, but we could both tell how nervous Charlie was as he continued to ramble.

"I'm afraid Seth had a few stories to share when we came back, that kid sure can talk, so news of your visit has set everyone abuzz. We don't get too many visitors and an actual Doctor, well, that's more than any of us could hope for. Of course, some of them remember you and were pleased to hear of your return." _Well, most were…._

I noticed Charlie's thoughts were fragmented; I was only seeing bits and pieces of his mind, something I was sure he was aware of and was hiding things purposely. I had managed to catch a glimpse of an angry Billy Black in his head, and Charlie immediately looked at me knowing I had seen it.

"Well, I suppose not everyone is happy about your return, I'm sure you're aware. There's always been bad blood there with the La Push folks. They're just stubborn, and like to hold grudges. They've promised to keep their distance today. I've never asked what happened between all of you, and I don't want to know. It's none of my business, well, unless it becomes my business." He raised his eyebrows at us and pursed his lips together. We could only nod our head in agreement, knowing this was definitely not the time to bring up the Quileutes with Charlie.

I think that was the most we had ever heard Charlie speak. We could see how much he had changed in the last decade. He was a true leader, that much was certain. He was excited to have us here, and his thoughts wavered on pride as well, as they should have.

"Charlie, this is…" Carlisle struggled for words, "nothing short of miraculous, what you've done here," he said, mirroring my thoughts from earlier. "We've never seen anything like it. We've been to countless Districts, all with problems and difficulties. But you've–you've created a real community here."

Charlie blushed deeply, and for the first time, I realized that this was a trait that Bella and her father had shared. I smiled genuinely at my revelation.

"It really is wonderful, Charlie." My voice almost seemed to crack from disuse.

He was embarrassed by our praise and took off his ball cap, rubbing his hair before placing the hat back on his head. "Well, let me show you around, then," he said, clearing his throat with his head down toward the tarmac.

He started off by explaining to us how they had managed initially in the bunker, which from the sounds of it was not very well. There were a good number of people who had listened and believed Charlie and Harry Clearwater, and there were a good number who didn't. Eventually, some of the ones who didn't, made their way to the bunker, but the damage was done, and they had been exposed to the radiation, but Charlie never turned anyone away. The harsh winter came, and they weren't prepared for it. They lost a large number of people within the first year. Charlie's face ghosted with pain as he talked about the first year. It weighed heavily on him, that much was apparent.

He continued to talk of their struggles in the first year and how hopeless and desperate everyone had become. People became restless, angry even, and they had been on the brink of several uprisings with people trying to take control of the food supplies. After Harry died the day of the bombs, Charlie put it in his head that he never wanted to be a leader, but was eventually forced into it unwillingly.

Life became unbearable for most, but when the first child to be conceived and delivered healthy since the bombs came into the world, hope had triumphed over despair and new life was bred into everyone. It was after her birth when life really began again for the people of Forks and La Push. They began to plan for the future and prepare for the long hard winters that were sure to come, life continued to grow.

Carlisle interrupted him as we walked in amongst the buildings. "Why stay here? Why not go back into town?"

Charlie thought for a moment about the question, we waited patiently for his answer taking in all the sites around us.

"Fear mostly, I suppose. We didn't know what to expect. No power, no heat, people found comfort in numbers, I guess. A few left, but eventually came back, or they gave up, and just stopped living."

We continued our tour along the makeshift streets in between the small, colorful dwellings. Charlie began to point out certain structures and explained their way of life here. We walked past a small building that served as a church, and beside it another small structure Charlie explained was, surprisingly, a synagogue. He mentioned they had an area for laundry, stables, an auto shop, and even a general store. Everything was shared; there was no monetary value for anything, but they used a barter system, trading items and labor fairly. There was a zero tolerance policy, and it was policed by a man named Sam Uley.

"We have generators and electricity, but we reserve it for special occasions, and where it's needed, like at the clinic. We even have plumbing of sorts. Strictly for washing up of course. The water is carried away down from the main area from each house." He pointed to any area off in the distance which almost looked like 'holding ponds' for sewage. "The system can't handle solids, if you know what I mean, but we have general area outhouses for that. It's not the most ideal situation and many people gripe about missing comforts, but it's a good life if not a simple one," Charlie explained, casually.

This was such a huge contrast to some of the Districts. They were getting better, but initially there was no plumbing whatsoever, and people just discarded waste and refuge wherever they could, which always resulted in the most horrific smell that none of us could ever get used to. But here, the air was relatively clean. There were the typical smells you would expect when any large number of people lived this closely to one another, but for the most part, it was very tolerable even for our heightened senses.

We were standing outside of a relatively large building. If I didn't already know it was a school from all the distracted minds inside, I probably could have guessed from the clichéd bright red color it was painted, and I said as much to Charlie.

"Want to take a look inside? They won't mind." He opened the door and told us to go ahead.

I walked through the door and stole a peek around the corner. The three of us stood quietly at the back of the room listening and observing while a young woman, with her back to us, wrote on the chalkboard. The room was filled with boys and girls under the age of sixteen, all of them eager in their minds, but distracted nonetheless.

I recognized the first stanza of the poem she was writing out on the board. It was a favorite of mine and fairly resonant to the time. The woman hesitated for a second on one of the lines. She had no book to go by, strictly relying on memory and was silently cursing herself for forgetting the words. Amused by her choice of colorful words, I felt compelled to help her out. Not because the children were getting restless, and a few were snickering at her expense, but because her inner voice seemed vaguely familiar to me.

" _With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom,"_ I offered her, curious to find out who she was.

Her hand stilled on the chalkboard as did her breath. Every one of the children snapped their heads around following my voice.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," I apologized, a little embarrassed at the attention.

The woman slowly turned around, and I felt the corners of my mouth turn up in amusement as I recognized the woman's face. Angela Weber, a beautiful, older and very pregnant Angela Weber, cracked an enormous grin, and I couldn't help but smile in return. Angela had become a teacher, and it suited her tremendously. I looked around the room at the vibrant drawings and paintings up on the walls and the bright faces looking back at me. Once again, for the second time today, Carlisle's thoughts turned to Rosalie, while mine remembered another time, and another school…

**2006 -:- Past Memories**

THE MAP—I STOOD in front of the concrete wall, unable to tear my eyes away. _So much red_ _…_ _so much destruction._ Esme had spent the last hour going over what she had done with all the information she had received over the past weeks.

She had tried her best to keep busy in the first week. With the map and the radio, and between the animals and the garden, her fears were kept at bay. But into the second week, she still hadn't heard from any of the others, and her fear continued to grow. She maintained the animals, kept them fed and milked the goats, discarding the precious milk as well as the eggs from the chickens. She was devastated to have to waste so much food when she knew others were probably in desperate need, but she was too terrified to venture outside.

I listened intently as she recounted her days to me, telling me she tried to leave several times, but day after day, she came up with excuse after excuse. 'One more day, Edward will wake up. One more day and they will be back. If I leave, they'll come back and I'll miss them. If I leave, what if I don't come back? Who'll care for the animals … for Edward?'

The days wore on, and before long, she was sedentary, rooted by her terror. So instead of opening the door, she tended to the animals and her garden, and me, while sinking further and further into despair.

Doing her best with what little information was passed through the radio, she had color-coded the map with her findings. Right after the attacks the radio was abundant with chatter. People were desperately asking for help and news of other parts of the country. As the weeks went by, the chatter slowly dissipated to almost non-existent. She convinced herself they were tired of hearing of all the death and destruction like she was, or they were conserving their dying batteries. From the looks of the map, I was fairly certain the effects of the radiation had started to set in, and it wasn't just the batteries that were dying or dead.

Red was just as I thought, a direct hit, and seemed to be concentrated around the larger cities of North America, particularly New York, Los Angeles, Washington D.C., and other parts of Mexico and Canada. More red was focused around notable power stations, thermal, hydro and of course nuclear. What was shocking to me though was the random red that covered the entire Eastern Seaboard, almost as if it was dripping with blood. There was no way that many bombs had been dropped, and Esme confirmed my speculations.

They weren't direct hits, but rather nuclear storage facilities. She wasn't certain if her dots were accurate, but she was fairly sure they would have suffered the same fate as Illinois. The failing electrical grids, caused by the strategically placed bombs, resulted in a rolling blackout. Without electricity, the cooling pools filled with spent fuel had catastrophic meltdowns. These nuclear disasters that occurred were far more devastating than any of the bombs that were initially dropped, and the Atlantic Seaboard was riddled with red.

Beyond the red, was a sea of yellow—areas directly affected by the nuclear radiation. This extended from Maine down to Florida to Texas up to North Dakota, and everywhere in between. Unless people had found proper nuclear fallout shelters, their survival was highly unlikely.

The blue seemed to focus on the western states, such as Utah, Wyoming and Idaho. States free of nuclear reactors. Esme had assumed that as long as the population managed to find adequate shelter, they could avoid the radiation for the most part and had a greater chance of survival.

That left the grey, which had been colored from Arizona up to Washington, and what she considered to be 'unknown.' There had been no reports other than those after the initial bombs that had been dropped on the Hoover Dam and Los Angeles. My eyes slowly traced a trail from the bottom of the map, along the coast and settled just below a red dot that was formally Vancouver. Everything else was gray, there was no word as to how Washington fared. I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer, hoping that Charlie had listened to us.

I felt a tender touch on my shoulder as Esme joined me, standing alongside me in front of all the devastation and death. The world as we knew it, no longer existed—our family could possibly have joined the world's fate. The two of us faced some very big decisions, and the first step for me was convincing Esme to open that large metal door that had kept her caged in dread and possibly denial for the last four weeks.

Looking into her eyes, I could see in the dim light they were rimmed with black, and I finally broke the silence. "You need to eat."

"You're one to talk. It's been over four weeks for you." She laughed at my admonishment.

"Alright then, let's see if we can stomach whatever it is Carlisle has us housing back there, and then we'll tackle that door," I said flippantly, trying to make light of the prospect of going outside.

I felt her freeze for a moment and her thoughts became erratic and her feet were rooted to the ground. I protectively put my arm around her forcing her to the doorway, and casually discussed the possible menu.

"Chickens? Really? And rabbits? Well, that's hardly appetizing, is it? We'll need to open that door because you know how I feel about domestic animals, they all taste like chicken."

She was extremely quiet as we went about our business, getting our fill of the smaller animals as much as they could provide us. I decided it was a good as time as any to discuss Carlisle and where he could possibly be.

"By looking at the map of Illinois, I take it … it was hit pretty hard," I stated the obvious. She just nodded her head, not looking at me as she milked the goats that were ready to burst from the lack of our attention.

"Then I would bet he's at one of the hospitals. You know he wouldn't be able to resist helping where he could. If the radiation doesn't affect us, then his help would be instrumental, especially when the other doctors started getting sick," I finished quietly.

"But why would he leave us with no word, leave me? I just can't fathom what would keep him from checking in," she implored desperately, placing a shaking hand over her mouth.

"Well, we're going to find out, and we'll open that door and search every part of what's left of the city. That's the only thing we have to go on right now. Let's find him, and then we'll worry about the others. We at least have a starting point for Carlisle. Okay?" I watched her continue to milk the goat, and the situation we were in seemed so absurd that I actually laughed a little and forgot the past five weeks and all that it encompassed.

"What?" she snapped back at me.

"You're _milking a goat_ , Esme. Doesn't that seem a little unreal?" I asked incredulously.

She stopped for a second, leaning away from the goat and huffed emphatically, forcing the hair away from her forehead. It really was comical to watch: 'my mother,' who was always so well put together, sitting on a stool, leaning over a metal pail while a goat bleated its annoyance at her.

 _I'll tell you one thing, he better be injured, or I'll make damn sure that he is when I see him._ She was just as irritated as the disgruntled goat she continued to milk.

.

WE FINISHED UP WHAT we needed to do and filled our packs with water and food and as many medical supplies that we thought would be useful. I drafted a note to the others, letting them know where we had gone, on the off chance they came back while we were out. Esme insisted we each take a radio in case of an emergency and we were separated. The three missing radios were the ones Rose, Alice and Emmett had taken, which meant Jasper and Carlisle had left without one, but it didn't really matter at this point, the batteries would have died out by now.

I quickly glanced around the room one last time, wondering for a brief moment if we would be back. Deciding it was now or never, I grasped the metal wheel giving it a tug to the left and heard the locking mechanism release. Turning my head, I searched out Esme, who was standing a few feet from me with an anxious look on her face.

"Ready?" I asked her, but all she could do was bite her lip in response. Reaching my hand out to her, she interlocked her fingers with mine, and I said reassuringly, "I'll never leave your side."

The first thing that assaulted us as the door swung open was the pungent stench of rot and burning rubber. We were still underground, but our heightened senses amplified everything, and I could only imagine what it would smell like on the surface. I pulled out extra cloths from my pack and handed a piece to Esme, telling her to wrap it around her nose and mouth, while I did the same. We didn't need to breathe, but it would help when we needed to talk to each other.

We made our way to the surface, blindly feeling along the darkened tunnel. I had no memory of this place, so I was relying on Esme to guide me to the surface. We knew it would be dark outside; we had timed it so it would be twilight to avoid the possibility of sunlight. Esme directed me to a stairwell that pointed up, and I led the way slowly and cautiously, listening for any sounds above. The burning smell was more concentrated the closer we got, and the growing heat caused me to believe that fires were still burning after all this time.

At the top of the stairs, I paused in front of the door for a moment, turning to study Esme. Her thoughts had taken a different direction from moments ago. She was firm in her resolve, and the brave, courageous Esme was back. She had abandoned her fears, and the only thing she was thinking about as we ascended were all the lives that had been lost. She was tired of cowering behind this door. My heart actually felt like it swelled a little, knowing that she was here with me, that I was here for her, and we were going through this together.

 _I'm okay,_ she confirmed and I smiled, giving her the encouragement she needed.

Putting my hands against the door, I realized it was giving off some heat. "I think there is or was a fire nearby. Do you know what kind of structure was on top of the bunker?"

"Nothing really. We're under an overpass from the El Train, not much around us. There shouldn't be anything to burn, it's fairly remote."

I pushed my shoulder against the door, and it wouldn't budge. Esme moved closer and between the two of us we managed to bend the metal door at the top, enough to be able to see what was blocking us from getting out. It was a mess of twisted steel and concrete obstructing our way.

"I'm going to have to pull the door in toward us. There's too much to get through," I explained, gently moving her to the side. And with one wrenching pull, the door came away from its hinges with a screeching cry that filled the night air. We stood still, listening for any indication someone had heard us. But it was eerily silent, almost like a winter's night when the snow falls and everything is insulated by the large flakes.

Climbing up through the steel girder that had fallen in front of the door, I turned to help Esme, reaching down and pulling her up in one swift movement. We stood atop of the beam, questioning everything we had planned these past few hours. There was nothing left, and the idea of trying to find any of them in _this_ was extremely daunting. The sky was completely void of light; no stars or moon or city lights. The only glow was coming from the smoldering fires scattered across what was left of the city. The bitter stench was much more concentrated and the decay more potent. We both coughed and retched, not just from the smell but from the ash as well. It was everywhere, falling, floating in the sky, and a thick layer covered every inch of every surface. The city had burned to ash, or better yet, the world had burned to ash. It was nothing you could ever imagine in your wildest dreams, and Esme's resolve started to wane.

 _How is it still burning? It's been weeks. It's not possible._ Esme's disbelief rang out in my mind.

"It's possible. If the whole city burned, new fires would spread over time, especially with no one to put them out. All of this," I pointed to the crumbled overpass that had blocked the entrance to the bunker, "must have happened after they left."

"I'm not sure if that's supposed to be comforting," she said, picking up a handful of ash in her hands and rubbing it between her fingers. "That would imply that most of the destruction happened while they were out here, Edward."

"Okay," I said, not wanting to give in to her thinking. "We stick to the original plan. You said we were South Side, so we just have to head north, closer to downtown, and work our way outward, hitting up the areas we know had hospitals. Looking at all this … this…" I stumbled to find the right word, but came up empty. "I'm sure that's where Carlisle is." _He has to be_ , I finished silently.

.

WE HAD BEEN WALKING for over an hour, trying to wade through the ash and debris, stopping every so often to listen for any signs of life. So far, we had not come across anything. The area of the city we were in was pretty much leveled and abandoned. It had been slow going even with our ability to leap over all kinds of obstructions, as there were no streets or visible pathways, so it was tough to gauge which way we were headed. As we continued to walk, we noticed the fires were dying out and there was some semblance of buildings. The area we were walking into was not as heavily hit, that much we could tell. Off in the distance to my left, I thought I recognized the sound of twisting metal, similar to what Esme and I had just experienced with the door to the bunker. I grasped her hand, a silent gesture for her to stop.

 _What is it?_ she asked, alarmed.

I shook my head in return, turning it to the left hoping to hear the sound again. We waited for a few minutes, both holding our breath anxiously, and then it came again. It was unmistakable, twisting, screeching metal on metal. I motioned to her silently that we should head in the direction of the sound and check it out. We followed as best we could, stopping every so often to try and hone in on the direction it was coming from.

As we got closer, I started to hear the incoherent, hysterical ramblings of someone on the brink of despair. My eyes widened in surprise as I realized whose thoughts they were. Esme stopped suddenly, picking up on my distress, and rubbed my arm waiting for me to explain. But this was not something I was prepared to share in words with her. Listening intently, I couldn't help the pain that etched across my face.

 _Dogs_ _…_ _must save them_ _…_ _never stood a chance. Save them_ _…_ _bury them_ _…_ _rest_ _…_ _so tiny_ _…_ _alone_ _…_ _all alone_ _…_ _the smell_ _…_ _Oh God, the smell._ It was the same thing over and over again, and the images along with her words caused me to cry out with grief for her. Tiny shoes, backpacks, books, tiny hands and then the horror of packs of dogs ripping apart decomposing flesh.

"Edward, you're scaring me. What is it?" Esme begged.

"It's Rosalie," I said, regretfully pointing up ahead to where the sounds were coming from. From what I could tell from the images in her mind, she had been moving debris from a toppled building, digging her way through the rubble and lying to herself that she would hopefully find survivors.

Esme sobbed a sigh of relief, but it was short-lived when she looked into my sad eyes. She took off running in Rosalie's direction without a second glance back at me. Her thoughts were full of questions and concerns as she blindly ran toward the noise.

"Esme, wait!" I called out, running after her hoping to catch her before she reached her. I didn't want her to see Rosalie this way. Esme had been through enough, but I should have known better than to try and keep a mother from her child.

The night sky was completely dark, and we were relying on our keen eyesight to guide us over what we assumed had been streets. It seemed to take forever, and Esme's thoughts were frantic about reaching Rosalie. I took her hand in mine, not to stop her, but to reassure her that we would get there and that I was with her.

The sounds from earlier had stopped, and Rosalie's thoughts became quiet, but I knew we were close. I yelled out to her, knowing she would hear us, and Esme followed my lead.

"I need to put them to rest," I heard her quiet, broken voice break through the silence of the night.

Immediately, we took off in the direction it was coming from. Jumping up on what I thought must have been a bus, I could see her crumpled form in the darkness. She was sitting against a toppled brick wall, her head was down, and her arms covered herself as if she was trying to hold herself together.

 _They're all dead. Everyone's dead_ _…_ _and the dogs_ … she started to rock herself back and forth, and a low, sorrowful sound emitted from her chest.

Esme gasped, jumping down and ran to her, wrapping her up in her arms, and soothing her with sounds and murmurs of love. I watched from my perch up above, knowing I should go to them, but I couldn't, my legs wouldn't move. I tried to take a deep breath, but the air was suffocating, and the pain in my chest felt as if it was going to rip me in two. Bending down, I wrapped my arms around my knees and watched Esme and Rosalie, trying to get my head around the scene in front of me.

Rosalie was hardly recognizable. Her golden hair was black with soot, as was her skin, and her clothes were shredded to pieces and barely hanging on. But her face was the most shocking and unfamiliar to me. I was so used to the hard-nosed, statuesque, beautiful Rosalie, whose expression was rarely anything but sour. But this woman in front of me was anything but that. She was broken and shaken and something else I never thought I would see … fragile.

A million questions tumbled around in my head, as did Esme's, and from Rosalie's thoughts, she was just starting to comprehend that Esme was real and holding her in her arms.

"Esme?" she choked out, "is it really you?" She sobbed a sigh of relief grasping tightly to Esme's neck. "You'll help me, won't you?" she asked, and Esme looked to me in confusion, still not aware of what Rosalie had been doing.

_Edward, what does she mean? Help her with what?_

This was my cue, my legs finally connected with my brain, and I managed to jump down and slowly walk toward them, cautiously, not wanting to overwhelm Rosalie.

"Rosalie, we'll help you. We promise," I said, bending down to hold her hand.

"E-Edward?" she asked in disbelief, unsure if her eyes were playing tricks on her. "Is Emmett with you?" she said in a childlike voice.

"No, honey, we were hoping you could tell us where he is," Esme answered.

"He told me to go back, to go to the bunker, and tell you what happened. He went after Jasper, with Alice. He didn't want you to be left alone. I was on my way … but…" she trailed off and the same distant, fragile look from before crossed her face again.

"But what, honey? What?" Esme tried to coax Rosalie.

I knew she wouldn't be able to tell Esme in her own words the reason why she never made it back to the bunker, so I explained as best I could from what I had managed to gather from her thoughts. Rosalie _had_ been on her way back to the bunker while Alice and Emmett continued tracking Jasper. Emmett wanted Rosalie to go back and be with Esme since they had no way of contacting her since the radios had died.

She had come across a school that had collapsed under all the aftermath of the explosions. Knowing schools were being used as shelters, she ventured a little closer and could hear people trapped inside, families with children.

"She dug them out, Esme," I said reverently, "but none survived." I shook my head slightly, watching Rosalie's defeated form, huddled and shaking in Esme's arms. The images of her dragging the tiny, broken bodies of children out from underneath the rubble would haunt us both for eternity. She had laid them out, hoping to find one person still breathing, but her efforts were futile. She spent the remainder of the day sitting alongside the dead, mourning them until nightfall.

"Wild dogs came…" I spoke softly, knowing Esme would understand. All she could do was soothe Rosalie's dry sobs with hushed words. Starving wolves and abandoned dogs from the countryside were scavenging their way across the city in search of food, and the bodies were easy pickings for the wild pack. She fought them off, killing them before they had a chance to reach the bodies, but more came, until eventually she worked through the night, burying each of the bodies, laying them to rest.

We sat in silence for some time, allowing Rosalie to grieve in the comfort of our arms. This woman, my sister, was one of the strongest people I had ever known, and I had taken her enormous heart for granted all these years. I had refused to see the compassion buried deep within her tenacity, and now I mourned alongside her. For all that I had lost, that she had lost, for what _we all_ had lost, we grieved together.

"They're just babies. They shouldn't have to suffer in death too," she whispered, her voice was hollow, void of any emotion.

I sighed deeply, knowing it was going to be a challenge getting her to come back with us to the bunker. She had spent the last few weeks roaming the city looking for schools and buildings, burying the dead.

"I know, Rose, we'll try," I said, lifting her chin so she would know I was speaking the truth. "But you can't save them all."

She looked so delicate, so sad, and I ached for the old Rosalie. The one who would have stood up, brushed herself off, all the while telling me what an ass I was for making the family suffer. She was gone, and I never thought I would say this, but I needed her. So until she could make her way back to us, it was up to me to fill her shoes. I lifted her up, cradling her in my arms.

"We're going to take you back to the bunker and get you cleaned up." She started to protest, but I stopped her short. "Don't argue, you need a change of clothes, and you need to feed, and you need a shower." I tried to joke with her, but it fell flat, and Esme looked at me with eyebrows raised.

 _Edward_ _…_ Esme started to reprimand me, but my words seemed to comfort Rosalie, and she wrapped her arms around me, burying her face in my neck.

.

ESME HAD SPENT THE past hour washing and cleaning Rosalie, and all that time, she still had not spoken another word. Esme sat on the purple couch while Rosalie was in front on the white carpet, sitting between her legs. She was running a brush through Rosalie's freshly shampooed hair, the blonde catching bits of light from the single bulb in the middle of the room. She stared straight ahead at nothing in particular while Esme's hand continued to pull through the long strands of her golden hair. I watched their routine, almost hypnotized by the motion, but Rosalie's voice brought me back to the surface.

"Where's Carlisle?" she asked, finally breaking her silence.

"We don't know," I said, "it's been weeks since Esme's heard anything."

My declaration seemed to bring Rosalie back to life a little, and she questioned my words.

"That's not possible," she said shaking her head back and forth, causing Esme to stop in mid-stroke. "We saw him. We met up with him at one of the hospitals. He told Emmett to send me back and said he would be right behind me." She looked at me confused and concerned that Carlisle never made it back.

Rosalie gave me a general idea of where they had found Carlisle and I was determined to go and find him. It was exactly what we had suspected. He had been working at a hospital lending his expertise and help anywhere it was needed. It was a difficult task trying to convince Esme that I was going to have to leave her and Rosalie, but in the end, she knew it was the only way. Rosalie was not ready to go outside again, and she couldn't be left alone. She made me make another promise to her though, to return and to check in on the radio every hour on the hour. I conceded to her stipulations and set off alone, to find the one person who could put this family back together.


	14. The Darkest Hour is Just Before the Dawn

**CHAPTER 13**

**-:- The Darkest Hour is Just Before the Dawn -:-**

* * *

**2016 -:- Present Day**

Edward Cullen!" Angela Weber said in complete surprise.

I was snapped back to the present by the sound of her voice, and I watched the kids swivel their heads back and forth between the two of us in awe. Their thoughts came rushing in, and I tried to focus and single them out, some had heard of the 'infamous Cullens,' whatever that meant.

"Class, I think it's time for an early lunch, what do you say?"

"Yes!" they all screamed in unison jumping up from their seats, the odd exchange between their teacher and the strange man at the back of the room easily forgotten. They ran out of the room with muttered greetings of "Hey, Chief," to Charlie, who in turn warned them to stay out of trouble.

"Hello, Mrs. Cheney. How are you feeling today?" Charlie addressed her.

"I may be married, but I'm not old! I told you to stop calling me that, _Chief_." She laughed, placing a hand on top of her protruding belly, rubbing it unconsciously. "I'm about to burst here, can't wait for this to be over."

"I'll stop calling you ol' lady Cheney when you start calling me Charlie, deal?"

I listened to the baby's heartbeat, as did Carlisle, while Charlie and Angela continued to banter. It was strong and healthy, and Carlisle debated how far along she was, and guessed about eight months. I was a little surprised to hear of Angela's marriage, but only a little, she and Ben had always been so compatible and always so kind to Bella. She was positively glowing, and I was glad I had played a part in their relationship all those years ago.

"You remember Doctor Cullen and Edward, then?" Charlie prompted.

"Yes, of course. This whole place has been buzzing with the news of your return, myself included. Thanks for helping me out back there. I have that poem memorized, but this baby seems to muddle my brain sometimes." She blushed, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

"So, Ben…." I prompted her, hoping to hear a little more about the two of them.

"Yeah." She rolled her eyes, patting her belly.

"Speaking of that husband of yours, I haven't seen him since early yesterday."

"Ugh, yes," she said, sighing. "He went with Tyler early this morning to the North lot. Something about the solar panels. The boys want to make sure everything's all perfect, you know?" She raised her eyebrows and tilted her heard in our direction and Charlie nodded in understanding, but the gesture was lost on me and Carlisle. She picked up on our confusion and explained for our benefit.

"When they heard you were coming to visit, they became a little paranoid. They really wanted to impress you with what they've done. You, ' _Cullens_ ,' are a bit of a legend around here to some. You gave us the tools, the foundations, and _this,"_ she waved her hands in the air, "all started because of you. We're alive, because of you, well and the Chief too." She smiled warmly at Charlie and he in turn blushed again and looked a little uncomfortable with the attention and praise.

"You remember Tyler, Edward?" he said trying to deflect any further talk of his successes. "Oh, of course you would, he was the one who almost killed you and Bella with his van…" The sentence hung in the air awkwardly.

Carlisle, ever the diplomat, turned to Angela trying to relieve the tension. "How far along are you, Mrs. Cheney?"

"Oh, it's Angela, please, Dr. Cullen." She laughed. "I'm eight months and want it out now. It's getting hard to reach the chalkboard!"

"Well the Doc, here, has promised to help over at the clinic. Not that I don't think Leah's doing a fine job, I just think she gets a little overwhelmed at times, and may need a few pointers in bedside manner." Charlie rolled his eyes and took a deep breath. I saw a flash of a scalpel and an angry young Quileute woman screaming at a large giant of a man who towered over her by a foot.

"I think everyone's heard about the incident with Embry and threatening him with a scalpel." Angela laughed.

"She sounds 'spirited,'" Carlisle said, a little afraid of what he was getting himself into.

"You have no idea," Charlie mumbled. "How about we get this over with then, and I take you to see the clinic. I promise no scalpels involved."

"Sounds good," Carlisle agreed. _This 'Leah' might do better with just one of us present. Perhaps you should stay and catch up with Angela?_

I nodded discreetly to Carlisle. If Leah was a Quileute, it probably was a good idea for only one of us to be introduced to her at first. "I think I'll stay here and catch up with Angela, if that's alright?" I raised my eyebrows in question. "If she doesn't mind, of course. I'd like to hear more about the school."

"I'd like that," she said.

Charlie and Carlisle departed and Angela gestured to two desks for us to sit. "Sorry, I need to sit for a little bit."

"Yes, of course. Can I get you anything?" But she shook her head, and her thoughts indicated as much. She was extremely hesitant to be with me. We had never spoken alone before, and she didn't know where to start the conversation.

" _Heart of Darkness_ ," I pointed to the tattered and weathered book in front of me, "that's some pretty heavy stuff," I said, trying to stay clear of the giant elephant in the room. I noticed there were only about six copies in the room, shared between twenty or more desks.

"It is, but I think it resonates a little more today than when we were studying it. Plus, we're pretty limited in the books we have. We grabbed what we could from the school, but even _that_ wasn't much." She looked up at the chalkboard, lost in her memories. "In the early days, people were burning books to stay warm in the winters, it was too cold to get wood, and the snow was too deep. It was hard those first two years." Her eyes started to water a little and she sniffed back the tears. "Ugh. These hormones!" _No wonder Ben stays out with Tyler all the time lately!_ she mocked herself.

I stood up reaching into my pocket for the handkerchief Alice had insisted I take with me. _Hmm, Alice_ was _getting better._

She collected herself and continued speaking. "I don't have much to choose from. Most people didn't exactly have works of literature in their personal libraries, and somehow I think Danielle Steel doesn't count as school curriculum."

"No," I chuckled, "I don't think it is. You know, Esme, my mother, has a stock pile of books and I know she would be so pleased if you would take them, and I promise, no Danielle Steel."

Her thoughts went immediately to Shakespeare and other books she had been desperately missing.

"She has so much Shakespeare and pushes it on all of us, so we'd be grateful if you took it off her hands," I craftily lied. "I'm a little sick of _Romeo & Juliet_."

"Really? Are you serious? I'm not sure how my students will like it, but that would be lovely. Please thank your mother for me." The tears started to swell in her eyes again. _I knew he was nice, Bella never would have fallen in love with him if he wasn't._ Her eyes held mine for a brief moment, sadness sweeping over them. "I'm really sorry, Edward. Sue told me what happened to Bella. All of us still held out hope that she was alive somewhere. We desperately wanted that for the Chief. But … at least we know now." She leaned forward and rested her hand on mine and I let her, flipping it over and lightly squeezing back.

"Oh! You're freezing! I'm sorry, is it cold in here? I wouldn't know, I get these hot flashes, I'm always too warm. I can start a fire—" she started to stand up, and I gently caught her hand.

"I'm fine. I just have poor circulation in my hands." I gave her a half smile. "Bella really liked you, Angela, and considered you one of her good friends. You were always so nice to her … to both of us. Thank you." We sat for a moment in silence, and I listened to her thoughts of Bella and her regret that she never got to know her better. I couldn't believe how much she had changed. She was still Angela, but she had this air of maturity and confidence she never had before. She had always been so timid, but I could see that she had grown past that. She must have if she was able to stand at the front of a classroom and teach.

"These kids aren't going to know what hit them," she joked. "Oh and Mr. Berty's going to be ecstatic!"

"Mr. Berty? He's here?"

"Yup, he runs the school with Mr. Banner. There are only four of us, Mike Newton is the other teacher. Remember him?"

 _Did I remember him!_ I scoffed, not realizing I had done so out loud. She laughed at me, knowing exactly why I had done so.

"I guess you would! He did always have a thing for Bella, like he was any competition though," she teased. "Even when you left…" her voice lowered, "…he still didn't stand a chance." I saw Bella in her head, empty and despondent, walking through the halls of the school. "She just wasn't the same. She loved you, I knew it wasn't just some high school crush, I knew that. I think we all did." She reached for my hand again, and spoke softly. "And you loved her."

"I did," I agreed. "Very much so." I was staring at our hands, afraid to look at her. I didn't want to ruin the moment with my pain, or my burdens, Angela deserved more than that, and I definitely didn't want her pity. Despite my efforts, her thoughts were of sympathy for both me and Charlie.

"Ouch!" She flinched, placing her hand on the left side of her belly. Alarmed, I asked her if she was alright. "Yeah, this little sucker always gets a little restless around this time of the day. He's getting hungry."

"Oh, forgive me, I've been keeping you from your lunch hour," I apologized.

"Nonsense, but I am getting a little hungry. Why don't I walk you down to the clinic. I have to see Sue about something and I'm pretty sure she'll have something for me to munch on," she said, standing up and pulling me up with her.

We made small talk along the way, and I was still astonished by how much she had changed. I made mention of her parents, but she responded quietly that they had passed on, and her thoughts saddened as she remembered them. It seems there were two schools of thought when Charlie started to muster the people of Forks and La Push—some believed him, and some didn't. Many assumed he was lonely from his daughter's departure from Forks and slowly going mad, Angela's parents were among the skeptics. Whereas Angela's family refused to entertain the crazy notions of the Chief of Police, Ben's chose to listen. They trusted Charlie despite everyone's protests, and moved their family to the bunker, taking Angela with them. Such was the case with the people of Forks, families were split in two and Angela's parents were of the many to die in the first few years from the effects of the radiation.

I couldn't tell her I knew, she hadn't offered that up to me, but I felt the desire to comfort her anyway, and reached out, gently putting my arm around her as we walked. It was an odd gesture that never would have come from me ten years ago, and I doubt she would have allowed it, but at this particular moment, it just seemed right, comfortable. We had all suffered, each of us with our _own_ story.

"It's really good to see you, Angela," I said with as much conviction as I possibly could.

She didn't flinch from my closeness like I had expected, instead, she looked up, seeking out my eyes. "You too, Edward," she said in return as her eyes started to tear again.

I had parted company with Angela, leaving her with some anxious children at the doorstep of what she explained was a communal kitchen. The children were devouring some sort of cake-like pastry with white cream filling. It looked like a crude homemade version of something I had seen Bella eat a few times, and sure enough, I heard the children asking for another Twinkie. I continued to walk toward the hangar, amused with how life had continued here. It truly was remarkable. I was almost to the hangar when my senses became alarmed as a horrific, foul smell invaded my mouth. It was thick and ripe almost as if I could taste it, and I recognized that stench from a long time ago. I spun around in all directions searching for the origin, but there was nothing I could see, I was alone. A low growl emitted from my chest sensing the present danger, and I waited, but nothing came except I could hear it.

 _Leech_ _…_ _Bloodsucker_ _…_ _you're all dead_ … The voice came to me filled with menace and hatred.

"Edward!" I turned at the sound of my name being called. "There you are! I've been looking for you. Charlie said you were at the school," Seth yelled at me from across the expanse of the lush green garden between us.

He was making his way over to me, hailing me to wait up for him. The other voice in my head was gone, along with the putrid smell that was surely associated with it. I never discovered where it was coming from, but my growling continued as I spun in a slow circle searching carefully in the shadows for the perpetrator. There was only one beast that could smell that pungent and it was forever ingrained in my memories, the Quileute _wolves_ were back.

I had to find Carlisle, and let him know of this revelation. We had both thought the wolves had died out, but they were very much alive and living in this compound, and no doubt going to cause trouble for us. The compound didn't fall on the Quileute land, so technically we weren't breaking the treaty, but I definitely had a few days ago.

"What are you doing?" Seth asked, curiously. "Lose something?" He had finally caught up to me carrying some kind of electrical circuit board that looked like it had seen better days.

I greeted Seth, shaking his hand happily disguising my sudden alarm. "No, someone. Do you know where my father is?"

"He's in the clinic, just through there." He gestured with the circuit board in his left hand. "They're waiting for you. Charlie sent me to come find you."

"What's that?" I pointed to the object in his hands.

"Ah, nothing really, just a burnt out circuit board from one of the solar panels. I'm going to try and fix it, but I'm kind of flying by the seat of my pants, you know?" He shrugged his shoulders before starting to walk toward the hangar.

I nodded my head, following behind him. "Emmett knows a thing or two about electronics. If you need some help, I'm sure he'd be happy to help," I offered. "He went with Rosalie to visit some friends of ours, but he should be back in a couple of days."

"Good to know, I might need it. This one panel keeps blowing and we can't figure out why," he smiled at me, "besides, I need a rematch on the PlayStation. I think he cheats." He let out deep bellow.

"Oh, I know he cheats. That's why we won't play with him anymore, we've had enough. He's all yours now."

We continued with the small talk for a little bit, talking about the other video games Emmett had in his library, when Seth suddenly stopped and turned to face me. From his thoughts I could tell he was closely examining me, looking for something. _I don't care what Jacob says_ … He scrutinized over the details of my face, not really sure what he was looking for. He was thinking of the conversation between Charlie and myself, back at the house.

"Listen, Edward, I don't know what kind of history you had with some of the people from La Push, I'm not going to lie, but a few are not happy about your return. And I know there is something more to everything, things have always been, well, different with them, just like you and your family. Like this whole 'reading minds' thing, can you really do that?" he asked me, his eyebrows raised waiting for me to answer.

I was just about to open my mouth, and try to explain, when he cut me off.

"Wait! I don't want to know. I don't know if I can handle the idea of you knowing what's in my head, so I'm going to stay in the dark if that's okay. I don't want things to change between us, I like you, but I won't be myself if I think you are judging me." _It's nice to have new faces around here. I'm tired of all the bull_ _. They're not so scary._

"I can live with that, Seth. And for what it's worth, our family is very happy to have met you, and you've been more than welcoming to all of us … including Rosalie," I said, trying not to reveal that I could indeed read what was in his head.

"Oh, she scares me!"

"Join the club." I laughed along with him.

"But the rest of you, not so much." He smiled in return, narrowing his eyes as he continued. "I haven't forgotten about our agreement, though. I want to hear about the other stuff, and I'll keep bugging you until I get it out of you. Your brother, Jasper, seems to know a lot about it."

I wasn't sure if I should let him know that Jasper had gone. I suppose it was only a matter of time, before he noticed his absence. Jasper could be gone for a long time.

I nodded my head. "You may not have a choice about it," I said a little more seriously. "If things continue to get worse down there, it may end up on your doorstep eventually. Everyone needs to be prepared."

His face fell for just a second, but he recovered quickly before responding. "You think that's going to happen," he stated as a matter of fact, with a deadpan expression.

"Yes," I answered truthfully, "we do. My brother, Jasper, has gone down to do some scouting around, to see how serious it is."

"Alone?" he asked, completely shocked that we would let Jasper go on his own. For a brief moment the idea of him going with Jasper crossed his mind.

"If you haven't already guessed, you know my family is … different. Jasper will be fine," I said, trying to convince myself just as much as Seth. He in turn, raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"This is another one of those things, where you're going to tell me 'when I'm ready' isn't it?" he questioned me, and I held his stare not giving anything else away to him. "Alright, but if this is going to affect this compound and all the lives in it, I have a right to know and a right to get involved." He clenched his jaw and stuck his chin out defiantly waiting for me to disagree. _I'm sick of being treated like a child, first Jacob, now this. I'll be damned if I'm going to let them leave me out of this._

"Fair enough. When the time comes when we're 'ready to share' more, you'll be involved. You have my word." I felt a little sorry for Seth, and I wasn't going to deny him his chance, especially if it had the potential to put Jacob Black's nose out of joint. That scrawny little runt had been a bit of a pain in my ass all those years ago.

Just as we were turning to head into the hangar, we were stopped by a large deafening crack, which I deduced was the sound of a shotgun. It echoed across the air, and I could hear the panicked voices of the people around us. Another shot rang out and Seth cursed under his breath, turning, he ran into the hangar at full speed, and stopped in front of a large locked cupboard.

"Where's Charlie?" he yelled at the people standing around with shocked looks on their faces as he tugged on the doors of the cupboard. No sooner than he spoke, Charlie and Carlisle rushed up from a stairwell coming out of the ground in the corner of the hangar. They were running toward the cupboard, Charlie with his keys in hand. He tossed them to Seth, who made quick work of the padlock, opening the doors to reveal a locker full of various types of guns. They grabbed the two shotguns and the shells on the top shelf, and in no time had them loaded and the cupboard locked up again.

Charlie turned to Carlisle and me, and with a dogged look on his face he said, "Stay here," running out after Seth who had already left the hangar in the direction of the gunshots.

I went to protest, but Carlisle quickly grabbed my arm with a slight shake of his head. _This isn't our fight, not this time, Edward. We can't get involved._

I didn't exactly agree with him. There was a time when I didn't trust Carlisle's words, but we had come so far since then that I simply nodded my head and agreed. Besides, I needed to tell him about the wolves which was something that couldn't wait. He was the steady rock of the family, staying calm and objective in every situation, making the decisions because he always knew what needed to be done. Well, at least these days he did, even if it hadn't always been the case…

**2006 -:- Past Memories**

_I had to find Carlisle._ That was the only thing that consumed my thoughts as I closed the door to the bunker waiting for the sound that indicated Esme had locked it behind me. Running up the stairs back to the surface, back to the ash and bitter stench and the blackened sky and smoldering fires, I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but without Esme I would be able to cover the ground a little quicker. I had a direction this time, and wouldn't have to wander aimlessly staring in horror at what was left of this beloved city of mine, the place where I was born, both as a human and a vampire.

I didn't want to think what could possibly be keeping Carlisle from Esme. He would never leave her alone willingly, especially not like this. There was a part of me that was hurting as well, the part that realized he had left me too. It had been four weeks, and he had left us to our own devices. Surely Emmett had told him about my condition, and about Jasper. Carlisle wouldn't abandon the family like that. He was the glue that held us all together, and because of him we lived as he lived. We respected him, trusted him, and would follow him anywhere, no questions asked. Our family didn't work without him, and more importantly, I didn't work without him. It was a little poignant for me that I was here in Chicago, the same place where Carlisle found me, and now I was searching him out nearly eighty-eight years later in a world that no one could have foreseen, not even Alice.

It was still slow going and I hadn't covered that much distance as the sky began to lighten at the breaking of dawn. The night sky had sufficiently kept me hidden, but it would have kept others hidden as well. The dawn would bring people out of hiding, and possibly with it, sunlight. I didn't want to take that chance, but more importantly I didn't want anything distracting me from my purpose. I had already experienced what Rosalie had experienced, even if it was through her memories, I couldn't afford to feel that kind of desperation again. My grief would have to wait. I had an objective and I needed to focus. If I let myself succumb to the sorrow again, I wouldn't be able to help my family. They were all I had left, all I cared about in this bleak world lacking of any kind of color. It was a sea of dreary, and we would quickly drown if we couldn't find a way to stay afloat. Carlisle was our lifeline. He would know what to do, at least that was what I kept telling myself as I continued to maneuver through the fallen down structures and abandoned cars.

This area of town, the area Rosalie had told me where the hospital was located, was definitely one of the least affected I had come across. The sun was safely hidden behind the world of gray, but it didn't stop people from staring at me. The dawn did bring the people out, and their skin suffered from burns and lesions, but for the most part they seemed sound. Their blood called out to me, but it was tainted. I could smell it. They had been affected by the radiation, but were yet to suffer from the full effects, and the smell of disease suppressed any urges I may have had.

It was quiet. No one spoke, not even in their minds. Just empty shells, hollow, like their eyes. They were defeated, and I understood why Rosalie had not come back to the bunker. My first instincts were to help them, save them or bring them back to the bunker for fresh water and food. My second thought was to kill them all, end their suffering because one meal, one drink, was not going to help them navigate their way in this messed up world. I chose to put my head down, like the coward I knew I was and kept walking, ignoring their hollow eyes.

We were all walking in the same direction, which I quickly realized was the way to the hospital. I could see it in the distance. Hundreds of people were camped outside in make-shift shelters, and as I got closer the residual city smell intensified. Death was definitely all around me as I made my way toward the entrance, trying to keep my head clear and my eyes down.

It had been a huge challenge getting inside, but eventually, hours later, I found someone who was willing to answer my questions. A woman had confirmed there was a doctor who fit the description of Carlisle, but there were so many people that came in and out of here she wasn't sure if he was still here. I asked her if I could go and take a look, but she was too busy to even notice and waved her hand at me impatiently.

The light from the outside was unable to filter its way into the interior hallways. It was dark and crowded with beds filled with the sick or dying, and the floor was covered with bodies that coughed vigorously in their sleep. I walked toward the only light coming from the end of the hallway, and there wasn't an inch of space to be had, apart from a narrow pathway to get up and down the hall. The smell of decay and death hung heavily in the air, turning my stomach. I could hear the whimpering thoughts of everyone in this hospital, and it was taking all of my efforts to block the misery and hopelessness from my mind. _No wonder Jasper had to leave._

I stilled for a moment in the middle of the hallway, closing my eyes, trying to focus on my breathing and trying to prevent the thoughts of the others from invading my mind. I had spent so many years trying to master this, and this was definitely a true test of my strength. It was like the buzz of static noise from a radio, and I was trying to tune into one station … my own. I flipped from channel to channel, and then I heard it, a familiar voice amongst the unknown. Carlisle _was_ here.

The doors at the end of the hallway, where the only light was emanating from, swung open and for a brief second I glimpsed a shade of blond hair I easily recognized. I wasn't prepared for this. At best, I had been hoping someone would be able to tell me they had seen him, or remembered him. I didn't expect to find him here, because that would mean he had left us by choice. Nothing was keeping him from coming back, and I wasn't sure how to process that.

I stood in front of the doors, my face peering through the glass window. He was there, just a few feet beyond the door with his back to me. I couldn't decide if I was relieved or angry, perhaps a little of both. His thoughts were strictly all business. Mentally tabulating the blood supplies, potassium iodide levels, sterile bandages imperative for the burn victims, the amount of functioning staff he had left, and how many patients were worth treating and worth the precious supplies they were desperately running out of.

I took a deep breath and pushed open the door, saying his name under my breath so only he could hear me. He snapped around, taking one look at me from head to toe, sighing in relief.

_Edward._

He was shocked to see me standing in front of him, but his thoughts revealed that he was more surprised by my attire than my appearance. When I entered the hospital, I was ordered to remove my clothing to avoid the risk of spreading residual radiation left from the fallout and contaminating anyone further. I knew that this was highly unlikely, the strength of the radioactivity had long worn off, and anyone who was going to be exposed already would have been. But who was I to argue, so I gave up my clothing in exchange for some freshly laundered hospital scrubs.

 _You've come to help. Good, we can use you. You've had more medical training than half the staff,_ he said silently, without even really looking at me. Turning his back to me, he started walking down the hall, and I had no other choice but to follow him. I needed answers from him, but it was as if he wasn't really _seeing_ me. It had been four weeks and he hadn't even thought to check in with anyone. I had never seen him like this, so relentless in his work, so uncaring, this wasn't the Carlisle I knew. I was floundering for any sense of familiarity, any sense that he truly comprehended what this meant—for me to be standing in front of him here at the hospital—but there was nothing.

"Carlisle, wait!" was about all I could manage to say. I felt like a child being scolded by a father for interrupting his busy day.

Without even realizing it, his family had fallen apart. Esme's heart was broken and she needed the comfort of her husband, but _that_ Carlisle wasn't here, he too had checked out. That was becoming very apparent and somewhat common with the lot of us, each of us coping as best we knew how.

"We need to talk," I said in a low voice. I had reached his side, grabbing hold of his elbow, and pulled him into a small supply closet that was only stocked with discarded, soiled bed sheets. It was dark, and smelled horrific, but nothing in this foul world smelled like it used to, so I pushed past it. I needed to see his face; I needed him to see mine so he would know what his absence had done to all of us. Turning on the flashlight I was carrying with me, I searched out his eyes. They were a light shade of amber—he was feeding at least—but they held a trace of annoyance, which was an emotion I had never experienced with Carlisle.

"What is it, Edward?" Carlisle answered. "Can't you see I've got my hands full here?"

"What? Is that all you have to say to me?" I asked completely astonished. It wasn't like I was expecting a joyful reunion of sorts, but I thought he would be happy to see me at least and maybe even relieved a little bit.

"What is it you were hoping me to say? Because I'll say it and then we can get back to where we're needed."

Carlisle had never hidden his thoughts from me, and this was no different, clearly he was irritated by my interruption. It was as if he had completely wiped the family from his thoughts, not even one single thought of their well-being crossed his mind, not even Esme.

"Carlisle, what has happened to you? The family needs you, it's been four weeks!" I was astounded by his lack of caring. This was not the man I had come to call 'father.'

Carlisle's head snapped up, the flashlight making his eyes glow a brighter shade of topaz, full of pain and confusion and anger.

"The family needs me? The family is _fine_. We, _our kind_ , will be _fine_. But these people, these humans, will never be fine again. Do you have any idea what I have been dealing with?" He ran his hands through his hair, sighing, and he shared with me the horrors of the past few weeks, only snippets but it was enough for me to understand him a little better. "This is just the beginning, Edward. I can't leave them, it's going to get worse, much worse," he finished quietly, before adding silently, _I'm glad you've decided to help, we need all able bodies here._

"Carlisle…" I shook my head at him, furrowing my brow in confusion. "I didn't come to help. I–I can't stay. I came to find you. We haven't heard from you in weeks…" It was my turn to run my hands through my hair in frustration. I didn't know where to even begin to explain to him what had happened. It didn't matter, I knew my efforts were going to be futile. He had already made up his mind not to come with me. Instead, in desperation, I tried pleading with him. "Esme needs you," I said, looking into his eyes, "I need you. We all do. You're the only one who can put the family back together."

"Son, listen to me, there aren't enough doctors or nurses, they need me _here_. This is where I can make a difference, you can too _."_ He desperately tried to explain, but I cut him off before he could go any further.

"Do you have any idea what has happened? We found Rosalie digging countless graves with her hands for dead children. She's a mess, Carlisle! And Esme … Esme's heart's so broken, her thoughts are filled with so much despair, and I'm worried what she'll do. She's not stable. You need to go to her, Carlisle," I said, my voice raised in frustration and anger at him for leaving them, for leaving me, but this wasn't about me anymore. "And Jasper, well…" I closed my eyes, letting out a huge sigh knowing I wasn't making a difference.

Carlisle's face showed his inner turmoil. _Jasper? And Esme? Why are you doing this to me? They'll heal_ _…_ _like you did, and Alice did. I can't help them, Edward. There's nothing for me to do, but here...I'm needed._

I put my hand on his shoulder and forced him to look into my eyes. "Carlisle, you are the only father I've known, and the strongest, most sensible and compassionate man I have ever known."

_I'm failing everyone…_

"You're not failing anyone, we just need you. We still don't know where Alice and Emmett are, they haven't checked in since they went after Jasper, and—"

"I can't, Edward. I can't leave these people. You and the others will get through this. Our kind will survive through all this," he said firmly. _It makes no sense...monsters surviving. "_ Things make sense in this hospital, this is where I'm needed. It just makes sense here."

He lowered his head and looked down at the ground. He was ashamed. Ashamed of what we were. This revelation shook me to the core. I was about to protest, but a sharp knock rapped on the door, Carlisle winced at the interruption. "Dr. Cullen? Are you in there? We need you in Trauma 2," said a deep voice from the other side of the door.

"I have to go, Son. I know you can get them through this. They just need time to heal … you of all people know that. I can't do anything more for them, not when my skills are needed here so desperately. Surely you can understand that."

"We need you. For God's sake! Can't you—"

"Do _not_ speak to me of _God!"_ he seethed, moving closer to me, pointing his finger in front of my face. "There _is_ no _God_." He was breathing heavily, his jaw clenched tightly as he continued to stare at me with frantic eyes. _For the first time in three hundred and fifty years, I have seen evidence that God does not exist._ He was inches away from my face, and I couldn't do anything but zero in on his finger which happened to be shaking ever so slightly. "This is my fault, I caused this," he said so low that I wasn't sure if I heard him correctly. I had stopped breathing, trying to register everything he had just said. There was so much pain in him, and I was completely at a loss for words. Eventually he broke our connection by turning from me and walking out of the closest, letting the door slam behind him.

I was truly lost as to what to do. To hear Carlisle speak those words, to hear his thoughts … it was not something I imagined I would ever hear in the course of our lives. Carlisle, it seemed, had given up. For the first time in a long time, the guilt of what we were was forcing its way back into his head, and he was ashamed. These feelings were usually reserved for me and it disturbed me greatly. Carlisle's faith was resolute, that was always undeniable. We had spent countless nights discussing the idea of faith and God, even though it was something I could never comprehend. He believed in God unquestioningly, and felt there was indeed a purpose to our lives in this world. That was why he became a doctor. His purpose was to help people—'a divine gift from God' he called it. He would argue with me that we still carried our souls into the afterlife and we were entitled to be judged and hopefully received like any human would be. I disagreed with him … it was what we did. _I_ was the one who thought we were damned, soulless monsters in this world, and these past weeks and all I had seen had done nothing to change my view of God, but perhaps _we,_ our kind, were no longer the only monsters in this world.

My ruminations were interrupted by the sound of static as it echoed inside the tiny closet.

"Edward, are you there? You didn't check in on the hour," Esme's voice rang through the tiny speaker of the radio.

 _What was I going to tell Esme?_ I had been gone for almost twelve hours, checking in every hour, but I had been wise not to tell her I had found him at the last check-in. Now, I couldn't possibly tell her the truth, it would break her heart knowing he didn't want to come back, not even for her. Hopefully, I could work on him, come back daily even help here in the hospital if that's what it was going to take. I could continue the façade of searching for him and she would never have to know.

"Sorry, Esme. I'm here, I got tied up." I hated lying to her, and hopefully she wouldn't be able to tell in my voice, in person it was going to be a lot more difficult to master. She could usually read me like a book.

"Where are you? Did you find him?" she asked, her voice filled with hope.

I took a deep breath, looking up to the buckling, water-stained ceiling. "No. I'm sorry, Esme." The room was deafeningly quiet as I waited for her to respond.

The static broke through, followed by her voice. "Is that you banging on the door, Edward?" She sounded relieved, but I was alarmed and quickly responded.

"No. Esme! That's not me at the door. Find out who it is and tell me before opening that door." Picking up my pack, I rushed out the door silently thinking, _Carlisle be damned,_ and ran toward the stairs to the exit. I wasn't sure how I was going to explain the hospital scrubs to Rosalie and Esme but I would think of something. There was no time to waste, Carlisle knew where we were, hopefully he would come to his senses, but right now I needed to get back to the bunker.

I heard the crackle of the radio and stopped so I could hear. "Oh thank, God! It's Emmett." She sounded excited and I smiled a little relieved myself.

"Edward, can you come back … now? We're going to need you." The tone in her voice had changed from relief to panic in mere seconds, and I let her know I was already on my way.


	15. None So Deaf as Those Who Will Not Hear

**CHAPTER 14  
**

****-:-** None So Deaf as Those Who Will Not Hear **-:-****

* * *

**2006 -:- Past Memories**

I left the hospital with anger and worry pulsing through my body. It seemed like I was heading into familiar territory again, the panic settling in for good. It had been much easier and quicker to find my way back to the bunker. The faceless souls climbing through the rubble-filled streets were gone with the sunlight, so the streets were empty and I was free to run and jump at my own will. I wasn't sure what I would be walking into back at the bunker, all Esme would tell me was that they were all back, so I prepared for the worst, which seemed to be a common theme as of late.

Running through the streets, I allowed my mind to briefly wander back to when this all had started five weeks ago in the living room back in Maine. My argument with Alice had been such a common one. It was like a broken record, her always trying to convince me to return to Forks, and me adamantly refusing. Five weeks ago everything was so mundane, never wavering from the norm, and I thought that was going to be my lot in life, because of the choice I made to continue my life without Bella. Strange what could happen in five short weeks.

I chose to love a human, and then chose to give her up, never to see her again. God saw fit to make sure that happened, and then some. I knew it was absurd of me to think I had anything to do with all of this, especially when I didn't even believe in God, but there had to be something, some divine power punishing me for coveting something so natural when I was so unnatural. My thoughts were fleeting though, because I couldn't afford to mourn her loss, it would surely cripple me again. My pain could come later, I would make sure of it, but for right now I needed to help the only people worth fighting for. If they wouldn't fight for themselves, I would have to fight for them. This was something I could do for them to hopefully cut some of my guilt which had grown exponentially in the last five weeks.

I was beginning to realize that unless I went and physically dragged Carlisle back, I doubted he would ever return. I knew he would work relentlessly, resting only to feed and keep his strength up. He would never tire, never sleep and never get sick. Carlisle was the perfect healing machine essentially, and he would stay there until there was no one left to help.

I wasn't sure how I was going to get through to him, but I needed my family to see that as long as they had each other, it was the only thing that mattered in this messed up world. I never wanted them to experience what I had gone through or what I was going to go through, they shouldn't have to. I would make them see they needed to be grateful for every second they shared with each other.

I arrived back to the bunker in record time, and as soon as the large metal door opened, I was engulfed into a massive bone-crushing hug, that lifted me slightly off the floor.

Emmett never said a word to me, just breathed a sigh of relief, patting me on the back before releasing me. He looked me squarely in the eyes, placing his hand on my shoulder conveying how good it was to see me.

_I'm so sorry, my brother, for everything._

A weak smile was about all I could give him in return.

 _It's good to have you back._ His hand resting on my shoulder smacked the side of my face in a kindly gesture.

I let out a huge sigh of relief, grateful to have Emmett here with me. "You, too," I said laughing while I pulled him into another hug. Esme was standing behind him anxiously waiting for us to finish. Releasing Emmett, I turned to her and pulled her into my arms as well.

 _Thank you for coming back, for keeping your promise to me,_ her thoughts rang out in my mind, and I kissed the top of her head comforting her.

It dawned on me that Esme was grieving much the same as I was. She had her family finally, and was feeling some relief, but her partner, the center of her world, was gone. I couldn't tell her the truth, not right now. I would try my damndest to bring him home, but for right now the Carlisle she knew and loved was gone. The stranger I found in his place would do nothing to help Esme or the rest of us, it was better to go on having them believe he was still out there somewhere. I would tell her, I would have to eventually, but first I had to try and bring him back myself.

"You didn't find him," she said, her cheek resting against my chest.

The mask I was so adept at portraying covered my face while I responded with a bold face lie. "No, I didn't." Emmett scrutinized my expression, and he could tell something was up.

 _We'll chat about that later,_ he said silently, his eyes narrowing, and I gave him a look to let him know to drop it for now.

Esme trembled in my arms, while I released myself from her grip. I gently placed my hands on her cheeks, bending down to look her in the eyes. "But it was only one hospital, and it was a mess. There are no records, and there are hundreds and hundreds of people camped outside of it. It could take days to get information from anyone," I said responding to her worries.

She reluctantly nodded her head while I rubbed her cheek with my thumb. Her eyes narrowed, frowning as she realized what I was wearing. Grabbing the hem of my scrubs-shirt, she gave me a questioningly look.

"They wouldn't let me in the front doors without changing into clean scrubs, you know, the radiation." I shrugged my shoulders, while her thoughts returned to Carlisle. "I'll go back tomorrow, and every day until I find him, Esme. I promise. We won't stop until we're all together again."

I saw Jasper's crumpled form flash in Esme's mind and snapped my head around the room looking for him. "Where is he?" I croaked. I sought out his mind but it was relatively quiet, his thoughts were of Alice while she tried to convince him to eat.

"It's not good, Edward," Emmett said. "We found him on the outskirts of the city along the lake shore, holed up in a cave." Emmett allowed me to see the image of Jasper at the back of a cave, hands held firmly to his head, rocking back and forth. "He's fully coherent, just extremely weak." Emmett rubbed his chin before finishing off the rest in his head. _He can barely talk, he can't walk._ _I had to carry him here. He didn't want to come, but he couldn't exactly fight us._ Emmett lowered his head, staring at a crack in the concrete. _It's like every effort takes a huge toll on his body. And man, his emotions are running amuck. You can only stay around him for a little bit before it drives you mad._

I watched as the journey back to the bunker played out in his head. It took him and Alice over a week, having to stop every so often to take turns breaking away from Jasper trying to grasp on to some sort of sanity.

 _It's like every good, happy emotion is sucked right out of you._ Emmett's eyes were sad and daunting, and seeing him like this meant that it was worse than he was letting on. He was frustrated; I could see that easily enough. Emmett was a man of action, but in this case there was nothing he could do, nothing he could fight and it was leaving him feeling helpless. He had been feeling this way ever since we left Maine, like he was always two steps behind from everything that was happening to the family. He felt he had failed at being our protector, a self-appointed role he had given himself, and it was tearing him up inside.

I wanted to tell him differently, I wanted to reassure him that there was nothing he could have done, but I also knew a thing or two about guilt, and nothing I could say would change what he was thinking right now. Until he was ready to talk about it, he needed the guilt to keep him going; it was like fuel for a slow burning fire that would surely burn out if it ran dry. I had so many questions I needed to ask him, especially about Phoenix, but that would have to wait.

"He's here, then?" I raised my eyebrows in question.

"Alice and Rose are with him," Esme said, "in the back, the room we had set up for—" _Bella,_ she finished quietly in her head, guilt flooding her mind at bringing up Bella's name. The arm I still had around her shoulders, gave her a light squeeze, reassuring her that I was okay. I was going to have to get used to everyone thinking about her, even if I wasn't ready to.

"I'll go see what I can do." I patted Emmett's shoulder as I walked past him on my way to the back room. Esme and Emmett's thoughts were filled with relief, and I was starting to feel the pressure of everyone relying on me. I didn't know if I was strong enough for all of this, and I definitely didn't have the answers, but if I stopped now, I would fall apart, and so would the family. They had sacrificed so much for me over the years, this was something I had to do.

Placing my hand on the doorknob, I took a deep breath to prepare for the worst. I was apprehensive as to what I would find, but extremely anxious as well. I knew Jasper was not in the best of state, but the last time I had seen Alice was not exactly under the best of circumstances. I needed to see her face too, and reassure myself she was okay.

I opened the door to the only bedroom in the bunker, and immediately was assaulted by a wave of misery and grief. It was enough for me to take a step backwards. Jasper was crumpled up in a ball, knees held tight to his chest lying on the bed, while Alice and Rosalie sat across from him, their thoughts trying to get past the despair and trying to only think of jovial things.

Alice's head snapped around and in a split second she had launched herself at me, gripping me tightly, desperately whispering her relief at seeing me. She started to sob and I heard Rosalie's thoughts, break through the commotion. _Edward, please take her out of here._ Rosalie had lifted her feet up onto the edge of the chair, leaning her cheek on to her knees. _I'll stay with him, she needs some relief._

Slowly backing out of the room with Alice's legs wrapped around my waist, I caressed her back telling her it was going to be okay, that Jasper was going to be okay. At first I wasn't sure what she was saying, it was all coming out in a mumbled rush, but I finally made out the same three words over and over.

"I'm so sorry," she repeated over and over again.

I led us to the back of the bunker where the animals were kept and sat us down on Esme's milking stool, the goat bleating noisily behind us. Alice lifted her head slightly to look where the sound was coming from, her brows furrowed in confusion.

"She does that … " I offered her a smile, "she's a cantankerous old thing." I rubbed Alice's back in slow soothing circles, trying to calm her down. Her thoughts were still repeating the same thing over and over as she looked me in the eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," she finally said aloud.

I was taken aback as to why she carried so much guilt and why she had anything to be sorry for. "What are you talking about, Alice?"

"It was my fault. She's gone because of me. If you hadn't come to meet us you might have—"

"Shhhh. Alice, enough," I cut her off.

"But—"

"Nothing will change what happened," I said a little more firmly than I intended. I really hadn't had time to process any of this, and I wasn't about to now. "I can't talk about this, not right now."

She nodded her head agreeing to my wishes. We sat in silence for a few minutes while the nuisance of a goat continued to express her dislike toward us.

"That thing really is annoying," Alice finally said. "Why a goat, and why hasn't someone eaten it yet?"

We both started to chuckle as I explained Esme's attachment to it.

"She'll throttle you if you touch it, Alice. It's a love/hate kind of thing between the two of them. I think the milking relaxes Esme."

"You didn't find him."

"No, I didn't." I hated lying to her, but it was necessary. Everyone had too much to handle as it was. Carlisle's lack of faith was not something they needed to hear about.

"Still no visions?" I asked, changing the subject.

"No, not a one. It's so eerie. My entire life I've never experienced this. The last one I had was of you and Victoria. That's why Carlisle sent Emmett and Rosalie after you. I woke up, or whatever you want to call it, and that was the last clear one I had. And then they just stopped," she said clearly frustrated. "I _hate_ not knowing. I can't see any of us, and I can't see when this will all end, and I can't see our futures. I can't see if Jasper will be alright, or where Carlisle is, it just, just _sucks_ , for lack of a better word." She laid her head on my shoulder and we sat there for a little while longer while I continued to rub soothing circles on her back.

"I know you aren't ready to talk about her," Alice finally spoke up, "but I'll be here anytime you want to." She tucked a piece of hair behind my ear while I closed my eyes in response. "I loved her too, you know," she whispered, and I could feel her breath against the side of my neck. "More than you ever thought possible."

I nodded my head ever so slightly, sighing a little. I knew she did. I had seen it many times in her thoughts. Bella was the very first person to accept Alice for exactly who she was. Not because they were family or kin, or because of her gift, Bella treated Alice so very different from anyone Alice had ever encountered. She was the only true friend she ever had in her vampire or human life, and Alice loved her whole-heartedly for it.

"It wasn't just your future together I saw, it was mine with her as well. For as long as I exist, I'll hold myself responsible for taking her away from you and the rest of the family. It was my fault." She wrapped her tiny arms around my neck squeezing with all her might.

We both carried our own guilt. I didn't hold Alice responsible any more than I held Jasper responsible. It was mine and mine alone.

We sat there in the dimly lit room surrounded by animals for what seemed like hours, neither of us speaking. We silently grieved, even if I could only grieve for her loss not my own. She had changed. The last few weeks had taken its toll on Alice. I looked at her sallow cheeks, so much different than what she allowed me to see of her human self. Her eyes were back to their amber color, slightly darkened from her hunger, but the worst of it was that I could tell her spirit was broken. My carefree, high-spirited sister was gone. Alice was always a bundle of energy, filled with optimism and life, but the little girl who sat in my arms was anything but that. Her thoughts were anxious and filled with worry and doubt. Doubt was not something I was used to experiencing with Alice, she was always so smug, and dare I say cheeky, because of her uncanny ability to see the outcome in most scenarios. Her doubt was definitely not going to help Jasper get through this.

"Tell me about Jasper," I finally said.

"He's not getting better. I thought he would come out of it eventually, but he's getting weaker and there's nothing I can do. I can't just sit here and watch him fade away." She closed her eyes and put her hand on her forehead. "I can't stand not knowing things anymore! I need to know how long this will last." She looked at me for answers, her eyes narrowing at my helpless expression. "It's been four weeks. I thought I would break in two not knowing if you were alright or where Jasper was. I can't take this, Edward, all this darkness. First Bella and you, now … Carlisle … Rosalie … Esme … Jasper. I _need_ to know!" She was almost hysterical now, her words rushing out of her mouth.

"Hey, hey, hey. Alice," I said in a calming tone, "it's going to be alright. We _will_ get passed this." She looked into my eyes, and I saw the doubt there, I heard it in her mind as well. "We just need some time to heal … you and I both know that." She looked down into her lap, but I lifted her chin so she could see the sincerity in my eyes. "The world is grieving, everyone is in pain . Jasper needs time. He can feel our despair, Alice. We need to have some hope so he can feel that too. We have to hope that there will be a place for us after all this, because there has to be, we wouldn't be here if there wasn't."

I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of my mouth. They were more likely to be Carlisle's words than my own. To my amazement, I was starting to realize that his countless discussions of God and our purpose on this earth were starting to pervade through my own. I had depended on Carlisle's steadfast faith in all things for so long, that his doubt was making me question my own doubt. I closed my eyes at the revelation, praying to whomever it was that was looking out for us, that I would be able to get through to Carlisle, just as he had tried with me for all those years.

Alice's timid voice broke through my thoughts, causing me to startle.

"If he would just feed, I think it would help. He's weak, but some of that could be from not eating, right?" she asked me, trying to reassure herself. The doubt was present again and I knew I needed to quash that.

"Absolutely." I smiled. "We'll get him to eat. It'll help, even if it's these domestics. I wonder if Esme would let us sacrifice the goat for him." I chuckled, ruffling her hair.

"No, I won't," Esme said, walking in to the room giving us a stern look. "That goat will not be eaten by any one of us. There are enough wild animals running around out there now, this little lady will not be sacrificed as much as she deserves it." She had her hands on her hips, looking like the epitome of a mother scolding her children.

"Fine! We'll leave the goat," I laughed, raising my hands in the air, "even though I think Jasper would benefit from our joy of getting rid of her." She gave me another stern look before breaking into a large grin.

 _Are you two okay, Edward? Should I give you more time?_ she asked me, and I shook my head slightly in return.

"Well, if you two are done trying to plot the demise of my goat, we could use some help," Esme said encouragingly while walking over to us, and rubbing Alice's shoulder. "We have some things we need to discuss and Jasper was asking for you, Edward."

**2016 **-:-** Present Day**

I had been thinking about the time the family had spent without Carlisle there to guide them, and how much we all relied on him to keep things together and in control. He was such a calming force and always knew what the right thing was to do in most situations. There was a time when that wasn't the case , and it was hard for me to think of those times, just like I knew it was for him as well. To him, he had failed the family, and he had spent the last few years trying to make it all up to us. I, however, no longer questioned his decisions.

 _I'm sorry, I k_ _now you want to help them, but I get the sense this is about us being here. It's not wise to get involved._ Carlisle relayed his earlier conversation with Charlie, similar to the one I'd had with Seth. I could only nod in response pinching the bridge of my nose in concentration. I debated whether or not I should run after them, especially knowing the wolves were around, or stay with him and explain what I had discovered.

Carlisle, sensing there was something else I had yet to share with him, dragged me to the corner of the hangar, closer to the hole in the ground leading to the underground bunker. _I know that look on your face, what did you find out?_

I enlightened him with what I had heard and the scent from outside, confirming the wolves were indeed around. It was not the best news he wanted to hear, but he quickly accepted this was not something we could avoid much longer. He expressed his concerns, and hoped that we could make it through the rest of the visit without a confrontation. Trying to distract me from going after Seth and Charlie, he convinced me to take a tour of the clinic.

He led me down to the stairs to show me what they had done, and introduce me to Leah Clearwater, Charlie's step-daughter. We stepped through a giant metal door which I recognized immediately. It was similar to the one on the bunker in Chicago, but that was where the similarities ended. This bunker was enormous, and I quickly understood how they all could have survived down here. Carlisle really had outdone himself and found the best possible place for the people of Forks.

There were fluorescent lights that lined the ceiling, illuminating every corner of the front room. I could hear the low hum of a generator off in the distance and noticed the faint odor of the diesel it took to run it. The room was very clinical looking, with a row of beds lining one of the walls and small curtains in between each of them, almost like a real hospital. It even smelled like one, particularly clean, sterile, or almost bleach-like. There were two typical crash carts at different intervals between the beds, and I could see a few smaller rooms to my right that must be used for operating rooms, or an emergency area. Again, for the umpteenth time today, I truly was amazed.

The only thing that seemed to be lacking were the patients, and I said as much to Carlisle.

He simply smiled and explained what Leah had told him. "No one likes to stay down here unless they have to. They'll come to get treated and unless they can't move, they prefer to stay in their own homes. It brings up too many painful memories Leah said."

"Then why have the clinic down here in the first place?" I asked confused, as I turned in a circle taking everything in.

"They were never sure if things were over, or what else was to come. This way, if they need to come back down here for any reason, they have all they need still set up. They're just taking precautionary measures." He walked over to a sink on the far wall, turning on the tap, and to my amazement, water came streaming out of it. _Amazing isn't it?_ His thoughts mirrored mine. _It's the only working one in the compound. There's a rain water basin outside they've hooked up. They can seal it off from inside if they need to._ Carlisle was overjoyed by all they had accomplished. I hadn't seen him this excited in years.

"Leah does house visits for the most part. A few people are very sick right now, but they refuse to come down here." _If they're going to die, they want to see the sky and smell the air from the comfort of their own bed. Can't argue with that logic._ He smiled openly, his eyes lighting up.

"I'm perfectly happy not having anyone in _my_ clinic," a feminine voice called out from behind us.

A young woman with perfect copper skin and glistening black hair appeared from one of the smaller rooms off to the side. She was rather tall, almost the height of Rosalie, and she had a sort of exotic look to her. Her brow was furrowed in concentration as she studied a clip board in her hand. Her thoughts revealed she was taking inventory, something I was all too familiar with listening to Carlisle over the years. She had no intention of paying us any attention.

"Leah," Carlisle interrupted her from her counts, "this is my son, Edward." _Charlie said most of them are afraid to be here with her. She's a great healer, but not exactly the coddling type._

Leah glanced up from her clipboard, and her face matched her thoughts, she was annoyed by the interruption and the intrusion of us in her clinic.

I did my best to deflect what I could, but she was going to be a tough one to crack. "It's nice to meet you, Leah. I've heard so much about you."

"Mmhmm," she rolled her eyes at me, "I can imagine," and continued with her counting. _They may not be blood, but the Doc sure knows how to pick good genes for his family._

I tried to disguise my smirk and responded with a little more flattery. "The clinic is amazing. My father tells me you've done some really great things on your own."

"Dr. Gerandy was a good man and a good doctor. He would be proud of you, Leah," Carlisle praised her, trying the same tactic as myself, but I wasn't sure it was working.

"Well, he left me with this mess, and I didn't have much choice, did I?" she said harshly.

My head suddenly filled with the same menacing voice from outside, hatred spewing inside someone's head.

_Bloodsuckers_ _…_ _Leeches_ _…_ _Charlie doesn't get a choice._

Carlisle, sensing my alarm silently asked what was the matter, but before I could respond the rank odor of wet dog overwhelmed us both. We quickly turned to face the door, and Carlisle, ever so slightly, stepped in front of me as we watched three fully grown, extremely large Quileutes walk through the solid metal door. Their bulking forms filled the front room and blocked the only way in and out of the clinic.

"Jake! Charlie warned you!" Leah yelled at the enormous man who stood in front of us as she made her way over to him. He towered over her, but that didn't seem to stop her or scare her. She shoved on his bare-chest. "Out! He told you, you're not allowed in here today. Get out! And for God's sake … how many times do I have to tell you? Put a shirt on."

So this was Jacob Black? He was a good foot taller than Carlisle and I, and as wide as Emmett. This was definitely not the scrawny kid I remembered, and he was definitely going to be trouble.

"Well, maybe you should run off and tell Charlie then?" Jacob laughed coldly, and then glared down at her, while the other two men at his side never took their eyes off of Carlisle or me. Their thoughts were filled with disgust, but surprisingly they were curious as well.

"I'm not leaving you alone in here, Jake. The Cullens have done nothing wrong, and I don't understand what your problem is, just leave them alone!" Leah was right up next to him, her finger wagging in his face.

"We just want to have a good chat with the Doctor, and remind him of a few things. You know, like we do with all newcomers." He leaned in closer to her and looked like he was about to take a bite out of her finger. "We're just going to explain the rules, but if you think that's an issue, then take it up with Charlie." I heard Jacob's thoughts, and it seemed he and his 'crew' had orchestrated the gunshots purposely to get Charlie and Seth away from us, and now he wanted Leah to join them so he could have his private discussion.

"I don't think so, Jake," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm, "nice try."

"Suit yourself." He smiled, shrugging his shoulders, and in one fell swoop, he picked her up under his arm, took two giant steps toward the door, and then placed her on the other side of it before locking it shut, all within a matter of seconds.

We could hear her cursing and yelling on the other side, and her thoughts were murderous as she turned away from the door and ran up the stairs.

 _Let me talk. I need you to watch their tempers, and yours,_ Carlisle said silently in his head. He was just slightly in front of me, like he was protecting me, I just wasn't sure if he was protecting me from them, or from myself.

I listened in on the others thoughts, and their minds were running rampant with all kinds of questions. First and foremost they wanted to know what our intentions were and whether we were here to stay.

"Jacob?" Carlisle asked tentatively with his hands in the air. "I'm Carlisle Cullen, this is my son, Edward. I think you two have met before." Jacob did nothing to acknowledge either one of us.

"I see you're aware of … " Carlisle struggled with the right words, "what we are, and I can only assume you have a lot of questions to ask us."

Jacob's lip turned up, while he wrinkled his nose in disgust and his body started to tremble, struggling to maintain control. "I only have _one_ question," he snarled. "When are you leaving?"

"I take it that isn't really a question," Carlisle lowered his hands, "and you're not referring to just today at the compound," he said sadly, sighing before continuing. "Jacob, I knew your great-grandfather, Ephraim. He was a good man and a reasonable one."

"Well, I'm not him," he spat back.

"No, I can see that. But perhaps we can come to an understanding," Carlisle offered, I couldn't see his face, but I knew his eyes would be kindly and imploring, not the image that the wolves were relaying back to me of a blood-thirsty red-eyed demon dressed as Carlisle.

"Nothing has changed with my family since we made the treaty with your great-grandfather," Carlisle continued. "In fact, it's much easier for us now than all those years ago. We still abide by the same lifestyle and rules."

I saw an image of the treaty boundary flash in Jacob's head at hearing Carlisle's words.

 _This is not going to be good,_ I thought. _They knew someone had crossed the line._

"That's where you're wrong, leech. One of you crossed the boundary, you broke the treaty. All bets are off. And from the smell I'd say it was pretty boy, there." He nodded his head at me in repulsion, and I noticed the other two trembled while they took a deep breath. They were very close to losing control. My guess was that they didn't encounter vampires too much, and their practiced control over the years was being tested to the limit. I felt myself tense, ready for whatever was about to happen.

 _Edward, let me handle this,_ Carlisle's thoughts broke through the others. "You're correct, Jacob, my son did cross over the line, and he's sorry for it and meant no harm by it." He raised his hands again, hoping they would take it as a peace offering. "We really only want to help."

"We don't need your help, and we certainly don't want it."

"We _can_ help, Jacob," Carlisle disagreed, trying his hand at diplomacy, something he excelled at. "You have done tremendously well over the years, we can see that, but we have supplies and food that you could desperately use. Are you going to deny the good folks here that help?"

I saw the man on the left of Jacob waver a little, and the M&M's Alice had given Seth flashed in his head. The other man also flashed to an image of Seth and his animated tales of the food he had eaten while visiting us. I could see they were torn between their duties as wolves, and the wanting of some of the creature comforts that Seth had shared with them. From what I understood, they didn't have a choice in the matter, Jacob was their 'Alpha' and whatever he said was law amongst the wolves.

"We don't _need_ your help," Jacob said again, his anger seeping through. "We don't need help from _bloodsuckers._ We can provide for our own people. But I'm willing to make a deal, but only for the sake of Charlie."

"I'm listening," Carlisle said.

"We'll leave your boy alone," he nodded his head arrogantly at me again, "as long as you leave the area, and never come back. It's only fair. He broke the treaty, we have a right to fight back, but we're willing to overlook it, provided you leave quietly." He finished with a cocky grin, thinking he had Carlisle between a rock and a hard place. In his head he was calling me a coward.

I was sick of this pup and his disrespectful tone with Carlisle. I was just about to step forward and take the challenge, but Carlisle put his arm out, stopping me in my tracks. _I_ said _I would handle this!_

My chest started rumbling with a low growl as I glared back at Jacob.

 _Edward! That's enough. Control yourself,_ Carlisle screamed in his head at me. He took a deep breath, and his voice was calm and even. "That's a fair request, but if I recall correctly, it was you, Jacob, who broke the treaty in the first place over ten years ago by revealing our secret to a human. We overlooked that because violence is not our way."

The two men beside Jacob were definitely shocked to hear that he had broken the treaty, they obviously had no idea. For a split second, Jacob's face fell as he processed Carlisle's words. My heart sunk as I saw Jacob, remembering the day on the beach when he told Bella of the legends. I never did like this kid, and he sure as hell never liked me. I could see that this wasn't exactly about my family, this was a vendetta against me. Jacob quickly collected himself, trying to turn this into his advantage.

"I was young and foolish, I didn't know any better, but you're right, I did break it. I won't deny it, I'm no coward," he said through clenched teeth. "But that doesn't mean we'll sit by idly and let you have these people for your own personal buffet." We could feel the anger rippling off him, and he was dangerously close to losing control. The men beside him shifted, one of them grabbing his arm speaking his name in a low voice. Jacob flinched at the man's grasp.

"Quil, you got a problem you can leave," he growled at the man to his left.

"Jake, come on, man. Get yourself under control," the man named Quil said.

"Have you forgotten who gets to make the calls now?" Jacob snapped back, never taking his eyes from us.

"No, I haven't. But you know what your dad said last night. We owe our lives and everyone in this compound to these … these … " he struggled for what to call us, "to the Cullens," he finally finished. "They have a right to explain themselves."

"Sure. Sure. They'll get their chance, and then murder us all in our sleep. Is that enough of an explanation for you? They're leeches, Quil. Bloodsuckers. Killers. They're a plague on this earth, that's enough explanation for me."

"Jake—" Quil tried to reason with him.

"What is it you want from us, Jacob," Carlisle intervened, again trying to be the peacekeeper.

"You have a choice … " Jacob shrugged his shoulders, "you can all leave quietly, no questions asked, or your boy here, can answer for breaking the treaty. We'll let the rest of you stay as long as you want, but a new treaty will be drawn up to include the compound." He said it simply, all the while glaring at me. His thoughts were murderous toward me, and I realized that was all he wanted, a go at me. He flexed his fists, cracking his knuckles, and smirked knowingly while an image of him getting a chance to take me out flashed across his head.

"That's it? You got it!" I seethed, pushing Carlisle out of the way and within an instant I was standing toe to toe with Jacob Black. "If that's all it will take for my family to live here peacefully, I'll take that deal," I said, my eyes narrowing at the stench and closeness of the three wolves who had all moved into a defensive position. Growls erupted from my chest, while the tension in the room was alive, almost like a breathing entity surrounding each of us. "You can _try_ to take me out," I fumed, raging at the idea that he thought he could kill me.

"Gladly," he mused, mocking me while looking down at me, another image of Bella flashed in his head. One of her in his arms smiling at him, she was wearing a blue dress …

"Edward!" Carlisle yelled, trying to pull me back from Jacob. The room erupted in yells and chaos as Carlisle tried to hold me back and the two men on either side of Jacob were grabbing him. Our yells echoed off the concrete walls, creating a deafening sound as we grunted and growled, twisting and turning in our blocker's arms. I had been waiting for Jacob to phase, but for the most part he was under control, while I was far from it. He wanted me to attack, he was hoping for it so he could prove his point. He had been goading me this entire time, and I should have known better.

 _Edward, get under control. This is not the place. I told you I would handle this. This is not the way._ Carlisle's thoughts flooded my head just as three sharp bangs on the outer door interrupted our fracas.

"Jacob! Open this door!" Charlie's voice bellowed on the other side the door, followed by more sharp bangs, which I could see he was using the butt of his shotgun to be more effective.

"Jacob!"

More yells from others that I recognized as Leah and Seth, and two other male voices. Jacob and his counterparts cursed, as they recognized the men on the other side of the door. Jacob forcefully removed himself from their grip, taking three large strides to reach the door, turning to us as he grabbed the wheel.

"This is far from over," he said, while he jerked the wheel to the left.

The door swung open, and Charlie and Seth pushed their way inside, guns raised pointing them at the three large men. The last time I had seen Charlie this angry was ten years ago when I showed up on his doorstep asking for information about Bella.

"Carlisle, you two alright?" he asked while his furious glare remained fixed on Jacob.

Carlisle raised his hands in defense. "Charlie, we're fine, we were just having a discussion." He smiled, trying to diffuse the tension in the air.

"I'll bet," he said, lowering his gun as Leah and the other two men came through the door. I assumed one was Billy Black, knowing he was in a wheelchair, and was being pushed into the room by another man who was almost as large as Jacob and his friends, but instead of the short clipped hair like theirs, he had long, straight, black hair that almost fell to his waist.

The tension was fading somewhat as Charlie walked toward us. We stood on one side of the room, while on the other, stood seven Quileutes, the most we had ever been in contact with since the days of Ephraim Black.

_Interesting._

Only Carlisle would find all this 'interesting.' I was starting to see why he wanted Jasper and Emmett away from this situation. With the two of them here, it easily could have taken a very different turn than it did. My temper was usually under control, but Jacob Black knew exactly how to push my buttons, and that was something I had not been prepared for.

A throat cleared, and Billy Black spoke up.

"Jake," he said in a voice that commanded respect, "take your boys outside. We'll talk about this later."

"No," was Jacob's defiant response.

"Jake!" the man with the long hair commanded, staring him down.

"You're not in charge anymore, Sam, or did you forget that already," Jacob challenged.

"I'll not say it again," Billy said, and Seth cocked his shotgun, raising it loosely in their direction showing them they meant business.

Jacob laughed at Seth. "You gonna shoot me? You?" he mocked.

"Yeah, I might, and then the good Doc here might have to stitch you up. How you feel about that? You forget whose land you're standing on. It's the Doc who should be telling _you_ to leave." Seth stared defiantly at Jacob.

Carlisle shifted uncomfortably. He never believed this was his land, he had owned it at one point, but as far as he was concerned it belonged to the town of Forks and its people. He would never claim it, I knew as much, even though he had every right to. He was about to respond to Seth on the matter, when the man named Sam stepped between the two of them grabbing the barrel of the shotgun. He spoke in Quileute to Jacob and the other two. Charlie, Carlisle and I didn't understand what was being said, but Jacob conceded dropping his shoulders in defeat. He slowly turned, glowering at me.

 _You and I have unfinished business,_ his silent thoughts echoed in my head before he left the room.

He knew I could read his mind, again something I was definitely not prepared for. I can't imagine that Charlie would have said anything, perhaps Seth mentioned it in passing, but I doubted they had much to talk about, from the looks of it they weren't exactly on agreeable terms.

"I'm sorry about that," Charlie apologized to us setting the shotgun down on one of the stainless steel counters. "We tried to keep him away today, but I guess he had some words he needed to get off his chest."

"Everything okay?" Carlisle asked.

"Oh, yeah, it was just a diversion to get us away from you two . It worked," he said with a slight snicker to his voice.

Billy rolled his wheelchair toward us with hesitation in his eyes. "Please forgive my son, he has a short temper." The others chuckled at Billy's words.

"This is Billy Black, Jake's father. And this is Sam Uley, he keeps the peace around here." Charlie introduced the two men, and none of us made a move to shake the other's hands. Carlisle was fairly certain that gesture would have been pushing things. We were surprised to hear that Sam was essentially the sheriff of the compound, we had just assumed it was Charlie.

"Oh no …" Charlie chuckled responding to Carlisle's question. "I gave that up awhile ago. I step in when I'm needed, but for the most part Sam does all the dirty work."

I searched Sam's mind for some insight, however, I could decipher only a little. His thoughts were well guarded. He was pack leader at one time, right before he took over for Charlie. The thoughts that were swirling around in the rest of everyone's heads were kind of giving me a headache. Charlie was worried that Jacob's little outburst would cost the compound a good doctor, and he would never get a chance to repay us for all that we had done. Seth was angry at Jacob's insinuations, while Leah was annoyed by all the testosterone in the room, and Billy, like Sam, was also cautious about his thoughts.

"Sue is cooking up a big meal, and I was really hoping that you two would stay for dinner," Charlie said graciously. From the corner of my eye I saw Sam sneer slightly at Charlie's words.

"Thank you, Charlie. That's really kind of you, but Edward and I have to get going."

"You have to stay," Seth stepped forward, "we shot a buck yesterday, and my mom makes the best stew around." He looked hopeful, expecting us to say yes.

"Thank you, I'm sure it's delicious, but it'll be dark soon, and Esme and Alice will be worried if we aren't home," Carlisle explained and being the clear-headed thinker added, "besides, we really shouldn't leave them on their own after dark." Seth and Charlie nodded in agreement, knowing it was risky to leave two women alone, unprotected at night.

Seth asked when we were going to return, and the others shifted uncomfortably waiting for our answer.

"We have a few things to take care of back at the house. We have some more supplies coming soon. My daughter and son went to get them, perhaps when they return." Seth looked extremely disappointed, so Carlisle added, "Seth, you are more than welcome to come out to the house any time you like. I extend the invitation to each of you."

Seth was enthusiastic, as usual, and said he would drag Leah along with him. I saw Leah's curiosity pique a little, her thoughts wondering about Alice and Esme and the clothes they had sent earlier. She scoffed at Seth, despite the contrary in her mind.

"We brought a few things we'd like to leave with you. My mother and sister packed the jeep up with more stuff they thought you could use." Billy Black and Sam Uley were extremely conflicted in their thoughts. They didn't want to like us, and they didn't want our help. It went against thousands of years of ingrained hatred, but they also knew exactly what we had done for their people, and what we continued to do. It was not going to be easy to overcome the legends, but maybe we could come to an understanding somehow.

"We could use some help unloading all of it," I said, knowing we needed to get going. Carlisle and I had a lot to discuss on the drive home, and a lot of decisions to be made.


	16. All Things Must Pass

**CHAPTER 15**

****-:-** All Things Must Pass **-:-****

* * *

**2006 -:- Past Memories**

After Esme had kindly interrupted Alice and I, and the goat, we had a brief talk as a family, without Jasper, trying to devise a game plan. The others made the decision to go outside and assess a few things, while I volunteered to stay with Jasper. I had figured he might want a change of scenery, so I wrapped him up in a blanket, careful not to directly touch him, and carried him out to the main room placing him on one of the hospital beds.

 _Where is eve_ _ryone?_ It was such an effort for him to speak, even managing to concentrate for a few seconds to communicate with me was difficult.

"They went topside for a little bit, Rosalie wanted to get out , you know, and go, well, and Emmett went with her. Alice and Esme went to go hand out water and food to some of the humans. How are you holding up?" I grabbed the metal chair from the desk and wheeled it over to sit in front of him.

 _I think you already know that. I can't control it anymore, it's taking all the energy I have._ He winced, closing his eyes, as if the fluorescent lights were causing him pain. _Look at me. I'm crippled, and doing the same to the rest of you._

I felt a wave of something I didn't even know how to explain hit me and I shuddered. It was terror, pain, and dread all rolled into one and it was just as he said, crippling. I realized it was taking every ounce of energy to control it, to keep it from projecting back to me. Just by concentrating enough to speak to me, his focus wavered and his emotions slipped past his control.

"It's got to pass, it won't continue like this." I reached out and was about to place a hand on his knee, but decided against it knowing it would make things worse. "People will change. It's just too soon."

 _I'm not doing anyone any good here, and you know it._ His eyes were closed in concentration and his hands were clenched into fists. _Emmett should have left me until I could get past this._

"Maybe," I said quietly, "but you shouldn't have run. What were you thinking leaving like that? Leaving Alice?"

At hearing my words he opened one eye to look at me. There was almost a look of amusement on his face. _You're asking me that? You of all people know why I left._

"Touché," I mused. That last gesture of his seemed to take a lot out of him, so I let him rest for a minute, standing up, pretending to browse the movies in the bookshelves to disguise the fact that I needed to put some distance between us.

_It's okay, you don't have to stay. I'm not going anywhere. I don't think I could if I tried._

I looked up at him from the back cover of the DVD in my hands. He hadn't fed in five weeks Alice had said, and he still refused to feed, telling her it was too difficult. His thoughts were not of thirst, but I could tell his body needed to be fed. His cheeks were slowly beginning to sink in, and when his eyes were open, they were as black as the night.

"Jasper, do you think you could handle it if I brought you something to eat?" I tried to make my voice as soft as possible, not wanting to pressure him. "Something small? Would you give it a try?"

_No._

He gave me nothing else, and I couldn't understand why he didn't want to at least try. His body clearly needed the nutrients, and Jasper was never one for abstaining. He was suffering, both in mind and body, and I was hoping by easing the suffering in his body it would help to ease his mind.

I didn't want to pressure him, so instead I talked to him of oddities, hoping it would help a little by concentrating on my musings. I kept it light and humorous, rambling on about nothing while still keeping my distance. It was too difficult to stay positive the closer I was to him. I reminded him of the pranks we used to play on each other, especially Emmett. He certainly was a sucker for a good laugh and not surprisingly it was usually at my expense, but Jasper and I had our fair share of retribution when it came to Emmett.

In the seventies, Emmett had really gone overboard with the pranks, and everyone had pretty much had enough. Esme had begged him to slow down a little, but nothing we would say or do seemed to stop him. He had messed with my music collection, having replaced all the albums in other covers, it took me weeks to reorganize them back to their original covers, but when he messed with Jasper's Mustang, we all knew, including Rosalie, he had gone too far.

"Oh God, do you remember the skunk?" I snorted as I thought about it. "Man, that was the best thing we ever managed to pull off. But he deserved it. Your Mustang was a beautiful car," I said admiringly. "I loved that car."

He opened one eye at me, and I could see the twinkle in it from across the room.

"I still have no idea how you managed to trap that skunk without getting sprayed. That really was some feat." I started to laugh a little, remembering how Jasper successfully threw the skunk in the trunk of Emmett's Monte Carlo. That was a beautiful car too, but Emmett deserved everything he got. "When he opened up that trunk?" My laughter picked up. "The look on his face! I still remember it from the window of the house." I had broken out in complete hysterics by now, bent over at the waist, trying to talk through my fits of laughter. "And Esme wouldn't let him in the house for months. Made him stay in the guest house … " I howled, "and Rose. She wouldn't go near him for almost a year. Said every time she got close to him she could smell it was ingrained in his skin, no matter how many times he used Esme's tomatoes."

At this point, I was barreled over uncontrollably, recalling the weeks after the _incident_ when Emmett would stand outside the windows of the house at night, staring in at all of us. His sad face begging to be let in, while Esme would simply shut the blinds and tell him to go back to the guest house, reprimanding him and telling him 'he got everything he deserved.'

Finally managing to contain myself, I looked over at Jasper, he had one arm over his eyes, and his face was sporting a wry smile as he lay curled up on the hospital bed.

 _Thank you,_ Jasper said in his head. He didn't need to say anything else, I just hoped that I had help to ease his suffering if only for a little bit.

I moved around the room, eventually settling back in the chair near his bed. We sat in silence for a bit, as I examined the map on the wall. My eyes slipped to the southern part of the map, near Phoenix and the red and yellow surrounding it.

_This can't be easy for you. I'm sorry I wasn't there._

I cleared my throat. "No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to add to your burdens," I apologized, rubbing my hands on my thighs.

 _Edward,_ he turned his head to me and opened his eyes as he winced at the light. _I wish I could help you get through this._

"I appreciate it, but I doubt I'd let you even if you could. I need this. The anger, the grief, it keeps me going." I bent my head down, thinking of Carlisle and how much I needed him. I didn't know how long I could keep this mask up, but until he was here with us, guiding us, someone needed to fill his shoes.

_You going to share those emotions coming off you? Or am I going to have to guess?_

"It's nothing." I looked up at him, giving him a half smile.

_Carlisle?_

I nodded my head in response, and I could feel the wave of anxiety slowly rolling off of him. He didn't need to worry about this as well, so I changed the subject, as best I could. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

He took a deep breath and turned on his side to face me. _I need you to take me back to where I was._

"None of us are separating again, and that's final," I said glaring at him.

_I can't do this to Alice or the rest of you. I'll be fine, but you have to leave me there._

"Save it, because I'm not taking you. Nothing good will come of it." He went to protest, but I held up my hand to stop him. "Every time this family separates, something bad happens, and I'm not about to look Alice in the eye and tell her we lost you too." He had managed to open both his eyes, and his jaw was clenched in anger, pretty much mirroring my own emotions. "She needs you here, and so do I."

I probably should have agreed to his wishes, it probably would have helped him heal much faster, but I needed to be selfish at the moment. Alice would not be able to handle being away from him and would insist on going, and I doubted Esme would let them go. There was no way her or I would leave without Carlisle and she would be forced to choose between Jasper and Alice, and Carlisle and me. I couldn't let her be faced with that decision, she wasn't strong enough.

 _Fine._ He had rolled away from me, putting his back toward me. _You going to tell me about Carlisle, then?_

I scoffed at him, shaking my head. He always could read me so well.

We had dropped the argument, settling on watching a movie to keep things neutral between us. I was trying my best to keep my emotions in check, but it was difficult to fight against his. I found myself slipping if I didn't concentrate as well. I doubted either of us was even paying attention to the movie, and about halfway through, he had become so quiet, I almost would have thought he had fallen asleep if it was possible. His mind was quiet to me, and I had to stand up to peek around the chair to see if he was actually still there. He was there, which was even more troublesome.

"Jasper?" I asked hesitantly.

I waited for him to answer me, but he didn't stir. His body was still and his mind was silent.

"Jasper?" I said again, a little louder, but still there was nothing. A few choice words were running through my head as I moved toward him trying to control my panic, that was the last thing he needed. My hand hovered over his shoulder, not sure if I wanted to touch him, but I didn't really have a choice. I just needed to give him a little shake, so I warily placed my hand on his shoulder, and the instant I made contact, I gasped, reeling backward landing on the floor. My mind and body registering the horror of the emotions he was dealing with.

My touch seemed to do the trick, however, because Jasper's eyes shot straight open, almost in as much shock as I was. He cursed, letting out a string of profanities, before focusing on my face.

 _I told you to leave me, not to touch me,_ he said, his voice weary and tired.

I was now in full panic mode. I had no idea the extent of which he was suffering. Here I thought my silly story from earlier had done something to ease his spirit, but I realized he was just being kind. I started to pace around the room, desperately trying to think of what could be done. I was adamant that we not leave him, we couldn't do that, but staying in the bunker was definitely not helping him either. I just didn't know how we were going to be able to move him, and then there was Carlisle to think about. We couldn't leave the city without him. I wanted to scream in frustration, I wanted to cry out, and I wanted to curl up into a ball and wish it all away. Everything, all of it.

I stormed to the back of the bunker, toward the animal pens. He was so weak, if I could just get him to feed, surely that would help him. I was not myself, I knew this, but nothing was stopping me from doing what I thought was right. Searching the room, completely manic, I ripped open the first cage I came across and grabbed a rabbit by the ears as it twisted and turned in my tight grip, its heart racing in panic as it struggled to get free. The rabbit let out an ear-splitting howl, knowing it was in danger and fearing for its life, but I held firm as I carried it back out to the main room. Jasper needed to get stronger and the only way he was going to do that was by feeding.

He was huddled on the hospital bed, his back turned to me, his mind was still a murky mess, but at this point I didn't really care. I walked around the other side of the bed, thrusting the rabbit in his face while its howls continued to echo off the concrete walls.

"You have to feed," I said over the screams, my chest pumping up and down, haggard breaths forcing their way out through the anger that was building inside of me.

 _Don't._ It was the only thing he could manage to communicate, as his expression twisted in anguish.

"You have to. It'll help," I pleaded with him, my anger turning to desperation. "If you want to be moved, you have to get stronger." I couldn't concentrate on his thoughts, the rabbit's futile attempts at trying to break free from my grip and its cries were making it too difficult.

The predator in me, took over and I bit into its neck, hoping the scent of the blood would trigger something in Jasper. My venom hit the rabbit's bloodstream, immediately causing it to still. Its heart continued to pump, pushing the blood out through the wound, deep red on white, causing it to drip on the mattress and Jasper's sleeve. I heard the _drip_ , _drip, drip_ of the blood as everything in the room was silent, everything except for my forced breaths as my chest pumped up and down trying to fill with air I didn't need.

But Jasper did not move. His eyes were clenched tightly closed, and his lip was turned up in disgust. I continued to beg him to try, offering promises to take him anywhere he wanted if he would just drink. I was just about to attempt to force feed him, when I heard the metal clink of the door being opened. It swung open, and on the other side stood a horrified Emmett, his mouth open and his thoughts running wild as he glanced upon the bloody scene I had created.

"Edward! What the …."

**2016 **-:-** Present Day**

Being down in a bunker again was starting to weigh heavily on me. It was bringing up painful memories that I had chosen to bury long ago. With the wolves and the memories of the past, I felt suffocated underneath the ground, and I understood the reason for the empty hospital beds, and why the people refused to come down here unless it was absolutely necessary. My anxiety was becoming unbearable and I silently pleaded with Carlisle to move this conversation above ground.

With Seth, Charlie and Sam helping us unpack the rest of the supplies we had left in the Jeep, the time passed by quickly. I was itching to get out of here, and even though Carlisle's thoughts were neutral and concentrating on the task at hand, I was hoping he felt the same way. There had always been the possibility of the wolves being around, but after all these years, and everything the world had gone through we just hadn't expected that kind of reaction from Jacob Black. Their nature was to fear us, and fear brought about hatred no matter how much time had passed. We were archenemies, through and through, and the wolves were going to make it difficult for my family.

We had gathered quite a crowd with the anticipation of what kind of supplies we had brought. People were pleasant and thoughtful as they tried to get a closer look, Charlie only having to reprimand them once or twice to back up. I watched Carlisle as he joked with the kids, and a few of the adults, he looked so comfortable in that moment. For years, I was used to watching him interact with his patients, always keeping a careful distance from them. Whether it was his demeanor as a doctor, or his attire—always in a suit jacket and tie—he kept that invisible barrier up that clearly meant everything was strictly professional. Now, I watched him as he smiled and laughed amongst the humans. With the sleeves of his blue-buttoned shirt rolled up to his elbows, and his khaki pants dusted with the red soil from the ground, he looked at ease, and contented in everything he was doing. I caught his eye, and he gave me the widest grin as he lifted a couple of the kids onto the hood of the jeep.

 _It's been such a long time_ _. To see people laughing like this is truly remarkable. I hope the family will get a chance to experience this._ Carlisle nodded at me, noticing something over my shoulder. _Looks like someone is anxious to see you._

Lifting the last of the supplies out of the back of the jeep, I turned to see Angela in the crowd smiling excitedly. She was standing beside a man I recognized as Ben, looking much the same, only a little taller and older. She waved me over as I placed the last bag of rice down on the pile.

"Ben, you remember Edward!" Angela said.

He smiled genuinely and offered his hand. "Edward, it's good to see you again." His thoughts were wild with excitement, and I was curious behind the reasoning. "I know you're leaving, but I was wondering when you'll be back?"

"I–I'm not sure. That's up to my father," I said vaguely, because as it stood I wasn't sure when we could come back. We didn't want to risk a war with the wolves, and we needed to come to an agreement before we came back to the compound, that much was apparent.

"Well, how about a few days from now? That should give us enough time." Just as he finished speaking, another man around his age came rushing up, tripping over one of his shoelaces, bumping into Angela, knocking her forward. I quickly, but gently, reached for her before she hit the ground.

"Tyler!" she yelled. "Thank you, Edward. Tyler has about as much grace as a bull in a china shop."

"Sorry, I tripped," he said sheepishly before turning his attentions back to me. "Edward! It _is_ you. You look exactly the same, a little older but the same." His words came out in a rush, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Tyler." I nodded my head. "I guess I could say the same about you. You haven't changed a bit."

Angela and Ben laughed, knowing exactly what I had meant.

"What? What's so funny?" Tyler looked back and forth between them, clearly not understanding the meaning behind my words. He shrugged his shoulders while he turned to question Ben. "Did you ask him?"

"Yeah, he thinks so, but in a couple of days," Ben answered.

Tyler's thoughts were a little more erratic and I finally understood what they were asking of me. They wanted us, 'the Cullens,' to come see what they had done with the supplies we had stocked the bunker with. Carlisle must have left them with the means to create solar panels to generate some electricity. They had them up and running and were generating electricity for some of the buildings. Their next project was to create some kind of wind turbines, and they wanted to ask us for some input. They were extremely proud of their accomplishments, as they should have been, but I couldn't understand why they wanted us to see it so badly. My face must have had an expression of confusion, because Angela felt the need to explain.

"They wanted to show you it wasn't a waste," she said quietly. "That we weren't wasting what your family so generously gave us all those years ago …" she shrugged her shoulders, a gesture I had seen her do countless times back in high school, "that we were worth it." She looked down at her belly, her hands rubbing small circles on it. Ben came up behind her placing his hands over hers, lovingly. The affectionate gesture caused an ache in me that I had long forgotten. It was tender and loving and it broke my heart. I tried my best to mask my emotions as my breathing intensified. I hadn't expected to feel any of this. This entire day had been a roller coaster of emotions and I needed to get out of here. I desperately wanted my solitary life back. I didn't want to have to care about any of these people. I no longer wished to _feel_ anything.

"Edward!" Carlisle called, saving me from having to respond.

"Time to go," I said. "It was really great to see you again." I looked at each of them. "It's been too long."

Angela awkwardly moved toward me, wrapping her arms around me, and asked that I promise to return soon. I was overwhelmed by the last few minutes and all I could do was nod in response while I tried to mask my discomfort with some humor. "Tell Mike Newton I said 'hi.'"

"Oh, I'm sure he'll be gutted to have missed you," she said in return, rolling her eyes.

I gave them all one final wave then jumped in the passenger seat of the Jeep. I could feel Carlisle's eyes boring into me, grinning like a fool to be sure.

_You're smiling again_ _. I've missed it._

"Don't get to used it," I snapped. "Let's go." I turned my head pulling my ball cap further down, hiding my eyes from him.

We drove toward the gates, while the children ran after us screaming and waving goodbye. Carlisle beeped the horn a few times in return, waving his hand out the window as we made our way up the winding road. We had passed through the final gates, acknowledging the men manning it and were just about to turn onto the highway when an enormous brown beast ran in front of the Jeep's headlights. We only caught a glimpse of it, but it was almost as tall as the roof. I knew right away it was a wolf, having recognized the thoughts of the man Jacob referred to as Quil.

Carlisle slammed on the brakes, both of us getting out of the car, cautiously. The wolf was alone, I could tell that much, but I couldn't see him. I heard growling to my right and quickly turned, crouching down ready to defend myself as the beast stepped from the shadow of the trees. My mouth dropped open in shock, my eyes were wide with wonder. The thing was _huge,_ and not at all like what I had remembered. His lips were turned up, growling and I could see the large, razor-like teeth lining his mouth. The most curious thing was the collection of voices I could hear. I couldn't smell any other wolves, yet I could hear them. Quickly turning, I scanned the woods to my left and right, making sure I wasn't missing something. Carlisle reassured me there were no others as he came to stand beside me, but yet I could still hear them.

"Quil, is it?" I asked. "Have you come to talk with us?"

Again, I could hear the voices, and I could make out Jacob's voice as he commanded Quil to speak on his behalf.

"You know I can read minds, don't you?" He said 'yes' in his head, whining a little while nodding.

 _Fascinating,_ Carlisle thought.

"Well, I can tell you're very apprehensive at the moment." Quil's whining continued, but his thoughts were steady. "You have a message for us from Jacob?" He nodded again, and relayed the message. "A formal meeting, we can do that," I responded. "The treaty boundary tomorrow night at midnight where I crossed the line. We'll be there."

"We want a guarantee it's just to talk," Carlisle spoke up.

"They agree," I offered, speaking on Quil's behalf, and with that, the wolf turned, taking off back in the direction of where he had come from.

Neither one of us said a word for awhile as we continued the drive back home, both of us were going over the day's events. The way the compound was flourishing, seeing old friends, the clinic, the wolves, it was a lot to process. I remembered the look on Carlisle's face as he truly interacted with the people in the compound and his wishes that the family would get a chance to experience what we had today. This was exactly what I had been hoping for, that my family could finally be at peace somewhere. Ten years of being constantly on the move, never knowing what to expect, never relaxing and never smiling had played its toll on each of them. Seeing Carlisle today had given me some sort of semblance of hope. If I could secure their future, then I could secure my own, and I too could be at peace.

"Carlisle," I interrupted the silence in the Jeep. "If they offer that deal again, we're going to take it," I said with finality.

_You know I can't agree to that._

"You will, you have to. It's a chance for you to stay here. The family will have a place to call home. You have to take it." I spoke with conviction. "Besides , you know my intentions anyway. So this will …"

"Kill two birds with one stone? No, Edward, this is not the way," he said.

"It makes perfect sense. If my death brings peace to this family then I'll gladly do it."

"No. End of discussion. I won't allow you to sacrifice yourself to those volatile wolves."

"Carlisle," I said under my breath, pausing to look at him, "you know what I'm trying to tell you, and now you're not ready to listen. You said you would be." I looked at him, the dashboard lights, illuminating his face which was full of affliction. "I want to die. I have no reason to live anymore." It was much easier to say this to him after today. I knew the moment I watched Ben place his arms around Angela there was no other road for me. I would never have those moments, those tender touches and I didn't want to be reminded of it anymore. I was finished with my task, and now my time was up. "I know you and the family can make a life here, but I can't. All I've ever wanted was a place for you to be safe and happy, to start a new life. Knowing this, I can finally let go."

_You can be happy here too._

"My time on this earth is done. I don't want to be here anymore. Can you accept that?" I pleaded with him, but his eyes remained focused on the road. We stayed that way for a few minutes, neither one of us giving in, when eventually I whispered, "Everything I've done in the last ten years was for her."

His head snapped around, turning in my direction, a look of shock crossed his face.

"For Bella," I clarified, but his thoughts were still confused. "You tell me there is a God, even after all that we've seen and been through. You tell me I have a soul, even after all that I've done. Well, I want to believe that . I'm trying to believe that. Just like I want to believe Bella is out there waiting for me. You keep telling me we, our kind, will be judged fairly by our actions, just like every human on this earth." I furrowed my eyebrows, swallowing as I continued, "I'm ready to face my judgment, Carlisle. And hopefully that means I'll be with her again."

I knew my words had completely thrown him, but I also knew he wouldn't be able to deny me this request. "You should also know I've asked Emmett to help me," I added quietly.

He was silent for a long time as his mind processed my words. He tried to concentrate on the road, and I left him to his thoughts doing my best to block them out.

He cleared his throat. "You should have come to me. It wasn't fair to ask Emmett to do this." His voice cracked. "He'll carry that burden for eternity. It's _my_ burden to carry. I made you what you are. It was my sin."

"By agreeing to this, neither you nor Emmett has to carry this burden. This is my chance. If Jacob Black asks for my life, I'll give it freely."

"No. I _can't_ do that." He turned his head from me, and was staring into the blackness of the night through the driver's side window. I could see the pained expression on his face in the reflection, and it only mirrored his thoughts. _I'm not ready to let you go._

"This is it, Carlisle. This is that last sacrifice for the family. Don't you see? _This_ is my salvation. Please, I need you of all people to see that." I spoke calmly and reverently, trying not to evoke any more emotions from either of us. There was no need to argue with him, I couldn't change his mind, just as he knew he couldn't change mine. We continued to drive in silence for the remainder of the ride back to the house. As we finally pulled up to the garage, he turned the ignition off, resting his hands on the steering wheel staring straight ahead. It was dark in the cab of the Jeep the only light coming from the candles in the window of the front foyer of the house. He took a deep breath leaning his head on the steering wheel, resting his forehead on his hands. A few more deep breaths came from him when he finally turned his head to the side so I could see his face while he sought out my eyes.

"I will not offer this as a solution, but if they demand it, I will _consider_ it. That's all I can agree to, Edward." We stared at each other for a moment longer, and I realized he would never willingly give me up, but that didn't mean I couldn't make my own deal with the wolves.

We reached—what I liked to call—an impasse, both of us too caught up in our irrational emotions to come to any agreeable decision, so we reluctantly left the silence of the Jeep. Walking in the front door, we were immediately engulfed in a maelstrom of activity. There wasn't an inch of space to be found on the floor in the front room. Alice and Esme were on their knees, bent over, drawing on a large piece of plywood. From what I could tell, they were drawing pumpkins for some strange reason. Throughout the room were pieces of material I didn't even know we had, and paint and supplies that I had assumed were long gone.

 _How can two people cause so much damage?_ Carlisle said to me just as shocked as I was.

"Oh good, you're back!" Alice squealed jumping up and hugging us both. "How was it? What's it like?" For some strange reason, I had a feeling that Alice already knew what it was like, and this was the reason for the mess in the living room.

"What are you two doing?" Carlisle asked skeptically, walking over to Esme to give her a kiss hello.

"Never you mind. We'll tell you soon enough," Esme said smirking, giving him a knowing look. Of course she couldn't guard her thoughts from me, and I spilled what they had been planning.

"A festival?" I asked, leaning up against the door jam, smiling at Alice.

"Not just a festival, silly, a harvest festival!" She poked me in the stomach before returning to sit across from Esme again.

"But there's nothing to harvest," I said stating the obvious.

"Nothing yet, but there will be! Besides it's going to take months to plan, and by that time, everything that we planted will be ready to harvest." She dipped her paint brush in the orange paint and started coloring her pumpkin.

"Mmhmm." Carlisle folded his arms giving them both a look that said they were slightly crazy. "And just who do you hope to invite to this harvest festival," he teased them.

"Oh, shush up, stop being a stick in the mud, you know darn well who this is for." Esme waved her paintbrush at him telling us she didn't appreciate our negativity.

"Well, don't you want to hear how today went first, before going overboard with all this?" I asked, while taking a stroll around the room marveling at what they had managed to get done in the time we were gone.

"Of course we do, but it's not going to change the outcome of what we're planning. I _know_ that already," Alice mused.

She really was getting to be her old self again. I had missed the smug little psychic, I was starting to realize. "Another _feeling_ , Alice? You seem to be having a few of those lately."

"Oh! So the handkerchief was needed? I knew it! Tell me all about it." She jumped up pulling me into the kitchen. "Who was she?"

I looked back at Carlisle who was giving me an apologetic look. _We'll discuss the meeting later. Don't even think about going alone._

Alice and I had spent the rest of the evening discussing my visit to the compound and her plans for the harvest festival. Her excitement was a little infectious and she shared her ideas and how she hoped to bridge the distance between us and the people of Forks and La Push. Esme and Alice had spent the entire day taking food inventory and planning on what would be needed to make the festival happen. I knew this was a defense mechanism of sorts, to keep her mind occupied from having to worry about Jasper. She needed something to keep her busy, or she was more than likely to run after him.

We eventually joined Esme and Carlisle in the living room and discussed the meeting we were to have with the wolves tomorrow night. Alice and Esme insisted they come with us, even against Carlisle's wishes, but they refused to sit back at the house waiting and there really was no arguing with the two of them. I was a little apprehensive of them coming. They would not like my plan if it came up, and would never agree to it, but perhaps I could speak on my own with Jacob somehow. There was always the option to make the deal without having the family involved.

.

WE LEFT A LITTLE after eleven the next evening, running through the backwoods toward the treaty boundary. The night air was thick with dew but eerily silent once again. Esme and Carlisle were ahead of Alice and me, and even she was not her usual self. Something was weighing heavily on her mind, but it was a scattering of scenarios that were playing out in her head. My guess was that she was trying every possible scenario that could happen tonight to see if she would _feel_ any different about them.

 _Edward, how many are there?_ she asked.

"I'm not sure. There were three of them in the bunker, but I thought I could make out more in the one's thoughts. I know the man, Sam, _was_ one at some point, but I don't think he's a wolf anymore."

 _Like he gave it up? Can they do that?_ she questioned, confused.

"I really don't know if they can or can't, but yeah, it seemed that way. Why? What do you think?"

 _I have nothing, that's the problem. Yesterday, before you an_ _d Carlisle left, I just knew everything was going to turn out okay. I had nothing in particular to go by, it was all kind of fuzzy, but I just knew. But tonight_ _there's nothing. It's like a black hole again._ Her brow was furrowed in concentration and her lips were pursed as she tried to think of crazy scenarios that involved a few timber wolves and us and possibly things getting out of hand.

"I hate to break it to you, Alice, but those wolves are _not_ timber wolves," I said chuckling at her images of a friendly pack of wolves that maybe came up to our waist. I knew she had never been exposed to the wolves, Alice and Jasper came after the treaty was signed with Ephraim Black, but the idea of Jacob Black as a timid timber wolf was almost laughable. "The one we saw was as big as a horse. Maybe that's why it's not working. You're imagining the wrong kind of wolves."

She stuck her tongue out in a typical Alice fashion, but to my surprise she jumped on my back, piggyback style. "Just when I think it's coming back, it's like it's wiped clean again. You have no idea how frustrating it is. Like with Jasper, I'm trying to track him, and there's nothing clear, but I know he is alive."

"Isn't that just because you're connected to him though?" I turned my head to look at her over my shoulder as I continued to carry us through the forest maneuvering around the decayed stumps.

"Yes and no. It's different. I know he's alive, because we're connected, like soul mates, but also because there's something else to it. I know I'd feel it if his life was threatened." She shrugged her shoulders. "It's not something I can explain really, but whatever is blocking my visions—albeit my own mind—it's getting easier to break through."

"Except for tonight."

"Except for tonight," she grumbled through clenched teeth

I smiled at her, elated that she was reaffirming her faith in her love for Jasper. She would never give up hope again and it was comforting. I too had never given up my hope in Bella. I had stayed true to what I believed—that she was waiting for me wherever it was. For the first few years, I struggled with the idea she was gone. I had never seen her body, only visions of her death in Victoria's sick mind. I always wondered if she could have survived the she-devil's plans. But Emmett had convinced me of what he had found, and despite my hesitation to believe him, eventually I had given in. Even when we went back to Phoenix, I went back to the house, or what should have been the house, but there was nothing left. We scoured the surrounding districts for any possible word of her or Renee, but we came up with nothing. I had been running on empty, desperately clinging to something I knew was impossible.

I knew what Alice was talking about. I had always felt Bella's presence in my life, like there was always a little spark of hope buried deep in my chest, burning intently. When I came to in the bunker, that spot for the spark was still there, but it had smoldered, and eventually I had come to the hard realization that she was gone to another world, hopefully still waiting for me.

"Edward," Alice said softly in my ear, "I wish you'd reconsider." She leaned her cheek up against the back of my head and she gripped me tighter.

"Please, Alice, Don't," I said with as much reverence as possible.

 _I can't imagine life without you._ Alice's thoughts shifted to the time we spent in the bunker. All these memories had been resurfacing since we arrived back in Forks. It was odd that in the last ten years, none of us really liked to remember that time, but there was something about being back here that was causing us all to relive that time, whether we wanted to or not.

.

WE ARRIVED AT THE meeting place with plenty of time to spare, and all we could do was patiently wait for the wolves to arrive. Esme sat on the same rock that Rosalie had only days ago, while Alice and Carlisle were nearby, looking at the dried up streambed off in the distance. Esme was itching to ask me a few questions about my time in the compound, but didn't really know how to broach the subject. She had overheard Alice and I talking about Angela Weber, or Cheney, I corrected myself, and she was curious if I had seen any of my other former classmates.

"A few," I answered her thoughts. "And, yes, they did recognize me." I smiled at her. She really was my mother, and it was like she was asking me how my first day at school was. "They want me to come back," I said, offering a little more information. I wasn't sure why I did, I knew she would try and twist it into something it really wasn't. Immediately, her thoughts were happy and excited, and maybe that was why I volunteered it, just to appease her worries.

"Do you think we'll all get to go?" she asked.

"I guess that depends on the outcome of this meeting. I have a hard time believing that Jacob Black will allow that many of us in the compound at one time. Especially if Emmett comes back, it won't be easy."

She nodded her head, sweeping her hair away from her forehead. She was disappointed at my words, and looked up into the sky trying to hide her grim expression. It was a cloudy night, just like most nights, but there were a few stars out, and a sliver of a new moon was visible. I almost expected it be full thinking of the wolves, even though I knew their transitions weren't based on the cycle of the moon.

"Any idea when our guests will arrive?" Esme asked, her voice trying to sound strong.

I concentrated for a moment, and then sighed. "Any minute now, but I'll have to translate. They're coming in wolf form, they don't trust us enough not to."

Alice and Carlisle heard our exchange and were at my side in an instant as Esme stood up to join them. We heard a high-pitched howl straight ahead, and each of us was ready for the unexpected.

My mouth twisted into a grin as I saw an image of another timber wolf flash in Alice's mind.

"Prepare yourself, Alice—it's not what you think." I shook my head chuckling at her images.

"Shut it! It's all I have to go on." She gave me a quick shove as I continued to laugh at her.

"Shh," Carlisle cautioned, as he stared past the two of us into the darkness. _You're acting like children._

Esme reached out to grab Carlisle's hand, her other reaching for Alice. Both Carlisle and I were on the outside, just slightly ahead of them forming a protection of sorts.

Alice gasped. _Damn,_ she said in her head. _I take it back._

Carlisle and I exchanged wary looks, not really believing what we were seeing. In the blackness, shadows were moving, and five sets of eyes shone bright, definitely higher up than where Alice had been expecting them. She was finally realizing what I meant by 'tall as a horse.'

 _Five of them?_ she questioned her own eyes, and I nodded slightly as I counted the five voices in my head. _They're huge!_

They had stopped moving quite a few yards away from us, staying on their side of the treaty line, not willing to come any further. I couldn't distinguish which one was Jacob, but I assumed he was the wolf out in front.

Carlisle let go of Esme's hand and took a slow and deliberate step forward, raising his hands just like he had back in the bunker. He wanted to reassure them that we meant no harm, and, he too, stayed on his side of the boundary.

"Thank you for coming," Carlisle greeted the wolves, waiting for them to respond through me.

I isolated Jacob's thoughts from everyone else, it was fairly easy as the rest of them were quiet, relinquishing their right to speak to their pack leader. Jacob wanted to forgo the pleasantries, and was not about to thank us for meeting him, or introduce the rest of the pack. I had promised to relay exactly what was being said by Jacob, without any filtering. I was not impressed with his thoughts about Carlisle, and I responded in a flat tone, trying to remain neutral.

"We have business to discuss," I said in a detached voice, repeating Jacob's words. I did manage to leave out the word 'bloodsucker' thinking it wasn't relevant to the conversation.

"Yes we do," Carlisle answered, "there _is_ much to discuss, and this treaty boundary is just one of them."

I was still having trouble discerning Jacob's form from the others, but I heard his questioning thoughts and I saw him shift uncomfortably in the darkness. Carlisle's words had taken him by surprise, but he quickly recovered wondering where the 'others' of us were. He knew from Charlie there were seven of us, and he was thinking we were planning on ambushing them.

"We would never do that," I responded bitterly, disgusted at his thoughts.

"Edward!" Carlisle said raising his voice at me. _We discussed this. Tell me what they're thinking. I will speak for the family._

I heard a deep rumble in Jacob's chest and I was sure he was laughing at me. _Daddy fights your battles does he?_

I stiffened at his words, and Esme and Alice could feel my anger and before I could move, their hands were on my arms, silently begging me to calm down.

 _He wants you to cross the line again. Edward, don't let him get to you this time._ Carlisle was in my head reassuring me that he would handle it. I knew what Jacob was trying to do, but still I couldn't help myself. That _kid_ always knew how to push my buttons.

"He wants to know where the others are," I mumbled reluctantly. "He thinks they're out here with us, like a trap," I added, mocking his fear.

"My son, Emmett, and daughter, Rosalie, have gone up North in search of friends," Carlisle said with a hint of trepidation in his voice, knowing that mentioning 'others' was not something they wanted to hear. And sure enough the pack shifted nervously while letting out little cries of distress. Jacob's thoughts turned venomous, telling the others that he "knew we were gathering more forces."

Carlisle didn't need to read their thoughts to know what they were thinking. "It's not what you think. Yes, we went in search of others like us, but there's a very good reason why we've done so. My other son, Jasper, Alice's husband," Carlisle gestured to Alice as a way of introducing her to them, trying to bring an element of humanity into the conversation, "has gone down to the South. There's a war brewing down there, and he went to scout around to see how serious it's become." Carlisle's voice was solid and reassuring, and exhibited a level of calm that was definitely needed as a rumble passed down the shadowy line of wolves.

"Your wars do not concern us," I translated for Jacob.

"They will if our assumptions are correct." Carlisle took another step toward the line, and the wolves shifted uncomfortably again as low whines continued to emit from their chests. "Look, I know you don't trust us, but I'm asking you to let the treaty I made with your great-grandfather stand. We're friends, even if you choose not to believe us, and you're going to need us if this war comes North."

"We'll never need your help." My words were quiet and lacking emotion as I spoke for Jacob. I shook my head frustrated that he was so unwilling to work with us, or even hear us out. I recognized another voice in my head, one from the bunker, not Quil, but the other Quileute who had been with them.

_Jake, think of what Billy said._

_Shut up, Embry! My father's an old man and doesn't know what it means to be a wolf._ The shadow I had assumed had been Jacob, turned its head to the left, snapping his jaws at the slightly smaller shadow beside him. _Maybe you don't either._

I couldn't stand idly by anymore, and with as much calm and reserve that I could muster, I spoke to him as evenly as I could. "Jacob," I felt Carlisle stir beside me, but I refused to look at him as I continued, "it's obvious things will never be amicable between your people and my family, but eventually this war is coming whether you choose to believe it or not. It's a new world now." I took a small step forward, standing beside Carlisle now, hoping Jacob would put aside his anger to just listen to us this once. "And we think there are a good number of _vampire_ that wish to change it even further." My voice was soft and slow, deliberately trying to keep myself under control while his menacing thoughts continued to scoff at my words. "I'm not sure how much you've heard of, what some humans are calling, 'Ravagers,' but they're not what they appear to be, at least we don't think so. Jasper, my brother, is down there now based on these assumptions."

The two wolves on either side of Jacob moved backward, breaking their ranks, despite Jacob's protests. They disappeared briefly, even though I could still hear their thoughts. The other two wolves growled their disapproval and stepped forward joining Jacob, flanking his sides. A few seconds later, the same two Quileute from the bunker appeared from out of the shadows of the trees in human form, each wearing cut off shorts to cover some of their nakedness.

Jacob's growls intensified as did the other two wolves, as the man named Embry walked closer to the treaty line.

"I'm sorry, Jake, but this is foolish. We need to hear them out," Embry said, clearly frustrated with his pack leader. "You can order me to stop, and I'll have no choice but to listen, but you're wrong about this."

"There's too much at stake, Jake," Quil said, also walking toward us, "and your judgment's clouded."

Jacob was furious with his pack, and I was certain there was going to be hell to pay once this meeting was over, but for now, there was nothing Jacob could do, so he ordered the other two to stay in wolf form as he ran back to the trees to shift back to his human form. A few seconds later he emerged dressed the same as Quil and Embry.

His expression was enraged as he glared at the other two, and they gave him a sheepish smile in return, knowing full well the extent of their actions.

"This still changes nothing, leeches. We'll listen but it doesn't change anything," he growled through clenched teeth. "What does your psychic see?"


	17. A Problem Shared is a Problem Halved

**CHAPTER 16**

****-:-** A Problem Shared is a Problem Halved **-:-****

* * *

**2016 **-:-** Present Day**

We spent the rest of the evening filling the wolves in on the last few years of our travels and what we had discovered of the _Ravagers_. The wolves listened with their full attention, only interrupting when something wasn't clear. We had our own questions about the pack and the dynamics of the tribe and they answered our questions, but never offered anything that wasn't asked.

It seemed Sam Uley had been pack leader before the bombs, and for few years later. After deciding a vampire threat no longer existed, he decided to pass the proverbial torch to Jacob, his next in command, so he could raise a family with his wife. He was considered a revered tribal elder among the Quileutes, and even though the tribe lived alongside the people of Forks, they still stuck to their way of life as much as possible, and all things tribal related were discussed amongst the elders. Sam acted as a liaison between the two communities in the compound, swiftly serving justice when called upon. Charlie, for the most part, handled the 'white man,' while Sam handled the tribe.

The wolves had managed to keep their secret with only the tribal elders and the pack knowing what they really were. Quileute's like Seth and Leah were still unaware of their existence, believing the stories to be only legends. I wondered what would happen if the time came and all of our secrets, or legends, would need to be revealed.

"I still don't see how this is going to affect us. We're so far removed from it…we've had a handful of visitors in the last ten years," Quil spoke, shooting Jacob a look of apology for speaking.

"If these vampires choose to make known what they are, no human will be safe," Carlisle said.

 _They're like a disease_ _…_ _they spread,_ Jacob's thoughts came loud and clear. I turned to glare at him, and he shot me a wicked grin. _Don't like it? Don't listen._

Earlier in the night, we had asked how they had known so much about us and our abilities. Charlie had eventually gone to Harry Clearwater after Carlisle, Esme and I had visited him. He was questioning his doubts and thought he would share the entire conversation with Harry over some beers hoping Harry would reassure him that my family was indeed crazy. But Harry believed the story, and convinced him to take Carlisle's warnings seriously. As a tribal elder, he knew that some vampires possessed special abilities, and he took the story to the pack and the other elders. They had known about Alice and I since before the bombs. Jacob was taking full advantage of this knowledge now, and even though he was a little disappointed to hear Alice's visions were no longer working, he was fairly smug about the idea that she was "broken," at least that is how he thought of her.

"I've seen this before, a few hundred years ago. But back then we had our own Order to deal with it. We don't know if they survived, for all we know, it could even be them who are responsible. Obviously, we'll know more once Jasper comes back," Carlisle said, standing up to stretch.

The night was coming to an end. We could hear a few of the morning birds singing their songs that signaled dawn was approaching. We had managed to remain amicable during the discussion. It was far from a picture of a campfire sing-along, but for the most part everyone behaved, each of us settling on the forest floor and stretching out as we told stories of how we had all fared over the years.

The wolves had done their part to protect and provide for the compound. They were fierce hunters, and supplied the compound with as much fresh meat as they could find. Things remained relatively quiet for the people of Forks and La Push, and in all the years, they had never crossed the scent of a single vampire … until now. I could understand their animosity toward us, having thought the vampire was gone, they had begun to relax and think of their futures, just as Sam had. Now with our arrival, things would have to be re-evaluated again. A few of them harbored bitterness, like Jacob, while some of the others were just excited that something was happening having grown bored of their mundane lives.

Nothing had been said about the altercation between Jacob and me. I knew Carlisle was hoping it would remain that way, but from Jacob's thoughts it wasn't going to happen. He'd had about enough with the niceties, and wanted to assert his dominance once again before heading back to the compound.

"We've heard what you've had to say, and we'll take it under consideration. I've not forgotten about the broken treaty." He looked directly at me, and with the growing light it was easy to see the hateful expression on his face. I felt my lip curl in return as a slight rumble in my chest started.

"But I'm a reasonable man," Jacob said, "we can let it go, for now." He smiled acerbically, thinking he was doing me a big favor. "At least until your other bloodsucker returns and we know what's happening."

Everyone was silent at his words; a few of the members of his pack were shocked that he would bring it up again after all that was shared during the night. Carlisle pleaded silently with me to remain quiet, telling me it was not the time, and I actually agreed with him. I didn't wish for Alice and Esme to hear of my plans this way. Hopefully, I could approach Jacob on my own at some point over the next few weeks. I simply nodded my head slightly, acknowledging that I had heard him. He smiled again, thinking he had gotten the better of me, and it took every ounce of restraint not to respond to his taunts.

Esme and Alice had been quiet for most of the evening, but now both of them were buzzing with a few questions of their own. I groaned internally, knowing full well what they wished to ask, they were just waiting for the right opportunity, but the wolves were getting restless having spent enough time in our presence. The morning breeze had shifted, and they were now downwind of us, and our "sickly sweet" scent was getting to them.

The wolves, realizing the discussion was coming to an end, stood up stretching, just as Carlisle had. Not sure of the etiquette of how to say goodbye to your mortal enemy, they gave a quick nod and started to walk backward toward the woods, still not trusting us to turn their backs on us. Just as they were about to reach the tree line, Alice jumped up unable to contain herself any longer.

"Wait!" she yelled back at them. They stopped in mid-stride curious about what the "little psychic" could want. Out of the four us, they were curious about Alice the most, knowing full well it was her who saved their lives, and if at all possible, they harbored feelings of respect for her.

"I have a favor to ask of you," she said with a grin on her face. "I think I'm entitled to one or two." She knew exactly how to prey on their sympathies. She never ceased to amaze me, and was always a master manipulator with or without her visions.

Quil stepped forward, while Jacob remained behind, his face and thoughts extremely guarded. Quil bowed forward a little, acknowledging that they were willing to listen.

"We want to have a festival. A harvest festival to be precise." The wolves dropped their carefully guarded expressions, not ever having imagined Alice would ask them of that. "In a few months time, our crops will be ready to harvest and we wish to share them. We want the people of Forks and La Push to have a celebration, and we want to be included." She shrugged her shoulders, like it was the most natural question for a vampire to ask. "Will you allow my family and our friends to do this? They're just like us." She paused for a few seconds, taking a deep breath. "We promise no harm will come to anyone." Alice smiled a wide smile, bouncing up and down on her toes, anxiously waiting for their response. "I think we'll need this if we're going to face what might be coming our way," she added trying to emphasize the importance of it. "It's still a few months away and we can discuss the details." She continued to ramble on, now second guessing herself as she waited for the answer she had been hoping to hear.

Esme walked up to her, putting an arm around her shoulder, trying to calm her down a little. "From what my husband tells me, your people have done well for themselves. Won't you let their hardships be celebrated?" Esme said in her typical warming tone, and I could tell her words hit home, evoking some compassion in the wolves. Each of them was suffering a little, their thoughts in turmoil, deciding if we could actually be trusted. To my surprise, it was Jacob who stepped forward.

He nodded his head at Esme, his expression set in stone not giving any emotion away. "For Charlie, we'll allow this." And with that, the wolves turned, disappearing from our sight, running off into the woods.

.

A WEEK WENT BY, Emmett and Rosalie had returned from Alaska, sharing with us their visit with Tanya and her family. They were living a hard life up north, but had done their best with the people of the nearby village who had managed to survive the brutal winters. Without any of the imports of fresh food coming up north, most people moved south or a lot of them perished, at least until Tanya and her family intervened helping them out as much as they could. Despite their wariness of them, the people, for the most part, had accepted them.

Tanya's family had a few things they needed to take care of, but promised Rosalie and Emmett they would be down for a visit as soon as they could. At first, Alice was a little worried about the timing of their visit, anxious they would miss the festival, but she relaxed after a few days, and when I asked her why she simply tapped the side of her head and smiled. She was confident they would be here for the celebrations, and within enough time to help with the final preparations.

Rosalie had reluctantly joined Esme and Alice in preparations for the festival. Secretly I knew Rosalie was happy, even though her sour tone with everyone stated otherwise. She enjoyed hearing about Carlisle's stories of the children and the rest of the people in the compound, and was hoping she would get a chance to visit some time soon. Of course she would never admit it to any of them, but she was happy. And if Jasper was here, he would have gladly betrayed her emotions to everyone, even though I never would. Over the years I had come to learn Rosalie's thoughts were her own, and one of the only ways I could keep her sharpness at bay was to let her keep them to herself. I never understood why she felt the need to keep up the false bravado. I was sure it related back to the days when she was a human, and that fateful night Carlisle had turned her. But even though she refused to show weakness of any kind, I had come to accept it as part of who she was and as much as I would never admit it to her I supposed I loved her for it.

"What?" she snapped, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Nothing." I smiled, realizing I had been staring at her.

She rolled her eyes. "Your turn," she said, throwing the shovel she had been holding at me. She had been using it to dig the hole we were planning on using for an outhouse. Esme had said we needed to have one for human visitors, that it would look suspicious if we didn't have one, so Emmett, Rosalie and I were stuck with the task.

She clapped her hands together, trying to get some of the dirt off. "I'm done. You two _big_ , _strong_ men," she said in a sickeningly sweet voice while batting her eyelashes, "can finish this." Her tone changed to a harsh one as she waved her hand at us, walking off toward the house. "I don't _do_ human excrement."

"Babe! Come on!" Emmett yelled after her, but his yells were futile as she continued walking, ignoring him completely.

This was the first time Emmett and I had been alone since they had come back, and actually it was the first time since we had 'our talk' back at Bella's house. Suddenly I was extremely apprehensive about being alone with him, and I couldn't help but wonder if Rosalie had planned this.

We worked in silence for a while longer, each of us concentrating on the hole. It didn't take us long to finish so we turned to the scraps of lumber we had salvaged and began construction on the four walls for the outhouse. I knew the silence wouldn't last long and Emmett eventually spoke up.

"I've been thinking about our time in the bunker back in Chicago a lot lately," he said quietly, not looking up from hammering nails into the wood. I was a little surprised that this was what he was bringing up. I thought for sure he would want to talk about our earlier discussion and the treaty.

"Me too, actually," I confessed.

"It's weird, huh? We've gone all this time, and none of us talk about it." He stopped hammering and looked up at the house. _What we did was_ _…_ He stopped mid-thought, switching gears. "Do you regret it?"

I took a deep breath, letting out a huge sigh before answering him. What we did was wrong, absolutely. But did I regret it? I thought long and hard, remembering back to that time and how crazy and desperate things had become. I would have done anything to make things right, get them back to normal.

"No. I don't. But would I do it now?" I looked at him, his shoulders were hunched over waiting for my answer. "No. I was in a different place back then. I was grieving, we all were, and we were desperate. I'd like to say, 'we're only human' and we did what we thought was right, but that seems a little … inappropriate."

He nodded his head, while still looking at the house. _If Carlisle had been there, it might've been different._

"It might have, but he wasn't and we did the best we could." I placed a hand on his shoulder, giving him a reassuring squeeze. "Why are you bringing this up now?"

He turned, sitting on the workhorse that we were using to cut the wood. He held the hammer in his hands and was bouncing it up and down, thinking hard about what he was going to say. "It's just, we plan on staying here, right? These humans… we're opening ourselves up to them, and I'm not sure if it's a good idea." His eyebrows knitted together, almost as if he was in a bit of pain. "Rose is so excited, she pretends she isn't, but I know her better than she knows herself. It's going to kill her if something happens . If we can't stay."

He was right. Anything could happen, all it would take would be a little slip from any one of us, and the idea of this picture perfect home would be shattered.

"And Esme, and Carlisle, they haven't been this happy in a long time. They're back to being _affectionate_. Have you noticed?" Emmett's lip turned up a bit in disgust, like a son's would if he walked in on his parents in an intimate embrace.

I laughed at the image that he was portraying in his head. "Yes, believe me, I _have_ noticed." I tapped the side of my head, reminding him that I was a lot more privy to things than just the visual stuff.

"Ew, right! Sorry." He chuckled, but his voice soon turned grave. Scowling, he continued. "It's just, I've a bad feeling that this can't last. And being back here, feels wrong, Edward. It's not how it should be, this was not how it was supposed to be. We _all_ deserve the happy ending."

"Emmett …" I tried to cut him off, but he kept talking.

"I don't deserve this, not after what I did," he stopped me abruptly, looking up at me earnestly. "That's why I agreed to 'help you,' you know?" And there it was. I knew this conversation was coming, I just didn't realize how much he had thought about it to the extent he had.

"Listen, Emmett , Carlisle was right. It was wrong of me to ask that of you. I'm sorry. I never should have."

"Wait . Carlisle knows?" He sucked in a breath. _How did that go down?_ he thought silently, shocked I had confessed to Carlisle.

"How do you think?" I said dryly.

He snorted, laughing at the idea of Carlisle and me having that conversation. Shaking my head, I couldn't help but grin alongside him. Only he would see the humor in that conversation. Emmett was strong and solid, and usually fairly carefree—always had been—so when he was serious like he was now it was never to be taken lightly.

"Carlisle and I came to an understanding, and when, not _if_ , the time comes, he said he would be the one," I said quietly, feeling a little uncomfortable having this conversation with him again. I never should have involved him, but again, at the time I thought it was the best option I had.

As if he could read my thoughts he said, "I'm glad you asked me . I've my own penance too. And if you're still determined, I stand by my promise." He sighed, smiling sadly up at me.

"Well, it may turn out differently. The wolves may want a sacrifice for the treaty…"

At hearing my words, Emmett's thoughts turned fierce. "WHAT!" he yelled. _After all we've done for those lousy, mangy mutts! No way, Edward! No freakin' way!_ He slammed the hammer down on the piece of plywood, splitting it in two with the force of his blow. "I won't let them have the satisfaction," he said through enraged breaths. " _Never_."

I could see why Carlisle had been adamant about getting Emmett away for a little bit, at least until we had the chance to scope things out at the compound. Things would have gotten very ugly back at the bunker with him locked in there with us. I was in the process of trying to calm him down, almost wishing for Jasper's abilities, when we both heard the sound of a vehicle —Bella's truck—coming up the road toward the house. My stomach did a little flip at the sound of it, I supposed it always would, and again, I wanted just one of my wishes to come true; to have Bella sitting behind the steering wheel.

As the truck finally made its way up the driveway, it was a rush of a thousand heartbreaks all over again, and I was glad Jasper wasn't here to feel it. Seth and, from what I could tell, Leah, were in the cab of the truck.

I couldn't deny that it was a pleasure to see them, despite my sentiments of wishing for someone else, but no one was more thrilled than Alice. She ran out of the house, almost bouncing with her excitement. She clapped her hands and exclaimed in a very high pitch voice, "Just the two people I was hoping to see! You're just in time," and she linked arms with them, dragging them into the house before Emmett and I could even say a 'hello.' Leah looked over her shoulder at me, pleading endlessly, while Emmett and I just shook our heads laughing, our earlier conversation forgotten for now.

 _You two need to put a ball cap on, or they're gonna notice you look different,_ Alice spoke to me in her head, warning me. I could tell from the scrambled thoughts in the house that Rosalie and Esme were rushing around to try to make do with the short notice. Alice stalled a little bit on the porch, introducing herself to Leah, and welcoming Seth again, while Emmett and I ran to the back door grabbing hats from the closet. We had enough dirt on our faces and hands that it would be tough to notice much, and figured it was the best we could do.

Eventually, when the coast was clear, Alice dragged everyone into the living room where Esme and Rosalie were sitting in amongst the supplies and preparations for the impending festival. Emmett and I noticed Carlisle was nowhere to be seen. _Smart man,_ Emmett's thoughts mirrored my own as his eyes swept the room and the chaos that was everywhere.

As soon as Jacob had given the okay, Alice went into full-blown planning mode. She was holding nothing back, and I couldn't help but wonder if she wouldn't come crashing down soon. It had only been two weeks since Jasper had left, and her behavior was starting to be worrisome. But if it kept her mind from thinking about the worst, like the rest of us were doing, then I was happy to oblige her . I wasn't so sure that Leah and Seth were though.

I did some quick introductions, and Esme greeted them as her usual, warm self, embracing them and welcoming them into our home. Rosalie went to get drinks and some snacks to offer them, while Alice filled them in on the plans for the festival.

From what I could tell, Leah was extremely overwhelmed, this being the first time hearing about it, and combine that with meeting the rest of the family, Leah was about to run to the truck and high-tail it back to the compound.

"You'll have to forgive my sister, Leah, she can be somewhat overwhelming. Sometimes she gets carried away and automatically assumes people she's just met are old friends of hers," I said, apologizing for the family, hoping to relax Leah a bit.

"I do not!" Alice huffed a little, sitting next to me on the couch, glaring. _Thanks a lot._ I shrugged my shoulders apologetically.

"Well, Leah, does just the opposite. She hates everyone she first meets, so it's a good combination." Seth nudged his sister.

"I do not!" She shoved him back.

Everyone laughed in unison as Alice and Leah sat with their arms folded in disagreement across from each other. Leah looked at Alice, a little smirk formed on her lips, and seconds later the two sourpusses joined in our laughter.

Alice and Esme managed to fill Leah and Seth in on their plans, and despite their initial wariness, they seemed to genuinely love the idea of helping bring some joy to the lives back at the compound. We left the four women to their own devices, Leah seemed to be finally at ease with them, and Seth was truly shocked. He was surprised that Leah was actually enjoying herself, and with a group of women no less. It seemed Leah pretty much stuck to herself, and besides her cousin, Emily, and Jacob, she trusted few people to consider them friends.

Emmett, Seth and I went outside in search of Carlisle, we hadn't heard from him in a few hours, and I was sure he would want to know we had visitors. The night we met with the wolves, he had been checking out the dried up streambed, curious about where the water might have stopped. He wouldn't have gone far, and I assumed he was searching for a new source for water.

We eventually found him out by Esme's garden. He _had_ found a new source and was rigging up some kind of watering system.

"Seth!" he yelled, smiling in our direction. "What brings you out here? Charlie with you?" He was standing knee deep in mud covered in it from head to toe, soaking wet, and looked like a man of worth, happy in a hard day's work.

"Why didn't you ask me for help?" Emmett said laughing at the ridiculous scene playing out in front of us. Even though Carlisle was a vampire with super strength and energy, we still considered him 'our father' and seeing Carlisle, the respectable surgeon, trying to rig up _anything_ was a little much for Emmett to take.

"I have it all under control," Carlisle said, a little offended at what Emmett was implying. He was clearly stuck in the mud, and was bent over at the waist, trying to reach for a pipe that was just out of his reach.

"Sure you do," Emmett teased, grabbing the pipe that was inches from Carlisle's grip. "You need help out of that bottomless pit, or you got that too, old man?" He passed the pipe to Carlisle who begrudgingly accepted it from him, ignoring his comment.

Seth was snickering beside me. "Are they always like this?"

A little shocked at his question, I had to think for a moment before answering him. "Actually, no. They aren't," I said truthfully. They really weren't like this. Carlisle wasn't like this at all. At least he hadn't been for many, many years. Something in him had changed since our visit to the compound, and I wasn't the only one who had noticed, thinking of Emmett's earlier comment about Esme and Carlisle. It was as if something in Carlisle that had long been buried and forgotten had surfaced. He was _alive_ again.

I stood for a moment admiring the look on his face as he took a swing at Emmett who was now poking a stick at him, taunting him about being stuck. Carlisle always looked young, he was forever stuck at twenty-three, but there was always an air about him that allowed him to pass as much older. He had seen so many things in his lifetime, and had experienced so much more, that he never truly looked twenty-three. But as he continued to yell at Emmett, while struggling to get free of the mud, they looked more like brothers than they ever had. I could tell from Carlisle's thoughts, he could have easily broken free of the mud, but for Seth's benefit, he was playing along, not willing to demonstrate too much strength.

"They're all the same, aren't they?" I was snapped too suddenly out of my thoughts by Seth to understand what he had meant. "The older they get, the more stubborn they are about needing help. Charlie's the same way," he explained further.

"Yeah," I laughed with him, even though I hadn't really experienced what he was saying. My real father died before I got to know him as an adult, and as much as Carlisle was my father, he was not the same as a human father and never would be.

"Esme is going to kill you, when she sees what you've done to her garden!" Emmett taunted, finally stopping his assault on Carlisle.

"She'll love that I've figured out a way for her to water everything."

"Yeah, except there's nothing left to water!" Emmett howled.

"What do you mean?" Carlisle said a little panicked, trying to turn around to see what he meant. Emmett wasn't exactly wrong. Carlisle had created a giant mud pool with all the water that was streaming from the cracks in the pipe, and the pipes were crushing some of the new plants that had just started to grow.

Carlisle started cursing in his head, as he lifted up one leg, all pretences aside now, and the mud made a slurping, suctioning sound as his leg came free, followed by the other one. "We'll clean this up before she sees."

" _You_ said you didn't _need_ any help."

"Emmett!" Carlisle growled out his name.

"Alright. Alright!" Emmett said backing up with his hands in the air. "God forbid Esme is mad at you for any second of the day," he grumbled. "You know, I would've thought you'd like that …" He wriggled his eyebrows.

I rolled my eyes at Emmett's insinuations, because now the images in Carlisle's head were causing me to groan. "Thanks, Emmett," I mumbled, disgusted at how Emmett always managed to turn any conversation toward sex.

Seth was still laughing, amused with our exchange when we heard Leah screaming his name in the distance, her voice panicked. I narrowed in on her thoughts, and the others back at the house, then looked directly at Carlisle. "It's Angela. She's in labor."

Carlisle and Leah had left in the Jeep, leaving Bella's truck for Seth to drive back. We all knew that truck wasn't capable of any kind of decent speed, and it was decided that I would accompany Seth back to the compound because Leah refused to leave without knowing Seth would not be travelling alone. The call had come in over the radio in the truck, and with their vampire hearing, Alice, Esme and Rosalie had heard it. Rosalie had excused herself with the pretense of getting something from the garage, and came back relaying the news to Leah.

Leah and Carlisle sprang into action, knowing full well that Angela's baby was just shy of thirty-two weeks, and without Leah there, Sue would be ill-equipped to handle a premature birth. The Jeep tore out of the driveway, tires squealing on the gravel as Seth and I yelled promises of getting there as soon as we could. The others were going to stay behind, we didn't want to upset the wolves anymore than we needed to. For the most part, things had been going well, but there was no need to 'stir the hornet's nest,' as Esme liked to say.

I jumped into the passenger side of the truck, and immediately I was filled with sorrow. The truck itself smelled exactly as how I remembered, but all traces of Bella were gone. It looked exactly the same, apart from the dash where the radio had been. In its place was a CB radio now, and I remembered finding the radio in the back of Bella's closet almost a decade ago. I gently traced the scratches around the edge of the hole, knowing it was her hands that caused them.

Seth watched out of the corner of his eye, and his thoughts were curious. "Charlie said she ripped it out for no good reason. He never knew why she did it. He came home from work one day and she was just hacking away at it with a screwdriver."

I traced every one of the marks, not sure what I was expecting, but I just felt compelled to touch every one of them. "It was a gift from my brothers and sisters for her birthday. Before … we left." I wasn't sure why I told him, there was something about Seth that made my barriers come down a little when I was around him. Maybe it was because his thoughts were always honest, and knowing that what he said was genuine I felt I could trust him.

"You know, I think that's why Jake hates you so much," he confessed, turning his head to smile at me.

I laughed, almost grunted really. "I don't think that's the only reason."

"Maybe, but I'm not sure you really understand. See, the Blacks and Charlie have been friends since anyone can remember. Charlie's like a second father to Jake, well, he's like a second father to pretty much everyone, with Jake especially. Charlie's not one for the emotional stuff, but when Bella came to live with him, something in him changed. I don't really remember, but Billy and my mom talk about it an awful lot."

I remembered Carlisle saying the same thing about Charlie at the time.

"Jake changed too. He always had a thing for her when they were kids, and when she came back, well all grown up, you get the idea. So I'm sure the jealousy between you two starts there a little bit, but that's not the reason for why he hates you. He holds your family responsible for driving Bella away from Charlie. When he couldn't get in touch with her in those last few days before the bombs, Charlie blamed himself. He spiraled deeper and deeper, and no matter what Billy and Jacob did, the guy just wouldn't come back."

"But he did, right?"

"Yeah he did. I think my mom had a lot to do with it. She was grieving for my dad, and he was grieving for Bella, and they just kind of found comfort in that."

"So you see, Jake has other reasons, and I just wanted you to know that. He doesn't want Charlie to get hurt again. And Jake can hold a grudge. _Believe_ me, he doesn't like to let them go." He started laughing.

"Thanks, knowing that helps a bit." I looked out the window at the passing scenery and filtered through the rest of his thoughts, picking up on some of his own hostilities toward Jacob. "So what did _you_ do to him, then?" I turned back to him, grinning.

He chuckled. "That obvious, huh?" He rubbed his jaw, scratching it with his thumb. "Aw nothing much, I just don't hold too much stock in his little gang."

"Gang?"

"Yeah, the guys from La Push, you met some of them in the bunker the other day." _Assholes._ "The thing that pisses me off is that Jake hated Sam and his gang, and then one day, there he is hanging out with them, and he's an asshole just like the others. And now that it's _his_ gang he's the biggest asshole of them all. He walks around like he runs the place. I mean, don't get me wrong, they're always doing stuff for the compound, like supplying fresh meat, and the few times there's been a threat to the compound from outsiders, they take care of it. It's just…" He ran his hand through his hair, and I knew it bothered him that he was never included in their excursions. "Ugh, they just annoy me. Like the five of them think they're better than anyone else, and it pisses Jake off when I don't listen to him. So you see," he turned to me and gave me a wicked grin, "you're not the only one that can make him miserable."

We drove in silence the rest of the way, and I felt my thoughts wavering from the present to the past. My earlier conversation with Emmett was weighing heavily on my mind. What we _had_ done was unforgiveable, but without Carlisle to guide us, we had done the best we could, or what we thought was anyway. The time in the bunker was such a contrast to how we lived our days now, and hopefully the family's dark times were behind us. As Seth drove through the gates to the compound, I realized it actually felt good to have an ally in him, a possible friend that wasn't a vampire or a family member. I had forgotten what that felt like.

**2006 **-:-** Past Memories**

A week had gone by and neither Emmett, nor Jasper, had told anyone what I had tried to do with the rabbit. Luckily for me, Esme had sent Emmett back to the bunker alone to check on us and it was only him who walked in on me in my moment of sheer desperation.

I was still ashamed by what I had done; I could barely even look at either of them and I was grateful neither of them felt the need to discuss what happened. Emmett's sudden appearance had immediately sobered my emotions. As I stared at the blood-stained sheets, I could only hope that it was Jasper's emotions that had influenced me to the frantic state I was in. Emmett never spoke a word as he carried Jasper back to the bedroom, while I sat silently on the couch with my head in my hands. Even in his thoughts he was kind to me as he diligently cleaned up the soiled sheets and mopped the floor with bleach. He covered my tracks effortlessly, then sat down on the couch next to me and gently patted my knee in comfort. He gave me one quick, reassuring smile and then pushed play on the DVD player. All I could do was settle in next to him, while I mind-numbingly stared at the screen, waiting for the others to return.

Emmett never breathed a word of any of it, not even to Rosalie.

Jasper had forgiven me, but unfortunately his disposition had not changed and he continued to go through good and bad moments just like the afternoon I had been left alone with him. And he still refused to feed. The only conclusion I could think of as the reason for his refusal, was the blood would make him stronger, which could quite possibly amplify his power. The weaker he was, the less his empath side reacted. He wasn't sure if it was a possibility, but he wasn't willing to try to test the theory by feeding. We all took shifts to be with him, just so we could give Alice a break. It was proving to be very difficult to get her away from Jasper, but we were terrified what too much exposure would do to her. Her lack of visions continued to haunt her, and she was becoming more and more melancholy.

We had been busy enough in the last week, no one had a moment to themselves while in the bunker, and venturing outside wasn't a much better alternative. Both places were dismal and packed with gloom. Despite our best efforts to keep positive and happy around Jasper, sometimes it just got to be too much to battle the emotions he was projecting.

I wasn't sure if my siblings truly appreciated what they had. Rosalie was so wrapped up in what was happening topside, she barely gave Emmett a moment's notice, and Emmett dutifully trailed after her hoping to help her in any way that he could. Alice's spirit diminished daily alongside Jasper, and I was afraid she would join his fate eventually. And Esme…she tried to stay optimistic, but she was wearing herself out. She never rested, whether it was caring for the animals, or returning to the humans, supplying them with blankets, water and whatever little food we had. In the past week, I don't think I saw her sit down once. I was sure if she sat, it would be the end of her strength and she would never get up again.

I had started going to the hospital every day to visit Carlisle, but I was still unable to convince him to come home. The family had started to grow suspicious of my absences, and it was getting harder to make up reasons of why I wanted to go alone. Mostly I used the excuse that I needed time to myself, throwing out Bella's name occasionally, and then they would back off immediately. I knew it was wrong of me, but it wasn't a total lie. The journey back and forth to the hospital was always somewhat cathartic. It allowed me the time to be alone with just my thoughts, no buzzing from the other five, and no disparaging thoughts competing with my own. Of course, this usually caused me to miss Bella even more, she was the one person who had been able to give me peace of mind.

Every day was the same. I would go to the hospital, dress in scrubs and seek out Carlisle. And each day, he refused to talk to me about anything other than the hospital and definitely refused to entertain the idea of coming back with me to see the others. His thoughts were not very helpful either. They were usually just wrapped up in the happenings at the hospital and the countless number of patients he was attending to. He was turning into one of the hollow empty beings I passed by in the streets on my walk to visit him. He had become autonomic in everything he did. For hours a day, I followed him around the hospital, helping where he directed me, listening to his thoughts and ramblings hoping to get some insight into what was going on in there.

I continued to show up, and he was neither happy nor angry to see me, just indifferent. We worked tirelessly together, only speaking when we absolutely had to. I didn't want to push him, and for the most part he seemed content for the extra helping hands. In complete contrast to me, he treated the humans with a great amount of compassion and charm. He was warm and genuine and did his best to ease their sufferings as much as he could.

It took a while to build up to this quiet contentment. I dared not speak to him about the family, I made _that_ mistake the second day I had visited.

It had been a huge error on my part. I pleaded with him to come see Jasper, confessing to him what I had done with the rabbit. He stood in the shadows of the hospital hallway, just staring at me, unblinking, with the most incredulous look on his face. And then he did exactly what he had done the day before, he stalked off, leaving me standing alone, dumb-founded all over again. But I wasn't about to give up, not after what I had done to Jasper. I wasn't equipped to handle the pressure of looking after them all, and my only chance of making it right was to convince Carlisle to come back. So the next day I returned, and tried a new tactic. I became his silent shadow. He was tired and broken like the rest of us, and I wasn't going to leave him to his own devices.

The highlight of my days was the walk to the hospital. I always passed by the same crumbled building where one existing brick wall still stood, and every day there was something new written on it in black charcoal. The first day was just one simple word… 'WHY.' I must admit, I spent the rest of the journey thinking about that one word in my mind, and all that it encompassed. It made the time pass by quickly.

The next day, I looked up to the wall and the word was crossed out and underneath it, something new was written… 'hail and fire mingled with blood, and they were cast upon the earth.' And again, I spent the rest of the day pondering that. I wasn't surprised to see that people had turned to the _Book of Revelation._ The world had suffered an apocalypse and now the man I considered to be my father, thought he caused it.

The new scribblings were something I looked forward to. Seeing these new words added on a daily basis was evidence that people were surviving. Even if the messages were of despair, or cursing God's existence, they still provided me with some hope, because each new saying was written in different handwriting which meant another person was reacting, or more importantly, living. As the days wore on, sometimes two or three new sayings would appear, and gradually, the messages were changing from doom and gloom to little rays of hope, and for one part of my day, it gave me a reason to smile.

Emmett's suspicions continued to grow. I had been leaving on my own for over a week when he finally confronted me. I was getting a backpack ready to take with me to the hospital, and Emmett joined me, getting two radios ready.

"So, where're we going?" he said, handing me a radio.

I closed my eyes for a brief second, trying to weigh the probability of me getting away with lying to him again. The chances were slim to none.

_Not this time, Edward. Stop feeding me lies. I want to know where you go every day._

"I thought we'd head south of the city this time," I said, keeping it light so as not to alert the others. I looked at him, hoping he'd go along with me.

"Sounds good." He clapped me on the back. _Topside, you're telling me everything._ He gave Rosalie a kiss goodbye, and walked past me, hitting my shoulder as he walked through the door. I gave a slight nod of my head, letting him know I had understood.

We climbed through the rafters, standing on top, surveying the destruction and another cloudless grey sky. We hadn't gotten used to the scene, it was a shock each time we came to the surface, and we also knew that it was going to get a lot worse before it got better. Nuclear Winter, from what Jasper had researched from before, was soon to be setting in, and the humans were definitely not prepared for it. I promised myself not to be concerned with it; I couldn't add that to my responsibilities. We had our own problems, and I never said I wasn't a selfish creature.

 _It's Carlisle you're going to see every day, isn't it?_ _It has to be bad if you're keeping it from Esme._ He lifted his chin up, daring me to lie to him again, and by the set of his jaw, I knew I no longer had a choice. He wasn't going to stand for it any longer, even if he had to beat it out of me.

I took a deep breath, pursing my lips together letting the air out in a long exhale. "He's at the hospital," I said, not offering anything else.

"Well, I figured that much. Are you going to tell me why he's hiding out there?" I saw from the corner of my eye, his fists were clenching. He really was serious about the "beating it out of me."

"He blames himself," I said softly while Emmett scoffed. "For everything." I could see he didn't understand the severity of my statement. "Emmett, he blames himself for this…" I waved a hand over everything in front of us. All the ash and twisted metal, and destroyed buildings. "All of it!"

Emmett's head filled with irrational thoughts as his brain registered what I meant and the absurdity of it all. "Regardless of how ridiculous it sounds, it's the truth. He feels accountable for the humans and what he's done to them. He thinks he caused this, and has to help out however he can."

"Then let's go get him. He needs Esme, she'll make him see that it wasn't his fault. She'll make him come to his senses." He shrugged his shoulders, annoyed that I had left it so long. He thought it was all so simple and that I was just dragging it out in my typical emotional way.

I lifted my hands, placing them behind my head, interlocking them behind my neck. "It's not that simple, Emmett."

"Sure it is."

"No. It's not." He was about to say something else, when I cut him off. "He's lost his faith." I let the gravity of my statement sink in before I continued. Listening to his thoughts as he processed my words, he saw the seriousness of my expression, and everything clicked in place, finally.

"He's not Carlisle right now." I sat down on the rafter and explained the conversation I had with Carlisle, or lack of in this case, and shared the visits I had been having with him this past week. "I've been hoping to convince him to come back on his own. Sure, we could go there and force him to come back. But that won't do anyone any good. He'll only resent us, and it'll hurt Esme even more to feel that rejection."

"He told you there was no God?" he asked quietly, while sitting down beside me. I just nodded my head in response, not sure what else there was to say.

"He won't come back, and any mention of the family causes him stress, so much, that I think he'll run if I press him too hard." I finally had enough nerve to look at Emmett even though he continued to stare at his hands. "He has a one track mind at the moment. I just think this is how he's dealing with it. Time is what he needs. Just like the rest of us." I thought of Jasper lying in the bed and knew time was not helping him, but I had to have faith that it would help Carlisle. "I'm determined to bring him home, because I can't do this anymore. I can't be responsible for everyone. I don't want that responsibility."

Emmett turned to me, his expression filled with sadness. "I'm sorry, Edward. It's not been fair of me to let this rest on your shoulders." _I've been so worried about Rose, and only Rose, I forget that you have a lot to bear too._ He gave me a grim smile, before continuing. "But you could have shared this sooner. I know I'm not the most sensitive, but I understand, my brother. You just seemed so solid, and in charge, I took it for granted that you were capable of making all the decisions. Well, you were, except for that little slip up the other day." He started to chuckle, as unaffected as he usually was by any serious atmosphere. _Geez, what did that poor, little rabbit do to you anyway?_

I didn't laugh at his attempt at humor, I just gave him a sad smile instead.

"Jasper's tough to be around and couple that with what you've been going through?" He sighed, finishing the rest of his thoughts in his head. _I'm surprised something worse didn't happen._

Emmett never did dwell on things, and it shouldn't have surprised me that he didn't think my actions were deplorable. Once again, I was grateful it was him who had been there.

"So what can I do to help? Want me to come to the hospital with you? A united front?"

"No," I sighed, "I don't think that will help. I'll handle Carlisle for now. I know I can get through to him. I guess I need you to keep the others from the same speculations you had. They can't know, Emmett."

"Consider it done. I'll handle the others, you get Carlisle, and then we can get out of this place, find somewhere new." He shuddered at all the horrors and reminders this place held.

"I'd like to go to Phoenix," I said, not even realizing I'd said it out loud. The silence between us almost became unbearable as I waited for Emmett to respond.

"Yeah, I figured you'd say that. I'd be the same way," he said quietly, nodding his head. "You want to see for yourself, I get that." He kicked his foot into a pile of ash, the ash spread up the side of his leg, clinging to his pants. _Damn, Rose is going to kill me, she just washed these._

"I have to. I won't rest until I see with my own eyes and the longer we wait the less chance I have of that." Closing my eyes, I pressed my fingers into my eyes, as if I was trying to wipe the image Emmett had shared with me earlier in the week of the burnt car and the bodies.

He placed his hand on my shoulder, and said quietly, "We'll get you there, Edward. I promise."


	18. Faith Keeps The Man Who Keeps His Faith

**CHAPTER 17**

****-:-** Faith Keeps The Man Who Keeps His Faith **-:-****

* * *

**2016 **-:-** Present Day**

Dusk was setting when we arrived at the compound. People were wandering around lighting gas lanterns that I had never noticed in the daylight. They lined the pathways, illuminating the night from house to house. If I wasn't so concerned about Angela, I might have stopped and admired the sight.

We rushed into the hangar where there was a buzz of activity. People's thoughts filled with worry for one of their own. Angela was extremely well loved and there were mixed emotions about letting 'Dr. Cullen' deliver her baby. Some were grateful for his expertise, while others didn't want to trust her welfare to a stranger. Seth dragged me through the crowds of people, toward the stairs when I noticed Jacob and the rest of the pack in the corner. Quil and Embry, gave me a slight nod, while Jacob and the other two men just glared at me as I followed Seth down the stairs. _We'll be here,_ I heard Jacob say for my benefit, the threat implied as usual.

The bunker wasn't much better in terms of the myriad of people, but Carlisle was grateful to see my face, and asked Seth and I to try and clear out some of the bystanders because it was going to be a long night and he didn't want to have all the prying eyes looking over his shoulder. I was happy to comply and told Carlisle that if he needed me, I would be topside within hearing range. I still had a problem with being down in the bunker for any length of time, and Carlisle understood this.

After some time, I decided to step outside of the hangar. People were bringing in food and it was getting difficult to politely say 'no thank you' as they demanded I eat something. I also needed to get away from all the running commentary in my head. Relieved at the solitude, I went for a stroll to get a closer look at the compound at night. Eventually I found a little corner to myself, away from the muffled sounds of the people, and the lights of the tiny houses. It was a beautiful sight to see, and reminded me of a bit of the past. A time long forgotten, when fires burned in hearths and the sound of a car was few and far between. I never thought that I would relive a time like that, but here I was in a community that ran on solar power and generators, and where fire was a necessity that was never taken for granted.

I heard him coming, but I didn't want to turn around, hoping he would leave me alone if I didn't acknowledge him. He was hesitant to approach me, but he was going to nonetheless. I turned reluctantly, taking a big sigh, trying to be patient with the man.

"You'll have to forgive my son," Billy Black said to me from the dark. "He isn't the most rational person, and he has a lot of anger in his heart."

"So I noticed," I said with a hint of distaste.

"He's grown up a lot, but the part of who he is that he has to keep hidden, frustrates him. It always has." The mention of Jacob, mixed with the sadness in his expression, was making me uncomfortable. I didn't want to have this conversation with Jacob's father.

"I know, Mr. Black, Seth filled me in on your son's specific hatred toward me," I said, my voice lacking any emotion.

He laughed, his head thrown back a little as he rolled his wheelchair forward. "Unfortunately, Seth doesn't know the _whole_ story. I think my son would possibly kill me in my sleep if he knew I was telling you this, but I feel you've a right to know." He looked at me, his eyes shining in the reflected light, silently asking me if he could go on. I didn't move, and he took my stillness as compliance. "How much do you know about our legends and our ways? Not much I assume?" I nodded in agreement. "Have you heard of the term imprinting? No … probably not." He shook his head, thinking about how to explain it to me. "I'm not sure how much you know about Leah, but she and Sam used to be an item. In fact, about a year before the bombs, everyone thought they'd get married. Do you remember the news of a boy from the reservation going missing?"

Again, I nodded, not wanting to interrupt, but I vaguely remembered the search for a young man that had been missing for about two weeks.

"Well, that was Sam. He phased. Scared the living daylights outta him." He chuckled to himself. "Of course the elders thought the gene had died out much like your maker thought." I felt my face tighten at his word 'maker,' but let him continue, despite the animosity I was feeling.

"So his change was just as much of a surprise to us. Anyway, after all the trials and tribulations Sam had to endure, he had to experience imprinting." Billy went on to explain the idea of soul mates and how for wolves it was much deeper than that. It was an irresistible pull toward someone. Something a man didn't have any control over.

"I know the feeling," I mumbled.

He stopped short, eyeing me up. "Well, it just so happened that he imprinted on Emily, Leah's cousin. He didn't have a choice and Leah's heart was broken. Part of her bitterness stems from that, she's still never gotten over that betrayal because she's never really learned the truth."

"Mr. Black, I appreciate the history lesson, but what does this have to do with me and your son?"

"The entire pack knows each other's thoughts, there are no secrets. Jake felt Sam's guilt, they all did. It wasn't easy, part of the reason why Sam stopped phasing." I wasn't sure what he wanted me to say, I still didn't understand where he was going with this.

"Jake once hoped he'd imprint on Bella. He wanted nothing more than that, but she left Forks before he phased. I think a part of him always wondered what would've happened if she'd come back. When the bombs hit, he accepted she wasn't coming back, even though Charlie still believed."

"So he blames me for that. I got it. Seth filled me in," I said resentfully, jealousy spiking hatred throughout my body.

"To some extent, I guess he does. But the thing is, Jake's terrified of imprinting. It's rare, usually an exception, but some of the others have already. He saw what it did to Leah, Sam and Emily. And even though he feels something strong for Leah, he won't take that risk. He loves her, but he won't break her heart again. He's bitter and angry at what he is, and before you and your family came back, he was thinking about giving it all up for Leah. He's tired of it all, and just wants some normalcy again." Billy was looking at me earnestly, waiting for me to respond.

"And now that won't happen," I said with an inflection. "He still thinks we're a threat?" I ran my fingers through my hair in total frustration. "Do you know how absurd that is? After all we've done for you, you still can't trust us," I said in disgust. "Carlisle is saving the life of a woman and her child _right_ now!"

"Edward, the wolf gene still runs strong in my people. You're still our enemy, that's not going to change overnight. I'm telling you this so you'll be patient with my son. Not all of us feel the same as him, but regardless, your family's presence will trigger the gene in some of the young ones, and that's what has Jake upset. He wouldn't wish it on anyone." We were locked in a silent battle. I wasn't ready to forgive Jacob for his arrogance, and Billy was still uneasy about having this discussion with me. He was contemplating whether or not he had made a mistake.

Our silent standoff was broken by joyous shouts coming from the hangar. We could hear the cries and cheers letting us know that Angela had delivered a tiny, but healthy baby girl.

It was early September, almost three months since Jasper had left us. We didn't mention his name often, but everyone's thoughts were constantly filled with his whereabouts. Alice had kept us busy enough, trying to keep our minds occupied, but it was wearing each of us down. It still amazed me how clever Alice really was. This harvest festival business was not just about the people of Forks and La Push, it was for the six of us more than anything. She knew that sitting idly while waiting on word from Jasper was bound to drive us mad. Since the middle of July, she had us out scouring the state of Washington for ripened wild fruits such as cherries, currants, gooseberries, blueberries and anything else we came across in our travels. It was easy enough, we had to hunt, and hunting so close to the property was not ideal, so we ventured further and further away and found all kinds of edible _human_ foods.

Alice was happy with what we had managed to forage. She had everything organized and accounted for and knew what items would be canned, pickled or turned into jam. It was amazing to watch her work, she was an unstoppable force of nature, and managed to turn even the most mundane things into works of art. Things were peaceful for the most part, other than the constant lists that were put in each of our hands, and the delegation of duties that we were each responsible for. It passed the time, and no one argued with Alice, not even Rosalie. Life was moving on at the restored Cullen home, but as much as we tried to ignore it, that large black cloud still loomed over each of us.

I was getting extremely restless, as was Emmett; we'd had ourselves countless discussions about going after Jasper. Three months was more than enough time for Jasper to scout out the area and come back home. We were constantly on edge and we fought over the slightest little things. Our fisticuffs usually ended with either Esme or Rosalie throwing a bucket of water on the two of us before we managed to do too much damage to the furniture or the walls, or wherever else we happened to be fighting.

I hadn't been back to the compound since the night Angela had given birth. It was a difficult birth, but nothing Carlisle couldn't handle. After a long, restless night, tiny, baby Caroline Isabella Cheney, came into the world healthy, hungry and with a good set of lungs on her. They named the baby after Angela's mother, and of course Isabella in honor of Charlie. Ben proudly announced his daughter's name as he held her, and then harmlessly joked that he was hoping 'Caroline' didn't stick, and thought she looked more like an Izzie, anyway. It was hard for me to watch the events unfold that night, even though I was extremely happy for Angela and Ben, I couldn't help feel a pang of remorse as everyone celebrated the new life. I left Carlisle at the compound, using the excuse of passing on the news to the others in the family, knowing that Esme would be anxious to hear how everyone was doing.

Tanya's family finally arrived a few weeks before the festival, and the house quickly became too small for the eleven of us. Luckily, there was no need for bedrooms, but I offered mine to Carmen and Eleazar nevertheless. They refused, of course, but after some insisting and a curt reminder from Rosalie that I never used it anyway, they eventually accepted.

It had been a week since they arrived, and I had successfully managed to avoid them, and more importantly, Tanya, however, their thoughts were not as easy to avoid. Tanya and her sisters had always been considered extended family to Carlisle, but as with any family, one can only take so much of each other, and their visit was trying at the best of times. Over the past ten years, we had seen them on occasion, but not for any length of time, and usually it was in passing when we needed to trade supplies.

Since their arrival, I had been spending a lot of my time in the woods, and other places, scavenging from abandoned towns. Emmett usually tagged along, or if it wasn't Emmett, it was someone else. I couldn't help but feel like I was being babysat, and between that and the crowded house, I was on my last nerves. Sensing my unease, Alice suggested another expedition, but this time to the compound. I reluctantly agreed, knowing I couldn't say no to her, and was just glad to get away from the house. Besides, I had promised Tyler and Ben that I would be back at some point, and it had now been three months.

After the meeting with the wolves, it had taken a few weeks for the family to slowly start visiting the compound. At first, no more than two of us visited at the same time trying to placate the wolves. Things seemed somewhat amicable, which I was sure had something to do with my absence. I didn't have the energy to visit, so I left it up to the others. Seth had been spending most of his time at the house anyway, trying to avoid Leah and Sue and their task-masking. Although, our house wasn't much better with Esme and Alice, but at least he could get the occasional video game in with Emmett.

Sue and Esme became fast friends, which wasn't surprising. They both had compassionate hearts, and they discovered they had a lot in common, each offering tips and tidbits on what they had been growing over the last ten years. Carlisle became Leah's teacher, and she continued to sponge up everything he had to offer. He was impressed with her healing skills, and how quickly she learned. She was direct and blunt, which he said made for a good doctor, although he was hoping her bedside manners would improve a little.

What had surprised all of us was Rosalie and her friendship with Angela. Rosalie loved visiting the compound, just as Carlisle knew she would, and had formed a bit of a bond with Angela, eventually taking over her classroom while she settled into motherhood. Shockingly, Rosalie was a wonderful teacher, and despite her misgivings at first, she found her calling at the school. Rosalie even found Mike Newton to be pleasant enough—I had still yet to see him—and the two of them had been working with the students to put on a play for the night of the festival.

Everything seemed to be perfect on the surface, but Jasper's absence was a big gaping hole in the family, and everyone's worries were starting to come to a head. As Alice and I drove to the compound, I figured it was a good time to bring it up. She couldn't walk away from me, and would be forced to talk about it.

"It's been three months, Alice."

She sighed as she turned to me. "I should have known."

"Yes, you should've. You knew I was going to bring it up."

"I _figured_ you would, I _hoped_ you wouldn't."

"I think I should go."

"It isn't what he wanted," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. She was looking at her hands, as I watched her from the corner of my eye. I knew she was worried, but she seemed so calm, and I couldn't understand why she wasn't itching to go after him like Emmett and I were.

"Emmett and I can go down there and at least find out what happened. I can't sit around any longer knowing it should have been me that went."

 _Trust him, just like he would trust you,_ she said silently afraid her voice would crack.

I rolled my eyes at her as I eased up on the gas pedal, knowing the giant pothole in the road was coming up. I maneuvered around it, heading on to the shoulder, and the rear tires spun out on the dirt. The backend of the Jeep fishtailed and I quickly corrected my error. She giggled to herself, mocking my ability to drive.

_Maybe I should drive?_

I glared at her and she reminded me to keep my eyes on the road.

"Look," she sighed heavily, "I know you don't understand it, but he's okay. I know it. He's alive, Edward, I still feel it." She spoke with so much conviction it was hard not to feel re-assured by her words.

I did understand her, because even after all these years, I felt as though Bella was with me. I knew it was just the idea that I couldn't let her go, but it was almost like I could still feel her presence even if she wasn't on this earth. Which is what worried me. Bella was dead, yet I still felt her, so why was Alice so convinced Jasper was alive?

"He made me a promise before he left," she said quietly, but her voice was steely. "We've been through too much for it to end like this. I don't need to be a psychic to know that. That's just faith." She turned to look out the window signaling me that the conversation was over.

I left her alone for the rest of the journey, mulling over her words. Faith was such a finicky word. _To believe in the assurance of things hoped for, or the conviction of things not seen._ Coming from Alice, the word faith was somewhat paradoxical. She spent her whole life never having to believe or trust in faith, she always _knew,_ and yet, here she was faced with one of the greatest tests of her life, and she believed, unequivocally. I had to admire her for that, and I would trust in her, as she trusted in Jasper.

We pulled up outside of the hangar, and I caught a glimpse of strawberry-blonde hair and groaned.

"You didn't tell me Tanya was here," I said bitterly.

"Well, I. Didn't. Know," she said in short-clipped words.

"Rrr-right. I find that hard to believe, Alice."

"Not everything revolves around you. Besides, you can't avoid her forever."

"Alice…" I warned her for the umpteenth time. "I told—"

"Relax! I'm just saying her motives for wanting to talk to you, may not be as horrible as you think." She opened the passenger door and jumped out of the Jeep. I grabbed my ball cap and placed it on my head, sighing as I opened the door to follow her.

 _Don't worry,_ she's _not the one that knocks you on your ass._ She rushed off into the hangar giving me a little wave as she went to find Leah.

Charlie and Seth were gathered around the gun locker, and I went to join them to see where they needed help.

"Edward!" Charlie yelled, welcoming me. "It's about time you showed your face around here. We've missed you and people have been asking about you." He smiled warmly, shaking my hand enthusiastically.

"I know. Esme and Alice have enslaved me out at the house, it's been difficult to get away from their evil clutches," I said, trying to explain as best I could without it sounding too much like a lie.

"Don't I know it. Sue's been the same way, that's why I haven't been out your way much." He rolled his eyes, even though his thoughts were nothing but kind.

"Well, I'm here to help. Alice said my work is done at the house, and now I'm needed here, so what can I do?"

.

SINCE MY FIRST VISIT back to the compound with Alice, I had been there every day in the last two weeks, and it wasn't as bad as I had imagined it would be. It was actually a nice change from the familiarity of the crowded house, and we were kept busy enough to keep my mind off of things like Jasper, or the wolves. They had left us alone, but they were never far away, always watching, waiting for one of us to slip up.

Charlie and I were carrying car batteries from the hangar to the area that Alice had designated as a dance platform. She wanted lights strung up around it, and we were going to use the batteries to supply the power. It was hard not to pick up four or five of the batteries; it would have made the task much quicker. But instead, I was stuck trying to make it look like an effort to carry one just as it was for Charlie. I enjoyed his company though, so the task was more enjoyable than many of the other chores Alice and Esme had me doing over the past few weeks.

We had three days left to get things exactly as Alice, Sue, Emily and Esme wanted, and the rest of us were suffering for it. Luckily for Carlisle, Emmett and me, we couldn't get tired, but the last few days were wearing heavily on the humans. Charlie and Sam were doing their best to appease their wives, and it was taking all their energy to keep their mouths shut and not complain, whereas Seth had given up and refused to do any more work and high-tailed it out to the fields where Tyler and Eric had been hiding out for the past week.

There was no shortage of help though. Everyone in the compound was lending a hand and pitching in where they could. Even Angela and the baby were around. Just watching everyone come together was not something I ever thought I would see. I had spent many a night in the last couple of months discussing with Carlisle the possibility of telling Charlie the truth. We weren't sure how he would take it, and we weren't sure if he would feel lied to or betrayed after all this time. Eventually, the truth would most likely have to come out, which meant the wolves would have to come out as well, and that involved sitting down with them again.

Charlie had set the last battery down and pulled out a handkerchief to wipe his brow. I watched him from the corner of my eye. He had aged a lot in the last ten years. The loss of Bella, Harry and so many others had definitely weighed heavily on him, but Charlie Swan was a fighter, that was easy enough to see. I could also tell he was finally at peace.

"Phew, it's a hot one!" He placed the handkerchief back in his pocket. "You're making an old man feel older, Edward! You're not even sweating." He laughed as he clapped me on the shoulder, and I did my best to try and soften the blow for him.

"Are you kidding me? From what Seth tells me, you could run circles around me." I laughed along with him, as he passed me a cup of water, but I politely declined.

"Come on! You need to drink whether you're sweating or not. I think your sister will kill me if you get dehydrated, and don't even think about using that as an excuse to get out of all the rest of this work." He shoved the mug closer to me.

I reluctantly took it and swallowed the water, knowing that it wasn't going to be pleasant later. As a family, we had discussed how we were going to get though the next few days, particularly when the food would be in abundance, and people would be expecting us to eat. Emmett wanted to make it a contest between all of us. He wanted to place bets, using Esme's chores as 'booty.' Since there were eleven of us now with Tanya's family, he figured the odds were pretty good. Everyone was not as pleased with the idea as he was, and the term 'moron' was used repeatedly by Rosalie. But in the end, I figured I had nothing to lose, and Tanya and Kate felt the same way, so the four of us agreed to enjoy torturing each other while trying to get each other to eat as much human food as possible. It was a silly idea and one we would undoubtedly be paying for later, but with Jasper gone, Emmett needed someone to take his bets.

As the water went down my throat, I groaned, realizing that if I could barely handle this, I would definitely be losing this bet to Emmett. Across the platform, I caught Tanya laughing at me as I drank the water.

 _This is just the start, Edward,_ she sang in her head, winking at me before turning back to her task of tacking up the lights.

Charlie made a noise that came from his throat, which sounded a lot like a 'hrmph.' I rolled my eyes preparing for what was coming next.

"That tall glass of water over there looks like she has eyes for you." He nodded his head in Tanya's direction, and smiled. "Your father said you share some history?"

Since the arrival of Tanya and her sisters, the human men had done their fair share of ogling, while the women did quite the opposite. There was no denying that they were absolutely beautiful, but they were causing quite a stir within the compound and I could tell Charlie was fishing.

"Have you thought about—" Charlie raised his eyebrows.

"No." I cut him off, my face tight, expecting the argument.

"Have you not even thought about moving on? Finding someone else?"

"My 'someone else' is dead."

"Edward," he said sincerely, "Bella wouldn't want you to—"

"Please don't tell me what Bella would or wouldn't want, not you, Charlie."

"She would want you to be happy."

"Well, then it's settled."

"What is?"

" _Tanya_ _…_ would never make me happy."

"How do you know if you've never given it a chance? She seems to care about you."

"I just know. So drop it," I said curtly. I dropped my façade completely, and pushed the twenty batteries to the edge of the platform with my foot, hoping the display of strength would distract him from continuing this conversation. I read his thoughts. He was taken by surprise by what I had done, but not enough to deter him.

"Drop it, please, Charlie. I get enough grief from my family," I said turning to walk away.

"Edward! Wait," he yelled after me, "you're right, I'm sorry. It's just your dad said—"

"Carlisle's been talking to you?" I could feel the anger building up inside of me. I wasn't sure what the conversation had entailed, Charlie was able to block me out, but I could only assume the worst. "I'd appreciate it if you'd stop talking about things you know nothing about." I glared at him waiting for him to respond. I was expecting an argument, but instead Charlie's face softened.

"Son, that's where you're wrong. Believe me," he said gently, "I do know." He lowered his defenses and allowed me to see a little part of his past, a time when things had gotten pretty dark for Charlie. I watched as he loaded shells into a shotgun, battling with himself, and contemplating taking his own life. I didn't want to look at him, knowing the pain in his expression would be too much for me, but to my relief, when I did, there was no sadness in his eyes. "I know, Edward. I've been there."

"It's different," I disagreed with him. He was a human, vampires loved more deeply, and irrevocably. He could never possibly understand that.

"Your pain is more than mine?" he questioned. "Is that what you're trying to say? That I couldn't possibly understand what you're going through? Do you know how many people have lost loved ones here?" He waved his arm around the compound. "Or had to sit by their bedside and watch them die a slow and painful death?" His voice wasn't raised in anger, it was the complete opposite. It was calm and kind and as he moved closer to me, I couldn't help but turn away. I didn't want his compassion.

"Edward, I'm not trying to say these things to hurt you, I'm trying to tell you that life _can_ go on. And every single person in this compound is proof of that. This festival that your sister's giving us is a celebration about living. Something you might want to try." He gently placed a hand on my shoulder, and he let the silence hang between us for a few seconds. "You're young, and have your whole life ahead of you."

I couldn't help myself from scoffing at his words. Just further proof that he could never understand what I was feeling.

"You may think you knew my daughter better than me, but I knew her well enough, too. She wouldn't want this for you. We both know that." I stiffened at hearing him mention Bella, it was an automatic reflex, and I know he felt it. "I think it's time. We need to say goodbye to her, Edward."

"Charlie, you don't understand," I said shaking my head. "I don't think I can." I felt my voice crack, surprising myself. It had been years since I had built this wall of pain inside of me. I was fortified, and no amount of pleading from my family could break through. But sitting here with Charlie, listening to him and feeling the connection of Bella between us, I almost felt the foundations shift.

"Well that's what I'm here for, and believe it or not, so is everyone in this compound. We all need this, and I'd very much like for you to be a part of it."

"When?" I managed to croak out.

"We were thinking the night of the festival, but if that's too soon I understand."

Could I say goodbye to Bella? It had been almost four months since I sat in the jeep with Carlisle and discussed my plans. Nothing had really changed. I wasn't afraid to die, but what would it mean if I said goodbye to her? How would that affect my plans? It wouldn't. I said my goodbye to her once, long ago, I could do it again for Charlie. So I took a deep breath and nodded my head in agreement.

We continued with the task of connecting the batteries, both of us keeping the conversation to a minimum, which meant I couldn't stop my thoughts from drifting to the past.

**2006 **-:-** Past Memories**

Emmett and I had spent the day at the cache that was located just outside of Chicago. It had been a long and arduous journey, but it felt good to stretch our legs, even it was depressing to see what was left beyond the city. It was a wasteland visible for miles upon miles, and jarringly silent. The forest floor was buried under burnt duff and ash while the only things left standing were the charred standing posts of what used to be trees. We had to be careful where we stepped, underneath the mounds of ash and stumps, the forest still smoldered, the roots supplying the fuel that was long gone above ground. It was dirty, and hot and the air was a bit suffocating, but despite that, Emmett and I were happy to be out of the bunker and out of the city.

Carlisle had managed to setup a facility in the short amount of time before 'Judgment Day,' as Emmett now liked to refer to it as, and usually said it with a 'Terminator,' deadpan face. It housed all the vehicles and more than enough supplies and food to last a few humans for a couple of years. The family needed to be mobile soon and ready to go at a moment's notice. It had been our task to check on the vehicles and make sure Jasper's shielding technique had worked against the electromagnetic pulses. Everything seemed to be in order, so with much reluctance, we decided to head back to the bunker. I had been pretty quiet for most of the day. Emmett noticed, but never pressed me about it. I did have something I needed to discuss with him, but I was having a difficult time broaching the subject. Saying it out loud would mean accepting the reality of it.

We walked the same route back. The only sound was our footsteps, and Emmett did his best to keep his thoughts to himself, neither one of us bothering with idle conversation. As we came to the crest of a small hill, we stopped suddenly in our tracks. There, below us, was definitely something we never would have expected to see. In amongst the ash and burnt woodland was a lion. Not a mountain lion, but an actual African, king of the jungle, lion.

At one point, this male must have been a beautiful creature, and the pride of the Chicago Zoo, but it wasn't just his presence that was out of place now. His coat was caked with dirt, his mane matted and his skin was scorched and blistered in places all over his body. The animal was emaciated, and must have been suffering greatly. It was lying down, but as it sensed us and the danger we represented, the animal slowly, and what looked like painfully, rose to meet us. It eyed us and started to pace, almost like it was contemplating its next move—fight or flight, or possibly lie down again and accept its fate.

Emmett and I stood for a moment taking in the sight of the animal. We knew what had to be done, and without a word, we slowly walked toward this 'king of beasts.'

"Easy now," Emmett said reverently, holding his hands up.

The lion squared its shoulders to face us, blowing air from its nostrils, while it bared its teeth. It was growling, almost a low purr as it made eye contact with Emmett. Its head was held high, and I immediately understood why lions were considered prideful creatures. Even on its last legs, it let out a deafening roar, telling us it was once majestic and powerful and a formidable killer. The display of courage, that one final gesture, had taken everything out of it, and it lowered its head in submission, willingly accepting its fate. We stood across from the animal, admiring it and what it had once been. Neither of us could speak, a silent understanding between us and the creature while Emmett lowered his hands moving toward it. The lion lifted its head one last time, and the pain in its eyes conveyed nothing but gratitude, begging for what we could offer him. And in the blink of an eye, it was over.

 _Sorry, my brother,_ Emmett said silently as he released its neck, and the lion fell to the earth in a cloud of ash and dust. He bent down placing a hand gently on its mane. _Go in peace._

We stood across from each other, the silence and grief was palpable, neither of us knowing what to say. All this suffering was too much to take, and I couldn't handle keeping my secret anymore, the guilt was eating away at me. "Carlisle's gone," I blurted out.

Emmett's head snapped up, his expression full of confusion. "What do you mean, 'he's gone?' Since when?"

I looked at my shoes, knowing that my answer would make him angry. "A week."

 _A week!_ He glared at me. "Why didn't you tell me? You shouldn't have kept this from me. I thought you and I were clear, no more secrets!"

"I was hoping he'd come back, but it doesn't look like he will. No one's seen him at the hospital in about a week. He just up and left without telling anyone."

"So what happened?"

I started walking, I didn't want us to be caught in the dark, and it was a long tale that might as well be told while we headed back to the bunker. Taking a deep breath, I waited for him to follow, knowing this was going to be difficult to retell, but Emmett was right, no more secrets.

"There was something different about that day, Emmett. I could feel it," I said as I began to recant what happened the day I pushed Carlisle too far. "I should've known better. I pushed him too hard, I should've waited." I was disgusted with myself that I didn't read him better. I should have known from his thoughts how he would react, but I pushed him anyway. "A part of me just wanted to see him react. You know?" I looked at Emmett and his expression was grim, but he nodded his understanding. "Just to say something, or anything to me. That's all I wanted."

"Edward, again with the guilt. You gotta stop! This isn't your fault. Carlisle leaving us is not your fault."

"It's strange … how we rely on Alice so much and how much faith we put in her visions. I really did think those words were a sign to intervene," I scoffed at my stupidity. "I thought, if I could get through to Carlisle, make him see that he's wrong, that his faith would get him through anything, he'd come back."

"So, what happened?" Emmett asked again, impatient to hear the story.

.

THE NEW MESSAGE ON the wall that day as I walked to the hospital read, _'No God. No Peace,'_ and it was crossed out and in its place, _'Know God. Know Peace'_ was written underneath it.

It was a curious thing to be written I thought, especially for me to see it while I was walking _to_ the hospital. If I had seen it on my way back, perhaps things would have turned out differently. But that wasn't what happened, and instead I used that message as a beacon. A message that perhaps God was talking to me. I sincerely believed I was meant to get through to Carlisle today, and as I climbed the stairs to the second floor of the hospital, I finally found the courage I had been lacking this past week.

"Morning, Carlisle," I greeted him, smiling, knowing today could possibly be the day.

"Edward." He nodded, which was a good sign. He didn't usually acknowledge me with words.

He began walking down the hall and automatically I followed him. I could discern from his thoughts, he was leading me to the area where the burn patients were. He wanted me to help change dressings and use my vampire abilities to smell for early stages of infection. I could only comply of course, hoping to get him to warm up to me once again. It was like a clock resetting every day I turned up. There was never any progress made. By the end of my visit, I was sure I had made some headway with him, getting him to break down his barriers just a little, and then the next day I returned, the walls were back up, locked tight like a steel gate.

He was always on edge never knowing what to expect by my presence. He had made it quite clear he did not wish to see the rest of the family, and I was surprised he still obliged me and my visits. I knew I was walking a thin line, and any wrong word or gesture would shut me out permanently. So every day I carefully watched what I said and did, hoping to never upset him.

The rest of that morning was spent attending to patients and other functions of the hospital, eventually ending up in a small crowded area, that was set aside for children—or from what I could tell—orphaned children. These were the children, injured, left unclaimed in the wake of the destruction outside. They really had no one, and most of them were terrified. As we made our rounds, I thought I would test my theory a little bit, hoping to feel out Carlisle's mood.

"Maybe I could bring Rosalie here with me tomorrow?" I asked hesitantly. "It might do her some good to be among the living…" I looked up at his angered face and finished my sentence under my breath, "children."

"I know what you're trying to do, Edward." He picked up a chart from the wall, opening it pretending to read. "I'm afraid this isn't going to work."

"What isn't?"

" _This,_ " he gestured back and forth between the two of us. "I know you care nothing for these people. You're not here for them," he finished the sentence curtly.

I was about to disagree with him, to try to lie and convince him otherwise, when a piece of the wall flashed in my head.

_Know God. Know Peace._

"You're absolutely right," I confessed the truth, and he stepped back upon hearing my words. "I'm not here for them, but neither are you." I searched his thoughts, wondering if I should continue. He was shocked at my insinuations but not so much that I didn't feel as though I should stop. "I'm here for you, and Esme, and the rest of your _family_. Why are you here?" He winced, and pulled me into the corner of the room, away from prying eyes and ears. He didn't want the hospital staff to know he had a family waiting for him out there.

I continued to speak in very low and very fast tones so no one could hear us. "You have no idea what your absence has done to them. Esme thinks you're dead! And wishes she could join you."

"You didn't tell her?"

"NO!" I said incredulously. "If I had, do you think I would be coming here alone every day? I'd rather let her have some shred of hope that you're alive, and we'll find you, than tell her you abandoned her!" I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to calm myself. "'Cause that will surely kill her, Carlisle. Is that what you want? You want to hurt her so badly just so she'll feel an ounce of the pain you do? You think she doesn't feel it? You _selfish_ bastard. Believe me, she does!"

If I had a heartbeat, I would have thought the buzzing sound in my ears was the sound of blood rushing through my veins. But it wasn't, it was something else, something more corporeal. Pure anger and desire filled my senses. I struggled to speak as venom coated my mouth. "Do you know what I would give to have one more second with Bella? You're throwing it _all_ away." I didn't need to see my expression in his thoughts, I knew it was wild, almost animalistic, but as I looked at his face, it was as if nothing had registered.

"Edward, I _am_ sorry about Bella," he said in a clinical voice, "but it's probably better this way, she never would have had to suffer through all this." Again, he waved his hand around the room. " _This_ would have been harder for both of you," he said, his voice was cold, distant.

I had to take a step away from him, my face crumpling from the damage he had just inflicted. Who is this man? Where's the compassion? His humanity? I took a deep breath and sighed. This was not going as I had planned. 'Know God,' kept repeating in my head, 'Know Peace.'

"This isn't you." I shook my head back and forth. "I know what you're doing. You're trying to push me away. But it won't work." I looked him straight in the eye. " _You_ are not like this. You told me there's a God. You _believe_ he exists. I need you to tell me he does. I need to believe, to know that she's out there," I said desperately, my voice a higher pitch than usual. "I have a chance, right? You wouldn't be doing all of this for nothing. I know you, Carlisle! You're repenting too!"

_No, Edward, we never deserved all that we had. I was selfish, this is my punishment, just as it's yours._

His words hit me with such force, that for a second I thought he had hit me. I spoke in complete disbelief at the man I no longer recognized. "Who are you? Where is the man I called my father?"

"I'm not your father!" he scoffed and shook his head disagreeing with me. "I never was."

My anger boiled over, and I grabbed the lapels of his jacket pushing him up against the wall.

"Yes. You are. Don't tell me these last ninety years were for nothing!" My chest was heaving as my nostrils flared, and I could feel my hands shaking as I held him up to the wall.

"You should not have been, Edward. I should not have taken what was not mine to take," he said calmly devoid of any emotion. "What we are is an abomination. We don't belong here."

"But we _are_ here," I spat back. "I _am_ here _._ " My face crumbled in pain. I could no longer control my emotions and his words crushed me more than I could ever have imagined.

"It wasn't right," he said. "I know that now." _If God exists, then he would not have allowed us to live while his children perish and suffer._ He removed himself from my grip and walked away. _Don't come back._

And the next day and the day after that, he was gone. There was no trace of him or where he'd gone. I kept returning, hoping that he would show up, or someone would know something about his whereabouts, but after a week of this routine, I knew it was time to come clean and confess. It was now up to Emmett and me to pick up the pieces and figure out our next move.

Emmett and I had arrived outside of the bunker by the time I had finished my recount of the previous week. We were now in our usual spot, topside sitting on the rafter that hung over the doorway to the shelter.

"Whoa, that's heavy," Emmett said with a deep sigh.

Emmett was being kind with his words. In his head he was cursing, thoroughly disgusted with the tale of how Carlisle had been, but he chose to keep those words from crossing his lips.

"What do we do now?" He was trying to stay strong for my benefit, but the day's events coupled with this news of Carlisle, had pushed him to his limits. Like me, he was afraid to admit what we both knew was inevitable.

"I don't know. Do we wait? It seemed pretty final, Emmett. We could wait, but we have to think about Jasper too…"

"We give it a week," he said, taking the burden from me. "That's more than enough time." Emmett stood up, jumping down from the rafter. _He knows where to find us._ His eyes were filled with anger, and it told me he wanted to be alone, so I went back inside, back to the bunker where the rest of the family was waiting.

One more week to come up with a plausible excuse to tell Esme something that would do the least amount of damage.I felt like screaming or roaring just to get out the anger I had let build up over the past week. I needed to destroy something or do _something_ , anything.

.

THE WEEK WE HAD given Carlisle to return to us, was almost up, and I knew the decision to tell the others about it was fast approaching. For three days now, Alice had not left Jasper's side. We all knew what that kind of exposure would do to her, but no matter how hard everyone tried to convince her to leave, even for just a little bit, she refused. It was my turn now, and as I approached the door to the little room, I felt the familiar overwhelming crushing sensation sweep over me. With a deep breath and the determination to not let it control me, I opened the door to the same scene I had witnessed over twelve hours ago. Alice was curled up in the chair, her head on her knees, while Jasper had his back to her, his body as far away from her as possible.

"Alice?" I asked hesitantly.

There was only silence.

"Alice, please answer me." My voice was strong, but not too forceful.

_I'm not leaving._

"That's fine, you don't have to, but Esme said you haven't been feeding either," I stated flatly.

_I'll feed when he does._

"Alice," I sighed, moving around the bed which pretty much took up all the space in the room. I bent down in front of her and placed a hand on her leg, but she still didn't look up at me. "I don't want to argue about this today, okay? So let's just skip ahead to where you agree and let me bring you something if you aren't going to leave this room."

I stared at her, refusing to break my glare, until she responded. Minutes went by before she reluctantly rose to her feet, pushed past my shoulder without looking at me and walked through the door.

_Fine._

"You know, you could try using your voice once in awhile. It wouldn't kill you to have an actual conversation with me," I called out to her.

_You can't kill what's already dead._

I scoffed at her trying to lighten the mood. "Oh, was that an attempt at some humor?"

_Just the truth._

I couldn't get used to seeing Alice this way. Usually she was bursting at the seams with excitement and always the eternal optimist. Now she spent the days and nights sitting beside Jasper, desperately clinging to the chair, as if she moved, he might disappear altogether. There was no sign he was getting better. If we calculated how long it had been since he fed, it was going on eight weeks, and we didn't know how he was sustaining himself. I could communicate with him, but it was usually one word answers, nothing more. Emmett and I had briefly discussed the option of force feeding him, but we weren't exactly sure of the mechanics behind doing something like that. This is where Carlisle's knowledge would have come in handy. I had been thinking about it, and the only way I figured we could do it was to dislocate his jaw, and that meant breaking it to be able to get the blood down his throat. Causing Jasper anymore pain, was not something I was prepared to offer as a solution. It would break Alice and Esme's hearts to even suggest it.

When Alice came back into the room, her eyes were a little lighter and again she pushed passed me, slumping right back in the chair.

_Satisfied?_

"Thank you," I said and kissed her on the top of the head.

_Please leave us._

I complied with her wishes, and left the room in search of Emmett. I found him in the back of the bunker, mucking out the stalls for the goats. "What'd you do?" I asked, knowing it was punishment from Esme for something he had done.

"Give me a break! I didn't _do_ anything! I merely suggested to the 'ol' goat lady' that she was forming an unhealthy attachment to these animals, and you know we don't do so well with pets." _She didn't think it was funny, and said I needed to appreciate the goats a little more._ "This …" he lifted his foot, his nose turned up in repulsion at the waste that clung to his foot, "is disgusting."

"We need to talk about Jasper. Carlisle isn't coming back," I said decisively. "We need to think about Jasper and Alice, now." My patience had finally run thin with Carlisle, and I was fed up. It was time to move on and think about how we could help Jasper now. "We need to move him."

Emmett put the rake down, and leaned against one of the stalls. "I know. It's time, I guess. He's known damn well where he can find us, and it's clear he's not coming. We can't move Jasper though, not in the state he's in."

"That's why I need your help. I think we need to try the force feeding somehow." I explained my theory to him, about breaking his jaw, and he didn't like it, but he could see the necessity of it.

"How'll we get Alice away from him? Do we tell her what we plan to do?"

"I don't think we can. If we do it and it helps, she'll thank us, they both will."

"And if it doesn't?"

"I'll take full responsibility."

"You know he won't heal if it doesn't work."

"I'm well aware of that possibility, but what choice do we have?"

Emmett was silent for a minute before he picked up the rake and threw it against the wall in frustration. Neither one of us wanted to do this, and Emmett knew it would have to be his strength to actually break Jasper's jaw. He placed his hands on his head and let out a deep exasperated sigh. "Okay, so when? As soon as possible?"

I watched Emmett, and my guilty relief that it didn't have to be me was fleeting. I would have to be the one to hold Jasper down. "We have to time it right. I think the blood will strengthen him, but it'll strengthen his abilities too. We need to plan it so we're ready to leave immediately."

"I doubt the girls are going to go along with this. I can probably get Rosalie to come around, and maybe she can get Alice and Esme out of the bunker."

Our plans were interrupted by a solemn voice behind us. "No. No. No." Alice stood in the doorway shaking her head, she had heard every bit of our conversation. "I can't let you do this. You can't hurt him like that." She started to get a little hysterical and I reached for her, pulling her into my arms.

"Alice, it's been almost eight weeks that he's been like this, and he's just getting weaker," I said trying to comfort her.

"We can't do any permanent damage to him. He needs his strength if we're going to move him. You know, get him away from all of this." Emmett walked toward us and gently caressed her arm.

"I can't," she whispered. "What if it doesn't work? What if you make it worse?" Her voice cracked, and she looked so fragile.

I picked her up in my arms and took her over to the stool in the corner of the room. It had been a few weeks since we had been in this similar position. Her thoughts were desperate, all over the place and coming so fast. I rocked her back and forth, soothing her with gentle whispers as she gripped my shirt and choked on her sobs, trying to catch the breath she didn't really need.

Emmett knelt beside us. _Edward, we have to get her to agree to this._ I looked at him, wincing slightly, acknowledging that he was right. He caressed her back with small circles. "Alice, we don't have to do this right now. We can wait, but we just want to get him out of here as soon as possible."

"Where'll we go?" Her voice was tiny, barely above a whisper. My heart broke for her all over again.

"Alaska," I said, and Emmett's head shot up at me.

 _Edward, I said we'd take you to Phoenix._ His thoughts were angry, directed toward me and at what he referred to as my 'martyred ways.'

I cut Emmett's thoughts with a look, my expression clearly saying, _don't argue_. I would get them to Alaska and to Tanya's family, and then journey to Phoenix on my own.

"Alaska? Really?" Alice questioned, with a hint of excitement in her voice.

"That should be far enough from the majority of the surviving population, it should help. Besides, it'll be good for us to see some familiar faces, right?" And if Carlisle ever came to his senses, we could leave word in the bunker as to where we were.

"I want to know how long this will last," she said, her eyes frantic. "I can't go on without him."

I whispered softly, "He said the same thing about you, Alice, when you were fighting to get back to him. He's doing the same. He's fighting."

She was quiet for a while before she sighed. "You're right. Maybe it'll help. Maybe he'll wake up to the blood before you have to, you know." She couldn't say what we had planned to do, and I looked at Emmett over the top of her head. We both knew the smell of the blood wasn't going to get him to react, hence the reason for the idea about his jaw.

"It just might. You know Jasper never did have any self-control. Maybe we should rustle up some humans." Emmett chuckled.

"Really?" Her face brightened, with a glimmer of hope in her eyes. "Maybe human blood will work better!"

"Alice," I cautioned, "let's just try animal blood first." There had been enough death without us adding to it. I know each of us would do anything for our family, but I doubt that included feeding Jasper a human.

_Edward, maybe we should give that a try. I was only joking, but maybe it isn't animal blood Jasper needs. He never fully adapted to our diet, you know? Human blood does have its advantages._

I glared at Emmett, and Alice stiffened in my lap and I could see something turning in that head of hers.

"No. You two get that idea out of your heads. We're not going to do that! That's not who we are anymore." My warning was doing nothing to change their thought processes. Emmett was all for trying to bring a human in the bunker, hoping the smell would entice Jasper, and Alice didn't want Jasper harmed in any way, so she was entertaining the notion as well. I knew I had to put a stop to it before they had themselves convinced.

"We're _not_ doing that. Alice, you of all people know that whoever you bring is someone's brother, or son, or husband. You always tell Jasper this. You can't do this," I said, my anger coming through in my words.

"But we could find someone who's already sick, and has no one," she pleaded, even though her voice was conflicted.

I watched Emmett out of the corner of my eye nodding his head and thinking about the possibilities of what Alice had just said.

"No," I growled. "I won't let you do this. What would Carlisle say?"

"Screw it! Carlisle left us, Edward!"

Alice gasped. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that Carlisle doesn't give a damn about any of us, and all this time he's refused to come back to the family. Up until a week ago, he'd been working at the hospital this whole time," Emmett spat out in a rush of angry words.

The sound of glass shattering caused each of us to turn around to the noise behind us. Esme stood in the doorway surrounded by shattered pieces of ceramic from the pitcher of water she had been holding in her hands. And from the look on her face, the pitcher wasn't the only thing that had just been shattered.


	19. Music Has Charms to Soothe the Savage Beast

**CHAPTER 18**

****-:-** Music Has Charms to Soothe the Savage Beast **-:-****

* * *

**2006 **-:-** Past Memories**

None of us breathed. The three of us stood like statues staring at Esme, waiting for her to react. Her thoughts raced through my head as Emmett's words played over and over. Her expression was as crushed as the pieces of ceramic beneath her feet. The only sound in the room was the damn goat that continued to bleat as it recognized Esme standing in the doorway. Its cries filled the room, and with the silence of everything else, it was loud and extremely overwhelming.

Esme's mouth shut tight, her lips pressed firmly together. She stood up tall, straightening her posture, while her fists clenched at her sides. I had never seen or heard that much anger from her in all the years we had been a family. She was more than a 'woman scorned,' she was well beyond that. The rejection was evident in her eyes. They turned cold and dark, but her mind went blank, almost numb more like it. I had no inkling as to what she was thinking or what she would do next.

Without looking at the three of us, she staggered to the pen where the goat was calling out for her. Our eyes followed her, but our bodies stayed stationary, too terrified to move. The goat continued to bleat while it nudged her thigh affectionately looking to be fed. She lifted her hands—they were shaking slightly, the only indication she was feeling something— and gently roamed them down its neck, like she was caressing it. In one sharp movement, her shoulders twisted, snapping the goat's neck, silencing the room of its cries. She picked it up under her arm, and carried it out of the room without saying a word.

"Ah, what just happened?" Emmett said in utter disbelief.

"You! Is what happened, Emmett! How could you be that insensitive?" I rubbed my hands on my thighs, like I was trying to get the feeling back in my limbs.

"She had to find out eventually." He shrugged his shoulders. " _I_ am not the bad guy in this."

"Yes, she had to find out, but _that_ wasn't exactly how it should have happened." I yelled at him, and he yelled back. We continued to argue toe to toe, neither of us holding back. We fought about everything and anything that had happened in the last few decades, both of us calling the other out for ridiculous things we had done in the past.

"Stop it," Alice whispered. "Stop," she said a little louder. We could hear her saying it over and over again, until eventually she screamed, the sound bouncing off the concrete walls. We stopped mid sentence to look over at Alice who had her hands in her head. "What is happening to us?" she said to herself.

"Emmett, what the _hell_ is going on!" Rosalie hollered from the hallway, seconds before appearing in the doorway. "You want to tell me what you did to Esme? She just waltzed out the door with a dead goat under her arm. Did you _kill_ her goat?"

No one wanted to fess up to Rosalie, and we all just turned our heads to the floor.

"Well?" she asked, crossing her arms.

"Esme killed it," Emmett said.

Rosalie was baffled and demanded an explanation from him. We shared all that we knew with Alice and Rosalie, everything that had been going on in the last few weeks and about Carlisle's disappearance.

"Idiots! The lot of you," she hissed, looking at the two of us. "Come on, Alice, let's go find her." She motioned to Alice, and tucked her under her arm.

"Rosalie, I really think I should go," I disagreed.

"No. _You've_ done enough damage. She doesn't need you two oafs, she needs us. _You_ two, are going to figure out how to rectify what you've done, and what the next step is to getting us out of this, 'cause I've had enough of this godforsaken place." She turned Alice toward the door and they left us standing in the middle of the room in awe, watching their departure.

"Huh," Emmett said as he started to smile.

"What?"

"My Rosie's back." He nudged me, grinning widely.

.

WE HAD BEEN SITTING in the main area of the bunker for the past hour debating what needed to be done. The back and forth was wearing us all down, but I was doubly assaulted with their words and their thoughts. The lines had been clearly formed. Alice and Rosalie had managed to convince Esme to come back, but she was different. Hardened, and it was unnerving. The gentle, tender woman I considered my mother was gone, in her place stood a woman ready to do battle. She had been on a terror packing up anything we would be taking with us. She was ready to leave.

"We do it." Esme's voice was hard and clipped. Her first priority was the family. She no longer cared about righteousness. If there was any chance of helping Jasper, she was willing to try.

"We can't just kill somebody, hoping it snaps Jasper out of whatever is wrong with him," I said calmly.

With all the supplies we were taking, we quickly realized carrying Jasper was not an option. We needed him up on his own two feet, and now we were discussing how to get him there. I insisted he be included in the decision, so we had moved him to the hospital bed. His emotions were definitely not helping the discussion. His thirst was evident, as was his anger, grief, sorrow, pain. Every emotion swirled in the air. Which only compounded each of our own.

I was having a difficult time with everyone in my head. Emmett and Esme had already decided, regardless of the outcome of this discussion. Rosalie sat directly across from them, glaring. She, surprisingly, did not agree with their decision. Alice had yet to make up her mind. She only wanted what was best for Jasper, and was willing to try anything.

 _Don't let them do it,_ Jasper said silently. The look on his face conveyed everything to me. His cheeks were sunken in and he looked malnourished. The familiar bruises beneath his eyes were much more pronounced. He hadn't taken the news of Carlisle very well, and his suffering was evident.

"Jasper doesn't want this," I said on his behalf. "Doesn't that count for anything? You can't make him, and tempting him like this is cruel."

"Sorry, Jasper," Esme apologized, her tone warm again, "but I don't think you know what's best right now, honey. This is our best chance. You're weak, and starved. Human blood will give you the strength you need to get past this."

"How can you say that to him?" Rosalie snapped. "After all he's fought against to restrain himself, and you want to make him give that up? He won't get past it." Rosalie stood up and started pacing. "We aren't monsters. We'll never find a new place to live if we revert to those ways. We need a place to live, Esme."

"We'll figure something out," Esme said, as if it was no big deal.

"Not if we can't control ourselves. Carlisle instilled in—"

"Well, in case you hadn't noticed, Rosalie, he's not here. So everything he stands for? Doesn't apply in my book," Emmett interrupted.

"How can you say that? Just because he's gone, doesn't change who we are." Rosalie stopped her pacing to stare at her husband. She couldn't believe they were disagreeing over this. The whole family was split down the middle. "We still have to survive out there!" She waved her arms toward the metal door.

"It's a new world. New rules are going to apply," Esme said. "It's time for a change."

"What are you insinuating?" I said.

"Well, what's the point of restraint? We are who we are. There's no point denying it. If Carlisle thinks we're monsters, then let's be monsters." She shrugged her shoulders with indifference, but her thoughts were the complete opposite. It pained her greatly to speak this way.

I stood up from my chair, and was at her feet in an instant. "Esme, you don't believe that." I shook my head, bending down to place my hands on her knees.

Her jaw was tight as she glared at me. "Yes, I do."

"I will not allow this." I emphasized each word clearly, trying a different approach.

Her eyebrows shot up, not expecting me to go against her so emphatically. "We've _all_ suffered enough. _You've_ suffered, and I will do whatever it takes so Alice and Jasper don't have to live through that."

I was a little appalled at the tactic she was using with me, but understood. She was deeply wounded, and lashing out any way she could. "I'm not disputing that," I said more softly, "but there has to be another way." I was pleading for myself and Jasper, and maybe even Carlisle.

"Well, hotshot, until you figure that out, the plan stands." Emmett stood up, finalizing the conversation.

"We need to have a vote," I said, attempting one last chance at stopping this. "The family always votes on important decisions. And I say this is about as important as it gets."

.

I LEFT THE BUNKER. The vote was three to three, although Emmett argued that Jasper's vote didn't count, and Rosalie and I insisted it did. If anything, we should have been leaving the decision up to him. In the brief times he was lucid enough to speak to me, he had told me he wanted no part of what Emmett, Esme and Alice were suggesting. He was certain it might make things worse. Alice just wanted him to feed, without having to go to the extremes of breaking his jaw, so she was willing to try anything. Esme and Emmett were so angry at Carlisle, the idea of abandoning his ways was extremely appealing to them.

I didn't want to resort to the idea of using human blood as bait for Jasper. It was cruel and unnecessary. We had come too far to go backward. I needed to believe that we were not monsters, that what Carlisle had said was wrong. Bella had always believed I was not a monster, now I just needed to prove it to myself.

It would be so easy to slip into chaos. The world was calling for it, but if we took this step, where would our future lie? What or who would we become? There would always be some justification for the act, I would know, I had been there before. I had no intention of going back to the monster I once was. Bella had shown me I was more than just a killer. The lawlessness in the world didn't mean we had to succumb to it, we were better than that. Esme's judgment was clouded by her feelings of betrayal, Emmett's too. They were acting on impulse, not reason. I just needed to find Carlisle to make everything right for them again.

I was on my way to the hospital, a one last ditch effort, hoping he had returned. Today, as I walked past the wall, I noticed it had filled up with random names and dates, so I decided to take a closer look. A new message read, 'This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you,' and there were a few names written below with the dates of what I assumed to be a birth and a death on this earth.

Every day I walked past it, and never took the opportunity to really admire it. Today, I just stood there staring. It had grown into something truly remarkable. You could see the evolution of the wall written in every message of despair and hope, and now … acceptance. Before I even knew what I was doing, I picked up a piece of charcoal, and in the most elegant script I could manage with the bulky piece, I wrote:

_'Isabella Marie Swan - September 13, 1987 to March 16, 2006.'_

I dropped the charcoal at my feet, and softly traced the letters with my fingers. I let out a staggering breath knowing this was as close as I was going to get to a final goodbye. This wall would be our effigy.

Eventually I left the comfort of my wall, and continued on to the hospital. As I approached, the smell of acrid, burning rubber filled my senses, and I noticed a column of smoke up ahead. Something wasn't right. I honed in on random thoughts as I ran toward the smoke. The left side of the hospital, the only side that hadn't really been affected by the blasts, was up in flames. People were filing out of the hospital, coughing from the black billows of smoke. Their thoughts were terrified, overshadowing their screams. Moving closer, I found one of the nurses I was familiar with sitting on the ground, her scrubs covered in blood. The scent was a little overpowering even through the smells of the burning building, and I had to stop myself from breathing. She looked up when my shadow fell across her, and when she saw me she began to weep.

"They took it all," she cried. "All of it … they had guns …" She went to cover her mouth, but stopped once she saw the blood that caked her hands. "Why? Why would they do that?"

From what I could tell, the hospital had been attacked by some kind of marauders. They came in with guns blazing, and took all of the hospital's supplies, killing anyone who got in their way. There was nothing left, all the medicines, the food, the water, all gone. They could no longer operate as a functioning hospital. Before they left, they set the rooms on fire for no apparent reason, trapping anyone who couldn't move on their own. The screams and cries were all around us. My head pounded with the random, frantic thoughts.

The madness always followed chaos. When people are so far removed from society's mores and restrictions, it is only a matter of time before moral boundaries begin to fade. They lose sight of right and wrong, or good and evil—the words just become terms. I had seen it in parts of the world before, but now it was here. I was experiencing it firsthand, and there was nothing I could do about it. This was as unreal as everything else that had happened in the last few weeks. ' _The rest of the world was nowhere. Gone, disappeared; swept off without leaving a whisper or a shadow behind.'_

I backed away from the nurse, silently pleading my apologies, because I couldn't offer her any comfort. I was spent. In that instant, I realized I was nothing like these humans. This notion of humanity I so desperately clung to was false. There was nothing else in this whole world, but that truth. We needed to get out of this city. It was the only way our family was going to survive this madness. We couldn't wait for Carlisle to come around. With a heavy heart, I made the trek back to the bunker, trying to calm myself along the way so I wouldn't bring what I had witnessed back to my family.

As I turned the corner, to take one final glimpse at my wall, I heard catcalls and laughter, followed by a piercing scream.

"Don't!" a young woman yelled. She was being held with her hands behind her back, up against the wall by man dressed in tatters. He was covered in dirt and ash from head to toe, and even from where I stood, I could smell the human waste on his clothing. She was thrashing to get loose, while the man laughed and imitated everything she was saying.

In all the times I passed the wall, I had never run into anyone, which was part of the enchantment behind it, like the messages were appearing by divine will. Seeing people here, shattered the illusion, and I sunk back in the shadows to watch. The young woman continued to struggle to break free, her thoughts were pleading for help. The man's partner, an older woman, in the same sad state as him, was cackling in a high-pitched voice as her arm made giant round strokes on the wall. It took me a few seconds to realize what she was doing, and my grief and rage finally ran its course.

I leapt from the shadows, and was on the two vagrants in seconds. I held them both by the throat, up against _my_ wall with their feet dangling in the air. They couldn't speak. They could barely breathe as they clawed at my arms. The young girl had fallen to the ground during my fury and sat there stunned, not knowing what had happened. None of them had seen me coming, and they were terrified by my rage, even the young girl. Her heart was pumping loudly, and I could smell the blood as it rushed through her veins. She was stuttering, trying to speak, deciding if she was grateful for my interference. She knew the two I held, and didn't actually wish to see them harmed.

"Go," I said through clenched teeth, my eyes never leaving the two who were seconds away from death.

The girl scrambled to her feet, falling a few times and scraping her hand on a cinder block. I smelled the blood instantly, and it set my senses blazing. Thirst burned through my throat like fire. My brain was a clouded mess of incoherent thought as I struggled to gain an ounce of control. I was a vampire, and this was what I was meant to do. These two were not innocent. It was only a matter of time before they upgraded their petty crimes to something more significant. I would be preventing that from happening. It was vindication.

The girl ran off, and I took a deep breath. I still smelled the blood, but now it was tainted by these two pathetic creatures and their filth. These would be justified deaths, I compromised with myself.

For one short second, I was able to think clearly. In that second, I saw two faces, side by side.

One was Carlisle, my creator, my mentor, my father in all ways that counted. In my head, I didn't care if he forgave me. I didn't want his forgiveness. He was gone, abandoned me and the rest of the family. He didn't care enough for me to worry about his judgment. I would prove him wrong, and a part of me was happy. This fact pleased me almost as much as the fire burning in my throat. I leaned closer to the two I held against the wall, taking another deep breath.

There was one other face which loomed in the shadows of my head. Bella. Why did I think of her now at a time like this? What would she think? Would I fail her if I did this?

I stopped myself for a moment, pausing and wondering if I could come back from this, and if I wanted to. There was nothing left to lose, I reasoned. It didn't matter. All this sacrifice and denial was for nothing. There was no reason to resist the calling. Seven decades without human blood, and I no longer had to fight against what I was. I, not the monster, rejoiced.

I slowly opened my eyes. The two were still struggling, gasping for air. My eyes focused straight ahead, and I saw her name written by my own hand. _'Isabella Marie Swan.'_ My breath caught in my throat. She was here … watching. What was I doing?

As I started to loosen the holds on their necks, my eyes caught site of a crude, graphic drawing right below her name, and I remembered the reason for my anger. These two cretins had defaced my beloved wall, and all that it represented. I roared, slamming the two up against the wall again. The bricks crushed beneath them as they blacked out. Maybe _I_ couldn't kill these two, but they would still serve a purpose.

I HELD THE TWO by their necks again, my arms outstretched as I stood in the middle of the bunker. Sacrificial lambs to the slaughter. My anger knew no bounds. My rage had taken over. I was angry at Charlie for letting Bella leave; at Victoria and James and why they couldn't have left us alone; Carlisle for abandoning me; Esme and Emmett for making me do something I didn't want to do; Rosalie for questioning what I was about to do; Jasper for giving up, and Alice for letting him. I was angry at Bella for dying.

All of that didn't compare to the wrath I felt for myself. Bella was dead because I wasn't strong enough to love her. I never accepted that she had loved me in return.

Every emotion I'd felt in the last seven months since I left her in the woods, flooded my body. My head snapped around to Jasper lying on the bed. He was using every ounce of energy he had to project my feelings back at me, trying to reach my human side that had been left behind back at my wall.

A feral snarl crossed my lips, proving to him it wasn't going to work. "Is this what you wanted?" I stalked toward Esme and Emmett sitting on the couch. "Will this do?" I hissed at them.

"Edward! Let them go," Rosalie cried. "You're better than this."

"There's nothing left but this! What's the point anymore?" The humans had started coming to. Their terrified eyes glanced around the room, wondering if this was a nightmare. "It's worse than any nightmare. Monsters _do_ exist." I shook them forcefully, their eyes rolling back in their heads.

Rising warily from the sofa, Esme caressed my arm. _You can put them down, Edward. They can't go anywhere._ I held her gaze for a moment more, and then she turned to Emmett. "Help him, please?"

"I can't believe you are going to go through with this! You don't know what you're doing!" Rosalie yelled. "Emmett, I will _never_ forgive you for this." She ran down the hall, back toward the animal stalls.

"How are we going to do this?" Emmett asked.

"What is Jasper thinking?" Esme asked me.

Alice had moved closer to Jasper, who was obviously battling his thirst. He didn't want to do this, but he couldn't deny the dry ache in his throat. If he wasn't so crippled by his emotions, in his state he would have been extremely dangerous. His eyes were black and his mind was filled with shame at his weakness as he struggled to move across the bed. As his thirst started to build, it had its own effect on the rest of us. Alice licked her lips in anticipation, her eyes darkened with hunger too.

"He's struggling. He wants the blood, but doesn't know if he can."

Alice jumped up on to the bed. "Jasper, honey, you can do this. This is all I'm asking," she pleaded. She gently held his chin wincing slightly at the contact. Turning his face to her, she whispered, "I know it's painful, but this has to end now. You're keeping me waiting again, and you know how I hate that. You're not getting out of eternity with me. Okay, baby? I need you. Please do this for me." She kissed him softly on the lips. "Come back to me."

Jasper closed his eyes, burdened by his failings. "Okay." He said it so quietly, I wasn't sure he had spoke out loud. Alice flung her arms around him, peppering his face with kisses.

"I say we bleed them," Emmett stated simply.

I had set the humans down, and they were huddled together on the floor, whimpering at Emmett's suggestion. The man began to protest.

"Please, please … just let us go. We didn't mean it. We're sorry," he begged, choking on his tears. The woman was now sobbing, desperately clinging to the man. Her wails became louder and it was reverberating off the walls, causing my head to pound.

"If we bleed them, Jasper's senses should take over." Esme offered, ignoring the humans.

"Wh-what _are_ you?" the male asked. "Are you going to … to eat us? We have food, back at our place. You can have it all. Please, just let us go."

The girl continued to scream hysterically, grabbing Esme by the thighs, begging her to let her go. Seizing the opportunity of the distraction, the man ran for the door, but I was in front him before he was even fully standing. My instincts took over as I grabbed the man by the hair, dragging him toward the bed. I could hear the blood pumping through his veins. I smelled it, and with Jasper's hunger it was double the thirst. He was imagining how the hot flow of the man's pulse beneath his skin would feel against his lips…

Before I knew what I was doing, the rush of warm heaven filled my mouth. My eyes rolled back in my head, reveling in the ecstasy I was feeling. The liquid soothed my itching thirst while I drank in an eager rush. The blood radiated throughout my whole body, causing a warmth I hadn't felt in decades. I was struggling to stop, knowing I couldn't drain the man dry. As much as the predator inside of me wanted this, this was for Jasper, not for me. With every ounce of willpower I could muster, I released the man, offering him to Jasper.

The woman's screams were deafening now, and my head continued to pound with every one of her cries. It was all so chaotic and wrong, but I felt alive. The blood was streaming from the wound in the man's neck, and Jasper's eyes were bright and eager from the smell. My venom had entered the man's blood stream and I knew from his thoughts the burning had begun. His neck was strained, the veins popping out as he struggled against the flames.

"Hurry, Jasper," I said, licking my lips.

"Edward!" a voice gasped from behind us.

The sound of the voice startled me, causing me to drop the body at my feet. I wiped my mouth on my sleeve as I slowly turned around. My eyes zeroed in on a horrified Carlisle standing in the doorway to the bunker.

"What have you done?"

**2016 **-:-** Present Day**

As dawn approached the morning of the festival, I couldn't help reflecting back to one of our darkest times. We had come so far in the last ten years. Things were so different, almost normal, human.

Our house was a whirlwind of activity while we loaded the last of the supplies in the vehicles. Most of the stuff had already been delivered to the compound, but the items Alice wanted to leave as a surprise, were coming with us today. Food that required refrigeration was also left until the last minute, along with the generators we had been using in the last few days for our preparations.

We couldn't help but stop to admire the sun coming up over the hill, turning the sky pink as it rose. A little ray of sunlight reached through the trees and met Alice's face. Her skin sparkled as it was accustomed to do in the sunlight. She gasped, pointing at the sparkles on my skin that matched her own.

"No. No. No … NO!" she said panicking. "It's been rainy and cloudy everyday for two weeks! And today, the sun decides to shine!" She was absolutely crushed. She had wanted to spend the night at the compound, working straight through, but Carlisle had insisted we all come home for this very reason. Each day that dawn broke was always a wait in anticipation for what kind of day it would be and whether or not we could visit the people of Forks and La Push. So far, we had been extremely lucky.

"What do we do? We have to go! We have all this stuff for the morning." She was pacing around the Humvee, her head filled with all kinds of scenarios, most of them involving head to toe costumes, like turkeys or pumpkins.

"There is no way I am doing _that_ , Alice, so you can forget it."

"Doing what?" Emmett asked, as he pushed a sack of coffee beans into the back of the Humvee.

I pointed to his exposed skin. "Alice is thinking of costumes for all of us. I must admit, you as a turkey, Emmett, is quite amusing."

"What's amusing?" Kate and Irina asked, now joining us around the vehicles. I explained the predicament, and everyone was laughing at the situation, because there really wasn't anything else we could do.

"It's not funny!" Alice pouted. "We've worked so hard."

By this point, the eleven of us were outside surrounding the vehicles. Alice's defeated little form was backed up against one of the Humvees.

"Mi pequeñita," Eleazar spoke up as he put his arm around her, "some say the vampire has been around as long as the sun. In fact, many believe the sun loves the vampire so much, he bestowed this gift of," he touched her cheek, "diamonds to us. We must have faith, querida. He will not let us down today."

"I didn't see this coming," she said heartbroken. "I've been right about so many things, how could I not sense this?"

"You're gift will come back, it is still there. But today," Eleazar lifted her chin directing her to look west, "it is as I said. He would not let us down, not on a day like today." A huge grin exploded on to Alice's face as she watched the clouds begin to roll in from the direction of the coast.

The eleven of us stood in a staggered line, watching the clouds, and although the people at the compound where probably cursing the clouds, we were praising them, and all that they stood for. They protected our identity, let us walk amongst the humans as one of them, but to Alice, it meant a little salvation from the dreary existence we had been living for the past decade. Each of us stood silent for a moment, wondering what we could expect from the day ahead of us. Their thoughts were a mix of blessings and excitement. No matter what happened today, it was a celebration ten years in the making, for everyone, human and vampire alike. The Denali coven was our family, just as we had come to consider many of the people in the compound as well.

I felt Esme's arm slip through my own, as she did the same with Carlisle, who in turn, grabbed Rosalie, who turned to Emmett. The embraces went down the line, until everyone in our family was intertwined in some way connected to one another. Eleven vampires encircled around each other, sparkling in the morning sunlight, standing in front of military grade Humvees that had seen better days, in a forest that had been ravaged by nuclear war. It must have been some sight to see. As the clouds moved in and our skin was camouflaged once again, Alice whispered three little words, "We did it."

.

WE ARRIVED AT THE compound, just as people were starting to move about. Of course the children had been waiting at the top of the hill just inside of the gate, hoping to catch the first glance of our caravan. They ran behind us yelling as Carlisle slowly drove the lead vehicle toward the hangar. Charlie, and the Clearwaters were waiting to welcome us, as were many others. They looked tired, yet energized at the same time if that was possible.

The majority of the daytime activities were set up on the old runways, leaving the evening's activities, such as the dance floor and stage in the center of the compound near the school. The decorations in the daylight were absolutely stunning. The women had really outdone themselves. Corn stalks, colorful leaves and pumpkins—a few of them still a bit green—covered every post in the compound. They had even managed to make some crude hay bales which were placed strategically in locations to be used as benches. It was everything a harvest festival should entail. Everything was either handcrafted or grown, and it was more than anyone would ever have expected.

We had started unpacking the vehicles. Carmen asked Eleazar to pull out the sack of coffee beans first. She hesitantly approached Charlie and Sue asking them for a moment of their time.

"My family tells me you have been out of coffee for some time," Carmen said affectionately.

Charlie had a look of surprise on his face, not sure of what to say to her. It had been about five years since any of them had remembered what coffee tasted like. They had been making do with a crude version of tea from local plants. He scratched his head. "Ah, yeah, I guess you could say that. I've kind of forgotten about it," he said chuckling, as he rubbed his chin.

"Well, we do not have a propensity for it, and would like you to have this as a gift for your hospitality." Eleazar placed the large bag in front of Sue and Charlie, and as the bag hit the ground, the aroma of coffee beans stirred in the air. Charlie closed his eyes breathing deeply, and a look of euphoria crossed his face.

As much as he wanted the coffee, he knew exactly how much that bag of beans could fetch in another district. He wasn't about to accept it for his hospitality, which to him, was just something that he deemed as human nature, nothing more than any decent person would do. He didn't realize just how rare he and this settlement really were.

Eleazar looked over at me, as he listened to Charlie protest. _This is a good man. He would make a fine vampire._ I could only glower in response to his thoughts.

"Charlie, they really wanted to do this. Please take it, because if you don't, Carmen's likely to waste it on the wildlife," I said as she nodded, agreeing with me.

"Sí guapo … it's true! Do not test me! Besides, it will be needed for a crisp day like today."

Seth stepped forward. "I'll take it!" he volunteered. "Lighten up, Charlie. You're a cop. You can't tell me you're not dying for a taste. Too bad mom didn't make any donuts," he said, poking Charlie in the stomach.

That earned Seth a cuff to the ear, as Charlie mumbled something that sounded like smartass.

The day went off without a hitch. Even despite the weather, which had turned a bit cold, everyone was in great spirits as people socialized and competed throughout the day. A lot of that had to do with the coffee and the homemade 'spirits' they had poured into their mugs, but it was a marvelous day filled with many highs.

Things had started to wrap up after dinner. The wolves had been hunting earlier in the week, and provided a couple of feral hogs for roasting. From what everyone said, they were delicious. We all tried a bit of everything, but we couldn't distinguish between good or bad, it all tasted disgusting. The only hiccup in my day was a brief encounter with Paul, a member of the wolf pack. It was an unexpected run in, but we managed to maintain our composures under watchful eyes. I asked him to relay a message to Jacob that I wished to speak to him, and he reluctantly agreed to pass on my message. All in all, it couldn't have been a better day.

Rosalie and Mike's play with the children had just finished. It was a huge success, providing us with a little comic relief to the day, as things inevitably went wrong with children and live audiences. But everyone was proud nonetheless.

"If I could have everyone's attention," Mike Newton's voice rang out over the microphone. "Hello?" he asked again as people continued to ignore him and carry on with their conversations. "Can I have … hello?" he whined a little.

Charlie stepped up on stage and let out a huge high-pitched whistle. "Hey! Listen up!" he yelled and immediately the crowd was silent. He looked over at Mike and gave him a quick wink and jumped down off the stage.

Mike, with his head down, mumbled an embarrassed thank you, and stepped closer to the front of the stage. "We have a few things we want to take care of before we continue the festivities." He cleared his throat as he took a piece of paper out of his pocket. "The chief wanted me to remind you that under no circumstances are you to be using the south lot anymore for composting. We have a new one set up, and some of you," he looked over at Jessica Stanley and her mother, "are still using the old one."

Jessica blushed while her mother's mouth dropped open in exclamation about to object, but Jessica grabbed her mother's arm signaling her to keep quiet.

Mike continued to recite a list of reminders, and while there were grumbles of protest at the new rules, others nodded in agreement. I sat with my family off to the side at the back, with Tanya's family behind us. We were not a part of this, so we tried to stay out of the way as much as possible. This was their community and we were outsiders.

Mike finally wrapped up and put his list back in his pocket. "Thank you all for being patient. Now that the boring stuff is out of the way," he smiled at the crowd, "we can get on with the celebrations and the awards! It's been a truly amazing day, filled with so many memorable moments, but I definitely think the highlight of the day was the corn on the cob eating contest." He turned to Seth. "You gave a good run, Seth, but everyone knows you can't compete with a Cullen." Mike's gaze briefly glanced my way, his thoughts only slightly sour, before he focused in on Emmett. "Emmett, would you come on up and get your ribbon!" There were shouts and cheers as people clapped for Emmett, while he walked up to claim his prize, a simple homemade blue ribbon. Emmett held it triumphantly over his head, elated that he had actually won something. He never had an opportunity to win anything. We participated in things over the years, but we never tried to win. We clearly had the advantage in most things, and we knew it wasn't fair. Apart from Emmett's razor-sharp teeth, he truly was disadvantaged in this challenge. The win was definitely bittersweet. His body had paid for the win and then some, so that ribbon meant everything to him.

Alice and I couldn't stop giggling at his victory, and Rosalie continued to glare at the fool on stage, pretending to be annoyed, but I saw the corner of her mouth turn up as she tried to stifle her smile. One of us actually won something, and leave it to Emmett to be a contest for eating human food.

"Jasper would have loved this," Alice said to me. I nodded, grabbing her hand giving it a gentle squeeze. She leaned her head on my shoulder, and I put my arm around her instead.

"He would," I whispered, "and maybe it'd be him up there instead of Emmett. You know he can't back down from a challenge from that meathead." I laughed at the idea of Jasper and Emmett battling it out over corn on the cob. "We should have waited for him," I said sadly, pulling her closer to me.

"There'll be others," she replied confidently looking up at me.

"Oh, really? Is this psychic Alice foretelling or being optimistic?"

"Both!" She laughed, breaking free from me and ran up to hug Emmett as he strutted over to us. "Congratulations!" He picked her up, and swung her around, placing her over his shoulder. "Emmett! Put me down!" she yelled.

"No way! I heard you two and there's no _way_ Jasper would have been able to beat _this_." He patted his stomach, and spun her around again as Alice continued to shriek.

Rosalie had moved from Esme's side, and was now standing next to me with her arms crossed. She was trying so hard to pretend. "Emmett," she sighed.

"Give it a rest," I laughed, "you're not fooling anyone." I winked which only caused a scowl from her.

Emmett smacked Alice's behind before placing her back on her feet. "Come on, Rose, I did it all for you!" He held out the blue ribbon as an offering, inching his way closer to her, a wry smirk playing out on his face. We had gathered a little bit of a crowd now, and some of Rosalie's students were inching their way closer. Many of the young children had been fascinated with Emmett's size and booming voice and a few were still terrified of him. But seeing him in this light, playful and at ease, gave a few of them the extra courage to come a little closer. Rosalie stood there, arms still crossed, her mind trying to decide what to do with him, when a little girl yelled out.

"Kiss him, Miss Rosalie!"

The crowd erupted in laughter, Rosalie included, and before she could protest, Emmett had her in his arms, and planted a big kiss on her lips. Everyone cheered with delight, their thoughts filled with the notion of "young love."

Mike continued to hand out ribbons for all kinds of things, from pie baking to arm wrestling to log throwing. The day's events were packed with events that almost everyone could participate in. Even us.

"Now, before we kick off this evening's festivities, I'm going to hand it over to the Chief." I smiled to myself knowing what this was about. I only found out about it a few days ago, and it had been hard to keep it a secret from everyone, especially Carlisle, but from what I could tell, he was unsuspecting of what was to come.

Charlie walked up on stage and grabbed the microphone from Mike, smiling at the crowd. He tapped the end of it and said, "Do I even need this?" He waved it about and was met with shouts of 'yes' across the crowd. "Okay, then." He raised his eyebrows a few times, which caused the kids in the audience to laugh. "I'm not so good at these kinds of things, so I'll cut to the chase. It's been a long time since any one of us has celebrated anything just for the sake of celebrating. None of this … and I mean none of this … would be possible without the Cullens. Particularly Alice Cullen." He gave her quick smile, and he hesitated for a moment, trying to collect himself. "Alice," his voice cracked, "you've given us our laughter back. Gave us a purpose again, and we'll be forever grateful. We have a little something for you, it's not much, but your father told me you're a girl who loves her jewelry. Some of the ladies got together and handcrafted something for you." He motioned Alice to come up on stage, as Sue carried a small, wooden box in her hands toward them.

Alice looked up at me completely surprised, and I couldn't help but laugh. Even after all these years, she hadn't accepted the idea that someone could do something for her without her knowing about it.

"Go on, you'll love it. I promise," I whispered.

The women had made Alice a necklace. It was a plain, long silver chain that held an intricate pendant, housing a fairly large stone the size of a cherry. The setting was stunning, with thin silver wrapping around it, encasing the gem, like it was protecting it.

Charlie held it up for her. "May I?" he asked as he undid the clasp. She turned her back to him, allowing him to place it around her neck, while she marveled the stone. Her hand softly touched it as it nestled just above her breast bone.

Charlie leaned down and whispered in her ear, "The gemstone is jasper. It's found around these parts. They had a heck of a time trying to find it, but I think they managed well enough." He winked at Alice giving her his wide grin that he only reserved for her.

Alice was completely stunned, and for the first time in a long time she was truly touched beyond words. She stood in front of Charlie, not moving, and the crowd fell silent, waiting for her to react.

Sue stepped up to explain, trying to bridge the silence. "It's just … we know it can't be easy for you … and we wanted a way for him to be here with you…" she trailed off, second guessing the idea for the necklace. "If you don't like it, we—"

Alice launched herself at the two of them, almost causing them to topple over. She held them firmly, telling them, "Thank you," over and over again. "It's the most precious thing anyone's ever given me."

"Well, you're pretty precious to us, Alice." Charlie released her, and cupped her cheek with his hand. "Now, go on, no one wants to see an old man cry." He gently pushed her toward the edge of the stage, closer to the stairs. Alice slowly descended, never taking her eyes off the gemstone. Hearing her thoughts, I could tell that she hadn't expected this, and her little heart was wrought with emotion.

I placed my arm around her again, and held her tightly to me for fear her legs would give out. But if anything, I think the necklace did the opposite. It gave her courage, like her own talisman. She was ready to face whatever was coming her way.

"If you think that was good, you should see what they have in store for Esme and Carlisle," I said chuckling while I rubbed her arm.

"Okay, folks! One last thing. I know most of you have been itching for me to get to this. I want to thank each and every one of you for contributing and making this happen, and more importantly for keeping it a secret!" The crowd laughed, and people started to shift a little closer to the stage.

"Angela?" Charlie shielded his eyes as he scanned the crowd. "You and that husband of yours, ready?" Angela and Ben walked up on stage. Ben was holding baby Caroline, or Izzie as he called her, while Angela was carrying a small wooden plaque in her hands. "Esme, Dr. Cullen, would you come on up here too, please?" Carlisle and Esme were standing just behind us, and Esme's thoughts immediately turned to surprise and embarrassment when Charlie mentioned her name. Esme was never one to be the center of attention and the idea of standing up on stage in front of everyone was terrifying to her. With a little coaxing from the family and the crowd, Carlisle reluctantly dragged her up to stand beside Charlie and the others.

Angela cleared her throat before she began to speak. "We wanted to take this opportunity to officially welcome you to our community." She turned the piece of wood to reveal a simple, yet elegant, hand-painted sign with the name 'Cullen' on it.

Esme accepted the gift, passing it to Carlisle as they both studied it. They were a little perplexed at the gift, but Esme hugged Angela and thanked her for the sign nonetheless.

"Now," Charlie began, turning his attention to Carlisle, "I know you have that beautiful, big old house on the outskirts of Forks that Esme adores, and you have no intention of giving it up. But it seems silly to have to travel back and forth so often, when you spend so much time in the clinic. And staying in the clinic is not great at the best of times." This elicited some chuckles and guffaws from the crowd and a few catcalls about the hospitality in the bunker. "It's such a long drive, and we know how much you don't like to be away from Esme. We want you and your family to have a place to … er … 'hang your hat' while you're here." Esme placed her hands over her mouth and gasped. "We don't have keys in this place, but consider this," he pointed to the sign, "as keys to your new house." The crowd erupted in claps and cheers, as Esme turned her head into Carlisle's shoulder. "Everyone pitched in. It's nothing fancy, but it's yours to do what you like with it."

Alice was squeezing my side so hard, I actually winced, and had to pry her fingers from my body. In all our years together as a family, we had never truly been accepted anywhere. We were sociable enough, but were always on the outskirts, always carefully guarded and kept everyone at a safe distance. Emmett had Rosalie tucked into his side as well, as she tried to hide her emotions. He looked at me over the top of her head, and his face was a blank canvas.

 _This is either a blessing or a curse,_ he said silently and I automatically stiffened knowing he was right. I had been struggling with this for the last few days when I had learned about the house accidentally. I should have told the family so they would be expecting it, but a part of me wanted to see that look of surprise on their faces. I wanted to experience that, and convinced myself that I had been over-reacting. But hearing Emmett's concerns mirroring my own, I began to worry again.

The people of Forks and La Push had given my family a house, accepted them as one of their own in their community, but it was an acceptance based on lies. What would happen if the truth came out? How would the family survive that kind of rejection after all this? There was a reason why we didn't get emotionally attached to places or people. We were never around long enough to warrant that kind of emotion.

 _Please, just enjoy this._ Alice said, looking up at me. _We can worry about things later. Tonight, let's just be happy._

"You're absolutely right," I said quietly, kissing the top of her head.

We watched as Carlisle and Esme thanked everyone. Esme kept her head down, to feign her lack of tears, but I knew she was crying in her own way.

Charlie passed the microphone to Carlisle, and he cleared his throat a little before thanking everyone for the generous gift.

"I think you have it all wrong though, we should be the ones to thank you. You've done nothing but open your homes and welcome us into your lives. We've traveled a lot of places, and nothing can compare to what you've accomplished here. But there is one little thing that we've noticed you've been lacking." Carlisle smiled a little, and the crowd's murmurs increased as he looked over at Charlie for approval on what he was about to say. Charlie chuckled, nodding a yes.

"If we're going to stay here, I refuse to live in a community called 'the compound.' You folks need a name!" he said, laughing. "This is a proper settlement, and deserves a proper name. I've discussed this with Charlie, and we think it calls for a contest, complete with a prize for the person who comes up with the best name."

"What's the prize?" A male's voice called from the crowd, which was followed by, "How much time do we have?"

"Well, you know my family has a few _resources_ at our disposal. All I can say is that you won't be disappointed. And as for time? I think," he looked back to Sue and Charlie again, "a few weeks?"

Immediately, the minds in the audience started filling with potential names and I couldn't help but laugh at some of the choices. Most of them involved someone's name in some form or another. Not to mention the images of some of the prizes they were conjuring up. A few of them had to do with Tanya and her sisters.

"You knew about this didn't you, Alice?" She nodded, relishing the fact she had known something that I didn't. "Thanks, the visuals are … entertaining. A little heads up would have been nice."

"I could say the same to you," she said, holding her necklace and gently sliding the pendant back and forth along the silver chain.

"Alright, folks! Let's get the celebrations underway!" Charlie yelled, as the music started to play, and everyone hollered in agreement.

The evening was well under way. The music was loud and jovial, and the alcohol was flowing. I had finally gotten a moment to myself and stood off to the side of the dance floor in the shadows. I was happy to be here. It wasn't that I was trying to avoid everyone, but for the most part, people were paired off and it was always difficult to feel included. I had been so used to it in the past. I spent ninety years, experiencing it, but having tasted what it felt like to have a partner—even if for a brief moment—the pairings were that much harder to take now.

I heard her before I saw her, and I appreciated her attempt at including me, but I really wanted to be left alone.

"Edward? Will you dance with me?" Leah asked timidly from behind me. She was nervous as she looked around for Jacob or any of his friends. He was on the other side of the dance floor, arms crossed. He was watching our interaction intently.

I smiled but declined. "Thank you for the offer, Leah, but I'm not sure that will go down so well with your protector over there." I nodded my head in his direction. Knowing how Jacob felt about Leah, dancing with her was not exactly on the top of my list on how to make amends with him.

"Who, Jake? Please! Hopefully he'll think of it as healthy competition and get off his ass for a change." She rolled her eyes, and I realized that she felt as strongly toward him as he did her.

"I appreciate it, I do, but you of all people know Jacob and I aren't exactly on the best of terms. Dancing with you will definitely make that worse." She looked sad for a moment. Her head went down to her shoes, while she smoothed her dress. Alice and Rosalie had given her some clothes they had tucked away. Leah was in between their sizes, but with a few alterations, they found a dress that complimented her nicely. "You look really nice tonight, Leah." I could sense the doubt in her head, she hadn't worn a dress in years and she was feeling a little uncomfortable. "He cares about you," I said quietly. "And he'd be crazy not to notice you tonight. You don't need me to make that happen."

She raised her head, there was a slight twinkle in her eye and a little smirk played out on her lips. "But this would be _much_ more fun, don't you think? What the idiot needs is a swift kick in the ass!" I choked on my laughter, as she continued. "I've known him for a long time. He's a good man, he'll come around. He just doesn't handle change so well." I knew she was referring to me and him, and not her own situation.

"So I've been told." I rocked forward on the balls of my feet, my hands clamped behind my back. I stole a glance in Jacob's direction.

 _Rumor has it you want to talk to me._ I heard Jacob's thoughts across the dance floor. I could easily tell my proximity to Leah was causing him some distress. I was impressed he had managed to maintain some self-control. Although I was sure it had more to do with Leah and the brow-beating he would get from her if he had interfered. So instead of pushing my luck, I figured I would take advantage of his restraint and carry on the discussion I had been putting off.

"Speaking of which, I do need to speak to him in regards to a few things. Now seems like as good as time as any. Will you excuse me?" I said, asking her for her leave.

"Do you want me to alert the cavalry? Have them standing by?" she joked.

"I think we should be okay. Too many witnesses. Besides, this is hardly fighting music." I gave her a big grin and pointed up at the stage where a few men had now gathered. They were switching gears and playing some music with a bit of a classical twist.

"Thank you, Edward for…" She bobbed her head from side to side, embarrassed to finish the rest. I liked this side of Leah. It was nice to see, and I couldn't help but compare her traits to those of Rosalie. Both so hard on the outside, but inside they were just as insecure as the rest of us.

"Anytime." I touched her shoulder, as I moved to walk in Jacob's direction. "Thank you for the offer," I said over my shoulder, winking a quick goodbye.

I took a deep breath knowing I was about to make a 'deal with the devil.' I could feel many eyes on me and the direction I was heading. My family's thoughts rang clear in my head as they asked what I was doing and worried about my intentions. Perhaps now wasn't the best time to have this conversation with all eyes and ears on me. As I second guessed my decision, I was stopped by a seductive voice behind me.

"May I have this dance?"

I groaned as I turned to see Tanya standing with a devilish look on her face. I would have been a fool not to notice how beautiful she looked tonight. I couldn't exactly ignore it when half the men's minds in the compound reminded me every time Tanya moved, or talked or laughed. She truly was a succubus in every sense. I'd never had the opportunity to be around her with so many humans nearby. It was something to see, her with her sisters as they captivated everyone around them. Everyone except me.

"Oh, relax! I won't bite. I tease because you're easy to tease, Edward. You really need to lighten up. God forbid I'd be able to seduce you!" She laughed wickedly.

I started to turn away, I wasn't about to be patronized by her, but I felt her steel grip on my arm.

"Please," she whispered. "I didn't mean it." Her thoughts expressed her apology, and she pleaded, asking I take a few moments to dance with her.

I nodded reluctantly, while every fiber of my being screamed against it, but I still noticed the eyes watching us, and I didn't want to make a scene any more than I already had. She did me a favor and kept her thoughts to the happenings around us as we danced in silence. I kept a respectable distance between the two of us, but I couldn't help twirl her around the dance floor with ease. I was a good dancer and it just came natural despite the discomfort I felt with Tanya in my arms.

"You're very lucky, Edward," she said softly, as she looked around at the people dancing and laughing and enjoying each other's company. "I know you don't want to admit it, but you have everything here."

"That's where you're wrong."

"No, I'm not." I went to move away from her, but she gripped me tightly. _Don't. Hear me out, please._ She looked at me pleadingly as I tensed my jaw, my nostrils flaring in anger. "You have a community that accepts you—"

"Built on lies."

"Regardless, they still accept you. You have friends, which is more than you can say when she was alive."

"Don't. You have no right," I said in a low threatening voice. "You can't possibly comprehend—"

"You're right. I can't understand what _you're_ going through. I can only tell you what I went through." Her voice had turned gentle, the abrasiveness gone. "I know you've heard the lectures from just about everyone, and everyone telling you how they want you around, but they don't know what it's like. I'm not here to lecture or offer advice, just hear my story and make up your own mind." She raised her eyebrows, silently asking to continue. "Did you know I was in love once? Did Carlisle ever tell you? Of course not," she said more to herself, "he wouldn't. It was before your time, long before Carlisle's too. I was in love with a human. And he loved me." I registered what she was telling me, and I couldn't help the shock that crossed my face.

"He never told me," I said truthfully.

"Well, Carlisle's always been too much of a gentleman to share other people's miseries." She smiled sadly at me. "Things were much different back then, much more demure. It was somewhat easier to hide what we were. But I loved him as you loved her." She was telling me the truth. She let me in to that part of her that kept the pain hidden, locked away. It was a side of Tanya I had never known.

"What happened," I managed to choke out, sincerely interested even though I could guess where this story was going.

She took a deep breath and instead of telling me, she showed me, because her pain was too great to speak of it. I saw the fights between Irina, Kate and Tanya. Irina wanted to kill the human, and Kate wanted to turn him. They were still recovering from their mother's death, so times were strained between all of them, and it tore their family apart, until eventually Tanya knew she had to tell her lover the truth about what she really was. To him, it didn't matter and he made the decision to be with her for eternity. The night she had planned to turn him, she waited patiently for him to come. Day after day, she waited, until one day, news of his death had finally reached her. Her lover's body was found floating in the Moskva River.

"I've been there, Edward. I do know, and yet I'm still here," she said.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"I know you didn't, and I wanted to tell you myself, because I'm proof that life does go on. It took me many, _many_ years to get over him." I wondered about the circumstances of his death, and it must have shown on my face, because she responded right away. "I know what you're thinking, but I refuse to believe either of my sisters played a part in his death. It's been centuries, and whether they did or didn't doesn't change anything. I'm still here because of them. Their love got me through the darkest time in my existence.

"It gets better." She placed her hand over my heart. "You will heal. It is possible. You'll never forget. You'll carry it always." _It's the vampire way._ "But one day the sun will rise and you will feel a little less sorrow. And each day it becomes a little more bearable, Edward. Just remember that, please?" She leaned up and kissed me on the cheek. "You honor her every day by surviving. This community you built is for her, and they love you too. Your time on this earth is not finished." She placed a hand on my cheek and I leaned into it and closed my eyes. _You are not the lion._

My eyes snapped open at her last thought, but she was gone, vanished, and I was left standing in the middle of the dance floor alone. _You are not the lion._ I had forgotten Emmett and I had shared that story with their family all those years ago. Odd that it was only days ago I had been thinking about that lion again. Was I the lion? Had I enough of this world?

A hand was tenderly placed in my own, and the familiar smell of lavender and vanilla filled my senses. _Are you okay? Tanya giving you a hard time?_ Esme looked up at me and smiled.

I smiled back. "Quite the opposite, actually."

"I was hoping you would dance with me. It's been too long."

"Absolutely," I said, as I casually dipped her, causing her to squeal in delight. As I directed us around the dance floor, swaying to the beats, Esme laughed and it was musical in its own way. But I couldn't stop thinking about Tanya's story and her last words. For the first time in a long time, I was possibly realizing that maybe I wasn't really the lion.

.

IT WAS CLOSING IN on midnight, which was the time Charlie had planned the vigil for Bella. I wasn't keen on this in the slightest, and I was still imagining ways of avoiding the whole ordeal. I had made a promise to him though, so I kept trying to convince myself that I could do this.

I was flanked by Carlisle, who just stood silently beside me, like he was trying to protect me from it. He was letting me know he was here, and wasn't going anywhere, but his silence was actually making it worse. I needed a distraction.

"Nice stunt you pulled. The Tanya diversion," I said in a clipped voice.

"I have no idea what you are referring to." He smiled, his tone innocent.

"Mmhmm. You knew I was going to talk to Jacob."

"I merely suggested to Tanya that she ask you to dance. You know, take your mind off things." I turned to look at him, and he had a small grin on his face that was all knowing. "Did it work?"

"Funny."

"Tonight is not about brokering deals, Edward. You just needed a little nudge to be reminded. You'll be happy to know, Billy did the same with Jacob."

I had noticed Leah and Jacob on the dance floor while I was dancing with Tanya. "You two are worse than old women. I would've expected it from Esme, or Alice, but not you."

"What can I say? People change."

That they do, I thought to myself. Carlisle was proof of that. I appreciated what everyone had been trying to do. I did. For the past few weeks they had been offering their advice and wisdom about life and living. I knew they were trying to sway my decision, but none of it had hit home, at least not until this evening. It had been a little more bearable, I had to admit. I found myself laughing more today than I had in the last ten years. It was words from the person I least expected that had started to hit home. _You are not the lion._ Maybe she was right. Was I defeated? Emasculated as that lion who begged for its own death? That was the question that had been playing over and over in my head. Perhaps I once was, but as I stood here ready to say goodbye to the one person that had brought me peace in my life, I started to doubt everything. My motivations for the last ten years, my plans, the family, even my memories of Bella, it all felt so distant, like it never happened. Like it was wrong. Completely, unquestionably and irrevocably wrong.

"Are you ready for this?" Carlisle whispered.

"No," I said truthfully, my voice was panicked. I wasn't ready, I finished silently. I was sick and tired of people telling me what I should do or how I should feel. I wanted to be selfish for once. I wanted it all, what everyone else had, and if I couldn't have it all, I wanted nothing. _This_ … was not what I wanted.

As people gathered around with lanterns in their hands, I could feel my family and friends silently surround me, almost creating a blanket of thoughts based on sorrow and grief. I tried to take a few breaths to calm myself, wishing for Jasper's talent right at that moment. This wasn't what _I_ wanted, this was wrong. Couldn't they see that?

"Carlisle…" my voice cracked, "this isn't right."

Everyone moved a little closer to me, their pitied thoughts were almost bitter to me, making me furious. As Alice and Charlie slowly walked up on stage, the music changed to a song I quickly recognized, and instead of soothing me, it did quite the opposite.

"Whose idea was this?" I snapped, as notes from a piano started playing across the speakers. Hands were gently placed on my shoulders, and I shrugged them off angrily, striding toward the stage. In one quick movement, I jumped up on stage grabbing Alice by the forearms giving her a shake as I demanded to know if it was her idea to play the lullaby.

"Edward! Son, put her down!" Charlie yelled at me as he tried to stop me.

It all happened so fast, that no one even knew what was happening. Alice's eyes were frantic, as she searched mine, apologizing in her head for taking the CD, thinking it would offer some comfort. I was seething at her betrayal, and wanted to inflict pain on her as she had done to me. I tightened my grip on her arms, while she cried out but did nothing to stop me. I was inside her head now, listening to her confession as she laid it all out for me. What she had done was inexcusable, and I would never forgive her. Not for this. Our connection was strong, so when the vision hit, it came with such force, we were both knocked to our knees, cringing at the pain.

I could hear everyone's gasps around us as they watched us writhing in pain while the vision continued to assault us. It had been so long since we had felt the intensity of one of her visions. It felt so foreign. There was a myriad of images, all flashing fast, just as they had right before the bombs hit. But one image stood out to the both of us … someone running.

_Jasper._

The vision stopped just as suddenly as it came. I jumped to my feet, lifting Alice in my arms. The crowd had gathered around us, with concerned faces pressing closer. I couldn't see past them, and their thoughts penetrated my own, making it difficult to concentrate.

"Carlisle!" I yelled out to him, not wishing to waste another moment. "We need to go!"


	20. To Understand All is to Forgive All

**CHAPTER 19**

****-:-** To Understand All is to Forgive All **-:-****

* * *

**2006 **-:-** Past Memories**

" _Edward!" a voice gasped_ _from behind us._

_The sound of the voice startled me, causing me to drop the body at my feet. I wiped my mouth on my sleeve as I slowly turned around. My eyes zeroed in on a horrified Carlisle standing in the doorway to the bunker._

" _What have you done?"_

The only sounds in the room were from the crying girl, begging for her life, and the man screaming in pain as the venom spread throughout his blood. The rest of us were too dazed to move. Carlisle was standing in the doorway of the bunker. For the others, they hadn't seen him in over two months, so their shock was evident, but I had seen him almost two weeks ago. Of course he looked the same; nothing had changed, except for the look in his eyes. The revulsion in them caused me to look away, ashamed by his gaze.

I could still feel Jasper's thirst from behind me. We all could. It was overpowering the other emotions in the room. He was struggling with his hunger. He needed the blood.

"Edward," Esme's voice rang clear through the room, over the top of the cries from the humans. "Pick him up!" She motioned to the man at my feet. I hesitated, confused by what she was asking. "Pick him up." She pointed to the man again. But it was like I was frozen. I couldn't move, my mind was locked in a silent battle with Carlisle.

 _Edward…don't. This is not who we are_ , Carlisle said silently in earnest.

Esme watched the expression on my face, which must have been showing my internal struggle. She slowly turned her head to look at Carlisle, narrowing her eyes in anger, like she knew exactly what he was saying to me. Gone were the pretensions, and she moved with lightening speed toward me and picked up the man, thrusting him toward Jasper.

Jasper could no longer contain his hunger or his shame and drank greedily from the man until his cries were silenced.

Carlisle did not protest, he stood as still as a statue. Esme's rage had finally manifested. She was hurt and angry and she wanted Carlisle to know that _her_ family was her priority. She would do whatever necessary to heal Jasper.

"If he needs more," she wiped the blood on her thighs, "give him this one." She pointed to the woman who was now quiet, but shaking on the floor.

"Esme," Carlisle said softly.

She whipped her head around, and silenced him with a stare. Esme grabbed my shoulder, squeezing it as hard as she could. "This had to be done." _We owe him nothing. No explanations._

"Edward …" he said hesitating.

"Don't you dare speak to him!" Esme yelled. "If you no longer want me, I can live with that. But what you did to Edward is unforgiveable. What you did to this family, _my_ family, cannot be undone. It's inexcusable. Get out!" she screamed, taking a few deep breaths. "We'll find our own way." Her voice cracked on the last word. She was trying so hard to be strong and protective, but it pained her greatly to say those words. She turned, and walked through the door to the back of the bunker where Rosalie had gone only moments ago.

Carlisle went to follow her, but Emmett's hand shot out, stopping him in his tracks. "I don't think so, Carlisle. You gave up that right when you turned your back on us weeks ago."

Rosalie came rushing into the room to see if it really was Carlisle. She had needed to see him with her own eyes, and the relief was apparent in her expression. "You're finally here. I knew you wouldn't leave us," she said vehemently, hugging him.

Emmett peeled Rosalie off of Carlisle. "He's not back, Rose. He's leaving."

"No, he isn't," she said with a firm voice, looking from me to Emmett back to Carlisle. "He's family. We'll work it out, but he's staying. Aren't you?" she asked Carlisle.

"It's not up to us. It's up to Esme, and she wants him to leave," Emmett explained.

"Well, she's wrong. She's hurt, but she'll come around. She doesn't mean it right now," she said, again her gaze moved from me to Emmett to Carlisle.

"If she doesn't want him here, I don't either." Emmett turned to Carlisle. "It's one thing, you leaving us, leaving Esme. But I know what you said to Edward, and as far as I'm concerned, I wouldn't forgive you for something like that. As for the wrong you've done Esme, well that's up to her. If it were up to me, I'd knock you on your ass … repeatedly … and walk away. But I'm not as loving and forgiving as those two." He motioned his head toward me, and then back at the door behind him. "So I'll leave the decision with them, as will the rest of us."

"Emmett!" Rosalie exclaimed.

"No, Rose. I'm right on this one, and this time you will listen to _me_ ," he said through a clenched jaw, and pointed to his chest as he emphasized the word 'me.' He grabbed her by the arm and led her through the door, seeking out Esme. Rosalie gave me one last look. Her expression was shaken by what had just transpired, but she begged one final thought to me.

_Edward, please._

Alice gently touched my shoulder. It startled me, causing me to jump. I was enraptured with the tension in the room, I had forgotten Alice and Jasper were still behind me.

 _I'm here,_ Alice said silently. _Whatever you need_ _…_ _I'm here. Thank you for what you've done for me and Jasper. Whatever you need._ She wouldn't look at Carlisle. Her loyalty was to me, and I believed that she would do anything for me, even if it meant removing Carlisle.

I looked to the girl on the floor, who had now moved to the corner of the couch trying to hide behind it. Alice nodded, knowing exactly what needed to be done. The body of the man needed to be burned, and we had to make a decision on what was going to happen to the young girl. I was incapable of making any more decisions, Alice knew this, and I was grateful for her intuitiveness.

Emmett came back into the room, his arms folded and his expression meant business. _Esme wants to make sure that Jasper gets what he needs._ "Alice, how's Jasper? Did it help?"

"I don't know. He seems a bit better, but he still looks … starved," she trailed off, nervously looking between me and Carlisle. Jasper was still curled up in a ball on the bed. His eyes were not as black as they had been. I knew what the little amount of human blood I had ingested felt like coursing through my veins. I was more invigorated than I had been in long, long while. It was causing a warmth deep inside my entire body, and I could tell Jasper was feeling it as well. His emotions were running havoc on his body. With the strength from the blood, came the strength of his powers. We had to get him out of here as soon as we could or the torment would be too much.

I figured the best way to diffuse the situation was to take Carlisle out of the equation. It would make it easier on everyone if I just took him away from the bunker, even if it was just to say goodbye.

"Jasper's going to need more," I said as quietly as possible. "But he's also going to need to be moved as soon as possible. You can feel it, right?" I asked Alice and Emmett. They understood what I had meant. The emotions Jasper was projecting were definitely amplified.

I walked to Carlisle with my head down, afraid to look him in the eye. "I think it's best for everyone, if you follow me." He simply nodded and followed me, not raising another question or protest, even though he knew full well what Alice and Emmett were planning. He accepted it was no longer his place to object, which distressed me even more.

We walked in silence up to the surface, crawling through the rafters, where we stood side by side. For the first time in almost a century, he couldn't find the words to speak. So I said the first thing that came to mind.

"Why now? Why come back at all?"

"I saw you at the hospital."

"You were there? Have you been there this whole time?"

"Yes. And no." He took a deep breath, trying to decide how to begin. "I did leave. That day we … quarreled."

I couldn't help but scoff. 'Quarreled.' Not quite the word I would have used. "So why come back then?" I said bitterly.

"I heard what had happened at the hospital."

"So, you had no intention of coming back? If that hadn't happened, you wouldn't have come back."

"No," he answered truthfully. "I wouldn't have."

His words hit me hard, as if someone had punched me in the stomach. I raised my hands in the air in a gesture of disbelief. I couldn't do anything but shake my head in outrage.

"Then leave! Go! No one's stopping you, Carlisle. I'm through trying to convince you." I turned to head back down the rafter, to the door.

"I followed you," he blurted out.

"You _followed_ me?" I said. "Why! Why even bother?"

"You were talking to the nurse. I saw the look on your face, Edward. I can't explain it. I couldn't hear the conversation, but I saw something in your eyes. It was as if they broke. I knew that look. I'd seen it too many times not to recognize it. So, I followed you from the shadows."

"Whatever, Carlisle. It's not enough you came back." My back was still turned to him, but I hadn't moved any further down the rafter. I heard Esme on the stairwell below. She was listening. Her protectiveness over me kept her hidden below, willing to step in if necessary. She wouldn't let him hurt me again. From what I could tell, Carlisle did not know she was there.

"I saw your wall," he said.

I closed my eyes, letting out a staggered breath, but my body stayed still.

"I watched you at the wall. I understand. I do. I understand more than you realize." He had moved from his perch on the rafter above, placing his hand on my head. "Sorry is not even near enough for me to express my sorrow, Edward." He sighed, trying to decide how to continue. "It was her name that brought me back." He let the words hang in the air for a moment.

"She was right. You are not a monster, Edward. You have a soul, and Bella knew yours was good, and kind, and beautiful, just as I always knew. I'm the monster. What I did to you and the others, to Esme. If I had lost her…" He choked on his words, bending down with his head in his hands. "What have I done?" he asked, looking up to the sky, like he was questioning a higher being.

"You were so right. I didn't lose Esme , my soul. She's alive and I am so very, very lucky. She's my home, my everything. _She's_ my humanity. Just as each and every one of you are. I'll spend a lifetime trying to make up for what I've done. But I won't leave. I won't ever leave her again, or any of you. I don't know who I am without all of you. You're my _family."_

I still hadn't turned around to face him. Forgiveness wasn't that simple. His words at the hospital continued to play through my head. 'I'm not your father.' As deep as those words had hurt, he was the only father I knew. I didn't remember my human father, they were fleeting human memories. The past ninety years were prevalent; they were the ones that I remembered. His appraisal still mattered the most to me.

"Are you angry with what I did?" I asked.

"No. How could I be?" He touched my shoulder, causing me to finally turn around to face him.

I wanted his approval, his love. I needed it, I realized. I jumped down from the rafter, looking at him, and silently asking him to follow me. I wanted him to see what I did when I looked at the wall. I believed him when he said he wasn't angry, but it wasn't enough to hear the words. I needed him to feel it too.

He knew where I was taking him. We walked in silence at first, until eventually he had gathered enough courage to speak.

"I saw you take the humans. I didn't understand what could have possibly caused you to do that, to change like that. I thought it was because of the other young girl, but it didn't seem right. So I took a closer look." We were in front of the wall now. "It's pretty impressive."

I nodded, without looking at him or it. "I walked by here everyday on my way to see you."

"I have never been a God fearing man, but I always believed in God without a shadow of a doubt. But then this happened. All because of me. I couldn't decide if he didn't exist, or if this was my punishment for taking what wasn't mine to take. You, Esme, Rosalie … Emmett, I stole you from Him. This is how I thought he was punishing me. The blood was on my hands for playing God. It was too much to take. It was easier to believe he didn't exist. Because the God I believed in would never have been this cruel.

"You are so good and pure, Edward, but he took something so precious from you, and I couldn't understand why."

"I'm not though," I disagreed with him. "I was arrogant. I was never supposed to love her."

"Maybe. Maybe not. But it doesn't matter, because you did. And she loved you. It existed, it was _alive._ That is what this," he motioned to the wall, "showed me. I thought there was no purpose to our lives. I was wrong. I lost my meaning for existing. I exist for all of you, not for God." He traced the words _Know God._ "There are profound consequences that are wrapped within our actions, but they are not a punishment from God. Virtue has its rewards, and my reward was each and every one of you. _That_ is a matter of faith for me." He finished tracing _Know Peace_ before he dropped his hand.

"If you want to be with Bella again, you will be, because you're a virtuous man, Edward. God, will grace you with this."

I wanted to believe his words more than anything. I missed his wisdom. I missed his compassion and his strength, but my pride was wounded, and it was hard to listen and accept what he was saying.

I heard Esme around the corner. Her heart was breaking as she listened to our conversation. I knew she had followed us, and I was glad she had. She needed to hear the honesty in our conversation. Carlisle loved her deeply, there was no denying that, but it would be up to her to say if it was enough.

"I have to go," I said. "Emmett and Alice need my help with Jasper."

He looked at me curiously, wondering how I knew this.

"Esme," I said, nodding my head in the direction behind him. She had stepped away from the side of the building revealing herself. She had been downwind of us, so he hadn't noticed she was there.

"Of course." He bowed his head. "Where does this leave us?"

"I don't know, to be honest. You weren't here. I needed you, and you weren't here." I looked at my feet, shoving my hands in my pockets.

His mind was quiet, sad. He didn't want to push me, and he was willing to take anything that I would give him. The hardest part was accepting that Carlisle was just like any other man. All my life, I held him with such reverence, and I realized it hadn't been fair. I idolized the man, almost as a saint when he was far from it. He was just a man who was capable of making mistakes like any other. I wasn't sure if I was ready to forgive him though. Forgiveness was such a controlling emotion. It held so much power over someone. Forgiveness was divine, something I wasn't prepared for.

From where I was standing, I could see my wall from my peripheral. My eye caught one word in particular that was written almost parallel to where we were standing. I turned to look at the whole sentence, and couldn't help but chuckle while I shook my head in disbelief.

_Without forgiveness, there's no future._

Whether it was divine intervention or just coincidence, I couldn't ignore it. Forgiveness was the key for any of us, especially for myself. Once again, my wall provided me with the path it wanted me to follow. When the road had gotten so dark and I didn't know what direction to take, there was something guiding me, letting me know I wasn't alone. Carlisle had lost his way. His sadness had taken hold of him, and he had forgotten all that was good and meaningful in his life. He had fallen, and he stood before me so humbled.

I needed to look in his eyes, but I was afraid of what I would see. If the man I called my father was gone, I didn't know if I my spirit could handle much more. I could say I would forgive him, but if he was no longer the man I knew and loved, there wasn't much point. I took a deep breath, letting it all out before I raised my head to look in his eyes. I smiled. He was there, hidden away behind a mask of emotion, but he was there. It was a start.

"I have to go," I said again, turning back to Esme. "We're moving Jasper to the cache where the vehicles are."

"Will she talk to me?" he asked.

"You'd have to ask her. Emmett was right. This is her decision," I said reluctantly. I would follow Esme's decision, whatever she chose to do. Carlisle inflicted a wound that was still pretty raw. I would work on the forgiveness, but it was still going to take time.

Esme had heard our interaction, and started to walk toward us.

"Esme, will you speak with me?" Carlisle asked politely, almost as if he were courting her again.

She bit her lip, trying to decide. She was wavering in her decision, but with one final look at me she said, "Jasper needs to be moved. We can't wait any longer."

"Please," he said softly.

"We have to move him," she said again. "It's a difficult trek. We don't have the time to spare."

He looked at me and then back at Esme. "I'll get you there."

"I'm not leaving her behind, Carlisle," I started to protest.

"I promise you both," he said with such determination. "Whether you still want me or not, Esme, I _will_ get you to the cache by the time they're ready to leave."

I debated the idea in my head, waiting for Esme to make the decision.

"Please." He said it so quietly, desperate, yet timid, but his mind was quite the contrast. He was anxiously clinging to his very last heartstring. If she denied him his chance, he would surely crumble. I wasn't sure I could stand idly by and let her turn her back on him. He was a mess, but I knew she could see that.

Esme pulled me into a fierce hug. _Go. Get them to the cache. I'll be right behind you._

I pulled away from her, making sure this is what she wanted and that she wasn't being forced into it. She nodded her head, telling me she was all right.

"I'm holding you to this," I said to Carlisle, pointing at him.

 _I won't let you down. Not this time,_ he assured me.

I said one last farewell to my wall, pressing my fingers to my lips and briefly touched Bella's name. This was the last time I would see it. I took a mental picture of it, knowing it would stay with me always, even the vulgar graffiti, for it, too, was a part of me now.

.

EMMETT WAS NOT IMPRESSED I had chosen to leave Esme with Carlisle, even though I argued it was her decision, not mine. He was furious and sulking as we packed up all of the belongings we would be able to take now that we were down one more person.

"So … what? Are you two just going to forgive him?" he asked, his voice a little indignant.

"Emmett, it's more complicated than that. He deserves our forgiveness. But to answer your question, no, I haven't forgiven him, yet. He's a part of this family, and that will never change. He made us who we are, body and spirit."

"Whatever, man." He waved his hand, shaking his head at me. "I just can't believe you'd be so easy on him."

"I'm not, but he's had his own hardships. You know Carlisle takes the weight of the world on his shoulders. He doesn't deserve that." I ended the conversation. Emmett was not in the right frame of mind to have this discussion, and Jasper's emotions did nothing to help either of us.

The journey to the cache took a lot longer than what we had anticipated. The city was on fire again. It seemed the looters were back and creating more chaos everywhere. Thankfully, dusk was coming and we could avoid the humans a lot easier in the shadows of the night. Rosalie had made something similar to a travois for each of us. Alice carried Jasper in hers; it was just easier to not have to touch him. The rest of us were loaded down with absolutely everything that would be useful. The cache had its own supplies, but we wanted to be sure, and there was no point in wasting anything.

Hours later, we eventually saw the hidden entrance. There was no sign of Carlisle or Esme. I had my faith in Carlisle, it wasn't fully restored, but he would bring her here. In my heart, I knew Esme would want Carlisle with us. Not because she had forgiven him, but because she would never make any of us choose between them. We would stand by her and any decision she made, but she would never let her pride deny us Carlisle's love. It wasn't who she was.

Emmett offered his Jeep to Alice and Jasper. He said it would be much more comfortable than any of the other vehicles. He placed Jasper gently inside, while we continued to rush around packing the equipment and the supplies in the rest of the vehicles.

We took the bare minimum of what we needed storing the rest in the cache. We had other places all over the country to stock up. The idea of traveling along the highways with all these supplies was daunting. We had no idea what to expect, or if we would even be able to drive on the roads. If Chicago was any indication, it wasn't going to be easy. The roads would be impassable, and that meant the fuel truck was going to be an issue. We would definitely be a large target for any marauders like the ones that attacked the hospital. We could fight them off, but at what cost? Death was inevitable in this new world, but hopefully we would not have to be a part of it again.

Jasper was better. We could all feel it. Just being this far out of the city had helped, and with the fresh blood flowing through his veins he could actually sit up for the first time in a long time. He was lucid and was talking to me. He wanted to make sure I had everything he needed. Computers, circuit boards, radios were all amongst his list, but most importantly he wanted his books.

We had finished loading the vehicles, just as I heard Esme and Carlisle in my head. Relief washed over each of us as I relayed the news to the others. Rosalie was a bit smug, while Emmett still showed his irritation about the idea of Carlisle coming with us. Emmett was loyal to a fault, and he felt Carlisle betrayed us. He would not easily accept him back into our lives, and he was annoyed that Rosalie had.

Esme rushed forward hugging each of us letting us know how worried she had been. I noticed the distance Carlisle and Esme kept, but her thoughts were full of hope now that we were all together. I would never know what they discussed, it was theirs to keep. I respected their privacy by not asking, and not looking for it in their thoughts. She was just as resolved to forgive Carlisle as I was, because it was the right thing to do. We had all done things we weren't proud of. But like me, it was going to take time. She knew the six of us didn't work without him. She would swallow her pride and try and rebuild what they had. Neither one of them would ever take for granted what they had. They only had to look at me, to shame them into the realization that love was precious and so very fragile.

"We're all packed. We were just waiting for you," I said, as I put my arm around Esme. I was unable to meet Carlisle's eyes again.

"Is he coming?" Emmett pointed to Carlisle, a hint of distaste in his voice.

Esme only nodded her head in response. No one said anything else. No exclamations of joy or relief, we just accepted that it was right without drawing attention to Esme's decision. The silence was a little awkward, so Alice felt the need to fill the void.

"So, where are we going? Alaska?" she asked.

"No!" Emmett and Jasper said in unison as the rest of the family looked on with curious expressions. I started to protest, but Emmett cut me off.

"Edward, we're going to Phoenix. Like I promised," Emmett said resolutely.

"I agree," Carlisle said.

"Yeah? Well, no one asked you," Emmett said, walking past him as he closed the door to the cache, sealing it tight.

"Emmett," Rosalie said softly, reaching out to him, but he shrugged her off.

"We've managed just fine without you for weeks. You have any other advice?" He looked at Carlisle. "Rules?"

"Yes," he said squaring his shoulders to meet Emmett head on.

A small part of me was elated to see Carlisle standing up for himself, standing up to Emmett. I knew this was a test of sorts to Emmett. He would push Carlisle to see if he was still up to the task of being a leader. A leader who deserved following again.

"From now on, we have one rule," Carlisle said, his voice commanding respect. "We never separate."

Emmett returned Carlisle's glare, and we all held our breaths waiting for his response. His mouth cracked into a smirk. "I can live with that, but you're not riding with me." He brushed past Carlisle's shoulder, heading for the fuel truck.

Carlisle looked over at Esme. He was hoping they would ride together. His hopes were dashed as she turned and walked toward the Humvee I had claimed as my own.

 _I'll be riding with you,_ she said in her thoughts.

Rosalie tugged on Carlisle's arm. "You'll ride with me," she said moving them toward the other Humvee.

I looked back to see the hurt in Carlisle's eyes at Esme's rejection. He had a long road ahead of him, we all did. It had been over two months since the bombs dropped. I don't think any of us could even speculate as to what we would be facing, but we were leaving behind a dark and agonizing part of our history. Our family had been tested. We were broken, but we were together. We had no idea what the future held for us, but all we could do was face it day by day.

The world had changed, and we had changed with it. Each one of us was on our own journey, yet we were connected. Carlisle and Esme were on a tentative path to forgiveness. Rosalie and Emmett's path led to acceptance, while Jasper and Alice were on a path of recovering. We were all intertwined. We all had much to forgive, to accept and to heal. As for me, I was the only one on a journey to redemption. I would be with Bella again, but first I needed to be worthy of her. I would see my family, safe and whole, and happy. My love for them would be their salvation, just as Bella's love was my salvation. I would do everything for her … to be with her again.

**2016 **-:-** Present Day**

Ten years and my family was healed and happy more than I thought was possible. That part of my journey was complete. It was time to start thinking about what was next. Until we heard from Jasper, it was just a waiting game.

Rosalie and I had just arrived back to the house from our patrol. For the past seventy-two hours, everyone had been patrolling as far as we could, hoping to come across Jasper's trail. We had nothing else to go by. Alice hadn't had another vision since the night of the festival. Carlisle was certain she was emotionally charged, and this was the reason for the breakthrough. No matter what we tried, we couldn't emulate what we both had been feeling in that instance. I hadn't spoken to anyone about my reaction at the memorial. Our first concern was Jasper, and I think my family was giving me the space I needed, so they left me alone.

My absurd reaction at the memorial had many people speculating that I wasn't balanced, and with Alice's convulsions, they thought I had seriously harmed her. Alice was so beloved, people were ready to lynch me. Charlie and Sam had to calm the mob, while the rest of us tried to make our exit. Realizing Alice had a vision, the wolves had been surprisingly helpful, including Jacob. They cleared a path for us as Carlisle carried Alice to one of the vehicles. My legs were still a little weak, so Emmett let me bear most of my weight on him.

Alice and I were separated between the two vehicles, I wasn't sure if it was on purpose or not. I was seething from what she had done. The vision suppressed my anger for the moment, but it was still there. I traveled with Emmett and Rosalie, while Alice was with Esme and Carlisle. I sat in the back seat, my hands clenched in my hair, as Rosalie demanded answers I couldn't give.

"I don't know, Rosalie!" I yelled for the last time. I was exasperated. She kept asking the same questions over and over. 'What did I see?' 'Why did I freak out?' 'What's happening?'

"Rose, let him be," Emmett finally said. "Let's wait until we're back at the house."

I could hear the same questions being asked in the other vehicle by Esme, and Alice was answering much like I was. Neither one of us wanted to admit what we thought we had seen. We needed to be absolutely sure what we saw was real. Everything happened so fast when the vision hit, we didn't even have time to consult with one another. I had called out for Carlisle, not even realizing he was already at our sides. As soon as we hit the floor, he immediately recognized the signs of one of her visions. He grabbed Alice from my arms, and moved toward Charlie, briefly explaining what happened, and asked for his help to get us all out of there.

I never imagined her visions would come back with the kind of impact this one had. It had been painful for me, so I could only imagine how it was for her. I was so used to the 'wall' that had been built up in her mind, always so cloudy, and dark. The vision hit with such force, it was like being locked away in a windowless room for years, and then someone opening the door to the bright, intense sunlight outside. It burned, from the inside out. Combine that pain with the image of seeing Jasper running with terror rippling across his face, and it was enough to bring the both of us to our knees.

We discussed the repercussions of the vision for hours, well into the early morning. Until eventually, Tanya and her family had made it home, and then we had to start the discussion all over again. They had stayed behind at the compound to help clean up, and to try and diffuse the situation, dispel any rumors that had already started to spread throughout the compound. The day had been such a huge success, and between Tanya's family, Charlie's family and the wolves, they did their best to try and change the focus and remind people of this fact. Ultimately, as the night wore on, people's conversations had moved on from the earlier spectacle. The celebrations continued well after our departure. It was agreed by all that I should probably refrain from future visits to the compound, at least for a few more weeks until the accusations died down. This was possibly the best news Carlisle had shared with me. I was more than happy to not have to go back. Three days later, and my actions were still being discussed at the compound, under the guise of concern for Alice.

Rosalie and I were the first ones back to the house from the morning patrol. Esme had stayed behind with Alice. Someone always had to be close by her, in the event she had another vision. I walked toward the living room, noticing Esme standing at the window. Her arms were wrapped tightly around her torso, and the look on her face was heartbreaking. It had been years since I'd seen this expression. It was filled with such sorrow and turmoil. Her thoughts were centered around me and where she had gone wrong in the last ten years. She blamed herself for how distant I had become with the family. She didn't know I was standing in the doorway, so her thoughts were surprisingly unfiltered. My reaction at the memorial was playing over in her head.

I had refused to talk to anyone about that night. Three days had gone by, and I had spent most of my time running. I used the excuse of trying to find Jasper's trail, but even I knew I was running from something else. I suppose that's why I reserved my patrol time with either Rosalie or Emmett. Neither of them brought up anything I didn't bring up first. It was easy with them, not like the rest of my family.

Watching Esme's expression in the reflection of the window caused a twinge of remorse. She only wanted to help. Her intentions were based on love, and I didn't feel I could deny her anymore. I cleared my throat, letting her know I was there.

She turned slowly, the sadness in her eyes apparent. We stood across from each other, the span of the room separating us far more than she cared for. I moved toward her, and immediately her arms opened for me. She embraced me, only as a mother could. _Edward, I'm so sorry._ She held me for a few minutes, and I took in every second of it. No one had touched me like this in a long time. I had never let them. But the last few weeks, or even years, had kind of caught up to me. I needed this. I needed the feel of this touch.

She broke our embrace, and led me over to the couch. "I need your forgiveness," she choked out. She was unable to look at me and stared at our intertwined hands instead. I started to protest, but she cut me off. "Please don't say, 'there is nothing to forgive,' Edward. I couldn't bear it. There is everything to forgive. I have been pushing you and pushing you, and I knew you weren't ready. I knew you would never be ready. But the alternative," she finally raised her head to look at me, "I just didn't want to accept it. My eyes were finally opened at the festival. I've been so selfish. What you did for me, for all of us. You've sacrificed so much, for us. For her.

"Please don't be mad, but Carlisle shared the talk you had with him and the reasons for wanting to leave us." Her face crumbled, as she raised a hand to my cheek. "You are so _very_ special, Edward. Wherever she is, she's watching and she's waiting. You deserve her. You deserve that kind of love. I only knew her for a very short time, but I believe she's still yours no matter where she is."

I leaned into her hand, while I moved a piece of her hair behind her ear, resting my hand on her neck. "Esme …"

"I need you to forgive me." She started to sob. "I've been so unfair to you. You're my son, and I don't want to let you go, but I understand now."

"Shh …shhh, Esme. It's okay."

"I'll support you in whatever you decide. I'll help you be with her again. If this will bring you peace. I want you to find her, because if you're in this kind of pain, she is too. And she's alone. The only one of us who's alone! Bella will always be my daughter because of you, and she needs you."

I pulled her to me, and she cried as only a vampire could for Bella. After ten years of holding in her grief, she finally let it out. We had been living such an empty life for the past decade. It took this place of memories and love to let us see that we hadn't really been living at all. We could finally be ourselves in this house and let down the armor we had all built up over the years.

There was a small, timid knock on the door frame.

"Am I interrupting?" Alice and her sad little pout were standing in the hallway. She was hesitant to approach us, but she was hoping she could join us in our conversation. We hadn't spoken about what she did with the Lullaby. After everything that went down between then and now, I had nothing to say. I wanted nothing to do with her.

Esme started to rise. "I'll leave you two."

"No," Alice and I said together.

"I'd rather you stayed, please," I finished. "Alice and I have nothing to discuss."

"Edward," Esme said sadly.

"I'm tired of everyone thinking they know what's best for me, and she went too far this time."

"Her intentions were good," Esme tried to reason with me.

"I don't care if they were. She had _no right_ to do what she did. That was _mine_." My anger had started to rise. "How could you _possibly_ think it was okay?" I glared at Alice, my disgust radiating off of me.

She swiftly walked toward Esme and I, kneeling in front of us. "Edward, it was wrong of me. But please know that I never meant to hurt you," she pleaded reaching for my hand.

I backed away from her touch. "You did though, Alice."

"I know." She placed her hands in her lap, saddened by my rebuff. "I was just tired of what everyone was saying," she said quietly.

"What do you mean?" I said, giving her the benefit of the doubt.

"I wanted everyone to see what she meant to you. I didn't know I was going to play it." I couldn't help but scoff, Alice always had everything planned.

"I didn't." She shook her head. "I brought it with us, knowing it was going to be a difficult night for you. I was going to give it to you if you needed it, you know, for some comfort. Maybe you'd need to hear it, but in private."

"That doesn't explain why you chose to broadcast it," I said dryly, not giving in so easily.

"I know! I shouldn't have. It's just … when they gave me that necklace, it meant so much to me that they'd acknowledged what I have with Jasper. I've heard the whispers, Edward." She reached for my hand again, not giving in to my flinching and grasped it tightly. "I wanted them to see what you and Bella had was more than just some high school crush. They don't _know_. Playing that Lullaby would prove that. Show the depths of your love for her. I wanted them to _know!_ " She placed her head in my lap and let out a deep sigh. "It was wrong."

I sighed along with her. "Alice," I said rubbing my hand over her hair, "I don't care what the people of Forks and La Push think of me. I don't care if they think I'm pathetic for some 'high school crush' from long ago. I've heard what they think. They think it every time I'm with Charlie. But I've never cared."

"I know. But Jessica Stanley and Mike Newton made me so angry that night! You don't know what they were saying. I wanted to shove it down their throats," she growled and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Believe me, I've heard them." I lifted her chin up to look at me. "I don't need you to be my rally girl. Okay? Sometimes, you don't know what's best even if your intentions are from the heart."

"Well, if I had my visions, I would have _seen_ that!"

"Yes, and you probably would have done something else just as meddling." I laughed at her, while she did her standard little pout. "The thing is, only one person truly understood the depths of what Bella and I had, and she's been gone for ten years. Even I didn't see it, or I never would have left," I said, my heart breaking even a little more. "I don't want that song to be associated with death. Can you understand that?"

She launched herself into my arms. _I'm so sorry_. "I wanted to believe she would have heard it too. That's all I wanted. Forgive me, you have to."

"Oh, God, what is with all this forgiveness? First, Esme, now you, Alice? Edward is not the Pope," Rosalie scoffed, rolling her eyes as she walked in the room and sat down across from us.

"Rosalie!" Esme gasped.

"He's not a saint!"

"Ro—" Alice started.

"It's okay, she's right. Thanks, Rosalie, as honest as ever, I see," I said.

"What?" She raised her hands, shrugging her shoulders. "Edward, _you_ agreed to go through with the memorial. If you weren't ready, you shouldn't have said yes."

"It's what Charlie wanted," I said.

"Well, stop doing things for people just because they want you to. It's simple." She flicked her hand out, examining her nails.

"It's not simple, Rosalie."

"Yes. It. Is. Do you think I do anything I don't want to do?" She leaned forward resting her hands on her knees. "The question is, what do _you_ want, Edward? What do _you_ want to do?"

That was the ultimate question. I leaned back, placing Alice beside me on the couch. Looking up to the ceiling, I thought back to how I was feeling right before the memorial started. The panic I felt. It was wrong, all of it.

"I don't want to go through with it. I don't want to say goodbye," I said quietly, looking at my hands.

"Why," Rosalie said, more of a statement than a question.

I searched every thought, every feeling I had that night. In that brief moment before the Lullaby started to play, the only thing I kept feeling was that it was wrong to say goodbye.

"If I say goodbye, I'll lose that part of her I carry with me." I leaned forward just slightly closer to Rosalie. "She's here," I placed a hand over my heart, "and if I let her go, I don't think I'll be able to go on."

I sat in silence, with the women in my life. Each one of them was so different, but together, they created such a balance. Esme and her motherly love, always ready with her kind words. Alice with her fierce need to protect me and thinking she knew what was best, as only a sister could. Then there was Rosalie, who never felt the need to mollycoddle, and continually brought me back to face my own realities. These three women loved me unconditionally, there was never any doubt. Sitting here with them and their combined personalities, it was impossible not to want to share all my fears, all of my hopes.

"It's not fair," I whispered, my breath catching on the words. The three of them held their breaths, waiting for me to continue. "I wanted it all. If I can't have it all, I want nothing." I looked down at my hands, and immediately all three of them, placed their hands in my own.

"Oh, Edward." Esme said, leaning her head on my shoulder.

"What do you _want,_ Edward," Rosalie said again. "Tell us." She was prompting me to finally say it out loud to the three of them, but I wasn't sure if it was still what I wanted. I wanted to be selfish _._ I wanted to live a life with love. It was _not '_ better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all.' What had I done to deserve this, to be punished like this? Why couldn't I have what they had? I was the only one denied it. It wasn't fair. For the last ten years I've believed I knew exactly what I was doing. But now, I wasn't sure. If I ended my life, what if she wasn't there? What if it wasn't enough? I would be destined to live in purgatory alone without even my family. I didn't think I deserved that, at least I hoped I didn't.

"I don't know anymore. I thought I did. I thought I wanted to die, but I'm afraid," I confessed to them. I never would have admitted this to Emmett, or Carlisle, only to them. "For the past ten years, I've had a purpose. I've been trying to redeem myself, thinking that Bella will be waiting for me, but now I'm not so sure. What if it wasn't enough? I'm not afraid of dying, but I'm afraid of losing her all over again."

"Why would you think that?" Alice asked.

"I really don't know," I said, tearing my hands away from theirs, so I could run them through my hair, trying to calm my nerves. "It was just a combination of things the night of the festival. I didn't want to say goodbye, and it was like this over-whelming pressure came over me, telling me it was wrong, that if I did, I would lose her forever. I didn't want to let her go. If I plan on ending my life, I want to end it with this feeling I have been holding on to. For the first time in a long time, I questioned ending my existence." I could see the excitement in their thoughts, but none of them voiced them. " _If,_ and I mean _if,_ I decide to …" I struggled for the right words, "… 'stick around' a little longer, I want to keep this with me." I placed my hand to my heart again.

"Okay, then. No more memorials for you." Rosalie smiled. "I'll make sure of that. Simple enough. What else?"

She was expecting a laundry list, and I didn't really have one, but I did have a few things that the three of them needed to know. "I need you three to stop pushing me." Rosalie started to protest. "Okay, Rosalie, I didn't mean you, I meant more Alice and Esme." I smiled genuinely at both of them. "Tanya and I talked the night of the festival. She shared a piece of her past that none of us really knew. She didn't change my mind, she just gave me something to think about." Alice had a big grin on her face. "That's the other thing. I know you mean well, but no more _feelings_ about 'girls knocking me on my ass,' and no more 'helping me find someone.' Okay?" I looked at them, my eyebrows raised in question. "It will _never_ happen. For whatever time I have left on this earth, my whole being will always belong to Bella."

"Sweetheart, you know I wasn't ready to let you go. I want you to be happy. I just hope we're enough for you."

"I know, Esme. I'm going to work on it. I'm just as confused as the rest of you."

"I'm only saying this once," Alice piped in, "but I stand by my earlier 'feeling.' I don't know how or why I know this, but it is coming."

I gave her a warning look, and she shrugged her shoulders holding up her hands in defense. _I won't say it ever again!_ She pretended to lock her lips, and threw the imaginary key over her shoulder.

"This development with Jasper, I'm going to put off making any decisions for now. We need to find him, that's the priority." Both Alice and I started thinking about the vision again. We had been playing it over and over in our heads for the past three days. There was something that was bugging me about it, and I couldn't put my finger on it.

"Is everyone out of the house right now? Is it just the four of us here?" Rosalie asked.

"Yes. Tanya and her family went to scout the South today, they should be back early tomorrow," Esme answered. "Carlisle and Emmett are at the compound helping with the final clean up."

Rosalie and Esme continued to talk about things at the compound, and the festival, while Alice and I were caught up in our own silent talk. She was throwing out the images that we had shared. Jasper running. He was barefoot and in the same clothes he had left the house in over three months ago. We saw only snippets as he ran through what could have been anywhere. The landscape of the country had changed so drastically over the last ten years, it was impossible to tell where he was. The look of resolve with a bit of terror on his face, led us to believe he was being chased. We couldn't be certain, but it didn't seem like he was doing the chasing. The only other image we had to go on was a quick flash of another vampire. He was a tall vampire, dressed in an old ragged military-style jacket. His eyes were ruby red and he had long sandy colored hair tied back in a ponytail. I couldn't shake the feeling that I had seen him before, I just didn't know where.

"We'll find him, Alice," I whispered, leaning over and gently squeezing her knee. "I'm sorry for hurting you the other night."

"I deserved it, and you didn't hurt me as much as I hurt you."

"Ugh," Rosalie grunted. "We're not going back to this are we? You're sorry," she pointed to Alice, "he's sorry, and Esme's sorry. Done. Let's move on."

In one quick movement, I leaned forward grabbing her arm and pulling her on to the couch with the three of us. I hugged all three of them, laughing and telling them how I much I loved them, even Rosalie.

.

A WEEK HAD GONE by, and still no more visions. Alice and I would spend hours upon hours trying to push her to see something else. We tried yelling and screaming. Wrestling and running, but nothing seemed to make the visions come back. We speculated with Carlisle that it must have been something on both ends. Jasper must have been in an extreme emotional state, as was Alice and somehow they connected. But these were just theories, and we were all getting tired of theories. We had pushed our patrols out well beyond the Washington border, and even the wolves were helping in the search.

Jacob had agreed to have them patrol the North, while we stayed South. The wolves were happy to help for the most part. They liked the idea of having a purpose again, plus they were just as curious about the news of the red-eyed vampire in Alice's vision.

Charlie and Seth had come to visit a few times, hoping to help in any way they could. It was getting more and more difficult to keep up the secrets, especially with Seth. With Jacob and the rest of his pack helping us out, Seth felt betrayed when we had to tell him we didn't need his help. We could only tell him and Charlie so much, and picking up the trail of a vampire on foot was definitely not on that list.

We were tired of sitting idly by and collectively decided as a family that Emmett, Alice, Eleazar, Kate and I would travel to the far South. Seth was devastated when we told him he couldn't come with us. It troubled me to have to keep all this from him, but it couldn't be helped. His heart was so pure, he just wanted to help. Emmett and I had to be firm with him the day before we had planned on leaving.

Seth and Charlie had just left the house. It was early afternoon when Emmett and I decided to get in one last hunting run before we needed to leave.

"That kid's going to be trouble," Emmett said as we ran at a quick but steady pace returning to the house.

"Seth? Yeah. He's starting to ask questions. We're going to have to make a decision soon. Not to mention Charlie, too. I don't think we can keep much from them any longer, neither can Jacob," I said admitting what he already knew.

"How do you think they'll take it?"

"Not sure about Charlie. Seth will probably be more open to the truth, having grown up with the legends. But Charlie…" I wondered whether he would be so open to the idea that he had let twelve blood-drinking vampires in the compound he had fought so hard to keep together and protected. "It won't be easy, no matter how we lessen the blow, that's for sure."

We were backtracking down the valley when we came across a familiar scent. Immediately, we both sported huge face splitting grins, knowing exactly whose scent it was.

"He's back!" Emmett said, and took off running down the valley. It took me a second or two to register that he was no longer by my side, but I caught up to him quick enough. Our spirits were high as we chased each other back to the house. Emmett couldn't keep up to me, so I slowed my pace enough so we ran side by side. We laughed and joked along the way, relieved our brother was finally back.

Emmett let out a loud holler as we crashed through the front door unable to contain our excitement any longer. He was slightly ahead of me as we rounded the corner to the living room. He stopped in his tracks causing me to crash into the back of him.

"Emm—" my voice faltered as I finally registered what was happening in the house. The entire family was gathered in the living room, huddled around the couch in the far corner … huddled around someone. There were quiet sobs coming from Esme and Carmen, while the others were just a mix of emotions and thoughts. Relief, flooded my body, and mind. The room was filled with it.

Our interruption caused a small part in the crowd, as Kate, Irina and Tanya stepped back allowing Emmett and I the opportunity to see who it was.

"Whoa…" Emmett exclaimed. "What _happened_ to you?"

Jasper was sitting on the couch, Esme on one side of him, while Alice was on the other desperately clinging to him. Rosalie and Carmen were doing their best to console them. Carlisle was kneeling in front of Jasper, and he was … _examining him_? Yes. From Carlisle's thoughts, I saw he was examining a new silver half-moon scar that ran just below Jasper's left eye. It was close enough that it could have caused permanent damage. Carlisle was making sure it hadn't. He was also certain that this was just one of many new battle scars that covered Jasper's body, even though he hadn't shared that bit of information with anyone.

Jasper's clothes were tattered and torn, and his skin was covered in dried dirt, and blood. I could smell it all the way from the doorway where I was standing. There were other foul stenches coming from him. Foreign smells of decay and venom that were all mingled together, blending into the other. It was a horrible, uncomfortable smell, and each of us tried our best to mask our disgust.

He looked so exhausted and haggard. I tried to focus on him, to find out what he was thinking, how he was doing, but he was thinking of random song lyrics. I narrowed my eyes, concentrating harder, hoping to penetrate enough to get something to tell me what had happened. His head snapped in my direction, and the first thing I noticed were his eyes. They were still a mirror of our own, amber in color, and I let out a small sigh of relief. He was calm. His thoughts narrowed in on Alice, so I let him have his privacy.

Emmett moved across the room, gathering Rosalie into his arms as we waited for Carlisle to finish. I sat on the other couch next to Tanya and Kate. Everyone else settled in and waited in silence.

"It came close, son," Carlisle said, with trepidation in his voice. He smoothed his thumb over Jasper's cheek.

Jasper made a non-committal response, it was guttural almost. Carlisle glanced down at Jasper's feet which were bare, and all of our eyes followed. The room filled with tiny gasps of exclamation, as we all realized what Carlisle was looking at. Jasper was missing two of his toes, one on each foot, like someone had deliberately removed them.

"What the hell happened?" Emmett said again, breaking the silence in the room.

Carlisle stood up slowly, placing his hand on top of Jasper's messy hair, and with as much love and compassion he could muster through his anger, he tenderly said, "Start at the beginning, son."

"Carlisle, as much as we're all anxious to hear this, I think he should have a hot shower first," Esme disagreed. "He deserves that much, and he'll feel a little better cleaned up." The others started to nod in agreement wanting to make him comfortable.

"It's okay, Esme," Jasper's voice was rough and hardened. "I need to get this out, while I'm like this. It'll be easier this way. If I'm clean it'll be…" he trailed off with a distant look in his eyes.

"Yes, of course," Esme came to his rescue, "whatever you wish. You take as much time as you need."

He cleared his throat, hoping to give his voice the clarity it needed to continue. His thoughts were so guarded, like he was keeping something from me. I could only imagine the horrors he must have witnessed, and he was probably protecting me from having to experience them as well. I looked at him curiously. He met my eyes, but quickly looked away.

"It's worse than what we thought," he started, his eyes downcast from the rest of us. "It's Maria."

My eyes swept to Alice, and I saw her stiffen at her name. "Maria?" she asked fearfully.

"Who is Maria?" Eleazar asked. Carmen and Eleazar had not been around us long enough for Jasper to have shared his history with them over the years. It wasn't something he liked to talk about, and very rarely volunteered anything about her, or his time with her.

"She was my maker," Jasper explained. He continued to brief them in on their shared past, the battles, and wars fought in the South so many years ago along with the newborn army.

"Ay, mi amigo, _you_ were a part of the Newborn Wars?" Eleazar said with astonishment in his voice. "All those years in the guard, and I never knew!"

"I fought alongside Maria for many years. We controlled one of the largest territories at the time, until I eventually left her." Jasper closed his eyes for a moment, trying to forget that time. "Maria is gathering another army. It's nothing like I've ever seen. It's not just the numbers, but it's her motivation. She's desperate to change the way of the world. Over and over she spoke of the 'time of the vampire.'" He opened his eyes, focusing on Carlisle.

"She took over a District. Her army fed on the old and weak and she kept the healthy humans. She keeps them as slaves. It looks relatively normal from the surface, like it's an actual functioning District. But underground…." He shook his head, and for a brief moment I saw in his head what he was talking about. It was a series of tunnels built within an existing cave system, each tunnel connecting to one common area. "The place is bigger than anything I've ever seen," he said with complete reverence, lost deep within the memories of the place. Again, his eyes snapped to me, and he immediately shut me out.

"She's always had a predilection toward humans with promise or potential, as she calls it. She weeds out the weak from the strong," he continued, then turned his attention to Emmett. "You know how you've always joked about how very 'Mad Max' the whole idea of the _Ravagers_ is? Well, it's _way_ 'Beyond the Thunderdome,' pardon my analogy, but it really is." He tried to laugh it off, but I could tell he had seen some atrocities that none of us could even imagine.

"She even has a dome-like structure deep within the underground. She's been pitting human against human. The one who shows _potential_ lives for another day. The one who doesn't…" He paused for a second. "I always thought that human was probably the lucky one," he said to himself quietly, then looked up at the rest of us. "He or she is fed to the vampire who pleased Maria the most that day. It's a quick death … usually."

"And the other human? The one who is left to live?" Carlisle asked warily.

"She lets them live to fight again, until they prove their worth. If they do, she'll turn them. She's building an army of extreme survivors or fighters. But the thing is, it's not just one or two fights they have to endure, it's dozens upon dozens. It's all so violent, more violent and disturbing than I care to share." Again, he blocked his thoughts. I could only guess he was trying to spare me from experiencing the nightmare he had been living these past few months. I was rather grateful, I supposed.

"She drives them to the brink of insanity, Carlisle. I could _feel_ their terror, and all I could do was watch and feel their horror as they slowly went mad." He put his head in his hands. Alice and Esme reached to touch him, but they stopped when he flinched away from them. "As you can imagine, most don't survive past two or three fights, but the ones that do, they are the _Ravagers_ in the truest sense. Most of these men or woman have not been turned yet, but she has them lusting for blood even as humans. She's waiting to turn them once her army is ready. She has ranks and ranks of vampires. But these humans, she wants to keep them and have them fight as newborns, so their strength is at their maximum."

The sleeve of his shirt had risen up the length of his arm while he was bent over. Even from where I sat, I could see another fresh new scar. It should have been me.

"Why is she doing it?" I asked.

"Power. Greed. The same motivating factors she had all those years ago, but now she sees it as a global opportunity. She's not just fighting for territory; she's fighting for a new way of life. She sees the humans as cattle, nothing more. They're worth nothing to her. She wants to enslave them, farm them, all to feed her and her army."

"So what is she waiting for?" As usual, Carlisle asked all the pertinent questions. "It sounds like she's gathered quite a force. What's stopping her from attacking now?"

"Honestly? I think she's terrified. There is still a small part of her that believes the Volturi are alive. She's waiting for proof they're gone before she makes her move. Remember, Maria's a survivor first and foremost."

Carlisle stood up, pacing the room. He was turning different ideas over and over in his head. Utterly mortified with Jasper's account, Carlisle's first thoughts were of how this could unfold and the repercussions of Maria's ambitions. _The world has been through enough. We cannot allow this to happen._ After all these years, he still felt accountable. He voiced the rest of his thoughts out loud. "The Volturi are alive, I'm fairly certain of this. Aro never would have left himself vulnerable."

"I agree with you," Eleazar said. "We both know Aro and his brothers well enough to know they are survivors, too. I'm just not sure how they can help us. They are across the ocean. They might as well be dead to us."

"Regardless, this is bigger than the twelve of us can handle. We are going to need their help," Carlisle said. _They owe this. They have to help,_ he added silently before continuing. "We just have to find a way to reach them, and find out how many of the guard survived. If I was a betting man, I would bet my life on the Volturi's survival and with their guard intact, as well."

After all these years, we still didn't know how Europe had faired. There were rumors, of course, that it was completely annihilated, there was nothing left. There was also talk of a great war happening on that side of the ocean. The truth was, no one knew. We had just assumed they were struggling much the same as North America was.

"Even if that's the case, Carlisle, what makes you think they'd come and help?" Emmett piped up. "They've got to be struggling with their own battles. Hell, they could be doing the same thing as Maria."

"It's possible, but the Volturi have survived centuries upon centuries," Eleazar said, shaking his head. "They've lived through all kinds of wars and famines and plagues. They will not look at this war as anything different than anything they have already endured. Their way of life is absolute."

"Well, there may be one other thing that will bring them around," Jasper finally spoke up again. This time he looked to Tanya, and her sisters. I saw a flash of what he was about to say. He swallowed before continuing. "Maria has created a few _immortal children._ "

"No!" The three gasped in unison.

"There are only a handful of them. She uses them to lure people at other Districts to open up their gates. Usually under the pretences of a mother travelling alone with small children. It works every time. Once inside, well, you get the idea."

"But surely she could get in the Districts if she wanted to! What does she need the children for?" Irina's voice was strained as she comprehended what this new development meant.

"She says it's more fun this way, watching the humans trusting her, all because of the children."

We debated the idea of Maria using immortal children for some time. We knew that this would definitely be a driving force to bring the Volturi to us. The immortal children had left many deep scars in the vampire world. They were a curse, or a plague. They were taboo, and absolutely forbidden.

"Aro, Marcus and Caius will not stand by and allow her to create more immortal children," Carlisle said with certainty, and Eleazar agreed emphatically.

"Maria knows this, and this is why she waits. She's had her own scouts out looking for them, or word of them. So far, she's been unsuccessful. Although, a vampire appeared at the gates of the District not long ago, and he was rambling incoherently, almost as if he had gone mad. He spoke of twin vampires. One that breathed fire on him, while the other stole his body. He said this over and over again and his whole body screamed of fear. Maria had him destroyed, said he was weak, mad. I couldn't help but wonder what he meant by it. Now, when I think about it, it sounds like—"

"Alec and Jane," Carlisle whispered.

"Yes." Jasper nodded.

Most vampires knew the abilities of the Volturi guard. Alec and Jane were their most prized possessions. Jane could have the strongest of vampires screaming in agony as she burrowed into their brain, making them think they were burning from the inside out, while Alec could steal your body of all its senses and actually physically burn you without you even knowing it. They were indeed formidable, and were never far from Aro and his brothers.

"That's good news," Carlisle said smiling.

We all agreed, knowing that it was possible the Volturi were on this continent, or at least Jane and Alec were. That was one small bit of joy in what seemed like an endless tale of misery. Everyone was smiling, everyone but Jasper. His head was filled with numbers, as if he was counting, trying to distract his own thoughts. I knew the tactic well. My siblings had been using it for years when they wanted to keep me out of their heads. I concentrated on the other thoughts around the room, trying to give him space. He obviously wasn't ready to talk about it, so I was trying to respect his decisions. I was just so grateful to have him back, relatively in one piece, that I wasn't too concerned.

Carlisle and Eleazar were still in the corner of the room mulling over everything that Jasper had shared with us. They were particularly curious about the newborn vampires. Jasper hadn't really given too many details, and they wanted to know more.

"You say she plans on having all these newborn vampires?" Carlisle prompted. "How does she intend to control them once they are turned, if they are as savage as you say? Surely, she must understand that they'll be completely unpredictable and hostile."

Jasper closed his eyes, raising his hands to the back of his neck and carefully picked out his words before speaking aloud. "I don't know how to tell this part of the story," he said honestly. "I'm not sure how to start." He looked directly at me, pausing for a moment. "It's all very precarious, and it's extremely delicate."

"Take your time, sweetheart," Esme said rubbing his knee. "You're safe here, and we're not going anywhere."

Now I was even more confused. I didn't know how he was doing it, talking of one thing and thinking of another. He had so much more to share with us. His scars and how he managed to get away from Maria were just a few of the things. But this wasn't what he was referring to.

"Jasper, what are you not telling us?" I said. The lower base of my spine was tingling while he looked directly at me. There was tension in his face, and I felt it, but only for a moment before a wave of calm fell over the whole room. "What do you mean by delicate?"

"I'll continue with this part of the story, but I need everyone to stay with me, stay calm and not overreact." He looked around the room before his eyes fell directly on me. "Promise me."

We all agreed, and I felt the tingling in my spine spread further up, where it nestled just beneath my hairline.

"Maria had a _gift_ as she calls it." He was extremely uncomfortable, and we could all feel the effects. He tried to calm himself again, and we felt that as well. He didn't continue right away, so Esme prompted him some more.

"A gift? What kind of gift?"

"She had a vampire in her midst with extraordinary abilities, more than any vampire I've ever seen. Maria's _gift_ could control the newborns. I have seen this vampire in action. It's quite fascinating to watch actually. Not physically strong, in fact relatively weak for one of our kind. But this pet of Maria's doesn't feed as much as the others do, so I can only assume that's the reasoning for the physical weakness. Can't seem to stomach it, really, but the control even for a few short years is far beyond what Carlisle can do. It really is … _fascinating_ ," Jasper said again, but this time with such reverence. His thoughts were still extremely guarded though. "Truly … amazing … in every sense…" he said, trailing off.

"What do you mean he can control them? How?" Carlisle asked.

"It's a talent, like Edward's, Alice's or mine. I don't know how, but the newborns are kept in check, keeping them at bay, if you will. It's like a powerful blocking capability, like being masked in a cloak where no one can enter. And not just the mind, but the whole being."

I was getting a horrible foreboding feeling that I couldn't shake. Something was _wrong_. This was all so very, very _wrong._ It was as if my ears were ringing and it felt like the room's temperature had been raised significantly.

"What are you not telling us?" I asked desperately, my voice shaking. He must be the vampire I saw in Alice's vision. The one I couldn't place, I knew I had I seen him before. "Who is he? Do we know him?"

He glared at me from across the room, and the calm hit me again, but it did nothing to stay the feeling that was sweeping over me. " _She_ has a few names. Most of the vampires call her 'Phoenix.'" I could tell he was desperately trying to control the emotions in the room, but my feelings grew stronger despite his efforts. The panic was building.

So _wrong_. Where was this feeling coming from?

"Phoenix, because that's where they found her." His eyes were drilling into mine, and I think for the first time in a century, I actually felt every hair on my body stand on end. What was that sound ringing in my ears? Nothing else existed, except the sound of the ocean in my ears. Everything was muffled and distant. I could swear my heart started beating, pounding in my chest, and my ears. I was nauseous, like my insides were coming apart and I needed to expel them. I felt myself gag, but managed to force it down by putting my head between my knees.

"No," I said, just above a whisper.

 _Yes_ , Jasper responded in his head, but I couldn't really comprehend anything his mind was trying to tell me. Not until he allowed me in to that part of his mind that he had been keeping locked from me this whole time.

And then everything became clear. Crystal clear. The betrayal I felt grew exponentially. The next thing I knew I was halfway across the room and held Jasper up against the wall by his shirt collar. Everyone in the room jumped to their feet, yelling out in alarm. Jasper didn't move. His eyes were filled with such sadness, while my whole body shook with rage at his deceit _._ Why was he doing this? She was dead. It wasn't possible what I saw in his head. It couldn't be possible. I would know. I would've known!

"Don't. Don't mess with me, " I pleaded. "Not _you_!" I cried out, shoving him against the wall again.

As I pressed my arm across his chest, it hit me like a sledgehammer. I smelled it interlaced within the filth and decay. The faint trace of freesias. That rush of a thousand heartbeats I was so familiar with did not compare to what my body was going through now. I was utterly and irrevocably crushed. I crumpled to the floor, with my head in my hands, my chest heaving as I tried to make sense of it all.

The room became very small all of a sudden. There were voices all around me as hands tried to grab me, lifting me up from the floor. It was all so suffocating, and even though I didn't need to breathe, I was choking for air. That foggy, hazy dream-like state came flooding back into my head. I had felt like this only one other time in my life, and I was not about to go down that road right now. I couldn't afford to.

I shoved everyone's hands away as I stood up, screaming out all of my frustrations of pain and anger. "Where is she?" I screamed at the top of my lungs. My throat burned from the intensity behind my words. "Where is she?" I grabbed him by the shirt collar again shoving him up against the wall. "You left her there?" My voice cracked as I looked intently at Jasper's scar under his left eye. He had only been there for a few months, and he looked like this. What did that mean for her?

Jasper's face fell at my accusation. His lip curled up in disgust that I would think of that of him. _Of course not._ _She's hidden away._

"Where is she?" I cried out in panic this time, begging him.

Jasper just shook his head again.

I gave him one last shove, ignoring the confused protests of the rest of the family and before I knew it I was out the door running through the trees following Jasper's trail. I was like a man possessed, chasing a dream through the unknown abyss. For years, my life, my soul, was surrounded by a dark and infinite shadow. A light was finally shining in that deep void that had kept me company for all these years. That spark seemed to burst into flames, calling me to come explore the nothingness. I ran for miles and miles, not exactly sure where I was going, just knowing I had to keep moving. I feared the spark would extinguish again if I stopped.

I wasn't sure how far I had gotten, or how long Jasper had been trying to get my attention, but I eventually heard his voice in my head.

 _You'll never find her,_ Jasper thoughts invaded my own. _I covered my tracks, I had to._

I stopped running, turning to look for him behind me. He was alone, and wasn't too far away, but he was still running to meet me. I charged down the mountain toward him, tackling him to the ground. The sound echoed through the valley like thunder when we collided. We tumbled down the slope for a few yards before coming to a stop.

"Tell me!" I yelled through clenched teeth, frustrated with him beyond all reason. I knew Jasper was right. I had no idea where I was going, and if he didn't want anyone to find his trail, they wouldn't.

_Maria will be coming after her, and I covered my tracks to the house. I made sure if Maria was to follow my trail it would lead her here to us, rather than back to her._

"You left her alone?" I raged, still wondering if he could be telling the truth, or if this was some lie he had cleverly crafted.

_She's not alone. I never would have left her if she wasn't protected. She insisted it had to be this way. She wouldn't come. She was too afraid of leading Maria here._

I scoffed at his words. It definitely sounded like her…

"Yes, she's still as stubborn as you, maybe worse," he said laughing a little. His hands were up in the air, while I knelt on his chest. He wasn't fighting me, and I knew he wouldn't even though part of me wanted him to. I felt him use his powers again, to try and diffuse my rage. I relaxed, but only slightly. "You going to let me up?" He smiled.

Immediately, he regretted trying to use humor to ease the tension. I glared down at him, not moving an inch, waiting for him to tell me what I wanted to hear.

"I'll take you to her," his voice was somber, "but you have to hear our story along the way."

* * *

_**-:-** END OF PART I_ **-:-**


	21. PART II-Forewarned is Forearmed

  
__**-:- PART II -:-**  
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.  
_The important thing is not to stop questioning._  
_—Albert Einstein_  


**CHAPTER 20**

**-:- Forewarned is Forearmed -:-**

* * *

**2016 -:- Present Day**

Once I calmed down, Jasper was willing to talk. I was impatient and desperate, but he was just as willful as I was, and made it quite clear this was going to be done his way. He said there were reasons why he was protecting me from the truth, which served only to compound my anxiety further. He assured me she was whole, and safe, and perfect. That was all he would tell me, and although I was grateful for even that small bit of information, I was frustrated with him for keeping details from me.

"Where is she?" I asked.

"She's safe, Edward. She's close. I took her to Montana, to a place Alice and I knew well. We lived some very happy years there before we found all of you. It's a good place, and the only place I could think of that I had access to. It's a little rough around the edges, but the cabin was still standing." He tried to reassure me, but his words skimmed in and out of my head like a sieve. "Alice and I had some very happy times there."

"Alice." I hadn't even thought about how the family would have reacted to my outburst. "The family—" I knew of this cabin, I could make it there myself without him. I started to protest, but he quickly cut me off.

"You can forget it, I'm not leaving you. They'll be fine. Really, don't concern yourself with them. I gave them a brief explanation before I left. They're full of questions too, but they understand, Edward."

"But I've taken you from Alice, again. I'm sorry."

He looked at me with remorse in his eyes. "Edward," he said quietly, "a few more weeks for Alice and I is nothing. It's not ten years, now is it?" He gave me a sad smile.

My anxiety started building. I was nervous, pacing around the clearing, running my hands over my clothes and through my hair, trying to clean away the evidence of our previous tussle. My stomach was tied up in knots at the prospect of seeing her. I had dreamt of this moment for over ten years, but I never thought this day would come, at least not while I was alive and still walking this earth. I was having a hard time believing this was real, that it wasn't some sick and twisted trick my mind was playing on me. I knew I wouldn't survive it if it was.

"What's she like?" I asked, toying with the edge of my sleeve. I needed to hear more, to convince myself this was really happening.

Unable to hide my emotions from him, he started to chuckle, and his grin was even wider if possible. "You're nervous?" He shook his head and continued to laugh. "Afraid you've put on some weight? Grew a bald spot?"

"Yeah, laugh it up," I said, walking away from him. "It's not funny. What if she doesn't …" I couldn't bring myself to finish the sentence. To say it out loud would bring the possibility to light. Frustrated, I let out a scream and it echoed through the hills.

"She's truly remarkable in every sense," he said sympathetically. "She's a fighter. A survivor and you'll definitely be surprised by her."

"Is she …" I hesitated, afraid to ask, "different?"

"Yes. But how could she not be. I'm not going to lie to you, and I won't spare you any of the details. You need to know all of it so you can understand who she is now. She's not the same, well , and neither am I. I was only there for a few months, but she … she was there for years, Edward."

I looked down at his bare feet, and saw the missing digits. His mind was fractured too. Whatever happened down there, broke him, he was changed.

"It should have been me. I should have been the one to go, not you." I was scared to know what she had endured. If Jasper had suffered this badly in such a short amount of time, what could have possibly happened to her? The thought terrified me.

"I never should have left," I cried out desperately, my fists balled at my sides. "I never should have given up." I crouched down with my head in my hands.

"We can't take back what happened, it's done, just like we can't take back the last ten years. I have to believe this all happened for a reason. All this pain and suffering both of you have lived through has to have served a higher purpose. This is a _miracle,_ Edward, in every sense." His voice was full of awe and wonder.

"It should have been me." I stood up, with my back to him. His thoughts were curious as to what I meant, whether I meant it should have been me in his place, or me in her place. Regardless, it was true for both. It should have been me either way.

"But it wasn't, and rightfully so. Neither one of you would have made it out alive. And that's the honest truth. It had to be me." I heard him turn and walk a few paces away. "All this time you didn't think I knew what you were doing? You didn't think the family knew what you were doing? You had nothing to prove to us, to _anyone._ You are my brother in every sense. I _owed_ you this. I robbed you of a life with her. It was me who took her away from you in the first place. I would gladly sacrifice a few toes and some scars to return what I stole from you." His grief was emanating from him, and up until this moment, I never knew the full extent of his guilt.

"Is that what you think? Have you carried this with you all this time?" I asked, my voice incredulous with the knowledge of his confession. "Jasper," I sighed, "I really don't know what to say." He had carried this guilt for ten years. He sacrificed himself for me when he did nothing wrong. "I have never held you responsible for the decision _I_ made," I said quietly. "I made that choice and me alone. Against all the protests of the family, I am the one responsible for walking away from her and no one else."

"I was the catalyst. My inability to control my urges. Urges _Maria_ instilled in me. I hate her, Edward, more than ever. If I had destroyed her all those years ago …" The horror I felt stem from him was startling. Jasper was always the strong one in the family. Rarely did he let things affect him like this, but what he had gone through had definitely changed him. It was unsettling.

"It's as you said, we can't change the past. What's done is done." I tried to reassure him, even though I had a hard time believing that myself.

"I'd believe you a little more, if you didn't doubt that so much." He chuckled as he grasped my shoulder. "I guess we both have our burdens to bear. We've been given second chances, and bringing her back to you, was one of mine."

"I'll be forever in your debt. I don't know how I'll make it up to you, but I will," I said with complete sincerity. He pulled me into a hug. It was unexpected, but it was what we both needed. I didn't know what he had witnessed, but it was enough to shake him to the core and doubt himself. He was scared, I could feel that from him, but more importantly, I could also sense a kind of obligation he felt he owed me, which I couldn't understand.

"There's nothing more I need," he said, patting my back before breaking the embrace. "Besides, you may change your mind once you see her." He chuckled and felt the nervousness flood my body again. I had so many questions that I wanted answers for.

"Relax," he said as he sent a calming wave my way. "She's still the same in many regards. Remember how stubborn and self-sacrificing she was as a human? Well, now she's a vampire. I'll let you put two and two together." He laughed a little, shaking his head at a few of the arguments they had endured in the last few weeks.

"Montana, huh?"

"Yeah. It's peaceful and isolated. Something she desperately needed," he said.

His thoughts switched to the man I had seen in his head earlier, the same man in Alice's vision that seemed familiar to me.

"Who's the tall man?"

"His name's Garrett," he said quietly, a little too quietly, which made me suspicious, but the name didn't trigger any memories.

"Do you trust him?"

"With my life. But more importantly, she does too. He saved her in every sense." He looked me directly in the eyes and there was something there that caused my stomach to clench again.

"What? What are you not telling me?"

"Let's start moving and I'll tell you all of it."

I couldn't argue, but I was dreadfully impatient. He was still keeping things from me and I was trying hard not to rush him, to let him tell me everything at his own pace. There was some reason for his hesitation, and right now, I was at his complete mercy. I would follow him to the depths of hell for this story, and if he wanted me to wait, I had no choice but to abide by his wishes, no matter how painful it may be.

"I'll start with what happened when I left all of you. We have time, and you really do need to know all of it if everyone's going to survive this." His thoughts switched to Maria, and I saw how venomous they were. "Make no mistake, I _will_ end Maria's life. If it takes me eternity, I don't care. She's ruined too many lives not to have to pay for what she's done."

He opened up his mind and let me in, the details playing like a movie and all I could do was sit back, wait and watch with trepidation and wonder as Jasper's voice narrated everything I was seeing...

**2016 -:- Memories of Jasper's Past**

The Districts to the South were much different than the Districts to the North. While both were always fortified, only the Southern Districts actually had numerous armed guards patrolling along the tops of the walls. It was extremely difficult to get inside them, especially as a man travelling on his own. They didn't trust anyone, and rightly so. They were extremely hard pressed down here, and they wouldn't let anyone pass through their gates unless they had something to offer. Warmer temperatures seemed to make people bolder, and the Districts tended to be more hostile. Everyone was on edge with the rumors of Ravagers coming and stealing people in the night.

My ability made it a little easier to gain access, but getting them to trust me took a lot of energy and influence, but thankfully I had the supplies Esme had insisted I take, which helped greatly. She had packed my bag full of seeds of all kinds of vegetables, knowing it was the easiest thing to carry. The humans were grateful for the supplies. It was difficult to manage the sunshine, but I was careful to stay fully covered and stuck to the shadows most of the times. The sun never did shine as brightly as it had before the bombs.

Once inside a District, I spent nights around hearth fires listening to the whispers and tales of those who could not die, didn't age, and didn't get sick. Rumors insisted these people were sick from the radiation and it did something to their brain which drove them mad, turning them toward cannibalism.

It had taken me just over a week to find a District which had been visited by these "Ravagers." It was located near the border of what was formerly known as Texas. I had to give them the remainder of my supplies in order to be admitted through the gates, and once inside, they were extremely skeptical to talk with me. The smell of these places was something I still could never get used to. Human waste and refuse was everywhere, as I was sure disease too. The Districts the family had visited over the years were never as bad as this. It had been a long time since we had visited the Southern Districts. For the past few years, we had spent most of our time on the east coast, or in the north. There was always filth and disease, but most of the Districts struggled together and did the best they could. Over the years, they started rebuilding. They were far from being towns or even villages, but at least they were trying.

Down here, it was like the people had given up. The air was rife with despair and discord. It was difficult for me not to be fully absorbed within it. The humans did not look healthy, and there was a definite hierarchy as to how they lived. There were distinct areas which clearly did better than some. It was a shame to see so many people struggling, while their neighbors flourished. I wasn't sure how or why this was happening, and frankly, I didn't care. I wasn't there to make friends, I needed information, and then I could be on my way.

Dusk was setting in, and my presence was clearly causing tension in the air. It buzzed around me like it was alive. I wasn't much for talking; I always had Alice for that. I forced myself to put on a friendly face, and sat down at one of the burning fires. I sent a wave of calm to everyone around the area and watched the effects as they settled in to their nightly routines. There was a young boy, around the age of six, across the fire from me. He was staring curiously at me, or I should say, my belt buckle. It must have been shining from the fire light. I smiled at him, and he smiled back. He slowly started to make his way over to me, cautious at first, holding his lip between two dirty little fingers. His mother looked up from the pot she was stirring, and fear caused her to lash out at the young boy.

"Christopher! You leave the young man alone."

"It's no trouble, ma'am. He's not bothering me."

She looked at me hesitantly and I did my best to ease her worries. It worked as I expected, and she eventually smiled.

"Are you sure? He's always been a curious one, especially with strangers. He's never been outside them walls," she patted his head affectionately, "so anyone comes through those gates, he attaches himself to them. Well and," she dipped her head and her skin flushed, "no disrespect, but I don't trust strangers." She pulled on the small towel she had resting on her shoulder and started to wring it in her hands, clearly nervous with my company.

It had been a long time since I was around humans on my own. The family was always there to deflect any of the attention, and with Edward, we always knew what they were thinking. Like most humans, she was curious about my looks, her flushed skin betrayed her, and her heart beat signaled to me that she was slightly anxious. She loved her son, and wanted to trust me, but something was making her hesitant.

"I can understand that. I've seen a lot of things in the last ten years, but my wife keeps me sane." I smiled back at her. The word 'wife' did not escape her notice, and I saw her shoulders relax a little.

"Wife? You look too young to have a wife," she said with a little laughter.

"True, but these days, why wait, right? You never know what will happen. Why not enjoy the days while you can. Life's precious." I picked up a small piece of wood and threw it on the fire. The sparks flew up around us, and the fire crackled and hissed in response.

Her emotions settled down somewhat while she contemplated her next words. "She's not travelling with you." She said it as a statement, rather than a question.

"No, ma'am. I didn't want her to come. She's with her family up North. I'm here looking for some distant relatives of mine. I got wind they were living down here in former Texas."

"I sure am sorry, Mr…" she paused, realizing she didn't know my name.

"Whitlock. Jasper Whitlock." I wasn't sure why I gave that name. I hadn't used it in years. I was always 'Hale' or 'Cullen' depending on what new story the family needed to spin. Down here, I had history. I had always been Jasper Whitlock, so it just felt right. "But please, call me Jasper," I finished, but didn't extend a hand. She was still wary of me and I didn't want to force her into doing something she wasn't comfortable with.

"Abby," she said. "Abigail Campbell, and this little man, is Christopher." He grinned widely, displaying a large gap where his two front teeth should have been.

I nodded my head, acknowledging the both of them.

"I'm sorry to tell you, Mr. Whitlock, but there's not much left of Texas. Civilized, anyway." She had a slight drawl to her voice that reminded me of my past. It was easy to slip back into the same cadence.

"What're you saying?" I had been hoping someone would eventually open up to me and share some information. I had been unlucky this past week. It seemed no one wanted to even mention what was happening, like it was taboo or something.

"Well, with all the oil and such, they been fighting for years. There's talk," her voice lowered, "they're building armies down there. They've been taking people to fight in their wars." Her voice cracked slightly, and I felt her sorrow. I took it in, and let her collect her thoughts, before I sent a wave to counteract her emotions. "They're some real bad people down that way. I'm not sure if your people would have survived that."

"We've heard talk of these bandits, or Ravagers, as some call them." She flinched when I mentioned the word 'Ravager.'

"Have you seen 'em, Mr. Jasper?" Christopher was excited and moved toward me. "They've razor-like teeth and blood for eyes!"

"Hush, Christopher. Those are just bedtime stories old Noah likes to fill your head with. It's nonsense." She turned to me. "I'm sorry. He gets a little carried away sometimes," she apologized.

"No, I seen 'em! They're the ones that took daddy!"

"Christopher! Enough! Mr. Whitlock doesn't want to hear your silly tales."

"Mrs. Campbell, it's okay really," I tried to reassure her. So that's where the sadness was stemming from. These 'Ravagers' or vampires, took her husband. "Is it true? Did they take your husband?" She could only nod in response, as she turned back to the pot to stir it. "I truly am sorry." I sent another wave of calm to her and her son.

"Thank you," she said earnestly. "Would you care for some stew? There's not much to it, but there's some meat in there. You're welcome to it," she offered even though I could tell there was barely enough in the pot for her and her son.

"Thank you, but no, ma'am. That's very kind, but I already ate on the way here. Didn't know I would find a District before dark."

"You sure?" she offered again, and I raised my hand in protest as she dished out the meal into two small bowls. "They took a lot of good men and women," she continued. "It all happened so quick. One minute we were all sleeping, we heard the shouts and screams, and Jonathan ran out to see what was happening, and," she swallowed her tears, "he never came back."

"Noah says they're ghosts!" Christopher said. "But I saw one through the crack in the wall. He wasn't a ghost." Christopher had moved closer to me. He was right in front of my knees now. "His eyes were red, like the devil in one of them stories. Noah says they'll suck your blood!" The child was excited, but I could sense he was terrified. He didn't want to believe the stories were true, and he looked to me for confirmation.

"Nonsense! People don't drink blood." I tried to pass it off as nothing and poked him in the belly. "Those stories were created to scare you kids into listening to your parents." I laughed, and Abigail laughed along with me. She threw me a grateful look, even though she was just as terrified as her son. There was such sadness in her eyes. She had lived a hard life, and now she had to face it alone, trying to take care of a child in a world that didn't make sense.

"You know, I might have something in my pack here that you and your mama can use." I pulled out the compass Alice had insisted I pack. She knew I never needed one, but she was adamant I take it. I smiled as I thought about her and what an amazing woman she was. "My wife gave me this, but I don't really see the need for it. I can find my way by the sun and the stars. I want you to have it." I opened the shiny brass compass for him, and the needle danced around the face until it finally rested on North.

"Mr. Whitlock, I'm sorry, we can't take that," Abigail objected.

"I insist. My wife would love to hear that someone was getting some use out of it. She's always collecting stuff, and I'm sure she probably has a half dozen of them back at home." I smiled warmly at her.

"What's her name?" Abigail asked softly.

"Alice. Her name is Alice, and I tell you," I chuckled, "she's a quite a woman." I knew exactly what the compass was meant for. She seemed to always know, with or without her visions. "She would also want me to tell you there are better places than what you have here. I don't mean to judge, but how you're living, well it isn't right," I said. "I've seen a lot of places, and there are far better Districts for you and your son." I looked her directly in the eyes and continued in a hushed voice. "You find someone you trust to go with you, and follow that compass North, on up to Washington. Look for a town called Forks. It'll be tough, but I promise you it'll be worth it. You'll find my family there. God willing, I'll be there too, but if not, you tell Alice I sent you. You'll have a home." Tears welled up in her eyes, and she quickly looked away.

I placed the compass in the little boy's hands. "It's heavy, mama!" He grinned at me, while he held it up to the fire, watching the flames in its reflection.

"Well, what do you say to Mr. Whitlock?" She sniffed a few times, while she dabbed her eyes. "Lord, child. He's gonna think I've raised you without manners."

"Thank you," he said, still in awe with the object. "Is it really mine to keep?"

"Sure is," I answered and ruffled his hair in return.

"Now, go wash up, it's time for bed," Abigail stated. He started to turn away and scuttled around the fire, but not before she scolded him. "Well, say goodnight, child!"

He turned back to me. "Will you be staying with us?" he asked curiously, looking from me to his mother. I could tell he was a little bit torn as to what my answer would be.

"No, sir. I won't be. Just passing through." I felt his sadness but I felt the relief there as well. He wasn't ready to let go of his father, and by admitting he liked me probably felt like a betrayal of sorts.

"Goodnight, Mr. Jasper. It was a pleasure to meet you." The words came out forced, like they were rehearsed and I couldn't help but laugh at his effort.

"Same to you, Christopher. I hope to see you again." I sat staring into the fire for a moment, trying to think of the best way to ask Abigail the questions I needed to ask. "He's a great kid, and I meant what I said, there's a place for you up North." It wasn't often I came across people who were honest and good these days. And I could tell Abigail was inherently good. She didn't deserve the hand that was dealt to her. If I could guide her toward a different path, she could live a life to proudly hold her head up high again. In exchange, hopefully she would give me the information I needed. The reason why I had come down here.

"Mrs. Campbell, Abby, I need to ask you some more questions about the people who took your husband."

.

IT WASN'T TOO DIFFICULT to get the information I needed from Abigail. She eventually opened up to me and we spent the evening talking well into the early hours of morning. She was a proud woman, and I had done my best to convince her to take the chance and leave this dreadful place. I promised I would keep a look out for her husband. She had shown me a picture of his face, and I memorized it in detail.

The Ravagers were said to be in the area that was formerly San Antonio, an area I was greatly familiar with having come from Houston. I had my suspicions as to who was responsible for these madmen, and knowing they were near Houston pretty much confirmed what I had suspected in the first place. The territory wars were starting again, but on a much larger scale. I was pretty sure, Maria, my maker, was responsible for all this terror. It wouldn't be easy, but I would lay eyes on her as proof before heading back to my family.

Once I had the general location, it wasn't hard to find what I had been seeking. I arrived on the outskirts of the District near mid-afternoon. It was erected close to the side of an escarpment, almost as if it was built directly into the side of it. It wasn't very large, but what I noticed first was the lack of guards posted on the walls, and as the wind shifted, the only thing I smelled was blood and death in the air. This had to be it, the question was, how did I get inside? I just needed a quick look, and then I could be on my way, back to my family, back to Alice. In total, it would have been two weeks, which was definitely a lot longer than what I had planned to spend apart from the others. Alice would be fraught with worry, so the sooner I got in and out, the sooner I could be on my way.

The front gates were open, which I found odd. District gates were never left open. The place almost looked abandoned from the outside, but my ears and nose told me differently. There were people inside, vampire and human. As I approached, two heads popped up from the wall above me. They were wearing large brimmed hats and both were wearing reflective sunglasses, hiding their eyes from me.

"What brings you here, traveler?" one of them called down to me.

I raised my hand over my brow, shielding my eyes from the lightened grey sky. "I'm hoping for shelter for the night, and I've come to seek an audience with the person in charge," I yelled back.

They asked me the typical questions that were asked when one tried to gain access to a District: my name; where did I come from; was I armed; did I have anything worth trading; how long I planned on staying? Everything seemed on the level, but my senses were running rampant throughout my body. Something was blatantly wrong with this whole set up.

When the gate opened wider, I stepped inside cautiously, my entire body alert and ready. The two men jumped down from above, more than a twenty-five foot drop, which didn't surprise me. I knew they were vampires. They were standing in front of me within seconds, and both hissed at me as they realized what I was. They grabbed me by the elbows, dragging me along with them and I didn't struggle. They weren't hostile. Their emotions told me they were more afraid than anything.

The District wasn't really a District. It was abandoned. I had expected to see more people. This was the only thing that made me question whether or not I had the right place. From the stories Abigail had described, it should be teeming with people inside these walls. The few scattered humans I saw wore heavy chains around their necks as they carried on with their duties, digging holes, chopping wood, and a few of them were tending to a small pitiful garden. There was no life in this place, no color. It was as vacant as the eyes of the humans who glanced my way. It was eerie, with the only sound being the wind howling through the cracks in the walls and the clinking of the chains.

Neither of the men who held me said anything to me. I could only assume they were taking me to whomever it was in charge. They kicked aside a metal corrugated sheet and shoved me through the opening. The stench of blood and death immediately intensified, and I choked a little.

"Wait here, _Jasper Whitlock_ ," one of the guards said, mocking my name. "I'll see if you're granted access." He took off his hat and sunglasses. Even in the dim light I could see the color of his eyes. It was obvious we did not share the same dietary restrictions.

I was left alone with the smaller of the two guards and he was fidgety. He couldn't stand still, so I did what I could to calm his nerves, and possibly get him to open up to me. So far, I hadn't had a need to panic, but with his growing agitation, it was hard to suppress an intense ominous feeling.

"What is this place?" I asked.

"Just shut up, okay? Don't talk. She doesn't like it when I let them talk." He spoke quickly, and his hands twitched as he pronounced each of the words.

He didn't seem right in the head. I was sure I could have fought him if I had wanted to leave this place, but it wasn't an option at this point. I had to see with my own eyes.

"What are you so afraid of?"

"I said no talking!" he screamed and kicked the corrugated metal sheet, denting it beyond repair. The sound echoed and vibrated off the walls.

I held my tongue, and instead eased his troubles as best I could. It was sometime before the other guard returned, and with him were two large vampires who definitely meant business. They waved me forward, pushing me down the dark, damp corridor. As we walked, the dirt floor started to slope downward, and I realized we were going underground. The sense of foreboding returned. This was all too familiar to me.

We walked for quite a while, the air dropping in temperature the further down we went. The walls seeped with moisture and it was dark, but torches lit the way every so often. We rounded a corner and I stopped in my tracks. There she was just as I had suspected, the tiny dark-haired woman who still looked like a girl, her porcelain face glowing in the soft light of the cavern. She smiled viciously.

"Jasper Whitlock." Her voice was as I remembered, soft and musical, but sharp all at once.

.

MARIA WAS A WICKED creature. She agreed to have an audience with me, her curiosity getting the better of her, but it was obvious she did not trust me. As she led me around the inner sanctum, I was filled with a myriad of emotion. It was beyond anything I could have imagined. The horrors buried beneath the ground, far outweighed any description of the realm of Hades I had read in any mythology book. 'Misty and gloomy abode of the dead, where all mortals go,' was quite possibly an understatement. The scattered belongings of human refuse covered the floor wherever we walked. This was years and years worth of belongings. _How long had she been doing this?_ There were vampires everywhere I looked; vampires of all shapes and sizes. And I had a strong feeling I wasn't seeing the full extent of what she had hidden down here. She was extremely careful to keep me away from certain areas, but that didn't mean I couldn't feel the horrific emotions that were screaming at me from every direction.

My entire body was itching to get out of here. I had seen and gathered enough information to share with the others, and now it was time to leave before my life was at risk. We had turned the corner of the inner chamber, and my plans of departing became all but a fleeting thought. _It isn't possible,_ was all I could say to keep myself from panicking. But my eyes were not deceiving me. I know what I felt. I know what I saw in that cage. _It isn't real._ I had to keep calm, but it was almost impossible, and as Maria continued to talk to me, I had to fight hard to keep listening. _I need a closer look._ Just one look, and all my doubt and fear would be satisfied. But Maria had seen through my façade. She saw the disgust written on my face and she saw the panic. It was going to take a lot more than just a visit to get her to trust me. There was no way I could leave now, not until I saw what was in that cage and I knew for certain that my eyes were not misleading me. It was like some morbid, cunning god of this underworld was toying with me, and now it was up to me to see the truth behind the deceit.

Maria ordered me back to her room, while she had 'other matters' to attend to. Her guards led me back along the dark tunnels, but only one stayed behind to watch over me. The same guard I had noticed earlier who had seemed to recognize the name 'Cullen.' He was tall, taller than me even, and his hair was long and tied back with a piece of leather. He would have been a little intimidating if it wasn't for his emotions. He was calm, almost at ease with me, but I also sensed his curiosity that was mixing with my own.

"Why does she stay down here?" I asked, trying to feel him out. He gave me a puzzling look as he felt the effects I could project.

"I know what you can do. I was warned about you." His voice wasn't hostile, just direct.

"Well, Maria and I have … _history_."

"She told me you were a major in the Civil War." He lowered his head in respect.

"I was before she took that life away from me," I said bitterly, hoping my honesty would mean something to him. "What about you? Did you fight?"

"Nah, not that war. I was a Patriot, though. War of Independence."

We stood in front of Maria's chamber across from one another, each of us eyeing up the other, soldier to soldier. It was a brief moment, but there was a new level of respect between the two of us.

"Garrett." He extended his hand.

I gripped it, shaking it firmly before adding, "Jasper."

He eyed me skeptically, before asking me another question. "I heard you mention the name 'Cullen.' Would that be Carlisle Cullen?"

My eyes narrowed as he said Carlisle's name. I wasn't sure if I could trust this man, but at the moment, I didn't have any other options. I could only hope he knew Carlisle and in some way it would be helpful to me.

"You know him?" I answered his question with a question. Neither of us was willing to give an inch in terms of trusting the other.

"I know of him, met him once or twice." He pursed his lips, nodding, hesitating for a second. "Good man."

"He is." I tested the atmosphere, deciding if I should press it further. "He's like a father to me," I said quietly, staring him directly in the eyes, waiting to see his reaction.

His nostrils flared, and his mouth formed a hard line. My confession had done the opposite to what I had hoped to achieve. It seemed to have angered him. But then he let out a deep sigh and relief washed over him. "You're one of them," he said to himself. A smile spread across his face, before the shock settled in. "But what are you doing _here_?"

A million questions popped into my head, and I tried to speak, but I couldn't form a coherent sentence.

Garrett apologized right away. "I'm sorry, I should have known just by looking at the color of your eyes, but I've been here so long, it's hard to know what's real and what isn't anymore."

"I know the feeling." Finally my brain and my mouth had caught up to each other. "Sorry, I'm still not following you. What did you mean by, 'You're one of them?'" I shook my head, trying to get both of our emotions under control. I let him drag me by the elbow into the Maria's chamber, away from prying eyes and ears.

"The coven. 'Vegetarian vampires' that call themselves a family. Carlisle's family," he said in hushed whispers.

"How do you know about us?" I asked with a slight edge to my voice.

"It doesn't matter, how I know. I just do."

"How do you know about us?" I said again, more forcefully this time.

"Listen, Tex, I don't have time to explain how I know about you. I just do. What I want to know is why the hell you're here? Why now? And where's the rest of your family?" He said the words quickly, through clenched teeth.

"You think I'm going to tell you anything about my family?" I was directly in his face. "You need to answer my questions first."

"I don't have to do anything. Unless you've forgotten, you're not here freely. None of us are." He turned to walk away, but I grabbed him shoving him up against the wall.

"Who's in that cage?" I demanded. The shock and anger that was registering in my system from him, was not something I was prepared for. His fierce determination to protect something or someone rang crystal clear through my system.

"Tell me," I growled.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. I told you, Jasper, your inability to control yourself is extremely disappointing." Maria's snide voice echoed off the walls. "What's this all about?" she snapped at Garrett.

He bowed his head like a servant. "Nothing, Maria. I was explaining the rules down here, nothing more." He looked over at me; his face was void of all emotion.

She was silent as she eyed us up knowing full well we were hiding something. "Leave us," she commanded, ordering Garrett out of the room.

"Jasper, really, you won't make any friends this way." Her voice was cat-like, almost like a purr. "If you want to stay here with us, you're going to have to learn some manners." She laughed, walking closer to me. She trailed her finger down my chest like she had earlier. "If you are back for good, I expect _all_ of you back." I felt her lust burning through me, and I couldn't help but turn my head, sickened at the thought of her that way.

She threw her head back, and laughed wickedly. "You are going to have to do better than that to convince me you want to stay here."

I knew exactly what she was implying and my stomach roiled at the thought of her in the way she wanted. We had shared a bed long, long ago, but that man didn't exist anymore. For the first time in decades, I almost wished he did. I would need him if I was going to get through this alive and back to my family, back to Alice. _Alice._ I couldn't afford to think of her down here. It would drive me to madness. I had to push them all away and dig to the deepest parts of my soul for what I had long buried all those years ago. I could do this. I _would_ do this for them.

"Maria, I'm here anyway you would like me." I gave her a wry smile, hoping I was convincing enough. I pulled her to me, my mouth inches away from her own. "I'm here to stay."

She licked her lips, her tongue darting dangerously close to my skin. She held us there for what seemed like minutes, and all I could do was hold my breath, so I wasn't disgusted by the smell of her.

She leaned back, examining my expression, and then without warning she shoved me with both hands as hard as she could. I hit the wall with a crack echoing around the cave. A cackle escaped her lips.

"You really think I would accept you back into my bed just like that?" she taunted. "Greater men have begged me for the chance. You'll be no different." She flipped her hair behind her shoulders. "You have to _earn_ a spot in my bed, Jasper, and from what I've seen, it'll be a while before you get that honor. I'm disappointed in you. You're not the man I fought alongside years ago. I see you. You're weak. That little bitch softened you. I bet you haven't even been in a fight since you left me." She laughed maniacally and held her hands up in the air. "The great Jasper Whitlock a lover now, not a fighter." She lowered her arms to her side and spat venom on the ground next to my feet. "That's what I think of that. I don't _need_ lovers. I can find plenty of those. I need fighters! And believe me … you'll fight, Jasper."

I had to get control of my emotions, I wasn't exactly afraid of her, I was afraid of what I might become while I was around her. It was true, the only fight I had been in since I left her all those years ago was with James, and there were five of us to take on that one vampire. I was confident in my abilities as a fighter, but there was something not right about this whole scene. There was more to it than she had allowed me to see. My only hope was to get the 'lay of the land' so to speak, and find out all I could. That was the only way I was going to make it out of here. I needed to placate her in every sense. I didn't know how far I was willing to go. It would depend on what was in that cage. Everything was dependent on that. If I was right, I would probably do just about anything to make it out of here alive.

"Are you going to take me on a proper tour? I figure if this is going to be my new home, I deserve to see what's here." I grinned at her, using all the charm I could muster, trying to influence her to say yes.

She eyed me warily. "No. You need to meet someone first," she said curtly. "I want to see something. Well, test more like."

My stomach flipped a little, hoping she was taking me where I so desperately wanted to go. I pushed down all the sensations I was feeling. She was right in one regard, I was having a difficult time controlling my ability, and I needed to get a better grip on things if I was going to be useful at all. I hadn't experienced this range of emotion in years, and it was like I was learning things all over again.

"Whatever you wish, Maria. So who is it you want me to meet?"

"You'll see soon enough. And then I'll know where your place is with me once you meet her."

 _Her. This is it._ I masked all my anxieties and kept the emotion from my face. I knew once I saw her, it would be impossible to hide what I was feeling. I wondered if she would recognize me.

"Come with me," Maria said almost singing, waggling her finger at me as if I was her dog.

I held back the disgust I was feeling toward her, and tilted my head in acknowledgement. We walked to the right this time, away from the area where the cage was. Maybe they had moved her. The corridor was dark, but there were random light bulbs strung up along the ceiling of the tunnel. It was damp, and the smell of blood intensified the further along we went. My body was singing to me, fixating on the smell of human blood. I had to hold my breath to control the desire. This was going to be a true testament as to how far I had come in the last ten years. I had not tasted human blood or had a need for it since the bunker. Edward and Emmett had sacrificed the two humans for me, and I couldn't bring myself to taste another since.

We turned the corner which opened into a larger area. I quickly shut my eyes, turning my head away from the scene. My stomach clenched as I continued to hold my breath. I reached for the wall to steady myself.

"What's wrong, Jasper?" Maria asked mocking my reaction. This was just another test, but I hadn't prepared myself for this. "You know, there was a time when you wanted this." She spread her hands out in front of her.

"I _never_ would have wanted _this,_ " I responded through gritted teeth.

"Oh, that's right," she said in a child-like voice. "You always were too sensitive. Especially when it came to human emotions."

I straightened the hem of my shirt. It was the only thing I could do to distract myself from trying to take a deep breath. I would be done if I did that. The most I could afford to do was breathe through my mouth so I could talk if I needed to, but his meant I would taste the scent on my tongue.

The room was lit by one small light bulb in the far corner, but I didn't need the light to see what was in here. There were about a dozen humans of all races chained up half-naked along the walls. I could see some of them were dead or close to dead as they hung limply from their chains. Their eyes empty, their souls long since departed from their bodies. My eyes drifted past them, their grief and pain reminding me too much of a past I had left behind. I could feel it taking over, just like before. I struggled to gain control; I couldn't let it overtake me, not again, not here.

I focused on the middle of the room. There was a platform like structure, with something resembling a bed built on top of it. It was laden with some type of coverings, but I couldn't make out what they were, but my interest waned as soon as I laid eyes on what was sitting in the middle of them.

"Jasper, this is my Emilia. Emilia, this is Jasper." Maria's energy was buzzing around her. She was overjoyed with it all. "Isn't she simply wonderful!" She wriggled her eyebrows at me.

The vampire raised her head my way, her eyes shone bright as rubies. She was a devil-child, one of the immortal children, no more than seven years old. Her appearance was pristine, a complete contrast to what was around her and in this wretched room. She had shiny, blonde hair that lay flat on her back almost to her waist; it almost seemed to glow in the dim light. It was held back from her face by a satin ribbon which matched the color of her eyes. She was wearing a simple yellow dress and apart from a few droplets of blood that spilled down the front, it was crisp and clean.

I watched in horror as she braided the hair of a fully grown female vampire who sat in front of her. It was one of the most natural acts to witness, in the most unnatural settings. My stomach churned as I tried to comprehend what this meant.

_An immortal child._

"What have you done?" I turned to Maria, my anger building. "They are _forbidden!"_

"Jasper, you need to loosen up. Emilia is gifted. She's my child." She said it simply, with no apparent concern. "I already told you, there's no one to stop me anymore." She walked toward the child, and stroked her hair, letting it fall through her fingers. "Emilia, I want you to show Jasper what you can do." She smiled sweetly at her.

The child looked up at me and hissed. I was caught unawares and jumped back a little, fully not expecting that reaction from her. The devil-child giggled at my actions, and the two women joined in.

"Oh, Jasper, that is rich. You really have gotten soft over the years." Maria shook her head. "Emilia? Show him."

"No," she pouted.

Maria grabbed the child's hair and yanked it backwards.

"Do it," she said irritably. "I want to see if it works on him." Their eyes were locked, neither one of them giving in. Eventually the child turned her eyes on me.

I had no idea what this vile abomination could do, but I could only guess it wasn't going to be pleasant. I started to feel apprehensive with what she had planned. The horror and anger in the room, mixed with the grief and despair of the humans, was not a good combination for me. I didn't know how far my limits were anymore, but I was quickly being overwhelmed by all the emotion in the room. I grabbed for the wall again, using all my energy to hold on to myself. The pressure was building. I was just about to leave the room when it all stopped. Everything had stopped. It was like all the extra emotion had been drained away, and the only thing left was my own anxiety. I stood up straight, looking back and forth between Maria and that 'thing' in the middle of the room.

"Well, did it work?" she demanded, waiting for my reaction.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Emilia? Or what she can do?" She laughed at her own joke. I didn't respond, but fixed my eyes on hers instead. "I don't know how or what she does," she said flippantly. "All I know is any vamp in her vicinity loses their extra abilities when she turns on her juice. So it's working then?"

"Yes, it's working. What happens to the powers? How long can she keep it up for? Can she—"

"Uh-uh, Jasper." Maria held up a finger. "You have to earn the privilege to ask questions."

.

MARIA LED ME BACK to her chamber, and I was actually grateful to her for taking me away from the repugnant madness at the end of the corridor. Maria had created an immortal child. She truly had gone mad. Her desire for power was sickening. That child was an abomination, forever stuck at the age of seven; always treated as a child. Never growing, never learning.

I wondered how long Maria had been recruiting. From the looks of this place, it would have been years, possibly even before the bombs. She would be building an army unlike anything I had ever witnessed. If this was only the surface, I didn't want to know what lay in the underbelly of this place. I started to second guess my reason for being here. My eyes had surely played tricks on me. She couldn't possibly be involved in this. What if she was a willing participant? How would I tell the others? I had to leave. It was that simple. I couldn't stay here a moment longer. I needed to get out of here and take the family far away so we could stay untouched from the horrors of what Maria was planning.

I stepped through the door, and collided with the tall soldier I had met earlier.

"Whoa there, Tex. Where do you think you're going?" He grabbed me by the shoulders, looking down at me.

"I need to get out of here. I can't stay here." I removed his hands, and tried to step by him but he blocked my way.

"So you're just going to run again?" Garrett shook his head. "I should've known." I looked up at him, confused by his statement. He simply stepped aside, and said, "Go then. I won't stop you." His face was sad, and it felt like I had dashed some sort of hope he might have been feeling. He thought I was a coward.

"I don't understand. Why do you care if I leave?"

"I don't."

"You do, I can feel it."

He glared down at me. "We don't need you."

"Who's we?" I was feeling his trepidation as I continued to press him. "I know it's not Maria. So who is _we_?"

"Forget it. You were running out that door, so don't let me stop you."

"There was a girl in a cage…" I let my voice trail off.

He took a step back. His face was filled with shock momentarily before it turned to steel. "There's no girl."

"It was a girl. I saw her," I said with as much compassion as I could gather.

"What's it to you anyway?" he challenged, stepping back toward me.

"She looked like someone I knew from a long time ago."

"You don't want to go there, Tex."

"Someone I care about greatly needs to know. I need answers."

"Walk away, man. Cause I'm not letting you near that cage." I could feel his anger and in turn it raised my own.

"Who's in the cage?" I grabbed desperately at his shirt. "I've people who need to know."

"You don't deserve to know."

I let him go and dropped my head. "You're right. I don't deserve to know, but others do. Please, tell me," I said, my voice defeated and full of grief.

He sighed deeply, and I felt his acceptance as he finally agreed to tell me. "To most of us around here, we call her Phoenix, but you," he tilted his head, "well, you probably know her as Bella Swan."


	22. Patience is Bitter, But Its Reward is Sweet

**CHAPTER 21**

**-:- Patience is Bitter, But Its Reward is Sweet -:-**

* * *

**2016 -:- Memories of Jasper's Past**

Three weeks had gone by, and I was still stuck in this godforsaken place. It was a long time, when one didn't sleep, and didn't get to see the sun to know the days were passing. It felt like an endless night with no hope of dawn breaking. In all that time, I was never left alone. Always with Maria, or one of her guards, she still didn't trust me to walk about on my own and kept me to certain areas.

I still had not laid eyes on Bella.

She seemed like an enigma now. Three weeks ago there was hope when Garrett had told me she existed. But now, it was hard to believe anything was real. We had been abruptly interrupted, and all of my chances of finding out more about Bella had vanished. Garrett warned me not to get sucked into the void of this place. He said it would be easy for me, given my ability, and I needed to fight the emptiness.

It was a struggle every day.

I didn't get to see Garrett all that much either. Maria sensed our kinship, so he was designated as my guard only when there was someone else with him. This hindered our discussions greatly. He managed to tell me that 'Phoenix' had been moved from the cage and taken somewhere else. It wasn't uncommon, as the cage wasn't exactly used to restrain her, for one thing, it couldn't. Any vampire could break the bars and leave the confines of it. It was more of a metaphorical cage, reminding the other vampires that Bella was different. Maria was right in what she had said earlier, Bella did not 'play well with others' and the cage kept her separated from them.

I hadn't been able to get the full story from Garrett, only bits and pieces that I had been putting together. Garrett and Bella had been here for over eight years. How they got here, I still didn't know. I couldn't imagine anyone being down here for that long. I didn't know how it wouldn't have changed someone, and that was my biggest fear. Knowing the way Maria operated, I assumed they couldn't exactly leave a place like this, or leave Maria without some repercussions. She never willingly let anyone go.

I hadn't seen the devil-child since that first day, but there was always a constant parade of humans who were marched down to her corridor. I never knew where they came from, and from the looks of them, they had been down here long enough. They looked as though they would welcome death. Three weeks of this and I was struggling. Bella had been here eight years.

The days were long, and fairly uneventful. I had been introduced to many other vampires, and their faces showed recognition when Maria told them who I was. It was Maria's wish that I resume my old duties. She told me she had a whole crop of newborns who needed to be trained. In my current weakened state, I knew I was going to have to feed soon if I'd be working with the strength of newborns. Maria offered daily to "fix" me something, but every day I declined. It was getting more difficult to resist, especially with the smell of fresh blood always in the air. I had taken to the rats, but it was never enough.

As I leaned against the wall, warily watching, I could feel the other vampires' eyes on me. They definitely knew about me and my past reputation. Maria must have warned them to keep their hands off me, because they kept their distance, even though I could feel their malice. Some of the older vampires were waiting patiently for their chance at me. Hopefully, that would never happen. They fought without mercy, and most times it was to the death. I didn't understand why Maria would let that happen, unless she was sure of her numbers for her army and was trying to weed out the weak anyway she knew how. It wasn't that far of a stretch, we had done it in the past, but only in the most extreme of circumstances. It was difficult to train a newborn, but she acted as if they were disposable.

"Making friends, Jasper?" I heard Maria's spiteful voice behind me.

"As always," I said, pushing away from the wall, turning to face her.

It was our custom to eye the other up before we continued our conversation. I tried to dispel her trepidation to trust me, and she tried to see through my façade.

"See any potentials?" she asked, still curious about my motivation for being here.

"A few," I nodded, "but I still don't see what this is all for. You have more vampires than you've ever had." I waved my hand at the dozen or so vampires who were gathered in the area still trying to best one another. There were men and women, and there was no discrimination as to who would fight whom. From what I could tell, none of them had any extra abilities. These were 'grunts,' as we used to call them.

"They can fight," I said. "But why do you let them destroy each other? Surely you could still use them?"

She laughed at my comment, patting my chest. "These?" She pointed to where I was looking. "These are nothing. Insignificant. I don't care what they do. The ones that live?" She clapped her hands, giving them a victory applaud. "Good for them. They can join my army. These are just foot soldiers, or what you would call infantry. I don't care what happens to them." She shrugged her shoulders, feigning indifference. "It's the _cavalry_ that I care about." Her eyes gleamed with excitement.

On the outside, I made sure to mask my expression. I desperately tried to keep my emotions at bay, but inside, my senses were aflame, burning away, knowing that she had more sinister plans that I had yet dared to imagine.

"The _cavalry_ ," I said, repeating her word.

"Yes, well we'll get to that. I came to find you because Emilia is bored, and we must keep her entertained. Or, I want _you_ to keep her entertained." She traced her finger down my chest, and rested her hand on my hip. "I get the feeling you two don't like each other very much. And that makes me very, very upset," she said pouting, pulling me closer to her. She stared into my eyes, and there was a hint of vindictiveness in her gaze. "And you don't want to make me upset, do you, Jasper?"

The idea of spending anytime with that child sickened me to the core. I couldn't imagine what her "boredom" consisted of. "What would you have me do?" I said reluctantly.

"I want you two to bond, is that so much to ask? You're going to be spending a lot of time with each other, and I can't have this animosity. It'll never work." Her voice was condescending and it was getting under my skin, just as I am sure she intended. "You'll spend the day with Emilia and Flora. Garrett will accompany you." I turned to see Garrett behind me, but he didn't acknowledge me, instead he stared straight ahead as if my presence meant nothing to him even though I could feel his contrasting emotions. He was definitely uneasy about something.

"If that will make you happy, then I'll be happy to oblige." I bowed my head at her.

"Go with Garrett, and I'll see you later." She smiled, but I saw the deceit in her eyes. She had something planned, and I knew damn well I wasn't going to like it.

.

AS WE WALKED DOWN the corridor, I waited for the right opportunity to ask my questions. We were constantly under watch, guards were everywhere, but I couldn't wait any longer.

"What does she have planned?" I asked, not really sure if I meant Maria, or Emilia.

He took a deep breath, a natural reaction to his hesitation. "It depends. The child gets anything she wants. _Anything_ , and if it's what I think, you're not ready." He kept walking, while I paused. He turned back to me, his expression deep in thought. "Have you fed recently?" he asked in a somber tone.

I shook my head. "Nothing significant, but I'll be fine. I'll need to get to the surface soon to hunt, but I'll be okay."

He shook his head, disagreeing with me. "No, that'll never do. If I know Maria, and I do, this is another test to her. You're still walking a fine line with her, Tex, and if you don't wish to, ah … what would be the word … slip?" He raised his eyebrows, smirking a little. "You'll need to feed."

"I'll be fine," I responded in a clipped voice.

"Look, I'm not trying to be rude, but I know you have troubles with restraint. One drop of blood—"

"I'm not that person anymore," I said quietly. He knew. So, Bella did remember. Even if it was a painful memory, it was a little piece of hope that I could hold on to.

He eyed me suspiciously, and I could feel his doubt. "Well, that much I do know, but it still doesn't mean you're ready. I can bring someone up, someone who's on their last legs, so to speak. It won't make much difference. It's what we do to get by."

"I won't go down that road again." I looked down at my boots, because I couldn't look at his eyes. The pity I was feeling from him was enough. We stood in the corridor, both not saying anything. I knew he was thinking hard about other options. I still had not adjusted to what I had been exposed to so far, so if he was that worried about my control, I didn't even want to think about where we were going.

"Okay," he eventually spoke, "what about cats? Maria keeps a few cats down by the cages to keep the rats away from the prospects. Will they do?"

"What cages?" I asked confused. "Is Bella there?" I raised my head, pleading with my eyes, forgetting about everything else.

He shook his head. "No. She's not."

"Where is she? Does she know I'm here?" I could finally ask the questions I had been desperate to ask him now that we were alone.

"Listen, that's not our priority right now. I know you want to see her, but we can't risk it. You'll get us all killed. Our priority is getting you to a point where you aren't going to go all blood thirsty on us. Got it? We don't have time for anything else right now."

I glanced around to see that eyes and ears were all upon us as we continued to walk. The guards were everywhere, or as Garrett called them, Maria's spies. These were vampires that were loyal to her and undoubtedly were watching me and reporting anything that seemed suspicious.

"I'll take you down to the cages, but we have to hurry. It's only a little side trip, so don't get any ideas. Got it?" He grabbed me by the elbow, guiding me toward another tunnel. There was a dark-skinned guard posted in front of it who looked extremely bored. He was just a little guy, but from the set in Garrett's shoulders, I could tell this was someone not to be messed with.

"Wattagwan, Gar-rut? A who dat?" His accent was thick, somewhere from the Islands, and it was hard to understand him.

"Just heading down to the cages before we see Emilia. Have to show the new guy his way around." Garrett pointed a thumb at me as he gave the little vampire a closed-mouth grin.

He was dubious, so I did my best to work my magic on him, and even Garrett felt the effects as I caught his eye for a brief moment.

"Galang bout yuh business." He moved aside, and let us pass.

Garrett gave me a look as if to tell me to keep my mouth shut as we walked down the darkened tunnel. We had been walking for a few minutes before he finally spoke up. "Some party-trick you have there. Comes in handy I suppose?"

Agreeing, I asked who the little vampire was.

" _That_ ," he said, "is one vampire you do not want to cross. He's not loyal to Maria, he's not real loyal to anyone, and that's the problem. He'll sell you out in the blink of an eye. Isaac's a tricky bugger and looks out for himself above everything else."

"So why's he here, then? And why does Maria keep him?"

"You said you were in the South right after the bombs, right?" I nodded in agreement. "After you and your people went back up North, it got pretty savage around here, human and vampire alike. The horrors of what happened eventually sunk in, and two years later, the fight for oil began. You did what you could to get by. Joining up with Maria is sometimes the only option if you want to live. And Isaac, well to him, he's got an all you can eat buffet with Maria. And Maria, well, she has a real voodoo priest in the form of a vampire." He grinned.

I raised my eyebrows skeptically. "You don't believe that, do you?" I laughed.

"Nah, not really, but that boy's got something in that head of his. Makes you see things that aren't really there. Plays on your fears, kind of thing."

"Right," I said mockingly.

"I'm just saying …" he laughed again, "if you're afraid of spiders, he'll make you think hundreds of them are crawling on your skin. It's all pretty harmless stuff, but it'll do a number on your head." He shuddered, rubbing his arms as if the spiders were actually crawling on him.

We'd been walking for a while. I still couldn't believe the depths of some of these tunnels. Garrett had said they had been digging for years to create this cave system, and they were still digging. This tunnel was not lit by the familiar string of lights like the others. It was completely dark and even with our heightened eyesight, it was difficult to see.

"It stops the humans from escaping," Garrett explained. "And with Isaac at the tunnel entrance, he can pretty much play on their fears."

We were following the scent of blood and it guided our way toward a soft and faint glow of light up ahead. It looked like candlelight, and my assumption was confirmed as we entered into another open cavernous room. The smell was unimaginable. Emilia's chamber was strong and filled with death, but this was much worse if at all possible.

There was a line of cages, about twenty, stacked three high all in a row. Not all of them were filled, but the ones that were, each held one human, men and women alike. They were kept like animals, and I was feeling such a mixture of emotions from each of them. Some were terrified and desperate, while some felt empowered and angry. There were a few that stalked back and forth, almost like dangerous beasts that needed to be kept behind the bars. I took a closer look, and realized that is exactly what some of them were. They were blood thirsty animals.

As we walked past the cages, it was impossible not to look at each of their faces. There was such a broad spectrum. Some whimpered and pleaded for help, some yelled obscenities at us, while others seemed to roar in triumph.

"What the _hell_ is this?" I couldn't keep the shock and horror from my voice.

"These … are Maria's prospects," he said sullenly.

"What does that mean?"

"These are potential newborns for her army. These are the survivors, or extreme fighters, whichever way you choose to call them."

"I-I don't understand." I stopped walking placing my hands over my face, trying to scrub the images, and get control of my emotions. "She's mad," I said quietly to myself, over and over again. What was I doing here? In four short weeks I had entered a different realm. Four weeks ago, I was back with my family, back with Alice, and possibly starting a new life. It all seemed like a distant memory.

"You have to distance yourself, man. I know it must be working triple over-time on your system, but you have to put it aside." He placed his hand on my shoulder. "They're just faces. There was a time when you knew what that was like. Remember that."

He was right. There was a time that I thought nothing of humans, nothing more than a meal. That was before I met Alice. Her words echoed in my head. _That's someone's mother, sister, child._ I pushed her voice back in the corner recesses of my mind. I had to get it together. If this is what Maria had in store, she had to be stopped before she spread like a virus across what was left of this continent. I had to get out of here.

I continued walking, trying not to look, but I was compelled to see each one of their faces. They were just random people, no one I had any ties to. I shouldn't care, and I tried not to, until my eyes rested on familiar features. I stopped in my tracks, and narrowed my eyes at the man in front of me. He stood at the bars, gripping them tightly staring at me with a defiance and hatred in his eyes. I knew those eyes. I had seen them only weeks ago, but a much younger version.

"Jonathan," I felt myself whisper.

The look of surprise that crossed his face was nothing compared to the feelings that emulated from him. I stepped closer, and he jumped backward.

"Jonathan Campbell?" I asked quietly, recognizing his face from the small picture Abigail had shown me of her husband.

His eyebrows knitted together and I felt his confusion. "How do you know my name?" He stepped back again, unsure of what I could want with him.

"I know your wife, and child," I said as gently as I could, reaching up to the bars.

A look of agony crossed his face as he dropped to his knees, crying out in disbelief. "You bastards! What did you do to them!" he yelled, his eyes wild with hate and dread. "She promised!"

"They're safe." I held up my hands, sending him a wave of calm. "They're safe. I promise. I left them three weeks ago. I'm a friend."

He stopped his cries and looked at me quizzically. "Right," he scoffed, "and you expect me to believe that."

"You've a fine boy … Christopher." I waited for him to feel the effects of my abilities before continuing. "I'd say he listens to a few too many ghost stories, though." I laughed a little trying to ease the tension.

"Noah," he said quietly.

"Yeah," I chuckled. "He mentioned him."

He shook his head, and I could feel his terror as he thought about them. "Are you telling me the truth?" he pleaded. "They're safe, they're not here?"

"They're not here," I confirmed. "I shared their fire. Your wife was awfully kind to me. I hoped to return her kindness and promised I'd look for you."

"But how? I don't under—"

"I'm different than the others. I don't follow their ways." I turned to Garrett. "We have to get him out of here. We have to—"

"Now hold up. This ain't some rescue, Tex. It's not possible. You know how Maria operates, these people were chosen for a reason."

I stepped back, taking a look at all the cages, almost sixty of them. That was a lot of humans, a lot of prospects. I knew Maria always looked for humans with potential when she chose to turn someone, but I didn't understand how she could know so much about these humans.

" _All_ of these people are going to be turned?"

"The ones that survive," Garrett stated gravely.

"Clarify this for me. Make it simple here."

He sighed and reluctantly started to tell me Maria's plans. "She pits them against each other. They fight until they die, basically. The strong ones, she wants as her newborns, the weak ones are weeded out. She's creating the ultimate blood-thirsty fighter."

My stomach clenched, but I steadied myself as my anger took over. "Has she turned any of these 'fighters' yet?"

"A few, as experiments. She considered it a success, so she's waiting until the time is right to turn the rest so they'll be at their strongest for when she needs them."

"The cavalry," I whispered Maria's term, and he nodded his head sadly in confirmation.

I placed my hands on my head and started pacing, scuffing my heels along the rock. "This is madness," I said in disbelief, and then a thought occurred to me. "But how can she control them? I could barely control the emotions of the newborns over a hundred years ago, and they were nothing compared to this."

Garrett looked away from me, and I quickly moved so I was directly in front of him, grabbing his arm. "Tell me, I can feel your reluctance." I squeezed his arm, as I gritted my teeth. "No more secrets."

"Well, now, that's where Miss Phoenix comes into play." He shrugged his arm from my grip, and lifted his chin boldly. I didn't know what to say, so he continued. "She can control them, or block them. The weak minded can't seem to compete with her powers. These newborns are so blood-thirsty, they have a one-track mind, and she can stop them from turning on each other. She can walk into the midst of the fighting, and no one can touch her. They can't move unless she lets them."

"Bella? _She_ can do this? She's helping Maria?" I asked in disbelief, my heart sinking at the thought.

He turned on me so fast, and the next thing I knew I was slammed up against the wall.

"Don't you judge her," he said through clenched teeth. "We've never had a choice. We do things to _survive_. You think any of this is easy for her? You have no _right!_ " He shoved me again, his teeth dangerously close to my neck.

"I'm sorry." It was the only thing I could say and he held me there for a moment before releasing me. "You're right. I'm in no position to judge. But if Bella can control people why haven't you left?"

"It's not like that. She can control people when they're at their weakest. It doesn't work on you or me, or Maria for that matter. And you've seen what that devil-child can do. Mentally, Bella's strong, but physically she's weak. She refuses to eat, only when she has to, and only the sick or dying. Throw Emilia into the mix, and she's extremely vulnerable." I could tell by his voice he truly cared for Bella. His emotions were that of love, and I felt a pang of loss as to what that could possibly mean. I couldn't bring myself to ask the question though.

"And I can't prove it," he let out a frustrated sigh, putting his hands in his pockets, "but I'm pretty sure Maria's using me as leverage."

"I'm not sure I follow."

"Bella could have left a long time ago, she stays for me." He turned back to me with a sober expression in his eyes. "When we stumbled upon Maria all those years ago, she was going to have Bella destroyed. We didn't know of her capability back then. I knew there was something, but it just hadn't developed yet. To Maria, she was nothing but a weak vampire who brought nothing to the table for her. I pledged myself to Maria, on one condition …"

"That she spare Bella's life," I finished for him.

He simply nodded and continued. "As the years went on, I worked with Bella, trying to get her to tap into that side I knew was there. Eventually the tables turned, and it was Bella that Maria coveted, and I can only guess Maria's threatened Bella with my life if she were to leave. So she stays, despite all my protests, she stays for me." His voice cracked a little on the end and he raised his hands and placed them on the back of his neck.

"But you could both go, couldn't you?"

"I'm sure you can understand, but I'm a man of my word. I'm stuck here, and now that Emilia's here, she's stuck too. We missed our chance," he said.

"We're getting out of here," I spoke with certainty. " _All_ of us." I grabbed him by the shoulders. "You understand me? All of us. You might have made a pledge to Maria, but you made a promise to protect Bella first, right?" He nodded. "Well, it's settled. We get out of here, head up north to my family."

"She'll never go for it. I haven't even told her you're here."

"What?" I breathed out, astonished that he'd chosen to keep this from her.

"Look. I've been with her for ten years. I've been through it all, right from the start. I know _everything._ I know what your family cost her. And I wasn't about to send her down another tailspin after all these years, especially when I didn't know where you stood in all this. She's _my_ family, and I'll protect her from you and anyone else that wants to harm her and that includes any member of _your_ family." He was seething, breathing heavily, strictly because of his anger.

"It was never like that," I said quietly. "You don't know the whole story, and neither does she."

"I know enough." He walked away from me, ending the conversation. I watched as he hastily grabbed what looked like a small animal. He was in front of me in an instant, holding a large feral cat next to my face. "This is what we came for," he thrust it closer, "so drink."

I reluctantly reached for the cat, and drank greedily. It wasn't satisfying at all, but it was better than the rats, and it would hopefully help for whatever was planned with Emilia. I walked back over to Jonathan, and rested my hands on the bars.

"I will do whatever it takes to get you out and get you back to your family. That's a promise." I could tell he didn't take too much stock in my words, and all I could do was keep that promise to prove otherwise.

"Let's go. We've been down here too long as it is." Garrett started walking back the way we came.

"I promise. I'll get you to your family," I said one last time to Jonathan and ran to catch up to Garrett.

"You'd do better not making promises you can't keep." He said it simply, just a statement of warning to me.

"I'll get him out."

"We're going to have enough trouble without adding Maria's champion to the mix."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"That human," he said, "is one of Maria's favorites. He's a boxer, a scrappy little fellow." He said it with such indifference, it was hard to believe we were on the same side. "You'll see what I mean." It was the last thing he said to me as we walked the rest of the way to Emilia's chamber.

I understood now, what Garrett meant about Emilia. Whatever Emilia wanted, Emilia got. She didn't say much, but she had her own little entourage that seemed to know exactly what she needed. They catered to her every whim, no matter how absurd it was. I tested my abilities on her, trying to sway her emotions. All it did was anger her and as she held the hollowed out head of a doll, she hissed at me again, while the others looked on with great amusement.

We were being escorted down another new corridor I had never even known existed. I no longer knew which tunnel actually led to the surface, and I'm sure that was Maria's intentions. This tunnel, however, was lit, and the walls were covered with letters and symbols and from the smell of it, they were all drawn in blood.

I couldn't take my eyes off the walls, and Garrett leaned over to whisper in my ear. "The victors." It was all he said, he didn't explain any further. My curiosity was still not satisfied. I heard a thunderous noise up ahead. It sounded like cheers and shouts coming from a large crowd. The excitement in the air was almost exhilarating and it was contagious. For once I was actually feeling happy, which was a terrifying thought.

We walked out onto a platform and the sound amplified until it felt as though the walls were vibrating. Emilia stepped forward to the edge, and again, the crowd's cries intensified. I leaned forward to get a better look at what was below. I swayed when I saw the scene and two hands pulled me back.

"Easy, Tex," Garrett said.

There were hundreds of vampires below us standing around a large cage-like structure. We were in a giant limestone cave. There were stalactites hanging from the ceiling, some of them large enough to reach down and touch a corresponding stalagmite. They created a natural column in the middle of the cavern. There were four of them, and in between each, metal bars had been erected. With astonishment, I realized it was an arena. I looked to Garrett for confirmation and he simply nodded. It was quite an amazing site to see, and I would have been impressed if I hadn't known what it was for. I kept my mouth shut, fearing the worst. I had put all the pieces of the puzzle together, and my stomach roiled knowing what I was about to witness. Sure enough, the cage door opened, and I could see someone struggling below. The shouts and laughter increased while something or someone was being dragged through the crowd. A man was shoved inside the cage and he went sprawling on his hands and knees. I closed my eyes in dread. I felt his fear. It was the only thing that separated his emotions from the others.

"Don't," Garrett whispered. "You can't help him." I opened my eyes to see Jonathan standing in the middle of the cage, his chest heaving as he tried to gather his courage. Our eyes met, and the sense of betrayal was evident in his eyes. I didn't look away though. I owed him that much. I needed him to know he had a friendly face in the crowd. We stayed that way for what seemed like minutes before more cheers and shouts erupted from the crowd. I turned to see what the commotion was. It looked like Jonathan's opponent was making his way through the mob. I strained my neck to get a closer look, and my jaw dropped.

A giant of a man with a clean-shaven head, and muscles sprouting up from everywhere, was making his way through the vampires. They made a path for him, and patted him on his back as he walked by. This monstrosity was larger than Emmett, and at least twice the size of Jonathan. He walked into the cage, and the gate slammed shut with a large clanging sound. The crowd cheered in response. The huge man raised his arms acknowledging the horde of vampires; apparently he was a favorite. He beat his fists on his bare chest and let out a huge roar. Pointing a finger at Jonathan, he laughed, and the crowd laughed along with him as he made a gesture indicating how tiny Jonathan was.

"This is my favorite part." Emilia clapped her hands.

The mammoth sought her out in the crowd and smiled when he laid eyes on her. He walked up to the bars on the cage, grasping them tightly, he slammed his forehead against the bars and blood trickled down the side of his face. He wiped the blood with the palm of his hand and his tongue flickered out as he licked it clean. The vampires in the cavern went wild, and a few of them rushed the cage, only to be kept back by Maria's guards stationed all around it.

Jonathan's eyes opened wide with terror, and I gave him a reassuring nod as our eyes made contact again.

"We have to get him out of there," I pleaded to Garrett.

"That'll never happen, not unless you want to die along with him."

"Maria can't be serious! He'll never survive going up against –against _that_!" I pointed at the giant who had now climbed up on the bars and was trying to garner more cheers from the crowd. "What is that?"

" _That_ is the reigning champion. He's been here for over two years now. He fights for Emilia. She picks the battles, and Maria's 'little champion,'" he pointed to Jonathan, "is her next target. Normally, Maria wouldn't agree to pit someone so new against him, especially someone with that much potential, but Emilia's been particularly troublesome ever since you showed up. This is Maria's way of making amends."

"So they're going to fight each other?" He nodded in confirmation. "What does the winner get?"

"They're not dead."

Dread swept over my body as I realized what he was telling me. The match was to the death. I let my instincts take over, and I tried to push past Garrett to jump over the barrier separating our party from the rest of the vampires below. His arm shot out to stop me.

"What do you think you're doing, man? I told you we can't help him. It'll all be for nothing if you go down there."

"I promised him …"

"And I told you it was a wasted cause. These humans are nothing. You'll do better to realize that. They're dead the second they're brought down here. I'm sorry if you can't accept that, but it's the harsh reality of this place. We are two amongst hundreds. _Hundreds,_ Jasper, and if you want to get home to that pretty, little wife of yours, you best remember that." His grip was tight on my arm, and his voice was low enough that no one could hear us. "You get those emotions under control, because I can feel everything you're projecting, and you can sure as hell bet Emilia is too. Everyone is watching you."

I looked down at Jonathan, who was staring back up at us. He was backed up against the far corner of the cage and I had to turn away. I couldn't bear to watch as his fear took over.

"I want them to start," Emilia whined, and just as she said the words, a bell rang out from across the cavern.

The giant roared and went after Jonathan with both hands outstretched as if he was chasing a rabbit. "You're next!" he yelled. He had wiped the blood that had seeped from his forehead all over his face. It looked like some ritualistic war paint, and only made him look more menacing. He continued to bellow as he chased Jonathan around the cage. His gait was cumbersome, and Jonathan was quick to avoid his moves.

Jonathan had a boxer's stance, he clearly had some training, and while he danced on his toes around his attacker, the crowd applauded him for his efforts. I didn't know how long he could keep it up though before one of those massive fists connected with Jonathan's head.

He managed to keep dodging and every so often landed a punch on the backside of Emilia's champion, but they did nothing to slow the beast down. He could keep up with the kidney punches, until eventually they started to do some damage, but that was going to take a lot of time and a lot of effort which Jonathan didn't have. The tension and excitement in the crowd was at its highest and the energy I was feeling from everyone was not helping my nerves. My fists were clenched and my body twitched with every one of Jonathan's punches.

He was doing well, but I could tell he was getting tired. One wrong move was all it would take. And there it was. A massive hand shot out and connected with Jonathan's shirt-front. The other hand grabbed him by his belt and lifted him from the ground. It was quick, and before I knew it, Jonathan was being held high in the air, up over the giant's head. His rotting teeth were evident from where I stood as he yelled out to the crowd for encouragement. He threw Jonathan across the cage. I winced along with him, as his back collided hard with the bars, but surprisingly, he landed on all fours and broke his fall with both hands.

I could feel the anger rippling off of both fighters. A look of pure hatred crossed Jonathan's face as he stood up, his chest heaving and his heart pounding. The room was wild with shouts and jeers, and I had to fight to concentrate on Jonathan and what he was feeling.

The giant rushed forward again, charging toward him. Jonathan stepped to the side and hit him with an uppercut hard to the nose. He gave it everything he had, and landed the punch perfectly, crushing the giant's nose. I felt the explosion of pain, and couldn't help but shout and punch the air in victory.

Emilia turned her scarlet eyes my way, hissing at the new development.

The giant shrieked with agony. Turning to face Jonathan with blood streaming from his nose, he charged, and again, Jonathan sidestepped delivering a lightning punch to the face. The crowd could no longer be contained. They rushed the cage with their praises switching to Jonathan. I tried to send waves of calm, but there were too many people to be effective. Jonathan ignored the shouts, and continued to concentrate on the giant, who was now spitting up quite a bit of blood, his chest was heaving as he tried to regain his breath. He was moving slowly and trying to get Jonathan into a corner so he could crush him.

Jonathan knew what the giant was trying to do. It was obvious he was a seasoned fighter and recognized the signs. He feigned his way into the corner and the giant followed raising his fist, telegraphing his punch. Just as he swung, Jonathan ducked and weaved out of the corner. The giant's fist connected with the metal bar. We heard the bones crunch from where we stood. I couldn't contain the large smile on my face. My shoulders relaxed a little, and I laughed at the giant's pain.

The fight continued, and by now, both fighters were covered in blood. The blood lust in the room was palpable, and I understood why Garrett was adamant that I be in control for this. The giant was tiring, but he was strong, and no matter what Jonathan threw at him, he still continued to stand. Eventually, Jonathan had cornered him and delivered an impressive series of combination punches. The giant, as if in slow motion, fell to his knees.

Jonathan's knuckles were bruised and bleeding as he stood over him. He was exhausted, and battered, but standing. He leaned against the bars for support and the crowd yelled out, "Finish him!"

He looked up at me, almost pleading for guidance. I didn't really know what kind of man he was, and I didn't have any answers for him. He let out an exhausted breath, and leaned back against the bars. He wasn't a killer. And I breathed a sigh of relief for him, smiling along with him.

The crowd was still chanting for him to kill the giant. They wanted their blood. They were demanding it. Emilia was livid, and she started to throw a tantrum. The scene was chaotic all around us, but I continued to keep my eyes on Jonathan, hoping to convey my relief and my pride as well.

It happened quickly. The vampire's hands reached through the cage before I even knew what was transpiring. The hands gripped Jonathan by the neck and the look of shock on his face would forever be ingrained in my memory. I heard the snap, and he was dead before he hit the ground.

" _NO!_ " I shouted at the top of my lungs. My anger took over as I vaulted down from the platform rushing toward the cage. "He won!" I screamed. "He beat him fair!" I pushed through crowd to where I knew the vampire had been. The cavern became silent and the sea of vampires retreated like the tide. A path was created, and at the end of it was Maria, her face twisted with malice.

" _I_ decide who lives or dies. _Me_ ," she said callously. "Don't ever forget that, Jasper." She turned, her long dark hair swinging over her shoulders and left me standing there in utter dismay.

I felt myself dropping to my knees, as the edges of the cavern began to disappear. Hands lifted me up and dragged me away from the mob and their cries. All my hope… all my fragile strength was gone. I couldn't handle any more of the heartache. I was not supposed to be here, there was nothing here for me. I needed to leave before I went mad right along with everyone else.

"You _can_ do it." I heard someone say in my ear.

"I can't," I disagreed, my voice almost in hysterics. "I can't."

It wasn't supposed to be like this. There comes a stage when the nervous system in a human adjusts to its surroundings. They can accommodate to their environment. An anxious state becomes one of calm. An angry state becomes one of peace. The rush of adrenalin that a human feels, I feel it too. I can play off of it. This could be said for when a person slips over the edge into madness as well. All around me a world of insanity existed, and I was close to slipping over that edge right along with them. The blood lust, the violence, the lack of mercy and humanity was pressing in on me. I needed something to guide me through it. Make me believe I was here for a reason, and remind me that a better world did exist. Ten years ago this feeling was all too familiar. I needed an anchor to get me through it.

"Please," I begged clutching to Garrett's pant legs as he dragged me through the crowd. "I need to see her. I can't take much more. I need to see her with my own eyes."

.

GARRETT LED ME DOWN yet another darkened tunnel, but I was unaware of my surroundings. He could have been leading me to my death for all I knew. The only thing I was aware of was the droplets of water hitting the rock beneath us, and the sound of our shoes scuffing along the surface. Time seemed to stand just as still as my breath. I felt his unease the further we went along. The air seemed to get lighter, and the temperature shifted. I thought maybe he was taking me to the surface, for the ground beneath us sloped upward unlike most of the tunnels in the place. My mind was torn between relief and panic. I couldn't go back to Edward or to the rest of my family without having laid eyes on her. I would never convince myself this was real otherwise.

I pulled against his arm, trying to turn the other way. "I'm not leaving without her!" I cried out. "I can't."

He tugged on my arm harder, pulling me through the tunnel. There was a light far up ahead, but it wasn't that of candlelight or the small electric bulbs like the other corridors. This was different, and my curiosity got the better of me. I rushed forward, but his strong hands held me back again.

"Stay here," he commanded, but it was pointless. I caught a glimpse of what was ahead and the pit in my stomach grew. I pushed past him, walking with reservation toward the soft light.

She was alone, sitting with her back against the rock wall with her knees drawn up and her arms wrapped around her. Her head was turned away from us, her cheek resting on top of her elbows. She looked so tiny, so fragile.

She sat in a single ray of moonlight which shone down from an opening high above her head. It looked as if she was a mirage, a being from another realm, which is exactly how it felt. She was supposed to be dead, not sitting here in this place.

I stumbled forward, my feet not complying with my brain. She finally looked up and our eyes met. She closed her eyes, and I saw her lips mumble something under her breath. She shook her head, and opened her eyes again. They were wide, and unfocused. She shut them tight, as I slowly moved closer. I was almost crawling toward her, and I could hear her whispers.

"Go away. Go away. Go away," she said over and over. I was right in front of her now. My hand was shaking steadily as I raised it up to reach out and touch the mirage, but I couldn't bring myself to touch her. I was afraid it would shatter the illusion.

She warily opened her eyes again, but didn't seem surprised my hand was inches from her own. She continued to mumble, but this time her words were different.

"You're not real," she whispered.

Her words echoed my sentiments. My hand made contact with hers and we both jumped. She scrambled away from me with a look of terror on her face and her whispers changed to curses.

Garrett rushed forward, pulling her into his arms, soothing her with hushed tones. "It's okay. It's alright. He's not going to hurt you."

"I don't understand," she whimpered. "It's not real. He can't be." Her head was tucked into the side of his neck while her hands gripped tightly to his shirt.

"Do you know who that is?" Garrett asked, his voice full of concern.

"Why now? After all this time?" she whispered. "What's happened?"

"Bella …" My voice cracked, and I choked on her name.

Her head snapped around to glare at me. "No one calls me that!" she snapped. "I'm not her!" I felt all of her pain and sorrow, and all the loathing rising up in her. It was unexpected, and it crushed me. She hated me. I lowered my hands in defeat and accepted her blame. Her face softened a little, and there was a twinge of hope mixed in with her anger. I pushed it back to her trying to play on that, hoping to get through all the repulsion she was radiating. I would take whatever I could get, and would use it anyway I could.

She felt the effects, and smiled. It was brief, but I saw it. "It's been a long time since I felt that." She laughed half-heartily. "At least that's something." She put her hands to her face, and collapsed to the ground.

Confusion rang throughout her body, as I assumed she contemplated what it meant for me to be standing in front of her.

"How long?" she asked Garrett. He didn't answer right away, and she gave him a single glare which spoke volumes between the two of them.

"Three weeks."

She cursed again, and that was something that had definitely changed with her. "I thought I saw him, but you said I was imagining things again. I believed you. I never would have guessed… not in a million years. Is he the one Maria's been talking about?"

The two were having their own private conversation, almost as if they had forgotten I was there. I was content to just sit back and watch her. She had a stillness about her. She spoke without movement, and it seemed so foreign, so unlike the Bella I had known. I realized with clarity her stillness was that of a vampire. _Bella was a vampire._ She had been on this earth all this time. She was real, and my heart soared with the possibility of what this meant to me, my family and more importantly, Edward.

"Well, well, well." Maria's spiteful voice pierced the air. "And how is it you've come to know our little Phoenix, Jasper?"

Before I could turn around, Bella was standing between me and Maria. "We don't," she said bitterly.

Maria glared at Bella, and then her eyes shifted to me. "That's a lie," she snapped. "It's written on both of your faces."

"I asked Garrett to bring him here. I heard about this 'prodigal son' of yours returning, and I wanted to meet him. See what all the fuss is about." She shrugged her shoulders as she glanced back at me. "Not much to look at, from what I've seen."

Maria was suspicious, I could feel her doubt. "How long have you been bringing him up here?" she asked Garrett.

"Just now," Garrett responded. "I swear."

She tilted her head. "I don't think so." She moved around Bella so she could get a clear look at me.

"Maria," Bella warned, "you'll leave him be." She moved so she was standing between us again, her body shielding me protectively.

Maria cackled. "Now I know you're lying. Is this some lover's tryst?" she asked Garrett. "I haven't seen her this sentimental since I took some chunks out of you, dear Garrett."

"He's done nothing wrong. I asked Garrett to bring him here. That's all." Bella's fists were clenched at her sides.

"There's only one person you care about here, and that's him." She pointed a finger at Garrett. "We already made an agreement about him. But Jasper, well now, he's _mine_."

"Give me your word you won't hurt him."

"I don't have to give you anything," Maria snapped. "I _let_ you have this place. Your own special place away from the others. I give you this fresh air!" She pointed to the crack in the ceiling high above. "I am more than charitable to you. Or have you forgotten that? Maybe you need a little reminding again?"

"Oh, you remind me every day. How could I forget?" Bella scoffed. "But you will not hurt him, Maria." Bella's voice was direct and flat.

Maria's guards had stepped into the room and it was crowded with all the tension rippling off of everyone. I slowly stood up with my hands in the air. I wasn't sure what was about to happen, but the strain in the room indicated something was coming. I tried to relieve the energy and I watched the guards' shoulders relax a little.

"How about I give you a choice?" Maria smiled wickedly, ignoring the effects. "Him," she pointed to Garrett, "or him." She pointed to me.

Garrett moved to step in front of Bella, but Maria's guards held him back. I could feel a pressure weighing heavily on my body, like it was pressing down on me. It seemed to envelope me, creating an enclosure of some sort.

"Uh-uh," Maria's voice sang as she held up a finger at Bella. "I don't think so. You don't want me to get Emilia do you? We know how that will turn out." She frowned.

At once I felt the pressure release, and I looked at Bella realizing I had felt the effects of her power. She was trying to protect me somehow, almost like a shield.

"That's what I thought." Maria nodded her head in my direction. The guards immediately dropped Garrett's arms and grasped mine instead. She snaked her finger in my direction. "Come now, pet. I have questions."

**2016 -:- Present Day**

Jasper's words were laced with the vivid images in his head and it made for such a compelling tale. I was so engrossed in his story that I hadn't noticed he had stopped walking. He needed a break. It was horrific so far. If I hadn't seen all the appalling scenes play out in his head, I might not have believed what he was telling me was real. And there was still more to come.

I was anxious to know more about Bella. I had seen brief images of her in his head. But they weren't clear enough to satisfy my curiosity. I wanted to see every inch of her. I wanted to know what she sounded like, what she smelled like. Everything. But I couldn't ask any more of him at this point. He was shaken up. I felt terrible knowing he would have to explain all this again to the family. Perhaps it would be easier the second time, but I didn't think so.

We had been hiking in what was formerly Glacier National Park. Climbing alongside a mountain range for what seemed like hours. I had an idea of where we were going, but I wasn't sure how much further until we reached St. Mary Lake. We had stopped at the summit of small peak and were looking down into a valley. The autumn colors of the trees were rich and plentiful. I hadn't seen that many shades of yellow in a long time. The yellow, mixing with the green of the evergreens and the blue sky, created such a dramatic landscape. It was simply stunning, and quite the contrast to the imagery in Jasper's story.

I didn't know what to make of this Garrett, fellow. It was clear Jasper trusted him and had some loyalty toward him, but he was still very cautious in what he revealed to me. I was lost in my own thoughts, so I hadn't heard that Jasper was talking to me.

"Did you hear me?" he asked.

I looked at him in confusion. "Sorry," I apologized, smiling a little, "I didn't."

"He's her maker."

It took me a moment to register. I shook my head back and forth. "No," I whispered. "Victoria. It was Victoria." I wasn't sure which was worse. Thinking that Victoria had laid her hands on Bella and took her away from me, or this man, Garrett, whom I was supposed to trust and welcome into my life had done it.

"What?" I breathed. "How?" I didn't want to believe it.

"I promised Bella I would let her tell you," he said quietly. I wondered just how much Jasper had shared with Bella, how much she knew of the past ten years. He guessed what I was thinking, or feeling I supposed, and explained. "We shared quite a bit, Bella and I, but I never shared things you may have wished to keep private. These last ten years of yours are yours to tell, just as I will do the same for her."

"Thank you." I was relieved, but at the same time, I wondered if it would have been easier if he had just told her. That would have been the coward's way though. I was tired of living that way. She deserved so much more than that. She deserved so much more than me, maybe she had found it in Garrett.

"Are they …" I tried to get the courage to say the word, but couldn't bring myself to say it.

"Together?" He finished the question for me, sighing deeply. "Honestly, I don't know." He looked up, his face was sad, but honest. "They love each other deeply. That much I know. I felt it. I just don't know to what extent."

Closing my eyes, I let out a breath while I nodded my head. I understood. I didn't want to, but I did. Ten years was a long time, and I had cast Bella aside, or so she thought. I always hoped she hadn't believed me, but those words … those words I said in the forest were so cruel and harsh.

I paced around the clearing, the pain in my chest was building, and I couldn't do anything to stop it. I wanted to cry out, but I didn't have the right to. I deserved every bit of this pain. It was nothing compared to what Bella had endured.

"You have to understand, Edward, they've been through a lot together. They've seen things I can't even begin to describe. Extreme circumstances like that are bound to bring two people together. It's inevitable. This is why I need you to hear my story. I need you to understand what it was like. They had been living in hell, or as close as one could come to experience for over eight years. Garrett has looked out for her, protected her, when there wasn't anyone there to do that for her."

I didn't want to hear anymore, even though I knew I needed to. It never occurred to me that she would love another. Just because I hadn't, didn't mean she never would. I never thought the pain could ever be as bad as the day I lost her. But this was possibly worse. I gave up on our love. I gave up on her, so it was only right that she would give up on me as well.

"He's a good man, Edward. I trusted him with my life." I felt his soothing touch on my shoulder.

I swallowed my pride. Turning back to face him, I could only nod my head, and accept the hand that fate had dealt me. He was the one who was there for her, not me.

"She's _alive._ That's all that matters." I tried to convince myself. I took a deep breath. "I don't deserve anything more."

"Enough!" I felt the waves of anger rolling off of him. I heard his thoughts, and he was aggravated with me. "This guilt you're filling yourself with is premature. Garrett and Bella have a history, that's undeniable, but so do you and Bella. She loves you. I know what I felt when I told her you were alive. That emotion could not be faked."

I stayed silent for a moment, mulling over everything he had shared with me so far. "But ten years! They've been together for ten years!" I raised my hands in the air in frustration. "Bella and I weren't even together ten months! How can I compete with that?" I asked desperately.

He sent another calming wave my way, as he smiled. "You have an eternity to figure that out."

"If she'll have me."

"If there are two people who deserve to have a happy ending, it's you and Bella." He walked toward me and patted my shoulder, grinning widely. _It'll work out. It has to. We didn't go through all this for it not to._ "I'll get you there, and then it's up to you to do the rest."

That's what I was afraid of. Since the moment I found out she was alive, all I wanted was to see her, to hold her in my arms. I hadn't thought far enough ahead as to how this was going to work out. For ten years I'd lived with the idea that we were one. It was so cliché to say we were 'meant to be,' but that's what I felt. I hadn't thought that she might not think the same way. And if she didn't, where would that leave me. My courage collapsed and my knees buckled along with it.

"I can't."

Jasper dropped down to look me in the eye. "Yes, you can."

"No." I shook my head. "If she doesn't want me, I'd rather not see her. I can't."

Jasper's fist pulled back and slammed into the side of my cheek. I grasped my jaw, rubbing the pain away. His face was stern as he gripped my chin.

"You done, now? You done feeling sorry for yourself?" He raised his eyebrows in question.

"Jasper …"

"No, Edward! I just went through hell for you, for her, and now you tell me you're too much of a coward to make this right? I'm sick of it!" he screamed. "Was it all for nothing? I don't give a damn about your pride, because that's all this is." He pushed my chin, and stood up to walk away. "Goddamnit! When are you going to stop this guilt? You're rank with it!"

I slowly stood up, my teeth clenched as I felt the effects of his anger.

His voice was haggard and desperate as he pleaded with me. "You have to fight for her! What you had is worth fighting for! Can't you see that? It's there within your grasp and you're too afraid to grab it. You always were!" He was breathing heavily, and the desperation was rolling off of him. "Edward, what are you so goddamn afraid of?"

I saw the bewilderment in his eyes, and it was in his thoughts as well. He was going over everything in the last ten years. I saw myself in his thoughts. The misery, the anger, the guilt, even my pride. He was absolutely right. I had done everything possible to sabotage my own happiness. I was hours away from fulfilling every hope and dream that had consumed my thoughts in the last ten years, and I was doing it all over again.

Bella didn't need a coward. She didn't need a seventeen year old boy too afraid of taking chances. She needed her own victor, someone who was willing to risk it all for her. She may no longer be the same person, but neither was I. I'd had enough of sitting on the sidelines. I was ready to step into the cage for her. And I would fight to the death if needed. It was time to find out if our love did stand the test of time like I had imagined all these years.

Jasper felt my resolve and my determination, and started to chuckle. It was infectious and we both laughed at what had just transpired.

"Now let's get you cleaned up and looking presentable. Alice would have my head if she found out you weren't looking your best when you reconnected with the love of your life." He pushed me forward, mussing up my hair. "We're almost there and I still have to tell you how we escaped."


	23. Faint Heart Never Won Fair Lady

**CHAPTER 22**

**-:- Faint Heart Never Won Fair Lady -:-**

* * *

**2016 -:- Memories of Jasper's Past**

I didn't remember much from the days or weeks after the bombs. Only bits and pieces my family had chosen to share with me. I only recalled the darkness. Everything was so empty, so dark, as if I had been swallowed by the entire catastrophe that surrounded me. I knew the weight of the world's emotion had come barreling down on me, and it was too much for my soul to bear.

My brain would tell my limbs to move, but it was like I was floating in a thick, black pool of tar. The effort to talk, even to open my eyes was excruciating and draining. I had never known what it was like to feel depressed, but the hopelessness of the world rooted deep within my body and there was absolutely no way I had been able to stop it.

As time went on, the world shifted, and the pressure did as well. Each day passed and it was a little easier to be me. I couldn't remember the day I was actually back to normal. It was such a gradual thing, until one day the despair just seemed to float away like a feather on the wind.

Now as I sat in the dark, surrounded again by this misery and forlornness, I could feel the difference. Perhaps it was the anger mixed in with the anguish, or the excitement I could feel from the vampires as they fought against each other, regardless, it was nowhere near the extent of what I had suffered over ten years ago. I had grown since then. Alice and Carlisle had worked with me over the years to compartmentalize the emotions when they threatened to engulf me again.

Maria had left me with the humans. This was her punishment. I knew she had hoped one of two things: their wretchedness would play on my empathy, or my hunger and thirst would drive me to drink from one of them. So far, I had disappointed her on both accounts.

I had taken Garrett's advice and learned to look past each one of the humans. He was right. There was nothing I could do for them, besides, I had much more important things to focus on. Seeing Bella had given me that drive and desire to make things right. She was here because of me. I would get her out of here and perhaps she wouldn't harbor too much hate for me.

I wasn't sure how long I'd been stuck down in this cave. The whimpers and cries of the humans were endless, as were the guards who came to take them one by one. I was certain now, that these were the humans who were here to feed Maria's beloved guards, and more importantly, Emilia. I had given up trying to keep them at ease, I figured it was doing them more harm if I gave them hope. They were fated to die, and perhaps so was I.

I hadn't seen Garrett or Bella since our last encounter. Maria had asked me a few questions in regards to Bella, or Phoenix as she called her, but I gave her nothing. I expected her to retaliate, but she simply put me down here, and left me.

Garrett would be trying to reach me somehow, I was sure of that, so I was content to sit and wait until he told me otherwise. I would trust him. I had no other choice.

He and Bella were close, that was evident in the way he held her, the way he caressed her cheek. I was sitting in the darkness, contemplating for the hundredth time what each one of their touches meant. It was impossible to know, but as much as I didn't want to admit it, the love was there.

"Have you had enough of the darkness, Jasper?" I heard Maria's voice coming down the tunnel. "How are you _feeling_?" She walked into the cave, her face glowing from the candle she carried. The light made her seem ominous, which was probably her intention; she didn't need it to see. She was alone which was also troublesome.

She was never alone.

I scrambled to my feet, dusting my pants off. "Just enjoying some quiet time," I mused.

"I can make it all go away, Jasper. It can all go. Just tell me. Tell me why you're here," she whispered in my ear. She ran her tongue along my temple down to my jaw, where she placed a soft, almost sensuous kiss on my lips.

"I'm here for you," I said with as much conviction as I could with her being so near to me.

She regarded me closely, searching out my eyes to see the hunger she hoped was there, and when she didn't, she threw her head back with laughter. It was forced, and I knew she was not amused with me.

"Well, then, I have other need of you. Come with me," she ordered.

"Of course."

"Now, see. There's something you're not telling me." She wagged her finger at me. "You were never this obedient, only when you were trying to placate me, and that was only toward the end, before you left me. You were so amicable. I should've seen it. I should've known it was coming." She eyed me suspiciously. "Now I know better." She shrugged her shoulders, and continued walking down the narrow corridor.

I followed behind her and thought how easy it would be to reach out and snap her head from her neck.

"Never think you are safe, Jasper," she said quietly under her breath. She took one more step forward and quickly turned on me, her hands reaching for my neck as she slammed me up against the wall. "That's the key," she hissed. "I _will_ find out what you're doing here." I felt her menacing threats. They echoed through my body. I could fight her here and end this. One simple calculated step and I would kill her. I hesitated a moment too long. Four of her guards appeared at the end of the corridor just as she released me. Turning me toward them, they reached for me dragging me along with them.

"Ta-ta for now, Jasper." She waved at me, smiling.

.

I WAS SPRAWLED OUT on the same platform where Emilia had sat when I first encountered her. It felt like some kind of altar, and I was an offering with each of my limbs spread eagle, being held down by a vampire. It didn't look like they wanted to be here anymore than I did, but they held on tightly as if their lives depended on it, which I had no doubt it did.

The room still looked the same, although the humans had been changed up. Not that it mattered; their fate was the same as the ones before them. These humans' emotions were much different than the others I had just been with. They were terrified, and if they weren't, they were hoping for a quick death. The same thought crossed my mind briefly. I had no idea what Maria had in store for me, but I couldn't imagine it was going to be pleasant.

I tried struggling, but it was no use, the grips of the four vampires holding me down were solid. The only thing to do was to wait, which I did, until eventually a visitor appeared at the door.

"Maria said I could come play with you." The devil-child's sharp voice rang through the air, and I noticed the humans in the room cowered by her presence.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I was sure Emilia's idea of "play" was not exactly the same as most seven year-olds. She skipped over to me, her pigtails bouncing and her eyes gleaming as if she'd just found an exciting new toy. She was wearing another new dress; this one was vibrant sky blue, which only seemed to make her eyes glow brighter in the dim lighting of the room. She held two thick, pink satin ribbons in her hands and was holding them up in the air.

"Do you like my ribbons?" she asked, smiling widely.

I didn't answer, I just narrowed my eyes, waiting for her to do something unexpected.

"I _said_ … do you like my ribbons?" She held them up to my face.

"Yes, they're very pretty."

"I like pink."

"It's a good color."

"You don't like pink!" She giggled just like the little girl she should have been. " _Boys_ don't like pink."

So far the conversation was nothing out of the ordinary, but from the emotion in the room, I knew it was only a matter of time before the child turned on me. It was like playing with a deadly snake, no sudden movements, but eventually that snake was going to bite.

"Maria said you were in my room to be taught a lesson. She said you did something very bad." She trailed the ribbons across my eyes, and down the side of my cheek. "They're very soft, aren't they?"

"Yes. They are," I said cautiously while she continued to draw the ribbons down the length of my body. She stopped at the end of the platform, and I felt her hands touching my boots.

"These are big boots." With my eyes shut tight, I felt her emotions turning sour. Her hands rubbed softly along the leather toe of one of my boots.

"I don't like them." I lifted my head slightly to watch her remove them and my socks. "You don't need them."

She ran the ribbons along both feet. My legs were spread apart and still being held down by Maria's guards. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was a little too exposed for my liking.

"Soooo soft," she breathed, her head tilted to the side as she wrapped one of the ribbons around the top of my foot. She whipped it away, and held it in the air for me to see. The excitement was still evident in her eyes.

She proceeded to lace the ribbon in between my toes, like she was weaving. She ran the ribbon, up and over each one of my toes, and then back again. She went for a third pass, but realized she was running out of ribbon.

"There's not enough," she pouted, ripping the ribbon from my foot. She huffed, and crossed her arms, examining my feet. If Emilia really was a venomous snake, like the king cobra for instance, this would have been the moment when that snake would've reared up and spread its hood. I saw the look in her eyes, and I felt the venom in her emotion. She was getting ready to strike, complete with the characteristic hiss of the king cobra.

I thrashed against my captors but there was nothing I could do. Their grips were steady while I panicked wondering what the devil-child had planned in that head of hers. It was quick. I didn't even feel it, at least not until I looked down at the missing digit on my right foot. The little demon had ripped off one of my toes. I screamed, but more from the horror than the pain.

"That's better," she sang while I cursed and howled with repulsion.

My breaths were quick, and my chest heaved as I arched my back trying to break free from my confines. I screamed at her through clenched teeth, but she regarded me as nothing more than a toy she had broken, discarding the piece because now it was useless. She threaded the ribbon through the my toes again, this time making a third pass easily enough without the extra toe to have to go around.

"It fits!" she exclaimed as if she had put the last piece of a puzzle together.

The vampires holding me down were smiling, but I could hear the cries and whimpers of the humans behind me. I felt each one of their emotions, they were grateful it wasn't them in my position, especially knowing what was coming next. I gritted my teeth and took a deep breath while I waited. I could hear her humming a rhyme, as she touched each one of my toes on my left foot.

"And this little piggy went…" she said out loud twisting my toe with each word, "wee, wee, wee all the way home." And just like that she had removed another toe. I howled at the pain this time. It was slow and done with careful deliberation and was too much to take. This twisted little fiend was going to rip me apart piece by piece.

She finished with my left foot and stood back admiring her work. Emilia clapped, jumping up and down pointing to my feet that were now adorned with her pink satin ribbons.

"Look, Flora!" she exclaimed to the vampire that I had assumed had taken on the role of her nanny. They stood at the end of the platform while Flora praised her for her 'talent.' Hoping to garner some sympathy from them, I projected all of my pain at them. I could tell it was affecting the other vampires and Flora, but Emilia seemed impervious to my attempts.

Having lost interest already, Emilia slowly walked closer to my head. I couldn't help but flinch from her closeness while she reached out to touch a spot on my arm where my shirt sleeve had risen up.

"What are these?" she asked, pointing to one of the silver threaded scars on my arm. She waited for me to respond, when I didn't, she turned to Flora.

"They're scars," Flora said.

"But you said we can't have scars."

"Those are scars from a vampire's teeth. That is the only way, the only thing sharp enough to cut through our skin," Flora explained.

"Really?" Emilia asked with wonderment and curiosity in her eyes. "Those lines are from teeth?" She gently traced the outline on my arm. "I want to try!" She looked to Flora, pleading, as did I. Flora turned her head from my gaze, and I felt her pity and her sorrow, while Emilia's teeth sank into my arm not waiting for an answer. My jaw tensed as I clenched down, trying to stop myself from screaming. It was only a bite. I had suffered though dozens and dozens of bites in my past life, I could get through a child's bite.

She giggled as she rubbed the spot where she had bitten my arm. "So will that leave a mark?" she asked, her eyes wild. Flora could only nod in response. "I want to try another."

"Emilia, perhaps it's not wise. Can't you feel what he's doing? And Maria said—"

"I don't care!" Emilia abruptly cut off Flora. "I want to do more!" She glared back at Flora, and it was clear the woman was terrified of this little girl. Flora was pleading with Emilia as I pushed my abilities on the room, trying to make them feel my emotions.

"Fine. I'll stop him. You won't feel him anymore."

.

I DIDN'T KNOW HOW long Emilia had been using me as her own little experiment. I had lost track of the number of bites she had inflicted on my body. While she continued to deliver each little stinging puncture down the length of my torso, I was somewhat grateful she had absorbed my ability. I didn't have to feel the despair from the humans, the terror from the guards, or the pity from the woman, but mostly I was grateful I didn't have to feel the malicious intent of the child.

She explained to Flora she was drawing a picture, and I was her canvas. As I lay there, shirt wide open, waiting for her next method of torture, I shut my eyes, allowing myself to drift away from this place, hoping that whatever Emilia had planned, the only permanent thing I would lose would be the toes she had casually tossed into the fire.

There was a brief interlude from her assault, and I hazard to open an eye. She was standing on the platform beside me, looming over me, contemplating her work. Her chin was held in her hand with her head titled to the side. She closed one eye and took a step back to get a different angle.

"Flora, can you see what it is?" she asked.

Flora stumbled on her words, not sure what to say. I was past the point of caring, and turned my head with indifference. It didn't matter how much I protested, no one was going to help me, and no one was going to stop her.

"I-I'm not sure, Emilia," Flora replied timidly.

"You can't see it!" Emilia screamed and stomped her foot. "It's a house! It's just like the one you used to live in before we found you, silly. I made it for you."

"Oh, right, of course. I see it now." Flora tried to chuckle. "Thank you, Emilia." Flora was trembling with fear, and luckily I couldn't feel it. It was not something I wanted to add with my own.

"Well, it's not _exactly_ like the day we found you. The sun was in the sky that day."

"I see you've been keeping busy, Emilia?" Maria said from the doorway. "How lovely to see the two of you getting along, Jasper." I could hear the amusement in her voice. She strutted toward us, and examined my feet. "What have you done with his toes, sweetheart?"

"They didn't fit."

"I see." Maria shrugged. "Small price, isn't it, Jasper?" She actually smiled sadly. "Emilia get down from there and leave us."

"No! I'm not finished!" she whined. She must have let her guard down, for I felt a rush of sensation as all of the emotions in the room came flooding back to me. I actually gasped and Emilia giggled knowing exactly what had happened. Maria's head snapped around to face Emilia thinking she was giggling at her.

"Child, do what I say. Leave us," she ordered, her voice threatening. The two of them stared at each other, neither willing to give in to the other. Emilia's shoulders relaxed a little, and she turned back to me smiling and glaring.

"But I didn't finish the sun," she whispered so low, my emotions stirred, and before I could process it, she lunged at me, her teeth bared, and I felt them sink into my skin just around my eye.

Maria rushed her, and with one swing, Emilia vaulted across the room hitting the wall.

"He's no good to me blinded!" she yelled. Maria turned back to me, and placed her hand on my cheek. She bent to take a closer look at my eye, examining it for damage. "Still intact," she muttered to herself. I could hear the demon-child laughing nervously, almost uncontrollably from across the room.

"Flora, do your job," Maria chastised the woman, while still looking at my eye. Her eyes swept down the rest of my body, and I felt the remorse coming off of her.

"Yes, Maria, I-I'm sorry," Flora said, grabbing Emilia by the hand, leading her out of the room. Her giggles could be heard for a few minutes more while they walked down the corridor.

"The face and hands were off-limits," Maria tried to comfort me. "So were the feet, but toes are a technicality." She straightened up. "Don't worry, she'll be punished for this."

"That makes it all better," I replied dryly, turning my head from her. The venom from her bite around my eye was stinging and instinctively, I wanted to rub it, but my arms were still being held.

"Let him go," Maria said quietly, motioning with her head for them to leave, although I knew they were not far, ready if Maria needed them.

I winced as I slowly sat up swinging my legs over the side of the platform, the palm of my hand pressing hard on my eye. Her hand touched my shoulder and I flinched from her, putting my back between us.

"Don't," I warned her, reaching down to remove the ribbons from my toes. I was alive, and in relatively one piece. The wounds on my feet were already starting to heal, the pain was diminishing and was now concentrated around my eye. I looked down at my chest noticing the puncture marks along my stomach, Two straight lines that ran from shoulder to hip, and another line that ran across my stomach along my navel. A matching horizontal line ran parallel across my collarbone, connecting the lines to form a square. I noticed the other bites that made up the details of her drawing. This would forever be marked on my skin, my own personal tattoo given to me by an unholy abomination. I was thankful there were no mirrors in this place, I didn't want to see what she had done to my eye.

"An immortal child, Maria?" I said, my voice thick and filled with disgust. "There's a reason they're forbidden," I whispered.

"Forbidden by whom? Who makes the rules for our kind, Jasper?" she tested me.

"The Volturi will never allow this."

"They don't exist anymore," she countered quickly, as if she knew exactly what I was going to say.

For just a moment, I felt her alarm, even she didn't believe her words completely. "You don't believe that."

"Well, if they did, how would they come here?"

"Maybe they were already here?" I thought about the little vampire that Maria had destroyed a few weeks back. The one that rambled about the twins.

"Is that it? You're with them, now? Because you know I don't believe for one second you're here for me." Her voice was tender, and it alarmed me a little. "They want her, don't they?"

"Who?"

"That's why you came…for Phoenix. You're here because of her, not me." I was confused by the feelings coming from her. She was sad, I hadn't expected this.

"Maria," I said, turning to her, "I promise you, I had no idea she was here. I had never even heard her name before my time here." I said it with complete honesty, for it was true. Bella being here was an absolute surprise.

She tenderly touched the bite on my eye again, giving me a loving smile for a moment. The kindness was brief though, and shifted as she fiercely grabbed hold of my chin. "For your sake, and hers, you'd better be telling the truth. I'll destroy her before I'll let you take her from me. If I can't have her, no one can." She left the room in one fluid motion and I was left to my own devices.

She hadn't told me I could leave, but she hadn't said I couldn't, either. Not wanting to spend another minute in Emilia's chamber, I limped down the corridor trying to get as much distance from that memory. I was still barefoot, Emilia had destroyed my boots, but as a vampire, I supposed I didn't technically need them. But I loved those boots. I'd had them longer than I cared to admit. I wasn't sure what I was more upset about losing, the two appendages, or the boots that I considered were extensions of my feet. I smiled. Alice would be ecstatic hearing the boots were destroyed, she hated those old things. My heart ached for her, although I knew she'd be happy about the boots, she would be devastated about the rest of it. If I made it out of here alive, she would not take this lightly, and I knew for a fact vengeance would be hers.

I didn't know where I was going, my only hope was to find the corridor that lead to Bella's sanctuary, but I knew that was a stretch. This place was a giant maze and every corridor looked the same. I stopped for a moment, trying to take in the scents and sounds, hoping to find my way by smell. The air was a bit cleaner, fresher where Bella hid out, but everything near me still smelled of blood and death.

"Yuh nuh dead yet." I heard a voice behind me, chuckling.

I swiveled my head around to try and get a better look at Isaac knowing it was him. "Nope, not yet," I replied, not believing my luck. "But I've a feeling you're not here by chance are you?"

"Yuh ina big choble." He looked at me gravely.

"Don't seem to have much luck, do I?" I smiled, resting my head back against the surface of the wall. He grabbed hold of my elbow, guiding me down another corridor that opened up into another dead end. I didn't protest, I felt nothing hostile from the little vampire. He was strictly doing his job, and I respected that.

"Mi nah wanna do it," he said shaking his head.

"She doesn't really give you a choice," I said staring up at the ceiling above me. "I knew her well, for many, many years." Lowering my head again, I searched his face. He looked down at the ground, and I could feel his hesitation. "Get on with it," I said to the little man, waiting for my punishment. "I know what you can do. Snakes, spiders, rats, pick your poison. I'll be honest though, they don't really bother me."

I was sure Maria had threatened him, and I kind of felt bad for the little vampire. Garrett said he wasn't really loyal to anyone, perhaps he was stuck with Maria just like I had been all those years ago.

"It's okay, really. I understand," I said trying to ease his worries.

I felt his emotion shift as soon as I finished my words. I hadn't meant to relay any kind of pity, at least I hoped I hadn't. He must have misunderstood my intention, for the spite that I was picking up on was surprising. "I didn't mean to offen—"

His head snapped up, and his face was hard as he cut me off. "Do nuh pitee mi. Mi nuh cay-re."

"I don't pity you," I said, raising my hands in defense. "I just wonder why you do it, that's all. You know she could kill you at any point."

The little man started laughing, and his white teeth almost glowed in the darkness. "Mi tell yu … evryting get da fear."

"Maria may be afraid of you, but that would never stop her if she wanted you dead. Trust me, I know how she works. Your _power_? I'm not sure how it works, but snakes and spiders don't really cut it, you know?" I would be lying if I said I didn't want to know how it worked, but I would wait for another time. I'd had enough for the day.

He looked at me curiously for just a second, then his eyes shifted and he frowned at me menacingly. "Wat bout yu gal? She 'ere. Maria got er."

My heart dropped at the mention of Alice, my insides were on fire and everything in my body screamed of fear. "What?" I managed to breathe out. I felt the panic rising.

"She 'ere," he repeated.

"You're lying!" I said, but he just shook his head. "You're lying," I deadpanned, glaring at him defiantly. I knew it was a trick. I knew Isaac was playing with my head. This is what he did. He played on your worst fears, and Alice following me here had been mine. How would he know that? I didn't understand the extent of Isaac's powers, but this all seemed pretty real. She wasn't here, I had to remember that, but as he played on my fears, my ability was amplifying his power and my dread was spinning out of control.

"She's not here." My fists were clenched as I fought every urge to lose control.

"Isaac!" I heard a feminine voice behind him, one I vaguely recognized, but seemed unfamiliar all the same. Isaac was pushed aside, and Bella came rushing toward me.

"Are you okay?" she breathed out with a sigh of relief. "I'm sorry I couldn't get to you sooner." She turned to Isaac. "What did you do?" she asked with such authority that the little man seemed to cower. "I told you just to bring him here, and not to play any of your stupid games, Isaac." He shrugged his shoulders apologetically. It seemed Bella had her own little following, for the voodoo vampire held her in quite a bit of esteem.

"It's okay," I reassured her. "He was just showing me how his powers worked. I was curious."

Isaac stared at me with empty eyes. "Evryting get da fear," he said in a hollow voice and I felt a chill sweep over me as he left the room.

"What did she do to you?" Bella whispered as she gently traced the bite mark around my eye.

"It's okay, I'm alright," I said as convincingly as possible. "It could have been much worse."

She lowered her head, her shoulders sagging in defeat. She nodded, knowing that with Maria, it could have been much worse. "Your feet!" she exclaimed.

I lifted her chin. "I'm alright," I pressed.

"I'm so sorry, Jasper. You shouldn't be here," she apologized. "I didn't know she would go to this extreme. We're going to get you out of here."

"That devil-child has to be destroyed," I managed to croak out.

"Believe me, I _know_ that." Her teeth gritted together in anger. "There are others, you know? They're not as horrible as Emilia, they have no powers, but they're almost kept like pets by some of the other vampires."

"I haven't seen them."

"You wouldn't. She keeps them away from most. They're not one of her better experiments. They can't control themselves. They're too young to learn any restraint. She uses them on the raids, and that's about it." Her voice was so disconnected, and it seemed so foreign coming from the Bella I knew, or thought I knew. She had lost all emotion in the way she spoke, everything was said with purpose, and not with feeling. It felt almost clinical. Carlisle used to speak this way when he recited medical charts into his Dictaphone many years back. This Bella … was hardened.

"You must hate me," I said softly.

Her head snapped and her eyebrows creased. "Why would you say that?"

"It's my fault you're here," I clarified for her. "I felt it back in the cave. You loathe me."

"You think I hate you?"

"I know you do, for what I did the night of your birthday all those years ago."

She shook her head, but her voice was still hard. "I don't hate you, Jasper. How could I?"

"You have to blame me…" I spread my arms out, "for all of this. It was my weakness that drove us away."

"She doesn't hate you," Garrett's voice echoed through the corridor. "Believe me, I wish she would, but she doesn't. That repulsion you felt back at the cave?"

"Garrett," Bella warned.

"That's her own self-loathing."

"Don't," she warned again.

"Sorry, but it's the truth. You hate what you are, what you've become, and having Jasper here only reminds you of that. You're a good person, Nix."

"Stop it!" she said curtly, glaring at him.

"I'll stop it, when you admit it."

"I don't hate what I am. I hate who I was. Bella was weak. A frail, little human who couldn't fight back. Who no one wanted. I'm not her anymore."

"That's not true," I said. "Bella," she flinched at her name, "you were one of the strongest people I knew. You risked your life to face a psychotic vampire who wanted to torture you just to save someone you love. You still are that person. And you're wrong to think no one wanted you, that no one wants you," I finished quietly.

She bit the end of her thumb as she looked away from me. For just a moment, I glimpsed the Bella I remembered. Her inner turmoil was evident.

"He's alive," I said quietly.

Instantly, I was flooded with a rush of emotion. The heartbreak was enough to buckle my knees.

"He's alive, and God, I–I can't even tell you what it will be like when he sees you alive."

"That won't happen," she said bitterly. "Why would he care anyway?"

"Bella," I breathed out. "The family thought you were dead. We've grieved your death for ten years. Not a day went by in _ten_ years that you weren't in our thoughts."

"Stop!" she snapped. "I don't want to hear it. It doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters. Do you know what this means? You're _alive_ , Bella. This is … it's a miracle," I said with as much reverence as possible. "You can't imagine what we've gone through."

"What _you_ went through!" she seethed. "What _you_ went through? You left me. Your family left me. _He_ left me!" She was breathing heavily as she tried to get the words out. Her eyes were wild, and the anger spilling off of her was out of control. I felt that pressure building from her, enveloping me again, but it was different this time. It was heavier as it pushed down on me, rather than surround me.

"Alice didn't even say goodbye! None of you did. _That's_ how much you cared. So when you tell me how terrible life was for the seven of you, all together in your cozy family way, take that and multiply it by ten, Jasper, because that's a smidgeon of what my life's been like." Her fists were clenched, and it was as if the air was vibrating around her. She lowered her voice. "Don't tell me life's been hard for you unless you've been left for dead by everyone you've ever loved."

"Nix," Garrett reached for her, "ease up, come on," he said, wrapping her up in his arms.

I was still on my knees, trying to process all that she'd said. Anything I tried to say was never going to be enough. I sent her as much good and pure energy as I could, that was the only thing I could offer, because my words would only fall flat. I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to tell her all about Alice, and the rest of the family, about Edward, but she wasn't ready to hear it. It was true, that anything we may have suffered failed miserably in comparison to what she went through, but that didn't mean our sufferings were meaningless. We suffered and endured, just as she had. None of us could take back what happened, but I sure as hell was going to make it right.

I slowly stood up, moving closer to the two of them, hoping to reason with her.

"You're right, _Bella_ ," I emphasized her name. "I can't imagine what you've gone through," I said resentfully. "But I sure as hell felt what each one of my family has suffered over the last ten years. And each one of them still grieves for _you_. Edward…" She tried to turn from me, but I grabbed her shoulder to face me. I bent down to look at her in the eyes. " _Edward_ ," I said again, my nostrils flaring, "he's a good man, too good if you ask me, but for some screwed up reason, he doesn't see it." Her eyes softened, and so did the anger emanating from her. "He never believed he was good enough for you. Even these last ten years he's been trying to prove something to everyone and everything." I dropped my hands. "It's all been for you," I finished quietly.

Her emotions were unhindered, as were mine. I didn't want to say anything more, for fear of betraying Edward. She was different, but I could still see little parts of Bella and I just hoped the part of her that still cared for him, and cared for the family was still in there.

We didn't say anything further, but I knew she was processing everything I had said. Then I felt it. I felt a deep, resounding love hidden deep within her hardened shell. I hid it from her, but I couldn't help but smile a little.

"Garrett," she said abruptly, back to her detached self, "you have to take Jasper and get out of here. I can create a diversion, and you can make a break for it while they go on the raid."

"You know I'll never go without you." Garrett reached for her again, caressing her hair while placing a soft kiss on the top of her head.

"You have to," she demanded. "For me, I need you to leave. It's me, Maria wants. And she'll just continue to use you against me until something happens to you and I can't have that."

"We leave together," Garrett protested.

"She'll follow us," she countered and the two stared the other down, locked in a very close embrace.

"I'll get Jasper to safety, and I'll come back," he said softly running his fingers through her hair.

"As much as I appreciate your efforts," I interjected. "I'm not going anywhere without you, Bella." I leaned up against the wall, crossing my feet. "Maria thinks I work for the Volturi now. If I leave, she'll think I've gone back to them. She's vowed to destroy you before giving you up to them." I smiled, knowing I held the full house in this hand of cards. "I'm not going without you."

She quickly glanced down at my bare skin, and her remorse was apparent. "Yes. You. Are," she clipped. "I can take care of myself."

"Afraid not," I said in a long drawl. "There's another reason I can't leave you here. You know as soon as I go back, I'll tell the family you're here. They'll come down here, their own personal little army to get you out. Do you really want that? 'Cause you know they will. Emmett … Alice … Edward … all of them, even Rosalie." I laughed a little at the trick card I had up my sleeve.

"Why would they do that?" she asked.

"Bella, I've been trying to tell you. They love you and they'll risk their lives for yours. You know them. You know they will. So I'm not leaving, 'cause I can't have Alice coming down here. Maria will kill her for sure, along with the rest of them." I knew I might have been playing dirty, but it wasn't a lie. The family would do everything to get her out.

She sighed deeply looking up at Garrett. The two of them never said anything, but it was such an intimate moment, I had to look away.

"Okay," Garrett finally said, rubbing her arms. "We all go."

.

BELLA AND GARRETT HAD been planning an escape for quite a while, but all this time, Bella still thought she could stop Maria. They hadn't left yet because a part of their plan was ending the lives of Maria, Emilia and some of the other vampires that were in Maria's inner circle. Bella had every intention of killing the newborns and the humans to help contain the secret of the vampire. It was an intricate, detailed plan and they were still a few months away from making it happen. My need to escape from Maria's further attempts to harm me meant they were going to have to forgo the ultimate plan, and settle for getting us out alive.

Bella did have her own little following of vampires, and a few of the guards were willing to help. None of them were ready to leave with us though, some of them had only known this place as a vampire, and weren't willing to try to survive on the outside. Garrett assured me they could be trusted, and all I could do was go along with it. There was a time when I was the strategist, that I was the one who knew the playing field and called the shots. But here, with Garrett and Bella, I was nothing more than a bystander. I couldn't even tell which tunnel led to the surface, so I put my trust in them, believing it would come out all right.

My part was very simple, so was Garrett's, it was Bella's that was going to be the most difficult. Maria's 'food supply' was getting low, so there was a raid planned within the next week. Garrett and Bella never went on raids together. Maria didn't trust them. One stayed behind, while the other went with her, and it all depended on where Emilia was going to be. Bella always went where Emilia went.

Maria was planning a raid with some fresh newborns, so Bella was going to be needed on this one to control them. Garrett and I were simply going to walk out the front gate, while Bella was going to get lost in the shuffle and excitement of the night and quietly slip away. It seemed infallible, but I still didn't like the plan at all. Garrett seemed okay with it, which was all I needed to know. The idea of Bella alone with the blood-thirsty ravenous newborns was not something I could get used to, yet Garrett assured me that was the least of our problems.

The night of our departure had finally arrived, and I was thankful. Maria had left me alone—to heal she said—but I was no longer under her radar, and we all knew it was only a matter of time before she felt the need to 'question' me again.

The caves were over-wrought with all kinds of excitement as the vampires geared up for the evening. It was a bit chaotic which served us well. No one took special notice of our quick glances or hand signals, or the nervousness playing out on our faces.

I was alone, leaning up against one of the walls watching everyone rush around trying to get where they needed to be. I saw Maria across the other side of the cavern. She looked up and smiled at me, making her way over.

"Jasper, care to join us?" she asked. "You might like it."

I forced the panic down, and felt the calm take over. "I wouldn't know what to do. I'd only be in the way," I said, smiling back at her.

"True, perhaps tonight isn't the best of nights. But you'll have to learn at some point." She tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear. It was such a tender gesture, and yet it sickened me. She leaned in closer, whispering, "You be ready for me when I get back." She nibbled my ear, and it took every bit of will power not to recoil in disgust. It was a lover's goodbye, she told me, just like the men who used to go off to war, leaving their brides at home. She laughed at her own analogy, patting my cheek. "It's just like before, only this time it's me going and you'll be waiting to reap the benefits of my return."

I saw Garrett's eyes watching me, probably waiting for Maria to do something. I couldn't see Bella, but I had no doubt she was watching as well. I briefly nodded my head, letting him know I was alright. I could see his sigh of relief from where I stood. Eventually he made his way over to me, just to make sure.

"It couldn't be better timed." I shuddered at what might have transpired if we weren't leaving tonight. I knew for a fact, I wouldn't have gone through with whatever she had planned, which would have ultimately led to my death.

"I hear you, Tex, I hear you. That woman has it in for you." He chuckled a little, squeezing my shoulder.

"Ready?" Bella said from behind me.

"Absolutely," I said with as much enthusiasm as I could without garnering too much attention.

"Okay, then. I'll meet you at the rendezvous," she said callously, and it was still a shock to hear her speak in that tone. Apparently it was for Garrett too, because he grabbed her hand as she started to turn away and pulled her into another embrace.

"You know if you're not there, I'm coming for you," he said lightly.

"That's not the plan," she argued.

"Screw the plan, you just make sure you're there, then we won't have to worry about that," he tried to joke.

"Garrett, you promised me you'd get Jasper out," she whispered.

"I did. But I don't really give a rat's ass about this Texan, that's all you, so if you want him and me to be good, then you'll stick to the plan." He held her cheeks and gently said, "You can't take her out, Nix. We ain't ready for that. There'll be another chance." She closed her eyes while he kissed her forehead, and all I could do was think back to Maria's words … this was a lover's goodbye.

Something was off in their embrace though, like it was one-sided. Bella looked at me awkwardly, and for the first time since seeing her, I realized this would have been the moment when human Bella would have blushed. She averted her eyes from my gaze, nervously running her fingers through her hair. She cleared her throat, pushing away from Garrett.

"Just so we're clear," she said to me. "We get you back to the family, and then we're gone. I don't want to talk about them, _any_ of them."

Her words completely contradicted her emotions. I lowered my head, smirking. "Whatever you say, _Phoenix_ ," I teased. The feeling of hope nestled deep within her invigorated me and I pushed it all back on her.

Despite her grimace, I saw the corner of her lip turn up, even if it was just for a moment.

**2016 -:- Present Day**

"That was the last night I had to spend in that place," Jasper's voice echoed quietly in the morning air.

"What!" I exclaimed. "That's it! You're not going to tell me anything else?" I couldn't believe I had listened to his entire tale just to be cut short without the ending. I understood why Jasper went to the lengths he did to reveal his story. He brought Bella to a place which had pleasant memories for him, where she might feel comfortable, but also a place that was a good distance from the house. It wasn't for the benefit of keeping the family safe, it was for me. There would be enough time on our travels that he could coax me along. He wanted me to recognize it wasn't going to be the same. If Bella had showed up at the house, it would have been absolute chaos. I wouldn't have known her story, I wouldn't have known her, but only how I thought I knew her. He wanted me to become acquainted with her all over again without any preconceived expectations. I understood that now, but it didn't mean I still didn't want to hear the end of it.

"What about this valiant _escape,_ " I said, using his word 'escape' from earlier. "That's not an escape!"

"I told you, there wasn't much to tell." He chuckled. "Garrett and I left through the front gate. That was it. Bella, well, she had a little more difficult time of it, but I'll let her tell that bit."

I gave him a little shove. "I can't believe you."

"What?" He smiled. "Of course we could sit here and build a campfire and I could tell you the rest of it, but do you really want to do that knowing she's down there," he pointed to the lake below us, and to small brown cabin on the edge of it, "waiting for you?"

My eyes followed his finger and everything in my body stilled. I saw the tiny cabin down below. I had expected to see smoke burning from the hearth, but there wasn't. But then, there was no need. Bella was no longer human, what use would fire be for her now? She would no longer feel the cold, or the heat. She wouldn't need to cook something to eat. She didn't need to breathe, a reminder as I realized I wasn't breathing.

I was hoping there would be this irresistible force beckoning me forward, but there wasn't. I wanted to feel the pull of her presence, guiding me toward her, but there wasn't. It was only Jasper, pushing me from behind, urging me to take the next step.

"She's in there?" I asked timidly.

_She is._

"I need a moment," I said.

"You've had ten years," he scoffed. "That's enough moments." He clapped me on the shoulder. "Come on, go begin the life you've been too afraid to live."

He was right. For ten years, I had imagined what this day would be like. I had dreamt up every possible scenario, complete with white gowns, halos and wings. Vampires were not given angels to watch over them, they were reserved for the good—for people like Bella. But somehow, I _was_ given one, Bella was my reward. For what? I still did not fully understand, especially now, knowing I had this second chance. I didn't know why, but here it was. I would never question Carlisle's faith again. I would never question who or what I was. I knew in that instance I had a soul. Carlisle was right. Bella was a vampire, and someone such as her would undoubtedly still have a soul regardless if she was human or not. It was impossible not to believe that. The knowledge of this filled every fiber of my being and gave me the courage to take a step forward, whatever lay ahead, it didn't matter and we could overcome it.

The small distance to the cabin seemed to take longer than the trek we'd just traveled. It felt like I was walking backward. Jasper had wanted to run, but I didn't think my legs would hold, so I surrendered to a fast-paced stride. The closer we got, the feeling I was sorely lacking at the top of the mountain seemed to take hold of me now, and it was luring me in, drawing me forward like my stomach was attached to a rope and I was being dragged by it.

I welcomed it.

 _You ready?_ Jasper asked silently.

"Not in the slightest," I answered honestly.

_Be brave, brother._

The cabin had seen better days. There were a few holes in the roof, and some of the windows were gone, but it was standing, just like me. We were steps from the front porch when the door swung open. I stopped short as I searched the shadows. The door filled with an extremely large man with long sandy-colored hair, and again I felt the vague familiarity that I knew him from somewhere. He stepped over the threshold and quickly shut the door.

"Tex," his face broke into a large grin, "you made it." He began walking down the few steps toward us. I couldn't help but be affronted by his intimacy with Jasper. They'd only known each other a few months and he spoke to him as if he were family. His thoughts were warm and affectionate—at least they were until he turned his attentions to me.

 _Huh,_ he said in his head as he looked me up and down. _Not sure what all the fuss is about._

"Garrett, good to see you, man," Jasper answered back with a quick one-armed hug. I could tell Jasper was trying to work the emotions between me and Garrett. _Edward, be nice._ Jasper turned to me, smiling, he could feel my hostility. "This is my brother, Edward."

"Yeah, I figured as much," he said casually. "She'll be glad you didn't bring the whole clan."

My body tensed at his words, my fists clenching, and Jasper's calm soothing waves seemed to float over me.

"Well, I didn't really get much of a choice," Jasper said, gesturing toward his appearance.

"I see that, too. No rest for the wicked, I guess."

Both of their thoughts were amusing in themselves. Jasper was trying to reassure me about Garrett, while Garrett was mentally tabulating reasons why he was not impressed by me. I didn't care, and was tired of listening to them banter about the journey here. I blocked them out and tried to attune the rest of my senses to inside of the cabin. I heard someone pacing inside. I smiled a little realizing she was just as nervous as I was. A small part of me searched for the heartbeat my body knew so well. There was nothing but silence. There was no blood to call out to me.

"Well, come on. Let's get this over with," Garrett said reluctantly. I scowled and his hand shot out grabbing my arm. _I'll warn you now, pretty boy, you do anything to upset her in any way, I'll break that pretty, little head of yours. Got it?_

I didn't respond, only pulled my arm from his grasp while staring him down. I felt Jasper's hand on my shoulder.

_Edward, let it go. This is a time to be joyous, not bitter._

Garrett opened the door, and gestured for me to go in. I took a deep breath, and stepped through allowing my eyes to adjust to the inside of the room. She was over in the corner, her back to me. She was wearing the same clothes I'd seen in Jasper's head. Some old, khaki pants and a long-sleeved, blue button up shirt with the collar turned down. It fitted tightly to her shoulders, which seemed sharper than I remembered, and her torso was more slender than the way I pictured her all these years. Her hair had been unruly and almost wild in Jasper's thoughts, but to me it was nothing but silky and shiny and full. Her silhouette was an absolute vision to me.

Her arms were crossed, wrapping around her like she was holding herself together.

"Nix," Garrett said behind me, and she flinched a little. I wasn't even bothered all that much by what he called her. My only thoughts were of her.

She unfolded her arms and pressed them against the wall. Her head was lowered, like she was trying to push it, hoping it would push back, giving her the courage to turn around. I knew the feeling all too well. I stood rooted to my spot, my body clenched with the need to do something, anything. She was going to have to turn around, for all I felt was an overwhelming sense of ache.

She straightened up very slowly, her hair falling back below her shoulders. I saw her chest rise and fall, and a small whimper escaped her as she moved her left foot, then her right. A tremble ran over my body anticipating seeing her angelic face after all these years. She turned, and the threat of a thousand deaths filled my heart…my soul.

"Bella."

"Edward."

We said the words at the same time, and it broke the electrified tension in the air as we half-smiled, half-laughed. And the next moment, we were both in the middle of the room only inches from each other, too afraid to touch the other. I raised a hand tentatively to touch her face just to make certain she truly was standing in front of me, for a part of me still believed this wasn't happening. She mirrored my hand, and we stopped short of making contact.

It felt like we were invisible to the others, like we were alone, just the two of us, and the world had disappeared all around us and the only thing that existed was the electricity humming between her body and mine. The throbbing made it seem like I had a pulse again, and I was sure she could feel it too. Her expression must have matched my own, filled with wonder and amazement. More than anything I wanted to feel her against me, I needed to for fear I would disappear all together. I remembered this feeling. I closed my eyes and reached out. The heat was urgent, even more so than when she was human. The pulse echoed deep within me, hitting every possible nerve ending all at once. It was instant and the only thing that resonated was her touch, her smell … just her. Smiling, I opened my eyes as if I was drunk off the very essence of her. I was in such a haze. I didn't even see her fist slam into the side of my head. I sure felt it, though, as I went barreling across the other side of the room, slamming into the wall falling on my backside. The wood groaned and creaked at the contact.

" _What the hell?_ " I said, shaking my head and rubbing the side of my head.

Jasper howled. "Alice was right! The mysterious girl just knocked you on your ass."

"I can do that now," Bella said. "Ten years ago, I couldn't." She smiled down at me. " _That_ felt good. You deserved that."

Jasper and Garrett were laughing openly, but I chose to ignore them. I would humble myself in front of anyone for this woman. My heart tightened, feeling every word she was saying. I did deserve it and so much more from her and I was willing to take it. I moved to my knees because there was no other gesture worthy of her. Here she was, my angel, my savior, alive and I knew beyond a doubt I didn't deserve her. Even on my knees it wasn't enough, and I fell forward, placing my head in my hands.

I heard the others quietly leave the room. I had hoped it was only them and she was still here with me, but I dared not look up. Seconds felt like hours, as I held my breath waiting for her to say something. I felt a gentle touch on my shoulder and the angel whispered my name, and again, my heart shattered into pieces.

"Edward," she said softly. "I'm sorry."

She was apologizing to me? It wasn't right, after all this I couldn't have her apologizing to me, I couldn't bear it. I deserved whatever she planned to dole out to me and I would take it, every scream, every hit, punch, yell; I would gladly take it all.

I could feel her touch, reluctant as it was, and it seared through my skin, burning deep again to the depths of my soul. Everything was on fire . I was alive for the first time in a century.

"I don't deserve you," I said breathing out a sigh.

Her grip squeezed tighter as she tried to get me to sit up. "Edward, look at me, please." I fought against her. "Please?"

I was terrified that if I looked up she would disappear, vanish right before my eyes, like she was some apparition, or even worse, she would walk out the door. So I stayed there, grabbing tight to my head, rocking back and forth a little bit. Her other hand lay gently on my other shoulder, and she let out a deep sigh.

"There were many times, I thought I wasn't real, that I had died and I was in an eternal hell for all those years. I would pray I would wake up one day, and it would all be a dream, but that's kind of difficult when you don't sleep. I assure you, I'm very real."

Her voice was as I remembered it, soft, but more sultry, like she'd seen a thousand lifetimes, and I supposed she had. It warmed my body, and I wanted her to keep talking. With every breath and every sound, that spark buried deep in my heart blazed brighter.

"You always were one for the melodramatics, Edward. I thought you would have found 'some distractions.'" Her voice was still soft, but there was a hint of bitterness laced in it. " _You_ left _me_ remember?"

My head snapped up, I stared into her face, her heartbreakingly beautiful face and all I could do was gasp.

She immediately placed her hands to her face, covering herself, and looked down at the indentations from my elbows in the floor where I had been pressing down.

"I'm sorry," she said again. "I know I must not be what you expected. They'll change c–color," she stammered. She was apologizing again, and my brain could not catch up with all that was happening. _Color?_ I must have had a look of confusion on my face.

"My eyes," she said barely above a whisper, and I had to strain my ears to hear the rest. "I never had a choice."

This was my Bella, Strong, yet vulnerable. As a human, Bella was the strongest person I had ever known. Her strength as a person was always something I admired, yet as a human, she was vulnerable, fragile and I had the desire to protect her. Here, sitting in front of me with her hands on her face, she was the same. She was a vampire now, physically strong and indestructible, but her vulnerability was now in who she was. She was still my Bella, strong and vulnerable all rolled into one, and more than ever I felt the desire to shelter her—to shield her—from anything and anyone who would harm her, and that included me.

I still did not trust my voice. So I placed my hands on her wrists, and removed her hands from her face, tilting her chin so I could look directly into her eyes. Her eyes were downcast though. For the first time in ten years, I didn't have the privilege of hearing someone's thoughts. It was refreshing and frustrating, and highly amusing to me at how much I had missed this feeling. I wanted to hear what was going on in her head, but that wasn't going to happen. Her eyes would tell me everything and I would wait patiently for her to look at me.

She fidgeted with the edge of her shirt, biting her lip, and I could feel her quivering. I gently placed a kiss on each eyelid. I truly had not seen her red eyes, and it was the least of my concerns. Whatever her diet, whatever her nature, I would follow her anywhere.

After what seemed like hours, she finally looked up at me through her thick fringe of lashes that I had sorely missed all these years. The spark nestled deep in my heart was no longer, it was a full on blaze, and my body reacted. I pulled her hard against me, setting my lips on hers. I didn't know what I expected but all I knew was that I needed her. The steady rhythm of her heart was no longer, and with it my blood lust for her. The inexplicable pull I felt for her blood was gone, and I breathed a sigh of relief as I realized it was her I desired, it was never her blood.

As I leaned down pressing her body against the floor, I felt myself groan at the feeling of her beneath me. I never imagined that I would have this opportunity ever again, and it was as if all this sorrow, all this rage in me was coming out and all I wanted to do was possess her, make her mine, and never leave her side. I pushed her down, pinning her body beneath me, when I heard a little whisper.

"Wait … wait … wait," she said through shallow breaths. I wasn't sure if I was imagining it, so my lips continued to move over her own, my hands were urgent but caring, trying to gather up all of her at once. "Stop, please," she cried, but I couldn't stop. I needed her. I needed this.

"STOP!" she yelled, and I felt myself hurling across the room for the second time. I slammed against the wall of the cabin, only this time, the wood splintered all around me. I couldn't move. I was pressed up against the wall, unable to move my limbs. This is what Jasper must have meant about Bella's power. She _was_ strong, and a part of me was shocked, but the other part of me was pleased.

"It's not that simple, Edward," she said boldly, standing up, wiping her mouth with the sleeve of her shirt. "You can't just do that. It doesn't work like that. I'm not that person anymore. We're two different people. I was forced to grow up."

My first reaction was to recoil, to accept she was right, but Jasper's words filled my head … _fight for her._

"I know you've moved on, Bella." Her eyebrows shot up questioningly. "Jasper says he's a good man. I understand the two of you have shared more than I can ever imagine." Her face dawned in recognition as she realized I knew about her and Garrett. "You've gone through hell and back with each other, but I still have to try." I gave her one of my crooked grins. "You're my life. Even after all these years, I've carried you with me. I never gave up."

"But you did," she argued. "You gave up that day back in Forks. _That's_ the day I died. Maybe not in body, but in spirit. You destroyed that girl when you left her in the woods," she choked out her words and she couldn't look me in the eyes. "She doesn't exist anymore," she whispered.

I was still stuck up against the wall, unable to move from her power. It felt exactly how Jasper described. A huge pressure enveloped me, pressing down on every part of me. I wanted to go to her, to caress her and comfort her.

"Can you let me go, please?" I asked. "I thought this only worked on the weak-minded."

She laughed a little. "It works when people are at their weakest, not the weak-minded. And you…were pretty weak back there." She rolled her eyes at me, but I felt the pressure releasing. "I'll let you go, but you have to give me some space."

"I can respect that, and I'm sorry. I guess I _was_ at my weakest." I ran my hands through my hair, and saw in the shadows it was standing on end.

"Still have that nervous habit?"

"Ah, yes, I guess I do," I mumbled. There was an uncomfortable silence between us while we stood across the room from each other. "Do you love him?" I blurted out.

"What?" she asked confused.

"Garrett. Do you love him?"

"Yes," she answered immediately.

She didn't offer anything further, but the truth of her answer hurt me like I was sure it was intended. I could only nod, not trusting myself to say anything further. She looked upset though. I knew the many expressions of Bella, those had not changed.

"I'll always love you," I whispered.

"You can't say that, Edward. You don't know me. You love the old, fragile human girl. Not me. Not this," her hands motioned the length of her body, "or this." She pulled up the sleeve of her shirt and I could see the scars from where I stood. They were similar to Jasper's and ran up and down the length of her arm. I pushed away from the wall, and slowly walked toward her.

"I don't want your pity," she said.

"You won't get it," I answered back with an even tone.

She held her breath, as I reached for her arm. The electricity hummed between us again. "You feel that, right?" I raised my eyebrows. "That does not lie." I leaned forward and gently pressed my lips to her forearm, kissing the biggest scar that was present. "That's real."

"Please don't," she said softly, but her words were not convincing.

"Okay," I said stopping and raising my hands from her skin. "I won't touch you again unless you ask me to."

She closed her eyes and breathed a sigh of relief.

"I know you feel it. You can tell me you've moved on, but I never will. I'll wait. It's a small price to pay to spend eternity with you. Because I will, I'll wait a lifetime for you."

"Well, it doesn't matter because I'm leaving tomorrow. I never should have left with Jasper. I'm going back," she said, turning from me and walking to the only glass window that was still intact.

Her words slammed into me harder than the cabin wall I'd just hit. "Bella," my voice cracked at the sound of her name. "You can't go back. You don't have to stay with me, but you can't go back there."

"I have to, they'll be tracking me. I know it was wrong of me to leave, to lead them here, but I was selfish. I had to know." She was fighting to get the words out, and I didn't believe for one second she was choosing to go back.

"Is it Garrett? Is he making you go back?"

"What? No!"

"Then I'll go with you."

"You can't, Edward," she said shaking her head.

"I'll go wherever you go. I won't leave your side again."

"No! You can't come! She'll kill you if you do."

"That's what you're afraid of? I've suffered through your death a thousand times over, I'm not about to let you slip away from me. Bella, I go where you go."

"Edward, they're tracking me right now. Maria needs me for her army, she won't stop, and wherever I go, she'll come and bring her army, destroying everything in its path."

I was getting angry at her pigheadedness; I just wanted her to be reasonable. The self-sacrificing Bella had already played her part, she didn't need an encore. "I'll follow you," I argued. "I'd rather be dead than know you're out there somewhere. Be reasonable, Bella, I haven't changed all that much in ten years. You know I'll do this."

"But _I've_ changed," she pleaded with me. She hesitated with what she was going to say next. I could see by the set in her shoulders, and the way she dropped her head. "You're not what I want anymore," she finally managed to say.

"You're lying. I still can't read your mind, but you're lying, Bella."

She laughed, disregarding me. "Think what you want, but it's the truth."

"Then why even come back at all?" I asked, second guessing myself.

"Jasper wouldn't leave unless I left with him. Maria was going to kill him. So I had to come, and now I have to go back. That's all."

"I don't believe you, Bella."

"Stop saying that name!" she yelled, stomping her foot.

"Bella," I said through gritted teeth. "That's who you are."

"No, it isn't."

" _Bella_."

"Stop it!"

"Not until you tell me what I want to hear."

"You don't get to make decisions for me, Edward! I'm not that person anymore!" she screamed, as her chest was pumping up and down. "That Bella is long gone. She's dead!" She punched her hand through the glass, shattering it all around her.

Immediately I was at her side, examining her for wounds, automatically holding my breath for the scent of blood.

She looked at me sadly. "See? I'm not her."

I dropped my hands in defeat, my shoulders slumping. "You're right," I managed to breathe out.

Jasper and Garrett came rushing into the cabin. Our private time was over as they were now concerned for both of our safety. Jasper held his hands up, sending peaceful, soothing vibes in the room. He was looking at us both, wide-eyed, unsure of what had happened.

_You okay?_

I nodded briefly, as I watched Garrett comfort Bella in his arms. That was supposed to be me. The pain was back, and the flame was dying. Garrett's thoughts were only of concern for Bella. He was looking at me over her head.

_You can't make her angry. It's not pretty._

"Noted," I said sarcastically.

Bella's head snapped around looking at the three of us. "There will be no silent conversations about me. You got that?" She pointed her finger at each of us. Jasper held his hands up and shrugged, feigning innocence, while I just gave her a cynical look.

"It's okay, Nix."

 _Nix?_ She was _Bella_ , and this vampire was seriously getting on my last nerve.

"What did you say to her?" Garrett asked.

"I don't have to explain anything to you," I spat out.

"Edward…" Jasper said, trying to calm me down again. He was trying to keep the peace between all of us, but it was no use. I wasn't going to like this guy, not while he stood between me and Bella.

"Garrett, it's nothing, really." She patted him on the chest, also trying to calm him down.

_So help me, if you hurt her again._

"I wasn't." I placed my hands on top of my head. I had come so close. So close to all that I had ever wanted, and here was this man, this man who clearly cared for Bella, and Bella cared for him, standing in my way. "We were disagreeing over her future plans."

"What kind of future plans?" Garrett and Jasper asked.

"Edward," Bella warned.

So … I hasn't shared her plans with Garrett. Interesting, I thought, mulling it over. If I couldn't get her to stay, maybe Garrett could.

"What's he talking about?" Garrett looked down at Bella.

"Nothing. He's not talking about anything." She glowered at me, and I knew that face. She was warning me to stay quiet. I smiled defiantly at her in response.

"She told me she's going back. She's going back to Maria."

"You're what!" Garrett roared. "After all we went through to get out, you're going back?"

"Garrett, please, this isn't the right time to discuss this."

"Yes, it is." He pushed her away, holding her at arm's length. "Is this to do with him?" He pointed his thumb at me. "You'd rather go back than be near him?" He laughed. "'Cause I can fix that real quick."

Jasper held me back, knowing I was about to go after him. _Easy…he's just messing with you._

"You know I have to go back," Bella said. "Someone has to destroy her."

"Then we'll all do it," I offered.

"No, it has to be me."

"What, because you're suddenly the chosen one, _Phoenix,_ " I spat out her new name.

"As a matter of fact, yes, I am."

"We don't get a say, is that it?" I said, "So you and your lover can save the world, and we'll sit back and watch you do it?"

 _Lover?_ I heard Garrett's thoughts, and he started to chuckle.

"I make my own decisions now!"

Bella and I were standing toe to toe and continued to yell at each other, while Jasper and Garrett looked on. The sound of our voices echo across the lake and over the mountains. Neither of us were hearing what the other was saying, only thinking the other was wrong and being completely absurd. I felt the pressure building up around her again, the air vibrating as her anger took hold. A loud piercing whistle broke through the room, and the two of us stopped screaming mid-sentence.

Jasper started to chuckle. "You two are behaving like children."

"No," Garrett piped in, "like lovers."

"You're right! I can taste the tension between the two of them. So heated." Their laughter was deep, coming straight up from the belly.

"Nix, listen," Garrett reasoned, "the idea of you and me as lovers is flattering, hilarious, but flattering. I know you love me, and I you. But this man," he pointed to me, "well now … he owns your soul. Always has."

Garrett was holding her hands, rubbing them tenderly, and my body ached to touch her in the same way. But it finally dawned on me. It was a tender touch, nothing more. All of their touches had been. Every memory of Jasper's came rushing back, and it was clear now, and I couldn't help but rejoice.

Jasper was standing beside me and was projecting it back to me. _Huh,_ he said smugly in his head.

"Now, you two figure this out," Garrett said in a loud, authoritative voice, "and there'll be no more talk of you going back to that she-devil. There are three good men in this room who won't stand for it, and it's likely to get us killed when we go after you. 'Cause, God damn it, woman, you know we will." He gently chucked her chin with his fist, and she tried to force back her smile, but she couldn't. "That's better." He smiled in return. "Come on, Tex, why don't you show me what this whole vegetarian diet's all about." He put his arm around Jasper's weathered form, and I felt a twinge of jealousy toward the man. He knew Bella better than I did, and now to watch him so at ease with my brother, made me rethink all that had happened in the last ten years.

It should have been me.

Garrett turned to me one last time before walking through the door. _Edward, I trust you to make this right between the two of you._

It was almost as if he knew I was second guessing myself again, and I resented him for it. How was I going to measure up to this man? He had been there for both of them when they needed it. Jasper was right, he was a good man, better than me. I would never measure up.

They left us this time. They weren't waiting outside the cabin, ready to step in if necessary. The stark realization that we were alone, terrified me. We were strangers, stripped away of our façades now, completely vulnerable to each other. My body felt her presence behind me, and it quivered with anticipation.

"Now would be the time where I'd be crying if I still were human," she said lightly trying to ease the strain between us.

Turning, I realized I was unaccountably shy. I wanted to touch her, lightly trace the bones in cheeks over and over again, feel every inch of her face, memorize every new feature, but I had said I wouldn't, not until she asked me to. I looked up at her questioningly instead. "So you and Garrett never…"

She smiled, placing her hand on my cheek, rubbing her thumb over the bones beneath my skin. "Edward," she sighed, "don't you know by now?"

"What's that?"

"It's always been you."


	24. In the Midst of Life, We are in Death

**CHAPTER 23**

**-:- In the Midst of Life, We are in Death -:-**

* * *

**2016 -:- Present Day**

" _It's always been you."_

The words were whispered, but they seemed to echo around the room, vibrating deep within me. _It's always been you,_ she had said the words sighing and smiling sadly, because she _was_ sad. I still knew her face, and at a time when we should have been rejoicing, neither of us could.

She dropped her hand from my cheek, and turned walking across the room away from me. The sound of her footsteps seemed to hammer home the notion that we were a long way from filling the emptiness that both of us were feeling. She was different, that was undeniable. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I could still love her, but could she love me? Had I done enough?

These past ten years I had been doing everything to redeem myself for that judgment day I invariably knew I would be facing. And now that time had come. I was not going to be judged by whatever greater being was out there, but judged by her, and that thought terrified me more than facing Carlisle's God. There was so much to explain and so much I wanted to know from her, it all seemed too overwhelming to even start. I wanted to forget it all, just hold her, and wish it all away. A part of me thought it would have been easier if we had met in the afterlife. We could leave behind all the demons we'd both been carrying, and just … be.

But here, with the threat of reality breathing down our necks, it could never happen that way. We had to lay it all on the table for the other to see if we were going to be able to move on.

"What do we do now?" I managed to ask, starting the conversation we both were dreading.

She turned slowly, acknowledging that she understood.

"It won't be the same."

"I know."

"It can't be."

"I know."

"You can't treat me like the fragile little human I was."

"I never thought you—"

"Yes," she cut me off, "you did."

"I know." I sighed again. Because she was right. I had wanted to protect her with every fiber of my being when she was human. So much, that I had risked everything to keep her safe. I still wanted to do that, but these past ten years I had come to the conclusion what I had done was wrong. She was my mate. I hated using that term, because she was so much more than that, but that's what she was. She was my other half, my soul, and if that was going to be possible, I had to treat her as an equal, a true partner in every sense.

I was strong and determined, but inside, I was a mess, always had been. Bella calmed my inner chaos, she gave me a sense of peace no one ever had. It wasn't just her mind, giving me the sanctity of not having to hear her thoughts, but she soothed the inner demon I had carried around since the day I had been turned.

"If I say I only did it to protect you, would you believe me?" I asked. "It sounds simple, and it's definitely not a good enough explanation, but it really is the truth."

"Protect me," she said softly, almost as if she was testing the words on her lips. She laughed, her head was down and her hair created a veil over her face, blocking me from her expression. "The irony, huh?" she asked still not looking up from me. "Protect me from what, exactly?"

The explanations I came up with in my head all sounded ridiculous. I left to protect her, but she was right. From what? I wanted to give her a normal life, and with me, she never would have had that. But now look at her. Her days had been numbered the moment I had crossed her path, I just didn't want to accept it at the time. If I had 'gotten my head out of my ass' as Emmett far too often described it, I would have seen that we had always been destined for a life together. But because of my determined, selfish ways, we had to take the hard road to get here. It _was_ my fault. I wanted to protect her from this life, but I should have known I couldn't protect her from fate. So what was I protecting her from? Because it sure wasn't Victoria, or becoming a vampire. I was protecting her from …

"Me," I answered her. "I was protecting you from me. I don't expect you to understand. I don't fully understand it myself. Looking back, it was the stupidest excuse I've ever come up with. I was a fool. Everything was so new to me and I know I was scared." I had gone over this conversation so many times in my head. I had it all planned out as to what I would say to her, how I would explain why I left, but that was when I imagined her as Bella, the eighteen year old human. We had both lived lifetimes since then. Even though I was over a hundred years old when I left her, I was still a child. It was so easy to revert back to my old ways with her here in front of me, but remembering what I had said to myself only a few hours ago with Jasper, I knew Bella needed the man I had become.

"I didn't leave because I didn't want you," I explained. "I hope you know that."

"I think I always knew that, but was too afraid to believe that you could just leave me. It was easier to believe you didn't want me." She finally raised her head, flipping her hair behind her shoulders. She grabbed it in her hands, and twisted it placing it over one side of her shoulder. "When I saw Jasper, I think it was harder to take knowing that you were alive all this time, but didn't come find me."

"We thought you were …"

"Jasper told me. It's still hard to take, harder than thinking I was not what you wanted. Because it means, you gave up on us. You didn't believe in us enough to let me make my own decisions. You didn't think I was capable of choosing my own life. And that means you thought of me as a child, not as your partner, or your equal."

We were silent for a few moments. It was awkward, and I wished for the day when our silences wouldn't be so uncomfortable.

"Do you resent me?" I asked, realizing she must harbor some hatred toward me even if she wouldn't admit it freely.

She sat down on the floor, with her knees bent and her head leaning up against the wall.

"How could I not?" she said simply. "It seems like another world, another lifetime that we were Edward and … Bella. I wanted you to let me love you as _you_ were. But you couldn't do that. You couldn't accept our differences, and now that I'm like you, I can't help but think it's too late. You should've been brave enough to let me decide whether or not to become one of you." She absently rubbed her arm, like she was erasing the pain from the scars that were visible there. "All of this could have been avoided." She wrapped her arms around her knees, resting her head down, tilting it so she was facing me. She wasn't looking at me though, but almost like she was looking through me, thinking of some distant memory.

My throat constricted, as I waited for her to finish. She hadn't asked me to leave, yet, and even if she did, I knew I wouldn't be able to. She surprised me again, by patting the space beside her, gesturing for me to sit. I hesitated, and she gave me a welcoming smile that immediately seemed to pull at me, guiding me to sit next to her.

"I spent three days burning in pain and woke up to a world on fire. I'm not going to lie to you, Edward. We're beyond lies now. I thought I was dead, I was convinced of it." I couldn't help but look away at the mention of her death, but she continued despite my discomfort. "I honestly thought I was living in hell. The world was nothing but ash and dust, and I couldn't make sense of it. But despite all that chaos around me, all I thought about was you, and how you left me to face it all alone." She paused, resting her head on her knees. "Phil and Renee were dead, and I assumed Charlie was too. My world had finally ended, just like I'd wished for." Closing her eyes, she whispered, "I resented you. I resented all of you." She breathed deeply, and straightened up. "But that was a long time ago," she said louder, her voice direct and unwavering.

"Harboring that resentment wasn't going to change anything. Garrett taught me that, and I'm grateful for it. I'm not sure where I'd be if I'd let it take over. I've seen what hatred can do. It festers, and manifests itself in the most unfathomable way. I could've easily turned down that road, and I might have, had it not been for him. He's all I have."

"That's not true," I offered feebly, not wanting to interrupt her, but feeling compelled to do so.

"Yes, it is. I won't pretend to put on a smile and say I'm okay for you, because I'm not. I stand on my own now, Edward, because I can't lose myself to you again. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't go back to who I was. You made me weak, and I can't afford to be that right now. My first priority is Maria. She has to die, and I'll be the one to do it. What rose from the ashes that day in Phoenix was not the person you fell in love with."

I digested what she was saying; trying to see these changes she was so adamant about. They were there, more subtle than what she was trying to convince me of though. She was strong and forthright but these were just parts of Bella that seemed to be amplified now that she was a vampire. I couldn't help but wonder if she was convincing herself more than she was convincing me. She was still Bella, more than she wanted to admit to herself.

"We'll all destroy Maria. You're not alone anymore. I'll help you. I'll follow you anywhere. There's the two of us now, and as much as you think you've changed into this other person … this _Phoenix_ , _"_ the word caught in my throat, "you're still Bella deep down."

"Sometimes I wish that were true, but it's not. I haven't gone by that name in years and I'd wish you'd stop using it. I'm not her." She was agitated, and ran her hands through her hair sending the scent of her up into my nose causing me to smile at the familiarity of it.

"I'm sorry, I'll never be able to call you anything but Bella. She's still in there. Blood may no longer run through your veins, but it doesn't mean you're not the same inside. Flesh, bones, blood … that's not what makes a person who they are."

She was scrutinizing the expression on my face. She wanted to believe me, but I saw the doubt. She was too afraid to let herself believe.

"But I've done things. Things I'm not proud of."

"So have I."

"I've killed people."

"So have I." I laughed at the irony of this, it was unavoidable. She knew exactly what I had done in my past, yet she was trying to convince me that _she_ was a killer.

"But I've—"

I interrupted her. "There's nothing you could confess to me that would scare me away from you. I'm here to stay, forever." I was as sincere as I possibly could be, and I raised my hand, wanting to touch her, but I had made a promise I wouldn't, and I wasn't about to break that promise to her, not now. Instead, we were caught in each other's gaze, both of us apprehensive that neither of us were enough for the other.

"Any words I choose to say will never be enough," I said quietly, clearing my throat to help the words come out. "You should hate me, but yet, you say you don't. A part of me wishes you would, because it would make it easier for me to continue to hate myself. You sit here, like the angel I've always known you to be, and offer me more than I could ever have hoped for. I don't deserve you, I never have. I'll spend the rest of my days trying to be worthy of you, worthy of your love, and your forgiveness." I wanted to touch her, gather her up in my arms and weep for all that I had done to her. If I thought it would help, I would have, but a part of me felt she needed me to be strong in this moment, maybe I was wrong, but any attempt I made to grovel would be lost on her. She didn't need pathetic Edward, I could see it in the set of her shoulders. This Bella understood weaknesses and the last thing I wanted her to think was that she was my weakness, because she was far from that. She gave me the strength to live.

"Bella," I said taking a deep breath, "vampire or human, you are and always will be the most exquisite being to ever have graced my life. God has granted me this gift for a second time, and for the life of me, I can't figure out what I've done to deserve it. But this time, I won't be a coward. I'll never be afraid again." I moved away from the wall, swinging my legs around so I was facing her now.

"I can't begin to understand what you've went through. Jasper shared some of it, what it was like." I paused, hoping to get the words out without cracking. "Ten years passed under the most dire of circumstances, but the Bella I knew _was_ strong. Stronger than anyone I've ever known. She would never fade away. She had too much life in her. I see you. Your heart may not be beating, but I see you. You can try to tell me that you've changed, I have too, but that doesn't mean I don't know what or who you are. You're still her."

She wasn't looking at me, instead, she watched the wind move through the pines outside the window. I saw the struggle in her face, as if she was battling with the two identities that had taken root inside her, not sure which one would emerge, I said the only thing I hoped would help.

"I'll always love you, Bella."

I didn't know how she would take it, but I couldn't stop myself from saying it. I needed her to know that no matter what she tried to tell me, I wasn't going anywhere.

Her back stiffened and the features on her face were hard just for a moment before they softened and she whispered, "Say it again."

"I love you," I said eagerly without hesitating for a second.

"No," she shook her head, her hair falling around her shoulders. "My name. Say it again."

Staring intently at her, and with a steady voice, I said, "Bella." I didn't draw it out, or whisper it. I said it clearly, with compassion, hoping it would resonate like I had meant it to.

She closed her eyes and a slow smile spread on her lips.

"Again."

"Bella." This time I whispered it, my voice dropping an octave letting her know how much I enjoyed saying it.

She nodded her head, willing me to say it again. So I did. Over and over until she was satisfied with hearing it. I didn't need her blushes to know she was pleased. It was written on her face, and when she finally opened her eyes there was a sparkle there, overpowering the red that had replaced the brown I was so accustomed to.

"It's been so long," she whispered, "since I've heard that name and been happy to hear it."

"I'll keep saying it until you believe again."

"That may take awhile."

"You're still my Bella."

"Hardly."

"Why do you say that?"

"I'm afraid you won't like what I've become."

"That wouldn't be possible."

She eyed me suspiciously. I could see she was mulling something over. She was picking at some dried mud on her pants, trying to scrape it off with her fingernail. The pants were well-worn; the material on her knees was threadbare with only a few fragments left before it would split wide open.

"I don't have many things, possessions, I mean. Other than a few changes of clothes—"

"I'm sure Alice will rectify that." I tried to make light of the situation, and she smiled warmly at me. Her smile was so stoic, I felt like a fool for saying what I did. "You know none of that matters to me," I said, clarifying my position. "It's all meaningless."

She nodded her understanding, and stayed silent for a minute more.

"I have only one thing that I've carried with me all this time," she said softly, almost inaudibly.

I was shocked to hear that, my mouth was dry wondering in anticipation as to what it could be, a token of something from her past life possibly. Reflexively, I reached down to my pocket feeling the edges of the bottle cap I still carried with me after all these years. I hoped her token had brought her comfort just like this piece of metal had brought me time and time again.

She leaned away from me, reaching for a tattered, canvas bag that was resting in the corner. She placed it in front of her, opening the tarnished silver clasps, one by one.

"This is all I have, all that mattered enough to bring with me." She pulled out a beaten up, leather covered, ancient-looking journal. There were pieces of rough paper sticking out of it, and it was bound together with a cord of leather wrapped around it tightly a number of times. She tapped it in the palm of her hand, sighing deeply before looking at me.

"This is me," she said quietly. She lifted my wrist carefully and placed the journal gently in my up-turned hand. It wasn't heavy, but it felt like the weight of the world was resting there.

"I want you to read it. I don't think I could tell you everything you need to know. My feelings now are not what they were. And if you want to know who I am, you have to know all of it."

We sat in silence for a moment. The sun was setting, and the shadows in the corners of the room seemed as if they were alive. There was nothing but the sound of the rustling of the leaves outside, as the wind continued to whip through the evergreens. I was afraid to speak, knowing that whatever I said would be inadequate for what she had just given me. My fingers traced every scratch, every dent in the leather. I raised it to my nose and inhaled deeply. I imagined it smelled exactly as Jasper had described Maria's caves, but it still didn't overpower her scent. Her essence was ingrained in the pages. I knew how much this meant to her and what it meant to give it to me.

"Garrett gave it to me about a year after I was changed. So I wouldn't forget. He said my memories would fade and I'd regret it if they did. I wanted to let them go, but he wanted me to hold on to who I was. I don't know … it's all just silly drivel if you ask me. It's pretty pathetic, really." She was rambling now, nervous, and she reached out to take it back. I placed my hand over hers, breaking my promise of not touching her. I softly gripped her fingers to stop her from twitching in nervousness.

"Bella," my voice was rough and thick with emotion, "thank you." I said it simply, hoping she would understand the power behind my words. This was more than some silly token, more than any gift I could have imagined, a peek into her very soul. I didn't know what I would find in there, my only hope was that she didn't hate me. I didn't expect her forgiveness, I didn't want a reprieve, but I wanted some hope that we could start over.

I touched the end of the leather cord, toying with it between my fingers.

"You may not like what you find," she said, breaking me out of my reverie.

"Hardly," I scoffed, using her word.

She leaned into me, bumping my shoulder, laughing a little. "I warned you."

I stood up abruptly, and walked over to the fireplace, looking around for wood to light a fire. She was on her feet following me with a look of panic on her face.

"You don't have to read it, but please don't—"

"Bella," I assured her holding her shoulders, "it'll be dark soon, I want the light to read." She could protest as much as she wanted to as to how she had changed, but here was my Bella standing in front of me. The one that was still unsure of my intentions. It was going to take a lot to get her to trust me again, but this time I wouldn't give up. I would never walk away from her, not in this life or the next.

"I'll read every single word that is written in here," I said slowly, lifting the journal, placing it between us. "If it's written by your hand, I _will_ read it." I raised my eyebrows, pursing my lips. "I've longed for you for ten years, and I wish I'd never missed a second of your life, but it's as you said, I can't change that. But now you're giving me this gift to have some of those pieces of your life back. Good or bad, I'll take every moment of it." I placed my hand on the cover of her journal, feeling the strength buried within it. " _Thank_ you."

I lit a fire in the fireplace, hoping the chimney was not blocked and we wouldn't be surrounded in black smoke soon. I waited for a few minutes, until eventually the flame took hold of the wood sending the smoke up the flue and the shadows of the room disappeared in its light. There wasn't a comfortable place to sit, but it didn't really matter, so I resumed my seat against the wall. She hadn't moved from her spot in front of the fireplace the entire time I was getting wood and lighting the fire. I let her be, alone in her thoughts. I didn't need to push her anymore than I had already. But when I sat down crossing my legs out in front of me and sighing lightly, she finally looked up. She was hesitant, almost timid again. She didn't know where to go while I would be sitting, getting the opportunity to read her thoughts. Finally after all this time, I mused silently.

I had always kept journals over the years—inner ramblings of a narcissist, I'd always called them. I'd be mortified to have anyone read them, especially with me sitting next to them. Bella's, however, would be a far cry from my ego-driven words. I wanted to share this with her, so I raised my arm extending an invitation to join me. I held my breath waiting for her to accept while she quickly glanced to the door, contemplating her escape, and then in a blink of an eye she was sitting next to me, nestled into my side with my arm around her. It was still hard to get used to how fast and graceful she could move. A part of me expected her to stumble, or trip into my arms. I wasn't disappointed, it was just different and like so many things, it would take time to adapt.

The one thing that did seem to be constant was the electricity between us. It was instant, but it settled, connecting us by creating a warming sensation that could have easily been from the fire, but it wasn't. I hadn't felt this kind of heat in years, not since I used to touch her while blood flowed in her veins. I wondered if she felt it too. It would undoubtedly be just as foreign to her. She never would have experienced this warmth from me while she rested against my body as a human. I wanted to question her if she had ever felt this with Garrett, but I knew better than to ruin the moment with my own insecurities.

"I don't know where else to go," she said, her mouth pressing against my chest while her eyes remained closed. I could have sworn she sniffed my shirt.

"Did you just smell me?" I asked, not hiding my laughter. Her eyes popped open and she moved to push away from me, but I held firm. I wasn't about to let her get away that easily.

"No!" she protested. "No, I didn't. Well, okay, maybe for a second, but I was just seeing if you smelled the same. You know, with my super-smelling and all." She would have been as red as a tomato right now, had she been human. It was comforting to know she could still get embarrassed just as easily.

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

"Do I smell the same?" I asked, feigning exasperation.

She rolled her eyes, letting me stew a little bit while she thought of a response. She reached for the journal, and I pulled it away, waiting for her to answer. She nestled into my side again and I vaguely heard her whisper, "Better."

My face split wide into a genuine grin. "So do you."

She leaned away from me, looking up into my eyes, searching for something there.

"But what about …"

"The blood?" I finished for her. I wasn't going to lie because a part of me did miss the sound as it rushed through her veins, pumping her heart. I had been so in tune with her heartbeat, I used to think it beat for the both of us. It almost made me feel human. "It's different," I felt her shoulders slump a little, "but it also means I don't have to struggle. You don't know how hard it really was for me, Bella. You know what it's like to lust for blood, right?" She nodded. "We all lust for it, it's who we are. But to have someone like you, with your particular blood, you can't possibly imagine what it was like. I could never fully relax around you, never let go. My mouth always watered for your blood. Now …" I wanted to say that my mouth watered for her now, and her alone, not her blood. I no longer had to share her with the monster buried deep within me. All my desires were reserved for her, now, not her blood.

"Well, let's just say," I thought carefully how to respond, "it's a relief," I finally said. Poor choice of words on my part, but I didn't think she was ready to hear my true confession, of how much my body was responding to her. I had just managed to get her to sit next to me with my arm around her, I wasn't about to rush into anything she wasn't ready for. Trust, was all I kept thinking. I needed her to trust me again.

"Relief?" she said laughing. "I'm a relief. Nice to know."

"You know what I meant." I dug a finger into her side, while she squirmed. "Stop trying to change the subject. Are you going to let me read this, now?"

"I'm only sitting with you so you'll know when to skip the lame parts," she said, her tone changing to a serious one.

"Every word on every page will be read. There will be no skipping of the pages. If we're going to do this, we'll do it the right way," I squeezed her a little closer to me, "together."

She rolled her eyes again, shaking her head while she mumbled, "It's times like this I wish I could sleep through this."

The journal rested in my lap, my fingers covering the front of it. She picked up the edge of the leather cord, twirling it just as I had earlier.

"There's nothing in here that could change how I feel about you. And when I finish it, maybe you'll finally believe me. Please, Bella," I lingered on her name and trailed my finger along hers, "let me in."

She let go of the piece of leather, tucking her hands between her legs and settled in without having to say anything more. Lifting the journal, I slowly and carefully unwound the long cord wrapping it around my palm, almost as if I was afraid someone would come and take it away from me if I didn't hold on to it somehow. There were scribbles and little drawings in ink on the first page, exactly the kind of doodles you'd expect from years of thoughts being put to paper.

The sketches gravitated around an inscription, and I held my breath as I read it. I knew this was going to be painful; I wasn't under the illusion that her words weren't going to hurt, but the intimacy of what was written there still took my breath away.

_So you don't forget._

_All my love,_

_Garrett_

_**-:-** _

_MARCH 2007 – Approximately one_ _year after the World, as Isabella Marie Swan knew it, ended._

_Dear Alice,_

_It feels weird writing to you, but I don't know who else to address this to. It's too painful to write to the obvious choice. It's hard to put your thoughts out there to someone knowing they wouldn't really care to read this. I suppose I could just write it to myself, but then I doubt I would put everything to paper. Garrett (I'll get to who he is later) says I need to write it down so I don't forget, but a part of me wants to. There are days I wish I could forget, but then there are days where I panic and think I've forgotten what you look like, or sound like, or even what he felt like. I don't want those memories to fade. I don't want it to be like you never existed, because then a part of me feels like I never existed._

_If I have to live forever, I want someone to know that Bella Swan did exist. Even if she died two days before most of the world did._

_I don't even know if you and your family survived. I would think you saw it coming and are safe somewhere. A part of me can't help but resent you for leaving me to die along with the rest of the world. But you have your reasons I'm sure, I'm just another human who crossed your path. I understand that, I suppose. When you have an eternity, what's another human? Especially one you only knew for a few short months. I'd like to say I forgive each of you, but I don't think I can, yet. My mother is dead. My father probably is too, and if he isn't, I'm sure he thinks I am. I'm lost to all those I thought were my friends, including you. I'm alone in this new world. So why would I want to keep a book of things that are too painful to me? Maybe it's cathartic, maybe not, regardless I hope it gives me some peace. I can write it all down, and ease my mind from the burden of trying to hold on to something that seems such a distant memory. Crafty, that Garrett is, I'm sure this is his plan._

_I guess I'll start with the day you didn't even say goodbye. The day I count as my human death. You already know everything up to that point, and have the mind to remember it._

_For weeks, I was just an empty shell. I don't think I ate or slept or did much of anything really, except wait. I thought for sure you would see me, see how miserable I was and come back. I didn't want to be happy, because for some strange reason I thought if you saw that I had moved on, you would never come back. So I stayed that way, alienating everyone around me, until eventually even Charlie couldn't stand to be around me. No one wanted me, not even my own father. I was a burden to him, so he sent me back to Renee so he didn't have to deal with me anymore._

_I'm well aware of how this must sound to you, even now as I recall my feelings it seems pretty pathetic. I'll probably go back and read this and tear it out, but I promised myself if I was going to write in this, I would be honest. What would be the point if I wasn't?_

_I left Forks, with even less than when I arrived. Renee said she was happy to have me even though I knew she was out her element. I was always the one to take care of her, not the other way around. She tried, but mothering instincts were just not a part of Renee's genetic makeup. I couldn't blame her though, unwilling as I was to talk about anything, she was fumbling in the dark as to how to help me._

_We traveled a lot with Phil for his baseball, at least for the first few months. I don't recall which cities we visited, but I do remember the countless tacky decors of the motel rooms we stayed in—I'm sure you would have been appalled by them._

_We moved from city to city, which was absolutely fine by me. It meant we never had to settle somewhere, and I never had to meet new people. I was just waiting for fate to step in and finally relieve me of my misery. Your brother (sorry, I can't write his name just yet) should have let me die in that parking lot, or in Port Angeles, or left me for James. I think that would have been kinder than what he did to me. He let me into his world, let me fall in love with him, with all of you, and then he stole it all away without so much as a by-your-leave. It was crueler than anything James or Victoria could have done to me._

_I'll stop on that train of thought, because I also promised that I wouldn't fill this journal with anger, even though I feel I have the right to do so. It won't change what happened to me, and it won't bring any of you back._

_Renee homeschooled me, which I remember was such a relief to me and I was grateful for that. Phil injured his leg and we ended up in Baltimore where he got a job coaching a farm team while he did his physical therapy._

_Baltimore was all right, but I was scared that Renee would look into some schools for me. I heard her arguing on the phone with Charlie quite a few times. I guess they had different ideas of how to get me past the "depression" I was in. It's funny, they told me I was depressed, and I let them think what they wanted, there was no point in arguing, because how could I explain to them that I should have been dead. I wasn't depressed, I was a walking corpse. Vampire or not, I was/am dead._

_I thought it might be comforting to write to you, but it's not really. It's bringing more things to light that I remember. On paper, I'm forced to flesh out my feelings, putting it all down makes it all real. In my head, they were nothing but my fleeting thoughts. My memories were jagged, a little rough, but now seeing them here makes me digest the memories, all of them, good and bad._

_I'm sitting here, wondering why you never came for me, and I think that haunts me more than your brother telling me he didn't want me. You were my friend. I wouldn't wish what happened to my mother on my worst enemy. You must have seen it. So why didn't you come?_

_As I write this, I'm filled with guilt, because a part of me thinks beyond any doubt that you would have if you had been able to. All I can think is something has happened to you, to all of you, and I'm ashamed to be thinking horribly of you. Despite all that has happened, I can't imagine a world without you in it. Then again, I can't imagine you in this new world, so maybe you aren't here and I'm grateful you don't have to endure this. Or maybe I'm lying to myself to forget the pain of it all, just like I always imagine this is a dream, none of it is real, but my sleepless nights and thirst for blood tell me otherwise._

_Garrett says he knew Carlisle. He met him once, a long time ago. He speaks of him with a sort reverence, which I completely understand. Their encounter was brief but I never get tired hearing of it. It connects us in some way, knowing that someone else knew you existed._

_Garrett says that's why he saved me. I don't really remember it, but he says he heard me calling out Carlisle's name, (along with another name which you can probably guess who that was). He said Victoria was taunting the other vampires with the precious 'Cullen' name. He didn't know what ties I had to Carlisle, but Garrett thought he would do him a service by saving me, just as Carlisle had saved him many years ago._

_I'm going to try and recall my story now and without all this drivel and whining of my inner ramblings. It's not to make you feel guilty, but I want you to know what happened, and maybe you can share it with Edward (there… I wrote his name, happy?), that is, if he cares to hear it. And if anyone else gets a hold of this, well, I hope it will make for some good fiction reading._

.

BELLA SHIFTED BESIDE ME, and her hand reached out to delicately rub the words that were written. It hovered there for a second, as if she wanted me to wait while she second guessed the notion of sharing this part.

"It's okay," I said. "If you don't want me to, I won't."

"I know. It's just been a long time since I've read this. I've forgotten." She raised her hand to her lip, and pulled on it gently. "I wrote this next part as if I was there, so it's just hard for me, it's like I'm reliving it all over again."

"I'm sorry," I said again, lamely. "I don't know what else to say, but I am."

I had noticed the words on the opposite page had changed. It was no longer her thoughts, but more of a retelling of the events that lead to her death.

"Do you want me to continue?" I asked.

She nodded and settled back in beside me.

.

IT WAS AN EVERYDAY, average afternoon in Baltimore. Phil had gotten home from training, while Renee and I were wrapping up my last lesson. I didn't have the heart to tell her I had already learned most of the stuff she had been teaching me. If it gave her some comfort to think she was helping, I could endure reading the same curriculum I did in Phoenix and in Forks. I was curled up in a ball on my bed, listening to Renee and Phil arguing in the other room. Their hushed whispers never escaped me. Luckily, we had a small suite in the place we were staying. Often times we'd been stuck in one-room motel rooms with two double beds. It made it much more difficult to hide the constant night terrors I suffered from over and over again.

But Baltimore was different, because we were staying here for a while, even though you wouldn't know it to look at my room. The only thing that was mine was the suitcase against the wall, which I still hadn't unpacked.

I rolled away to face the wall, clutching my cellphone in my hand. For the umpteenth time, I tried calling Alice's number, and for the umpteenth time, the pre-recorded message on the other end told me the number was not in service. Just once I wanted to hear the number go through. I didn't know what I would have done if it had, I probably would have hung up in a panic. I just wanted to talk to her, or any of them just to reassure myself I wasn't crazy. Maybe it was all in my head, and I was slowly going mad thinking vampires existed … that I hadn't really been in love with a vampire. But all I had to do was look at the silvery-crescent scar on my hand, and feel the coolness of the bite-mark left by James and all the memories would come rushing back to me.

Renee had shut my door, not wanting to disturb me she said, but it was more to stop me from hearing her and Phil argue about me again. I felt like I was stuck between two worlds, like I was in purgatory waiting for the next life that would never come. Eternal damnation, I was fairly sure of it.

I was disturbed from my listlessness by the phone ringing in the other room. I never paid much attention to it, but when I heard Renee's alarmed voice through the door, my ears perked up.

"WHAT!" Renee exclaimed into the phone, and silence followed.

"I'll be damned if he thinks he can just waltz back into her life. What's that supposed to mean?" I heard her scoff, while her hand hit her thigh in frustration. Her voice lowered, but I could still make out one thing.

"He didn't want her," she said before more hushed whispers that I couldn't hear. "She's not going back there," she yelled into the phone. I realized she must have been talking about Charlie. I guess Renee's parenting skills had finally hit their limits with Charlie and now he wanted me back. "I'm her mother, dammit, I don't care what he says!" I didn't think I had ever heard Renee that angry before. Charlie must have done something to set her off.

"Fine! We'll get a lawyer." I couldn't hear what else was said, only her telling the other party on the phone that she would be in touch before she hung up.

It was almost a half an hour before I heard the soft knock on my door.

"Bella, honey? Are you awake?"

I didn't answer, knowing she would come in anyway. The door opened and I felt the bed sag from her weight as she sat down behind me. She caressed my hair, which hadn't been washed in days, tucking a strand behind my ear.

She sighed deeply, but continued to rub my shoulder with a tender touch.

"Phil and I have to head back to Phoenix. There's been an offer on the house, and we really should be there. Do you think you can handle Phoenix for a little bit? It won't be long. Maybe the hot sun will do you some good. Hmm?" She patted my side lightly. "Some of your stuff is still in your room. I know it's been a while, but you might like to see some of your old friends."

I still hadn't turned around, hoping she'd think I was sleeping.

"What do you say?" she asked. "We need to be there by tomorrow to sign some papers, so we'll have to leave tonight."

I finally turned around, surprised at the turn of events. I guess Charlie's threats had been real enough to make my flighty mother go into panic mode.

"Tonight? But what about Phil and his job?"

"Oh, never mind about that." She waved her hand. "He figures he's not really cut-out for coaching anyway. The money from the house should give us some time to figure out where we want to go. I'm thinking California. How does that sound?" She had a fake grin on her face and her eyes were wide.

"Are you planning to make a run for Mexico?" I was eighteen, but I didn't think 'kidnapping' me away from Charlie was the best option for us at the moment.

"Why would you say that?" she asked, clearly flustered.

I sat up, groaning at the stiffness in my muscles. "Nothing, it's just, you can't stop him from seeing me." If Charlie wanted to see me, I would let him, even though I didn't wish to. He was still my father.

"Bella," she said with authority in her voice, "yes, I can." Her face flushed with anger staring at me. When I didn't say anything in return, she simply stood up and started going through the drawers of the hotel dresser looking for my things to pack in my suitcase. She slammed each of the drawers shut and went to the closet to look for anything that might be hanging there. When there wasn't, she threw her hands in the air and let out an exaggerated sigh.

"You didn't even unpack anything?" she asked. "Bella, we've been here for a few weeks now!" She went into the bathroom grabbing my hairbrush, toothpaste and toothbrush, the only three things I had actually unpacked, along with some shower items that were rarely used as well. "This," she held up the items, "is why I can stop him from seeing you. You're not well, sweetheart. It's my job to make sure you're all right, and you're not. I'm your mother! I still have a say!"

"I'm eighteen." I said it simply to remind her she couldn't exactly tell me I couldn't see my own father, not that I wanted to go back to Forks though.

She dropped the stuff in my suitcase, zipping it up and came to sit beside me, gently caressing my hair, again.

"I know you are, honey, and that's why I think this is for the best. You're only eighteen. Life's too short and fragile to be like this. There's too much at stake to waste it away like you are. I just want you to be happy, and Forks wasn't that place for you."

"But I was happy," I said, reminding her, but not doing a very good job of it.

"Yes … _was,_ honey. Was. It's time to move on to something new." She rubbed my cheek, and placed a gentle kiss on the top of my head.

"And California is the answer to my happiness?" I asked dryly, not believing a word of it. It didn't matter to me, one city or the other, it made no difference to me.

"Maybe," she said enthusiastically. "You can take up surfing!" I raised a skeptical eye at her. "Well, maybe not. We don't need you drowning, now, do we?"

Before I knew what was happening, I was riding in the backseat of a taxi, squashed between my mother and Phil on the way to the airport. Originally, only Phil was going to Phoenix to meet with the lawyer and the realtor to sign the papers, then fly back to Baltimore, but with the 'recent developments,' Renee thought we should all go. We had been moving so much, everything was still in Phoenix until we could find a permanent place, so as far as Renee's logic was concerned, it all made perfect sense to her. The car had never been ours, it belonged to the team, and Phil was reluctant to leave it, but he put on a smile for my mother. He didn't say much, he just offered me an arm around the shoulder in support and said some encouraging words as to why he didn't mind leaving Baltimore so abruptly. If anything, I guess it proved he really did love my mother. He was giving up a lot for her daughter.

It was strange being back in my old house. The last time I had visited was right after being released from the hospital last spring. I'd been through so much since I last slept here well over a year ago—before I moved to Forks. Back then, I hadn't known vampires existed, back then I'd never been in love. Here in this room, the past year seemed like a vague dream of nightmares and fairy tales which should never have been real. Despite the terror and misery, I still wanted it … all of it. All the blinding pain was worth it. If I wanted to remember the good memories, I couldn't have one without the other.

I didn't sleep that night. I tossed and turned restlessly; waking throughout the night thinking someone was in my room. Lately, I hadn't been having those dreams in the hotels, but being here in this familiar place brought them all back. I would jolt awake, seeking out the shadows in the corners of the room, desperate to see someone to ease my paranoia, but each time I scrambled for the light the room was empty. Eventually I left the light on hoping to get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep, but that was next to impossible. Once I dreamt of Edward, there was no rest for my head or my heart. By the time dawn came, I was more exhausted than usual, and found myself sitting on the edge of my bed staring vacantly out the window.

I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the glass, and frowned, realizing what a pathetic looking human I was. Weak and frail, that's all I'd ever been. There was nothing I could offer to someone like Edward. He was like a bright beacon of light that shone on me, creating a false sense of security and hope that someone like him could love someone like me.

My mother hoped I'd forget and move on, but I still fought it daily. It was getting harder to recall his pale skin, his face, even his eyes. Every day I studied his features in my mind, trying to bring him back to life, always lost in my thoughts like I was now, sitting on the edge of the bed, staring into the backyard trying to remember. I could see him clearly, there just below my window, next to the trees, the pale, white, smooth skin of a vampire and I continued to recall the rest of his features or any of the Cullens for that matter. The hair … it was lighter, but I ignored the differences moving to the eyes instead and gasped when I saw red, not the amber gold I was so used to.

He was staring up at me curiously, neither of us sure if we truly saw the other. The vampire was tall, taller than Jasper, and had long sandy colored hair and a beautiful, strong face to match his physique. He didn't look like a Nomad like James and Victoria had. He almost looked respectable and I smiled at him, wondering if I was really seeing this beautiful creature outside of my house. He didn't look dangerous, but I glanced again at his red eyes, knowing full well what they represented.

What if he was like Victoria? What if he knew Victoria?

Renee called up to me from downstairs, asking me if I wanted breakfast, and I panicked as reality came crashing back down to me. The expression on my face must have dropped, for the vampire stranger, cocked his head inquisitively, glancing to the kitchen window below me. My heart dropped thinking of Phil and Renee downstairs, and I just stood stock-still for a moment, listening to the pounding of my heart. The vampire gave me one last smile, then disappeared within seconds, vanishing like he had never even been there. Maybe I was imagining him, wanting to believe so desperately the Cullens would come back, that I conjured him up in their stead. The hairs on the back of my neck and the tremble in my hand told me otherwise. There was a vampire with scarlet eyes outside of my house who was watching me, and more than likely meant to do me harm.

"Mom!" I screamed down to her. "What time do you have to go?"

"What?" I heard her confused voice through the floorboards. It was the first conversation I had initiated in weeks, of course she was going to be confused.

I scrambled around my room throwing on the first T-shirt and jeans I could find, while I looked around the room for anything that might be useful, which deep down I knew nothing would be. There was nothing that could stop a vampire, bar another vampire, which I clearly didn't have one of those. I threw my hair up in a ponytail, and at the last second, grabbed my backpack while I ran out my door. I jumped the last few steps from the stairs to the landing, trying not to stumble and all but skipped into the kitchen. Renee was staring into an empty cupboard, evidently looking for breakfast.

"Did you say something?" she asked, not turning around.

I was breathing heavily, as though my lungs needed to be stretched, the oxygen and blood flowing quickly through my body. I thought my heart was going to burst from the exertion, that little bit of movement was more than anything I had done in months. Phil looked up from the kitchen table, his eyes glancing from my shoes to my hair. He took a sip of his black coffee, trying to hide his surprise at my appearance.

"Um, yeah," I said out of breath tucking a few stray strands of hair behind my ears avoiding his scrutiny, "what time do you have to go?" The state of my voice caused my mother to abruptly turn around. She looked at my quizzically.

"Bella, are you okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, you're all flushed, and you're dressed," she turned to the clock on the wall, "and it's not even eight yet."

"It's not a big deal," I said glancing out the kitchen window to the same eucalyptus tree where the visitor had been standing only moments ago. "I was thinking we should go out for breakfast, and I could come with you this morning."

Shocked, she opened her mouth to say something, then closed it again trying to think of something to say. Shaking her head in disbelief, she eventually said, "Yes! Of course! That would be fantastic. We can go to that pancake house you used to love so much." She looked at Phil for approval, which he just shrugged and nodded.

"Sounds great, mom," I said with a weak smile.

"We have a few hours until the first meeting though," she winced, "are you really hungry?"

"Yes. Let's go now. Please?" I added.

"Well, okay, then." The smile on her face was the widest I'd seen from her in a few months. Immediately I felt ashamed I had caused her so much heartache. I didn't realize I could have saved her from all of it if I had just chosen to get dressed first thing and suggested breakfast once in a while. If we managed to avoid a vampire disaster, I promised myself I would try to do better by her.

.

THE MORNING WAS PAINFULLY slow and breakfast was torturous. I felt every second that ticked by on my wristwatch vibrating against my skin, almost like the tapping of a deathwatch beetle. I had been waiting for this. I wanted death to come take me, but the idea of it now, as close as it was, terrified me.

Riding around with Phil and Renee while they did their errands was only prolonging the inevitable, and possibly leading them to their deaths as well. My plan had been to get away from them and face what was coming without them. Perhaps the vampire would leave after he was satisfied with my death. Claiming the usual headache or stomachache after breakfast, made it easy to get away from them. It was these thoughts running through my head while I stared out of the taxi's window, nearing the house, and nearing my death. I wasn't afraid now that I was alone.

"Stop!" I yelled from the backseat of the taxi.

I saw him in the shadows of my old ballet studio. The fire from a year ago hadn't destroyed it completely, and it looked as though it was under construction to repair the damage. My mind hadn't imagined it, I recognized him immediately. Laurent was lurking in the shadows, right before he slipped inside the side door. It was unmistakable; there were now two vampires who were keeping tabs on me, which meant Victoria must be close by. My only hope was to keep her away from the house, away from Renee and Phil, which meant facing her here in the same ballet studio where I had faced James only a year ago.

The morning had been cool, but now that the sun was out, the air was thick and heavy as I stepped out of the taxi. It was a young woman behind the wheel, she was friendly and talkative during the ride home, but now, seeing the dread in my face she seemed concerned, asking if I was going to be okay. I assured her I was fine, she was reluctant to believe me, but took my word and drove away from the curb.

Even though it was midday, the building seemed dark and ominous, like the shadows were hiding something truly menacing. I couldn't move. The hairs on my arms stood up and I desperately wanted to run, but I was rooted to the sidewalk. It was just like one of my nightmares, something frightening was waiting for me, ready to do me harm, and there was no escape. I wanted to run, but I had nowhere to go. I started to regret all that I had told myself these last few months, I wanted to take it all back and cry out for someone to save me, tell me there were no such things as monsters and I was being ridiculous. But the truth of it came crashing back to me, my sanity returning to the recesses of my brain, there were monsters and there was no way to outrun them.

My breathing was loud and echoed in my head, drowning out the sound of the traffic driving by on the street. Just one step forward, then another, and all this would be over. Without a shadow of a doubt, I knew what waited inside for me. Death had finally decided to pay me a visit.

The door clicked shut, announcing my arrival, and I stood frozen, my brain refusing any attempt at allowing my lungs to exhale. My eyes glanced furtively around the room recognizing the changes that had taken place since my last visit. The floors had been replaced, and the walls had been repainted but were missing the mirrors James had liked so much, and for an instant, I was transported back to that moment with him. I was positive I smelled the blood again and could actually taste the metallic tang sliding down my throat.

My tongue ran along my mouth feeling a deep gouge and the sting on my inner lip where I had bitten right through it from my sheer terror.

"Bel-la." I felt his words next to my ear and I jumped. "I'm so glad you could join us." Laurent's thick accent resonated deeply within my bones. "Victoria will be pleased. She was hoping it would happen here, fitting isn't it?" He had moved around to the front of me, and gently grasped my hands, leading me to the center of the room.

"Quite the stage don't you think? I believe there used to be mirrors, no?" He smiled, and although he intended it to be pleasant, it was anything but. "You're trembling, Bella. Are you afraid of me?" He clucked his tongue, admonishing me as if I was a child. "You must have known this was coming. We _were_ surprised to discover the Cullen's had left you alone, unprotected. Does Edward no longer care for you? Hmm?" he asked, expecting a response. "Cat got your tongue, dear one? It does not matter, Victoria will find him, but not before she shares the details of your death."

"No!" I yelled, instinctively. "It's me you want, not him. Mate for a mate, right? It ends here."

He inhaled deeply, his eyes focusing on my mouth. He smelled the blood from my lip. His eyes gleamed in the dull light of the room.

"You bit your lip. That is troublesome. You are so … mouthwatering." He licked his lips and leaned in closer for a smell. "Victoria wanted me to wait for her, but I'm not sure if I can. She has _plans_ for you, dear one."

I tried to swallow, but my tongue was dry and felt like it had shriveled into a piece of cardboard. I just wanted it to be over. I hoped it was quick, and maybe having Laurent end my life would be much easier. Victoria would definitely want to take her time. I bit my lip even harder and the fresh flow of the rusty, salty taste filled my mouth.

Laurent started to laugh while he backed away.

"Clever girl, but I'm not foolish. Victoria would kill me just as surely as she will kill you." He was halfway across the room now, watching me carefully. "Interesting. You want to die? Or do you hope she will make you one like us?" He cocked his head to the side. "Is that what you wish?"

"No," I said, walking closer toward him. "There's nothing I want to live for."

"Fascinating mortal you are, Bella. No wonder the Cullens were so taken by you. You are not afraid to die, perhaps you are afraid of the pain, though."

"You could end this, Laurent. Right now. You can taste my blood. You can have it." My lip was starting to puff up, the blood flowing freely now and I watched as his eyes followed the drips to the floor. He was having difficulty restraining himself and he stepped backward matching every step I took forward. It was like our own little dance … a dance to the death.

He knew what his fate would be if he killed me, and I knew what mine would be if he didn't. I needed to be stronger than him.

There was a long nail lying on the floor just inches from my foot. I slowly bent down to pick it up, keeping my eyes on him the entire time.

"You are trying to tempt fate, silly human."

I could tell he had stopped breathing, trying to stop the scent from reaching his tongue. I held the nail between my fingers and drove into the palm of my hand dragging it along my skin, slicing it until I came to my wrist. Dropping the nail, I cried out a little, grabbing my hand and squeezing it until there was enough blood to hopefully distract him from his careful restraint.

In a flash he was gone, up to the rafters above me where I couldn't see him, but I heard his laughter echoing all around the room.

"Why don't you run?" he said from the shadows. "You have nothing to run to? From what I understood from Carlisle, you were family."

I held my hand up to the ceiling and yelled, "Here! You can have me!" My breathing was heavy, my chest pounding and I was close to hysterics. I didn't want to answer to him or anyone else, I just wanted this over.

A door opened to my left, I whipped my head around and saw a man walk in and stop in his tracks at the site of me. My panic increased while I squinted trying to see through the shadows to see his face.

 _No one else could die,_ was the only thought that popped into my head.

He stepped into a ray of sunlight coming through the window high above, and he sparkled. All I heard was Laurent yelling at the vampire—one that I had never seen before—for the next thing I knew, I was thrown across the room, my head and back slamming hard into the wall with a resounding crack.

Everything was foggy after that, a smoky haze which I seemed to drift in and out of. I could hear the muffled cries and shouts and growls as the two vampires tussled. I tried to open my eyes, but the room was spinning and all I kept thinking was that it was such a déjà vu moment, only this time Edward, or Carlisle, or the rest of the Cullens wouldn't be here to save me.

"She'll kill you, young one. This one is for her." I heard Laurent's words, but I couldn't connect to what he was saying, there were only more growls.

I smelled the blood—so much more than what was just from my hand. The warmth spread down the side of my cheek and I gagged, trying not to vomit. I tried to move, but I couldn't feel my legs, it was as if they were no longer attached to my body. Panicking, I reached down and touched what felt like a thigh, but it wasn't mine. Or was it? It was then that I did indeed vomit.

The room continued to spin around me, and the fighting seemed to grow louder, but none of that distracted me from the pain in my head. I fought hard against it all, my eyes rolled back into their sockets while I desperately tried to focus on the movement. I was seeing six vampires, or three. I couldn't tell, but then realized it didn't matter. I was dying. Victoria would never have me.

My stomach stilled, the throbbing in my head stopped, and then there was nothing but silence, and I welcomed it. I took one last deep breath and felt the relief spill over my body, reaching me from head to toe. I smiled because the pain was gone, there was only warmth now, and I felt myself floating. Slowly, not wanting to miss a second of my journey to the next life, I opened my eyes, only to realize I really was floating.

_Edward, I love you._

"Ssh. Don't try to talk," I heard a deep voice say to me which snapped me back from the floating heaven I had been dreaming of.

 _Edward,_ was all I kept thinking, but it couldn't be him. He was alive, and I was dying, or already dead.

"He's not here," the voice said, as I was being lowered gently to the floor. "You're going to be okay," he assured me.

I glimpsed his face and gasped, choking on the blood which had filled my throat. The familiar stranger ran his hand along my cheek, saying soothing words and promises of saving me. And then I drifted … away into the depths of hell, burning alive from the inside out.


	25. A Watched Pot Never Boils

**CHAPTER 24**

**-:- A Watched Pot Never Boils -:-**

* * *

**2016 -:- Present Day**

I closed the journal slowly, wondering if the words might shatter if I didn't. I felt like I was standing on a piece of glass which had started to crack and beneath me was nothing but a bottomless abyss. There was nothing I could do to turn back the hands of time and save her from what she had suffered through, and yet, I didn't know how to move forward. Either way, the delicate balance I was maintaining would falter, and send me tumbling to the unknown. Anger was surging inside of me, and the only person I had to be angry with was myself. I was tired of always feeling this way.

"Edward," she said, feeling the tension in my body.

The crack in the glass had started to spread. Any words I could say would only add to the weight and the pressure that was already there. Placing the journal gently beside me, I extricated myself from underneath her with the pretense of stoking the fire. My back was to her while I played with the coals much longer than what was necessary. The fire was blazing now, and the edges of the flames were coming out and over the lip of the chimney.

"We need more wood," I said in a clipped voice, turning to leave the cabin.

"Edward," she repeated, "there's enough wood." Her voice was strong and demanded respect. "Look at me," she said, as though I had no other option but to obey her. I stopped with my hand resting on the doorknob, but I couldn't bring myself to turn around and face her.

"Are you going back on your promise already?" she said, taunting me.

I snapped around to look her, the hurt evident in both of our eyes. She was standing now, with her arms crossed and her chin raised defiantly as if she was goading me into a fight.

"We haven't even gotten to the tough stuff yet, and you're ready to run again." She scoffed, with her lip turned up. "You know I died a violent death. Was there ever any doubt that I didn't?"

"I know damn well you did," I said with tension in my voice. "I've known it for the past decade. That's not—that's not what this is about." I looked down at my feet, ashamed and frustrated with who I was right now.

"I can't read your mind, Edward, and if this is going to work we have to be honest. That's why I'm letting you read this, not because I want to hurt you. I want there to be no doubt in your mind as to how I feel. The least you can do is show me the same courtesy," she said. "I think I've earned that."

"Believe me, I _know_ , you have. Yes, I'm angry. But not for the reasons you think," I finished with barely a whisper.

"Then what is it? _Please_ , tell me." I heard her walk toward me.

I stared at the crack in the floor boards with only feeble words flying through my head while I desperately searched for a way to explain how I was feeling. The tips of her boots were in my eye line now, standing in front of me waiting for me to explain how inadequate I felt … because of _him_. How was I going to tell her that he did for her, what I was never brave enough to do in the first place. This _man_ , this Garrett, was her savior, not me, and I couldn't help but wonder what else he had been to her. Jasper said Garrett was her maker, but I didn't want to believe it. A part of me had wanted Victoria to have turned her, because I knew what it was like to share that bond with someone you love. Despite all of my misgivings in the beginning of my new life, I loved Carlisle, just as each one of my family members did. There was an undeniable connection to him, and that meant Bella and Garrett would have that forever as well.

"I'm angry because someone did for you what I couldn't!" My fists were clenched and I desperately wanted to hit something. "I was the one in that same predicament not a year earlier. In that same place!" I said, my voice rising to a shouting level. "I was too much of a coward to let you live—like me. All that pain, all these years, it's my fault what happened to you!" I bent down, placing my head on my knees, trying to spare her from my expression. She always was stronger than me. "If I'd just …"

"Yeah, if you'd 'just,'" she said with a hint of sarcasm. "Do you think I haven't asked that for the past ten years, Edward? What's the point? If you'd just let James' venom change me—if _you'd_ just changed me. It's the same 'if.' It didn't solve anything then, and it won't solve anything now." She kicked at a piece of the floorboard that had come up. The resounding crack broke me out of my stupor and caused me to look up at her.

"I've tried to tell you. I'm not the same person, and I'm not going to stand here and think 'woe is me.' A few hours ago, I was ready to fall back into that same routine. But I can't go down that road again. I can't be her again. She lives in this journal," she said holding up the book in her hands. "And if you think this same girl is here now, you're wrong. Reading this again makes me realize this, and reading this with _you_ makes me sure of it. We can't go back."

My eyes narrowed while I really looked at her this time. She was furious with her hair in disarray, standing in front of me with the flames from the fireplace behind her. Gold, yellow and red continued to shoot up around the edge of the bricks, almost as if they were dancing behind her, some sort of plumage that engulfed her or was a part of her. Her face was cast in partial shadow and she looked wild. For the first time since laying eyes on her, she was not my Bella. I finally saw what she had been trying to tell me. She was this _Phoenix,_ almost as if she had risen from the ashes. Slowly, I stood up straight to come face to face with her. She was so much more than the Bella I remembered. So much more than the Bella I loved, and it was time to be worthy of this beautiful mythical creature.

"I know I can't change any of it, because if I could, I would never rest until I found a way. I can't turn back time. I can't take back all that I've done to you." She made to protest, but I raised a hand to stop her. "Please …" I said softly, "if I could change it I hope you know I would." I reached out to take the hand that held the journal. "I see how you've changed, I do, but that doesn't mean I can't ache for you … for your pain … for the Bella I knew. She suffered because of me." She squeezed my hand, while I placed my other over top of hers. "Her pain was real, as is yours. As is mine." I cleared my throat, as the next words seemed to stick in my throat. "If it's Phoenix you want to be, if it's easier to forget, then … I accept that. I understand now," I finished with a whisper.

"Bella," she said. "I still like it when you say it."

We stood in silence for a few minutes when my thoughts turned and I blurted out, "It was him." All the pieces to the puzzle finally slid perfectly into place.

"Him, who?" she asked.

"Garrett! He was the one I smelled in your house. He was the vampire in Victoria's head. I recognize it all now." I grinned, finally having solved that little mystery that had been burning in my brain all this time.

"You were in my house?" She pushed herself away from me, frowning thoughtfully. "When?"

"The day before the bombs," I said absently, my thoughts distracted by finally being able to link everything together. "I smelled her there, tracked her to the realtor and the lawyer where I finally found her."

"So close," she whispered. The same words I had said all those years ago.

I drew her back to me. "So close," I mirrored her words, interlacing our fingers, and brought them to my lips. She stiffened, but not from the kiss, I realized, more from astonishment.

"But, wait…" she said, shaking her head, "what were you doing in Phoenix?"

"It was me your mother was running from. Not Charlie. I went to him to find you and he called to warn her I was on my way," I explained in a rush.

"Wait, what? No, it was Charlie. She didn't want me going back to Forks."

"Bella, love, why on earth would your mother run from Charlie? It was me. We were coming to find you. Charlie was trying to protect you from me."

"No," she said abruptly, and began pacing the room.

"Look back," I lifted her journal toward her, "here, at what you wrote. It all makes sense. I was on my way to Baltimore when Alice saw you were already in Phoenix. I went as quickly as I could, but it wasn't quick enough."

"Why _then_? Why not sooner?" She was standing across the room with her arms folded, with an accusatory look on her face.

"I asked Alice not to look for your future, and for once in her life she actually listened to me." She laughed in spite of her agitation. "As soon as we saw the vision, you were our first priority. We left to find you. Alice hasn't had another clear vision since that day."

She blinked in disbelief. I could see it from across the room and it was frustrating not being able to hear someone's thoughts after all this time. Her eyes were the only indication she heard what I said, for her face was a mask of indifference.

"There has been the odd flash, or she still gets these feelings, but it's like she lives in a haze, just waiting for her visions to return. If we had known you had…" I lowered my head, not able to finish the rest of my sentence. "If we had just…" I tried again.

Her hand touched the top of my head, and I jumped, startled that I hadn't even heard her move.

"We didn't know," I finally managed to choke out. "She didn't see it. Please believe me, Bella, Alice didn't know. She's been living with the grief for so long. She feels responsible for your death."

"I don't blame any of you, at least not anymore," she added with a laugh. Her eyes were intent, all humor cast aside while she sat down pulling me with her. "I think you better tell me what happened in Phoenix," she said, trying to keep her voice steady.

We spent the next hour walking through the timelines, and matching up what had happened. It was painful knowing we'd missed each other by days or hours really, but she was right, there was nothing that could be done to change that now.

"You killed Victoria?" she asked timidly.

"Yes."

She took a deep breath, and said, "Good," while she leaned her head back against the wall.

I had to laugh at her, even though it wasn't a laughing matter. Up until that point, I didn't know how she was taking the story. She had been quiet for the most part, only asking questions when something needed to be clarified. She was patient with me as I recounted the desperate trip across the country, essentially a race against time to get to her, and she was horrified while I explained what I had found at the lawyer's office.

"How did it feel?" she asked.

I had spared her from most of the details of what we'd gone through, and the extent of what my emotions had been, only telling her of the facts, the fight and Victoria's last thoughts. I was ashamed of how I had reacted that day. If I hadn't been weak, maybe I would have been the one to go back to the house, not Emmett, and I would have _known_ she was still out there.

"You really want to know?" I looked down at her with eyebrows raised.

"No, I guess not. It's just, I've never killed a vampire in a fight before," she admitted with a shrug.

"Really?" I asked skeptically. "I would've thought you would have, well, from what Jasper told me."

"I never really needed to." She grabbed my hand holding it up to hers, eyes narrowing in concentration while she pushed her power on me, just a little. It was like trying to put two like charges of a magnet together. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get close to her.

"Neat party trick," I said laughing.

"Garrett always did the dirty work when needed," she said sadly, looking out the window, lost in a memory and again, I wondered what thoughts were racing through her mind.

Knowing what was headed our way, Bella would have to learn to fight, especially if Emilia was going to be in her vicinity to take away her powers. I placed my hands on her shoulders and leaned forward until our foreheads were touching and said smiling, "Well, we're going to have to teach you to fight, then."

Her mouth turned up on one side, in what could only be described as a wolfish grin. Before I knew it, I was pinned beneath her, flat on my back and, with a solid grip on my wrists, she kept me from moving.

"But see … I never said I couldn't fight." She winked, flashing her teeth while she held me in place with a combination of her strength and her power, daring me to try to move. And I was trying. I writhed and jerked under her while she remained straddled over my chest with her legs hooked around mine to keep me from kicking out. Eventually, I gave up, thinking I didn't mind the position I was in and instead, sighed longingly with a smile on my own lips.

"I could get used to this," I said laughing, lifting my hips ever so slightly.

"Oh, really?" she responded, quickly moving so her knee was now directly on my chest, pushing down. The pressure of it was only slightly painful, like she was testing me to see how far I would let her take this.

"If you want to do this, then you have to fight fair," I wiggled my fingers at her, "no powers."

"Fat chance! I've waited ten years to have a go at you, I'll take it any possible way I can." I felt the effects of her ability pressing down all around me, and even my fingers were barely able to move.

I let out an exaggerated sigh, relaxing my body. "Fine," I said with amusement in my tone. "Have your way with me, I give up. I only ask that you be gentle."

I would forever remember the scandalous look on her face, torn between shock and delight, and definite disbelief.

"You _have_ changed, Edward Cullen," she finally said.

"You know, your father said the same thing to me not too long ago. As to why I'm bringing up your father at a time like this, beats the hell out of me." I couldn't help but laugh, and then wished I could take it back the instant I saw her face.

Immediately, she let me go, leaning back on her heels, and if I thought her skin couldn't get any paler, I was definitely wrong. She looked as though she was going to be sick.

"He's alive?" she asked incredulously.

"Of course he's alive. So is half the town of Forks." I scrambled to a sitting position, trying to recover from our little tussle as best I could. "Didn't Jasper tell you?"

"No," she said, "he didn't."

I didn't need to read her mind this time to know the thoughts that were running through her head. They would all be about Charlie and whether it would be the right thing to want to see him or not.

"He's amazing, Bella. He pretty much saved the whole town and La Push." I realized I should have told her this sooner, it should have been the first thing I had confessed to her, but I had just assumed Jasper would have mentioned it. "They're thriving, more than any other District we've ever come across."

"But how?" she asked, cocking her head in disbelief. "I've seen the Districts, how is that possible?"

"Carlisle," I said simply. "He made the provisions to see they were taken care of. They had a huge shelter and supplies, but it was Charlie who did the rest."

"Why would he do that?"

"Charlie?" I asked confused.

"Carlisle." She rolled her eyes, which clearly meant to question my stupidity.

"You still don't believe, do you? What more can I do to make you believe. We wanted to see you and your family safe. We were coming to get you, Renee and Phil and take you to Forks to the shelter."

"What's he like?" she asked, changing the subject. I felt her stiffen and realized she was clearly not ready to talk about all of that yet.

"You can find out for yourself when we go back."

"No."

"Don't you want to see him?"

"And how would I do that?" she snapped at me.

"It could happen, but only if you want to. We can make it work," I said.

"It's better if he thinks I'm dead."

"Is that what you think?" She nodded. "Well, you're wrong. He's had a tough time, Bella, he deserves some happiness. Things have changed with him, and I think he actually likes me. Shocking, I know," I said laughing at her wry expression. "I always knew he was a good man, but what he did for those people? He saved them all." I was a little shocked at the reverence I was feeling for Charlie and couldn't stop myself from smiling. "You should see the compound. It's unbelievable, nothing like we've ever seen. And the people … they're so … _alive_ , and all because of your father. He gave our family a house!" I chuckled, shaking my head remembering the events from a week ago. "He deserves to know you're alive, Bella."

"If that's what I am."

"I remember you disagreeing with that argument once before."

"Well, it's not like I can go strolling up to him and wrap my arms around him, now can I?"

"We can make it work. It's easy to think you were stuck somewhere in a District all this time. That's easy. And Alice does this wonderful trick with makeup, makes us look a little more haggard."

"I can't explain these," she pushed up her sleeves to show her arms which were riddled with scars. "Or this," she pushed up her pant leg and I saw a large chunk a missing flesh in her calf. Horrified that someone had taken a bite out of her, I softly ran my hand over it curiously, and was surprised by the smoothness of her flesh.

"The scars are easy to explain. Carlisle will come up with something. And as for this," I said, placing a gentle kiss on her calf, "it's who you are."

"Yes. It is. And Charlie will never know. I can't, Edward," she said and pushed away from me. "I'm not going back." She stood up and walked out of the cabin, slamming the door

.

_EDWARD?_

Great, I thought, just what I needed. The boy wonder who can do no wrong to come and talk to me. The cabin door opened, and Garrett stuck his head inside.

"We need to chat," he said.

"I really just want to be alone right now. I don't need you to remind me of my failures, I'm well aware of them."

He started to laugh, and it only compounded my hatred of him. He closed the door and strolled over to the window resting against its frame.

"Look, I know you don't like me much, and I'm not taking it personally. I'd hate you too if roles were reversed. I only want to make sure this is what she wants, that's all. And if she decides she doesn't want you, then I'll be there for her and take her away from all this. And I'll make damn sure none of you follow us. But until then I want to give you some advice."

"I don't need your advice."

"No, you don't _want_ my advice, but you definitely need it. To be honest, I'm not sure I like you. I'm not sure if you're good enough for her." That stung a little bit, hearing what I knew all along coming out of this man's mouth was like a cut to the jugular. "For some reason, at the mention of your name she changes, softens a little. You don't know her, Edward, and I'm not sure you ever did. But there are some things that even time can't change, and her loving you despite all that's happened, is one of them. I wanted to be that man for her but no matter how much time I spend with her, I never will be. So if you screw it up, I'll be happy to step in." He grinned at me, like I was a petulant child, and I guess I was to some extent. He was patronizing me, but I was letting him.

"So what do I do?" I finally said.

"She's going to need time. I know it seems simple, but she has serious trust issues, all because of—"

"Me. I'm aware." I rolled my eyes at him.

"To some extent, but it's you, your family, her father, but there's lots of other reasons. I'm the only one she truly trusts, and if we're being honest—if what I see in Forks is not in the best interest for her, I'm pretty sure I can convince her to come with me. That's where we stand." He was glaring at me and his thoughts had turned very protective of Bella. It was easy to see why he said what he did. He truly loved her and would do anything to protect her even if it meant lying to her.

"Even if she would never admit it, not even to me, all she's ever wanted in this world was to see you and your family again. But if it means causing her anymore pain, I won't have it. I took a chance on your brother. I convinced her we needed to leave with Jasper. He wouldn't leave without her and if he stayed, Nix would have died trying to save him. I can't lose her. She's everything I have in this world. She's _my_ family, you got that?"

"Yeah, I got that," I said reluctantly.

"Good, 'cause I'm heading back to Forks with Jasper and leaving you two here. So what I want to know, Edward, is how you plan on keeping her safe?" I knew exactly what he was expecting to hear from me. He had it laid out all in his mind, he just wanted me to speak the words. He wasn't just talking about me, he was talking about my family, too. He wanted to know how we planned on defeating Maria. He was worried we'd run, and abandon them to Maria and her army. The anger surged inside of me at his insinuations, short of calling us all cowards. I realized he would do anything to keep Bella safe, so how could I fault the man? We had a common goal.

"Bella's still our family, and we'll die trying to protect her. I give you my word and the word of my family, we'll fight whatever comes our way." I was standing in front of him, looking up slightly at his towering height. I was done being intimated by this man, I knew where we both stood. "I won't ever let her go. _Bel-la_ ," I said stretching out her real name, "is my life and it's forfeit without her."

He stared me in the eye. I knew he believed me, and he was a bit surprised by my conviction and pleased by it. He was starting to trust me.

"I'll protect her with my life," I added to convince him further.

He stood silent for a moment longer then his face cracked into a huge grin. "That's all I wanted to hear. Doesn't mean she'll let you, but that's good enough for me."

"What's good enough?" Bella asked as her and Jasper came through the door.

"None of your business, Nix. It's man's talk," Garrett teased.

"Mmhmm," she grumbled, eyeing us suspiciously. "What are you two up to?"

 _Everything okay, Edward?_ Jasper asked and I wanted to ask him that same question in return. _She's fine, just a little freaked out about Charlie. Sorry, I should have told her._

"Nothing much," Garrett said. "Edward was just asking me how you got your name." I looked at him curiously and then quickly nodded, agreeing with him.

"Liars," she said.

"So, why Phoenix?" I asked her. "Well, except for the obvious, but there has to be something else to it." I thought back to the image of Bella earlier, standing in front of the fire, the flames rising up around her.

"Oh, no, don't let me stop you from your male bonding." She raised her hand in an open gesture. "Please, continue," she teased back, sitting down against the wall with Jasper joining her.

"Nothing gets past you, does it, pretty boy? It ain't exactly because of where I found her, but that does play some part, and now come to think of it, I think you might play a part in this story as well, we just didn't know it at the time, or _somebody_ didn't want to admit it." He looked over at Bella and smiled, to which she bowed her head and picked at the fraying thread on her pant leg.

"I moved us from Phoenix right after the bombs hit. She hadn't fully come to, but there was nothing left of Phoenix, and the city was on fire. Not exactly a place a vampire wants to be, and besides, I didn't really know what the effects of the fallout would be so I didn't want to take any chances."

I hadn't known I was scowling, but I saw my face reflected back in his thoughts, and tried to relax my expression enough for him to continue.

"Don't get me wrong, there were plenty of moments I thought about leaving her." Bella laughed at that, but he continued. "I travelled alone, always had and I'd never had a companion, nor did I want one. I did try and leave her before she woke up, but there was something that just wouldn't let me. I knew she had ties to Carlisle, she screamed his name and a few others, including yours, while she was turning. Carlisle may not remember me. To him I'm sure I was just another unruly vampire the Volturi needed to put in his place, but he saved my life. He asked for mercy from the brothers when there was none to be given. I suppose I felt I owed it to Carlisle to find out what she meant to him."

"So where did you end up after Phoenix," I asked. As much as his past story interested me, Bella's interested me more.

"Not far, on the outskirts, but far enough to stay clear of the humans and their chaos. But we did go back after she woke the second time," he said looking back to her, and again I was confused.

"When she woke the first time, she was silent. I was sure something had snapped during the process, affecting her head or something. Her eyes were red, but the thirst, the longing, the unpredictability, all of that was non-existent. She sat in the corner of the room with her knees up against her chest staring off into nothing. She never spoke, she never even asked any questions. She knew what she was, like she had accepted it. I understand it all now, but, man … back then … it freaked me out! I'd never seen anyone like her.

"The hunger eventually got to her, but she never cried out about it, she never did much of anything. She refused to drink from any of the humans I brought her. It wasn't until I thought of Carlisle and his diet that I figured her out, and sure enough, animal blood did the trick."

I watched Bella while Garrett spoke. Her head was still down, refusing to look at any of us, but it seemed as though she was happy, despite her obvious discomfort.

"I talked to her incessantly, about all kinds of things, mostly the war, but I also told her what happened to her. At first I wasn't sure if she understood me, but the day I mentioned the word 'Cullen' I saw a shift in her eyes, and her back straightened up ever so slightly. I had hit the heart of her with your name, I just didn't know why."

I saw it all in his mind, from the moment he bit her and tasted her blood, to him carrying her broken body out of the blazing demolished city. I watched her transformation through his eyes, heard her cries and felt her pain just as he had all those years ago. He let me see it all, Garrett held nothing back, and it was just another reason for me to want to hate the man, but instead, I found myself beholden to him. He was giving me something I never thought I would ever have: a look into the past and experiencing it firsthand just as he had.

When she woke as one of us, she was just as he said, silent but unafraid. She sat huddled in the corner, wrapped tightly in her arms and responded to nothing he said. He stopped calling her by her name, because it was the only thing that seemed to cause her discomfort, that, and any mention of our family. It was more than six months of silence.

.

" _You don't want me to call you by that name? Fine_ _…_ _done. I won't, but you have to talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking, or at least tell me what you're feeling!" Garrett said, truly exasperated. "Do you want me to go?" He saw her flinch a little. "You don't like that idea, do you? No, you don't want me to leave, but you don't want to talk to me, either." He picked up a book and threw it across the room. "You and your books!" He let out a frustrated yell, which frightened Bella a little and she put her hands over her ears._

" _We can't stay here anymore. It's not safe." He had walked over to pick up the book, sorry he had thrown it and damaged it. It was the only thing that seemed to give the girl some solace. "Where should we go? Where do_ you _want to go? Huh?" He held the book out in front of her, waiting for her to take it. When she didn't, he dropped it against his leg and said, "What am I asking you for? As if you'll answer me! There's nothing left in this goddamn world and I'm stuck with a goddamn mute!" He turned from her, looking at the copy of Hamlet he held and mumbled under his breath, "_ O, woe is me, To have seen what I have seen, see what I see!"

_A_ _t first he wasn't sure if he had imagined it, but it sounded like a chuckle, and when he turned he caught a faint smile on her lips which disappeared at once. "Yeah, you know Shakespeare, don't you?"_

_He bent down, grabbing her hands. "Please, I can't do this alone. It's a mess out there, and for once in my life I don't want to go solo," he pleaded squeezing her hands gently. "Just give me something."_

_They stayed that way for a few minutes, until he realized she wasn't going to change, and he thought maybe she really couldn't speak and he was wasting his time trying to get her to talk. With a frustrated sigh, he stood up, placing his hands on the top_ _of his head._ Back to square one, _he thought. He looked around the room, thinking about what he should pack and what he should leave behind._

" _Phoenix."_

_It was a small whisper, but he heard it, and immediately turned to face her._

" _D-did you_ _…" he stuttered, "did you_ _…_ _what did you just say?" But she didn't speak again. "Did you just say Phoenix? Tell me I didn't imagine that. Is that where you want to go? Phoenix?" He was smiling widely with his hands on his hips and even though she didn't say anything else, his heart was filled with hope. "Well, we can do that!" He laughed and said, "You can talk!" He spent the next hour talking to her and himself, filling her in on any of the details he knew about the city. She didn't say anything beyond that one word, but it was just enough that he knew she could speak. With that little bit of knowledge he could finally rest easy knowing it was just going to take some time._

_She allowed him to lead her outside for the first time, and he watched her carefully, looking for any signs she knew what had happened to the world. Her face was an emotionless mask, even when she first laid eyes on all of the destruction. He noticed she seemed curious about all the dust on the ground, and he explained as much as he could, and she listened. They walked in silence for most of the night, with Garrett occasionally asking questions he knew she would never answer._

" _So, Phoenix. That's your first word?" he asked laughing. "Well, I guess it's fitting for you. You did sort of rise up from the ashes just like the myth. And since you don't seem to like the name I know you to have, how about I just call you Phoenix, then? You don't mind, do you? No, of course not. And even if you did, you wouldn't tell me." Some minutes passed and then he added quietly, "At least you don't tense up every time I say the word."_

_.  
_

_THEY ARRIVED ON THE_ _outskirts of what was left of Phoenix. It didn't suffer a direct hit, but suffered greatly from the surrounding bombs near the Hoover Dam. The city was ash and rubble, and for the most part deserted. Garrett knew where she wanted to go. As they neared her house, he had stopped talking, knowing the gravity of the situation. She wanted to see with her own eyes, to accept the reality that her mother was gone. Garrett had explained to her what happened. He knew she understood Victoria had killed her mother and her step-father, but she needed to see regardless. He was just grateful they were moving and she was starting to come around._

_It was still dark outside, but dawn was approaching as they walked through the streets. Bella had started to recognize buildings and landmarks the closer they got, and her pace started to quicken, until eventually she stopped, afraid to go any further. The roof of the house had collapsed, and there really wasn't much left to_ _it. Slowly, she walked around to the back, where the alley and garage used to be. Garrett was relieved to know she had been listening to him all this time. She had heard him tell the story of the three bodies in the garage; her mother and Phil, and a young, vagrant girl to make it look like Bella. Their violent deaths had to be covered up, along with any search for Bella by both the police and Victoria. Garrett's only thoughts at the time were to let the world believe Bella and her mother were dead. Of course, he had no idea what was to become of the world, but his only thought was to protect the young girl, and protect the way of their kind._

_The garage was gone, flattened under piles of brick and stone. Bella stood at the edge of it, staring straight ahead, still as silent as ever._

" _I'm sorry," Garrett said. "I did what I could, but we didn't have much time. I had to get you out of the city, away from Victoria." Garrett was speaking softly and raised his hand to her shoulder. He rarely touched her, knowing she didn't like to be touched, but this time he felt her relax under his hand. She leaned a little closer to him and he could hear she had stopped breathing. He watched her for a moment, sorry he didn't have any other words of comfort to give her. Her head turned, and he felt her shoulder tense. He followed her gaze and saw what she was looking at, shocked along with her._

_Three large stones lay beside the rubble, all in a row. These had been placed there with purpose, they hadn't fallen like all of the other stones and bricks scattered everywhere. She walked closer, and gasped as she saw the words etched in the surface._

" _Did you do this?" she asked with an edge to her voice._

_Garrett wasn't sure if he was more surprised that she spoke aloud, or if it was the tone in her voice, either way, he joined her to take a closer look at the large stones. "No," he said clearing his throat, "these are new."_

" _How new?"_

" _Not sure, but I'd say a few months?" He rubbed his hand over her name and the date scribed below it. Each of the stones were the same: a name and the date of the bomb. They were grave markers he realized. "You know who did this, don't you?" he asked._

" _No." She stood up suddenly, walking away from him. She was agitated, he could tell, but he wanted to keep her talking._

" _You've got your reasons, I get it. You don't want to talk about it, but someone you know is still alive. They survived. Don't you want to find out who it is?"_

_She stood still with her back to him and whispered, "No." Moments passed and she finally added, "She's not dead, is she?"_

" _Who? Victoria? I don't know. I tried to go after her, but I didn't want to leave you. She could be. She probably survived."_

" _I want to find her."_

" _You don't think she did this?" Garrett motioned to the stones. "Do you?" he asked, confused a little bit._

" _She didn't." The sun had started to rise, the sky was pink and orange, almost as if it was on fire, and when Bella finally turned to face him, her body was silhouetted by the light. She was glaring at him, with a hardened look on her face and she no longer looked like the timid, vacant girl he had known her to be all these months. She lowered her voice and said with determination, "But I want her dead."_

" _I think the name Phoenix is going to suit you just fine."_


	26. Opportunity Only Knocks Once

**CHAPTER 25**

**-:- Opportunity Only Knocks Once -:-**

* * *

**2016 -:- Present Day**

It was you and your family, wasn't it?" Garrett asked me and Jasper.

I looked over at Bella, and she still had her head down. She wouldn't look at any of us, and I kind of felt the same way.

"We went to Phoenix after Chicago," Jasper answered for me. "We would have gone sooner, but I wasn't in any shape to travel. Edward needed some cl—"

"Jasper," I said interrupting him, slightly shaking my head. I didn't want to sully the moment with the pathetic tale of my miseries.

 _When are you going to tell her?_ he asked in his head. I could only give him a hard look letting him know to drop it.

Bella glanced up to watch our exchange and our eyes met briefly, both of us uncomfortable with the story Garrett had just shared.

"I thought as much, but she wouldn't ever admit it, or didn't want to accept it."

"Garrett." It was Bella's turn, to warn Garrett he was heading into dangerous territory.

"What? It's the truth. Doesn't matter now, whatever or whoever it was that day, caused a fire to burn inside of you. I was grateful for it, because you were finally alive that day. The ' _Phoenix'_ was born!" he teased, raising his arms high above his head, laughing.

"Shut up," she snapped back.

"Ah, Nix, you know I love ya. Drag that ornery ass over here, and give me a hug goodbye."

The tension in the room doubled, and Jasper apologized quickly, realizing he had shared Bella's emotions with everyone.

"What? No!" Bella protested.

"I'm leaving with Jasper."

"Why are you leaving?" She stood up crossing her arms.

"Because I miss my wife," Jasper said. "I need to go back."

"Of course, I'm sorry. Alice must be worried," Bella said under her breath.

"We'll all go. We'll come too," I offered, but saw Bella stiffen just ever so slightly at the mention of heading back to Forks.

 _She's not ready, Edward._ Both Garrett and Jasper managed to say at the same time in my head. I knew they were right, but I wasn't sure if the prospect of staying with me alone was more daunting to Bella than heading back to Forks.

"I'm sorry," I apologized to Jasper, "I shouldn't have kept you from Alice."

"It's fine, but if I leave it any longer, she'll be on this doorstep soon enough," he said laughing, walking toward me. _Will you be all right, here_ _…_ _alone with Bella?_

I squeezed his shoulder and nodded. I hoped we would be. There was still so much to talk through, and having Garrett here was putting a serious damper on things.

"But you're not going, Garrett," Bella stated.

"Sorry, Nix, I am," he said sadly, gathering her in his arms. "Jasper and I talked it through, and I need to head back with him, talk to his family about what's happening. We need the jump start. Besides, I want to see Carlisle again. I doubt he'll even remember me, but I'd like to see the man who saved my life, once upon a time ago."

"But we said we'd never separate. No matter what. That was our rule. Our only rule." She had pushed away from him and had her feet firmly planted on the ground.

"Well, unless I'm mistaken, you're in no shape to head back to Forks, now, are you?" he asked, holding up her chin. "Jasper has to go, so that leaves me, you and him." He pointed to me. "Three is not company, even in an apocalyptic world, it's a crowd."

"But we said—"

"And we will. But eight years is long time, and it's about time we enjoyed our lives a little bit. You'll be fine. She'll be fine, right, Edward?" he asked me.

"When will you come back?" she asked.

"I was hoping you'd join us in Forks," Garrett said simply. "When you're ready, of course."

"What if something happens?" she asked. "What if—"

"Sweetheart," he interrupted, "wild dogs couldn't keep me away." He was grinning widely at her.

 _Wild dogs,_ I thought, and the wolves popped into my head. "Speaking of wild dogs …" I said, realizing none of them would know about the wolves of La Push and I needed to warn them to be on guard. Jasper had left before we found out about their existence. "Do you remember the legend of the Quileutes?" I said to Jasper, who in turn, briefly explained the story to Garrett and Bella.

"I've heard the rumors," Garrett said, nodding.

"Well, they aren't rumors. The wolves exist," I said, "and they're back."

"They're back?" Jasper asked with amazement in their voice. "What happened?"

"Bella, do you remember Jacob Black? Your friend from the reservation?"

"Yes, a little bit, he was younger than me, right? Little Jacob Black, and I remember you were jealous of him." She was smiling at me.

"I was not jealous. I just knew there was something wrong with that kid. And there is. He's not so little anymore. In fact, he's huge, and he's pack leader of the wolves." I spent the next few minutes briefly explaining about Charlie and the compound and the wolves.

By the time I had finished, Garrett had a huge grin on his face, excited by the idea of finally seeing one of the legendary wolves in person, especially knowing it would be on neutral territory.

"A real wolf!" he said in astonishment. "I never thought I'd get the chance to see one, and you're telling me there are five of them! Nix, this is unbelievable. Things are looking up for us." He winked at her. "Maybe we won't have to follow through on that plan of yours."

"Garrett, that's between you and me," she said with a warning in her tone. "Don't even think about it. You promised me." She quickly looked at me, knowing I would be searching Garrett's mind for any clues, but he was careful to keep me out.

"What deal?" Jasper asked, sending a soothing calm around the room. "You never discussed a deal."

Garrett walked toward Bella and softly said to her, "It's going to take more than you and I to bring her down. You know that."

"You promised me. We're not bringing them into this."

"Sweetheart, they're already in it!" He grabbed her by the shoulders shaking her a bit. "Open your eyes! You can't do it alone! We tried for eight years and we never got close to her. What makes you think that will change?"

"I'm not going to Forks," she said stubbornly to him.

"You can take as much time as you need, and come join us when you're ready, but you are going to see them," he stated firmly.

"Why does everyone insist on telling me what to do!" she yelled.

"I'm not telling you what to do, I'm speaking rationally. I know you, Nix. You've been aching for this day since the first time I laid eyes on you in your bedroom in Phoenix. I love you more than my own life, and I'd give anything to see you happy. Those people are your family and they love you just as I do. Don't make me carry you there against your will. 'Cause you know I'll do it, just like that one time in that little settlement town, remember?" He picked her up and lifted her over his shoulder. "So stubborn!"

"Put me down, you oaf!" She was beating her hands against his back, and laughing at him, as he spun her around. I quietly left through the front door, my heart breaking a little at the site of their affection, and how close they really were.

Jasper followed me, and the two of us walked down to the lake in silence.

_Did you talk at least?_

I nodded, putting my hands in my pockets.

_Did you tell her about the past?_

"There's no point," I said quietly, picking up a flat rock from the shore and flinging it as far as I could, watching as it skipped across the water. "I can't compete with that."

.

GARRETT AND BELLA SAID their goodbyes while Jasper and I stayed by the lake. We didn't talk much, Jasper sensed my need for some reflection and just stood with me silently, letting me stew things over. He was worried that leaving Bella and I, here alone, was not exactly a good idea. He was torn between wanting to stay and wanting to go home. I put on my best smile to convince him we would be fine. He needed to go home to Alice, his thoughts were consumed of her.

Jasper persuaded me to walk back to the cabin. I didn't even mind that he manipulated my emotions. I had been on such a rollercoaster of emotions in the last 48 hours I was happy to let him guide me a little bit. We stood just outside the door listening in on their conversation.

"So, what did you think?" Bella asked.

"Well, I'll admit, it wasn't as bad as I thought," Garrett said, and I could see in his thoughts his arm was around Bella, which I bristled at the image, and opened the door to the cabin without even thinking. They were laughing and teasing each other, like old friends would do, something I realized Bella and I had never really done.

"Sure, you'll listen to Jasper but not to me," she said, poking him.

"How could I trust you at the time? He's," he pointed to Jasper, "at least dined from both menus." He laughed, and Garrett's eyes moved to me.

 _Not helping the cause, Edward. You keep walking like that, and she's going to let you keep walking. She wants to push you_. _She's trying to see what you're made of,_ Garrett said silently to me, smirking a little. I hated the man, well at least I wanted to hate him, but it was proving to be difficult.

"You just about ready, Garrett?" Jasper asked, sensing the silent battle between Garrett and I.

"Alright, then!" Garrett exclaimed, clapping his hands. "Oh, one last thing. I'll be right back." He left in a blur out the door, his thoughts were filled by a desert flower, which I didn't quite understand.

"So, you'll be all right alone?" Jasper asked me one last time.

"He won't be alone," Bella said, rolling her eyes. "Edward has no idea what it's like to be on his own. I envy him."

"Just because I was surrounded by people doesn't mean I wasn't alone," I said quietly back without even thinking.

"You know what I meant."

"No, he doesn't," Jasper said from the doorway. "Don't presume to think you know what my brother went through, Bella. Because you're wrong. He's suffered enough. I think we all have." He lifted himself from the doorframe. There was anger in his eyes and his mind was reeling, wanting to blurt out everything that had happened to us in the last ten years.

"Jasper," I said in a hostile tone.

"No, Edward, you won't tell her, someone has to."

"Tell me what?" Bella asked.

"Jasper! Enough," I yelled.

"Tell me what?" Bella walked toward Jasper, the two of them meeting in the middle of the room.

"It's nothing," I said closing my eyes, wishing I could silently speak to Jasper.

_Tell her. If not, I will._

Jasper put his hands on his hips, and faced me square on, waiting for me to confess, and when I didn't, he turned back to Bella. "We had our family, yes, I'm not denying that, but don't tell me he had it easy, none of us did. Bella, we all have our stories, and our scars," he absently touched his eye where the devil-child had almost blinded him, "so who are you to say someone's pain is less or more than someone else's?"

"Stop it!" I yelled again. "That's enough, Jasper." The sound of my voice echoed around the room, and floated on the wind over the lake.

Garrett came rushing in, glancing at the scene before him, and hesitantly raised his hands while he cleared his throat. "Whoa, what's going on here? Nix, you good?"

Bella nodded, avoiding looking at anyone.

Jasper was glaring at me, his mouth set in anger. _What are you doing, Edward? I don't get you. If you're purposely trying to sabotage this, I wash my hands of you. I can't help you anymore. You're on your own. I get that you don't want to tell her everything, but it's like you've given up before you've even started. She's testing you. Can't you see that? Or are you still too caught up in your own misery? She's a fighter, so fight._

"Tex, we still leaving?" Garrett asked.

"Yeah, we're leaving," Jasper said slowly, still glaring. The hostility he was feeling was seeping into my body while he purposely tried to change my attitude. _Use it. Feel something_ _…_ _anything other than that self-pity you've been feeling._

"Nix," Garrett said, "it's not the usual, but it'll do, right? It's all I could find. Should last long enough, right?" He smiled, handing her an evergreen sprig.

"You remembered, and yes," she laughed, "it'll do." She jumped up and hugged him. "Thank you for remembering."

"Of course! We're on the lam again, so tradition stands." He hugged her back before putting her down. "You sort this business out, and then come find me, and keep _that_ so you know I'm not far. Just like we used to."

Garrett stretched his hand out to me. "Edward," he said, "I'm trusting you." I squeezed his hand back, my expression remained blank, as he passed on his threats silently.

"I don't know how long you two are going to take, but Alice will have both our hides if you're not back by Thanksgiving," Jasper said from the door. It seemed he had moved past his anger, and was back to thinking about Alice. I nodded my head, indicating my gratitude toward him, yet again, and he smiled and answered in his head, _I know. Don't mess it up._ "We'll see you two soon and don't take too long," he winked at Bella, "it's been long enough."

And then we were alone again, completely awkward in our own skins, it was like we were starting back at the beginning.

"Thanksgiving?" she asked.

"Alice is big on the holidays at the moment," I said dryly. "You know Alice."

The silence was palpable.

"Are you going to tell me what Jasper was talking about?"

"Not right now, no."

"Will you at some point?"

"Maybe, but I'm not sure it will make a difference. It seems you've made up your mind about me already, and I doubt anything I say will change it."

"That's not fair, Edward."

"Maybe not, but it's the truth. I can't compete with what you have with Garrett, you've made that clear. I just want to know where you see me fitting into your life, if at all."

She sighed deeply, leaning against the wall where we had sat earlier. Twisting the twig of the evergreen in between her fingers, she said, "I'm not sure, if I'm being honest. There are a lot of things to consider, and the first thing is Maria. I don't see the point of going to Forks. It'll just make it harder when I have to do what I have to do. So I'd rather not go."

"Wait, what? But you told them we were going. You told Garrett you'd be there soon."

"Garrett would never let me leave. He'd follow me wherever I went, and where I'm going I can't have any weaknesses, and that's what he is. So are you."

"This is why you agreed to stay without him? So you could get away?"

"Yes," she said simply.

"So, this was never about us?"

"No."

"You're lying."

"Edward, please," she begged moving away from the wall. "It would never work again. We're too different, and besides, I've already chosen my life and you're not in it." She shrugged and it was so unlike her, I knew she was just playing a part.

"I don't believe you." I smiled knowing exactly what she was up to. I was the master at this game, not her. I slowly walked toward her, almost as if I was stalking her. "I don't need the flow of your blood to tell me when you're lying. You never were a good liar, Bella." She had started shuffling backward with every step I took, until she was up against the wall again with my arms leaning against the wood, like a simple cage—one I knew she could easily break free of, but nonetheless I wasn't letting her get away.

"Don't," she whispered.

"Don't what?"

"Don't do this."

"Then, don't make me," I said almost growling even though I knew she was stronger than me and any second I was sure to be up against the far wall being held against my will.

"Edward," she warned.

"Tell me … why are you so afraid?" I leaned down toward her. I was inches from her face staring at her blood-filled eyes.

She licked her lips and instantly something shifted in her eyes. There was such sorrow in them, I felt guilty for having pushed her. I was about to drop my hands when she whispered very softly, "I can't have this and have it taken all away again. I won't survive this time." She closed her eyes, reaching up to my face and gently stroked my cheeks. "I can't be happy, not even for a moment."

"Bella," I breathed. I didn't know what to say, and instead just put my arms around her holding her.

"She'll come. She won't stop."

"I know," I said rubbing the small of her back, "that's why we have to make the best of everything, every little moment. You deserve to be happy, and as much as it's painful for me to say it, I do too. You survived, Bella, we both did. And this precious time we do have, we have to make it count." I kissed the top of her head, pulling her tighter to me. "I don't know what's going to happen, but rest assured, when the world comes crashing down around us again for the second time, I want to be by your side. I _will_ be by your side. All I can do is love you. That's about all I know, right now."

We stayed that way for a while, neither of us wanting to be the first to break the connection. She was gripping me tightly, and I realized I was gripping her just as tightly, something I would have been conscience of, had she been human. It was just us in the moment. I wasn't worrying about breaking her and the revelation hit me hard. We were equals. There was a stirring inside of me that I hadn't ever felt before. It was a hunger, almost like a thirst, yet I wasn't thirsty for blood.

"Bella," I croaked, moving away from her to hide my discomfort, and cleared my throat. "Why don't we go outside, explore a bit. I'm sure you'd like to run a little and stretch your legs." I was extremely uncomfortable, and it was showing. I didn't know where Bella's feelings were, where she was at in terms of the next step in our rekindling, but I didn't want to push her in any respect until she was absolutely ready. There was no denying that I wanted her, I just wondered if she wanted me.

Her expression clouded and she pushed away from me. "I, um …" she stammered, "I don't know."

"What is it?"

"Nothing," she replied quickly, shaking her head.

"Bella …"

"It's nothing, really, it's just silly." She waved her hand, running it through her hair and walked to the window. Her hands were resting on the frame and I could see the dents she was making from squeezing it so hard.

"I doubt it. Please, tell me." I stood behind her, wanting to reach out and touch her arms, but refrained. She knew I was behind her, her shoulders tensed for a brief moment but then relaxed leaning back into my chest.

She laughed a little as she said her next words. "It's so reflexive, I can't help it."

"Help what?"

"I know it's you behind me and no one else, but it doesn't stop me from being ready for the unexpected. I wonder if it will ever change. Will I always be this way?"

"I know you think it's you and what happened to you, but a part of that is just what you are now. It's instinct, Bella." The top of her head was inches from my chin and I couldn't help but lean over and rest it against her. "You want to tell me what's got you pacing?"

She was still looking out the window, and the view before us was the lake we had yet to walk down to. The edges had just started to freeze, but in the morning light it looked like a mirror with its reflection filled with the two snow-capped mountains off in the distance. The sky was pink and it was such a beautiful sight I was sure at one point in the last ten years I never thought I would ever experience something as rich and pristine as this, like the world had been reset. The trees on the mountain side were young, but they were flourishing, even with the layers of snow it was evident.

"It's beautiful," she said.

"Mmhmm," I managed to mumble against her head.

"It scares me," she confessed and I felt her tension again.

"Why would you say that?" Placing my hands on her shoulders, I turned her to face me. "Bella, why would _that_ scare you?"

"Don't you see? This …" she turned to the window, "is amazing!" she said laughing, but it was forced. "But it's not my life. She'll come for me, Edward, and we won't be able to stop her. I can't fight her with you and your family around. She'll use you against me, just like she did with Garrett. Only this time there are too many of you to protect, and she won't spare all of you. I can't have that. I _won't_ have that. The only way to end this is for me to go back. On my own." She had slipped out from under me and walked away. It was my turn to grip the window frame, my fingers pressing deeper into the dents she had already made.

Lowering my head I said in a low and even tone, "That isn't going to happen."

"Don't fight me on this."

"Goddamn it!" I ripped the frame form the wall. "I _will_ fight you on this, because you're wrong. There's not one of us that would let you go back there!"

"There's just so much to do," she sighed, "and I may be immortal now and have all this strength, but I feel so tired."

Those simple little words seemed to say it all. There was very little time to be happy. Maria's army would reign down on us soon enough. Perhaps in the new year. From what Jasper had shared, he didn't think her army would be mobile any time soon. Even she had strategies to think about, and if she thought Jasper was in league with the Volturi, well then, she would execute her plan carefully.

"You're not alone anymore. I know there's a lot to do. We have plans and strategies we have to think about, but for right now, can't we forget all that? Can it just be you and me? This …" I gestured between the two of us, "we have time to figure this out."

"Not enough," she disagreed, sighing sadly. "She'll send scouts."

"We have time," I said again, gathering her in my arms. "We're together, that's all the matters right now."

She was silent for a long time before she spoke again. "I'm just not used to all this. You have to be patient, it's not that easy for me. There's a part of me that wants to run as far away as we can and forget everything that's coming and just be with you. But then there's a part of me that thinks this is all a waste of time, I should be concentrating on how to defeat Maria. None of this is going to mean anything when she comes."

I held her at arm's length. "You don't really mean that, Bella. I think you know it means everything. It's what sets us apart from her and why we stand a chance."

She rolled her eyes. "Love conquers all."

"Yes. It does."

"You didn't believe that ten years ago when you left me in the woods."

"I believe now. You're proof of that." I took a moment before asking the next question. This was it, and I would stop breathing until she answered, but we both needed to hear the truth. "Can you love me again? Do you even want to try?"

She fiddled with the hem of her shirt, still unsure of her mixed emotions. She was afraid. I understood what she was trying to tell me, she was terrified to have this all taken away from her again. But I would never let that happen, the question was whether or not she was willing to give me a second chance.

"Yes."

It wasn't as convincing as I had hoped, but she was willing to try and that's all I needed to hear. I pulled her toward me, resting her head against my chest. The tension in her body relaxed a little, but the discussion wasn't over, there was still something she was holding back. I didn't need to read her mind to figure out she hadn't given up on this plan of hers. She was still the same Bella after all these years.

"How about we go hunting, take it slow, see what happens, and come back and read some more of that journal of yours?" I looked down at her, giving her the best the best grin I could muster.

She shook her heard. "That damn crooked smile," she mumbled. "After all these years, I still fall for it."

**2008 -:- Bella's Journal**

_So, now you know_ _how I came to be one of you. I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilty, Alice, I don't want any secrets between us if we ever do meet again. Secrets just didn't seem to work with us. Maybe I do want you to know what I went through, but not because of what you think. I want you to see that I was strong enough to survive. I know you never doubted it, but others did._

_I don't remember anything more, other than the fire and the burning pain, well, and the screaming and the writhing as the broken bones healed while my spine snapped straight again. It was everything you said it would be, but I had a stranger with me instead, not any of you._

_It's been a year since that day, and I'm still surprised Garrett is with me. He hasn't left, but I keep waiting for the day, because I know it'll happen eventually. I'm not exactly the best companion, I rarely speak. All I want to do is find Victoria, but with each day that passes it's becoming clear I probably never will. Garrett tries to broach the subject of letting it go, but I refuse to listen to him. I'm not sure why he stays. I won't adapt to his ways, in fact, I disagree with almost everything he says or does. I know I do it to push him away, better sooner rather than later. I can't let myself become too attached to him, that's a mistake I'll never make again. No matter what I say or do, he stays. He promised me the day we left Phoenix he wouldn't leave, that we would never separate. I wanted to believe him, but at the time it was impossible to do. Slowly, he's been building that trust, and if he does have to leave, he has this little token he gives me to remind me he'll be back. It's silly, really, but it does seem to help. He scavenges the area, searching for a flower or anything still living and tells me he'll be back before it wilts. I didn't believe him when he first did it, but true to his promise, he was back before the flower started wilting. It seems simple, but it's comforting, and now each time he leaves he does the same thing and he's never broken his promise. It's his way to let me know I can trust him._

_He's a good man. Red eyes aside, he's so different but so similar to all of you. It's like he walks in two worlds. The world you live in, and the world of vampires like James and Victoria. He's a fighter, but a good man with a conscious even if he does choose to kill. I imagine this is how your brother might have been during those rebellious years of his with Carlisle and Esme._

_Garrett's got a little bit of each of you in him, almost as if I have my personal family Cullen wrapped up in one vampire. There's a little bit of Emmett in there, the way he teases me to no end and keeps me laughing on a daily basis. He was a soldier, like Jasper, and there's a quiet intelligence behind his eyes that could never be learned from books. And there are times when I see him with humans we pass in our travels, he treats them with respect and compassion—he tells me it's strictly for my benefit but it's there nonetheless—and reminds me of how Carlisle was at the hospital. He cares for me deeply, I know that and there is a fierce protectiveness which I suppose is much like Esme and even Rosalie. And then there's you. He's my friend and knows what I need before I even know I need it. But as much as I think he's like all of you, maybe I'm just desperate to see each of you in him. He's not filled that void left behind when you disappeared from my life._

_Maybe that has everything to do with Edward._

_I should love Garrett. I want to love him, I really do. But I don't, not yet. (I'm adding that 'yet' because I am determined to try.) Garrett is not the seven of you, as much as I want him to be, he never will be and it's not fair to him to mold him into something he isn't. Perhaps that's the key to loving him. Not looking for something that will never be there._

_We're not sure where we're headed. Garrett has been suggesting we head North, even up to Washington to see if Charlie survived, but I've refused to entertain the idea. I'm not ready to find out if Charlie survived, or worse, if he didn't. He didn't want me around then, so I'm fairly sure he won't want me now that I belong to the society of the undead. Besides, stories from travelers about the North and the cold have me doubting anyone could have survived. The weather is harsh here in the South, and people are coming in droves in search of food and warmth. I've seen animals down here that I never would have imagined. Grizzlies in Arizona? Our food source, both mine and Garrett's, is here. This is what I tell myself so I don't have to admit that I'm afraid to go back. It's better that Charlie thinks I'm dead, because that's all I'll ever be to him._

_Garrett still tries to mention the family every once and awhile, ever since we saw the stones in Phoenix. I know it was one of you who placed them there, and I think he knows it, too. I've never told him what happened, or how I know all of you, but I think it's pretty obvious to guess. I wonder what he thinks about the notion of a human loving a vampire. Probably pathetic and ridiculous, and I have to agree. It never could have worked and I see that now._

_Garrett knows to only bring up the subject when I'm in a good mood. It's a clever game he plays. He seems to think I need to have some closure or something, but if none of you wanted me as a human, then I'm not about to go looking for you as a vampire. It wouldn't change anything. Maybe I'm stubborn, just like he says, but it's a touchy subject and usually ends with neither of us talking to the other, or mostly me not talking to him. I wonder when he'll just give up completely, probably when I give up the idea of finding Victoria. I realize none of you are my family, you never were. Garrett's my family now, he's all I have._

_I'm still trying to get a handle on my thirst, even though Garrett says it's impossible for a newborn to have the control I do have. I don't really think much about it, having only ever seen one newborn, and he was hell-bent on killing me. My only real comparison as to how a vampire should act is from your family. But I'm proud to say, I have not tasted human blood. I'll add 'yet,' because Garrett seems to think it's inevitable and if it does happen, he doesn't want me to beat myself up over it. It's an endless debate between the two of us._

_.  
_

_IT'S BEEN A LONG time since I've written in here. Truth is, I have nothing further to write. There's no point in dwelling in the past. It would be too easy to fill this up with the 'what if's' and the 'should've's' but it doesn't help, only makes me think of the things that can never be. There are days when I'm so angry and unbearable to be around, and I can't help it, but I just wish Garrett had left me to die. Those are the days he leaves me alone and usually goes scouting._

_Why am I living this miserable existence?_

_He's been harping at me to continue to write, so this is my attempt. It's been six months and things are just getting worse. Maybe when something better happens, I'll pick this up again, but for now, I can't._

_We've stayed in this place too long Garrett says. I suppose I can't complain, having never lived the life of a Nomad, I have no notion of what is too long. But he assures me we've stayed long enough to garner attention. We ran into a group of humans the other day, thankfully Garrett was full up from the morning hunt. I'm still working on the whole vegetarian thing with him. He seems to think since the world has ended, he should be able to do what he wants, enjoy what he wants._

_It was odd, the humans spoke of stories about people turning to cannibalism, passing it off as the effects of the radiation. They called them monsters who drank blood. It's strange thinking I'm one of those monsters now, even if I do not fully partake in what they described._

_The news of these 'monsters' seems to worry Garrett. It's not gone unnoticed by me that he's more on edge now. He never wants to stay in one place too long, and avoids the roads at all cost. I'm okay to follow wherever he wants to lead me. It's comforting having him in my life. I'm not sure where I'd be without him. But sometimes I catch him looking at me, and I know that look, it saddens me because I doubt I will ever return it. The change healed my body physically, but did nothing for me mentally. I'm still broken. I don't think I'll ever love again, because if I can't love Garrett, who is such a kind and decent man who I know loves me, then who can I love?_

_.  
_

_ANOTHER FEW WEEKS HAVE passed since I've been able to write. I looked over my last entry and thought about crossing it all out, but I guess that's not the point of this cathartic journal writing experience._

_I'd mentioned these 'cannibals,' well, things have taken a little turn for the worse. We knew they were vampires, but these aren't just any vampires, Garrett says. They seem to be territorial and careless, which he says are two very dangerous combinations. He's pushing the notion of the North on me, but I am resistant to the idea, so instead we are heading East, trying to stay on the move._

_We've made it into Texas, and things are odd within the surrounding settlements. They've set up barriers and gates around their buildings, and it's getting more and more difficult to gain access to these 'compounds.' They've locked out any outsiders, and some of them have armed guards settled above questioning anyone that comes within a hundred yards. They're afraid of something, but no one will talk to us because we're strangers and not to be trusted. The mood in the South is tense, and the further we go, the more apprehensive Garrett has become. He's pushing me to go North, and I have surprisingly agreed. Things are bad here, and I feel it's just the start. These settlements are casting aside the sick and the weak, like they are leaving them for offerings or something. There's no mercy in their eyes anymore, it's a harsh and empty world, everyone only thinking of survival._

_Garrett can't sustain himself on these sickly humans. The compassionate side of him takes their lives, putting them out of their pain and misery, but they aren't enough for him. We are going North. I need to make the compromise for him, and even though I haven't agreed to go to Washington, we need to move on from this wretched place. There's nothing we can do to help the humans. I can't help but feel afraid for Charlie. If this is what is to become of the population, I'm starting to hope he died along with most of the lucky people in the world._

_We're still in Texas. It's been a week since we made the decision to leave, but we've hit a snag. Well, not so much as a snag, but a few unwelcomed stragglers. It's my fault, with Garrett not as strong as we would like him to be, and me, well, I'm a pathetic vampire, really. I have no strength, or speed, or any powers to speak of which makes me pretty vulnerable to our kind. We ran into a couple of vampires. We left them as quickly as we encountered them, but Garrett is not convinced they are gone. He believes they're following us, or 'herding' us and we're going to have some trouble headed our way. We're in hiding at the moment, hoping things die down and they move on once they realize we're pretty much harmless and not after their food source._

_.  
_

_WE'RE NOT ALONE ANYMORE. There are three of them, at first we thought there was only two which Garrett figured he could take them if it came to a fight, but he's not so sure with three. He's never taught me to fight, and I don't think he wants to take the chance. I feel like such a burden, more than when I was a human. At least then, I knew my own body, I knew my limitations, but now I'm just as pathetic as I was then._

_They keep talking about a woman named Maria. Garrett knows of her, says she's an old one, and dangerous and unpredictable. He's worried, and all because of me. He's had to convince them we're mates, telling me to play along. I know the seriousness of the situation we're in, so this time I've listened. They've asked we come with them to meet this Maria, but Garrett politely refused. Unfortunately, they've insisted. She's recruiting again, Garrett tells me, whatever that means._

_.  
_

_I UNDERSTAND WHY THIS journal was so important to Garrett, especially now. Days and nights have become one. Alice, your brother was right, time is endless, and down here, even more so. Having this book back in my hands has given me more comfort than I ever thought imaginable. It's like seeing an old friend again, and given me a spark of hope that I will see Garrett soon. Speaking of friends, I think I've made one, or as close to a friend as possible down here. He's the one who gave this back to me. He's a little frightening, most of the other vampires are afraid of him, but for some odd reason he has taken a liking to me. He's an odd little fellow, this Isaac, but I'm happy to have someone on my side, despite how terrifying he can be. I've always known about these 'extra' abilities vampires have. But I thought they were more passive, like yours, and Jasper's and even Edward's. I've come to realize that's not the case. Some of them are rather frightening, mine included._

_We've been separated. The vampires with 'potential'—which I guess includes me even though I haven't been able to reproduce what happened the day she took us—are kept apart from the others. All I know is that the other "workers" as she calls them, are building more tunnels in this cavern. Already it's an endless maze of corridors, so I can't imagine what's being built further in the underbelly of this place, and to what purpose?_

_Isaac assures me Garrett is here with me, but I've yet to see him. It's odd, but I believe Isaac, and not because I trus_ _t him, but I feel Garrett here. I can't explain it, but I know he's nearby. He must have had my journal the whole time, even though I don't know how he would have kept it from her_ _…Maria that is. I think he knows the value of it and its contents. I should destroy it, but I can't bring myself to and Garrett must have risked a lot to get it to me. His note on the next page has said it all._

_Rise Phoenix._

_G_

_I have to learn to harness this power inside of me. I have to use it to get us free. All this time I've been resisting everything Maria has asked of me. No longer. It's my time now._


	27. There But For the Grace of God, Go I

**CHAPTER 26**

**-:- There But For the Grace of God, Go I -:-**

* * *

**2016 -:- Present Day**

There's quite a gap between these last two entries," I said, closing the journal. "How did she find you?"

"She didn't so much as find us, more like we were taken to her. We couldn't shake the three vampires. We didn't trust them, but they acted like they wanted to befriend us. Garrett knew of Maria, apparently any vampire in the South knew of her before the bombs. I guess you did, too." I nodded, remaining silent. Jasper's past was no secret to our family. "You never told me about Jasper." It wasn't an accusation, only more of an understanding. Bella and Jasper finally had something in common.

"It wasn't my story to tell. Not exactly a story to share with a human." She gave me a weak smile in return. "Did he tell you about his time with Maria?"

She nodded. "She was mad even back then. I saw her with him, Edward. She won't just come for me, she'll take him, too. She'll want her revenge. What she let Emilia do to him was nothing, child's play, pardon the pun."

"We'll stop her."

"How? If what you said about Alice, how will we know what's coming? Or when she's coming?"

"Don't underestimate Alice. Especially if Jasper's life is on the line. I saw her thoughts when he was telling us what happened to him. We'll be ready."

"Do you think the Volturi are still alive?"

"I don't know. Even if they are, I can't imagine they are on the continent. Jasper did mention something odd about a story involving twins. I don't know too much about their guards, Carlisle and Eleazar would know more, but it sounded a lot like Jane and Alec. But as to their allegiance? That's anyone's guess." I saw the doubt in her eyes.

"With you and Garrett, we have fourteen strong vampires."

"It's not enough, Edward."

Neither of us spoke for awhile. I didn't respond because whatever I'd say would be a lie. It wasn't enough, and it was false hope to think that it was. We would have to come up with a solid plan if we had any chance of defeating Maria's army and surviving.

"So how did you come to be with her?" I finally asked, breaking our thoughts, hoping to take our worries away from the future that was breathing down our necks.

"Garrett was curious. He wanted to see what she was up to. He said the rumors we were hearing were uncharacteristic of her. She usually kept a low profile, so he wanted to see what was happening, if we needed to be concerned. You talk about 'what if's,'" she looked up at me, "that's his big 'what if.' What if we had just taken our chances with the three vampires? But he was itching for a change. It'd been almost two years of the same thing, he was restless. He didn't know it was as serious as it had become. How could he? So we agreed to go with them."

.

" _LISTEN, NIX, NO ARGUING on this, okay? You do what I say. We're in some trouble," Garrett whispered in my ear. We were inside a compound, but there wasn't much to it. It had the typical high gates like most of the settlements were constructing, but inside it wasn't teeming with life or much of anything. There were humans around, which seemed odd because the amount of vampires greatly outweighed their numbers. The humans appeared to be slaves. Garrett didn't need to remind me of anything, I could sense this was definitely a place we didn't want to be near._

_We were taken there, not exactly against our will, but not by our own choice either. Garrett didn't want any trouble so he agreed to follow the three vampires who had crossed our path. I was surprised when he said yes, but I was sure he had his reasons, he just hadn't shared them yet. I suppose he was curious, I was curious too, but now we were both regretting our decision. Things were bleak here, and something was definitely wrong, it was in the air. It was thick and pungent and smelled of death._

_We stood in the middle of the compound waiting to be told what to do next. Nobody watched us with curious eyes, which lead me to believe strangers were a frequent occurrence in this place. Eventually our guides came back, and in tow was a small entourage of new vampires with a woman in the middle of the throng. She wasn't very big, almost as tiny as Alice, but she had a way about her which definitely commanded respect and I knew this must be "Maria."_

" _Well, what have you brought me this time?" she asked the three vampires who were our companions on the road here._

" _Only two, but they gave us no trouble, Maria." The vampire bowed as he spoke to her, clearly afraid of her._

_She walked toward us, and Garrett immediately pushed me behind him and stood up straight. Maria laughed a wicked laugh and circled around us._

" _I see only one who's worthy. This one…" she lifted up a piece of my hair, "is of no use to me." Garrett squeezed my hand and I didn't dare move or breath._

" _They're together. Mates. He wouldn't leave her," the other vampire said._

_His answer amused Maria and she howled, throwing her head up to the grey sky, but she never took her eyes off of me. "Ignorant fool. These two are no more mates than you and I are." Her eyes shifted to Garrett, and she examined him for a few breat_ _hs. "He cares for her, I'll give you that, but there is no bond here."_

" _She's mine," Garrett said, simply._

" _I don't doubt that_ _…_ _but you," she sneered at him, moving closer, "tall drink of water, are not hers. That's plain enough to see."_

_I started to say_ _something, but Garrett's hand squeezed my own, signaling me to keep quiet._

" _She's but two years old. In time," he said._

" _Which is precisely my point. She should have some of the strength of a newborn left and the ferocity too, but I see none of that." She turned her attention back to me, looking me up and down. Instinctively, I moved closer to Garrett, hugging my body up against his._

" _What is it you're doing here? Why have we been brought here?" he asked._

" _I'm sure you know of my reputation? Yes?" Garrett nodded. "Well then, you should know exactly what I'm doing." She laughed wickedly again, and the others laughed along with her. "I'm building an army!"_

" _We want no part of that. We're headed North."_

" _Now see, you've hurt my feelings," she said frowning. "I've gone and invited you to my party, and you're turning my invitation down. Not everyone gets one, you know." He eyes fell back to me with her last statement and she grinned._

" _We thank you for the offer, but we just want to stay out of any of that."_

" _But don't you see? That's not possible. If you aren't with me, you're against me. And I can't have you against me, can I?"_

" _We won't be anywhere near here, like I said, we're headed North."_

" _And so will we, eventually. So it's just better for me if I take care of you now. More convenient and all." She was standing in front of Garrett again, looking up at him and smiling sweetly._

" _So if we refuse…?"_

" _Come on, big boy, you know that answer." She looked at the entourage of vampires behind her. "Be smart. Join the party."_

_Garrett was silent for a few minutes. He didn't move, but the pressure of his grip was increasing on my hand. We didn't have a choice, at least not at this moment. We could live to fight another day or die here, now, at the hands of this woman._

" _Both of us," Garrett said, grinding out the words between his teeth, his body tense against mine. The other vampires shifted their feet, shocked Garrett had the nerve to request something from Maria, even if she wasn't fazed._

" _She's weak, we can't use her, and her eyes, well, that just proves she's not cut out for our way of life."_

" _She can be taught."_

" _She's no fighter."_

" _She can do other stuff."_

" _That's what I like to hear. A talent?" she asked, raising her eyebrows, and turning her attentions back to me. She was looking at me with wonder in her eyes, waiting to hear what special gift I had. Neither of us spoke, knowing whatever we'd say would be a lie. I was a useless vampire, weak and powerless._

" _Well?" she snapped. And when we still had no answer for her, she turned on her heel, her long brown hair flickering over her shoulder and said, "Get rid of her, bring him."_

_Garrett reacted before she had even finished speaking. He jumped on her, hands at her throat and growled a vicious growl, one I had never heard the likes of coming from him. Maria was just a few seconds slower than Garrett, and obviously hadn't anticipated his reaction, neither had any of the other vampires. Garrett had her pinned on the ground and was trying to get a grip on her neck. We all stood watching in shock for moment until I felt two sets of hands wrapping around my arms, pulling me in separate directions._

" _Enough!" I heard from behind me. The two vampires on either side of me continued to pull and my arms felt like they were going to rip from my sockets. I tried not to cry out, but failed miserably. Garrett stopped when he heard my cries, but didn't turn around. His shoulders were slumped over, and I couldn't see Maria, but I heard her wicked laughter._

" _Boys, this one's a keeper! He's got some fight in him. He'll do."_

_Garrett was pulled to his feet, and as he was turned around his face was full of sorrow. He was trying to apologize for failing me and my heart swelled at seeing his pain._

" _If you kill her, you might as well kill me too," Garrett said to Maria. "I won't do anything for you."_

" _Fair enough." Maria shrugged with a wave of her hand._

" _No!" I yelled. "Garrett, don't." I gave him a grim smile. If this was where my life was going to end, I would gladly accept it to save Garrett. He had saved me, the least I could do was return the favor. This was a miserable existence anyway, I thought. I didn't want to spend an eternity like we had these past two years, and it was only going to get worse. What kind of life were we living? I'd come through hell and survived, only to exist in another hell._

_But I had survived_ _…_

_I'd survived all_ that _only to have it end like this? It wasn't fair. It was all for nothing. Images started to flash through my head. Images I thought I had long since forgotten. My mother, my father, my friends. Alice. Carlisle. James …_ _Laurent_ _…_ _Victoria_ _…_ _the bombs_ _…. And Edward. I'd lived through the impossible. It didn't make sense. It was all for nothing to have it end like this._

_It was all for nothing_ _…_

" _Pity, that," Maria frowned at Garrett, "I was beginning to like you."_

_Maria made another han_ _d gesture, signaling the other vampires to get rid of us both. The vampires holding Garrett started to drag him away and he struggled, fighting back. I wasn't listening to what he was saying to me, it was happening all in slow motion, yet, in my head there was another voice telling me to fight. To tap into what I already knew was there, buried deep inside. It was pushing me relentlessly, screaming at me as I watched them drag Garrett away._

It wasn't for nothing! _it screamed and I screamed back._ It wasn't for nothing!

_My eyes were shut tight. Everything around me was silent. It felt like I was underwater, cocooned in silence. For a moment I thought it had all been a dream and I was back in my bedroom in Phoenix. I didn't want to open my eyes, I just wanted to live in this alternate reality for a few moments longer. I held my hands out in front of me, feeling for the comforter on my bed, to trace the stitching in the patterns of the flowers. There was a foul stench in the air. It couldn't be in my bedroom, it wasn't possible that smell would be in my mother's house._

_I heard a name, one I recognized but wasn't sure who's it was._

" _Nix."_

_I heard it again, and slowly opened my eyes to see who was speaking. I was standing alone in the middle of a dirt courtyard. Everything around me was grey, not the vibrant colors I was seeing in my head. It was dull, and dark and there was metal everywhere. It wasn't the soft, feathery feel of my down comforter. There was no one around me for at least fifty yards. Everyone who had been standing in the courtyard was pushed up against the fence walls, none of them were moving. I was confused, not clear on where I was and what was happening. This darkness seemed like the dream, not the colors of my room. Turning, I slowly spun in a circle seeing the same thing all around me._

" _Nix," the voice said again, and I spun around looking for the source._

" _Garrett," I said, my brain finally connecting with my body. Everyone dropped to the ground, as if whatever force had been holding them up was released. I fell to my knees, a sudden feeling of exhaustion sweeping over my body. Garrett was by my side in seconds, checking me over, asking me questions. Questions I couldn't answer. I didn't know what happened or what I did, or if it even was me. I only remembered how angry I was, and how I didn't want anyone to touch me, or touch him. I remembered someone screaming at me telling me to fight, that this wasn't how it was supposed to work out._

" _Can you do it again," he whispered in my ear quickly._

" _Do what?" I asked confused. I didn't even know what I had done._

"That _," he emphasized with his eyes, shaking me a little bit. "What you just did. Do it again, get yourself out of here."_

" _I'm not leaving you."_

" _You have to. Go. Do it again and go."_

" _We made a promise, I'm not leaving you. I can't do it again," I pleaded. "I don't even know what I did."_

" _Try," he said squeezing my arms._

" _Well," I heard her voice over his shoulder, "you've been holding out on us." She was grinning like some kind of megalomaniac. "From the looks on your faces, you didn't know she had it in her. Can you do it again?" she asked, her eyes bright with wonder._

_Garrett didn't say anything he just pressed with his eyes to try it again. But I couldn't. There was nothing there, whatever had manifested was gone, and I barely had the energy to stand._

" _No? That's too bad. Bring them both." She signaled to the vampires on either side of her, and they cautiously moved toward us, unsure of whether or not they wanted to touch me again._

_We didn't struggle this time, knowing there was no point. We would live today, to fight another battle. I just had to figure out what kind of weapon I was carrying._

.

BELLA AND I SPENT the next few days getting reacquainted. We read her journal, talked, but mostly, we sat in silence resting in each other's arms, almost as if we were catching up on ten years of missing moments like this. We sat still, unmoving, unblinking and sometimes not even breathing, and then one of us would move slightly, a finger perhaps, and the spell would be broken. She had admitted she could love me again, but there was still something that seemed to hold her back. It wasn't obvious, subtle hints here and there. A far-off look when she was watching out the window, or a flinch if I moved too quickly. Reading her journal wasn't an easy task. There were things in there I'd rather not have known, things that made me doubt myself, and doubt what I thought Garrett and Bella meant to each other. I had to remind myself she wanted me to read it, not out of spite, but out of understanding. I tried to remain objective, but it was almost impossible to do so.

She wouldn't venture far, just enough to stretch her legs and satisfy her hunger, but it was like she was waiting for something to happen. She was constantly on edge and was never fully relaxed. I just wanted one day where we could be free. I tried not to think about it, but I couldn't help compare how she was with Garrett to how she was with me. With him, she laughed and joked and I saw a side of her I didn't know. I longed to know that side of her.

The sun was coming up over the mountain and a ray of light shone across the lake. I noticed the remnants of another cabin on the other side of our little lake. I searched the shore for others, they were easy to spot and I briefly wondered why I hadn't seen them before. I supposed I wasn't looking for them. I glanced around our cabin, there was nothing here, not even somewhere to sit, not even a blanket. I started thinking about the need for a blanket. It would be nice to have one . We might be more comfortable if we could sit on a blanket, I thought, convincing myself. And if we wanted to take things a little further, well …

"There are more cabins around the lake," I said a little louder than I intended.

"Are there?" she asked moving behind me, looking out the window. I was acutely aware of her body pressed up against me.

"Mmhmm," was about all I could manage, trying to get my mind back on track.

"Odd we never noticed them before."

"Mmhmm."

"You, okay?"

"Mmhmm, why?"

"You seem, I don't even know, but you seem … flustered."

"Really? Do I?"

"You do."

"I guess I'm just getting a little stir crazy. We should go for a hunt and check them out. They might have some things we can use."

"What can we use?"

"I don't know. They might have clothes, or books, or … a blanket?" I mumbled, leaning closer to the window, sticking my head out into the fresh air.

"Mmhmm," she mimicked and started laughing at me. "A book would be nice." The tone in her voice was definitely teasing and I knew she was smiling. "Would you _like_ a _book_?"

I don't why I couldn't just say what I wanted to say. I was the oldest virgin known to man, and I still couldn't broach the subject, even though I desperately wanted to. I didn't want to push her, but a part of me wanted her to know there still had never been anyone, and maybe another small part of me was bitter and jealous by what I'd read in her journal. I didn't want to wait anymore. Maybe it was our lack of intimacy that was causing the distance.

"A _book_ would be nice," I said, still leaning my head out of the window.

She started laughing again. "Okay, let's go look for a _book._ "

There was a slight frost on the ground when we left the cabin. We traveled through the woods alongside the lake, and as the morning light came fully over the mountain, it wasn't long before our pants were soaked up to our knees, and our shoes were making that horrible squishing sound, ruining any chance of being quiet enough to hunt. After about an hour, we gave up on the hunt, and instead concentrated on exploring the run-down cabins. We checked them out, looking for creature comforts we didn't necessarily need but welcomed all the same. By the third cabin, much to Bella's extreme joy, we did find a few copies of old books. They were scattered with mouse droppings and weren't exactly what you would call classics, but Bella assured me even a Harlequin would make her happy.

But still no blanket.

We spent the afternoon, laughing and running, chasing each other through the trees, trying to see who was the faster runner. We were free. We'd race to the next cabin, with promises that the victor would get the spoils. Of course I was quicker, but I soon discovered Bella liked to cheat, and she was getting slightly annoyed there was still something I was better at than her.

"I'm still faster," I said teasing and winked at her.

"Oh, really?" she said rolling her eyes. "We'll see."

I couldn't help but laugh at her. "Where's this competitive streak coming from?"

"I've always had it, I was just never in the same division as you. You could let me win, you know."

"To use your words, 'fat chance,' besides … how would that make you feel?"

"Pretty good, actually."

"And then you'd complain that I let you win, that I was being easy on you. You know you would," I said, crossing my arms and leaning up against the door jam.

"Don't be smug, Edward Cullen, it doesn't suit you." She folded her arms in a huff. "It doesn't matter, really, because whatever you find is mine. You'll just give it to me anyway."

"Oh, you think so, huh?" I asked.

"Of course."

"I don't know. I think I might hold on to this old copy of a—oh, what is this?" I reached around to the back of my pants, pulling out a weather-beaten, yellow-worn book, and raising it close to my eyes and then extended my arms away from me as if I was having trouble reading the cover. "What is this? Does that say … Austen? I don't know, I can't really tell."

She was in front of me in a flash, trying to grab the book from me. "Give it."

"Tsk-tsk. You mustn't rip it. It's mine, fair and square." I held it up over my head, out of her reach.

"Stop being a child." She sighed. "Can I see it?" There was a gleam in her eye that I was enjoying way too much.

"What will you trade me for it?" I asked, smiling back at her.

"If I wanted to, I could just take it from you. You do realize that, right?" She put her hands on her hips, pouting ever so slightly, and it was making her even more irresistible.

"Where would be the fun in that?" I leaned toward her enjoying our repartee.

"Fine. What could I possibly have you would accept as trade?"

"Well, that's easy." I took a deep breath, wondering if I was making a huge mistake by asking this, but I was beyond that now, and went for it. "A kiss. That's all I ask," I whispered, still smiling.

She looked down at my lips, and smiled widely in return. "Oh, is that all?" she said, moving toward me reaching for my shirt with confidence, grasping it in her fists. "But you didn't say where." She chuckled, leaning toward my shoulder and placed a swift, chaste kiss upon it before stepping back, grinning.

My expression must have dropped as I stood there open-mouthed in shock. My plan had backfired and she knew she had gotten the better of me. Reluctantly, I lowered the book and placed it in her hands.

"You cheat, Isabella Swan," I said shaking my head.

"You may be quicker, but I'm smarter." She winked. "Admit it."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at her and pushed away from the door frame, leering down at her. Not sure what had come over me, but the next thing I knew I had my hands on her cheeks gripping her tightly with my mouth pressed firmly to hers. She resisted at first, trying to pull away, but I wouldn't let her, until eventually her grasp became aggressive and desperate as she dug her hands into my back pulling me closer.

I had craved this for days and it seemed she had, too. Her hands moved, gripping tightly to my hair as I lifted her off the ground. It was as if something burned between us, just like it had that first day back in the cabin. It had returned and it still scared me.

I placed her back on the ground, and drew back, shaken a little. She was standing with her eyes closed, swaying slightly with a marvelous and sultry look on her face which caused me to smile and regain my composure.

I cleared my throat and her eyes quickly opened. "Transaction complete. Miss Austen is yours," I said walking away. "Smarter." I chuckled and walked out the front door. I waited for her on the porch admiring the mountains. It looked as though a storm front was moving in. The peaks were covered in cloud. She wasn't moving inside, she wasn't even breathing and I wondered if I had gone too far. I wanted her to come to me, I didn't want to push her into something she wasn't ready for.

"I'm sorry," I said under my breath.

"Why are you apologizing?" she asked when she finally came through the front door.

"I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have grabbed you like that, I'm sorry."

"Edward, if I didn't want you to, I could have easily stopped you," she admitted and placed her hand on my arm giving it a gentle squeeze. "It's not that I don't want you, because I do, it's just, no one other than Garrett has touched me for a very long time and it's a little … unsettling." She was looking at me earnestly, and I knew my expression mirrored hers, for I knew all too well what it meant to have someone touch me in such an intimate way, and how foreign it felt.

"So, you're not angry?"

"No," she laughed, "but that doesn't mean I'm still not annoyed!"

"Fine. I'll let you win next time." I pulled her into my arms and kissed the top of her head.

"I'll win on my own terms, thank you."

"Looks like there's a storm coming in, we should get moving."

Before I had even finished my sentence, she was gone from my arms running through the trees. She yelled back at me, "We still have to find that blanket!"

I counted to ten, giving her a head start and then took off after her, laughing and yelling, letting her know I was coming for her.

She was a few feet in front of me when I saw the roof of the next cabin ahead. "Should I let you win?" I asked.

"No."

I leapt for her, wanting to tackle her to the ground, but just as I did, she counteracted my move. I wasn't even sure what she did, but I bounced right off of her and tumbled to the ground, rolling and slammed into a tree. The tree cracked, and came toppling down to the forest floor.

"Timber!" she yelled. "Didn't know I could do that? Did you?"

"What exactly _did_ you do?"

"That's that ever popular shield I was telling you about. Told you, you couldn't touch me if I didn't want you to."

I stood up brushing off my clothes, shaking my head only to see her standing on the steps of the next cabin.

"I win."

"You cheated … again," I grumbled.

"Only a little."

I growled as I raced toward her causing her to squeal and run into the cabin. I was right behind her and slammed into the back of her not noticing she had stopped short just inside the door.

"Someone's been here," she said in a precarious tone.

The cabin was not like the others. All the windows were intact, complete with curtains that looked fresh, not too dirty. There was nothing in disarray, everything was in its place and the dust layer was minimal. The kitchen was clean, with the pots and pans hanging right above the stove as if they would be used for tonight's dinner. The cupboards were even stocked with a few cans of food and other necessities.

"Someone lives here, or did live here," she said as she walked to the wall where a gallery of pictures was hung. The pictures ranged from all the way back to 1940 to what looked like a few years before the bombs. The pictures held the same couple throughout the years with various people and children scattered among them.

"Oh, God, that smell. Edward, I know that smell." She had her hand covering her mouth as she looked at me in panic.

"Yes," I whispered, "I do too." I placed my hand on the small of her back, guiding her toward the door. "Go outside, I'll check it out."

She didn't argue with me, but looked at me gratefully and went outside. The smell of decomposing flesh was not something one forgets, especially when you've been surrounded by it for so long. There was a dead body in here, one that hadn't been dead for long. I followed the smell and it led me to what I assumed to be the bedroom. Slowly, I opened the door holding my breath, knowing what I would find on the other side.

A man was lying on his back, fully clothed, his arms folded over his chest, clutching something tightly in his arms. He looked to be in his seventies or possibly later, it was too hard to tell. It was like he had just laid down to rest, and didn't get back up. I moved a little closer wondering what it was that he was gripping so tightly. It looked to be a woman's nightgown.

"Edward!" I heard Bella yell from outside.

I grabbed a blanket that was on the end of the bed and hastily threw it over the body and rushed out the door following the trail of her scent.

"Look …" she said softly, pointing to a somewhat fresh grave with a small, hand carved cross nestled into the dirt with words burnt into the wood. It read:

_My darling, Jeanette,_

_I will see you soon. Wait for me._

"There's a man inside," I said, barely above a whisper. She buried her head into my chest, while I wrapped my arms around her, trying to comfort her as best I could, but I felt the terrible loss along with her. I had no idea how this couple had survived out here all this time, so isolated from everything and everyone, but they had, just the two of them. We didn't know their story, but I could only guess as to what kind of life they had led these past few years. They couldn't have survived the bombs here, so they must have come to the cabin after everything had settled down, wanting to live their lives on their own terms.

Noticing a shack off to the side of the cabin, where I assumed a shovel would be inside, I pulled Bella toward the stairs of the cabin and asked her to sit.

"Will you be okay?" I asked and she nodded in return.

The ground wasn't frozen yet, so it didn't take me long to dig a new grave beside the other one. When I looked up to the cabin, Bella was gone, she wasn't sitting where I had left her. I quickly scanned the trees looking for her and listening when she finally came out of the woods to my left. She was carrying two pieces of wood and had fashioned them into a similar cross to the one already in the ground.

"Do we know his name?" she asked.

"I'll find out," I said putting the shovel in the dirt pile, and walked back to the cabin.

I wrapped the body in the blanket—it figured this would be my blanket. I opened the windows to air out the cabin while I looked around for any clue that would give me the man's name. I glanced at the wall of photographs and lifted a frame with the picture of what looked like it was taken on the couple's golden anniversary. The cake in front of them read, 'Happy 50th Jeanette and John.' They were surrounded by dozens of children and other adults and the picture was taken right in front of the cabin window. I took the photo out of the frame, placing it inside my shirt before walking back to the bedroom to carry "John" out to his wife.

Carefully placing him in his grave, I took out the photo of the couple's family and placed it on top of his body so he could be surrounded by his loved ones, even in death.

"John," I said, "his name is John," while I started filling in the grave. Both of our tasks were performed in silence: me filling the grave with the dirt, and her delicately carving his name into the cross. We both finished at the same time and I reached for her hand after she placed the cross firmly in the ground.

_Rest in Peace, John._

_You are together again._

The words she had carved were simple and heartfelt and perfect. My throat constricted, neither of us wanting to speak or even needing to speak. We stood for some time, just staring, until the snow started to fall. They were tiny, white flakes, floating on the breeze, and the sounds of the forest were as silent as the two of us.

Bella shivered and dropped my hand.

"I have to—I can't do this," she said turning from me and ran down to the lake. She was standing by the edge, flakes of snow nestled on her head and shoulders while her arms were wrapped tightly around her, and if I didn't know any better, I would have thought she was crying.

"Bella," I said, my voice cracking. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing, Edward! I can't take it!" she yelled, clearly frustrated.

"Sor-" I stopped short. "Talk to me," I settled on instead.

"I don't want to care. Nothing good comes from it."

I stood beside her for a moment trying to think of what I could say that would make sense enough for her to see how wrong she was. I knew her words were based on fear. She was so afraid to hope for a life even remotely better than what she had been living for the past ten years. The ever optimist had become the cynic. Our roles had reversed.

"I know you're afraid and you have every right to be, Bella, but to say that nothing good comes from caring or loving is so incredibly wrong, but you know that. If you're thinking of that couple up there, you're blinded from what I saw. I saw a man who no longer wished to live a life without his wife. They lived a good life. I can tell that much by looking around the home they built. It's in their pictures, in their faces and the people they were surrounded by during their lifetime. It was even in the nightgown he clung to at the end. They loved, and loved each other very deeply. What could be better than that? What could possibly not be good about that?"

"Don't you see? In the end—after all that—he was still alone. He died alone, Edward!"

I let out a deep sigh. "Perhaps, if you look at it that way. But I don't see it like that. I sympathize with him. If only it'd been as simple for me as it was for him."

"What do you mean? Does this have to do with what Jasper was trying to tell me?"

I nodded, sitting down on the little bench that sat beside the shore. I pulled her to me and nestled her into my side.

"When you died, or so I thought, I wanted to die, too. I thought I had. I didn't want to live in world without you, and especially not the one we were facing. I was ready."

"What changed your mind?"

"Nothing changed my mind, it was set. But there were … circumstances." I paused, gathering my thoughts as to how to explain the 'circumstances.' "Ten years, a long time, I know, but that's how long it took to prove myself." She looked at me confused, so I started from the beginning, and told her everything. No more secrets. I told her about my thoughts and my theories, and how I wanted to meet her in the afterlife. How I had hoped she was waiting for me. I confessed my sins, and talked of my redemption so I could be judged worthy to be with her again.

The snow had continued to fall and our clothes were soaked through once again. The light was fading over the mountains. She remained completely silent, never once interrupting what I had to say, only listening intently as I told my story and the family's and spared her nothing, just as she had done for me. It was well into the evening when I had finished. The moon was covered by the snow clouds, so it was fairly dark even for our vampire sight, but I chanced a glance at her face and was torn by her emotionless expression and suddenly became very anxious.

"I know it doesn't compare to what you went through. I didn't want to tell you." We sat for a few breaths, listening to the wind through the trees and watching the waves on the lake. I let my words soak in, allowing her to process what I had just confessed.

"You were always with me, Bella, even through my darkest days, you were there. I was alone, but I wasn't," I explained anxiously. "I've always loved you and only you."

She lifted herself from my side and placed a leg over my lap, straddling me. Her face was still a mask, void of any emotion, but her eyes told me a different story. They had gone black, and I knew all too well what that meant. Gently, she held my face in her hands and leaned forward placing a soft and tender kiss upon my lips. Her forehead rested against mine, and she sighed deeply.

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" she asked.

"I didn't think it mattered."

"Of course it would, you arrogant jerk." She laughed at me pushing her hips down ever so slightly. My stomach tightened impulsively, while I tried to concentrate on anything other than where her hips were resting.

"I didn't want you to think I was pathetic."

"You could never be pathetic."

"Some would argue that statement." I smiled. "I wanted you to come to me because you loved me, not because you pitied me."

"Edward Cullen …" she whispered, her forehead still resting on mine. "I told you …it's always been you," she breathed out before she put her lips to mine again. This time, it was with more fervor and I made sure to kiss her back. Her hair was covered in snowflakes and she looked like the angel I always thought she was.

She moaned softly, finally giving me the signal I had been waiting for this past week. With one swift movement I had her on the bench, pinned beneath me and I was hovering above her. She gripped my jacket, pulling me toward her as she started to undo the buttons on my shirt. This wasn't exactly the place I'd imagined this would happen, but underneath the stars, surrounded by a tender death and not a violent one for once, it all seemed to fit perfectly.

"We don't need a blanket," she said with laughter in her voice.

Her hands moved to my chest, and all I could do was hold my breath. I'd waited what seemed like a lifetime for these hands to touch me. I'd prayed for the strength to be able to feel them again and this was nothing like I'd imagined. I wanted her hands to never leave me, I wanted to be consumed by them, by her.

_The phoenix hope can wing her way through the desert skies_ _…_

I stopped moving, not sure if what I heard was real. It had been almost a week since I had heard another voice in my head. I thought I'd imagined it. Although it was feminine, it was filled with malice and contempt and I knew it wasn't Bella.

She sensed my hesitation. "What?" she whispered.

I waited to see if I heard anything else, but there were no other voices in my head. I must have imagined it.

"Edward, what is it?"

"Nothing, it's just, I heard something. I must have imagined it."

She was alert now, listening to the wind in the trees. She gave me a curious look. "What did you hear?"

"A voice. A woman's voice."

She sat up, peering into the darkness. "What did she say?"

I shook my head confused by what I thought I'd heard. "I don't know. It was odd. Something about a phoenix winging through desert skies, or something."

Bella immediately crouched, growling while she placed me behind her turning to look to the trees.

"It was only a matter of time," she said. "It's a scout, just like I thought. It's part of a stupid quote. Something Maria used to say when she tested me against the newborns."

Bella had changed from the sad, timid and defeated girl, to this warrior woman ready for battle. It was rather impressive, even if I did feel a little affronted she felt the need to protect me. My body was just as alert as hers and scanned the woods for any thoughts that may still be in the vicinity.

"Did you hear anyone else?" she asked, not looking at me, but continuing to scan the trees.

"No, just the one voice."

"She'll have left once she saw me. Gone back to report to Maria. We have to go. You have to go back to Forks." She stood up straight, walking toward the cabin.

"Hold up," I yelled after, grabbing her arm. "You're not going without me, but you're right, we have to warn the family. They have to know what's happened."

"That's why we have to split up."

"Never again."

"Someone has to go after the scout, which—"

"Which is a waste of time, because we'll never catch her," I cut her off. "She's long gone, and the snow is covering her tracks. We're going to Forks."

"But all that'll do is lead Maria to Forks."

"It'll buy us some time. She's not going to be mobile anytime soon. We can regroup and cut her off as she makes her way North. We can't do that alone. We need the family and whoever else they managed to find to help. We're wasting time arguing about this. We go together or not at all," I said.

She contemplated my words, biting her lip like she was chewing on the decision, until finally she looked at my outstretched hand.

"Are you ready to face them? It's now or never, Bella."

She took hold firmly, and I for a brief moment I thought I might never let go of her hand, like we were infused as one. We ran through the darkness while I said silent promises to the two souls we'd just reunited, hoping we'd return one day to visit them.


	28. There's No Place Like Home

**CHAPTER 27**

**-:- There's No Place Like Home -:-**

* * *

**2016 -:- Present Day**

_Love is a drug._

I'd heard that expression many times over the years, but never having experienced drugs or love, I didn't truly understand what it meant. I'd seen junkies and drug addicts; I'd heard their racing heartbeats as they took their next hit, so I understood that part of it. But love … that was the other part of the equation. I'd never been in love while I was a human. I never had the sweaty palms, or felt the rush of blood to my ears, or had the feeling like my heart was going to explode out of my chest. My body had never known those things, so how could I know what love really felt like? The only thing I did know was that my body remembered being around Bella. It felt the pull of her. It felt her every move, like magnets, and whenever she started to get further away from me while we ran toward Forks, my body would sense it. I'd panic and seek her out, needing to be closer and to get my fix. Like a junkie, I couldn't be without her … not ever again or it would surely kill me.

We were waiting at the end of the road that led to the house. Bella refused to go any further until she knew for certain who was at the house. The only way to do that was for me to move closer so I was in range to check, which would have left her alone for a few short minutes, and I wasn't' about to take that risk. I couldn't let her out of my sight. Despite what had happened back at the cabin the day before, I didn't trust her enough to stay. And it was because of what happened at the cabin I knew she'd go after Maria on her own. She hadn't changed that much in the last ten years. She would sacrifice herself if it meant saving the rest of us. She'd been this other person, so hard and uncaring, for so long, but it wasn't who she really was. Even though she hadn't said the words, I was starting to believe she loved me. What burned between us was alive, and she knew it and I think it frightened her even more than it did me.

"Bella, there's no one there. It's late, no one from the compound stays after dark. And if they are there, they won't even hear us coming. We'll take it slow. I'll know who's there before we're anywhere near the house."

"You don't know that. What if Charlie's there? It's too risky," she said.

"We can go unnoticed to the human eye," I said, rolling my eyes at her stubbornness. "I'm not leaving you here. I know what's running through your head, and it's not Charlie. You can't turn back now. We're here." I kissed the back of her hands, lingering a little longer than was necessary, rubbing my thumbs over her skin. "Please." I wanted to calm her skittishness, knowing it was just her fear of seeing the family again that was causing her second thoughts.

_Edward, is it really her? Can I come down the lane?_

I should have known Alice would be the first. "Alice is up the way, she wants to know if she can come down," I said quietly. Bella squeezed my hands back, harder than I'd anticipated and I winced a little at her grip. "Are you ready?"

"No. I didn't think it was possible to still get butterflies in my stomach as a vampire. With you, back in Montana, it was different. I didn't think any of it was real so I accepted it. But now that you're here beside me, they're still running rampant. I don't know what to say to her, to any of them for that matter." She looked up at me with a curious expression, expecting me to give her some insight.

"I can tell you that as nervous as you are, the family is definitely much worse."

"What if I'm not what they're expecting. What if they won't like me?"

"Bella," I cut her off, "it was over ten years ago when you said the same thing about my family the first time I brought you to this house. They loved you then, they'll love you now. You're a part of this family whether you choose to believe it or not. They've always thought of you that way."

"Okay," she said taking a deep breath. "Just tell them to go easy on me … you know, with the touching and hugging and stuff."

"I'll try, but you know how they are."

"Is it just Alice?"

"Yes, for now, the others won't be far behind her, I'm sure." She nodded her head, and I yelled out to the darkness, knowing Alice would hear me through the trees.

I thought for sure she would have been at our sides within seconds, running at lightning speed, but instead, it was minutes before she appeared at the bend in the lane. She had walked at a human's pace, and I was grateful she had chosen to take it slow. Alice was terrified. She was afraid Bella was angry with her and would never forgive her for leaving. Just another reminder of what my actions had done to everyone I loved.

 _Oh my God, Edward, it's her—it's really her,_ Alice said. She had stopped as soon as she laid eyes on Bella and was standing still, almost glowing in the moonlight. She was quiet for once, but I felt as though I could see her heart swelling in her chest.

Neither of them knew what to do, both waiting for the other to make the first move, so I took the initiative and pulled Bella along with me, walking toward Alice.

"Alice, Bella's not really comfortable with all of this. She doesn't really want to be—"

I tried to finish my sentence, but was cut short by the two of them rushing toward the other, colliding mid way. The sound of their bodies hitting echoed like thunder through the night air. They tumbled to the ground in a tangle of limbs, laughing and shrieking in pitches that no vampire ear should have to hear.

"You're not breakable!" Alice exclaimed, while Bella continued to laugh.

"I'll leave you two and go speak with the others," I said, but I wasn't even sure they heard me. It was hard for me to leave, but they were still hugging and laughing while they rolled on the ground. They needed this. Alice's head was now filled with a million questions, and explanations and apologies; it was a good thing Bella no longer needed to sleep.

Esme and Carlisle were standing on the doorstep, their arms around each other while they waited for me. Their thoughts were filled with questions as well, and excitement hoping to see Bella, but mostly they were just happy for me. Esme was so filled with joy that her family was now complete, I thought she might burst. She waited until I was a few feet from her before launching herself at me and hugging me tightly.

 _I'm sorry,_ she said over and over in her head, and I had to lift her away to look her in the eyes.

"What are you apologizing for?" I laughed.

"You knew," she said almost as if she was sniffling. "I kept pushing you, and pushing you, but you knew. You didn't want to let her go."

"Esme," I said hushing her, "it doesn't matter. None of it matters now. You were only doing what a mother would do." I looked to Carlisle for some help, and he smiled warmly at me, pulling the two of us into his arms.

"Son," he said, "it truly is a miracle in every sense."

"It is," I whispered, "more than I deserve."

"Still going on with that crap, Edward?" Emmett's voice bellowed from the hallway. "I thought all the self-loathing would _finally_ be over." He was standing behind us and punched me lightly on the arm. "All right, where is she?" he asked.

"She's with Alice."

"Oh, man! That's going to take forever. You're braver than I thought, leaving her alone with Alice. You'll never see her again."

I noticed Rosalie standing behind Emmett, trying to catch a peek over his shoulder. She was nervous, wondering what Bella was like, and was hoping Bella had forgiven her for her past indiscretions.

"She has," I said to Rosalie.

"Stop reading my mind, Edward! It was nice these past few days not having to filter everything from you!" She huffed.

Of course it was Carlisle who would see the practicality of our sudden return and he asked the question before I needed to explain.

"Not that we aren't excited to have you back so soon, but from what Jasper told us, we didn't expect you for a few weeks at least. What's happened?" he asked, looking at the seriousness in my expression.

"Jasper's told you everything?" I raised my eyebrows in question.

"Everything, and what he didn't know, Garrett filled in the rest."

"Maria sent a scout. It won't be long before she knows where Bella is, or was."

 _So you lead them here?_ Rosalie said in her head. _Great, Edward. Perfect._

"They were bound to find their way here eventually. We figure our best option is cut them off before they make it up here. We go, meet them, lead them away from here." Emmett nodded in the background with a gleam in his eye. His mind filled with the possibilities of a battle. "Where's Jasper?" I asked, but more importantly, I wanted to know where Garrett was, because where Jasper was, Garrett was sure to be with him.

"They should be back soon. They went to the compound. There's been a development with the wolves …" Carlisle said, looking at me. His thoughts turned to an angry Jacob Black.

"We're not talking about this tonight!" Esme said in a rush. "I won't have it. Tomorrow is another day, but tonight is a joyous occasion, and we only have this one night before everything gets serious again. Carlisle?" She was glaring at him, waiting for him to back her up.

"You're absolutely right. We'll save this talk for tomorrow." He kissed her forehead.

"You're right, I'm sorry, Esme." It was great to be _home_ again. "Wait. You let Garrett go to the compound?" I asked anxiously. "But he's …"

"Relax, bro, we know. The girls went with them for any 'accidentals.' Don't worry, Jasper said he trusted him."

"Right, you let Jasper make that decision. The one with the least amount of control out of all of us, and the one who's never seen the compound. Why didn't Alice go with them?"

"You know Alice," Esme said smiling. "She refused to go, said she was needed here. Well, and I guess we know why now."

My eyes turned back to Carlisle hoping to get some more information out of him as to what was happening at the compound, but he only apologized silently, telling me Esme was right. Now was not the time to discuss all of that.

"Is there anything we should know, Edward? About Bella? Jasper told us enough, but—" Carlisle said.

"She's remarkable."

"Well, no doubt!" Emmett laughed.

"It's going to take some time though. She's wasn't open to the idea of seeing everyone. She didn't want to come, and I have a feeling she'll leave abruptly if given the opportunity."

"Oh, Edward," Esme said reaching up to my cheek. "You tell us what we need to do. Every one of us," she turned to look at Rosalie, "will make sure to do what we can."

"Truth is, I don't know. It's going to be overwhelming for her. We thought she was tough before, well …"

"Got it. So, arm wrestling is a go," Emmett said with a serious look on his face before cracking a huge grin. "Edward, lighten up! She can't be that different." He slapped me on the shoulder.

"Well, for one thing, I think she could best you, Emmett."

"Yeah, right! Like that could happen."

"All right, let's not hover on the doorstep. No point making her more anxious than she probably is. Come inside, everyone." Esme ushered us through the door telling us to sit in the living room.

 _So, did you do the deed?_ Emmett asked with a ridiculously smug grin on his face.

I was disgusted by his curiosity and said as much.

"Clearly you didn't, because you're still as uptight as ever."

"Emmett, that's enough," Esme scolded him, offering me a warm smile. _All in good time_ , she said in her head.

"Please, don't. Everyone just stop. None of that is your business. I'd appreciate it if no one made any jokes about it either. Things are … different."

 _I'm sorry, Edward,_ Carlisle said silently. _Jasper said things are going to take some time between the two of you. The important thing is you have that time now._

"Maybe not enough time."

"I thought I said we weren't going to be talking about any of that tonight? No more secret conversations between the two of you." Esme glared at Carlisle and me, sending us warning signals that she wasn't kidding.

We spent the next few hours making idle chitchat, and waiting. They filled me in on what's been happening at the compound, just silly things that had no bearing on our future. They also told me something of great interest involving Kate and her attraction to a certain new vampire. Garrett had yet to show any interest back, but it lifted my spirits immensely all the same.

I was starting to get restless. I spent the last week never leaving Bella's side for more than a few minutes, and now it'd been a few hours since I had left her with Alice.

"Told you, bro. It's going to be hours, days even. Not smart. Maybe I should go check on them." Emmett stood up, and started pacing just as restless as I was. We all were. Esme was ready to bust through the door and chase them down.

"Sit down," she said, in direct contrast to her own thoughts. "You leave them be. They have things to sort out."

"Come on! What could they still be talking about?" Emmett threw his hands up in the air and mumbled, "Women."

"Maybe someone should check on them. I could go," Rosalie offered.

We all turned to her with quizzical looks on our faces.

"What?" She scoffed, rolling her eyes. "It was over ten years ago. Get over it."

 _We're coming in_ , Alice's voice echoed in my head. I rushed to the door wanting to beat everyone at the chance. Thankfully, no one followed me. I opened the door, and Alice came rushing at me, wrapping her arms around me. She was still very emotional, humbled by Bella's forgiveness, and the two of them had evidently worked things out. If only it would be that easy for me, but I didn't deserve easy, I supposed.

 _We'll talk later,_ Alice thought, _but for now, I'm just so happy._

Bella was watching the two of us, and for the millionth time, I wished I could read her mind. I couldn't even read her expression, and I suppose it was because of her nerves.

"Is Garrett here?" she asked, shyly.

"Not yet, soon though." It was hard not to be disappointed by her dependency on Garrett, but I covered my feelings as best I could. I extended my arm to her, knowing she needed some comforting courage. She wrapped herself next to my side, and Alice did the same. We all took a deep breath out of habit, while I led them toward the rest of the family.

"Where is she?" Emmett's voice came loud and clear. We rounded the corner, and he jumped out of his chair picking Bella up and swinging her around.

"I told them," I tried to explain to Bella, "about the touching, but—"

"Emmett! Put her down, you heard what Edward said," Esme said.

"Yeah, but she didn't mean me!"

"Emmett!"

"It's okay, really." Bella started to laugh as Emmett set her down. "I just forgot. You're all the hugging type. It's okay. I'm okay."

"Really?" Esme asked a little timidly, and Bella nodded. "Good." Esme had Bella in her arms in seconds and was laughing and patting her back just like a mother and her long-lost child would be. "You are an angel. Edward always said so, but now I know it's true." She pulled back and held Bella's cheeks in her hands examining her with her eyes filled with love. "You're my miracle child," she said, hugging her fiercely again.

Carlisle was next. He whispered his praises to God that his prayers had been answered. Holding Bella in his arms, he said, "I'm going to miss stitching you up, Bella. No more trips to my office." He was thinking about the last conversation he had with Bella the night of her birthday. He truly was going to miss their talks and he briefly wondered if she remembered the details of their last conversation.

"I definitely don't miss the stitches part or the broken bones, but I'm sure I can find another reason to come see you." She had a warm, but sad smile on her face while she hugged him back. Her expression faltered a little when she finally looked around the room. Pulling away from Carlisle she said with amazement in her voice, "It looks the same! Everything in here is almost as I remember it. How did you—How?" She turned in a circle taking everything in.

"Come on, Bella. It's us!" Emmett said. "Did you really think we'd be living in a shack with dirt floors?"

I couldn't help but cringe at the wrong choice of his words, and everyone else's thoughts mirrored my own. I glanced to her face, but Bella was smiling, still looking at the room. She began to laugh, until she couldn't contain it any longer, and let it all out, doubling over at the waist. It was as if a spring had sprung, and all the stress and tension and misery and pain just let itself go. Her laughter changed to borderline hysterics, and everyone's thoughts turned to concern.

_Geez, I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't mean it._

"Bella," I said, placing a hand on her back.

"I'm fine." She shrugged my hand off of her. "I'm fine," she said again, but still laughing uncontrollably. Esme stood beside me, looking at me concerned, but all I could do was shake my head, unknowingly.

"Bella," Alice whispered touching her shoulder.

"I'm fine!" she screamed and dropped to her knees with her head in her hands.

 _We'll let you have some privacy,_ Carlisle said, silently.

Alice stayed behind, and surprisingly, so did Rosalie.

It pained me to see Bella like this, knowing I couldn't help her. I couldn't give her the comfort she needed, couldn't protect her from this. It was something I wasn't able to fix and maybe this part of her would never heal. I frantically looked to my sisters, silently pleading for help.

 _Edward, can I talk to her?_ Rosalie asked. _Please, I can help._

I looked down at Bella, who was huddled on the floor like she was unaware we were even in the same room as her. My heart was breaking for her, and I didn't know how to proceed, so I let Rosalie take the lead, indebted to her for her help.

"Bella," she said gently, but with sureness in her voice. "Forget Emmett. He's still as crass as ever, ten years hasn't changed that."

Bella had stopped laughing, but her head was still in her hands. "I'm sorry," she said. "I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry." She looked up at me, and my expression must have shown my worry. "Oh, God," she said, "I'm so sorry."

I dropped to my knees, wrapping her in my arms, hushing her and letting her know it was okay. This was something I could do. I was still uneasy when it came to touching her, but sitting on the floor curled up, she looked so fragile. She let me wrap my arms around her and hold her and I was grateful for that.

"It's just … for the past ten years," she said, "I always imagined the house and it was exactly like this. The walls, the pictures, the white couches, all of it. I'd picture the family sitting around the living room just like you were. And I'm here now, and for a moment I thought nothing had changed." She looked into my eyes, and her own were filled with so much grief. "But everything's changed," she whispered, her voice strained. "I've done all those things. I killed all those people, and I can't take it back. I don't deserve to be here. Things were done—"

"We've all done things," Rosalie said, stopping her from going any further. "Things we're not proud of. Sometimes you're not given a choice, and sometimes vengeance is the only way back from it." Rosalie was thinking about a time long ago when Carlisle found her while she was still human. Her body beaten and broken, violated and left for dead. She was thinking of the punishment she delivered to the men who had done it to her. "It changes you, but sometimes that change is needed to remind you you're stronger than you thought you were. I never wanted this life, mine was taken from me just as yours was. But Bella, no one in this family will ever judge you for what you've done, or even what you may do in the future. That's what being a Cullen is about. We forgive our sins. We love unconditionally. So no matter what has happened, what you've done, you'll always have a place in this family."

Bella looked up at Rosalie suspiciously; in fact both Alice and I did as well.

"B-but you—you hated me," Bella said the obvious.

"I never hated you," Rosalie shrugged, "I just didn't get it. And it was too late when I finally did. Another time, I'll share my own sins with you. We all have them. In this life it's inevitable, especially when you have eternity. You just had the misfortune of having it condensed into ten years." She smiled at Bella and reached out for her hand. "More than anyone, you deserve to be here, sister."

.

IT WAS MIDDAY WHEN I knocked on Carlisle's office door. I was hoping to talk some things through with him. I wasn't sure if I was seeking advice, or if I just needed to talk with someone about how I was feeling. It had only been a week since Jasper had walked into the living room and turned my life upside down, and I just wanted to seek out some familiarity.

 _How are you holding up?_ Carlisle looked up from his desk.

"Honestly? I don't know. I'm elated and terrified all at once."

"That's what love is all about," he said laughing. "Where is she now?" Carlisle and I hadn't had a chance to discuss anything since our return last night, but I had managed to share my concerns about Bella's plan to run off. I even went so far as to mention someone should always be with her.

"She's with Garrett, Jasper and Alice. They went hunting." It had been difficult to part with Bella, but Garrett was constantly hovering, and the two of them were enjoying their freedom. I figured it would be a good time to seek out Carlisle and find out what was happening. The evening had been just as Esme had wanted it to be. Garrett, and the rest of the family, had returned shortly after Bella's upset, and she seemed to relax with him around. The night was filled with laughter and more importantly, love. With fourteen people it was hard to get a word in, everyone was fascinated with Bella and everyone wanted to bend her ear. We hadn't been given a moment's rest since we arrived, there wasn't a minute that went by without someone always with us. Alice refused to leave Bella's side, and Bella refused to leave Garrett's side, and a foursome like that was an open invitation to all. It was just the first day and the excitement was still high, but I wondered what this would mean for us. We had to come back to the family, but it was too soon, we still needed time, and I didn't think we were going to get much living in a house with twelve other vampires.

"How is she holding up?" he asked more seriously.

I wasn't really sure how to answer that. "I don't know. It's overwhelming, for sure. There's so many of us. Garrett said he's never known her to break down like she did. She seems okay now, especially with him here, but I don't really know what I'm facing. I don't know how to help her."

"Her reaction last night is understandable. Her whole life has been turned upside down, considerably more so than yours. It must be overwhelming to say the least. I imagine she's had to keep up a certain persona in the last decade. Something like a protective shell, and then Jasper came along and put a major crack in it, and with you and us, I'm sure it feels like it's crumbling down all around her.

"She's the best of us," he added. "From what Garrett shared, sounds as though she had no trouble controlling her thirst as a newborn. I find that fascinating, and even more so, that she went against him and her nature and chose her own path." I thought of Carlisle's own change and the starvation he went through. "To have human blood forced upon her and her so opposed to it, must have been traumatic. She wasn't given a choice. She had to kill, that's something none of us ever had to face. She truly is the best of us."

We sat like we had so many countless times before. Minutes passed and I tuned his thoughts out, concentrating on my own. I wondered about what Rosalie had said last night … about vengeance. It had been awhile since these feelings had surfaced, not since Victoria. And now I knew without a shadow of a doubt, I would give Bella the justice she deserved. Killing Victoria did bring me some sort of peace, and Bella would have that, I'd make sure of it. Maria was going to die at my hands, or I'd present Bella the opportunity if that's what she wanted.

"Your redemption has been granted," Carlisle finally said with slight amusement in his voice. My stomach clenched wondering for a moment if he had read my mind. How would he feel about the retribution I was planning on delivering?

"Why don't I feel that way? At least not yet, anyway."

"Time will prove otherwise. God spared her, Edward, which means he spared you, too." In his head he finished his sentence. _He spared all of us._ "But he's not going to make it easy." He clasped his hands together and I was worried by how different he looked. Something had changed with him in the last week, but he was carefully guarding it from me. "You both have a long journey ahead of you," he said. "And it's one you'll take together. You've kept your faith all this time, even when some of us did not. You believed. Now you must have hope. Hope that everything will be all right, that God has plans for each and every one of us."

He was protecting me from something, his mind was blocked to me, which was very rare with Carlisle. He never kept things from me. But I would respect his privacy and not inquire, there were some things maybe I didn't want to know. So instead, I figured it was a good as time as any to let him know what my intentions were.

"Do you think those plans involve vengeance?"

"Is that the answer? Are you hoping I'll condone it, is this what you're asking me?" He placed a finger under his chin, eyeing me speculatively. "For her or for you?"

"Both."

He thought for a moment and then said, "'Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.'" My heart sank. Just once I wanted him to see past his convictions and side with me on this. He sighed deeply, settling back in his chair, and placed his hands together once again. "But in this case, I'm inclined to agree with the other good book: 'an eye for an eye.'" We sat across from each other, staring, locked in each other's resolve. A brief smirk crossed his face as he realized he'd finally given in to me. I'd been expecting an argument, but instead he'd given me his blessing, so to speak. He wanted a reckoning as much as I did. His smile faltered and his expression turned grave. "She's going to turn the world into a darker place than it already is. I can't have that. Call it God's work or what have you, but this is my purpose, just as it is yours." _This is my burden_ , he added as an afterthought.

As much as I was elated to hear his confession, his conviction frightened me. At what cost would we or he do this? "Do you think we can beat Maria?" I asked.

He didn't answer me, not even in his head. He didn't want to give a voice to something we both knew was impossible. The fourteen of us could not defeat Maria's army. We had to think of another way or everyone we cared about would be lost. We'd fail.

Eventually he broke my stare and said, "Well, we'll give her one hell of a fight."

I lifted up Bella's journal, forgetting I'd carried it with me into his office. "Bella said I could share this with you. For strategy purposes. She wrote of her training and how Maria seeks out vampires with special powers. It's grim, Carlisle. We have to stop her. Not one of them can get past us to the compound. She'll kill them all, or turn them, but no one will be spared."

**2008 -:- Bella's Journal**

_I should have been_ _counting the days while I was down here. I vaguely remember watching a television program about survival and how to stop yourself from going mad is to remember what day it is. Not sure how I could have though, there's no sunlight down here to mark the days. Does this mean it's inevitable I'll go mad?_

_I have a hiding place for this journal, and I've instructed Isaac that if something should happen to me, he's to return it to Garrett, or he should destroy it. I wanted to tell him to find you, Alice, and give this to you so you would be warned for what's coming, but why would a psychic need a warning? I wonder if you see me sitting here in the dark scribbling frantically while I write all this in hiding. Or do you see me fighting? I hope not, I'm a hopeless fighter. I've yet to win a match. My only saving grace is what happened on the surface. Maria has instructed all the vampires they are not to inflict any permanent damage on me. Lucky me._

_Still no sign of Garrett. I'm getting worried. If Maria was smart, she'd use him against me, and I find myself wondering why she hasn't yet._

_I'm hungry. The thirst is starting to become unbearable. I refuse to drink human blood and Maria refuses to give me any alternatives. The drive for blood is relentless. It's all I can think about, so this is the reason I write. It's the only distraction I have. I'm not sure how much longer I can hold out. This is where Garrett would tell me not to beat myself up over it, that it's inevitable, but he's not here, and in my head I only see Carlisle, or you._

_I continue to get weaker, the other vampires continue to grow stronger. We've been put through so many tests. We are the "potentials" she says, waiting for our powers to fully manifest. She pits us against one another in a series of tests, sometimes physical, sometimes not. She's testing me to see how far she has to go for me to tap into whatever is inside me again._

_Yesterday, it happened._

_Isaac came to take me to the 'training room' just like he usually did every day. It was different this time, though. He was anxious about something. Before he left me, he grabbed my arm and leaned close to my ear and whispered, "Yuh be in trubble. Jus' du wha' de Missus aks." He met my eyes, as though he was willing me to accept the gravity of what he was telling me and then he was gone._

_I could smell the blood long before I turned the corner. My body was screaming for it. Every nerve was alive. The heartbeats thundered in my ears as I stood outside the cavern. I could hear the blood rushing through their veins, and it felt as though my body was swaying to the sound of it. I stopped myself from breathing it in. It didn't help much, but it was all I could do to stop myself from rushing inside and taking a life. I wanted the blood. I needed it._

_Maria was waiting for me. I had no doubt this spectacle was for me. I turned the corner to find exactly what I'd been dreading. The room was filled with humans huddled along the far wall, dozens of them, filthy and malnourished and whimpering with terror in their eyes._

_Maria took one glance at me, smiled and addressed the other vampire on the opposite side of the cavern._

" _Some of you have pleased me more than I could have imagined. You'll be rewarded handsomely." Her voice echoed along the rock walls. She was standing in the centre of the room, gleaming with pride with what she had planned. "Others", her eyes focused on me, "need a little motivation. I believe today is that day." She raised her hand, and my eyes settled on a vampire who moved toward the humans clumped together in the corner. There were screams and yells as he reached into the centre of them and pulled out something I hadn't been expecting. A child._

_She looked about six or seven, it was hard to tell with all the dirt on her face. Her hair was matted against her head, caked in filth and_ _…_ _blood? The vampire set her down next to Maria and stepped back in line. The shouts and protests continued to rise from the humans, a woman was screaming hysterically, but was quickly silenced by the guards. The only sound was the sniveling of the child. This was a dream, was all that kept racing through my mind. A child in this place was beyond horrifying and it was too hard to accept the reality of it. This was no place for her and I wanted to reach out and run and take her away from this. I opened my mouth to speak, but the scent of her blood rushed through my nose. My need to protect her was overshadowed by my need to feed. I forced myself to look in her face and choked off my airway again._

" _Phoenix, I see from your reaction you're upset by this child," she said with a devilish smile. "Don't tell me you care for her?" The vampires in the room snickered at her insinuation._

" _No, Maria," I lied._

_Up until now, I hadn't witnessed any of the killings. The victor was always taken away for their prize. It didn't mean I wasn't aware it was happening. I heard the cries, I smelled the blood. I just hadn't seen it yet._

" _I see we are going to have to teach you to lie better, too." She sighed. "There's so much to do with you. I'm not sure if it's worth it. Are you worth it?" Her eyes leveled with my own. "I've yet to see anything that would indicate as much. I'm giving you all of these opportunities to learn, and you've given me nothing in return. I think that's rather selfish, wouldn't you say?"_

_I didn't answer her, not sure how I should answer. I wanted to tell her where she could shove her opportunities, but I didn't think my life expectancy would last very long._

" _Wouldn't you say so!" she yelled and shook the child by the neck causing her to cry out._

" _Yes!" I said quickly. "Yes, I'm selfish."_

" _See? Motivation. I knew we'd find it." She turned to her audience and they laughed along with her._

" _Would you like me to spare this child?"_

" _Yes."_

" _That's what I thought. What would you do to save this child?"_

_I remained where I was, knowing full well she would tell me what she expected from me. She reached down to the child's wrist and quickly snapped it like it was a breadstick in her hand. The child screamed out in pain and the humans at the back of the cavern struggled against their captors wanting to save her._

" _Anything! I'll do anything you want."_

" _That's better." I knew what she was doing, she was trying to tap into my emotions to see how far she could go, like that day in the courtyard. She wanted to see what it would take to make it happen again. I wasn't sure if I could do it. I was too weak to gather up that kind of strength again. She must have been thinking the same thing. "You want to save this child, I want you to feed. Think of it as a compromise. Don't you think that's fair?"_

_No, I didn't think that was fair! She wanted me to kill someone to save someone. She was sick and twisted. Victoria was a piece of cake compared to this one._

_Maria snapped her fingers and the woman who had been calling out to the young girl was brought forward. They couldn't have been mother and child, they didn't look anything alike, but she obviously cared for the girl. Maria allowed the woman to pick her up and she soothed her tears, gently holding the girl's broken arm._

" _Please," she said, looking from me to Maria to the child. "She's just a child."_

_Could I take a life to save the child? No. Even as their blood raced just below their skin, I knew I couldn't. My body was screaming out for it, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't take a life. I tried to convince myself it was more humane for the child to die than to suffer down here waiting for the next time Maria offered her up for dinner. The child didn't stand a chance. It would be years before she would be old enough to be turned, if she even would be. It was better she died._

" _I can't," I finally said, knowing I wouldn't be able to do it._

_Maria laughed wickedly. "How did I know you were going to say that? It's comforting I know you so well. So well, in fact, I thought of another motivating factor for you to feed."_

_Garrett was dragged in by four vampires—it had taken four to subdue him. "Don't do it, Nix!"_

" _Garrett!" I shouted, relieved to finally see him, even under these circumstances._

" _Whatever she asks, don't you do it."_

_Maria was grinning at me, while the vampires did her bidding, placing the child and the woman in front of me. "Think of it as a buffet. You can choose all you can eat, or be modest with your meal, but no one leaves the buffet without sampling something."_

" _What would you have me do?" I asked through clenched teeth. I'd stopped breathing again, trying to stop the venom from pooling in my mouth._

" _Simple. Take the woman, or the child, whichever, I don't really care, but you will feed or your precious Garrett dies."_

" _Don't, Nix. Not like this. I know what I said, but not like this."_

_He looked me in the eyes, begging me not give in to her. He was right, she would never stop. She'd continue to use him anytime she wanted me to do something, but what choice did I have? I searched inside of me for that voice, telling me to fight back, but it wasn't there this time. Maybe I was too weak, or maybe my body was too busy battling my brain._

_I needed to feed, I was aching for it._

" _How bad do you want me?" I asked her. "How much am I worth to you?"_

" _Not much, right now."_

" _You saw what I can do. I know you want that. You can kill him, but then you'll_ never _have what I have."_

_She eyed me, like she was appraising me. "You're right, little Phoenix. I'm not finished with you just yet. But my patience is running thin. I've become quite the collector, but you, unfortunately, have given me nothing. I'll need something to keep his head attached to his body. If not," she shrugged, "you'll both be taken to the pits."_

_There was cheer and laughter by the other vampires in the room. I didn't know what these 'pits' were, but from the sound of it, I didn't think Garrett and I wanted to visit them._

_Maria grabbed the woman, dragging her forward. She scratched the woman's neck and the blood began to trickle down its side. It was inches from my face, but I wasn't going to take a breath. It was the rush of the woman's blood through her veins that was unbearable, not the scent of it. The room had erupted in more screams and cries, but nothing outweighed the beating of her heart. My hands were shaking, but I held back._

" _Drink," she said, grinning at me, waiting for me to give in to the pull of the blood, but I didn't. I couldn't._

" _You're stronger than I thought," Maria snarled. "If it's not blood you want, what is it, then? Perhaps it's the child that I can tempt you with."_

_She let go of the woman who was pleading with me to save them. She was crying out to each one of the vampires to help her, but the blood was flowing faster while her adrenalin kicked in, and it wasn't helping her cause. Everyone was devastatingly hungry._

_Maria cradled the child in her arms, stroking her head, giving her soothing words of comfort. She looked up at me with that malicious grin of hers, then sunk her teeth into the child's wrist. She tasted her blood, just briefly, and then stopped. My heart sank._

_Every vampire in the room gasped, and Garrett struggled against the guards who still held him. "It's forbidden, Maria! You can't do that!"_

_She laughed. "It's not me, it's your lover, Garrett. She's done this. I'll end the child's life when she drinks. If she chooses not to, this one," she held out the child who had now started to scream from the burning in her veins, "will continue on her way. What will it be?"_

" _Nix, you have to. It's not right. There're no children for a reason. You have to do it. It'll be okay. It's not your burden to bear. You don't have a choice."_

_The blood from the woman and the child were overwhelming to my senses. It truly was unbearable._

" _It ends here," I spat out, in between the screams from the child. "If I do this, there'll be no more. I'll cooperate."_

" _It ends here," Maria repeated._

_It had to be done, to save the girl. I was saving them in the end. These were my thoughts as I sank my teeth into the woman's neck. They sliced through her skin easier than I'd thought they would. She didn't feel it, not even the pull of her blood as it left her body sliding down my throat. The flavor was strong, much stronger than anything I had tasted up until this moment. It radiated warmth throughout my entire body, causing a fire inside that had never been there before. This was the difference Garrett had been trying to tell me, there was nothing like it. Nothing could compare to the taste or the sensation as it spread through my body. My eyes rolled back in my head, relishing the taste of the_ _…_ _human. They snapped back open, realizing what I was doing. The woman's heartbeat was fading, she was dying, and I had killed her. Her heart stopped, her body went limp while Maria watched with a gleam in her eye. I had given in to her, I was hers now, but the worst part of it was that my body still wanted more._

" _I did what you asked of me," I said wiping my mouth. I gently laid the woman down to the ground, cradling her neck even though I knew she was dead._

" _Yes, you did. I knew I'd find something." She made no attempt of following through with her part of the deal._

" _Then end it."_

_She eyed me for a few seconds, then smiled again with a snarl. "I think I'll keep this one." She placed the screaming child in the arms of the vampire next to her. The venom had started to spread, and I compulsively shuddered remembering what that burning felt like. "Take her to my chamber."_

" _You promised!"_

" _I did no such thing."_

" _You said you'd stop it! You can't do this."_

" _Can't? I can do anything I want." She moved quickly, standing inches from my face. "Think of her as a memento. Every time you see her, you'll be reminded of this moment. Never defy me again. Let's hope for the other's sake the child will weigh heavily on that precious conscience of yours."_

_Anger was all I felt. The blood from the woman was coursing through my veins and it lit a fire causing a knot in my stomach. It was filled with flame and fury. It was the core of everything I had become since the day Edward had left me in the woods. I was enraged. At Edward for leaving me, for Charlie for giving me up, Victoria for killing my mother_ _…_ _everything came flooding back, and I was tired of feeling the misery. I needed to embrace the anger, use it and protect myself from the sorrow that had nestled itself deep within me._

_Maria had moved to the center of the room. Her back was to me while s_ _he continued to appraise the other humans. With the fury and the human blood inside of me, I felt powerful and unafraid, like nothing could touch me. I leapt, but underestimated how slow and weak I still was; her guards had been expecting it. Garrett's yells echoed around the room as they lunged for me. I shut my eyes bracing for the impact, but it never came. Slowly, one by one I opened my eyes. The guards were a foot away from me, trying to reach for me, but they couldn't. It was the strangest thing, like watching a mime perform; as though they were pushing an invisible box, or pressing against an invisible wall. As hard as they tried, they couldn't move it._

_Maria's hands slowly clapped together, laughing her maniacal laugh. "Oh, Phoenix!" She raised her arms in the air, grinning at me. "You'll do fine, little bird. Just fine." She turned back to the humans, her arms still spread wide. "The phoenix hope, can wing her way through the desert skies, and still defying fortune's spite; revive from ashes and ris_ _e!" she quoted with her arms raised high in the air. "Yes!" She spun around to face me with her hungry eyes, looking at me as though I were her next meal. "This is what I've been waiting for. This is something new_ _…"_

_I glanced in Garrett's direction and he_ _looked as shocked as I felt, but he was smiling. We both knew what this meant._

_There was still hope._

_As quickly as it had come, the shield or invisible field, or whatever it was, was gone. I couldn't sustain it, just like last time. The two vampires were leery of me, but they gripped me tightly waiting for Maria's instructions. I wasn't as drained as the last time, but I still felt a little unsteady, and I let them hold me up. I had n_ _o idea how I had tapped into it, but I was beginning to realize it had something to do with my emotions._

" _I suppose you'd like a reward for that meager display?" Maria asked._

" _The child."_

" _No."_

" _Then I want Garrett to stay with me," I said, taking a chance with her present delight._

" _You've done well, little bird. Very well. But not that well. Guards," she flicked her hand, "take him back. Say your goodbyes." Garrett was forcibly removed from the chamber. "Ta-ta." Maria waved._

_He didn't say anything, but I knew the look he was giving me and I was reminded of the note he left me in my journal. I would get us out of here._


	29. Laugh and the World Laughs With You; Weep and You Weep Alone

**CHAPTER 28**

**-:- Laugh and the World Laughs With You; Weep and You Weep Alone -:-**

* * *

**2008 -:- Bella's Journal**

_Rats._

_I've been forced to live off rats. Luckily, there are plenty down here. Maria demands that I feed, thinking it's the link to my training, so I've been trying to keep my strength up with the rats. This way, at least, I don't have to feed on humans as often as she wants me to. I've demanded that she gives me only the sick or the dying, and as long as I continue to perform, she's okay with that demand._

_She's at least delivered on one promise. She wouldn't give me Garrett, but asked me what else I wanted, instead. I almost told her to stuff it, but realized that was pointless and wasn't going to help me or Garrett. I wanted to see the sky, I told her. I was hoping she'd let me go to the surface, at least then I'd get a chance to scope out an exit plan. This place is a maze, one tunnel leading to another. I had no idea which of them we'd come through, I hadn't been paying attention when we were brought down here. We are so far down it's impossible to smell fresh air._

_She's given me my own 'chamber' of sorts. It wasn't by choice, but the other vampires had started to taunt me relentlessly, hoping to get a rise out of me. She's afraid one of them will go too far when she isn't around and kill me. Apparently, she has plans for me. So for now I have some privacy, and some natural light. Alice, I don't think you'd believe it if you saw it. Maybe you have already. Or maybe you never cared enough about me to look into my future. I think I can accept that much easier. It's a small cavern with only one way in. I'm surrounded by rock and darkness, but there's a small opening to the sky which sits high above my head. It shines a small amount of light, but I'm grateful for it. She gave me the sky, and I'm as happy as I can be in this place. Now I can count the days passing. Who knows if that's a good thing, though. Maybe it's worse._

_I've made progress with this ability I have. Carlisle would be intrigued, I'm sure. I haven't been able to do what I did on the surface, but I can create a shield around me if I concentrate hard enough. It takes a lot out of me to manifest it, but everyday it gets a little bit easier. If Garrett was here, I'm sure I'd be much further along. As of today, I can hold the shield for four and a half minutes, but that's only if I'm standing there doing nothing but concentrating on it. So far, in terms of fighting, it's pretty useless._

_.  
_

_It's been thirty-eight sunrises since I last wrote in this. Lots has hap_ _pened, too. I can hold this shield thing for about eighteen minutes. While trying to do something else_ _…_ _about three minutes. It's just too hard to focus the energy and concentrate on other things. And still no Garrett. And I haven't seen the child either. I've heard a few whispers, but hardly anyone talks to me. I'm the social outcast down here, just like I was in high school. Go figure._

_.  
_

_Another thirty-seven sunrises. Shield count thirty-three minutes, fighting_ _…_ _it depends on how many I'm fighting. Everyone is desperate to get their hands on me. I'd like to think it's because Maria favors me, but somehow I don't think that's the only reason. I saw Garrett very briefly the other day. He walked through the training chamber with a group of other 'workers.' He couldn't stop, but we shared a passing touch of the hand. I miss him. Just knowing he's here with me is comfort enough for the time being. I'm getting stronger and learning all of this for him._

_.  
_

_Forty-four sunrises. Shield count_ _…_ _I don't even know anymore. It's pretty simple to throw it up now. I don't even have to think about it. Even while I'm fighting, surrounded by a number of vamps, they can't touch me. It's odd, though, it doesn't work for inanimate objects. They can throw rocks and anything else they want at me, and it doesn't stop them. It only seems to repel vampires. I wonder what Carlisle would say to that? I suppose it doesn't matter, it's not like a rock can hurt me, but mud and refuse getting thrown at you gets a little old after awhile. After the first time, it's not funny anymore. Believe me._

_Maria will never let me go, that much is evident now. I'll have to kill her if I want to get us out of here. She deserves to die. She's a plague and needs to be wiped out._

_.  
_

_Garrett was allowed to visit me yesterday. I would have cried if I could have. He liked my digs. We caught up on a few things, he's privy to a lot more gossip than I am. No one trusts me, but everyone seems to talk to Garrett. He found out what the 'pits' are all about. She's breeding vampires. She's pitting human against human, weeding out the strong from the weak. The winners get the honor of becoming like us. I get shivers just thinking about it, let's hope I never have to go down there._

_Here's my confess_ _ion: I think I love Garrett. I mean, I'm not sure. I'm not saying it's a love to end all loves, but down here_ _…_ _I think it's enough. We need each other if we're going to survive this, something good and pure needs to keep us sane. You have to understand that, Alice._

_Who am I kidding! This journal isn't for Alice. I've been writing in this with every intention you, Edward, might read it. I can't bear to think you might be disappointed in me, that you were right to leave me, because look at me. I was pathetic then and I'm pathetic now. I can't even fight back. If this journal ever makes it into your hands, I hope you'll read this and a part of you will be proud by what I'm going to do. You're why I write. Why I fight. I'm going to stop her, and then you and your family will never have to know this world exists._

_You're in my every thought. It's like I breathe you, I see you everywhere. I feel you everywhere. But it's too hard to keep you so close. I need to let you go, or I won't survive. I hope you'll understand what Garrett and I have is from necessity. He knows where my heart lies, but he still needs me. You never needed me, Edward. I can live with that, I understand why you never needed me. I wish it was easy to let you go, like how you let me go. I often wo_ _nder if you think of me? Not the way I think of you, but maybe once in awhile_ _…_ _you remember me. I want to stop writing to you, and every time it gets a little bit easier. It's like I'm saying goodbye, piece by piece._

_I think I've found the strength insid_ _e to fight back. I could walk out of this place if I wanted to. Isaac keeps telling me I should go, that I wasn't made for down here, but I can't leave Garrett. I still have a long ways to go in terms of fighting and trying to get a handle on this, but for the first time in a long time I feel useful. I actually feel immortal, invincible almost._

_.  
_

_Seventy-six sunrises give or take a few. I lost count. Maria found my weakness_ _…_

_Some time ago we were taken to the usual training area. We were less a few vampires, some didn't survive. I've never gotten to know the names of the vampires I've been fighting, not seeing the point of it. I don't want to associate with them, and they_ _sure as hell don't want to associate with me. My arguments with Maria are a testament to that. I am trouble. I'm not afraid of them, they can't touch me, but the problem is I won't fight back. I refuse to kill and I defy Maria's rules. "To the death" doesn't apply to me. But now things have taken a turn and I'm no longer in a position of advantage._

_We had been told to wait for Maria, she was coming to watch us again. I knew this had everything to do with me, and so did everyone else. They stood against the wall opposite of me, trying to distance themselves as much as possible. Maria finally made her appearance with her entourage trailing behind her. In her hand, she held the child's hand. I hadn't seen her since the day she was turned. She was still dirty, covered in mud and other things, she looked feral with her blood red eyes glaring back at me._

" _This is Emilia. Emilia, this is the one who killed your mommy," Maria said, stroking the child's hair._

" _She wasn't her mother," I said._

" _No, but she was the closest thing to a mother. She doesn't know the difference."_

" _Where have you been keeping her?"_

_Garrett had mentioned the other vampires were afraid of the little girl. No one wanted to be around an "immortal child," they were taboo. He didn't know where she had been kept, no one knew apart from those closest to Maria. It didn't look like it was anywhere that was fit for a child, immortal or not. I did feel responsible for this child even though she was looking at me with hatred in her eyes. Maria's tactic had worked._

" _It doesn't concern you. She's fed enough, if that's what you're worried about. She serves one purpose and one purpose only. To keep you in line."_

" _I won't kill for you."_

" _You will," she said simply, and grabbed the child's hair in a firm grip hoping I'd see the incentive of listening to her. "I feel you've been slacking off. This whole business grows tiresome. What good is it to me if you won't kill? Where's the motivation? Your little gift means nothing to me and my army. You'll either fight, or you'll learn to channel that power so it's beneficial to me. It's all about me, in case you've forgotten, little bird, and right now it seems to be all about you. This upsets me. You've seen what happens when I'm upset." She leaned down so she was eye-level with the little girl. She pinched her cheek and said, "I thought we'd watch today. Emilia, would you like to watch?"_

_The child hadn't taken her eyes off of me, it was kind of creeping me out. Garrett was right about the immortal children_ _…_ _they were all kinds of wrong. Inwardly I shuddered, but I retained the façade that I wasn't bothered by it._

_Maria eyed up the other prospects on the opposite wall. "You and you," she pointed to a man and a woman, "and you, and you, too. Oh hell, why not_ _the lot of you. Since you seem so untouchable, why not fight them all?" she mused. "Let's see how good you are."_

_I knew better than to question her motives, but something was off. It was the way she was smiling at me as she sat down on a chair that was brought in for her. Or maybe it was the way the child hadn't taken her eyes off of me. She was frightening if ever a child of seven could be._

_I stood in the middle of the room waiting for the other vampires to come at me. None of us really saw the point, they'd all but given up trying to fight me these past few weeks. I wouldn't touch them and they couldn't touch me. It made for a really boring battle. The first one took a running stab at it, trying to gain favors with Maria for his efforts. Of course, he bounced, it's the only way to describe it. The second leapt, and did much the same. No one was laughing, no one was smiling, and all I could see was the child still eyeballing me. The third one threw a rock, which I dodged easily enough. My fourth opponent_ _…_ _made it through. She blindsided me and came crashing into me, knocking me to the ground. We both were too shocked to move._

" _How did you_ _…" I tried to ask, but before I could finish my sentence, the next thing I knew I was thrown to the other side of the cavern, slamming into the wall. Rock and shale came crashing down around me. The other vampires didn't waste any time. Weeks of frustrated energy had finally come to a head. I tried to concentrate, I tried to get my shield up again, but it was like a black void of nothingness. It was all gone. The fire in the pit of my stomach was no longer there, like it had been ripped from inside of me._

_It didn't take them long to tear into me. I tried to fight back, but I hadn't needed to learn to fight up until this point, and there were too many. I was screaming, that much I was aware of, when I felt the flesh tear from my calf._

" _Enough!" I heard Maria's yell through my own and the vampires stopped. Her expression was blank, while her hand rested on the child's head. "Remarkable," she said with reverence in her tone. "The yin to your yang."_

" _What? What are you talking about?"_

" _This_ _…" she said, and pushed the child forward._

" _She did this?" I asked confused. "How?"_

" _I don't know."_

" _You knew this would happen?"_

" _No. I hoped." She was smiling now with wonderment in her eyes. "I suspected, but I never knew the extent. There were little things, but I never dreamed a child could wield so much power. Tell me, what did it feel like?"_

_I looked down at my body riddled with bites. The venom was stinging, burning its way through the layers of my skin and there was a healthy chunk of flesh missing from my leg that I knew I'd never get back._

" _How do you think it felt, you crazy bitch!"_

" _Not that," she waved her hand, "this," she said pushing the child forward again._

_I had nothing else to say to her. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing what the girl's powers felt like. Whatever she had done, she had sucked everything out of me. There was nothing left. I was panicking, wondering if it would ever return, because right now, everything was still a void of nothingness. The girl was shooting daggers from her eyes. I actually feared her head might spin all the way around. She looked possessed, like a demon child. This place was the closest thing to hell on earth, and she was born from the depths of it._

" _You'd do better to watch that tone with me. This changes the game, doesn't it, little bird?"_

**2016 -:- Present Day**

Carlisle and I spent the better part of the afternoon, going over Bella's journal. It still weighed heavily on my heart, but I was grateful to be able to share it with him. It wasn't that I wanted to share the burden of what was written inside of it, Carlisle had seen many things in his life, I only hoped he would shed some light on the nature of Maria. There was nothing he could say about Bella and me that I didn't already know. Time was what we needed, and a lot of patience on my part. I was prepared to do whatever it would take to gain her trust in me again—to love me. The business of Garrett was for the most part out of my control. Could she love two people at once? Everything in her journal told me yes. I would have to trust that and push aside my insecurities if we were going to move forward.

Carlisle assured me we had some time to figure things out, and in the meantime he was adamant we make the most of things. He thought the family deserved a reprieve from the heartache, at least for a few days. He also wanted to talk with Bella about her decision not to see Charlie. She wanted to wait until Maria was destroyed before crashing Charlie's life, and we understood her decision, but not all of us agreed with her. We had to think about the possibility of the wolves finding out about her, which was inevitable given the nature of them and Jacob's trust issues with us. They deserved to know what could possibly be heading their way if we failed.

I was standing outside Carlisle's office listening to see who was home. Everyone was outside it seemed, chopping wood for the compound, or finding other things that could be useful to the humans. Emmett was still trying to rig up a hot water shower, with the help of Garrett and Jasper. Rosalie was tinkering with the trucks, even though she didn't think it mattered much, before long our precious fuel supply was going to run out. We were going to have to think of some alternatives, or someone was going to have to make a trip back to Alaska, and now that we were no longer mobile we could do that.

Bella and Alice, not surprisingly, were off on their own. I had been careful to give them their privacy, I tried to keep out of Alice's head, but in the last twenty-four hours my curiosity finally got the better of me, and I tapped into her thoughts instantly regretting my decision. Walking to the kitchen, I stood in front of the sink, staring out the window at the trees and listened to the rest of their conversation.

"He won't go in there," Alice said. They were sitting on a rock staring up at the window to my room. Bella's arms were wrapped around her knees, with her head resting against them. "Rosalie and I tried to set it up just like he had it before, but it didn't go down so well. Lots of yelling, then the usual silent treatment. As far as I know, he's not stepped in there once."

"But why?"

"It's like I told you last night, he was fine when we were moving. He was always searching. Every settlement we went to, he looked at every face. I think he listened to every heartbeat, searching for yours. He never admitted it, but we all knew. Even when we went back to Phoenix, he said he accepted it, but he was never at rest. When we made the decision to come back here, I think that part of him had finally come to terms with everything. Like this was a last test of sorts. He didn't want a part of any of this, not without you."

Bella unfolded her arms and stood, looking up at the bedroom window. She hadn't seen me, but Alice had. She gave me a sad smile, and apologized silently. I wasn't angry with her, not at all. I was just hoping Bella didn't have to hear any more sad stories. It wasn't a competition about who had the worst of it, both of us knew the answer to that, my pain couldn't even come close to hers. I was tired of dwelling on the past, we needed to move forward.

I lost sight of her, engrossed in my own thoughts, but I heard the front door to the house open, followed by her footsteps up the stairs. I let her be alone for a few minutes, before gathering the courage to join her in my bedroom. I wasn't sure what she was going to say, or how I was going to explain why I had never been in my room. It seemed pointless, really.

As I rounded the corner, I saw her standing at the window looking out at the barren landscape, so different than what I remembered of the view. She was holding a frame in her hand. Her shoulders stiffened briefly, and then she raised the picture up to take a better look.

"This is mine," she said, without turning around.

She was holding one of the photos of the two of us I'd taken from her album when we left Forks. Alice must have put it in a frame when she unpacked my things. The same box the CD had been in, I mentally noted. Bella turned around to face me, tapping the picture in her palm. Her expression was blank and for a moment she looked angry, but then her mouth split into a wicked grin.

"This is mine, too." She leaned down, rummaging through a box at her feet and pulled out something yellow. The object took me by surprise. I hadn't known Emmett had taken it from Bella's house the day we had our talk.

"That's just creepy," she said, holding up the yellow-polka dot bikini top. "Please don't tell me you wear it." She held it up to her chest, shaking it back and forth and started singing that infernal song. It took only a few bars, before I leapt at her with a feral snarl, pinning her up against the window. I had her arms raised over her head, and the yellow fabric rested just in front of our eyes. We both glanced at it swinging slowly back and forth, and neither one of us could hold in our laughter.

"I was hoping you would've forgotten that memory. I'm surprised you remember."

"I remember everything when it comes to you," she whispered.

"That _was_ a good weekend," I said, leaning forward so our lips were almost touching. I wanted to kiss her, but more than anything I wanted her to kiss me.

"One of the best."

A sharp whistle came from outside, just below us. "You go, Eddie!" Emmett yelled up at us.

"I also remember Emmett was a pain in your ass. I see that hasn't changed," she said laughing.

"I don't think that'll ever change." I growled, making a crude hand gesture to him through the window.

"Come on!" he yelled. "We're getting a baseball game going! You two coming, or you finally going to go for a home run?"

"Never subtle, is he?"

"He has a way with words."

"You can get your freak on after the game. All the running and chasing is bound to get you two in the mood." Emmett was still talking, despite Esme's protests to leave us be.

"He'll never stop if we don't go."

"Relentless."

"I've always thought about what it'd be like. I often day-dreamed about it," she said, raising her eyebrow a little while she bit her lip. "Baseball that is."

I tucked a stray hair behind her ear, and placed a soft kiss on her temple. "You still think you can outrun me."

"I know I can," she said, and kissed my lips and it was soft and sweet and exactly what I'd been hoping for. I lifter her up and she wrapped her legs around my waist.

"Aw, you guys! We've never had fourteen of us, you can do that later," Emmett whined, while Rosalie swatted him upside the head.

I was grinning at Bella, knowing this wasn't the right time for us, but that it would come soon enough. Once again, she amazed me. I had come up the stairs, expecting a long drawn out, sad talk about why I chose never to step foot in here. But she understood, she didn't need to hear it, and just like before, she continued to amaze me more and more with every passing second of the day.

I spun us around and yelled, "Bella and I are on separate teams!" which promptly caused Emmett to do a fist pump in the air.

"Now we're talking," he said. "This is going to be good!"

.

"THERE'S TOO MANY OF us to play baseball," Jasper said. "Seven on each team? We'll be running into each other all over the field. You remember what it was like when it was just three to a team, and that was when the trees were all filled in. Emmett, think about it. Look at this, there's no challenge in it."

The fourteen of us had congregated at the edge of the field where we used to play. The surrounding forest was just starting to come back. The trees were small and you could see for miles. The forest that had once covered the hillside was gone, only standing deadwood was left, and it seemed to want to topple over with the gust of a strong wind. Jasper did have a point. It would be a pretty easy game if we were to play. Whoever was at bat would never stand a chance. We'd have to alter the rules to make it more interesting. I was a little disappointed. I was looking forward to a game. Carlisle was right, we should relax and finally have some fun, something Bella and Garrett needed, something we all needed.

"Who cares, let's just play," Emmett said. "At least it's something to do. I'm sick of working all the time. I've been digging ditches, mending walls, rigging pipe … I'm tired of it. I'm tired of everything we've been doing this past decade."

Alice had a devilish grin, and I groaned knowing exactly what she was going to say.

"Let's play something else then," she suggested. Her tone was casual, but inside she was bursting at the seams.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "What's in that head of yours, Alice?"

"Football."

There were mixed reactions from everyone. A few groans and a few cheers, most of the thoughts were based around clothing, and how little of it there was to go around in the first place without us purposely trying to ruin it.

"No way," Rosalie and Irina said at the same time.

"But it's the great American past time," Alice said.

"No, dear, that's baseball," Jasper corrected her.

"Whatever. It'll be more exciting than boring old baseball."

"We don't even have a football," Emmett said.

"We don't need one. We can use a rock. We'd likely destroy a real football anyway," Alice said.

"Why would _you_ want to play football?" Emmett was eyeing her suspiciously. "Not exactly your thing, Alice. What do you know?"

"Nothing," she said simply, and refused to say anything more. Everyone's attentions turned to me, wondering what she had planned.

I shook my head, laughing at her. I had to admit, even without her visions, she was one scary, tiny vampire.

"You want to know, Emmett?" I said, still smiling. I had my arm around Bella and kissed the top of her head. "Alice wants to see you go up against Bella. She thinks it'll be hilarious to see you try and tackle her." If I hadn't been on the receiving end of Bella's ability a few days ago, the idea of Emmett tackling her would have terrified me. But I knew how it worked, and I had to admit, it would be amusing to see. Emmett didn't know the full the extent of what she could do, none of the family did.

Garrett, being the only other one to know exactly how Bella's shield worked, started laughing with me. He clapped his hands and said, "This _is_ going to be good."

Bella hadn't moved from my arms and she hadn't said anything, but she was smiling and glaring at Emmett.

"Piece of cake," Emmett scoffed, pretending to crack his knuckles.

"Payback," Bella said.

"For what!"

"All those times you made fun of me when I was human."

"You were a walking disaster! What did you expect?"

"We'll see." She smiled. "So, how do we want to make the teams? Or do you have it all figured out, Alice?"

"Partners against partners!" Alice piped up. "Since Emmett and Edward have to be on the opposite team as Bella, it's only fair she gets Garrett and Carlisle. I would say it should be Jasper, but I want to be on Bella's team, so Jasper you're with them, and Eleazar you're with us. That means Esme and Carmen you're over there and Kate, too!" She grinned at Kate and then back to Garrett. I was going to have to encourage that match. I wondered how Bella would react to the news of Kate's interest in Garrett.

"Rose and Irina, you're with us. Tanya, you're with Edward." It was the wrong choice of words from Alice. I saw Bella's back stiffen as she quickly glanced at Tanya. There had never been any talk about Tanya, but in the past twenty-four hours, Bella had come to realize the two of us were quite good friends.

I was going to have to have a word with Alice after the game.

 _Relax, Edward. A little healthy competition never hurt anyone_ , Alice said silently and winked. I was right. One scary, tiny vampire.

"Nice," Emmett said, nodding his head. "I like these odds." He looked at each of us on his team, satisfied that he had the stronger team of the two. "So, no powers then," Emmett said, crossing his arms and staring down at Bella.

"Yeah, right!" she said, straightening up, trying to make herself look a bigger.

"No way! I heard what you can do, and that's cheating."

"You can't tell me Edward's not going to be reading everyone's heads and anticipating their moves."

"It's not like he can turn it off."

"Exactly. And you have Jasper, too. I'm sure he'll try some sort of tactic to mess us up."

"Who me?" Jasper said, smiling and instantly we all felt a little fuzzy, euphoric almost, and giddy.

"And they have Kate!" Rosalie said. "Who's going to want to touch her? Alice! Why'd you stack the teams? They're not fair."

"Trust me, it won't matter," Alice said.

Garrett and I agreed on this point. This was all just an exercise to see Bella in action.

Emmett was grinning, even more confident in his team once he realized we had Kate and that electric-shocking skin of hers. "Should we bet on it?"

"What is it you used to say, Edward?" Carlisle joked, slapping Emmett on the shoulder. He knew the extent of Bella's powers too. "Never bet against Alice."

.

WE WERE LINED UP at opposite ends of the—three times larger than regular size—football field, with Bella's team having the first kickoff. Alice had found a boulder that was about the same size as a football. We actually had a few on hand, thinking we were bound to crush some of them. We'd set the rules. This wasn't some pansy-ass game of touch. We were going all out, full on tackle, and teams had to score a touchdown in four downs or the ball, or rock, was turned over.

Everyone's thoughts were rife with excitement; the idea of facing-off against their partner on the field had been a long time coming. I wondered why we'd never thought about football before—such a great way to relieve some of the tension we'd all been feeling.

We already knew the strategy of their team. Get the ball to Bella. That was all they were thinking. We just had to make sure she never got it. She had agreed she would only stretch her powers to herself, nothing more, and she wouldn't do any of the other stuff she could do. We wanted some competition while we played.

"One, two, three." Emmett was beside me doing lunges.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting warmed up to kick your girlfriend's ass."

"Emmett …" I laughed, shaking my head. "I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"You can't protect her, Edward. She's on the other team. No favorites."

I was going to warn him that with Bella's powers she didn't need protection from him, but then thought Alice was right. I was going to enjoy watching this.

"Ready?" Carlisle yelled across the field, holding up the boulder. He drop kicked it, and the rock split in two, both pieces splicing off in different directions. We all started laughing. I guess that was why we didn't play football.

"Hold up!" Alice said. "It was a weak rock, let's try this again." She passed Carlisle another rock, which looked the same to me, but it seemed to do the trick as it came hurtling through the air toward us.

Emmett caught it, and took off running, the rest of us following close behind him. Out of nowhere, it seemed, Garrett and Carlisle came barreling toward him, and the impact of their hit echoed across the valley. The three of them crashed hard to the ground, tearing up the dirt as they all came skidding to a halt.

Everyone stood in awe at what had just transpired, and marveled at the damage that had been done in the wake of their tackle. Emmett and Carlisle were still on the ground, but they were giggling like little school girls.

"This really is going to be good," Emmett said in between fits of giggles, and he held up the rock that had managed to stay in his arms unharmed.

"First down," Alice sang.

No one with an ability was allowed to be the quarterback, so it was agreed Tanya would play for our team, and Rosalie for theirs. It was the only way we could keep things relatively fair on both sides. We lined up, with the usual taunts and catcalls as to who was going down. Bella was across from me and raised two fingers to her eyes, then back to me.

"You're going down, Cullen," she said.

"You have to catch me." I winked at her. I bent over, holding the rock on the ground, and saw Tanya between my legs.

"You ready, Edward?" Tanya said, giving me a huge smile. She was staring at my backside, and her thoughts were of no surprise to me as she licked her lips.

I glanced back up to Bella one last time, hoping she hadn't seen that. Her lip was upturned slightly, almost in a scowl, but she quickly dismissed it when she saw me watching her. Tanya called out some numbers, all part of the ruse, and I snapped the rock to her and took off running expecting Bella to follow me. I turned around to wait for the throw, only to see Bella slam into the side of Tanya.

"Ooooh! Bella's got game! Sacked the quarterback," Jasper said, slapping me on the chest.

 _I guess your girlfriend's a little touchy with her property._ Tanya smiled at me, wiping the mud off of her pants. _Shall I keep it up?_

I gave her a look which clearly said to knock it off, although, secretly, I was enjoying the jealous streak in Bella.

"Second down," Alice yelled out. _See? Healthy competition._

"Nix! Hell'uva tackle. Who knew you had it in you?" Garrett picked Bella up and spun her around, kissing her cheek as he set her down.

I grimaced. Yeah, right … healthy, I said to myself.

 _You going to let him get away with that?_ Emmett asked me, placing his hand on my shoulder. _The guy's all over her._

"Whatever, Emmett, let's just play the game," I said and lined up, ready for the next play. "Get the ball to Kate."

The ball was snapped, and Tanya quickly handed it off to Kate who took off down the field. Jasper and I were with her to clear a path for her, but it wasn't needed, no one even tried to take her down.

"Touchdown!" Emmett yelled and let out a big holler.

"How the hell did that happen?" Garrett said, clearly annoyed that his teammates had let Kate score.

"Are you kidding?" Rosalie said. "I'm not touching her."

"Why not?"

"You want to get zapped, you go right on ahead."

"It can't be that bad. No pain, no gain, right?" Garrett was looking Kate up and down, trying to assess the damage she could do.

"Why don't you see for yourself?" Kate batted her lashes, acting like a coy woman, and smiled. "I promise to go easy on you."

"Sweetheart, I don't need anyone to go easy on me. I'm up for anything," Garrett said with a calculated grin, and all the women in my family seemed to swoon. Their thoughts were nauseating, like they were star struck by him, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

 _That dude's going down,_ Emmett said silently to me. _I don't like him._

I definitely sympathized with Emmett, and I understood a little where he was coming from. I felt threatened by Garrett, but Emmett had his own reasons to not like the guy. He'd always thought of himself as Bella's protector, or a big brother type, but seeing Garrett and Bella interact on the field, he was beginning to realize his role had been taken.

"Agreed," I said quietly to Emmett.

It was their turn to receive and Alice caught the rock and was running down the field toward Jasper. He pretended to slip in the mud, making a lame attempt to tackle her. Luckily Esme was behind him and did the job for him.

"Jasper! What was that? You let Alice get right by you on purpose," Emmett said.

"Well, I couldn't take out my own wife, now could I?" He bent down and kissed Alice, congratulating her on the play.

"Yes! I'd have no problem tackling Rosalie."

"That's because Jasper's a gentleman and you're not," Rosalie said, and slapped Emmett's head.

He grabbed his head, rubbing the spot where she hit him. "Stop slapping me!"

"Stop being an idiot."

I glanced over at Bella, who was genuinely laughing. She looked so happy and I could have watched her like that for hours. She caught my eye, and for a second she faltered, then smiled and mouthed, 'Thank you' to me.

Esme came up behind me, putting her arm around my waist. She didn't say anything, she didn't need to. She was happy, we all were and it had been a long time coming.

"Nice tackle," I whispered to Esme and hugged her back.

"This ol' broad still has moves," she joked. "Just wait until I take that husband of mine on." She was watching Bella with Carlisle across the field, the two of them were working up some kind of plan for Emmett, and they burst into laughter. "Laughter really is the best medicine. We all needed this."

"We did."

"First down!" Alice yelled.

The game continued even as the rain began to fall. It made for an interesting game when the field turned into one giant mud bowl. I couldn't remember the last time we'd all shared an afternoon like this. Everyone was covered in mud from head to toe, and we looked a little savage and wild. Even Carmen was enjoying the game, despite never having played or not knowing the rules.

We were all tied up at the moment. Our strategy to get the ball to Kate was not working anymore. Garrett wasn't kidding about not having any issues with touching her, and was getting used to the effects of her skin, even in the rain. I tried to stay out of his head as much as possible, he was beginning to like it a little too much for my comfort.

Emmett and I still hadn't exacted our revenge on him, we knew we couldn't make it too obvious or everyone would see right through it. Garrett wasn't intentionally flirting, it was just who he was, but it didn't stop me from being annoyed with him.

"We going to do some damage?" Emmett asked me, his fist raised waiting for me to hit him back.

I nodded and tapped him, smiling while the two of us watched the team huddle at the other end of the field. Bella had yet to touch the ball. We had made sure she was covered at all times. She was getting a bit riled up by it, but Alice kept re-assuring her that her time would come. They were trying their best to cover their thoughts from me, Alice having given them a few pointers to help out, but I still managed to discern this was the big play they'd hoped would happen since we started the game. They were going to get the ball to Bella. I was torn a little; I kind of wanted to see Emmett go down. I wanted to see Bella in action, having only ever witnessed it firsthand. But then I saw the smug look on Garrett's face when he looked from me to Emmett, and I quickly changed my mind. There was no way I was going to let them get ahead. Up until now, it had been touchdown per touchdown. We'd score one, then they'd score one. This last time, we'd failed miserably to score and suffered a turnover, and now it was their turn to get ahead.

"This is it, they're going for Bella."

"We've managed to keep the ball from her this long, what makes them think they can change it up?"

"The girls are planning some kind of distraction, but they're trying damn hard to block their thoughts."

Emmett looked at Jasper and I, all joking aside and said, "Well, whatever it is don't fall for it."

We lined up across from each other. Each of Bella's teammates was sporting a huge grin while they sang songs in their heads to distract their thoughts. Eleazar snapped the ball to Rosalie. She wheeled to the left, narrowly missing Emmett's reach and shoved the ball into Bella's belly, only she didn't really have the ball. I realized the handoff was a fake a second too late, and we all fell for it and left the others wide open. The distraction was Bella. While we were busy watching her, Garrett swung wide and headed for the end zone. It was too late, but Emmett took off running anyway. He charged forward, with the strength of a speeding train, his yells echoing over the valley. It all happened so fast. Emmett leapt, Bella screamed, and the rest of us watched in horror. He was in mid-air when the force hit him. Watching it and experiencing it were two very different things. Emmett seemed to crash into something that was invisible to our eyes. He was thrown with the same force he slammed into it. He flew through the air, and crashed into the side of the rock ridge about a hundred feet from Garrett. The rock crumbled beneath him and he tumbled over the edge.

"What've I done?" Bella mumbled in horror, her hands raised to her mouth. She ran for the ledge, we all did, not sure what we'd find or how far down he would have fallen.

"Emmett!" Rosalie and Esme yelled, but there was no answer.

"What the hell, Bella!" Rosalie said.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I just panicked. I wasn't thinking. It just happened." Bella was looking at me, her eyes filled with terror and worry. "I didn't mean it."

"We know," Carlisle said the words I couldn't say. I was too shocked to respond, so instead I lay down on my stomach, leaning over the edge of the ridge to look for Emmett below.

"Emmett!" I yelled again.

 _Payback's a bitch_ , I heard him groan. I scrambled forward telling Carlisle and Jasper to hold my legs. I saw him hanging onto the rock face with one arm, the other dangling below him.

"You all right?" I asked. "What's wrong with your arm?"

 _Tell Bella she cheated._ He swung the other arm up, wincing slightly, and started to climb. _That touchdown doesn't count._

"He's all right," I said, reaching for him to help him up. "He's all right."

He was a little shaken, and unsteady on his feet. Carlisle looked him over, and assured us he was okay. The twinge in his shoulder had already started to heal and he was making his usual smartass remarks while Rosalie tended to him. He was about to earn another swat to the head if he wasn't careful.

"Edward," Bella said quietly from behind me. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize to me, it's Emmett you took it out on."

"I didn't mean it. It was instinct. I've been so used to protecting Garrett, I just panicked."

"From Emmett?" I turned to look at her, my expression filled with doubt.

"You don't understand."

"You're right, I don't. So help me understand what it is with you and him. Will it always be there?"

"That's not fair."

"I know, but I think I deserve an answer all the same." I wasn't angry with her, my tone of voice was anything but. I was simply asking. She looked down the field, trying to think of what she could say.

"This is who I am now," she said between clenched teeth. "I can't turn it off. I'm always going to be on the defensive." She turned back to look at me, expecting me to argue with her.

"I know it's going to take some time for you to trust us again, to trust me, but you're amongst friends here, Bella. We're family. No one here will ever harm you."

"No? You don't think I knew what you and Emmett had planned for Garrett? He's _my_ family, Edward, and you and Emmett wanted t—"

"Yes! As part of the game."

"You mean to tell me it wasn't spiteful?" She was looking at me with an incredulous look.

I laughed. "Yes, okay, maybe a little spiteful, but no different than what you did to Tanya."

The two of us were locked in a heated stare. I felt the corner of my lip turn up slightly, thinking of how she'd plowed into the side of Tanya. I was holding back my laugher, and she was trying to do the same, but instead, she crossed her arms as a distraction. It was a gesture of stubbornness, one I was all too familiar with when it came to her.

"Come on, you two. I'm fine," Emmett said. "Garrett's fine. We're all fine. Except Bella cheats. You're a sore loser, Bella. Who knew?" Emmett wrapped his arms around the two of us. "Please tell me we're even now. I'm sorry I ever laughed at you." He looked at me. _It's okay, Edward. I deserved it. Don't let this ruin the day._

"Bella does cheat," I said smirking.

"I do not!"

"No one likes to lose," I said, "but someone has to." She narrowed her eyes in anger, while I softly tapped her chin.

"Sorry, babe, that touchdown didn't count. We're still tied," Emmett said, ruffling up her hair.

"You two, are jerks."

"But at least we aren't cheaters."

" _Mi Amiga_ , that was some trick," Eleazar said, praising Bella. Everyone mumbled in agreement, not sure how to respond in a situation like this.

"Well, that was fun," Alice said to break the tension. "So, now we all know what she can do. I had no idea _that_ was going to happen, but it _was_ funny." She giggled.

"Emmett, man, you bounced!" Jasper said.

"Nix, you thought I couldn't handle this guy? Come on, have some faith in me," Garrett said with his arms raised in disbelief.

"Maybe we should have another go," Emmett said, challenging Garrett.

Everyone started arguing, all in jest and pretty soon they were all talking over one another. I heard trouble coming over the horizon, and discreetly sought out Carlisle.

"We've got company," I said quietly to him. "The wolves are nearby. They heard us playing." I tried to make our conversation as inconspicuous as possible.

_What do you wish to do with Bella? What will she want to do?_

I hated to interrupt the game, the day had been filled with laughter and pranks and for a few short hours we all forgot about what was looming in our future. Everyone had managed to suspend reality while we played the game, our pasts and our futures were set aside—minus one little blip, of course. With the wolves on their way, reality was here to stay.

"We'll have to get her away. You'll have to distract them."

_You have to stay. They'll know you're back. They'll smell you._

"Emmett!" he said loudly, asking for the ball. We quickly explained the situation and Garrett and Bella left in haste. We couldn't disguise my scent, Carlisle was right, I had to stay. Running from Jacob, and having Bella with me was not an option. The two of them disappeared over the horizon, just as the wolves came into the clearing.

"So, this is the development you were talking about?" I asked Carlisle. There weren't five wolves, like when I had left, they had doubled their numbers. "Where did they come from?"

_T_ _his is what I wanted to talk with you about. It seems our presence is causing a disturbance amongst the Quileutes. Jacob is not happy about it. He's being more difficult than usual. He had been keeping it from us, but while you were gone Billy let it slip. Jacob still thinks we're a threat and wanted to keep their numbers a secret from us. From what Billy has told me, there are fourteen, but a lot of them are very young, younger than the usual._

Our conversation was cut brief, as seven of the wolves slowly walked toward us. Their minds were uneasy, never having been around this many of us in their wolf form. Jacob, Quil and Embry had turned back to their human selves and the wolves made a path allowing them to come closer. It didn't go unnoticed the wolves surrounded them defensively, making sure they were protected on all sides.

"Edward!" Quil said. "When did you get back? Charlie'll be happy to hear it." He was smiling and his thoughts mirrored his expression, he was genuinely happy to see me.

"The other night. It's good to see you, too."

"Charlie was worried when Jasper came back, and you hadn't returned. He thought something might've happened to you when you went looking for him. Him and Seth were getting a search party together."

"No, just took some time to myself," I said smiling back.

Quil might have been happy to see me, but Jacob sure wasn't. His thoughts were making it difficult to carry on the conversation. I gave him a look of warning to back off, which only caused a string of expletives to follow.

"What are you guys doing?" Embry asked.

"Football," Carlisle said, stepping forward, sensing the tension between me and Jacob. "It's been too long since the family played. Thought we'd spend the day having a little fun."

"Really? Wow, vampire football. Now that would be something to see. We heard you from miles away, sounded like a thunderstorm up here in the hills."

"It got a little out of hand," Carlisle said, laughing, holding out his mud covered arms. "We were just finishing up. We've been at it for a few hours."

"There were fourteen of you. Where are the other two?" Jacob said with a snarl.

"Nope, it's just us," Alice said.

"I smelled fourteen," he said, giving her a menacing look.

"Jake, come on, man. Give it a rest," Embry said.

"Where's the other one? The tall one that was with you the other day? He was here, I smell him."

"Garrett? He went back to the house," Jasper said, wrapping his arm casually around Alice. He sent his standard calming waves, trying to diffuse the situation.

"He said we were too rough. The guy's a wimp," Emmett added. I heard Garrett mentally curse him, and my heart clenched, realizing him and Bella were just over the ridge listening to the entire exchange.

"You let a stranger, one who's not like you, wander on his own," Jacob said. "I don't think I have to remind you that your friend is not part of the treaty."

"Garrett is our guest and our friend, Jacob," Carlisle said in a calm and reserved tone. "We trust him."

"Then we'll treat him like one of you. When he tries to break the treaty, you'll all be held accountable, and this time," Jacob turned to look directly at me, "if you try to run again, we'll hunt you down."

"I wasn't running," I said, moving toward him. Carlisle grabbed my wrist, silently warning me now was not the time to get into it with Jacob.

"You still have to answer for stepping over the boundary, Cullen."

"What do you call this?" Emmett said, stepping forward so he was in line with me and Carlisle. "Looks to me like you're on _our_ territory now."

"Emmett," Carlisle warned.

"We came because you've been lying. The deal you made with my father was to let us know when new vampires moved into the territory."

"And we did. We introduced you to Garrett."

"You know we're not talking about him. There's another one. We caught wind of the scent yesterday. Unless you mean to tell me this one isn't with you. In that case, we'd be glad to hunt the bloodsucker down. We've got the young ones to teach. They need to stretch their legs." He was grinning, knowing he had us. They would track Bella, and her scent would lead back to the house. They would know we were lying and all the progress we had made to live amicably with them would be lost.

I should have been more careful.

"You'll not touch her," I said. "That's all I'm going to say on this matter, other than you'll do well to let it lie."

"She's a bloodsucker you're hiding from us." He was smiling, with a triumphant look. "This negates the deal. All bets are off."

"Jake, don't," Embry said.

"We're not hiding anyone, she just arrived yesterday and she'll be leaving soon. We didn't think it was necessary to let you know," Carlisle explained.

"We'll be the ones to judge that, not you. The treaty is off." His lip turned up in a sneer, and the other wolves began to growl.

"Jacob Black." His name carried on the wind. "When did you become such a horse's ass?" Bella's voice rang out from the top of the ridge. She was standing on her own, with the wind and rain whipping through her hair. I cursed silently, shaking my head while everyone's thoughts echoed mine inside my head. I'd hoped it wouldn't happen like this.

"It's not possible …" Jacob said.

"What's going on, Jake?"

"How is it possible?" He had taken a step forward, and I mirrored his own knowing he was about to bolt up the ridge toward her.

"Don't even think about it," I warned him.

"Jake, who is that?" Quil asked.

"It's Charlie's daughter. It's Bella Swan."


	30. All Good Things Come To He Who Waits

**CHAPTER 29**

****-:-** All Good Things Come To He Who Waits **-:-****

* * *

**2016 **-:-** Present Day**

You two have been back for one day and look what's happened already. It's just like the old days," Emmett said as he stripped off his mud covered clothes. Esme didn't want any of us tracking it in through the house and made us get cleaned up in the garage. Only Emmett and I were left to wash the traces of the game off of our skin, everyone else retired inside with Quil, Embry and Jacob.

"Man, I could really use that hot shower right about now," he said as he lifted a bucket of water over his head.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, laughing a little.

"I'm just saying … a nice hot shower with Rosalie would be kinda nice right now, but instead, I'm standing here with your sorry ass with a bucket and this nasty rain water."

"That's not what I meant."

He looked at me confused for a second and then realized I had meant his earlier comment. "Oh, come on. You two are disaster magnets. It's never a dull moment when you and Bella are together."

"You really think that? We're a disaster?"

"I never said you were a disaster, I meant you seem to attract disaster wherever you go."

"A lot has happened in a week."

"A lot has happened since we came back to this house. Maybe it's just this place," he said, throwing another bucket of water over himself.

I watched him absently for a few minutes while he scrubbed the mud off. I was lost in my own head not really paying attention to him. At least not until the bucket of water came splashing down over me.

"I know what you're thinking, Edward, and just forget it. Stop over-analyzing everything."

"You don't know what I'm thinking."

"Yeah, it's written all over your face. You're back to all that self-doubt crap. I know you, brother, and you know I didn't mean anything by what I said. It was a joke."

"I know, it's just—I thought it was a good idea to bring Bella here, and let her see Charlie, but now I'm not so sure. You saw Jacob's reaction, and he knows what we are. What she is."

Emmett grabbed a towel and wiped his face. "Yeah, but you have to admit she looked a little frightening standing up on that hill with the wind and the rain coming down. Like she was some demon coming back from the dead."

I rolled my eyes at him, and gave him a sardonic look.

"Oh, right." He laughed, drying the rest of himself. "But the wolves are different. You're not going to break it to Charlie like that. I'd think you'd have a little more tact. Me … maybe not, but you, you'll have analyzed every angle and every decision, and probably the position of the sun and the cycle of the moon." He snapped the towel and caught me on the arm. "Edward, it's been less than a week. Give it some time. Let's just deal with the wolves first, then we can think about all of that." He went to snap the towel again, but I caught it, ripping it out from his hand.

"You need to lighten up. What happened to the brother that was on my team today? Where'd he go?" he asked, walking toward the door to the house. "Tell him I want him back."

Staring at the towel in my hand, I thought about his words. Today had truly been an amazing day. All of our worries were pushed aside and for the first time in ten years we had 'played.' It was liberating to just be in the moment, something none of us had done since before that drastic vision of Alice's. Looking down at my clothes, I realized there wasn't an inch that wasn't covered in mud. They probably weren't even salvageable. I slowly stripped off my wet shirt, shaking some of the mud from my hair in the process. I placed my hands on the edge of the rain barrel and squeezed the rim lightly. I wasn't in any hurry to go inside. I should have been the first one to clean up so I could sit with Jacob and the others while they reminisced with Bella, but I had been stalling. I didn't want to hear his thoughts anymore. I had heard enough on the field, and the last thing I wanted to do was pity Jacob Black. Seeing Bella again had shattered him. His initial anger at the thought we had turned her was short-lived. Carlisle managed to explain how Jasper found her, and he invited the wolves back to the house so she could tell the rest of her story.

I wanted to give Jacob some privacy to his thoughts, at least until he could get them under control. He'd been fighting back tears of anger, relief, sadness and a whole gamut of other emotions which Jasper confirmed. I knew what he was going through and I respected him enough to give him his space. After all these years, seeing her again and to see her like one of us—his enemy—was going to take some time to get used. He was battling his own demons.

Lifting the bucket, I poured the water over my head. I knew it was cold, and my mind wandered, thinking about how the humans handled the cold water. To us, hot water was the preference, but it didn't make a difference, we didn't really feel it. But I had to admit, Emmett's idea of a hot shower was an interesting idea I hadn't really given much thought to until today, and that had everything to do with Bella.

I wiped my face with the washcloth, and dipped it back into the water, absently wiping my arms while I thought about the future. If we survived this, what would we do? Would we stay in Forks? Was it even possible? We were starting to make a life for ourselves here, more so than before the bombs. Maybe we were getting too close to the people at the compound. We couldn't stay here forever, eventually we'd have to leave again. Even though I wanted to ease Charlie's pain, maybe having Bella see him wasn't the best idea.

_Edward?_

I didn't begrudge her from seeking me out, but I wasn't ready to go back inside.

 _Esme sent me to come find you,_ Tanya said silently from the doorway.

I nodded, not saying anything, and returned to washing the mud out of my hair. She moved to my side and placed a hand on my arm.

_Let me help._

I hesitated for a second, not sure if I wanted her help, not sure if I wanted her washing my hair while I was standing here with no shirt on, lost in thoughts of the future.

"It's okay, I got it."

"Relax," she said, smiling. "You've missed some." Her thoughts were only of helping me and I saw in her head the clump of mud at the back of my neck.

Two people in less than a few minutes had told me I needed to relax, so I nodded again, giving in and bent over the barrel.

She poured the bucket of water over my head, and the drops trickled down the side of my neck and back. She began the tedious task of washing the mud from my hair. She was taking her time. Her thoughts betrayed her though, and I saw what she wanted to talk to me about.

"She's wonderful," Tanya said, softly. "I can see why you never wanted anyone else. Looks like you may get your fairy-tale ending after all." Her tone was kind, not mocking at all. "If there's anyone who deserves it, you do, Edward."

I stood up and turned to face her. Her eyes were sad, and instinctively, I raised my hand to cup her cheek. She leaned into it, letting out a deep breath.

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't incredibly jealous," she said. "A part of me had hoped you'd come to your senses and just accept that you and I were one in the same, that you'd eventually seek me out." Her mouth turned up briefly and then fell. "But now I know why. Your heart was filled, not even an inch to spare for someone like me."

"Tanya …"

"Don't. I just wanted to say my peace. I'm really happy for you." We stayed that way for a few breaths more, until eventually she asked, "Do you think I'll ever have what you have?" She closed her eyes, and sighed. "Or did I use up my chance all those years ago?"

I rubbed her cheek with my thumb and leaned forward, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. "I never thought I would ever say this, but faith is a powerful thing. I've been on both sides of it, and believe me, it's better to have hope than live a lifetime without it."

A voice cleared behind us, and I saw Bella standing in the doorway in Tanya's mind. Tanya stepped away from me looking down at her feet and apologized to me in her head. We hadn't done anything wrong, and I felt no guilt over what had just transpired. I slowly turned to see Bella fidgeting in the doorway, one eyebrow raised.

"Everyone is wondering where you are. I came to see what was taking so long." She sounded a little upset, but she was trying very hard to hide it.

"It's my fault," Tanya said. "I'm sorry." She walked toward the door, trying to squeeze past Bella, and before she left she placed a hand on Bella's arm. "Don't waste a second," she said, and then she was gone.

Bella turned slightly, her gaze resting on Tanya's back. She paused for a moment, watching Tanya walk away and then she faced me again. There was nothing there to betray what she was thinking, only an expressionless mask. It had been so easy to read Bella when she was human: the blush of her cheeks, the quickening pace of her heart and even the sweat on her palms. There was none of that now and I didn't know what she was thinking. It wasn't what it had looked like, and as Bella's face softened while she walked toward me, I realized I didn't need to explain anything. What Bella and I had was beyond petty jealousies, something I needed to be reminded of. If Bella had wanted Garrett, she would be with him. I supposed it was the same with me and Tanya. I had been blinded from the similarities.

"Hi."

"Hi." I smiled, leaning around her to get a towel. She grabbed the edge of it and stood on her toes to place it around me. She glanced up at me hesitantly and then quickly looked away. Her eyes were leveled at my chest. Water was slowly trickling down and dripping from my hair, while my arms hung loosely at my sides waiting for her to make the first move.

She started at the base of my neck, slowly moving the edge of the towel along my throat, gently wiping away the mud and the water droplets. I'd stopped breathing, staring down at the top of her head willing her to look up at me. She continued to use the towel to dry my skin while I ached for her hands to touch me. When she finished, she let the towel slip from my shoulders and it fell to the floor. She leaned forward placing her forehead on my bare chest. I felt her breath against my skin and I fought the urge to shiver.

She rested her hands on the waistband of my pants, inching them upward, like she was memorizing every line, every ridge along my stomach. Her palms were flat against my skin, and the sensation as she trailed her fingers upward was testing my willpower to stay motionless. When her hands finally reached my shoulders she looked up into my eyes.

"You're beautiful," she said breathlessly. She placed two soft kisses, one on either side of my chest. She lingered a little longer on the second one and this time I couldn't help but shudder in response. She took a step back, her eyes dark, and I could only assume mine mirrored hers.

"They're waiting for us," she said.

I wanted to say, "Let them wait," and she must have read it from my expression for she laughed in return.

"We'll have our time soon. You're not getting away this time. I've waited ten years for this … for you. You can't turn me down again."

"You think I didn't want you." I chuckled, shaking my head. "Bella, I would've taken you again and again if I thought you would have survived it. You surely would have died at the hands of me." I winked at her and intentionally flexed my muscles.

She laughed out loud, almost a bit of a snort and said, "That's no longer a problem. We'll see who survives this time. I have every intention of getting what I want." Her voice trailed off as she kissed my chest again.

"Is that a promise?"

"I'm liking this side of you, Edward Cullen. I would've thought you'd be proposing marriage to make it right or something along those lines." She waved her hand, rolling her eyes.

My face must have dropped at the casual mention of marriage. It _had_ crossed my mind, especially today at the football game. I wanted her to be my wife—to be mine in every way possible.

"Oh," she said, her voice a little disappointed.

"I'm not saying I want to right away, but I do want to marry you. If anything to prove to you I'm not going anywhere. We're one, you and I."

"Let's take this one step at a time. Okay? Marriage … that's … well let's just say I haven't thought about that word in over a decade. It just wasn't a part of my vocabulary, and like everything else, it's going to take some time to get used to." She looked at me questioningly. "Do you–do you want to wait for marriage?" she asked.

"God, no!" I blurted out without thinking. "I mean … do you?"

"No more waiting." She placed her arms around my waist and leaned into me. "Well, except for some privacy. Not anywhere in the vicinity of Emmett or Alice, okay?"

I laughed at that. "Definitely not." I held her tightly to me and whispered into her hair, "What prompted all of this?"

"Today was a good day."

"Yes, it was." I let her go so I could look into her eyes. "Only you, Bella."

It wasn't lost on me she didn't return the sentiment. I'd never asked about what I'd read in her journal and she'd never explained it any further. Bella Swan was with me, here and now, and as far as I knew she'd never been with another man. It was the other part of her, her alter ego, whom I didn't know that might have sought out comfort. Maybe I was being naïve, or maybe I just didn't care. No one was the bad guy here, not me for leaving her, and not Garrett for offering comfort when there was none to be had. It didn't mean I wasn't bothered, but like with everything in the past, it couldn't be changed. She was here with me now, and this was just the start.

"Put a shirt on before I change my mind about Emmett," she said, leaning over for a clean shirt Esme left for me.

"Has Jacob finally calmed down?" I asked, throwing it over my head.

"I suppose the initial shock has worn off. He's a stranger to me, though. I mean, I remember him, but I don't. He hasn't spoken much. The other two have done all the talking."

"Jacob and I don't exactly see eye to eye."

"That's obvious."

"But we need him. He's the pack leader and has the respect of a lot of people in the compound. Not sure if you remember, but he had quite a thing for you." She rolled her eyes at me. "In fact, all the boys at school did."

"Edward …" She was still in my arms and twisted to get free, but I held her tight.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but go easy on Jacob. I'm sure this isn't easy for him." She nodded and looked down at her feet.

"It's not easy for any of us," she said and there was nothing else to say to that.

I stripped off my pants and changed into the dry jeans left behind. They were at least an inch too short and must have been Eleazar's jeans.

Bella raised an eyebrow looking at the floods I was now sporting. "This is a first. I've never seen you in anything that wasn't tailored to fit you." She stood across from me with her arms folded, smirking at my bare, white feet sticking out from my jeans.

"Lots of firsts." I picked her up and spun her around. Her arms were tucked into her sides so she couldn't move them. I peppered her face with kisses before setting her down again. "Times are tough. Alice doesn't manage my wardrobe anymore because there isn't one to manage. I see she dug something up for you, though." I held her at arm's length admiring the simple blue shirt Alice had given her, and the slim fitting jeans. "These look brand new. Where on earth did she dig these up?"

"Well, they were mine. She said she'd been holding on to them all this time. She couldn't let them go." Of course Alice had held on to them, I shouldn't have been surprised. None of us had really let Bella go.

.

WE WALKED HAND IN hand back to the living room, where Esme and Carmen had managed to put on quite a spread for the wolves. They had biscuits, nuts, apples baked in cinnamon and some of the coveted concentrated apple juice. In terms of an apocalyptic world, it was some treat and the wolves were appreciative.

Their minds were relatively at ease, having heard Bella and Garrett's stories. Of course they had a million questions about the vampire army, but they had been waiting patiently for me and Bella to return. The room was crowded, and smelled horrific, and even though we were on friendly terms, there was still an underlying tension in the air. I doubted it would ever go away.

Embry threw some nuts into his mouth, chewed for a second and then asked, "So, how is it you think this is our problem?"

"We don't," I said without thinking and then cleared my throat. "Not at all. We just wanted to warn you what may be coming if we fail."

The room fell silent for a moment, some of us knowing the chances of that were very high.

Garrett felt the need to explain. "Maria's always had big plans, even back in the beginning. She has every intention of moving north. She's just being careful right now. Vampires, especially ones like Maria, have no concept of time. She's waiting for the right moment, then she'll spread like a plague. You need to be ready to move your people, go into hiding."

"We're not moving. The people won't move," Embry said.

"Then you'll die." Bella said it without any emotion attached to it. The wolves laughed and snickered, none of them accepting the gravity of her words.

"Or worse," Jasper added, his thoughts turning to the death matches he had witnessed.

Jacob had remained silent all this time. I wasn't used to seeing him like this. He hadn't laughed or reacted with the others. His thoughts were of a more serious nature. He was weighing the options and wondering how any of this was possible. He'd noticed Bella's scars, and he'd seen how much she had changed. Gone was the young teenage girl he had a crush on when he was fifteen years old. One glance at Bella had told him she was never destined to be his, no matter how much he'd always thought she might have been. They were worlds apart now, and he was fighting the wolf side of him. She was just another vampire, his enemy, and hearing her speak just now compounded that. He wanted to look past it, for Charlie's sake, but he was having a difficult time distinguishing the two sides of him. The wolf side of him wanted us gone and considered each of us no better than the vampires in Maria's army. But the human side of him saw Bella and had listened to her story and wanted revenge just like the rest of us.

"I appreciate your frankness," Jacob said, "and for including us in this, but Embry's right. Our people won't go. No one will pick up and move. Thank you, Eleazar, for offering a place in Alaska, but it's not going to happen. To even be considered, we'd need Charlie on our side. He's the only one who could convince the people, and he'll have questions and expect answers."

Bella looked down at her feet at the mention of Charlie and gripped my hand tightly. "Does Charlie know about you?" she asked.

"No, but he's suspected things for some time now. I doubt he's come to the conclusion of werewolves," Jacob chuckled, "but he's asking more and more of the right questions. Especially since the return of all of you. It's getting harder to lie. Seth grew up with the legends, and he's not oblivious to everything happening around him." Jacob looked at me. "He knows something." I nodded in return, confirming what we'd already suspected. "Seth missed his window, he's too old to turn now, but he's aware something is happening to the younger ones. If you guys _stay_ ," his teeth were clenched as he said the word, "we're going to have the entire Quileute tribe turning. They're getting younger."

"We won't be here long. You have to keep it a secret," Bella said, her voice was hard.

"Like I said, it's getting harder. Charlie doesn't know the legends. He's heard them in passing, but hasn't put any stock in them, but with Seth they are bound to start to come to some conclusions. It's only a matter of time." Jacob sat back in his chair with a sullen expression.

"Charlie can't find out," Bella said.

The silence in the room was palpable; unfortunately I was privy to everyone's minds filling with their own opinions on the matter.

"If he's going to figure it out, shouldn't we tell him first?" Carlisle asked, trying to be the mediator of the group. "We are at a crossroads here, and I don't believe we're going to have much of a choice soon. He deserves to know what's coming, and not be taken by surprise like the rest of the districts in the south. He should know the truth from us."

"It's not going to come to that," Bella said. "I won't let it."

Carlisle nodded. "I hope so too, Bella. But we need to start facing facts. There is a strong possibility that Maria's army will make it up here."

"Don't you want to see him?" Alice asked her.

"It's not a good idea."

"Why not?" Alice asked her. "Thanksgiving is coming and then Christmas is right around the corner."

"No." Bella's hand was still in mine and she was squeezing hard. It was odd, but it felt as though her hand was getting warmer, hot almost.

Alice continued, ignoring Bella. "We could have a family—"

"No, Alice." We could hear the strain in her voice. She let go of my hand and fisted them at her sides.

"But he deserves to know—"

"I said, no, Alice!" she yelled at her. Bella's hair blew around her face and it was as though a ripple passed through the room even though there was no breeze. We all felt the power behind Bella's words and it frightened some of them.

"Easy, Nix," Garrett said with his hands up. "We get it." He looked to Jasper who sent his usual calming emotion around the room and she seemed to relax a little.

 _This happens sometimes,_ Garrett said to me. _She gets a little excited and things can get out of her control. Talk to her._

"Bella, Alice is only trying to help."

"She's meddling where she shouldn't. Charlie was _my_ family." Alice looked crushed and sunk into Jasper's arms. "You don't get to make the decisions for me. I'm not that weak, pathetic human you need to protect. I get to make this decision, and my decision stands. He's got a new life and it doesn't involve me." Bella hadn't mentioned much about the news of Charlie re-marrying. I think she was happy for him, but it was hard to get any emotion out of her when it came to discussing her father.

"Bella, you're wrong about that. He's had a rough go of it," Quil said. "Bloodsucker or not, seeing you will … well …" He smiled, excited at the idea of seeing some joy in Charlie's face.

"No, it won't."

It would take some time for my family to get used to this new Bella. It wasn't that she was ruthless, she was determined. She had been on her own for so long, the only other person she had to worry about was Garrett, so having sixteen people telling her their opinions was going to be hard for her to take. She didn't want to entertain our ideas, and didn't want to hear us out.

Quil and Embry started to protest and Jacob cut them off. "Bella's right," he said. "Seeing her again, knowing she's alive will wreck him. Trust me on that one. You'll never be able to leave his sight again. If you go down to meet this Maria and don't come back? He'll never rest. It will ruin him all over again. It's not fair."

Bella gave Jake a weak smile, grateful for his support and empathy. She looked to me, willing me to understand where she was coming from. "Don't you see? It's better if he doesn't know, not right now. Maybe if we …" she trailed off.

"You're convinced you won't make it back," Esme said what Bella couldn't say. She looked over to Garrett who avoided her eyes, his thoughts matched Bella's. Esme then turned to look at Jasper who gave her a weak smile to which Esme placed a hand over her mouth. Carlisle tried to gather her in his arms but she fought against him and stood up. "He just got her back," she said, looking at each of us, and then she left the room.

Jasper spoke up."Bella has a valid point."

"Okay," I said reluctantly, and kissed Bella's hands. "Whatever your decision is, I stand by it. You're right. Losing you twice would be unbearable."

Carlisle cleared his throat. "We'll keep Bella from the compound, and Jacob, you'll have to do your best to keep anyone, especially Charlie and Seth, from the house. Use the radio if you have to or anything else to warn us someone is coming. Edward will be here to hear anyone coming up the driveway."

"How long do you think you'll stay?" Jacob asked.

"We have some training to do," Carlisle said. "It's been a long time since any of us fought one of our own, and newborns are different. We think we have some time before Maria is mobile. Bella, Garrett and Jasper have agreed to get us ready. But we need to use the house as a base for getting the word out. We need to gather as many old friends as we possibly can. Fourteen is nowhere near enough, even if we find a way to get past Maria's immortal child. She's the key. Once she's destroyed, Bella will be able to have some control over the vampires. Without her powers, we're too outnumbered as we stand. A few of us will leave, to scout out others. We have to ask you to allow more visitors, and we'll promise to keep them away from the compound." Carlisle stood up. "If you'll excuse me, I need to find my wife," he said, and followed the direction Esme went. _Edward, I trust you to sort out the details._

"What kind of training?" Quil asked excitedly. "Isn't it the same?"

"No," Garrett said. "Not these newborns. They'll have the typical strength of a newborn, and they'll use their baser instincts to fight, but these have been essentially "farmed" for battle. They'll fight differently."

Embry and Quil were intrigued by the idea.

"You're welcome to watch," I offered. "It might be a good idea for you to learn how to fight them. Hopefully it will never come to that, but it's worth knowing."

Embry and Quil nodded enthusiastically, and looked to Jacob to answer. "We'd like that, thank you."

"It's settled then," I said.

"We have to get back." Jacob had ordered the pack to keep quiet about what they saw today, but having the others return without the three of them was bound to raise more suspicions.

"Bella," Jacob said quietly as he stood. "I'm real happy to see you again, even if you are a bl—sorry—one of them. I'd hug you, but frankly, you stink." He laughed. It was the first time I'd seen Jacob laugh sincerely. For a moment he was at ease, and for once he didn't think of us as his enemy. There was a far greater enemy now, and he was finally able to distinguish the difference.

.

WE SPENT THE EVENING discussing who would go where and what supplies to bring back with them. It was agreed our family would have to remain behind to avoid any questions from Charlie or the others in the compound. Eleazar's family would dispatch themselves across the country and pick up any leads on the Volturi or any other vampires that would be willing to help. It was hard to know how they would react to the news, some might welcome Maria's world. They'd have to be extremely careful as to who they sought out. Garrett, much to my relief, was going to go with them. Bella was not exactly happy, but she knew I needed to stay, and also knew I wouldn't let her go without me.

It was going to be nice to have the house to just the family again. The seven of us had been on our own for so long, it had been difficult under a crowded roof, especially for me. Having spent a week with Bella on my own, with no voices inside my head had been an unexpected vacation. Being back meant the constant throbbing from all the voices rattling around in my brain was back as well. Over the years I'd learned to block out my family for the most part. It was like I could tune them out once I learned their frequency, but that was years of practice, for others it was harder. I was looking forward to having some peace again.

Almost a week had passed since the others had left and I was standing at the window in Carlisle's office watching the women in my life wash clothes. I grinned, thinking how cliché it was. I waved at them, giving them a thumbs up, and in turn, a wet soapy sock came hurtling toward the window and landed with a 'thwap' before sliding down to the dirt below. I pointed down to the sock and through the glass said, "Looks like you'll have to wash my sock again, Alice."

The only reason they were out there and the rest of us were in here was because of a bet. Life for the most part had resumed some sort of normalcy. We were a family with equal numbers, something we'd never really experienced before. And the girls, well they formed a bond like no other I'd ever seen or could have imagined. Rosalie, Alice and Esme had formed their own protective circle around Bella, and no one, not even me, seemed to be able to break it when it was activated. It became the four of them against the four of us. They were constantly trying to test us, and push our buttons, and we were more than willing to accept their challenges. Their last attempt had landed them with the laundry from the football game. Shoes and all.

"I'm _not_ washing your underwear!" Alice yelled back.

"It's mine or Emmett's. Take your pick." I smiled sweetly at her. "Unless you care to make another wager." My eyebrows were raised in question.

"No!" the other three responded for her.

 _At some point you're going to have to go to the compound,_ Carlisle said to me from his desk.

Turning, I nodded my head, shoving my hands in my pockets. "I'm not sure if I can do it to be honest. I'm not sure if I can be apart from her."

"I know. But Jacob can't keep making excuses for you. Sooner or later, Seth and Charlie will be on our doorstep."

"Well," I said grinning, "if you can get _Blossom_ and her _Powerpuff Girls_ to give me some alone time with Bella, I'd feel better about going."

Carlisle gave me a quizzical look.

"I _knew_ you watched that show!" Emmett said, walking into the room. "You always denied it, but I knew. Good call on the girls." Emmett was taunting them at the window. The girls were yelling back at him, and Rosalie was standing with her hands on her hips looking slightly pissed off with him. "Buttercup always was my fave." He turned around, sticking his backside to the window and continued to goad them. "So, what do you say, Carlisle? Will you talk to Esme so Edward can get his freak on, finally?"

Carlisle cleared his throat and looked down at the book on his desk. "I'll speak to them."

"So, what do you want us to do, Eddie? Want us to leave the house? Where's it going to happen? Pressure's on." He winked. "Want some pointers?"

"Emmett, that's enough," Carlisle said.

I wasn't angry. There was a time when I would have tackled him to the ground, but he was just making an ass of himself and I actually laughed.

"I think I'm good."

"Got it all planned out? Talk to me, virgin boy, what's the plan?"

"Emmett, you're the last person on this earth I'd ever discuss the status of my virginity with."

"I'm crushed."

"Hardly."

"Can you boys take this conversation somewhere else, please? Or change the subject," Carlisle said.

"Alright, fine. I'm leaving. I'm going to go see what Buttercup's up to. All those suds are turning me on." Emmett clapped me on the back and locked eyes with me. _I'm impressed. You would have put me through a wall if I'd made comments like that once upon a time._ He smiled. _She's lucky to have you, Edward,_ he added as he left the room.

I went up to my room, the first time I'd been alone in there since we'd been back. Bella had spent some time up here. She needed some space at times and we all gave it to her. I wasn't sure what she did in here, but there were little things I'd noticed she'd moved, a book, or a CD, or anything else that seemed to hold some meaning for her. I sunk into the couch, resting my head back to stare up at the ceiling. I used to sit up here for hours in this exact same position listening to music at all hours of the night. I hadn't listened to music in awhile. We hardly ran the generator, and turning it on for my stereo was a complete waste. I thought of my piano for the first time since Esme had Emmett move it into the house. I could play. Or could I? I lifted my hands, stretching my fingers out on the imaginary keys. It was instinct that moved my fingers. I could hear the notes, and the melody played in my head as I hit every imaginary note with perfect precision.

"Esme said you haven't played."

I kept my eyes closed, with my head resting against the back of the couch. Slowly dropping my hands, I answered her with a sigh, "No."

I thought of one of her last journal entries. She had desperately tried to hang on to the melody, while all these years I had tried to forget it. There was a long silence between us until I thought she might have gone. I sat up, to find her leaning against the doorjamb, her fingers were playing with her bottom lip. Her eyes narrowed as she lowered her hand and bit her lip pensively. She was watching me like I was her prey. She pushed away from the door and held her hand out.

"Come for a walk with me?"

**2008 -:- Bella's Journal**

_G_ _arrett's with me now._ _A consolation prize for what happened. I wonder how long he'll be able to stay. It's hard to hope for anything in this place. Just when I think I can bear it, everything gets ripped away from me. It seems to be a theme in my life. I was wrong to say I needed to let you go, because then I have nothing but this broken heart from you. I'm going to hold on to you even if you never held on to me. I miss everything about you. I miss hearing you play the piano. I panicked the day I realized I couldn't remember what it sounded like, I only remember how I felt watching you play. The melody is gone. I just want to hear it one last time, and this time I'll never forget it again._

_I've spent what feels like a lifetime with Garrett, and only moments with you, but he's not you. I keep wondering if what I felt when I was with you was real. Maybe I'm believing in something that was never really there. I think Garrett was right though, something did break inside of me when I was changed. It's like my heart turned to stone, solidifying everything about you inside of it._

_I'm back to counting sunrises. It's been forty-one. I'm learning again. I don't have much of a choice in it, but Garrett's here to push me every day. He's been keeping watch over me, and it's him who's helping me get where I need to be. I look at my skin and I'm reminded of Jasper. I'm covered in scars, not to mention my leg that seems to be missing a nice piece of flesh. I'm hideous. So much for hoping to be a beautiful vampire like the women in your family. Hope. There's that ridiculous word again. There's no hope here, and we'll do better to not dwell on it, Garrett says._

_He makes it easier. He makes me smile which is almost impossible in this place, but it's true. I have to love him, Edward. It's all I have._

_.  
_

_I've made some progress today. It seems I haven't lost what I have. Emilia can turn her power on and off just like I can. So, I'm back to training and Garrett's pushing me to get stronger. We were having an argument, and I have to say, he was pissing me off. He wasn't in the right frame of mind, and I stopped him. I did it. It was the same as what I'd done up in the courtyard. It was odd. With this power, it's usually just a protective shell around me, and I can still move and anyone outside of it can move. But this time it held Garrett up against the wall. It was brief, but it happened. We've not been this excited in a long time._

_.  
_

_I finally saw Emilia again. I didn't recognize her at first. I thought Maria had turned another child. She was dressed in a pristine pink dress and her hair was washed, shiny and blonde with little ringlets trailing down her back. Even despite her angelic appearance, her eyes still hold something far darker than anything I've experienced. She's Maria's most prized possession, and she treats her like a royal princess. I've not had to spend any time in her presence, thankfully, just the threat of her presence is enough to keep me in line. Maria still has plans for me, and it's the only thing keeping me and Garrett alive at the moment. Emilia is her windfall, she knows full well Garrett and I would run at the first chance._

_Maria has informed us that our attendance is required for something big tomorrow, which of course means something brutal and bloody, I'm sure._

_.  
_

_I was right. Brutal and bloody. Maria always seems to be one step ahead of us. She has eyes and ears everywhere. Neither Garrett nor I told Maria what I'd achieved the other day. We wanted to keep it our secret, but somehow she knew._

_We had to accompany her and Emilia for the afternoon and we were taken to the one place I'd been hoping to avoid. The pits. I wish I was making all of this up. Like I said before, it's one absurd, elaborate novel and none of this makes sense. I don't know how long she's been building these tunnels and chambers, but this was an underground dwelling that surpassed anything I could've imagined. It was huge, and seemed to go on forever. In the center of it were these columns made from rock, almost making it look like it had four corners. Maria told us her intention was to enclose it so it was some kind of cage, but she hadn't found the right material for it yet. It finally clicked for me. She was creating an arena. There were handfuls of vampires below, and they almost seemed lost in the vastness of it all. I'd never seen them before, but it didn't look like they were strangers to this place, almost as though they'd been down here for years._

_Maria yelled out something to a couple of them and they immediately pushed aside a rock that was covering the entrance to another tunnel. It was filled with humans, and they dragged them out one by one. All shapes, sizes, race and creed._

" _Meet the new recruits," Maria said smiling at me. "See anyone you like? They're the new prospects."_

" _But they're human."_

" _For now."_

" _Maria you can't—"_

" _What did we say about that word?" Maria snapped, glaring at me._

" _What are you going to do?" I asked._

" _Emilia was getting bored, weren't you, sweetheart?" She stroked the child's head. "We're going to have a little fun." The vampires pushed all of the humans to the center of the rock formations. "Each of you has expressed an interest in becoming like us," she yelled out so the humans could hear her. "But that comes with a price. Only the ones truly worthy of this honor will be granted immortality. You must prove yourselves, my little humans. I only take the strongest, the most cunning_ _…_ _the best." Her voice rang through the cavern and it reverberated up my spine causing me to shiver. "To the death!" she yelled raising her arms as though she was some kind of dictator._

_My mouth dropped in revulsion as her words sunk in. I started to move, but Garrett grabbed me by the arm holding me in place._

" _Don't. There's nothing you can do to save them," he said. All I could do was look at him, begging him to help me stop this insanity. He held firm to my arm, but wouldn't look at me._

 _A few seconds passed, the humans were just as shocked as I was. They stood still, wondering if what they'd heard was correct. A man, who was almost a foot taller than the rest, was the first to move. His fist connected with the man next to him, and chaos followed. There were screams and shouts and people started running. The vampires positioned themselves around the ring and were there to make sure no one escaped. They pushed them back, smiling and laughing at the humans' desperate pleas to let them through. '_ The horror,' _was the only thought repeating in my head. Desperate men do desperate things. I couldn't watch, I couldn't listen, I placed my hands over my ears trying to block out the sounds. Emilia stood beside me and continued to watch with a child's curiosity, like she was watching a performance. She was smiling and clapping._

_I pressed my palms harder to my ears and had to bend down to keep myself from watching. I felt Garrett's hands on my back, trying to soothe me, but it was no use. The fire was back, burning brightly in the depths of my stomach. It spread, rising along my spine until it reached the tips of my fingers and the tips of my toes._

" _Enough!" I yelled, straightening up. The fire pushed out and I felt it leave my body, traveling down toward the madness. The vampires were thrown up against the walls of the cavern, being held against their will. The humans stopped, confused by what they were seeing and the room was silent._

" _You think I didn't know?" Maria said laughing. "You think I don't know what happens down here? I know everything. If you weren't going to show me this new development, I'd find a way to make you."_

_This display was all for me. My heart sank and the vampires dropped to the ground._

" _You can't hide anything from me," she said with a snarl on her face. "You have nothing unless I give it to you."_

" _Please, don't do this," I said, sweeping my arm in the direction of the humans. "No one deserves to die like that."_

" _You still think of them as equals," she mused. "They are nothing more than cattle. Look at them! Pathetic. You think they're so righteous? That they deserve better than this? They turned on each other within seconds. They are weak!" she yelled at them and then turned back to me. "I see how you look at me. You think I'm evil, don't you? That I have no soul? Darling, Phoenix_ _…_ _there's no such thing as a soul. We come from them." She pointed to the humans, bloodied and beaten below us. "Does it look like any of them have a soul? We are connected to man, and the true nature of man has a darkness in him that is far greater than anything we could ever do. It wasn't our kind who destroyed the world. They gave it up, they didn't want it anymore, and so I'll gladly take it."_

" _You're sick," I spat out. "You're wrong."_

" _Then tell me, what have you seen in this godforsaken world that would tell me otherwise?"_

_I wanted to scream and lash out at her, tell her I'd seen many things to contradict her; I was ready to spill it all. How vampires could co-exist in a human world, how they did have souls, but I felt Garrett's hand gently touch my arm, warning me to stop. No matter what I'd say, it would never be enough. She had gone beyond all reasoning, she truly had gone mad. She was the darkness and I had to stay within the light._

" _We all have a potential for evil," she said so callously, "it's just a matter of defining what evil is."_

_Maria didn't make us stay to watch. She warned me that some of the survivors would be my new opponents, but I couldn't even process what she had said._

_.  
_

_I am defeated. There's nothing left. She is always ahead of us, no matter what we try to do. I'm terrified she'll find this journal, but I can't let it go, because that would mean letting you go. You're my light in all this darkness, but I'm slowly sinking. I'm suffocating down here, which is ironic now that my lungs don't need the air. It's getting harder with every sunrise not to give in to her, and I'm afraid one day I'll see the sky through that hole up above and I won't care anymore. I'm afraid that if I do make it out of here, I won't be whole, that a part of me will be lost down here forever. I keep searching for your melody to remind myself that I will never be like her, but maybe none of that was real._

.

I HAD BEEN THINKING about that journal entry for the duration of our walk. The last entries had been the hardest to read. She had all but given up hope and just knowing she was going through that while I was living and breathing the air that she so desperately longed for was difficult to take. She tried to reassure me she'd written those entries a long time ago and things had been different for some time, but I couldn't help wonder how different it really had been. There were only a few entries after that one, and years had passed since she picked it up again. Garrett had been instrumental in her survival and I tried hard not to think about it. It wouldn't do any of us any good to dwell on that. A lot had happened.

I think I knew where she wanted to go even though she hadn't said as much, and the idea of why we were going there had my head spinning. We hadn't spoken; we only walked hand in hand, seeking out our destination in silence. We could have run, but instead we chose to take our time. It was late in the afternoon and the sun was setting, hiding behind the clouds. Bella had only been here a few times, and I doubted she remembered the way. Nothing was recognizable, apart from the small stream we followed alongside of for a while. It was late October, and what little leaves were left on the young trees seemed to wave at us from their branches. The only sound was the crunching of the deadfall below our feet, even the wind had stilled for us. The air was clear and crisp like I always associated it with this time of year. It was warmer though, warmer than it should have been and nothing was as it seemed. I knew this place like I knew my own hands, or how I knew the heartbeat that was once Bella's. This place was ingrained in me even if it did seem foreign right now. As we walked closer, I could feel her apprehension, and her grip on my hand tightened. The meadow as we both remembered it wasn't going to exist. I hoped she wouldn't be too disappointed.

We pushed through the last of the brush and stood at the edge looking out at the clearing where in the fading light, it seemed to almost glow. I thought it was my eyes playing tricks, but the meadow was there … alive. Scattered across the field were light purple flowers mixed with shades of green and brown.

"Wh-what?" Bella looked at me, confused by the wildflowers.

I looked at the meadow with equal astonishment. I had to think for a moment before I could muster up something to say. Overwhelmed, my voice finally connected with my head. "They're a type of Aster. Usually they only bloom 'til September, but …"

"How is it possible?"

Truthfully, I didn't know. But maybe it was real, what we had. Even if it was only a few short months we spent together, it wasn't something that we had glorified in our heads. It wasn't our imaginations holding on to something in our memories. I took her in my arms, understanding exactly what this meant.

"I believe it now," I said, and bent down to place my mouth on hers.

"It was all real," she whispered against my lips. I held her in my arms for some time, the two of us kissing every so often. We'd stop and look at our surroundings and then we'd come back to more kissing and relishing in the feel of each other until it wasn't enough. I wanted her with a fierceness that physically hurt.

The emotion rushed through me and the calmness of the moment before was gone, an urgency existed between us now. Making no attempt to suppress the feeling, I tore at my clothes and then helped her with hers. I pulled at her shirt, ripping the collar in a desperate attempt to lift it over her head. Once she was free of it, my eyes shifted over her taking her in. I took a step back to really see her for the first time. My eyes started at her toes, and hungrily roamed upward, but stopped at the back of her calf. I bent down and gingerly caressed the spot where she'd been attacked. She let out a deep sigh as I placed my lips across her skin. My fingers trailed over the mangled flesh and that's when I saw all of the other bites. Her body was covered with them and all I wanted to do was touch every one of them. She'd expressed in her journal how she hoped she would have been beautiful and her disappointment that she wasn't. But she was beautiful, every bit of her. The scars were who she was, strong, independent and she was a survivor. Bella had always been those things, even as a human.

"You're beautiful," I whispered against her thigh, and I felt her tremble underneath my fingers. I trailed my cheek along her skin, and across her belly while I slowly stood up. My nose came to the bottom of her breasts and my eyes rested on a long leather necklace that hung between them. A light, grey, roughed-edged stone rested on her breastbone. I wouldn't have paid it much attention, but something about the way she moved to protect it from me made me forget everything else. I hesitated, my hand hovering over it for a second having never seen it or felt it under her clothes before.

"What is this?"

She grasped it between her fingers and put it to her lips. "Esme gave it to me."

My hands were slightly shaking as I reached for it, holding it between my own fingers to get a better look. "Wh-what is this from?" My stomach sank, already knowing where it had come from.

"She told me," she said, covering her hands over mine, and kissing my knuckles. "She told me about Chicago, the part you chose to leave out."

My heart was fighting a battle between shame and sadness. I had never intended Bella to hear that story and she must have known from my expression. She went on to explain Esme's intentions behind it. How Esme and Carlisle had taken a piece of my wall with them the day we left Chicago. They'd kept it from me all this time. It was private, a reminder of what I'd lost and what the two of them had almost given up. That wall forced them to realize their love was the only thing safe and constant in this new world. They'd taken that piece so they'd never forget again.

I wasn't sure what I was feeling and for a split second I'd wished Jasper was here to tell me what it was. The only way I could describe it was tremendous peace. I'd written Bella's death on that wall and I'd never forgiven myself for it.

She raised her hands, settling them on my chest, soothing me. "Edward, it's all right. I know." Her hands lifted my head and she kissed me softly again and again. The weight of the world I'd carried all these years that seemed to blacken my soul, had finally lifted. I hadn't been aware it was still here after all this time. I thought it had left back in the cabin when I first laid eyes on Bella, but I was wrong. It was now I was finally free.

I felt her skin against mine and I was brought back to the reality of where we were and what we were about to do. I dropped the necklace and stared at it for a moment. It was all a dream, at least it felt like one even though that piece of stone told me it wasn't. She was here. She loved me. I had been waiting for someone to love me all of my life, but Bella wasn't anyone. She was the reason I still existed. I'd been waiting for her, and nothing anyone could have told me would have prepared me for this moment. After a hundred odd years, I thought I would be ready, but no one told me about the trembling hands I'd have or the aching inside when I glanced upon her body. She was a mirage of sorts, seeming to shimmer in the fading light and I had to hold on to her to make sure she was real. I lifted my hands to her face and we both smiled as they quivered against her cheeks. I was terrified, because for once, I wasn't in control. She was perfect in every possible way … perfect for me, and I was at her mercy.

"I love you," she whispered between each kiss that graced my skin. She gripped my arms, and I marveled at her boldness as she pulled me down into the grass. She lay naked below me, her skin damp from the grass and sparkling in the setting sun that was peeking from behind the clouds. Her eyes were warm and trusting and for an instant I saw only brown, not the unfamiliar red that gazed back when I looked at her. This was the image I would recall for the rest of my days. This exact feeling would happen only once and I wanted to relish in this memory. I shut my eyes, breathing her in so I would remember this for as long as we both lived.

"Please … love me," she said, her words speaking volumes. And I was loving her, my lips moving over hers, smelling the sweetness of her breath and my hands were urgent once again, trying to gather her up all at once. "No more waiting," she said, placing her hand down to guide me into her, and then I was there, inside. Our eyes met and I knew I would have waited a thousand more lifetimes for this moment.

"Are you okay?" she whispered. I paused, unsure if I really was. She shifted slightly under me and I was brought back to the present. All the aches and pains and weariness of my heart were gone, and this was real. She rose up, pressing her hands into my lower back, urging me closer, prompting me to move. It was slow at first, and then grew with an intensity neither one of us were surprised by. When she cried out, her body arched beneath me, it wasn't long before I followed. A blinding white light passed over me, like a wave of pure rapture. We were quiet once more. We lay perfectly silent, perfectly still. It was unlike anything I could have imagined or could have been prepared for, and now that I'd experienced it, I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to leave this spot. I would never have this again, at least not like this, not this first time. Here, we were one. With her in my arms, my body covering hers, love was alive in this meadow.


	31. Enough is Enough

**CHAPTER 30**

**-:- Enough is Enough -:-**

* * *

**2008 -:- Bella's Journal**

I _'ve been given a cage. Maria finds it quite humorous it's required, but unfortunately it is. Garrett's killed three prospects in the last week. Emilia has taken a liking to watching us train, which means the prospects think they can challenge me, which they can. They attack for no reason other than I live, and Garrett's been forced to defend me. Maria's tired of trying to find replacements, so while I'm not here in this cavern, I'm forced to sit inside a cage. It's not like it does anything, if they wanted to break through they could. The bars are simply a reminder "I'm hands off." It's humiliating, like I'm an exhibit in a freak show. If anything it creates a bigger target on my back. At least Garrett's pushed up the need for my fight training. We only work on the combat stuff, there's no point on the other stuff. Maria seems to know exactly what we're always up to and we haven't figured out how yet._

_At least it's breaking up the doldrums of the days. Between my new combat skills and my power, I'm finally getting the hang of this vampire thing. As long as Emilia isn't around I can hold my own. The devil child hates me, and I understand why. It's my fault she is what she is. I'm sure it doesn't help that Maria poisons her with lies. She needs Emilia to hate me, it's the only way to keep me in line._

_Isaac tells me there is a vamp close to Maria who 'hears' things. He thinks this is how she knows what Garrett and I have been up to. He's a little man, Isaac says, like him but not dark-skinned. Maria was going to destroy him, but he heard her plans and tried to escape. Hope got the better of me and even though the description of the man made it impossible to believe, I still had to ask if he could read minds. Isaac says no, he 'listens' whatever that means. It's hard to get anything straight from him, he talks in riddles. I need to find out more about this vampire and what he means to Maria and what it means for me and Garrett._

_.  
_

_I went on a raid. Maria wanted me to experience one. I was apprehensive about the idea of leaving Garrett behind, but I had no choice. She knew we'd try to run as soon as we got to the surface. She also knew I wouldn't leave without him. Wherever he is_ _…_ _is where I need to be. He stayed and I went, along with Emilia and a number of Maria's followers._

_We ran through the night, under the cover of darkness, but I could still see what the world had become. It was cold, not like it should have been this far south. As far as I knew, we were still in Texas, or what was left of it anyway. I didn't know what month it was, but everywhere I looked it was grey. There was snow on the ground, or least what I thought was snow. It wasn't white, but it was cold and it crunched underneath my bare feet like snow. I wasn't sure what was more disturbing, the color of the it or the fact that there was snow in a place there never should have been. The air was crisp and cool, but stale. There was an acrid tang to it, but anything was better than what I'd been smelling for all of this time._

_We ran for a few hours, and there were fights and a few tussles along the way. Maria didn't seem to care about the fighting, she only laughed at the dropping numbers, happy to be rid of the weak ones. By the time we came upon a settlement just after midnight, our numbers had halved._

_A perimeter was built around the settlement with signs posted every few feet warning visitors away. They claimed they would 'shoot first and ask questions later' if anyone looked suspicious. I wonder if everyone in this new world automatically looked suspicious and how did they distinguish the difference. I feel like I'm forgetting what the world used to be like. I still want to believe Charlie is at home, sitting in his chair, watching a basketball game. I can't picture him in this world, or any of the people from Forks. In the caves, I can suspend the belief, but up here it's impossible. Is it like this for them as well? This is all that comes to mind._

_From our vantage point we could see guards on duty near the gate. They couldn't see us, but we could see the guns they carried, not that it would make any difference what they were carrying. The wind carried the death and decay in the air. This settlement was afflicted with some kind of disease. It could be anything, really, but I assumed it was the same as what some of the humans contracted in the pits. Dysentery, cholera, influenza_ _…_ _the world's slipped so far back to a time even before you._

_Maria made it clear she didn't want to bring back any of the sick and risk infecting our food source or the others she still wanted to test. She's been rationing the humans, like one would grain. Starving her workers or making them share. I wonder how far she will go to protect her food source. There were rumors she was taking more women than the men from the settlements. I shuddered, imagining what she was capable of trying to maintain it. I couldn't take part in this. She could drag me with her, but I wouldn't participate._

" _Phoenix!" she called me forward and I saw the little vampire beside her. He was Isaac's height, and I hadn't noticed him until now. He was somewhat non-descript and I could see why Garrett and I had never noticed him before. He seemed to blend into the background even despite his size. He was quiet with a pensive look on his face, like he was 'listening' which I suppose that's what he was doing. His hands moved quickly, making gestures, and Maria's smile grew._

" _Perfect," she said to him, and then turned her attention back to me. "I want you to approach the gate with Emilia in your arms." She was stroking the child's long blonde hair, wrapping her fingers in the curls. "You'll play the part. Lost mother with a child and you will convince them to let you in. Only the guards and a few others are awake, it should be easy, no questions. And when the gates open 'll turn them loose." She swept her arm over the dozen or so vampires behind her, aching for blood._

" _Who is that?" I pointed to the little man next to her._

_She looked surprised for a moment than grabbed his arm pushing him forward. "Phoenix? You've never met Thomas?" She knew I hadn't, there wasn't anything she didn't know. "I believe he's met you. Or it would seem that way, wouldn't it, Thomas?" She caressed his cheek and brought her mouth to his ear. She stuck out her tongue and licked along the outer rim. She started to laugh again. "He knows all of your secrets, don't you, Thomas?"_

_He didn't smile, in fact he was expressionless, like he was in a trance of some sort. I suppose being that close to Maria would cause anyone to shut down._

" _It's a shame he's a mute. He has no tongue!" She forced open his mouth so I could see where someone must have cut out his tongue while he was still human. "_ They _did this to him. Those people in that settlement! He was caught stealing food for his people across the way." She pointed to the horizon. "They took his tongue and fed it to him." She was glaring at me down the length of her nose. "Still think humans have souls? That they are worthy of saving?"_

_My stomach was sick. I had no way of knowing if she was telling me the truth. It was too horrific to think it was, but the way Thomas was standing, listening to the exchange with nothing not even hatred in his eyes made me almost believe it was._

" _What can he do?"_

" _He can hear things at great distances. Through cavern walls deep underground." She was glaring at me, smirking and then it became clear. Thomas was the spy. He heard everything Garrett and I had ever talked about. This was how Maria was one step ahead of us. The rage inside of me started to boil. My only thought was Thomas needed to be destroyed which was a new feeling for me. I'd only felt this about Maria before, never anyone else, and it frightened me a little._

" _You don't need me for this," I said. "You don't need the ruse, just rip down the gate."_

" _Now where would be the fun in that? How would I get to see how pathetic and trusting these humans are? I want to see the betrayal cross their faces when we storm through the gates. Besides, we have to keep our secret don't we?" She was mocking me now, laughing at my expense. "We can't very well rip gates off hinges, how would that be humanly possible?" The other vampires laughed with her. "You'll carry this 'sick, crying' child and you'll beg them for their help."_

" _No."_

" _You know how I feel about that word coming from you. You'll do it or I'll slaughter every one of them inside and turn every one of their children to be like her." Emilia's red eyes glared back and me, and I let out an involuntary shudder._

" _You can't keep threatening me like this."_

" _Fine," she said and waved her hand. "I'm tired of arguing with you. Do it and I'll only take the strongest of men and women. I'll spare the children, along with the old and the sick."_

_I had no doubt she would follow through with her threats if I defied her. My only hope was that she'd do what she said and spare the children. But hope is cruel and untrusting._

_I did what she asked. I played the part and I tricked the sentries to open the gate. Emilia and I were admitted inside, and before the gates could be closed again, Maria and a few of her vampires slipped inside. I thought it was going to be a true raid, one filled with smoke and flames and screams that would pierce the night air. I was hoping there would be chaos, enough so that I might see what Thomas was made of. I couldn't have him around, it was as simple as that. But I shouldn't have been surprised by Maria, she never did what I thought. They had slipped in unnoticed and were lurking in the shadows. She would take what she needed while everyone slept. She was clever to keep the mystery, nothing more than ghost stories people could share around a campfire at night._

_From the corner of my eye I watched Thomas slink away from the others. Emilia was still in my arms, with her eyes closed like she was sleeping. I passed her to the human, begging him to take her, telling him I couldn't carry her anymore. I'd lost track of Maria and the others, Emilia and I were the distraction while they went to work, and now my only thought was of Thomas. I asked the man where I could relieve myself and he pointed to a row of outhouses along the back of the gated perimeter. He handed me a torch so I could find my way and told me he'd take the little one to the makeshift hospital they had._

_I headed in the direction he pointed and then deviated to where I saw Thomas go, following him along the opposite side of where the outhouses were. I found him on his knees in front of a large flat stone, with carvings, and when I took a closer look I realized it was covered in names. His fingers traced the edges of a woman's name. I hadn't surprised him, he heard me coming obviously, and when he stood to look at me, his face was expressionless once again._

_I asked him who she was, while I pushed the end of the torch into the dirt. He did nothing that would indicate he understood me. Instead, he bent to his knees again, and started playing with the dirt. He made swift movements and then stood up again. I leaned over to get a closer look and written in the dirt were two words. "Kill me."_

" _I can't do that." He nodded his head vigorously and it was the first time I saw any emotion from him. "I can't." He nodded again and pointed to me and then to the dirt. His eyes shifted to the flat stone for a brief moment, but I saw it. I didn't know his story, and I didn't have time to hear it. They would be looking for us soon. I would like to think this woman was his wife or maybe even his daughter and he no longer wished to live in this wretched world without her. The truth was, I didn't want to know his story and I never would. I understood why he was asking me to kill him. Maria would always use him as her pawn just as she uses me. I would want someone to end my life as well, but the difference between me and Thomas was that I still had a purpose on this earth and I wouldn't give up until I was finished. Once I killed Maria, I wouldn't care what happened to me._

_He pointed one last time at the dirt and then he raised his arms out to the side waiting for me, his face was nothing less than stoic. There was no time for thinking, I could hear the screams begin from the town's people being woken in the dead of night. I stepped forward placing my hands on either side of his head. Everything I was feeling was gone—all emotions were pushed aside. I took a deep breath, because that seemed like the right thing to do and I pressed my palms firmly to his ears and I twisted. It sounded like a tree trunk splitting in two as his head came away from the rest of his body. I dropped it as he slumped to the ground. He was the first vampire I killed. I felt nothing. There was no remorse, and it terrified me._

" _Burn him." I heard her voice behind me. I should've known she wouldn't be far. Picking up the torch, I did what she said and dropped it on his body and watched as the flames took hold. I didn't turn around, I didn't need to. I knew I would pay for this._

" _So, it seems you are capable of killing," she said. "He was useful to me. Problematic for you, I suppose." Maria's indifference made me realize she didn't care about any of us. We were all expendable no matter how useful we were. I would do better to remember that._

" _That's your freebie," she said. Then I felt two sets of hands grab me around my arms to drag me away._

_The people of the settlement paid for my defiance._

_She took the strong, along with their children. She left the old and the dying, and the people who couldn't fend for themselves. This settlement and everyone in it was as good as dead, and I'd help kill them all._

_.  
_

_I don't want to write anymore. The things I've seen and been forced to do since that first raid are not something I ever wish to relive, so I won't put it to paper. I've given up writing in here, but Garrett tries his best to encourage me. I asked him again why he's so adamant I continue. The last time I'd asked him this, he told me it was so I didn't forget, which now I wish I could. So this time, he just looked at me with a grave expression and simply said, "To exist."_

_And I get it. I'm going to die down here, and maybe Garrett knows this. I'm not leaving until I kill her or she kills me. That's just how it's going to be. There's nothing for me up above, this is all there is. I'm responsible for Emilia, she is my burden, my penance, and I won't leave until I've resolved what I've done._

_I'm no longer the girl you knew. Even if you thought you loved me back then, that girl is gone. She's dead. If this journal ever lands in your hands, I hope you can learn from it and protect yourselves from what's coming. I have only one wish, and if you ever had any feelings for me at all you'll grant me this one last thing. If my father is alive_ _…_ _if he survived and still breathes, find him before Maria does. I have no doubt of Maria's intentions. She'll spread her evil and take advantage of the world being in chaos. Promise me, Edward, if Charlie is alive, I beg you to do whatever it takes so he'll never have to know this life. I'd rather my father was dead than know this exists. That we exist._

**2016 -:- Present Day**

It was awkward at first … after. I was insecure, but luckily she was too. It took us some time before either of us spoke, almost to the point where I thought we would never speak again. Instead, we lay on our backs watching the stars, and I was desperate to know what was going through her head. All my doubts and fears returned, and I couldn't bring myself to do or say anything. It was Bella who rolled over and placed her hand on my cheek. She was the one who kissed me and laid her body on top of mine. We still hadn't spoken, but for some reason words were not needed just yet.

It was late into the night when we eventually broke our silence. I was lying with my head resting on my hand and the other hand was busy trailing my fingers over her stomach. Bella was talking about food for some reason, reminiscing about what she missed. I never wanted to leave this place. Here, I felt invincible, like I could protect her from anything and she would let me. She was vulnerable in my arms, and although I loved the strong woman she had become, here I felt like she needed me more than I needed her. It did my heart good to see her smiling and laughing again. She was broken and scarred, we both were, but there was something about this place that let us be ourselves. There were no judgments being passed here, and no room for ruminating. We'd made it through our dark days, and our world would come crashing down soon enough, so for now it was our time for celebration.

"Is there anything else you miss?" I wanted to catch up on everything about her. There were so many little things I longed to know, I felt like we should be playing 'twenty questions' all over again.

"I never thought I'd say this, but I wish we could sleep," Bella said. "That's about the only thing I've ever really missed. Just to be able to shut down for a little bit."

"Really? That's what you miss?" My hand stopped tracing circles over her skin. I placed my hand flat on her stomach, briefly wondering if there was something else she missed or regretted. I glanced at her belly and wondered if she'd ever thought about being a mother. "I never would've thought that would be what you missed."

She looked from my hand to my eyes. "No," she whispered. "Never." I nodded, understanding and frowned at her loss. She turned to her side and put her hand over mine. "Not in this world."

I smiled despite the pain I was feeling for her. That was the part of her life I'd hoped she would have. My leaving was supposed to give her that, but it was stolen from her. I saw her head shake ever so slightly, silently pleading to let it go. We stayed like that for a few breaths, just staring into each other's eyes, and then I gave in. I let her reminisce about the nights in her bedroom instead.

"I can't remember what it's like to wake up in your arms. It's one of those human memories that's a little fuzzy. I remember it happening, just not what it felt like."

"I think those nights benefited me more than they did you. My skin wasn't exactly the softest or warmest place to rest your head. I will miss your talking though."

"Don't remind me."

"The only insight I had into what you were thinking." I gently tapped her temple and smiled again as I bent to kiss her. "I _feel_ like I could sleep for a year. You've exhausted me." I flopped back down beside her in the grass looking up at the starry sky. The clouds had moved on and for once luck was on our side and it hadn't rained.

"Me? You're the one with a hundred years of pent up frustration," she said laughing, and rolled over throwing her arm around me. She wriggled her eyebrows suggestively.

It was late into the night and we had definitely made up for the missing ten years. I really was exhausted and actually hungry, truly hungry. It was like all this time I had never really been satiated, and now I needed to feed my body in more than just one way. "I need to hunt." I groaned, not really wanting to move.

"You're going to have to give me your shirt since you've ruined mine. I'm not about to go running through these woods naked."

I thought about that image for a moment…

"Stop." She slapped me on the chest.

"Fine, you can have my shirt," I said, smiling that she knew what I'd been thinking. "Maybe you could leave the pants here?"

She rolled over so she was sitting on top of me. All I could do was grunt as she dug her hands into my chest. I raised my hands in defeat, giving into her.

"You can't keep up with me."

I thought about a witty response, but all that came out was one simple word. "No."

She smiled down at me, leaning in to kiss me, and at the last moment she turned her head to the side and mumbled something against my neck.

"Hmm?" I asked, my eyelids half closing. She raised her head to meet my eyes.

"Was it … you know …"

I could have sworn I saw her blush and felt the heat rising on her cheeks, which I knew was impossible, but the unabashed Bella from earlier was gone. I answered again with one simple word. "More." I rolled over, carrying her with me until I had her pinned underneath me with her hands above her head. "So much more," I whispered. "I always knew it would be."

She didn't like the sudden movement, I saw the brief glimpse of panic in her eyes while I held her down. She asserted herself, and quickly turned us over so we were on our sides. I should've known better, and I was about to apologize, but then the moment passed and she was smiling again. _Time_ _…_ Carlisle's words echoed in my head.

She took her hand and ran it through my hair gripping it in her fingers. "No matter what's happened or what's going to happen, it will always be you, Edward."

"So … it was…" I raised my eyebrows in question, unable to finish the sentence.

"Yes," she whispered, resting her head against my shoulder and I felt her breath on my neck. She inhaled deeply which caused me to chuckle.

"You're smelling me again."

"I am not."

"It's okay," I said, wrapping my arm around her, grabbing a fistful of hair, and breathing in her different, yet, familiar scent. "I missed this, too."

"Come on, let's get you fed." She reached for my shirt, throwing it over her head as she jumped up to get her surroundings. I slowly followed, feeling like I was the one who'd fallen off a cliff rather than Emmett. I was a new man, in more ways than just the obvious. The guilt was gone. I really was free. She'd forgiven me, even though she said there was nothing to forgive, but now I believed her.

"Edward?"

The alarm in her voice got me moving quicker. I was at her side, instinct pushing her behind me, and looked to where she was pointing. She mocked me and my protectiveness, moving out from behind body. In the middle of the meadow was a duffel bag. I rolled my eyes, while I put on my jeans.

"What is it?" she asked.

"What do you think?" I walked toward it, and bent down to open it. Inside was a change of clothes for both of us and a large striped, wool blanket with a note attached.

"Alice."

"Of course," I said, handing her the note.

She opened it and read it aloud. " _Make good use of it. Love, Jasper and Alice_." She dropped her hand and shook her head. "We really can't get away from them, can we?"

"Never."

"Well, here's that blanket you wanted." She spread it out on the ground and stood in the middle of it. She held the hem of my shirt that was resting mid-thigh in her fingers, and slowly started to raise it up, taunting me with the smoothness of her skin. "You sure you want to hunt?"

I quickly shed my pants and tackled her to the blanket … that other hunger would have to wait.

.

"WHERE'S YOUR HEAD AT?" she said, breaking the silence of the early morning.

"You mean, now that you've had your way with me?" I said with one eye open and a smirk.

She nudged me with her elbow. "You know what I mean."

"I have no words. It's just a mess of thoughts up here." I tapped my head.

"Give me something, anything."

"Oh, look who wants to talk now." She rolled her eyes at me and tried to push away from me, but I held her firmly in my arms. I'd found my favorite spot on her again, and my fingers starting tracing lines near her navel. "I'm wondering why you've forgiven me," I said.

She hadn't been expecting that, I felt her stomach muscles tense underneath my hand. "Forgive you?"

"Yes, forgive me." I laid down on my back looking up at the sky again and to the fading stars.

"Edward, is that what you think?" She moved so she was right in my eye line. "It's not about forgiveness, it never was. Sure, maybe at one point I possibly wanted to hurt you like you'd hurt me," she laughed, "but that was a long time ago. Where I was, what I went through was not your fault."

"A part of it was."

"Stop it."

"Bella," I reached for her hand and brought it to my lips, "I'm going to give you Maria. I want to be the one to give you that peace. I won't rest until I do. Even if we fail as a whole, I won't fail in that. This is my promise to you."

"I don't want your promise," she said, pushing away from me, and this time I let her go.

"You can't tell me otherwise."

"Then you'll die trying. Is that what you want?"

"For you, yes."

"I don't want a martyr."

"Neither do I."

"Edward, you don't underst—"

"I _do_ understand. I know you and I know you're still thinking of how you can offer yourself up to her for a chance at her. It's written everywhere in your journal, and I can't imagine you've changed in that decision. I know you think it has to be you. You feel responsible, well so do I." She was sitting with her back to me, and I reached out to caress her, but she flinched away from my touch. "Promise me," I said. "Promise we do this together. I have no right, I know, but I'm asking anyway. Don't take this away from me." I moved to sit up, angling my body around hers, but still giving her the space she needed. "I can't stop you from leaving, and I won't stop you, but I'm asking you not to. We're stronger together." I cleared my throat and waited, and the sounds of the early dawn filled the silence until eventually I whispered, "After this, there's no going back for me. You may not want to hear this, but you're mine, Bella, and where you go, I go, even if you turn me away."

She didn't react to my words, instead she sat still, thinking and this was the one time I was glad I wasn't able to read her thoughts. I couldn't bear to hear the rejection if that's what it was. Eventually she turned her head slightly so she could see me out of the corner of her eye.

"Do you know how hard it was for me to leave?" she whispered, her back was stiff and she looked like she was ready to take off for the trees. "I'm the one who made Emilia what she is and all the other children."

"No, you didn't. Maria turned them."

"It might as well have been me. It wasn't my venom, but Emilia's what she is because of me. It _does_ have to be me. I'm responsible." She paused for a moment and picked at the brown grass on the blanket. "I would've stayed, but she was going to kill him. If Jasper would've listened and gone on his own, I never would have left." She put her head down in her hands. "I'd still be down there."

My heart broke for her all over again. I put my arms around her and pulled her closer to me and she let me, relaxing into my chest. She reached her hand up, grabbing the backside of my neck and squeezed hard, holding on to it for a minute as though she was weighing a difficult decision.

"I never would have had this," she said under her breath. "I never would have _known_ you. And I've wanted to know you, what feels like my whole life. You can't understand how this all feels to me. I've lived the last ten years in hell thinking how I felt about you was a lie, that I'd dreamt it up. If I'd stayed, I'd still be living that lie." She released her grip and turned in one swift movement. She pushed us back onto the blanket and moved so she was hovering over me. Her body lay along the length of mine and her eyes were wide. She was searching for something and we stared at each other while she sought out whatever she was looking for. After some time, she seemed satisfied enough and then whispered, "Always you." She pushed herself against me, and it was an involuntary groan that left my lips. "It's not about my forgiveness, Edward. We make decisions and sometimes they're the wrong ones, but they're ours to make. I never needed to forgive you, you needed to forgive yourself. Just as I'll have to do the same for the things I've done." She traced my lips with her fingers. "Please understand I can't make that promise to you. I don't know what's going to happen, I may have to leave." She placed one finger over my mouth as though she expected me to protest. "What I can promise is that I'll never turn you away. I'm yours, you're mine. I know this now. If it's marriage—if that's what you want, I'll marry you, Edward. Can you at least accept that?" She pushed herself against me and my eyes rolled back in my head. She had me at her mercy again and she knew it. She held the cards, she always had.

"Yes," I breathed out, agreeing with her. And not because of what was about to happen again, but because I knew this was as good as I would get from Bella. I would let her make her own decisions. I never could control her and that was the mistake I had made all those years ago thinking I could. I'd played my hand and now she was trumping mine. She was a stronger player than me. She always was.

"Hunting will have to wait some more."

.

WE SPENT THE NEXT two days alone in our meadow, just us, catching up on lost years. We didn't run into any of the wolves—I wondered if Jacob had commanded the others to stay away from this general area—but more importantly, we didn't run into any of the family. It was peaceful. Only the two of us, relaxed and at ease with one another. Toward the end of the second day, we started getting restless. We knew this was a false sense of peace. There was so much to do and get ready for, our precious time alone had to come to an end. It was time to go back and face the future that was waiting for us.

We were hand in hand, walking back to the house when Bella's hand gripped mine, squeezing it firmly.

"I smell human blood," she said, stopping at the edge of the creek. I smelled it too, and tuned into the minds in the house. It was late, well past midnight, there was no way any of the people from the compound would still be at the house. It was the reason we decided to come back at this late hour, but we had been wrong. Seth and Charlie were inside. I saw from Carlisle's mind that Charlie was there for one purpose: answers. He wasn't leaving until he got them. They'd been sitting there for hours waiting for my return. Charlie wouldn't let anyone leave the house, afraid they were going to warn me away. He was suspicious of my whereabouts, and what I'd been doing since Jasper's return. Having known my intentions and thoughts of self-destruction before I left, a small part of him even wondered if I was alive and my family was keeping my death from him.

Regretfully, I knew our 'honeymoon,' so to speak, was officially over. We'd temporarily forgotten about our responsibilities. Reality was back, and time was up with Charlie. For a brief moment, I was afraid he might have known what I'd been doing with his daughter for the last two days, but that idea was absurd and I quickly shook it off, laughing a little.

"What? Who's in there?"

"It's your father."

"Charlie's here!"

"Yeah," I chuckled and ran my fingers through my hair.

"What does he want?"

I turned her to face me and held her hands, giving her an earnest look. "He wants me to answer for violating his daughter these past few days. He has a shotgun and everything." Her eyes went wide and I started to laugh.

"This isn't funny."

"The look on your face is."

She folded her arms waiting for me to stop laughing at her expense. "What does he really want?"

"Answers. Looks like he's not leaving until he gets them."

"You know where I stand on that."

"I understand why you don't want to see him, I do. But I also know that some of the things you wrote in that journal you didn't mean." Her head was down so I couldn't see her face, so I lifted her chin. "Don't you want to see him?"

"It's better if I don't."

"He's never forgotten you. I don't think there's a day that goes by he doesn't think of you."

"It's better he thinks I'm dead."

"All those years, didn't you wonder if he survived?"

"Edward …"

"Okay," I said, relenting to her decision and bent to give her a kiss. "They're waiting for me."

The wind shifted and the scent of wolf filled both our noses. Jacob was at the forest edge. He and Charlie had been fighting earlier, which is what prompted the visit to the house. Charlie was asking things which Jacob refused to answer. He was sorry it had come to this, Jacob was only trying to protect Charlie and Bella, but things back at the compound had gotten out of hand. So much so, Jacob ended up confessing to Leah what he and the others were. It was a mess and he'd left her with Emily and Sam hoping they could reason with her. She was well beyond listening to Jacob and his lies he had been keeping all of these years.

Bella and I met him at the back of the house. It was a simple greeting, one filled with contempt but mutual understanding.

"He's not going to drop it," Jacob said.

"Yeah, I figured as much from the hostage situation inside."

"I tried," he said looking at me, "but he's known we've been lying to him. Even with Carlisle and Esme visiting yesterday, he wouldn't believe them when they said you were fine. 'Resting,' they'd told him, but he didn't buy it. He thinks it's an excuse for hiding something else. He wanted to come see for himself and asked Leah to come with him, which led to a fight between us. It just kind of escalated from there. He was testing us, trying to see if we'd give him some answers." He was whispering so Bella knew what was happening, but in his head he was blaming me. _You should've come. This all could've been avoided._ He glanced down at the duffel bag I was carrying and then at our joined hands. _Instead, you were rutting around, only thinking of yourself._

Even with the strides we'd made a few days ago with the wolves, I realized Jacob's attitude toward me was never going to change. We were destined to be rivals, I supposed. It was funny how his condescension would have bothered me only days ago. The two of us were always at odds, but tonight wasn't going to be ruined by him. To end these last few days with Bella agreeing to marry me, nothing could taint how I was feeling. So instead, I lifted Bella's hand and kissed the back of it, giving him a flippant look as if to say, 'What's your point?'

Bella looked at me curiously, then saw Jake trembling with anger. She moved to stand between us. "Stop it. Both of you. I don't know what this is about, but get over yourselves."

Jacob was glaring at me over the top of her head. He was just angry in general, and up until a few days ago, I had been too.

"What does he know, or suspect?" I asked, choosing to be the bigger man.

"Not sure what's going through his head. Thought that was your department."

"Charlie's … er … difficult."

"What do you mean?" Bella asked.

"He's pretty selective in his head. It's somewhat like yours, but not. When he's not concentrating on it, I can read his thoughts, but he can choose to keep me out if he wants to."

"Wait. You can't read her thoughts?" Jacob asked.

"No."

"Why's that?"

"We're not sure, but I've never been able to. With Charlie, it's like it's muddled. It's not always clear. And he knows how to avoid me from listening in."

The corners of Bella's mouth turned up slightly. She knew we had told Charlie about my talent and Alice's long ago, but I'd forgotten to mention Charlie's part in it. She was pleased to hear her 'gift' was a family trait.

"Well, then what's Seth thinking?" Jacob asked.

"He's hungry."

Jacob laughed despite his annoyance. "He's always hungry."

"He doesn't really care what happens either way. He went with Charlie to keep him company. Now he's wishing he'd stayed behind. Seth stopped guessing long ago, figuring we'd tell him when the time was right."

"That's not the tune he was singing to Sam only hours ago. He knows about us, well at least he guessed it, even though Sam denied it. Not sure if Seth's said anything to Charlie about it or about your kind."

"What do you want me to do, Jacob?" I asked.

"I know if Charlie sees me within twenty feet of this house, he'll probably shoot me, that's how angry he is with me right now."

"Well, no point in delaying it any further. I'll see where his head is at."

"You can't tell him," Bella said to me.

"About you?" Jacob said to her. "No, we're in agreement on that one. But this other stuff? I'm not sure we have a choice anymore."

"I'll do what I can." Bella frowned as I kissed her forehead. I asked her to wait with Jacob and I knew they'd be listening in. I only hoped I could diffuse the situation some, but Charlie was tired of all the lies. It would be a hard sell.

My family heard me approaching, unbeknownst to Charlie and Seth. The fact that I was about to speak to Bella's father after what had just transpired between the two of us hours ago was not lost on Emmett or Jasper. They were laughing at me in their heads and making derogatory comments which I tried my best to ignore.

I opened the front door, quietly shutting it behind me. I could see the glow from the candles in the living room and greeted everyone from the hall.

"Is that Charlie's truck out there?" I walked into the living room, pretending to be surprised by the sight of them. "It's good to see you," I said, and then added, "but what are you doing here so late? Has something happened?"

Seth stood up, greeting me. _If you can hear me, drop the act. He knows,_ he said silently, smiling and shaking my hand. "Glad you're back, Edward. Feels much longer than a couple of weeks."

Charlie didn't move from his chair. He wasn't even looking at me, he continued to watch Carlisle, but I saw the pocketknife resting on his knee under his hand.

"Charlie?" I asked.

Finally he looked up at me, and he let me see what his intentions were. Seth had shared the legends with him. He knew, or suspected.

I sighed, closing my eyes and held out the palm of my hand for him. There were silent protests from my family, but I held firm. He opened the penknife and his hand was steady as it hovered over my palm. I nodded at him, giving him permission. He tried to sink the blade into me, but it did nothing against my skin. Seth gasped, but Charlie looked at the blade as though there was something wrong with it. Maybe it was dull, he thought. He held it toward his palm and went to cut into his own skin, when Carlisle calmly said, "I don't think you want to do that."

Charlie snapped out of his daze, looking up to me and then over to Carlisle. We were all practiced when it came to being around human blood, even Jasper, but there was no point in tempting fate, especially while Bella was just out back.

"You going to explain what this is?" The blade still rested against his palm, like he was threatening us.

"There's no going back from this," Alice said from the corner of the room. Out of anyone, she held a soft spot in Charlie's heart. She was afraid that might change once he knew the truth. "You're not going to like what you hear."

"Probably not," he said, looking at her with a grim smile. "But all I know is there's this crazy talk of wolves and demons and I'm not buying it. I want to hear what this is from your mouths. I've got young kids in the compound running fevers of a hundred and ten degrees, and should be dead, but then days go by and they're right as rain and doing things that shouldn't be possible. Ten years went by—ten years that should have been harsh on all of you, but it's like you haven't aged a day. You've refused every one of our invitations when there's sun, and you all have the same looking eyes when none of you are kin. Seth tells me some crazy story he grew up hearing, about you and Jake's great-grandfather when none of you should've been born. None of this is possible, but yet, somehow I'm starting to believe it is." Silence passed around the room and then he added, "I think I deserve some truths."

There was no going back now, and I could see from Jacob's head, Bella was on edge. She knew we wouldn't tell him about her, but I imagined it was hard having her father separated from her by only wood and brick and a few sheets of plaster. I'm sure she wanted to see him with her own eyes despite what her head was telling her.

"Where do you want us to start?" Carlisle spoke up.

"Is it true? What Seth said? About the blood?"

"Yes."

Charlie's face went pale, and everyone in the room heard the pace of his heart quicken. Jasper tried his best, but even he could do nothing to slow the beats.

"But you're different."

"Yes."

"How different?"

Carlisle leaned forward. "For one, you're right about our eyes. It distinguishes us from others of our kind."

"So, there really is a treaty."

"Some of us were there with Ephraim Black." Carlisle glanced my way and Charlie caught the look. He stood up taking a deep breath. He held it for a few seconds, his chest puffed up, and his lips were hidden by his moustache.

"You realize how crazy this sounds," he finally said, sweeping his arm at all of us. He started chuckling. "If I hadn't lived through a nuclear war, I'd have laughed this off and tested everyone for drugs. Maybe none of this is real. Not these past ten years. Not the idea of demons or Jake and his band of furry men. None of it! Next you'll be telling me my wife's a witch and my daughter's an angel with healing skills. This is absurd." He was referring to Leah, but I wanted to tell him his daughter was an angel, my angel, but I kept quiet waiting for him to continue.

"So what are you? What does it mean … _Cold One_?"

"Charlie," Rosalie said softly, tucked inside Emmett's arms. "You know what it means."

Charlie was nodding his head staring at the center of the room at nothing. "I know what I think, and I think it's all nightmares and fairy-tales. Rosalie, you've been teaching the children, Carlisle tends the sick. You all help where you can. You're not demons. But when it comes down to it how can I possibly trust the word … _vampire_?"

Seth shifted uncomfortably in his seat, while the rest of us hadn't moved a muscle. The word was out there now. There was no turning back.

"How long? How long have you been like this?" Charlie asked.

"A long time. For all of us."

"Did Bella know?" He turned to me, his expression was pained.

"Yes."

He swayed on his feet. "I need to sit down." He rested with his head between his knees. "How does it work?"

I was still standing, staring down at the top of his head, while he was bent over trying to get a handle on things. "We never age. We never get sick. We essentially become immortal, minus the fangs. In exchange, everything that was once human is gone. We need blood to sustain ourselves, but my family and I choose to survive on animal blood." I tried to keep the explanation short and to the point.

"So, what you're telling me is not all of you abide by your … choices."

"Not at all. Our family and Eleazar's family are almost the exception."

"Are there many?"

I was impressed that he was asking the right questions. None of us were going to lie to him, but we weren't going to offer unnecessary information.

"More than you'd think."

He finally raised his head and he had some color back in his cheeks. His heart was beating regularly again. His attentions turned to Jasper who was trying to keep Charlie's emotions in check. "When Jasper left, what did he find in the South?" His eyes went back to Carlisle. "You said a war was brewing. This isn't any old war, is it?"

"I'm afraid it isn't, my friend," Carlisle said sadly. "We've kept our secret from humans for thousands of years, but things are about to change."

Jasper did his best to sum up what he'd found and where he was, leaving out the one tiny detail of Charlie's daughter being held captive for all those years. Instead, he talked of Garrett and his time in the caves and their escape. Again, Charlie was sensible, must have been the cop in him, and asked the pertinent questions, including the real story behind Jasper's scar below his eye.

Dawn was approaching, and Seth yawned loudly. He'd sat quietly listening this entire time, afraid if he'd said something, Charlie would take notice of him and somehow kick him out of the room. He was patient, but at the same time in awe of everything he was hearing. He cleared his throat as he stretched out his long legs. "So, why didn't I turn?" he asked, a little disappointed.

"I'm not really sure, Seth," Carlisle said. "I don't know a lot about the genetics of your people. Billy and Sam seem to think the gene kicks in when our kind is around. It's a defense mechanism to protect your people. We weren't here when you came of age."

"Will he turn now?" Charlie asked.

"We don't think so," Carlisle said.

Seth cursed in his head, and his face showed his disappointment.

"Dude, you don't want to stink like those wolves," Emmett said, trying to make him feel better. "Seriously."

"But how am I supposed to fight when it comes to that?" Seth asked.

"You won't," I said. And Charlie and Seth started to protest and I continued before they could say anything else. "We're not going to let them make it up here."

Charlie started to chuckle. "Edward, I don't get any of this, at all. I've no idea what abilities you all have, but clarify something for me. These _vampires_ can do what you can do, right?" I nodded. "Well, seven of you? Seems a little unrealistic, don't it?"

"We're looking for more of us who are sympathetic to the old ways," Carlisle said. "Eleazar and his family are out searching now."

"That's still not enough, though. Right?"

The room fell silent. No one wanted to admit he was right in his assumptions. This was a fight we weren't going to win. Charlie knew it, too.

"You're going to need all the help you can get," he said.

"Out of the question, Charlie," I said. "It doesn't work like that. As a human you won't stand a chance. You're right. We have abilities. Speed, strength and skin that is impenetrable. There's nothing that a human can do to kill one of our kind."

"How do _you_ kill one of your kind?" he asked.

"We rip 'em apart, and burn the pieces," Emmett piped up. "It's the only way to be sure."

"So fire …" Charlie said, "… that's a weakness."

"Charlie," Carlisle said leaning forward on his knees, "I can't tell you what it means to me and my family that you want to help. We've waited decades to be accepted the way you've accepted us into your lives, but this is our fight, not yours."

"They're hunting humans, right? Then it's our fight. What you're planning to do is suicide, and when you fail they'll eventually find their way north. Then what?"

"It's not suicide," Alice said. "We've got a plan."

I saw images in Alice's head. I couldn't distinguish if it was a vision or just Alice imagining scenarios. It felt different, but whatever it was, I didn't like what she was thinking. I turned my head to look at her, and she was staring right back at me.

"Alice," I said, "don't." She was thinking about Bella standing outside the house, listening.

_Relax, I'm not going to tell him about Bella. But he should know more._

"What kind of plan?" Charlie asked.

"We have a weapon," she said.

"Alice," Esme scolded her.

"Is someone going to tell me what she's talking about?"

"There are some of us with talents like Alice, Jasper and Edward. Greater talents than theirs," Carlisle said, wanting to clarify. "We're hoping to find others with these gifts. We think they will help."

I gave Alice one last unforgiving look to keep her mouth shut. She was not going to interfere in this. A small part of me wondered if Bella was still standing outside with Jake, but his thoughts confirmed she was there and I relaxed my shoulders.

"So, is it a bite?" Charlie asked. "That's what makes someone like you?"

"It's the venom," Carlisle said. "A simple bite to turn, but the process is excruciating and not everyone survives. It's not an easy thing."

"If Bella knew—did she—" He was having a hard time saying the words. "Did she want to be like you?"

I sat down on the chair opposite him, lowering my head and whispered, "Yes."

"Then, what really happened to my daughter? You're not telling me something."

"Charlie, Bella wanted to be like me, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't do that to her. I loved her too much to damn her to this life. _That_ was why I made my family leave Forks. I wanted her to have a good life."

"But, when you came back, you said you were going to find her." His eyes were sad and ghosted with pain. "You were going to save her, weren't you? You were going to change her so she could survive?"

I simply nodded my head again, because I couldn't speak the words and I didn't want to lie to him any more than we were. There was no point telling him she had technically died at the hands of another vampire. It would only raise more questions.

"What happened?" he asked, panicked.

"It was as I said. I was too late."

"Oh, God. It really _is_ my fault she's dead. She'd be … like you … she'd be alive, sitting in this room looking exactly like she had."

"Only better," Alice mused.

"If I hadn't stepped in … she'd be here."

"You don't know that," Seth said, and squeezed Charlie's shoulder.

"Don't I? It's in their eyes. Look at them!" He turned to each of us, and there was guilt in our eyes, but not for the reasons he was assuming. "If I hadn't meddled she'd be alive." He stood up and started pacing the room. His thoughts were running rampant and he was angrier than I'd ever seen him. All he kept thinking was that his little girl could have lived forever if he hadn't interfered.

 _His grief is off the charts,_ Jasper said to me. _I can't help him. Too many emotions in the room._

Charlie continued to pace. He was concentrating hard on something, but his head was closed to me. Just when I was about to stand up and offer him some comfort, he spun around and stared me straight in the eyes. Then his gaze moved to Carlisle and Esme and their joined hands, then to Alice and Jasper sitting together on the couch, and lastly to Emmett where his arm rested around Rosalie.

"You loved her," he said, everything finally making sense to him, that what we had wasn't a silly crush like he always thought it had been. He understood it all. My pain, why my family spared the town and why I wanted to end my life. It all came together for him. "You _loved_ her." His eyes drifted over my family again and rested on me.

"Our kind loves deeply. For life. She was mine."

"I took her from you." He gripped my shirt, staring me in the eyes. The pain that was looking back at me was excruciating. I wanted to ease his suffering, but I was bound to a promise I couldn't break. He dropped his arms, and his shoulders slumped over in defeat. He stood there for what seemed like minutes, and none of us was sure what to do, but then Charlie turned away from me abruptly. He was thinking he had to get out of the house, get away from us. He rushed out of the room into the hallway, and stopped dead in his tracks. I saw the image he was looking at. Bella was staring back at him from the end of the hall.

"Holy Mother of God," he said, and keeled over crashing to the floor.

-:-


	32. A House Divided Amongst Itself Cannot Stand

**CHAPTER 31**

  
_**-:-** _ **A House Divided Amongst Itself Cannot Stand** _**-:-** _  


* * *

**2016 -:- Present Day**

It was odd and vaguely familiar smelling Charlie's blood, and I smiled even if it was somewhat inappropriate. He'd dropped like a rock and everyone had been too shocked to stop his head from hitting the side-table on the way down to the floor. He had a deep gash on his forehead which was bleeding profusely. Alice was holding her breath, pressing a towel to his head to staunch the flow while we waited for Carlisle to get his suture kit. The others vacated to the kitchen, not wanting to tempt fate being so close to fresh blood. Only Alice and I were left with an unconscious Charlie, and an overprotective Seth keeping watch.

It was quite a mess, and maybe Emmett was right, disaster did follow me and Bella wherever we went.

"I saw her..." Charlie said, coming to.

His skin was deathly pale and his eyes were unfocused, but his pulse was steady and strong. We helped him sit up, keeping his back leaning against the wall. Carlisle warned us he might go into shock, which was understandable for a man who had just learned of the existence of werewolves and vampires and seen the ghost of his daughter.

He was doing fairly well considering.

"She was standing at the end of the hall..." He trailed off and then his eyes searched the room. Seth gave me a worried look, and asked what Charlie was rambling about.

Carlisle returned, with kit in hand and concern in his thoughts. I was grateful for his ability to stay calm in such a crisis. There had been no time to decide what to tell Charlie or Seth, and I needed Carlisle's guidance before Charlie became too lucid and started asking questions I wasn't prepared to answer. He was going to need a few stitches, which was obvious, but Carlisle reassured us it looked worse than it was. Head wounds bled a lot, he reminded the three of us.

 _I can give him something to keep him groggy, if you need some time,_ Carlisle thought silently while he prepped what he needed, _but I don't think that's wise given his condition. He may have a concussion. He's in shock so we can use this if you still want to keep Bella's existence a secret. He's going to have one nasty headache, and we have nothing here other than Esme's willow bark. She's brewing some tea now._

"Doc, I'm okay," Charlie said, his voice a little thick. "Just a bump to the head. Nothing to it."

"Well, we're going to have to stop the bleeding first," Carlisle said and chuckled. "Just a couple stitches. Nothing to it."

Charlie's eyes went wide at the mention of blood and glanced to Seth. His heart started racing and he looked panicked, sweeping his eyes from me to Alice and lastly to Carlisle.

"S'okay, Charlie. Relax," Seth said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Everything's good. We're good." His eyebrows were raised and he turned to me. _We are good, right?_

Charlie pulled away from Alice, and the blood started to run down the side of his face again.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm okay." His eyes locked onto the bloody compress Alice had been holding against his scalp and his skin blanched further. "I'm sorry."

"It's quite all right," Carlisle said.

"But... how can you stand it?"

"Many, many years of practice." Carlisle gave him a warm smile and lifted Alice's hand back up to his head, pressing the towel to the deep gash again. "Helps, too, if you don't need to breathe." Charlie's eyes went wide again and he sort of half laughed in disbelief with a slight bit of horror.

"Really? You don't need to breathe?" Seth asked me, and I gave him a brief nod. "Cool."

 _I've given up stitching one Swan for another,_ Carlisle joked with me. _They are so much alike._

"This is going to hurt," Carlisle said aloud. "I don't have anything to numb it and there's no ice to dull the pain. I wish I didn't have to stitch it up right away, I'd like the swelling to come down some, but I'm sure you can understand the circumstances and why I must do this." He smiled again at Charlie who, in turn, gave his consent.

I could hear Jacob outside and switched my attention to him. Bella had run as soon as Charlie saw her, and Jacob went after her leaving us to pick up the pieces. Bella had only wanted to hear Charlie's voice. His scent had drawn her in, so she had moved into the hallway, hoping to get a glimpse of him. Her curiosity got the better of her, but it was in the worst possible way. We had no idea how Charlie would react to the truth of what we were, or that he would relive the guilt of Bella's death the way he had. When he stepped out into the hallway, everything happened in a matter of seconds. Bella was just as stunned as her father. She did the only thing she could do. She ran.

Luckily Jacob was quick to react. He followed her and convinced her to stop before she had gotten too far. They were slowly walking back to the house and were standing on the other side of the creek bed. While Carlisle stitched up Charlie's head, I listened to their conversation. Jacob was at least affording me that privilege. I owed him, I realized, and even though I was thankful, I hated being indebted to him.

"I know I don't know you, Bella," Jacob said, "maybe I never did, but I know Charlie. He's like a second father to me, to a lot of people. And I have to say... I've never seen him like this. I'm not trying to be a 'horse's ass' like you so eloquently put it the other day, but you, well you only spent a couple of summers with him when you were a kid and then a few months before all this happened." He raised his arms as a gesture to their surroundings. "He's your dad and all, but I've known him my whole life and trust me when I say, my whole life his thoughts have always been about you. I may not be able to read his mind like _some_ people, but I know him, Bella."

"You said it wasn't a good idea to see him. You agreed with me."

"I did. It's not easy for me to say this, but I was wrong."

"Jacob—"

"Look, I have no idea what you've gone through, other than what you've briefly shared with me and the others. I'm not gonna pretend I have a handle on all this, 'cause I don't. From the looks of you... whatever it was, it wasn't good."

Through Jacob's thoughts, I saw Bella try to turn away from him, and even though it went against everything in his nature, he touched her, placing a gentle hand on her arm to stop her.

"Maybe... and just hear me out," he said, "maybe you need to see him more than he needs to see you."

"No," she whispered.

"He's your family, Bella. The Cullens have claimed you as theirs, maybe you are, but Charlie is yours. There's nothing more important in this world than that. That's all there is. We've all lived through this nightmare and we survived. Billy and Rachel are all I have left. We lost Rebecca, or we think we did, there's no way of knowing. It's just us now. I'd like to think she's out there. The 'not knowing' is hard for my dad. It was the same for Charlie. Family is family, no matter what. I have my wolf brothers, but they're not my blood."

"But don't you get it? I'm not his _blood!"_ she yelled. "There's no blood in these veins!" She held out her arm and patted it with her other hand. "We're no longer blood. Even Edward said it, ' _everything that was once human is gone_.'"

My stomach flipped. I had been so careless with my words. Bella didn't want to see her father, not because of the pain she might cause him if we didn't return, but because she was ashamed of what she had become. An emotion we all knew too well, and nothing my family could say would help her get over that feeling.

"I know you don't believe that," Jacob said. "And you know how I know that? Because you loved that bloodsucker in there when you were human, so whatever part of him it was that you loved, that _human_ side of him? That part is still in you as well." Jacob's voice had a hint of anger to it. He was trying to control his emotions, so to help, he kept talking. "Do you think you'll hurt him, is that it? Would you... you know... try to..." _Eat him,_ Jacob finished in his head.

"No!" She laughed despite her anger. "I can control that part of me."

"Then what is it?" He tried another approach. "So, this warrior Bella is just scared then," he teased.

Bella rolled her eyes. "I'm not scared."

"Yes, you are. Hell, I was terrified enough telling my sister what I am—and I had Billy and Paul with me. But Leah? Man, definitely not a conversation I want to relive. It was a horrible way to find out, but I'm relieved she knows now." Jacob continued to tell Bella about Leah, and I knew he was just talking to soothe her worries. He was trying to make her laugh at his story of a wolf getting his ass-kicked by a human girl. He was trying to chip away at that hard edge Bella had built up again. I was envious of his easy going nature. As much as I hated to admit it, he had a way with her... with people in general, even if I never really got to see that side of him. He'd gotten Bella to laugh, and I was jealous once again of another man. He had managed to convey everything she needed to hear with simple words, something I wouldn't have been able to do. If I had said the words, they wouldn't have reached her. I had no family, no blood, no ties to this earth other than the people I proclaimed as 'family.' Only Jacob could have gotten through to her, and my heart and head were in a battle over that knowledge. Jacob was my enemy, just as I was his, but in this moment I suppose I needed him and the knowledge of that quite simply... pissed me off.

 _What is it, Edward?_ Alice asked. I must have been frowning, for she was looking at me with concern. _Where did she go?_ I briefly smiled letting her know everything was okay, and it was. It was only my insecurities that were the problem. I left the conversation that was happening outside, and came back to the one happening inside. Carlisle had almost finished up. He was looking Charlie over, just to make sure he didn't have a concussion, and checking to see if there was anything else he needed to be concerned about. Esme had brought in some of her willow bark tea and she was trying to convince Charlie to drink it, despite its terrible odor.

Charlie rested his head up against the wall. He looked so incredibly exhausted having spent the entire night awake. The sun was up in the sky; he'd been up for twenty-four hours, and they hadn't been easy hours either. He closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh.

"I know it's not possible," he said with his eyes still closed, "but it was her. It was Bella." He shook his head slightly and winced from the pain.

 _We can't do this to him,_ Alice said to me. She had her hand on his shoulder and was rubbing soothing circles trying to comfort him. _He should be told the truth. It'll be okay, Edward. Trust me._

I wanted to trust Alice. I agreed with her, but it wasn't our decision to make. It wasn't just me Bella needed time with, it was everything and everyone. Her life was moving too fast for her. She'd spent almost ten years living the same miserable existence, and now it was sensory overload for her. She hadn't been given time to digest what had happened to her in less than a month. We were slowly working through her tough exterior, trying to get her to see reason, but to undo ten years of suffering would take more than a few weeks.

Hearing the family name coming from Jacob's thoughts, I turned back to the conversation happening outside.

"As much as the Cullens go against _everything_ that's ingrained in my makeup, I realize they're good...ah... _people_. I still don't trust them, not sure if I ever will—it's a genetic thing, I guess—but I can respect them and what they're trying to do. Telling Charlie was the right thing. I see that now. We need him on board if we're going to survive any of this. He sees logic and reason, when others—namely me—tend to act on impulse. Your _father_ ," he said and paused, giving her hand a squeeze, "is a survivor. He's a good man. You should go to him, get to know him again. You saw how he blames himself. It's not fair. Of all the people in this world, Charlie deserves some peace."

None of us had been able to break through to her when it came to Charlie. She had turned from Jacob and walked a few paces away, taking the space she needed.

"No matter what I've become," Jacob said, "or what I've done, I'll always be Billy's son. I know Charlie, and you'll always be his daughter, Bella."

She kept him waiting with her back to him, and just when he was about to give up and leave her to her thoughts, she turned around. We both saw the doubt in her expression. I wanted to be with her, to comfort her, and from Jacob's thoughts he wanted to do the same. For a brief moment, he wanted to pull her into his arms and ease her worries, but those thoughts quickly left his head when she raised her eyes to meet his. She really wasn't the girl he remembered. He was desperately trying to suppress the wolf side of him, and I waited in anticipation while he struggled. I was ready to run after them if he changed his mind, but then he surprised me once again.

"You call that Garrett guy family, don't you?" She nodded. "It's not what runs in your veins, it's more than that. You know that." Their eyes were locked, until Jacob had to look away. "Charlie will still love you, Bella," he managed to croak out. "Family runs deeper than that."

If I hadn't heard it, I wouldn't have believed what Jacob had said. His head was full of battling emotions, but for Charlie he was willing to push it aside. The respect he had for him far out-weighed any of the legends that existed between our kind.

When he finally looked back at her, she was staring at his feet, and twisting the edge of her shirt. It was unexpected to both of us how vulnerable she seemed. With a quick nod of her head, Bella gave in. A genuine smile crossed my face. It wasn't right to let Charlie continue to blame himself for her death. Jacob knew Charlie best, and if he thought he was strong enough for this, then we should all be willing to trust him.

Alice and Esme saw my reaction and understood what my expression meant. Relief swept through the room and Esme left Carlisle's side to wrap her arms around me.

 _It will be all right_. _We'll get them through this,_ Esme said.

Jasper had joined us, still not willing to part from Alice for long, which was a blessing because the room was going to need his talent. Jasper shared a look with me, and then his thoughts rang loud and clear.

 _How do you want to do this? I'll do what I can, but this isn't going to be easy on either of them._ My eyes settled on the scar next to his eye, and I realized how much I'd missed my brother. Since his return, I hadn't had time to truly thank him for everything he'd done for me. Another time, I thought. He gave me an inquisitive look—a smirk, no less—and I briefly wondered if we'd ever have simpler times again.

Carlisle moved closer to Charlie, bending down to look him in the eyes. We wanted to be sure where his head was at and if his heart could handle the shock before we introduced him to Bella, his long-lost vampire daughter. He was still sitting against the wall. The color was returning to his cheeks as he slowly become more responsive. His eyes snapped open, staring at me frantically and his voice was a little shaky.

"Her eyes were red," he said, before looking to the others. "It was her, but it wasn't. Did you see her? Or am I just a crazy old man hoping for something so badly I'm imagining things now?" My family waited for me to answer, sharing looks of concern. He'd mistaken their expressions, and turned his attentions back to me. There was sympathy in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Edward, I shouldn't be talking this crazy talk. I'm an old fool who's seeing ghosts 'cause he can't let them go."

"Charlie," I said, "I saw her, too." I met Esme's eyes, looking for guidance.

 _I'll tell him,_ she volunteered. _It might be easier coming from me._

"You saw her ghost?"

"No..." Esme said, and moved to hold his hand. "Not her ghost. Bella's with us. She's one of us." The confession would be heard best coming out of Esme's mouth. She had such a tender and soothing way about her, it might be easier hearing the truth from her. It also helped to have Jasper manipulating Charlie's emotions, but it didn't seem to matter much. Charlie sat there with a confused look while Esme went on to explain where Jasper found her—the real story of what he found down in the South. She left out _a lot_ of the details, most of them, to spare him from the worst of it even though he'd already heard a great deal of it earlier. It didn't seem like Charlie comprehended anything she was saying. His mouth hung open, and his eyes were vacant. It didn't look like he was breathing, but his heart was beating, if not a little erratically.

"She's here?" Charlie asked with doubt in his voice. "W-what? Where? Where is she!" He started to rise but Carlisle placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him from getting up.

"Charlie," Carlisle said, still worried about his present condition. "Please, just take a moment."

"Don't!" He shrugged away from Carlisle's grip. "Don't touch me." He turned, using the wall for leverage and shakily stood up while he held his head in one hand. "You've been lying to me? You kept her from me?" He winced from the pain as he turned to look at each of us, confusion and betrayal playing on his face. We all heard his pulse quicken and Carlisle stayed by his side, fearing he'd topple over again.

Seth stood in the corner of the room with his arms folded and his head down. He was angry with all of us for the pain we were causing Charlie. His jaw was clenched and for the first time, I noticed Seth was a man, not a boy like we'd assumed he was. Jasper noticed the tension coming from him.

 _Are we going to have a problem?_ Jasper asked.

"No, he's processing," I said low enough so only he would hear.

"Did you know?" Charlie asked, shaking his head. "Did you know she was... alive?" He looked at me accusingly.

"No," I said, without any expression.

"All this time she was in that _place!_ " He looked at Alice.

"We never knew," Alice pleaded. "I never saw it. I'm sorry, Charlie." She buried her head into Jasper's side.

Charlie nodded slowly, but he had shook off all reason and started to panic. Everyone turned to me for confirmation, but he'd shut me out. Jasper tried to calm him, but even he was at a loss. How would someone take the news of hearing their daughter who had been dead for over a decade was now standing outside, but her heart was no longer beating?

"We thought she was gone... we did," Esme said. "We never would have stopped looking for her. Everything we discovered led us to believe she was dead. It was a miracle Jasper found her."

Charlie frantically looked about the room, searching each of us out, then his eyes finally rested on Carlisle. "You weren't going to tell me." His anger was back. Seth pushed away from the wall, moving to Charlie's side to join him. "Where is she!" Charlie yelled and his chest was pumping up and down. "You were going to keep her from me! Who do you think you are? What right do you have? If I hadn't come here demanding answers, you wouldn't have told me." Seth was about to join the argument, when we heard a voice from the hall.

"It was my decision," Bella said.

Charlie's heart missed a beat. We all heard it, even Bella. I ached for her, knowing how difficult this was. I wanted to go to her, but I doubted she would welcome me. This, she needed to do on her own. Through Jacob's thoughts, I could see her wringing her hands, squeezing them tightly, and then she dropped them, righted her shoulders and stepped in to the room to come face to face with her father.

"Hi, Charlie," she said so low, I wasn't sure with his human ears he would have heard her.

It took two strides for Charlie to reach her. He wrapped her in his arms and buried his head into her hair.

"Bells," he whispered over and over again, until his emotions overtook him and his voice wouldn't work. But he didn't let her go. He held her as his whispers turned to sobs, and from what we could see Bella was hugging him back.

 _Let's give them their time,_ Carlisle said to me, patting my chest. He led the family, including Seth, toward the door. I gave Bella and Charlie one last glance, before following the others outside, where Jacob was already waiting for us. He was next to the creek, standing with his arms crossed looking at the pile of logs Emmett and Jasper had gathered from the standing deadwood in the area. They'd been felling trees and dragging them to the house so the others could split it into firewood for the compound. This was our part to help keep everyone warm for the upcoming winter.

I took a deep breath, swallowing my pride, and went to stand next to him.

"You doing this for us?" Jacob asked kicking one of the logs and then swept his arm to the large pile of firewood we'd already stocked.

"Alice thinks it's going to be a tough winter."

"She's working again, then?" he asked.

"No, but it's best to trust she's right. And she usually is."

He only nodded, his arms still crossed, and then looked around at some of the other stuff we'd been experimenting with. Esme's make-shift greenhouse which grew many of the herbs Carlisle needed to replace his dwindling medical supplies. Emmett's water filtration disaster, and even Rosalie and Alice's ridiculous idea for producing biodiesel. Our efforts were all laid out in the daylight, exposed, for him to see.

The wind had picked up; it was well past morning and the trees were creaking. The silence between us was almost laughable, as neither of us had the conversation skills to hide our lack of contempt for each other.

"I was wro—"

"I was wro—"

"What?" we both said, speaking at the same time again. We gave each other a short, quick smile and I gestured for him to go ahead.

"We'll never be friends," Jacob said matter-of-factly.

"No, I don't suppose we will."

"But I can respect what you're doing for my people."

I nodded slowly. "I can respect what you did for Bella and Charlie."

"You aren't going to win this fight, are you?"

I let the silence stand for a few moments before I finally answered truthfully. "No."

Now it was his turn to think, and I watched the scenarios fly around through his head as he weighed all of his options and the options for the people in the compound. Eventually he turned to face me.

"I never understood what was between the two of you. It's hard for me to accept it now, but I do. She's not the Bella I remember. I hope Charlie can see past what I can't."

"She's not as different as you think."

"She's one of you, now." He said it with disgust, but I didn't take offense. His statement was a measure of pride for me.

"She always was."

He scoffed, shaking his head as he kicked a stone as hard as he could into the shallow creek. He was pensive while he watched the murky water flow past us. It was minutes before he spoke.

"I suppose she was."

"Jacob, thank you." I said it as sincerely as I meant it. "It pains me to say this, but I owe you."

"Let's call it even," he said and kicked the log in front of him again. "I'm sure you hate being indebted to me as much I as do to you." He laughed a little, and I joined him as we headed back to find the others.

-:-

THERE WERE DAYS LIKE I was having today when I couldn't remember my life without Bella. The hours floated into days and before we knew it, we had settled into a routine. We trained at nights, away from the prying eyes of Charlie and Seth who were desperate to be included in our plans. It was one of the conditions set forth by Bella. Her father was not to be involved in any of the planning, other than what she thought was necessary for the safety of the people in the compound.

Charlie came to the house every day, and every day it was a struggle to get him to leave before the dark set in, but that was another condition Bella made Charlie agree to. She wanted him safely behind the compound gates by the time the sun had set. He wanted her to come to the compound, meet the rest of his family and see her old friends, but this was something Bella would not budge on. Her stubbornness came through with shining colors and she made it adamantly clear she wanted nothing to do with the humans in the compound. It hurt Charlie, more than he let on, he wanted to shout to the heavens his daughter was alive, that she was here with him, but instead he was forced to stifle his excitement and even his happiness. To be near her again he was reluctantly willing to pay the price.

Bella and I were on our way to meet the family and the wolves at the training grounds we had set up. The sun was setting leaving the sky dark grey, threatening the evening with rain. With the smell of winter on its way, the air hung heavy, crisp and cool. We walked hand in hand with a comfortable silence stretching between us. What leaves were left had turned brown and most of them lay under our feet, crunching while we walked. Bella stopped suddenly, dropping my hand while looking off to the West where the sun was disappearing over the horizon.

"Do you smell that?"

"What is it?" I asked in alarm, obviously having missed what she was sensing.

"I've missed this," she said so low I wasn't sure I heard her correctly. She took a deep breath and raised her arms away from her body.

"Missed what?" I followed her eye line to the West.

"This." She kicked at the ground and the leaves rustled around her foot. "Smell it."

"The dirt?"

"Not just the dirt," she said, a little short-tempered. She took a deep breath and I did the same. I inhaled the smell of decaying fall foliage. "It's sweet almost." She smiled with her eyes closed.

"You're happy," I said with as much content as she was feeling.

"Why do you say that?"

"The Bella I know would never stand amongst the trees smelling and smiling. Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen you this, I guess the word is... peaceful."

"It's not that, it's just not so stifling here, out from Charlie's thumb. It's not that I don't love being with him, but it's like I traded one jail for another."

"You think that? We have you in a jail?"

"No... not really, but I still don't feel like I have my life back. I've never felt my life is my own, even now."

I pulled her to me, wrapping her in my arms. "Soon, Bella. All this will end one way or another and if we survive, I promise we'll do whatever it is you want to do. Anything."

"And what about Charlie?"

"Charlie will just have to learn to share." I kissed the top of her head. "He doesn't want to let you out of his sight. I think I can sympathize with the man."

"I'm beginning to think the pits weren't so bad." Slapping my chest, she pushed away from me. She gave me a quick kiss on the lips, and then took off running through the trees expecting me to chase her, which of course I did.

I let Bella think she could outrun me, but the truth was I enjoyed watching her. With every stride, and every move she made to avoid something in her path, she amazed me. I never realized how much I wanted this with her. I'd tried so desperately to deny it, but having her with me at my side as an equal surpassed all of my expectations and desires. She was stunning in every way and she was mine once again. If Maria's army tried to take her away from me, I would destroy every last one of them. This, I was absolutely positive about.

Watching her long brown hair—now clean and shiny thanks to Alice—flowing behind her, I was reminded of the smell of strawberries once upon a time. It was little things like the scent of her long forgotten shampoo that would bring me back to the present and what we faced in the days ahead. Every training session was daunting, but necessary. Bella had been pushing us as much as she could, and the wolves watched in awe at the rigorous exercises she put us through. Between Bella and Jasper, our nights were planned until dawn.

We were the last ones to arrive at the clearing, which was usually the way. My family had been kind enough to give Bella and me our space; what little alone time we had was precious to us both and they respected that; unfortunately it didn't mean I could escape the endless taunts from Emmett and Jasper. In their thoughts I was still fair game.

Emmett heard us first, nudging Jasper to let him know we had arrived. The two of them smiled, and so began the wisecracks.

 _I think you've made a good dent in that missing decade_ , Emmett said silently. _Look who's finally smiling after a hundred years._

 _My system can't take any more of this, Edward. I'm trying hard to keep everyone focused and you're making it... difficult,_ Jasper thought. _All that… what's the word?_ He laughed. _Lust?_

Both of them were grinning at me, and the two fools were smart enough to keep their comments between us and away from Esme's hearing. I'm sure she would come up with some kind of punishment for their behavior. She had become quite protective of Bella and me, and between her and Charlie, I could understand why Bella was feeling the way she was. She'd been without anyone for ten years and now she was being thrust into an unconventional family with two fathers and a mother who were also making up for lost time. Overwhelming and stifling, to say the least.

I chose to ignore Jasper and Emmett as always, and instead joined Carlisle.

 _Everything okay?_ he asked. And it was for now, so I nodded, smiling.

Alice had rushed to meet Bella, grateful for any extra time she got with her. She embraced her and the two settled into their own conversation.

"Are the wolves joining us tonight?" Carlisle asked aloud.

"Jacob said some of them would, others are patrolling."

Carlisle nodded in understanding. "That 'hive' mind is fascinating," he said in awe. "I'd love to know the inner workings of it."

Since we started training, only some of the wolves would join us, and that was all that was needed. Their shared minds meant whatever one wolf learned, the others would know instantly. It was fascinating, if not a little frustrating for me. The last thing I needed was for Jacob to see me get my ass handed to me every night by Bella. Much of my tactics and the way I fought depended on my ability and anticipating my opponent's moves through their thoughts, but with Maria's army and Emilia present, I wasn't going to have that luxury. The only person it was beneficial to train against was Bella. And I wasn't exactly going to fight her like I would Emmett or Jasper or even Carlisle. She knew this, using every opportunity to land me on my backside.

"I wonder if the wolves would be affected by Emilia," I asked.

"Interesting thought," Carlisle looked off into the trees, "I wouldn't think so. It's part of what they are, their genetic make-up I'm assuming."

Just as we finished our words, the wind shifted and we smelled the wolves coming from the West. It was Jacob and a few of the young ones I didn't know, but they weren't alone.

"They're back," I whispered. My family stopped what they were doing and looked at me in question.

"Who's back?" Bella eyes were filled with excitement.

"Garrett and Kate," I said, turning my attention to the direction I knew they were coming from. Before we even had a chance to process what it meant, they appeared where I was looking. Bella rushed from my side and threw herself into Garrett's arms. No matter how much I tried to reassure myself, it still hurt, even more so when my family shared my thoughts. I swallowed my pride again, and slowly walked to meet them.

I was the first to embrace Kate and welcome her home, only to be met by the same sentiments I was feeling. She let me see how close she and Garrett had become, so watching Bella's reunion with him was almost as painful for her as it was for me.

The family joined us, letting Garrett and Bella be for a moment. In the midst of hearing about their journey, I heard the sound of flesh meeting flesh.

"How could you!" I heard Bella yell, and watched as her hand connected with his face again. She turned to me with accusation in her eyes. "Did you know?"

"Know what?" I asked in complete and utter confusion.

"You smell of her," she said and pushed Garrett away.

I looked from Bella to Garrett to Kate, appalled by Bella's behavior.

"Bella," I said with my arms raised walking toward her. My voice was soothing hoping it would calm and hoping Jasper would help me out.

"Did you know?" she asked me again. "Was this part of your plan?"

"Bella, I don't know what you're talking about."

"He didn't know," Jasper said stepping between us. "Garrett and I planned it."

Bella stepped forward and stood face to face with Jasper. The look of betrayal was clearly written across her face as if I could read her mind. We all watched in shock and confusion at what was happening. No one said a word, no one was breathing. It was as though we were watching a film in slow motion. Bella raised her hand for the third time and slammed it into the side of Jasper's face. She spun on her heel and took off into the trees.

"What the hell?" Emmett asked, breaking our silence. He asked the obvious question the rest of us were too stunned to ask.

Jasper rubbed the side of his cheek and I stood rooted to my spot, just as confused as the others. Both he and Garrett let me see what their plan had been. It had nothing to do with Kate and I was ashamed for jumping to that conclusion and doubting Bella's reaction.

"Garrett went back," Jasper said without remorse.

Alice turned to Garrett and Jasper, her expression furious as she narrowed her eyes at her husband's cheek. "You deserved that."

"Men," Rosalie said. "Why do you think by keeping things from us you're protecting us?" Her arms were crossed and she was glaring at all of the men in her life.

"Don't lump me in with those three. I'd have told you if I knew," Emmett said with his arms raised up in defense.

"It had to be done," Jasper said, not apologizing for his behavior. "We had to know what Maria was up to."

"In and out. That's all I did," Garrett tried to explain. "She didn't even know I was there."

"Or so you think," I said surprising myself at how furious I was with them. Not for the act itself, but for leaving me out of their plans. Now I understood why Jasper had been avoiding me. I thought it was to give us our space, but it was to keep his secret from me.

"Don't you see?" Alice looked first at Garrett then to Jasper, and finally to me. "We'll never win with all these secrets. I thought we were done with all of that. There was a time in this family when secrets weren't possible. We were our strongest then." She let her statement stand for a moment. "We can't continue this way. No more!" She turned on her heel and ran after Bella with Rosalie close behind. Emmett called after them but stood where he was. He knew when to pick his battles with Rosalie, and he was too curious to know what Garrett had been doing.

"Someone better start talking," Emmett said.

"Yes, they had," Esme agreed in a clipped voice. She glared at Carlisle accusingly, disappointed, waiting for him to explain.

"Carlisle didn't know either," Jasper said. "It was our idea and ours alone."

"I went back to the caves. To Maria."

"Why?"

"We had to know what she was up to. Whether they were on the move or if she was staying put."

"And?"

"Are we really going to explain this twice?" Garrett turned back to the trees. "We don't have time for this!" he yelled. "Nix! I know you can hear me. Stop being unreasonable and come hear me out."

The girls hadn't gone far. We could still hear them while they tried to comfort Bella in between their curses at the rest of us. For once I wasn't to blame for this and I had to admit, it was a relief. We waited a few minutes, and finally the three appeared through the trees. We could see by their expressions, none of them had calmed down and by the time they reached us, the tension had to be defused by Jasper.

"I'm not to be left out of any future decisions." There was no mistaking Bella's tone—even I felt the chill from where I was standing—but Garrett didn't seem bothered by it.

"Hey!" He grabbed her by the shoulders, and instinctively I wanted to stop him, but Kate held me back.

 _Let them settle this,_ she said silently to me.

"You are not responsible for me," Garrett said, shaking Bella. "You got that? I make my own decisions, have done for hundreds of years before you came along. I know what I'm doing, so stop carrying that damn weight of responsibility around with you."

"If something were to happen to you—"

"Then it happens. You're not my protector. And you sure as hell are not responsible for me, or for any of these people! Get that through that thick skull of yours." He tapped her forehead with his finger. "We've been around a lot longer than you, and despite what you think, we do know some things."

Emmett shifted beside me and sucked in a breath, we all did, while we waited for Bella to fight back, but she didn't, so Garrett continued.

"From now on I promise you'll be included, but we did what needed to be done. We weren't keeping things just from you. No one knew, not even little Alice." Bella was looking at her feet, and he still had a hold of her by the arms. "Can you understand that?" She gave an imperceptible nod and he chuckled as he kissed the top of her head in return.

She stepped away from him and wrinkled her nose. "You smell of that place. You smell of death." We could all smell it. Jasper had smelled the same when he had come back. Maria's plague could not spread to here, and we all understood why Garrett had gone, even Bella.

"You're so stubborn," Garrett said. "Do you want to hear what we found out or not?"

"Well, I do," Emmett said, breaking the tension as was always his way.

Garrett threw a grateful look to him before sharing the information.

"They're staying put, but not for long. She's getting ready to move. She needs you, Nix, and Isaac says she's coming to get you." He turned to Jasper. "And now she knows you're all connected, she'll use the rest of you for leverage."

"She has Emilia, so why me?"

"She's been scouting for the Volturi ever since that vamp showed up. Remember him?"

"He was mad," Bella said in confusion. "She had him killed."

"Maria's never been stupid. Always cautious. She would have sent scouts out to discover the truth. If there was any shred of evidence they were on this continent, she would search them out," Garrett said.

"I take it from the excitement rolling off the two of you," Jasper nodded at Garrett and Kate, "she found them."

"Maria needs both you and Emilia to defeat the Volturi," Garrett said.

"They're here?" Emmett asked.

"Yes."

"How?"

"We'll soon find out. They're on their way here with Carmen and Eleazar."

.

**-:- Bella's Journal -:-**

FOR THE PAST FEW months Maria has had us above ground on nights when there is a new moon. At least she's limited it to the nights when the humans can't see what invades their dreams. We raid under the cover of darkness, but that doesn't mean it's any less conspicuous. It's like she wants us to draw attention to the unnatural ways we can break through the barriers of these settlements, like she wants someone or something to notice what we've been doing.

I've heard the rumblings of the others, not that they speak to me directly, but through Isaac I know who they fear. The little Haitian vampire was the only one who would talk with me openly, maybe because he knows so much about fear, and what others fear the most. He realizes I'm not a threat to him, especially if someone is going to offer me a small amount of kindness. He says I'm strange, different he calls me, says I fear nothing, but I know that's not true. I have fear, but unlike the others, I don't fear Maria, I fear what she's going to do to the world and I told him so. He laughed, it was almost like a school-girl giggle it was so high-pitched, and then he took hold of my hand and looked into my eyes like he was searching my soul, if I had one. His eyes rolled back into his head, and just when I thought he was going to pass out, he dropped my hand and clucked his tongue, sucking in a deep breath. He was looking for what my 'true fear' was, not my speculations of what the world was becoming. He said I was a 'puzzle,' at least that's what I thought he said, it's hard to understand him sometimes with his thick accent. I told him it didn't surprise me he couldn't get into my head, and I left it at that. Even I don't know what my 'true fear' is, but I'm fairly certain it has something to do with you, Edward. That's all I needed was for Isaac, who only looked out for himself, to know that deep seated secret. For once, I guess I'm grateful for my broken brain.

I asked Isaac what it was that Maria feared, and he looked at me like I really was crazy.

"Unly one ting da missus fear," he said and left my cavern. He never finished his sentence, knowing damn well he would be a fool to betray that information to me.

It wasn't difficult to guess, not when she was planning these raids, and wasn't exactly being discreet about them. Last night, I finally understood what it was all about. She was baiting someone to come find her, hoping she would finally have her answers.

"What happened to subtlety?" I asked her. "Keeping it low-key?" Maria and I were standing together, overlooking the damage we had just done to the latest settlement. The fires burned brightly against the dark skies, and the screams and wails could still be heard as loved ones started to realize who amongst them were gone, or dead, ripped apart by savage beasts that looked a lot like men, but weren't.

We had come to an understanding, the two of us. I needed her to trust me, and she _wanted_ to trust me. Neither of us did, but we met somewhere in the middle of that trust.

"It happens," Maria said, her eyes cold and unfeeling as she surveyed the destruction below. "They get a little bloodthirsty. Who am I to deny them who they are?"

"Maria," I said, "this won't go unnoticed. Someone, the Vol—"

"It's been ten years, Phoenix!" She whipped her body around at an unnatural speed and turned her venomous gaze on me. " _Who_ exactly is going to find out? There's only us. There is no one else."

I fought to stay composed, but my insides were turning at an alarming speed. I felt my rage building, and that little ball of fire had started to burn. Ten years. I had no idea ten years had passed. Sometimes it felt like months, other times it felt like decades, but not knowing allowed me to live the lie.

Life was carrying on without me. I should be twenty-eight now. I should be married maybe with a child, and another one on the way. I should be living in a house with a porch swing and a bright red door, and I should be kissing my husband goodnight as we settle in for the evening. This is what I should be doing, but I was never destined to that life. Never. I always knew that. I was born to be something else. I'm a fighter, destined to fight.

"This one." Maria's voice brought me back, reminding me of my reality while I dreamed of the 'should've's.' She had grabbed hold of a human by his hair, and when his eyes landed on mine, I saw the defiance and hatred there. "He's a fighter." He struggled against her grip. "Now, now," Maria scolded him. "You made me a promise. I can still take that wife and precious boy of yours—what was his name? Christopher? I'm sure he'll make a nice playmate for my Emilia."

"You leave my son alone!" he yelled, and his struggles ceased.

"So predictable." She laughed. "These humans and their pitiful love. Such a wasted emotion, but truly a motivating one." She patted the man on his head. "You'll do well in my arena, scrapper. I see promise in you." She licked the side of his cheek and pushed him on his way to join the other prisoners she had taken from the settlement. True to her word to me, she had only taken some of the men, and none of the women or children. It was the only way I had agreed to participate. She was willing to keep Emilia back at the caves on our night raids, which made me think Maria was having a difficult time controlling her tiny prodigy. Perhaps even Maria saw the monster Emilia had become. She didn't need Emilia to control me though; the threat of Garrett's life and these humans' were enough to keep me in line.

Maria was watching the man she said 'had promise' and a slow smile spread to her lips. "That one," she said, still staring at him. "I'll save a special treat for him."

"What's that?" I wasn't even sure why I'd asked, I knew I wouldn't want to hear it. Just when I think Maria shows a shred of humanity, she raises the bar on being evil.

"When I turn him, I'll bring him back here to finish what we started. He'll be bloodthirsty and he'll finish that little family of his." Her maniacal laugh echoed on the night air, and the chill of her words went straight to my spine. " _Love_." She spat the word out like poison on her tongue.

"You've never loved someone?"

She snared my chin with one hand, turning her lip up in disgust. "Have you?"

"Yes." I didn't even hesitate. I wanted to push her, find out what really made her tick. I think I already knew the answer, nothing made her tick other than the need for power, but after all these years on this earth, human or vampire, she must have loved someone.

"Of course you have. You're weak." She squeezed my jaw with her hand, then shoved me away. "Love is a weakness we can't afford, Phoenix."

Her statement wasn't far off the mark. I thought of Garrett and how his love for me had crippled the both of us ten years ago. And now it's my love for him that weakens us and keeps us here.

Love _is_ a flaw. I want to believe love keeps us sane, keeps us human, but Maria's right, we are not human.

Seeing these horrors and being near someone like Maria, I understand more than ever why Carlisle is who he is. It would be easy to give in to the madness. It's a struggle every day. We all need something or someone to hold on to, human or vampire. Somewhere along the way, Maria lost this. Like any madman, Maria thinks she is invincible. She fears the power of the Volturi, but her fear drives her hatred of them as well, and this could possibly be her undoing. If the Volturi do exist, they are looking like the only chance we have of destroying her.

-:-


	33. Better the Devil You Know Than the Devil You Don't

**CHAPTER 32**

**-:- Better the Devil You Know Than the Devil You Don't -:-**

* * *

**-:- Bella's Journal -:-**

GARRETT CAME TO ME a few days ago, worried and distracted. He kept asking me details of the past, things I've long forgotten... people I've long forgotten. It's been years since Garrett's asked me things about you and your family, it's a topic we both tend to avoid. I'm bothered by his unpredictable persistence, it's not his way. I can't help the nagging feeling that something has changed between us.

I don't see much of Garrett, and unless I'm with Maria on the raids, she keeps him next to her side most of the time. I often wonder what she has him do, or what's required of him, but I don't ask, so he doesn't share. It's an understanding we have, but the few times she allows him to come back to me, he's distant and withdrawn. He hides things from me, I know that much. He doesn't tell me what goes on below, for which I'm grateful I suppose, but I'm frustrated he feels the need to protect me from it all. I'm stronger now... much stronger. I'm hardened. I don't need to be protected or sheltered. Garrett still treats me like a fragile being, when in reality I'm the strongest one down here.

I often think about the first few years of your life when Carlisle turned you, what you went through. I know you killed people, I remember you telling me that. Each time I end a life I think of you. I try to tell myself these humans are better off. It's better than suffering below. Is that what we tell ourselves to make it easier? Give excuses to make us live with ourselves? I wonder if your eyes are red now, if the family is still together, or if you maintain your diet. Lately, I think of you more and more. I had pushed you aside for so long, but Garrett is making it impossible to keep you buried. I think it's testing my sanity. I'm imagining things again. Just the other day I saw Jasper in the training area. Well, I thought I did, which only gave Garrett more cause to worry about me. I made a mental note not to bring up my hallucinations again. I'll keep them to myself.

Isaac tells me Maria has caught a spy, someone from the Volturi guard. I find it hard to believe, but he says she's convinced of it. I know a little about who the Volturi are, or more importantly, what they were. No one believes they exist anymore. Even if they did, they couldn't be on this continent.

We're not allowed to bring the subject of them up down here. Maria has forbidden it. This way the new ones won't be scared by the idea of the Volturi's punishments. Something about this collective group of ancient vampires is frightening to both Isaac and Garrett, I see it in their eyes when I mention the word. I try to ask more about them, but neither of them will talk openly. They shrug off my questions, and change the subject. I've persisted, and between Isaac and Garrett I've managed to discern a little more. I just don't understand why Maria is still so afraid of them. From what I've concluded, they couldn't be here, or they would have put a stop to Maria a long time ago. Then again, Garrett disagrees with me. He says Maria is clever, she's eluded them for centuries. Always will.

"As far back as I can remember," Garrett explained to me, "the southern vampires have been at war. They've always fought for territory. It's been about supply and demand. Vamps like Maria, they bide their time until they're sure. She didn't survive the Southern Wars after all those years not to be cautious. She'll quietly build her army, staying hidden until she's sure, or until she's matched them on their abilities. She'll never act unless she's certain she can defeat them."

"And you think she's caught a Volturi spy."

"I'm not convinced, no." He didn't look me in the eyes.

"Didn't she think this once before? There was that vampire; the one she thought was mad. He rambled on about personal guards, so she had him killed. Why hasn't she killed this one?"

"Because this vamp has a history with her, they know each other. They know each other well." He finally looked up at me, indicating just how well they knew each other. "But it's been quite a few years since they've seen each other. He could be Volturi..."

"But you don't think so." We were going in circles. He was keeping something from me. "What has you suspicious?"

"He mentioned a name." His eyes shifted down again. I didn't think he was going to say anything further, until he lowered his voice almost to a whisper. "A man I once knew, and that man would never join the Volturi."

There was something in the way he was standing, and I could feel his apprehension—the room was filled with it, like it was suffocating me.

"Garrett..." I took a step toward him. "What are you keeping from me? Isaac said you know him, too."

"Isaac can't keep his mouth shut," he mumbled. "I don't know him, no, I know _of_ him." He still wouldn't look at me, which was making me angry. I wanted the power to read his mind. How I would give up everything just for that one glimpse into his head. Instead, all I had was the anger fuelling inside of me, starting at that familiar pit in my stomach.

"Just tell me." My irritation continued. I was frustrated with him for keeping things from me. I wanted an equal partnership. I was tired of people always wanting to protect me. "You said we were partners, that you would _never_ do what _he_ did. You promised me. Don't keep secrets from me. Stop trying to protect me!" I thrust my fists against my sides, feeling the anger or the energy leave my body, pushing outward toward Garrett. He stumbled backward, catching himself before falling.

The surprise on both of our faces caused him to laugh. "Well, that's new."

I didn't want to laugh with him, I was still too angry. That little glimpse of power wasn't new, only new to him because I'd never been this angry with him. "Don't change the subject. Who is he?"

"I need some time," he said. "Nix, please. Let me figure this out, I just want to find out a few things first." He kissed my forehead, running his hands over my shoulders. "I have to go. I can't be here right now. I'll tell you when I know more." He was gone before I could protest.

-:-

JASPER IS HERE.

 _Here_.

All of these years down here, and now a Cullen is breathing the same air as me. When I learned the truth it felt like I was hyperventilating—which is impossible—but as I watched Maria lead him away my lungs collapsed. I needed Jasper back. I rushed after them, but Garrett grabbed me about the waist, hoisting me in the air.

"You can't go after him," Garrett whispered. "You'll sign his death warrant."

I started to shake, and as the tremors raked through my body uncontrollably, nothing could stop them, not even Garrett's soothing touches.

 _Where was Alice?_ _Where were the rest of them?_

I sat down hard, my legs buckling underneath me.

"How? How is that possible? He's here? Why?" The questions tumbled out of my mouth; I wasn't even giving Garrett a chance to answer them. I held my breath for a second to calm myself. "It's not possible. Is he alone?"

"I need to find out more. Maria has him heavily guarded. Like I said, they share a past and she's not letting him leave. I think he was her second in command back in the day."

"Is he alone!"

He sighed heavily as though the weight of the world rested on his shoulders. "Yes."

"I need to see him again."

"Maria will never allow it. She can't know your connection. We need to keep that to ourselves for now."

"No! I need to see him, Garrett." My voice was bordering on hysteria. He bent down, rubbing my arms.

"I know, believe me."

I started to protest, telling him he didn't understand.

"Nix, you don't think I know what that family means to you?" His voice started getting louder. "Goddammit! I know! Every moment I spend with you, I know. Every flinch when I touch you, every ounce of rejection when you walk away from me. Believe me, I know what it means to have news of the Cullens... of _him_! So don't you dare tell me I don't understand. For once, listen to me, woman!" He had grabbed hold of my arms, shaking me and I let him. "Please," he said with one final thrust as he pushed me away. "Listen to me." His voice was so quiet, but it still echoed around the walls of the cave. "We have to be smart about this. You need to let me call the shots. All of our lives are at risk."

"Carlisle," I whispered, some memories coming back to me, a painting. "Carlisle knew the Volturi."

"He did."

"So maybe he's connected to them now. Who knows what's happened in the last ten years!" My voice was excited, filled with hope for the first time in a long time.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves. We don't know anything. If he does work with the Volturi, none of us are safe from them. We're helping Maria, they'll destroy us all without a second thought or they'll take us into their guard. I won't trade one servitude for another. I need to find out what his agenda is."

"Jasper wouldn't have any agenda."

"You don't know that. A lot changes in ten years."

"I'd rather take my chances with him and the Volturi," I said.

Garrett laughed. "Let's hope we live long enough to regret that."

"He's in danger," I said, wiping the smirk from my face.

"Yeah, he is. She'll take him to see the devil-child."

"So if he's a spy..."

"She'll kill him. Not right away, but she'll torture him until she's satisfied."

"We have to get him out of here," I said. "Tell me we're in agreement on that."

"Yes."

"Whatever happens, you must promise me you'll protect him as you would protect me."

"Nix..."

"Promise me, Garrett and I'll do whatever you say. I'll stick to your plan, but not until you promise me."

"Okay."

"I need you to say it."

"I promise."

He was disappointed in me, I could see that much. I didn't want to ask why, I knew why. Whatever the Cullens had done to me, abandoning me, leaving me to die, I couldn't do that to any one of them. Even after all these years all of my instincts told me I still cared about them... that I loved them. Garrett would never understand that. I would risk my life for Jasper, because maybe a small part of me thought I was saving a part of us by doing so.

"Did he say anything about the others?" I didn't want to put Garrett through any more pain, but I had to ask.

"Not really, we haven't had many chances to talk."

I nodded in understanding.

"Do you really want to know, Nix? Do you want to put yourself through all of that again?"

Without even thinking of my answer I blurted out, "Yes." Because I did. I wholeheartedly wanted to know because a part of me didn't believe he was here on his own accord. How could Jasper have found his way to me without knowing I was here? Alice would have seen it, unless he was no longer with her.

_Alice._

Something terrible would have had to happen for them to be parted. The dread was building and would continue to build until I laid eyes on Jasper again. Where were the others? Maybe it wasn't him, was I mistaken? No. It was him. After all of these years, I was sharing the same air as a member of the Cullen family. My body buzzed from this revelation.

"I have to see him again," I said, making it clear it wasn't a request. "For my own sanity."

He grabbed my arms again, but this time it was gentle. His eyes softened as he looked down at me, like he'd just lost something forever and would never get it back. My heart broke, tearing into two pieces all over again.

"This changes everything, doesn't it?" he asked.

"It changes nothing." But even as I said the words we both knew I didn't mean it. I pulled him into my arms, and we held tight to each other. With that one word, both of our worlds were turned upside down and would be forever changed. There was something inside of me, I could feel it burning. It wasn't the familiar pit of burning embers I was used to feeling in my stomach. This was different. It started at the tips of my toes, spreading like a wildfire up my legs, but it didn't burn, it was a glowing warmth from the inside hitting every one of my nerves, raising all of the hairs on my body. I had never felt this before. The emptiness I had only ever known in this body was being replaced by something much more potent, and there was only one word to describe it. That one word, 'Cullen,' was synonymous with another powerful word that I never allowed myself to feel. Hope.

**.**

**2016 -:- Present Day**

THE WOLVES WORST FEARS were coming true. More vampires than they ever thought possible were going to be on their doorstep. They had heard our conversation about the Volturi, so it was no surprise they were on edge. Jacob and his pack had spent the last twenty-four hours at the house in discussions with Carlisle. For mediation sake, Billy and Sam had joined them hoping to keep things cordial. Having a mind reader and an empath in the house added to the complications. We tried our best not to be invasive, but with the wolves' animosity it was proving difficult.

Garrett didn't have much more information than what he had already shared. He didn't know how many of the Volturi Carmen and Eleazar had found, or who exactly they had found. At this point it was all speculation, but from what they had gathered, it was a respectable number. As to how many would actually show up on our doorstep? That was another worry.

"Should we evacuate the compound?" Sam asked. "Or at least the elderly and the children?" It was a fair question, but little did they know that old, young, healthy, or sick, if the Volturi wanted in that compound, nothing was going to stop them, not even a handful of wolves.

"I don't think you'll have to resort to that," Carlisle said. "At least I hope not. Despite how cruel the Volturi can be, I doubt their agenda to visit us involves the taking of human lives."

"That's a big risk you're asking us to take, Carlisle," Billy said, "but we'll trust you." The two exchanged a look that said everything that needed to be said, even despite me being able to read their minds. Billy was putting his faith in us, while Carlisle was putting his faith in God. Jacob, on the other hand, his faith lay in himself and his pack. He didn't want a peaceful discussion, and wasn't willing to take any risks or stand on the sidelines.

"We'll have to ask that no one leaves the compound during their visit," Carlisle added, looking at Jacob. "Which definitely includes you and your pack, Jacob. We can't risk them finding out about what you are. I'm not sure what they would do, but I'm certain they would deem you a threat, especially if Caius is with them. He has history with your kind. Let's not have any unnecessary bloodshed if we can avoid it." Carlisle gave Jacob a tight smile.

"I don't know about unnecessary," Quil joked, "but there sure would be bloodshed." The other wolves laughed with him.

"The Volturi are not to be treated lightly," Carlisle snapped, instantly regretting his tone. "I'm sorry," he apologized.

"Carlisle's right," Garrett said. His hand went instinctively to his neck. I saw a brief glimpse of something in his mind, a chamber of sorts, like a throne room. Garrett on his knees being held against his will by two hooded figures while the three ancient ones loomed over him. Through Garrett's eyes I saw Carlisle from another time, long before me or the family. He was standing behind Aro and his brothers, with his eyes filled with compassion for Garrett. The unexpected memory showed a look of surprise on my face letting Garrett know what I had seen.

 _Yes,_ his thoughts spoke out in my head, _Carlisle saved my life. He doesn't remember me, but I'll never forget. We're all connected in this, Edward, whether we choose to believe it or not. We all have something at stake. If there is anyone who can influence the Volturi, it's Carlisle. He can get them to see the right of things._

There was no doubt in my mind what Carlisle could and couldn't do, but I knew there would be more to it than that. There would be a cost, and I doubted any of us was prepared to accept what that cost would be.

"The Volturi are as unpredictable as they are predictable, if that makes any sense." Garrett rubbed a hand over his face trying to forget the past that led him to his confrontation with the Volturi. "We can expect them to make a bargain, but what we can't expect is what they're going to ask in return for helping us."

"Wait a minute," Jacob said. "Aren't they the people who rule your kind? Isn't this Maria trying to take over? Why wouldn't they want to take her down?"

"We don't know what kind of presence they have here," Carlisle explained. "We don't even know why they're here and not still in Italy. They must have been on this continent before everything happened, which means they were coming to find my family. Or I suppose it's possible they came after, but that means something terrible must have happened across the seas to make them want to come here. Either way, Aro will be looking to build up his own army." Carlisle looked from Jasper to me, knowing exactly what that would mean for our family. Carlisle cleared his throat, looking away. "I'm not able to make a bargain like that."

Frowning, Jacob sat back in his chair with a look of suspicion sweeping over his expression. "Why was he coming to find you and your family?"

"Aro is a collector of sorts," Carlisle said. "He goes looking for our kind with special abilities, like Jasper or Edward, and at the time, Alice especially. I can't imagine his agenda would have changed. If anything, he'll desire them more now. He'll need them. This time, I'm certain he won't be so agreeable if we refuse." Carlisle had collected himself, his voice was even and in control, but I knew the fears that played out in his head. Esme would be devastated after we were all gone, but it wasn't her he was most concerned about.

"Bella," I whispered, glancing at Carlisle who confirmed my fears with a nod.

She was still apprehensive with strangers, so thankfully, she had dragged Emmett and the others hunting, needing some distance from the wolves. Their aggression seemed to fuel her own anger, making it difficult to be around them for any extended period. She had chosen to stay out of these discussions, putting her trust in me and Garrett. It was a big step for her considering what went down on the training field.

"He's going to want her," Garrett said, cursing under his breath. "We're not about to trade one prison for another."

"I'll never let it happen," I said.

"Yeah, that's not an option." Billy spoke up on behalf of his friend. "Charlie will never let that happen either, and then we've got a whole new problem on our hands. Why Bella, anyway?"

"As far as abilities go," Carlisle said, his voice filled with admiration, "Bella's are... extraordinary."

"So, then how is this Aro any different from Maria?" Billy asked.

Carlisle leaned forward, and as he put his hands together he chuckled before answering. "That's just it, isn't it? Which is the lesser of two evils?"

"I'll take the Volturi," Jasper said, from the corner of the room. He'd been quiet up until this point, listening, taking everything in like the strategist he was.

"You don't know what you're saying," Carlisle said. "I've tried to live my life decently. Live by my rules, and in turn passed them on to all of you." He gave a solemn look to me and Jasper. "I have faith this was the right way to live. The only way. The Volturi have their own rules, their own convictions. If we want their help, we need to be prepared to sacrifice some things. What? I don't know, but whether it's Maria, or the Volturi, I can assure you the price we pay will be steep."

"What happens if they don't help you?" Billy asked. I could hear the thoughts turning in his head as he considered what it would mean, and how he already knew the truth to his question.

"We can't defeat Maria," Jasper said. "They'll definitely give us the advantage we need, enough to let us get to Emilia." He let me into his thoughts as to what he had surmised about the Volturi and how they could help, but also what it would cost. We both knew who Aro's targets would be. He would come after Alice first, and when he found out she could no longer see the future he would turn to me for my talents, then he would move on to Jasper and possibly Kate. Carlisle was right, Aro couldn't find out about Bella. She had to be kept from him.

"If Aro does come, no one is to touch him," Carlisle said. "Not if they can help it. I'll volunteer if he demands it. I've had some experience with him. Hopefully I can protect some secrets. I think it will be best if Bella and Kate stay at the compound, if that will be all right with you, of course." He nodded to Billy.

"They can stay," Billy offered. "We'll set them up in your house. We'll make sure no one goes near it for Bella's sake."

"The rest of us have to be here, but at least we can protect the two of them. It's possible Aro may already know about Bella from Eleazar, but we'll just have to take that chance."

"Good luck getting Bella to agree to that." Jacob laughed, folding his arms. _She's going to flay you. Can I watch?_ he added silently for me.

-:-

THE WOLVES LEFT WITH promises they would not return until we sent for them. It was difficult getting them to agree. I could read what each of them were thinking, and it wasn't in their nature to sit back and wait, not when such a large force of their enemy would be gathering miles from their home. Charlie and Seth were going to be another matter, but with Bella staying at the compound, hopefully it would mean Charlie would stay with her. The difficult part–as Jacob so delicately pointed out—was going to be convincing Bella, which would be next to impossible.

Bella hadn't returned yet with the others. I was left wandering around the house too restless to do anything productive. Even Garrett and Jasper left with the wolves to see Billy and Sam safely home. I should have gone with them, at least to stretch my legs, but having Carlisle to myself was a luxury I couldn't pass up. It had been much too long since we had one of our talks, and we were overdue. Carlisle had been guarding his mind from me ever since the wolves had left. At first I thought he was being kind, trying to give me some relief, which was sometimes his way, but it wasn't long before I realized he was hiding his thoughts from me, not shielding them. There was a big difference when it came to him. The others always hid their thoughts. There were things they didn't want me knowing—and things I definitely never wanted to know—but with Carlisle it was different. He hadn't specifically hidden his thoughts from me in a long time, not since we were back in Chicago.

It was late in the night, a few hours before dawn, when I sought out Carlisle in his study. I knocked, giving him the respect he deserved, and the sound of it seemed to echo throughout the empty house while I waited for his invitation to enter. He hesitated, to my surprise. For a moment I wasn't sure he would grant me an audience. His pause did nothing to satiate my growing fears.

"Carlisle, we need to talk." I said it quietly, hoping he wouldn't feel threatened by my words.

"Not now, Edward," he said from the other side of the door.

"You heard what Alice said earlier, no more secrets. No more lies. You promised you'd never keep things from me."

 _Not this time,_ his silence spoke volumes. Even the voice in his mind was subdued.

Ignoring Carlisle's wishes, I opened the door and stepped into the room. Three candles burned brightly along the far windowsill, casting my shadow along the bookshelf. It was looming over him, almost menacing even though it was not my intention.

"Please don't shut me out," I said. "What are you keeping from me?"

Bella's journal lay in front of him on his desk, his hand rested across it as though he was guarding it. It was open to the last entry which I knew by heart. I'd read the entire thing from cover to cover, but Carlisle had been studying it, like it held some hidden message or secret. Once was enough for me. I'd committed the journal to memory, every ounce of pain and suffering that had been inflicted on Bella, I didn't need the pages to remind me of what she had gone through.

' _Cullen' synonymous with 'hope.'_

Carlisle thought he had failed her.

"I'm going to have to ask you to stay out of my thoughts this once. They are mine. Please respect that."

I had never seen this side of him before, taking on this burden of being a savior. He'd been this way since Garret and Kate had come back announcing the Volturi's arrival.

I motioned to the chess table near the window, hoping he'd join me in continuing where we left off in our game. If we could play a little, perhaps he would relax enough to confide in me. It wasn't really fair when I played him, he hardly ever won, but he always thought of it as a learning experience, a way to challenge himself. I tried not to read his thoughts when we played, wanting to give him a fighting chance, but sometimes it was difficult for me not to cheat, to look ahead at what he was planning. I didn't like to lose any more than anyone else, but hopefully by playing tonight, he'd see I wasn't trying to get in his head, that I just wanted to talk.

Sitting down, I lifted my bishop moving it to e3, waiting for him to join me knowing he couldn't resist the game. After a long silent pause, his chair scraped across the hardwood floor and the candle flames flickered as he walked toward the little table. His form hovered over the board casting a shadow over his own pieces, putting them into full darkness. It was only for a fraction of a second, but a sense of dread swept through me. Before I could even confirm what it was, Carlisle sat down, and the feeling was gone. Without saying a word, or thinking a thought other than the game, he moved his rook to c8.

His eyes were cast downward, staring at the board, with his finger resting under his chin while he contemplated what his next move would be. Ignoring my gut, I chose to sweep whatever ominous feeling I had away, concentrating on the game instead. If he didn't want to talk, at least I'd get a good game out of him to distract me from my worries.

We sat in blissful silence for a few moves, too wrapped up in the game to have our thoughts drift to why I'd sought him out. When I sacrificed my bishop to his knight, he realized his mistake, and sat back laughing, placing his elbows on the arms of the chair.

"I'm done for now, aren't I?" he asked.

"Not yet," my queen took his knight, "but soon." Smiling, we both knew the real battle was about to begin. Within a few moves, both of us had lost a pawn, but my queen had been ever inching her way into the game to a point where she could do some serious damage, and he knew it.

"The only way to defeat her is with Aro's help." Carlisle moved another pawn forward. "I've poured over Bella's journal, Maria fears them."

"We take out Emilia," I said, "then Bella controls her army."

"She'll be heavily guarded. Maria won't risk it. We'd never get through."

Wanting him to take the bait, I moved my pawn to g4 trying to draw out his queen. It worked. His queen was out in the open now, away from his king, and I couldn't see it ever making it back to protect him. I studied the board, planning ahead, visualizing where the game was going to go, all the while staying out of Carlisle's head. I had to be smart about my next move, knowing it was going to change the game. I'd have to sacrifice a few more pieces to get where I needed to be.

"We can do it. Emilia is the key. We risk it all to get to her. It's our only chance."

"It's not our only option," Carlisle said, moving his rook exactly where I wanted it to be.

"We can't put our hope in the Volturi, you know what they'll want."

"Perhaps," he said, moving his bishop so my knight would be forced to take it. "But not if we make the offer first."

"No."

"Edward," he said, sitting back in his chair, and then he showed me exactly what he was planning.

"No," I said again.

His hands were steady as they hovered over the table. Instead of making his next move, he slowly and carefully began laying down each of the remaining pieces on his side of the board. All except for two. "Despite what the Volturi think, Esme is not the queen in this scenario, and I'm certainly not the king." With what little light there was in the room, it was enough for the windows to display our reflections back at us. Our figures were like ghosts in the glass, and that strange, foreboding feeling came back sweeping over my body, leaving only a sense of dread behind.

"Carlisle," I said, my tone changing as I lowered my chin to my chest, "there's no way any of us would allow that."

"I'm a pawn, a piece to be sacrificed to make it to the end of the game. Nothing more. I'm not a key player in this." His eyes leveled with mine, letting me know exactly who were the key players.

"You are anything but a pawn." I sat back in my chair, dismissing his ridiculous statement.

"My role is to bring the Volturi, whatever the cost."

"Does Esme know what you're planning?"

He straightened up in his chair, looking at the window seeing the same reflection I had seconds ago. "She does. We have no secrets between us."

"I'm sick and tired of everyone sacrificing themselves for this family!"

"That's precisely my point. You've done your part, Edward. You saved us all. Now it's my turn."

"But not at the cost of your life."

"I'd gladly exchange it to give the world some peace. If they ask for it, I _will_ give it to them." We met each other's eyes, holding the gaze for a few breaths. "Edward, I've lived a good and decent life. I have a strong coven. Aro has always been threatened by it. I won't sacrifice any of you to that life. I don't have the abilities that you and the others have, but to him I still hold a power almost as great as his. He'll see it more with Tanya's family here with us. We are growing, a strong force bound by me, at least that is what he will think. He'll not ignore that. My life as payment, he may demand it, it's an option we need to consider."

"An option!" I stood up, my thigh catching the table, knocking the rest of the chess pieces about. My throat tightened as I struggled to get the words out. "Your life is not an option. We can't..." I put my head in my hands. "I told you once I can't live this life without you. I need you. We all do."

"Edward," he said softly, "I'm not the king. You will go on without me."

"And Esme? Will she?"

"She will make her own decision when the time comes."

"She won't live without you. You can't do this to her," I said, looking him straight in the eyes.

Slowly, he stood up, resting his hands on my shoulders. He gave me a gentle squeeze, and then placed a hand on my head. I knew his words were going to be final, but I couldn't accept them, I wouldn't. There was going to be another way, even if I had to agree to Aro's terms myself. I would serve him if it meant my family's lives would be spared. I saw Carlisle's thoughts as though he had read my own.

_Would you be separated from Bella again? Or worse, damn her to another prison, another monster when she makes the decision to follow you?_

He knew how to hit where it hurt the most. That was exactly the reason why he and Esme had already talked this through. It was a decision he didn't want me to have to make. His hand slid down the back of my head, giving my neck one last squeeze. Everything he felt for me, for all of us, was in that one gesture. He turned to leave the room, but not before one last thought rang through his head.

_The Volturi have never done anything without a price._

As I watched him leave in the reflection of the window, I realized the God he believed in so much was not through with any of us.

Damn this family and its sacrifices. When would it be enough?

-:-

I SMELLED HER THE minute she stepped foot into the house. My body relaxed now that she was with me again. I wondered if it would always be this way when we were separated, if I would always be on edge without even realizing it. Would I get used to it? Or would it be like that for the few decades I would be with the Volturi—surely they wouldn't ask more than that of me.

Carlisle was right, I wouldn't put her through that life again. She would stay here with my family, I'd make Garrett insist upon it. She would listen to him if she wouldn't listen to me. Of course there was a small part of me that wondered if she even loved me enough to protest, if she would sacrifice her freedom for me.

"Hi," she said from the doorway. I took a deep breath to get my fill of her.

"Hi." I sat up, swinging my legs off of the couch, but I didn't make a move toward her. She could sense my heavy heart and was at my side in an instant. Pulling her onto my lap, I kissed her soundly, reveling in her touch, the taste of her and the way her skin felt underneath my fingertips.

"That bad?" she asked, leaning her forehead against mine.

"Worse."

"Emmett was right."

"What's that?"

"We're disaster magnets."

I pulled back from her, laughing. "You heard that conversation?"

"Vampire hearing, remember?"

"It never ends, does it?" I filled her in on the conversation with the wolves, finishing off with my talk with Carlisle and what his intentions were. She sat patiently while I spoke, holding on to her anger until I had finished. I saw it in her eyes, I just wasn't sure who it was directed toward. It truly was frustrating not having that insight into her thoughts.

She moved off of my lap, sitting at the other end of the couch, facing me with her knees bent in front of her. I suppose I didn't need her thoughts to know what she was thinking, her body language was enough for me.

"What is it?" I said.

She scoffed, folding her arms.

"What?" I said again, my voice a little higher than usual.

"Domestic bliss, Edward! Get used to it!" Emmett yelled from below us. "Just tell her you're wrong and you're sorry. Works every time."

With super speed, I closed the door—not that it would help—and sat down close to her, resting my hands on her knees. "Bella, please tell me what I did." Her eyes narrowed, and in my head I replayed all that I had told her, wondering where it was that I'd gone wrong.

She moved out from under me in the blink of an eye, standing over me, glaring down. "You want me to hide? Hide. Really?" My eyes widened in shock. "Have you learned nothing in the last ten years? I'm not going to _hide_ away at the compound."

"Neither am I!" Kate yelled from downstairs. "So, you can forget it, buster," she said. I could see through her mind she was poking Garrett in the chest.

Nothing was private in this house. Ever. We might as well have called a family meeting. It was foolish of Garrett and I to think the two of them would go quietly to the compound while the Volturi were here. Kate and Bella hadn't been united in much since their return, but they were united in this. I didn't wish to carry on this discussion within the hearing of the others, not when I had yet to tell Bella my own decision.

"Privacy, please!" I yelled back at them. "Can you give us an hour to ourselves?" I made a mental note to myself: if we were going to stay here and survive all that was coming, Bella and I were going to have to get our own space.

"You only need an hour?" Emmett laughed. "Poor, Bella." I would have yelled back, but I heard Esme scolding everyone as she ushered them out of the house. She and Carlisle were the only ones who remained.

"I'm not hiding," Bella said.

"Okay. It was wrong of me to assume it. I'm sorry. I was only thinking of Charlie." I reached for her hands, and thankfully she let me hold them. I took my chances, pushing my luck by pulling her between my legs. She willingly came, much to my relief. "Can you promise me one thing, then?"

She put her hands on my cheeks, rubbing her thumbs across my skin. "Depends."

"You can't show them what you can do. No matter what happens, you must not interfere and use your powers. If Aro knows what you can do..."

"Edward," she sighed, leaning in to give me a quick kiss.

Lifting her up to sit across my lap, I put my arms around her, holding her close. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, but you're not forgiven that easily." Her words contradicted her actions, and my body responded when I felt her lips on my neck. "You think I don't know you," she mumbled against my skin. "You knew what Carlisle was planning, and I know what you're planning." She turned my head to face her, staring directly into my eyes. "If you think you're going to offer yourself up to the Volturi without me, you're wrong." My head jerked back out of her hands, and I frowned. "Oh, please," she said. "You're not the only self-sacrificing person around here. I can trump you and Carlisle any day. I'll take the Volturi over Maria, and I will, as long as you're with me. You're not going anywhere without me. If the Volturi want us, we'll go to keep the family safe."

"I can't ask you to do that."

"What's one cage for another, Edward? If it means everyone is safe then I'll do it. I've never known any anything different. It can't be worse than what I've endured. We'll have eternity, what's a few years? As long as we're together."

"Bella," I started to say, but she cut me off with her lips which held an urgency behind them. I couldn't argue with that logic, and I didn't want to.

We both knew Esme and Carlisle had been listening to our conversation, but they had kept their thoughts quiet from me. It was only as we heard them leaving the house to give us the privacy we needed that Carlisle finally said something to me.

_Every one of us would willingly sacrifice ourselves to protect the queen._

**-:- End of Part 2 -:-**


	34. PART III-You Can't Get Blood Out of a Stone

**-:- PART III -:-**

" _Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile."_

— _Albert Einstein_

_  
_

**CHAPTER 33**

_**-:- You Can't Get Blood Out of a Stone -:-** _

* * *

THE WAITING WAS OVER. The Volturi would arrive before the afternoon. It took two days to hear from Carmen and Eleazar. Our kind was good with waiting—time was endless—but the two days were trying at best. The house was too crowded, keeping everyone on edge which made it difficult to have a conversation without an argument ensuing. Esme was ready to rip our throats out if the Volturi didn't beat her to it. We all just wanted the visit—or confrontation—over with, but now that the time had arrived we felt like it wasn't enough.

We chose to meet the Volturi and their guard beyond the house at our football field, the same field we had played a game in the mud not too long ago and forgot all of our troubles for a few hours. Esme didn't want the Volturi near the house, so it was the only viable option large enough where no one would feel plagued by the amount of vampires we expected to gather in one location.

It was raining this early morning, something we hadn't anticipated, but there was nothing to be done about it. If anything, it would wash away the lingering smells of the humans from the compound, and of course the wolves.

I hadn't spoken with Carlisle again since the other night. The house was too busy with everyone rushing around. We'd only managed to have one final family meeting to discuss our strategy, and it was decided Carlisle would speak for us, and I would help provide any of the missing details the Volturi did not wish to share openly. The two of us would stand united with the rest behind us, and Garrett and Bella remaining at the back. It was a struggle to get Bella to agree, but since Garrett had no wish to call attention to himself, she reluctantly decided to stay with him.

While we awaited their arrival, I cast one last glance at Bella. The rain had plastered her hair to her head, as well as her clothes to her body. She stood with her back straight and her shoulders square with her arms resting at her sides. It wasn't hard to miss the clenched fists or the determination in her stance. She was staring straight ahead through to the woods—the same spot everyone else was watching. She hadn't noticed my gaze, and I was eternally grateful for the stolen moment. Dressed in a blood red, long-sleeved T-shirt, she stood out from everyone else who chose shades of grey and black to wear. She had planned this, I realized, as a message to me. Although she had consented to stand in the back with the others, she wouldn't blend in. She wouldn't sit back and let us make all of the decisions. The red was to draw attention to herself without going back on her promise to me. She was clever. Fierce. With black pants curving her figure, hugging tightly to her legs and tucked into a pair of black boots that came up just past her ankles, she was ready for anything that would come her way. Still and unyielding, carved like the chess piece in Carlisle's study, she really was a warrior. A true queen and we were her pawns.

I committed the vision to memory.

Feeling my eyes on her, her focus changed to me, and then she gave me the most heartbreaking of smiles. I committed that vision to memory as well. Neither of us said the words; we didn't need to when our eyes said everything. My chest swelled with pride and with the love I had for this equal of mine. I would follow her anywhere. With one last silent promise, we both turned our attentions to the sounds coming from the tree line across the field.

I wasn't sure what I expected. Maybe I anticipated pageantry and beauty, or a solid force marching in step. The Volturi were none of these things. They came through the trees walking as any one of us would have walked. Maybe I had expected them to be our saviors, regal with savoir-faire, but it was clear the Volturi had taken their knocks over the years. Gone was the uniformity Aro and his brothers prided themselves on. The mass walked with slow, deliberate movements, and to a casual observer they would have seemed ragged, or downtrodden, but perhaps this was their ruse just as the Humvees mounted with guns had been ours. There were more of them than we thought would have come, and their numbers helped to solidify the strength of their deadly force if their appearance hadn't.

As they spread out—matching our line—they doubled us, and we knew they would have more from where they came from. The Volturi had been recruiting, that much was obvious. Carlisle recognized half of the faces, only the ones closest to Aro, Caius and Marcus—the once leaders of our race. Their personal guards surrounded them, wearing black cloaks, cowled and shadowed, while the rest were dressed with mismatched clothing of what I could only assume was from their victims. Even in the rain I could see the few dark cloaks were tattered, and not the lush, thick velvet the guard had worn for centuries.

The Volturi may not have looked as formidable as they once were, but the voices inside their heads definitely were. The one thing which remained consistent amongst our visitors was the scowls on their faces. None of them looked happy to be here. None except Aro.

"Carlisle, my old friend." Aro held his hand out expecting Carlisle to greet him, but Carlisle did not accept his offer, instead he greeted him from where he stood. It was what we discussed in the family meeting. One touch from Aro and he would know all of our secrets. We weren't prepared to show him our strategy this early, and only would if it was absolutely necessary.

"Aro, it's good to see you." Carlisle smiled. It was unexpectedly genuine. He was glad to see Aro alive and well. "I can't say I'm surprised you survived, but I am surprised you're here on this side of the world with your guard, and your wife." He nodded to the cloaked figure at the back of the column who was heavily surrounded by more guards. My family's thoughts were curious about her, no one—apart from Carlisle—had seen the infamous wives of the Volturi. "What has happened to Volterra?"

"Our sanctuary was decimated, burned to the ground. We lost half of our guard, my brother," he motioned to Caius, "lost his wife when she would not leave our beloved city. So many shared her fate." He turned to the vampires standing next to him. I recognized Jane and Alec as they lifted their hoods, but the woman standing next to him, I did not know. In his thoughts, he called her Renata, his personal protection from what I could ascertain.

"Caius and his wife refused to believe your little seer," Aro said. My eyes turned to the grieving man, but he wasn't just grieving for the loss of his wife and his city, there was more to his thoughts. He wanted revenge, and our family was the target of that revenge. Even though Alice had tried to warn them, Caius still blamed us for the destruction. This meeting was not going to go how we had hoped, not when Caius was out for blood.

"He paid for his cynicism dearly." Aro's gaze still remained on Carlisle, but in his mind he was seeing everything and everyone. I could learn a lot from this man and his seamless observations. Nothing had escaped Aro. Our numbers, the state of our clothing, the color of our eyes, he had taken it all in, and drew one conclusion as to who was responsible for our relative good fortune.

Searching Aro's mind, I saw what had become of their city and most of the inhabitants. Europe hadn't faired any better than North America, worse actually, which was why they had crossed the ocean years ago. Aro had come here for one purpose only: to seek out Alice. She was a prize he was determined to have and he wouldn't stop until he had her by his side sharing what the fates had laid out for him and his brothers.

With a slight nod and a finger signal to Jasper and Carlisle, I confirmed our earlier suspicions. It was the future Aro wanted, and he would have Alice give it to him.

"And yet you believed," Carlisle said.

"I've always believed in this one." His eyes narrowed in on Alice. Jasper instinctively stepped in front of her, feeling the animosity rolling off of Caius and some of the guard. From the corner of my eye, I caught Jane's smirk.

Turning his lips up into a tight smile, Aro leered at Alice as he clasped his hands together. "Tell us, dear Alice, what does the future hold for us now?" Jasper took another step forward, but Carlisle raised his hand to stop him.

Laughing, Aro said, "This must be Jasper. I've heard so much about you, as well. You interest me, not as much as young Edward, or Alice, but enough to warrant a demonstration. What say you, Jasper?" He smiled wickedly and mused, "Manipulate me."

There was an absolute silence which stretched to an eerie, uncomfortable state while the family watched Jasper through guarded eyes wondering if he was going to take the bait. Alice slipped her hand in Jasper's, squeezing tight until his shoulders relaxed. We all felt the effect she had on him.

"Oh! How fascinating. Did you feel that?" Aro turned to Marcus, his expression solemn and bored. "Carlisle, it seems your family is rather wary of me. They have nothing to fear from me. We are all that is left. We all want the same thing."

"And what exactly is that, Aro?"

"Why, to restore order, of course. Isn't that why you sought us out? You want our help. If we had known you would have returned here so soon, we would have visited earlier." At his words, I heard Jacob's uneasy voice in my head coming from the direction of the trees. Downwind and hiding near the cliffs, the wolf pack had not kept to their part of the bargain to stay away like we'd asked of them. Apart from me, no one had discovered their presence… yet.

 _We're just curious, Edward. Looking to see what we're up against,_ Jacob said in my head. It was his way of apologizing for breaking their word. If only my powers worked both ways, I could have demanded they leave before it went too far. This was another complication we didn't need.

 _Consider us your backup,_ said Quil.

 _What is it, Edward?_ It only took a subtle nod toward the trees and Carlisle understood. _Jacob?_ he asked, followed by some curses. It had been a long time since I heard him speak like that, and it proved difficult to keep my reaction in check along with his. Masking his own emotions, Carlisle carefully chose his next words for Aro, making sure to leave any accusation out of his voice. "You know what's been happening, then?"

"Oh, for some time now," Aro said. "We've been monitoring the situation. We have a few spies in the rebels' midst. Maria has always been troublesome. We should have destroyed her the first time, but she will serve her purpose." With his eyes gleaming, there was no mistaking what purpose Maria would serve even with access to his thoughts.

"Purpose?" Jasper asked.

Aro laughed in return, a deep roar straight from his stomach, igniting a few more snickers from the rest of his guard. "Yes... that's right. You have quite the history with her, young one. Don't worry, she's not a threat at the moment."

"Not a threat?" Jasper started to become agitated. "When was the last time you heard from your so called spies?"

Aro wasn't going to divulge that information, so I answered for him. "It's been over two years."

"My people are loyal to me," Aro said with a threat behind his words. "Two years is nothing in this lifetime."

"They're probably dead," Jasper said.

"True, I suppose, but how does this really concern us? What does your little one see?" He looked over Jasper's shoulder at Alice with his eyes wide from excitement. He held out his hand to her. "May I?" At least he had asked, I thought, but I saw what was in his head, and he had no idea what Maria had been doing, nor did he care. His spies had not offered any of the details Garrett and Bella had lived through.

"He doesn't know," I said to my family, trying to deflect his interest in Alice. "His spies only informed him of the raids, nothing else. He knows nothing of what's happening deep within Maria's caves, or what she's planning."

To the rest of my family, Aro's expression hadn't changed. It was a mask of indifference, but inside his head there was a war going on. He didn't like being played a fool, which made him angry for not having the upper hand.

 _Easy, Edward_ , Carlisle said.

"We can rectify this," Aro said. "Just one simple touch. Harmless. All of this secrecy and doubt can be washed away."

Caius was smiling—if that man could smile.

Aro had moved his chess piece thinking he had control of the board by forcing us into a position with no viable option other than allowing his touch. The lack of faith would show the Volturi we were not to be trusted. Caius would refuse to believe anything we had to say without the proof he needed, and to do that, one of us would have to let Aro have access to every thought we ever had.

He was eyeing Alice—the future was enticing to him—especially the future of our family. Aro wanted to see how capable she was, and he was more than pleased with how this was playing out. They could go back to where they came from without a second thought, letting Maria wipe out our family—everyone but Alice, of course.

"Jasper," I said, "you're going to have to show him." I could hear the protests of my family loud and clear. Jasper was hesitant, unsure he was the one to do this, but he knew it was better than letting Aro have access to Alice. We didn't know how he would react to hearing the news of her… disability. It was a dangerous game we were playing, but Alice was the only leverage we had. If he knew she no longer had her visions, then we had nothing to bargain with to get their help.

_I don't think I can hold back things we want to keep private._

"There's no other way," I said, looking at Jasper. "He needs to see for himself. We don't have a choice."

 _Can I break it off before it goes too far?_ Jasper was worried about Bella and what her relationship with Maria was.

I shook my head. It didn't work like that. With one touch Aro would know every single thought Jasper ever had. If only it was like a computer, uploading things in sequence not all at once, I could monitor it and pull him free before he got to Alice, the wolves and Bella. It was a big _if_ and, from what Carlisle had told us, wasn't how it worked. Hopefully in this particular case, the ends would have to justify the means.

"And why does this one offer himself to me?" Aro asked, disappointed it wouldn't be his coveted prize.

"I've been in the caves. I was with Maria, so I know what she's been doing."

"Full of surprises..." Aro said. He lifted his hand again, expecting Jasper to come forth to bridge the distance.

Alice clutched his arm, refusing to let him go. Leaning down, he gave her a quick kiss, placing his palm over the necklace the humans at the compound had given her. The two were never one for words, not when Jasper could sense what Alice was feeling. He smiled, gracing her with one last kiss before moving toward Aro. The guard visibly tensed, and Jane was especially hostile as Jasper approached her master.

 _Let's hope it doesn't get too far,_ Jasper said to me before taking hold of Aro's hand.

An onslaught of images and thoughts streamed from Jasper's mind—all in the blink of an eye—and at that precise moment, I tackled him to the ground clearing him of Aro's reach. I was quick, but not quick enough. It was too late to hide Bella from Aro, and too late for the wolves, which brought a whole new complication to this endeavor. Luckily, Jasper hadn't known the wolves were waiting in the wings, so to speak.

Aro was outraged by my interference, even if his face didn't show it. I had confirmed we were hiding things from him, and now he was about to show us who were the rulers here. There was no doubt I had just made matters worse, but when I caught a glimpse of Bella's face in the caves, something in me broke. I reacted without thinking.

 _Edward! What have you done?_ Carlisle's voice—along with those of my family—rang out in my head.

I could feel Jane's penetrating glare waiting for the order from her master.

"Don't do this," Carlisle pleaded as he moved to stand in front of Aro. His hands were raised in peace while trying to protect me and Jasper as we slowly stood up. Looking over my shoulder to Jacob, I willed him to stay with a slight shake of the head. He was itching to run, ready to explode through the trees and finally have a chance at destroying some vampires.

"Jane, dear one," it was all that was needed from Aro for Jane to step back in line with the others, "not yet," he said with a warning. The tension was building between everyone, it was charged like electricity in the air. One false move and lightning would strike. Despite the strain and the betrayal Aro was feeling, what he had seen from Jasper had revealed a lot. It had unnerved him. It didn't show on his expression, but the images with Maria were clearly astonishing and overwhelming. Jasper could feel his apprehension as well. Aro hadn't expected to see the 'cavalry' she had been building.

"She's been keeping her numbers well hidden from us," Aro eventually said. "This is an unexpected turn of events. But it seems you, Carlisle, have secrets as well."

"We're willing to be open and honest with you, Aro. We all have a common goal."

"What exactly is _your_ goal, old friend?" He tilted his head, and both Carlisle and I knew where this was going to go.

"To restore order to our kind," Carlisle said, choosing his words carefully. "Maria's gone past all reasoning. There is and always will be a delicate balance between us and the humans. It's a food chain like anything else. Disrupt the order and no one survives."

"Except you and your family." Aro held out his arm, sweeping over Eleazar's family as well. "You would have us change our ways. Rule our kind differently."

"I cannot change what is in our nature. I only offer a choice. We do not wish to change anyone."

"Such a pacifist, dear Carlisle. If your heart could bleed it would for these humans."

"It would bleed for all living things."

"But we are not living, are we? By the very definition of your chosen profession, _Doctor._ "

"Regardless what I believe or not, it will come down to numbers. It may take decades, but at the alarming rate she is destroying life and creating newborns, it will happen. Humans will be outnumbered. The population was decimated, and your food source will continue to diminish."

"We've survived thousands of years. This is yet another blip on the earth's timeline. A significant blip, but still a blip," Caius said, waving his hand in dismissal, but Aro was smart enough to contemplate Carlisle's words. I saw the numbers he had. He still maintained a substantial amount of guard, continually recruiting more into his circle, and all of them kept to the old ways. They were looking for a new 'home,' a new place to reign and rebuild what they had in Volterra. He would be happy enough to let Maria wipe out Carlisle and the rest of us so he could take over this continent. What he couldn't decide was who the bigger threat was.

His eyes glanced to the two families who had merged into one strong coven. We were a definite risk. Our power lay in our relationships which was obvious to him. Reaching his hand out in invitation to Marcus, he wanted to confirm the strength of the bonds that bound all of us to one another. As Marcus placed his hand in Aro's, his callous eyes sought me out. He was aware I could read his thoughts and he wanted me to see what he saw.

At first I wasn't sure what I was observing. It was like a haze drifting over the field, or wisps of fog encasing each person. As I looked closer at the mist I saw it was offset with the subtlest of colors, like a kaleidoscope of brilliant bursts of light _,_ and then I realized each of the colors led to a person: Red for Rosalie, blue for Alice, pink for Esme and so many more. I raised my own hand, and there in the palm was a shade of translucent violet, but it wasn't alone. All of the shades surrounded it, but closest to the violet was a soft, royal color of gold, which I saw hovering around Bella's frame. There were a myriad of colors and strands connecting each of my family, all blending into one tendril of incandescent light and it glowed brightly. Every relationship was highlighted as though there was a road map to navigating our family and what we meant to one another. Not one was weaker than another. Each was strong and pulsating in its own way. These were the 'bonds' Marcus could see, and now he had allowed me to see them too.

 _Aro has eyes, but he does not see. He never has._ Marcus had let go of Aro's hand but his eyes remained focused on mine. He showed me again what his powers could do and how they worked, but this time he turned his attentions to the Volturi. The tendrils were there, reaching out to each of them, binding them together, but they were clouded with darker shades of grays and browns, not the bright and lively iridescence that was found amongst my family. There were some stronger, brighter ones, but for the most part the connections seemed weak and dull, far from glowing in comparison.

_We had a vampire who bound us, but she was destroyed in the fires with Caius' wife. With her destruction, the loyalty she forged as the truth died with her._

If what Marcus was saying was genuine, and I had no reason to doubt him, then Aro would view us as a far greater threat than Maria and her army.

 _Only once have I seen a bond such as you and the one dressed in red you hide in the back. Treasure it._ With a face filled with apathy and repugnance, Marcus finally looked away from me. His dead expression said nothing of what Jasper felt coming from him, or what I witnessed in his exchange. I didn't know why he revealed all that he had, but there was a profound sadness in him.

Aro smiled. "As I'm sure you've noticed, Edward," he nodded, "even Marcus is surprised by what you've created here."

Looking over at Bella, I saw our colors bound tightly around us in a halo. It was for the span of a breath and then the unified light was gone.

She was watching me, and with her eyes she was asking me if I was okay.

Nodding, I gave her a brief smile before turning back to Marcus, but he had no further interest in me. It was obvious Aro knew who Bella was and what she meant to me, Marcus would have shown him. The panic started to settle in as I focused my attentions back to Aro and Carlisle.

"It looks to me like you don't need the help we can offer you," Aro said.

"We cannot defeat her on our own. Her numbers are too great," Carlisle said. "We're asking for your assistance. What can we do to gain your favor?"

Aro chuckled, amused as though he was a child picking from a bag full of candy. "Just an errant thought," he said, and his attentions turned to Alice again.

"My family?" Carlisle said. "They aren't possessions. You've never understood that. Every one of them is free to make their own choice. We are together because we love each other."

"Love?" We all watched Aro's face. It seemed he was fascinated, but his thoughts were bitter and cruel. "You think these immortals love you?" He continued his mocking. It was as Marcus said: he refused to see it. "That is amazing. Simply amazing. _Fear_ binds loyalty, not love." Aro nodded to Jane and instantly Carlisle fell to his knees writhing in pain. Jane stood smiling at Aro's side while Carlisle's entire body was clenched in agony with his fingers locked tight, just like his jaw.

Running to Carlisle, I tried to shield him from Jane's gaze while Jasper went for Jane. He dropped like Carlisle had, and the pain reverberated through the rest of us as Jane narrowed her focus on Jasper. Carlisle had stilled, but we all felt Jasper's pain as Jane continued her assault on him. It happened fast, but I was one step ahead of everyone with access to their thoughts.

"Emmett, stay back!" I yelled. "Rosalie, grab Alice. Everyone, stay back." I didn't think I could handle seeing Alice fall under Jane's torture if she rushed to Jasper's side. His pain was seething through each of us only making everything worse. We couldn't afford to take on the Volturi, not when Maria would be breathing down our necks soon. We needed all of us alive and healthy, and we needed them on our side.

"Aro, please, we can—" I was next, falling to my knees while the pain raked through my body as though every nerve ending was on fire. Screaming as the burning spread, the agony tore through me making it unbearable to think of anything but making it end any way possible. As quick as my wishes came, the pain ceased.

"Enough!" Bella cried out, and my heart clenched knowing what this meant. Before I could stop her, Jane flew backward from the force of Bella's power, landing a few feet away on her backside. Rolling, Jane jumped to her feet in a fighter's stance poised for attack. She sought out the person behind the voice, and when her eyes caught sight of Bella who was being held back by Garrett, I leapt in front of Jane shielding Bella as best I could.

"Oh, how wonderful!" Aro clapped his hands together. His joy was somewhat of a surprise to all of us, even his brothers. They gawked while my family slowly recovered.

Alice had her arms wrapped tightly around Jasper. Her thoughts were murderous toward Jane. The family was in one piece for the most part, but Alice vowed to see Jane dead after all this was done, unless Esme beat her to it. Dropping to Carlisle's side—who seemed to have gotten the brunt of Jane's force—Esme helped him stand while letting him rest his weight on her.

I had heard tales of what Jane could do, but never thought I'd get to feel it, or see the man I thought of as my father succumb to her torture. He was shaken, but seemed unharmed. We all were.

 _I'm okay,_ he managed to say to me. _Don't let Aro see what Bella can do._

"Who is this marvelous creature?" Having now started to process through Jasper's thoughts and memories, he knew who Bella was and he was engrossed by her. "You've been so quiet standing back there with the _Revolutionary_ at your side. One would think Carlisle was trying to hide you from me." Aro had taken notice of Bella at the time of their arrival just like she had hoped. "Come forward, child. No one will harm you." Straightening up with my jaw clenched, I stepped directly in front of her path to him. Aro asked Jane to stand down, and she obeyed, hissing her disapproval at me with promises of having her way with me and the woman I was trying to protect.

"This is Bella, our daughter," Carlisle's voice was shaky, but he gripped Esme's hand as they both stood tall and proud.

"Another one," Aro mused, eyeing Bella carefully. His eyes snapped to me. "Isabella? Fascinating. Just fascinating. There were rumors of you, once upon a time. She is but a decade old?" He noticed the scars on her neck. "I see it was a long decade for you. I must know the story behind this." He looked directly at me. "She is yours, is she not?"

"I am no one's," Bella said, stepping out from behind me.

Aro laughed deeply, his hands moving to his mouth in surprise. His face was politely amused. He turned to Jane, and with one look, she silently attacked Bella to no avail. Jane hissed in frustration, but continued her assault. Bella was immune to Jane. It was something Carlisle had wondered, but neither of us was willing to have that theory tested. Now it looked like we didn't have to.

I gave Bella a quick smile, before turning back to Jane. "Stop it," I growled. "Turn off your guard dog, Aro."

"Wonderful! She's impervious to you, dear one." Stepping forward with his personal guard following close behind, Aro held out his hand toward her. "I simply must know who this beauty is."

"No." I shook my head, and moved in front of Bella again.

Glaring at me, Aro called to Jane, but Bella pushed me aside before Jane could get to me. "You'll not harm any of them again," she bargained.

"Very well, then." Aro turned his hand over, palm up, and with the slightest gesture of his fingers, he beckoned her forward, waiting for Bella to place her hand in his. When she did, his face registered his shock. For once his expression matched that of his thoughts. He was astounded by Bella. "I must know the extent of your power."

"What I can and cannot do," Bella said, "is not important right now." The wind took that opportune moment to pick up, whipping Bella's hair up and around her making it seem as though she had done it herself which added to the threat behind her words. It was impressive whether she'd done it intentionally or not. The rest of the guard tensed as all eyes were on Bella, waiting and wondering what exactly this vampire—who could withstand Jane and Aro—would do.

I didn't need Garrett screaming in my head to tell me Bella was standing at the edge of a precipice, dangerously close to going over. I knew that look on Bella's face and the hostility in her posture to know she was channeling her own inner demons, trying to control her anger and eclipse the heat building inside of her. This was exactly what Carlisle and I had been worried about. Bella, or this _Phoenix_ , was a wildcard. She was a newborn without a lot of control, especially when it came to dealing with ancient ones like Aro.

Reaching out, I grasped her fist, coaxing her fingers to relax and hold tight to my hand instead. She breathed deeply, closing her eyes while her hand squeezed my own. Seconds, which felt like minutes, passed while I waited for my Bella to return to me. When she opened her eyes, it was her I saw, not her other self. She was back in control. I didn't need to read her mind to see the apology in her eyes. If it wasn't for Aro's watchful gaze, scrutinizing every one of our actions, I would have leaned down to capture her lips with mine. We were getting good at this silent communication, and this new connection we had between the two of us was beyond what I ever hoped for.

From Aro's thoughts, I had expected him to be smiling, but when I turned to him he was anything but. The look in his eyes was calculating. He wanted Bella, and he would not be denied her. The monster inside me started to rear its ugly head. I didn't realize I was growling until Bella had placed her hand on my chest, soothing me just as I had soothed her. We all had our inner demons, and mine could be just as deadly as the others, if not more so when it came to threats against Bella.

"Carlisle, this _family_ ," Aro said, spitting the word out while his eyes were still trained on me, "you pride yourself on, has some disciplinary issues. You need to train them better." He turned to glare at Carlisle, and Jane's gaze followed with his. "Do you disagree?"

Another test from Aro, but Carlisle knew Aro. His time with the Volturi centuries ago had taught him a lesson in futility. "Aro, please accept my deepest apologies for their behavior. They are still young, they do not know our ways, or of the respect you deserve. Much has happened in the last decade." Carlisle bowed his head, and it angered me as well as the rest of the family to have to give in to the Volturi like this.

"So much they would forget with whom they are speaking with?" Caius snapped back. "They should be destroyed for their insolence alone."

"Caius..." Aro held his hand up.

"What's to stop us from killing you all, right now?" Caius asked.

"Me," Bella said simply.

The Volturi laughed, every one of them but Marcus and Aro.

"You've only seen a small portion of what I can do." There was no mistaking the threat behind Bella's words, and both Carlisle and I sucked in air at her blatant animosity toward them.

"Brother," Caius said, "it is obvious they do not need our help. Not with a grand one such as this in their midst." Caius mocked, gesturing to the guard to join him in his mirth. "Clearly, this gifted one can fight their battles for them." He turned back to Aro. "I tire of this, let us be on our way."

Aro's eyes never left Bella, still as calculating as ever. "Well, Carlisle, what have you to say? Why do you seek our assistance?"

 _Edward, Bella is strong. I have no doubt she could destroy most of them, but we need them._ Carlisle looked at me in silence, his face unresponsive and grave but his thoughts rang loud and clear. After a few seconds I flinched away. I was to keep Bella in check, letting him speak for all of us. It was Carlisle's turn to break through their line of defense and equalize the board, or at the least end this confrontation in a draw.

"Maria has a vampire with her," Carlisle began. "A newborn who can neutralize the gifts we've been graced with. I'm not sure exactly how it works, since I've not experienced it but Jasper and Bella have. If I'm to understand them," he turned to Jasper, "it's like she can draw it out, filling the space inside with a black cloud, a void, where the power should be. Bella's ability doesn't work when she's near her. She's vulnerable, as are the rest of us. The only advantage in this kind of fighting is strength and numbers, which Maria clearly has. We need help destroying this vampire."

I squeezed Bella's hand again, hoping she had understood Carlisle's relayed message. Her eyelids fluttered, as she bit her lip trying to control her anger. She wanted to defend herself, I could see it in her face, but she also wanted to make Carlisle proud, so she raised her head, setting her shoulders in place while she waited for Aro's relentless scrutiny.

His eyes lit up at hearing about a vampire with so much power. He smiled, but we could all see the evil behind it. "The yin to your yang," he said to Bella. "How interesting. I would like to see this vampire, see the two of you together. Destroying one who would be so useful seems like such a waste, Carlisle. Unnecessary."

"It's necessary." Carlisle stepped forward. "There's one more thing," he said, piquing Aro's curiosity. "This vampire, Emilia, is an immortal child." We heard the gasps through the guard, and the murmurs of disbelief. "Maria has created a half dozen or so. She'll create more."

"Lies! Immortal children are forbidden," Caius said. "They spin tales to gain our favor."

Aro knew we were telling the truth, he had searched through his mind looking for Jasper's thoughts to confirm it, but he wasn't ready to let the others know. The child intrigued him.

"Aro," Marcus' voice was quiet, weak, but his eyes were telling a different story. There was a strength there, hidden behind his indifference. "Immortal children must all be destroyed. It is our way."

Aro paused while he contemplated his next move. To disagree with Marcus would cause discord amongst his guard. For thousands of years, the laws against Immortal Children were governed by the Volturi. To let Emilia, and the rest of her kind, live because of her abilities would go against everything the Volturi stood for. He had to tread lightly and carefully if he was to maintain the order he desired.

"My brother has spoken," Aro said. "We will help you destroy the children. Our laws are our laws." I saw the thoughts turning in his head, while the corner of his lip turned up. "Of course, we'll require a deposit for our aid. We have much to lose as well."

"Never," I growled, my fists clenched in anger knowing the payment he wanted.

"Now, Edward, there is room for the both of you. I wouldn't dream of separating you. Marcus has shown me it would be impossible."

"What is it?" Bella asked, linking her arm around mine.

"He wants us all," I said, my eyes never leaving Aro's. "Jasper, Alice, Kate, but mostly he wants you. We're to join the Volturi guard."

"Aro," there was fear in Carlisle's voice, "they are my family."

"And from what you've told me today, there won't be much of them left when Maria comes for you, will there?"

"Please," Esme pleaded, "we just got them back. Don't take them from me."

"They will serve their time, help us establish our rule to make our presence known again, and then they will be free to go. One hundred years." His tone was victorious, knowing he had us, and enjoying the upper hand he had once again established. "The price of our help is great, _Mrs. Cullen_ , but your need of our help is greater."

"Am I that much of a threat to you, Aro? Is that it?" Carlisle's calm demeanor and patience had reached its limit. Anger raged through him. "Kill me then, if what I represent is such a threat to you and your ways, then take me. I'm yours, but you will leave my family alone."

As expected, the family erupted with cries of protest as each of them expressed their disagreement with Carlisle's plea.

Chaos and cries were everywhere; I was hearing it from all sides. The air was thick with tension as everyone poised to fight. I watched as the Volturi ranks closed in to surround the three ancient ones. They were getting ready to attack; it was exactly what Caius had been hoping for.

Emmett took it upon himself to verbally attack the guard, Demetri, who had been silently standing watch over Aro's wife. Eying him up, he was challenging him to a fight. I could feel Bella's shield envelope each of us, protecting us from Jane or any of the others in their guard. My only hope was she was strong enough to protect us all.

"—Just me! Will you be satisfied with just me?" Bella yelled at Aro.

"—Edward! Don't let her do it."

"—Stay where you are, Emmett! He's baiting you into a fight."

"—One step, and I'll rip your throat and take that pretty blonde wife of yours for my own."

"—Not yet, Jane."

Thoughts and voices were all around me, speaking over one another, shouting to make each other listen, but there was only one voice I chose to focus on.

Jasper was busy with Jane, squaring off with her, waiting for what she had to offer, he hadn't noticed Alice clutching her head in her hands. She was being assaulted with image after image just as she had over a decade ago. I was at her side in an instant, trying to help with the burden of pain the simultaneous visions were causing her.

"Alice," I said, holding her in my arms. It was a constant flow of impressions of each of our family falling at the hands of Maria's newborns. One after the other until all of us lay dead in the desert, and eventually the humans we were trying to protect were taken. The world shifted to darkness while Maria's plague spread across the country. Death and destruction was just the beginning.

Then the images switched to a battlefield somewhere in the south with the Volturi on our side, defeating Maria's army, but not without cost. Carlisle fell. Esme, Emmett, Tanya, Carmen and even Garrett, all dead, but Maria was destroyed. The image changed to Bella, her eyes blood red again, cowled in a black hood with me by her side and similar eyes and hood. Alice was being held by two of the Volturi guards who towered over her. She looked broken, as though she had lost all hope, but still she struggled against her captors. Surrounded by stone and death, the old church acted as a throne room with the Volturi serving as judge and jury while Jasper knelt before them waiting for their verdict. Alice went still when they tore his head from his shoulders.

Gasping, Alice crumpled over in pain as we came out of the trance. We locked eyes and I saw the panic in her eyes which must have mirrored my own.

"Edward," she said, her bottom lip trembling.

"Try it again."

Alice's visions of the future had returned, and they had picked the most inopportune time to make an appearance. She tried it again, making the decision to turn down the Volturi's help. The same images came at me, hard. Everyone dead. Then she made the decision to accept their help, and again the vision finished with the ending of Jasper's life while we stood by and watched, helpless to do anything to stop it.

"You're back," I said, cupping her cheek as she laughed out of sheer terror. It was wrong of us to smile, but both of us couldn't stop ourselves. I'm sure if we were human, we would have been crying. She tried it again, but the same outcomes appeared.

Alice was no longer broken, and we were all going to die.

"What is it?" Bella asked, putting her arm around Alice. The look on Alice's face warranted a hug—that was for sure—so I put my arms around the both of them. It wasn't long before the rest of the family stopped their arguing, and watched us in silence.

"Alice!" Jasper said, in frantic desperation.

"I'm okay," she said, launching herself into his arms. Seeing his life taken from him in a vision was almost the same as seeing the real thing. Alice squeezed him tightly until he started to protest, and looked to me for an explanation.

"Her visions are back."

"Permanently?" he asked, setting her down so he could see her eyes. "From the look and feel of you, I'd say it wasn't a good one." He smiled, placing his hands on her cheeks, and then grazed her forehead with a light kiss. "I take it I didn't make it?" He tried to make light of a serious situation, but it fell a little short with Alice.

"Her visions are _back_?" Aro interrupted. "Tell me, Alice, where had they gone?" A few snickers were heard down the line of the guards, but he silenced them with one look.

"Alice," Carlisle offered, "hasn't had a vision since the day the bombs dropped."

"And you failed to tell us this," Caius hissed. "More secrets and lies."

"I see," Aro said. He wasn't sure what to make of this new information. "Well, don't keep us in suspense, dear, tell us what you saw." He reached his hand out to her. Alice looked from me to Carlisle, and then back to me. I nodded my affirmation. He may as well see what was going to play out; there wasn't another choice to be made. Only some of the family would survive, but Maria would be dead. It was the end result Aro wanted.

When she took his hand, he smiled affectionately at her, and the light returned in his crimson eyes. This time, he really did have everything he wanted. While he processed the visions, I filled the rest of the family in on what Alice saw. None of us had time to accept what they meant, or what this war would ultimately cost us.

"Then, it's settled," Aro said to me and Bella. "You will come with us now, then meet up with the rest of your family when we travel to face Maria's army and rid this world—"

"Jacob, no!" I spun around in the direction of where the wolves had been watching and listening to the entire exchange. Revolted by Aro and his guard, they were through with being patient, and wanted to take matters into their own hands. Five of the wolves emerged from the darkness of the woods. Their massive forms were lined up in pack formation with Jacob leading in front.

"Impossible," Aro whispered. He hadn't had time to sift through all of Jasper's thoughts. The wolves were a surprise to him. "I see I've underestimated you, Carlisle." Every one of the Volturi stiffened, ready for action at the first sight of the wolves. Only Marcus and Aro seemed unaffected by their presence.

"They mean no harm," I said. At least I thought they did, and I wanted to get that out there before some of the new guards who were unpracticed in discipline reacted without a command. I raised an eyebrow to Jacob, wondering why the hell they decided to show themselves now when things were starting to progress. We always knew there would be a cost. Not everyone was going to survive, and Alice just confirmed that without the Volturi's help, no one would live.

 _It's a bad deal, Edward, and you know it,_ Jacob said. _We heard you talk of Alice's visions. Ask her what happens if we go with you and fight alongside you._

I hadn't expected those words to come from him. He caught me off guard, but not enough that I didn't realize the implications behind them. "No, we can't ask that of you. It's too dangerous. Too risky," I said to him, while everyone else listened to a one sided conversation.

_Why? If they help you, you die. If they don't, we all die. Isn't that what Alice saw? What happens if we all fight?_

"Edward," Carlisle said. "What is it? Why are they here?"

I thought about the options. I knew as well as any of my family, the Volturi would never fight on the same side as the wolves. I also knew bringing the wolves into this was a good option, but an option we couldn't risk. They were our last defense. They were needed here when we failed.

 _We all die, Edward. Ask her,_ Jacob said again. _Don't make me take human form._

"They want to fight," I spoke on his behalf, knowing he would be vulnerable as a human. The protests began throughout the Volturi guard. "Alice, he wants to know what will happen if they come with us."

Alice closed her eyes, looking for the vision just like she had minutes ago, but nothing came of it. Her eyes popped open as she looked at me with a frantic glare. She tried it again, and still there was nothing.

"Try something else." She thought of the Volturi, and the images returned. The same deaths; the same results. "No, something different...unrelated." She thought about Christmas which was only weeks away, and there was an image of Carlisle standing in our living room, bathed in candlelight reading from the bible on Christmas Eve. All of the family was there, including Charlie, and his family. It was a peaceful night filled with laughter and songs which ended with me playing the piano.

Alice tried the wolves again, but there was still nothing. She thought of them at Christmas, wondering if she was projecting the image of the family celebrating the festivities. It was empty like a black hole when it came to the wolves.

"I can't see them," she said. "Maybe my visions aren't back, only some."

"Perhaps," Carlisle said. "Perhaps not." I followed his train of thought. The wolves were our enemy. We were meant to destroy each other, our only true predator. They came to be to protect their people from us. Carlisle was thinking it was a defense mechanism, something that hid them from us.

"You dare make an alliance with their kind?" Caius said. "It seems you are full of surprises, Carlisle. You've masked your true intentions." He looked to each one of us, all fourteen and then he glanced to the five wolves. "You seek to build your own army."

"No," Carlisle said. "You're mistaken. That's not what this is. They are our friends."

Caius laughed as did the others. "Our kind has no friends. We have no need of them, and we have no need of their filthy kind."

Jacob growled, his teeth showing his discontent.

"Tame your pets, Carlisle," Caius said, snapping his teeth, "or I'll personally see to their neutering."

Bella reached up to calm Jacob, his fur had bristled at Caius' words. He flinched at her touch, but then leaned into it as she dug her fingers into his coat. If not for her tangled fingers, Jacob would have lunged for Caius' throat. Her grip and its effect did not go unnoticed by any of the Volturi.

"It seems you have all the help you need." A sneer appeared on Caius' lips.

"Carlisle, my old friend," Aro spoke up, "it pains me to see you've changed your allegiances. Are we to become enemies after all of these centuries? You know what I do with my enemies." Cocking his head to the side, he narrowed his eyes. "My brother is right. You must make your choice."

"The wolves mean you no harm. They're on our side."

"I can assure you," Caius said, "from where we're standing we know exactly whose side they are on. The stakes have changed now. You want our help? Hand over the wolves to us." Caius waved his hand in dismissal, and from his thoughts I knew he would have them destroyed. He would not suffer their kind to live.

Bella still held tight to Jacob, willing him to stay put, which he did but only to hear how Carlisle would answer.

"I can't make that bargain, Aro," Carlisle said. "The wolves are not mine to command. They do not answer to me, and as for my family, you can have me and that is all."

"You insufferable fool!" Caius snapped. "You are lucky we have let you live this long. If it was anyone else but you, we would destroy you where you stand. You forget who you are talking to!"

"No, Caius, believe me, I do not." Carlisle stepped forward, hands raised as he pleaded his forgiveness. "If there was any other way, I would seek it out. But there isn't. I know who it is I ask for help. I'm well aware of it. I hoped we had endured enough these past ten years to set aside our differences...change how we see one another. We've all had hardships."

In Aro's thoughts, he agreed with Carlisle, surprisingly, but his pride would not let him say it out loud. Aro wanted this world to change. He was tired of living the way they were. He wanted his life of luxury back, and Maria's careless ways would continue to change the world into something worse than what it already was. The Volturi were creatures of habit; they had the right to be after living on this earth for so long. They would survive no matter the cost. As far as Aro was concerned there were three threats now, which needed to be dealt with before he could have his prosperous and sedentary life back. Maria's army might solve the two he didn't have the heart to take care of.

He consulted with Marcus and Caius, but it was clear what their decision would be.

"You would choose your dogs over us, Carlisle?" Aro asked. "Is that what you are saying?"

"Not at all."

"Then hand them over to me."

"You know I can't do that."

"Then we have our answer. You do not want our help. It's a simple request which you cannot abide by. Never forget, we are the masters of our race." Aro placed his hood back over his head, and the others followed suit. Wanting Bella and Alice now more than ever, he knew he couldn't have them without a fight. He would rather see them destroyed with the rest of us than allow Carlisle to be the master of such a strong coven of talented vampires who happened to have a force of deadly wolves at their disposal. "We have no business with the southern covens. Maria is not our problem. That is the decision we have come to."

 _He will never see it, Edward. Much less understand what it is._ Marcus's voice was grave, but his face was still impartial, lacking all emotion and bordering boredom. He was reaching out to me, and I had no idea why.

"If you survive," Aro looked Carlisle in the eye, and then his gaze turned to Bella and Jacob, "pray to your God, Carlisle, we never run into each other again."

At his words, the procession headed back the way they had come, but not without one last triumphant glance from Caius.

The next few minutes were passed in silence as we all contemplated what the hell had just happened.

"Well, that didn't go down as planned," Emmett said.

"How could you!" Rosalie directed her wrath toward Jacob. The wolves had turned back into their human form. Half-naked, they were still standing in formation with Jacob out front. "We told you to stay away. You promised us. You've ruined any chance we had! Why? Do you want us all dead? Is that it?"

I had seen Rosalie angry many times over the years, but in this moment, this far out-weighed any of the other times. She was bordering hysteria, and if it wasn't for her fear, she would have ripped out Jacob's throat.

"As I told Edward, the price was too high," Jacob said. His face was void of all emotion. He was a master of hiding it, for his thoughts were in direct contrast to his expression. It was something he had in common with Aro. "My grandfather used to say, 'You can't make a deal with the devil and expect to survive.' I always thought he meant your family. I thought he was a fool and a hypocrite to have made that treaty with you. But now I know I was wrong. I know who he meant."

"The wolf is right," Eleazar said. He pulled Carmen to his side, knowing from Alice's visions she would die with the help from the Volturi. He wasn't willing to make that deal, not if it meant losing her. "I'll take my chances with the wolves."

-:-


	35. Every Dog Has His Day

**CHAPTER 34**

_**-:- Every Dog Has His Day -:-** _

* * *

THE GAME HAD CHANGED. Every time we turned around it seemed the fates were testing us and pushing us in another direction. Carlisle kept telling us to have faith, but I was back to being a non-believer. It wasn't difficult when it sure felt like God had abandoned us. We were the ones fighting for all of _His_ creatures, so we should have felt his presence watching over us. Carlisle always had some clever way to manipulate these turn of events, telling me that perhaps the collaboration with the wolves was God's helping hand. As much as I had trouble with his unwavering convictions, I was grateful to have this Carlisle with us and not the one from ten years ago. I'd take the eternal optimist over the eternal fatalist any day, but I was sick of hearing about his simplistic faith in God, and that was me being a realist.

Everyone had a job to do, and while the wolves slept, the rest of us prepared the supplies for the compound for when we departed. We treated it as though we would not be returning; it was the only way to know the humans would have everything they needed if we didn't come back. Carlisle and Jasper made sure each of the caches hidden over parts of the country were mapped out, and they wrote clear instructions as to how to access them. While that was going on, Tanya and her family were making provisions for Alaska, knowing Charlie would need to move everyone north if, and when, Maria's army spread. We didn't want to think this way, but without Alice's visions guiding us because of the wolves, we had to prepare the humans for the worst.

Every morning when dawn broke, the air seemed heavy, like it could suffocate us at any point. No one spoke of it, but unfortunately I knew what they were thinking, and Jasper knew what they were feeling. The two of us spent a lot of time away from the others. We sought each other's company when there was some downtime to be had, as both of us had the burdens of the others imposing on our will without them even realizing it. With Jasper, I didn't have to talk. It was like that with most of my family, but he always knew when things were better left unsaid. After the departure of the Volturi, abandoning us to our deaths, everyone was tightly wound, but no one more than Bella. I was worried about her. She had started to pull away from me to a place I couldn't reach her. Between all of the preparations, the training and Bella spending time with her father, we didn't have much alone time. It was a luxury I craved. All I wanted to do was throw her over my shoulder and run with her back to our meadow, back to those two days where nothing stood between the two of us.

I had shared what I saw from Marcus with Jasper. I tried to explain it to Carlisle but he didn't seem surprised by it, and avoided the subject of Marcus' sadness. Jasper, on the other hand, was intrigued by my descriptions of the 'bonds.' He had always been able to feel them, but seeing them was an entirely different aspect he had never imagined.

"It doesn't surprise me at all, Edward," Jasper said, as we hung back from the others, walking back toward the house. "You and Bella? Well, that's stuff _legends_ are made of." He laughed at me.

"Shut up," I said and gave him a shove. "This is serious."

"I am serious," he said, "I heard stories years ago—when I was first turned—about the Volturi, specifically Aro and Marcus and Aro's sister, Didyme. There were always rumors... _legends_." He raised his eyebrows, smirking. "Marcus and Didyme were in love. One of those pure, deep loves. Soul mates, as Alice would say. She was an extraordinary vampire, both in beauty and spirit, or so the story goes. The two of them were going to leave Volterra, break away from it all. When Aro found out their secret, he had his sister killed."

"What?" I asked. "That can't be. Marcus never would have stayed." I thought of Bella and if one of my brothers had ordered her death. It would never happen, but if it did, they wouldn't live to see another day. "It can't be true. He would have killed Aro."

"Like I said, rumors were abundant. There are a million of them out there when it comes to the Volturi. Who's to say which is true?" He gave me a sad smile and kept walking. "Stuff of _legends_..." he added with a laugh.

We were headed back to the house having spent the morning training. Jasper stayed a distance away from the others, needing the space from the crowd. There were twenty-five of us when we were all together, including the wolves, and it was too much for us sometimes. The hive mind of the wolves was draining, and the constant aggression and hostility coming from all of them was difficult on Jasper.

Training took a lot out of everyone, especially the wolves. Holding their wolf form exhausted their energy, and instead of drawing attention to their ferocious appetites back at the compound, Esme had an open invitation for them at the house to eat before going home. Today she had a new recipe for cornbread and potato pie, ingredients we had an abundance of, and was hoping to impress them with her new cooking skills.

We were getting better at tolerating each other, but I knew what everyone was thinking, and everyone still had the ingrained instinct to kill one another. The restraint from the wolves was impressive, especially the young ones. I supposed it helped that Jacob had ordered his pack not to attack any of us unless he gave the command to do so. I had to admit, Jacob was a formidable leader. He knew each of his brothers and their weaknesses, exhorting them to tap into their strengths to overcome any obstacle they faced. Seeing them in action was somewhat alarming, and this was only training—showing them the vulnerabilities a newborn would have and how to attack them and where. While they pulled back their strength in practice, one could only imagine them without any limitations, but no matter how imposing they were, there wasn't one mind amongst us that wasn't thinking the same thing. With the eleven of them, and the fourteen of us, we were still not enough.

As we walked, my eyes searched for Bella up ahead expecting to see her with Garrett or Alice, but instead she was with Tanya and Irina. It was somewhat of a surprise. They hadn't been on friendly terms, but there was a respect there. Tanya and Irina were passionate fighters. I sometimes forgot how old they were and how much they had already been through. They fought with a ruthlessness we all admired, including the wolves. Carlisle suspected it had a lot to do with their adoptive mother. They were finally getting a chance at revenge for their mother's crime. She had created an immortal child thousands of years ago, and she paid the price with her own life thanks to the Volturi and their laws. The Volturi's cowardice and betrayal had ignited a fire inside the three sisters and they made a pact to fight for their mother's honor.

"They're talking," Jasper said, just as surprised as I was.

"I don't think they like each other much, but they respect one another, which is more than I could have hoped for." Bella was also a fierce competitor, even without her powers. Garrett had taught her well, and Tanya seemed to enjoy how Bella handed me my ass every time we fought. I was still training with her, having to relearn how to fight and read body language, instead of anticipating my opponent's moves through their thoughts. It was an entirely new process for me, and everyone had taken some pleasure in my thrashings from Bella.

Jasper laughed, clapping me on the shoulder. "It's more than any of us could have. Strange how things work out."

The rest of the walk back to the house was accomplished in silence as we watched our family's interactions. Jasper managed to catch one of my longing looks in Bella's direction.

"She'll come around," he said. "It's all a bit much for her right now."

"Will she?"

"She has a lot of pressure, more than anyone," he said.

"Bella thinks this is her fault, that if she'd killed Maria when she had the chance, none of this would be happening."

"Then you have to convince her otherwise." Jasper chuckled. "I could say the same thing. If I'd killed Maria when she had turned me, then all of this would have been avoided. We can't change the past, Edward. What's done is done. You know that, so does she. If the two of you keep dwelling there, then we don't stand a chance."

"She's pushing away."

"Then pull her back. Have you already forgotten what I told you in Montana? Bella's a fighter, a warrior, now. Treat her like one. You're letting her walk all over you again. It's not about her, or you, or any of us. This is so much bigger than that."

I stopped in my tracks, listening to some familiar voices, which were quite a distance away. Jasper was right; this definitely was bigger than us and those visitors were here to prove just that. Jasper, alarmed by my hesitation, waited for me to explain.

"Charlie and Seth are at the house, and they're not alone."

"Who's with them?"

"Bella's not going to like this," I said, shaking my head, and rushing ahead to tell the others.

All twenty-five of us crossed the creek, but only some went around to the front of the house where Charlie, Seth, Billy, Sam, Sue and Leah were waiting on the steps. They were chilled to the bone having waited so long outside in the cold. Esme and Carmen sprung into action, ordering Emmett and Rosalie to get the fires going to heat the house. They ushered the visitors inside without even thinking, while the rest of us hung back near the creek watching and wondering what their presence could mean. Charlie had made a promise to Bella not to tell anyone else about her survival, but it looked like he had broken that promise or he never would have brought Sue and Leah to the house.

"Why are they here?" Bella asked me.

"They want to talk," I said, "to _everyone_. That's all I know."

"I'm sorry, Bella," Jacob confessed, "I had to tell Leah about you, about everything, and there isn't much she doesn't share with her mom. Charlie never betrayed you, if that's what you're thinking, it was me. I never thought they would come here, though. This is as much of a shock to me."

"Who else knows?" she asked.

"Not a soul other than the people who are here. This is it. My pack's been ordered not to say anything, so they can't even if they want to."

"Edward, Jacob," Carlisle said from the back porch, "Charlie and Sam would like to speak to all of us."

"Sam?" Jacob said. "Why would he…" Jacob mumbled a curse under his breath and I followed suit.

"What?" Bella asked gripping my hand.

"I don't think you're going to like this very much."

The three of us reluctantly walked to the front of the house and met Leah and Seth in the driveway. They were struggling to lift two wooden crates out of the back of the truck.

"Leah, what are you doing here?" Jacob said between gritted teeth.

She looked up and her eyes caught site of Bella. She straightened, smoothing down her clothes and hair with nervous fingers. Ignoring Jacob, Leah jumped down from the bed of the truck and walked toward Bella, stretching out her hand. She was apprehensive about it, everyone could see that, but she did her best to hide her anxiety.

"Bella," she said. "My brother has told me lots about you…" she smiled and then added, "little sister." The shock was evident on Bella's face. She had never thought of Seth or Leah as siblings, but here was Leah making the effort to include her as one of the family. "I've never had a sister, and it'll be a welcome change from him." She pointed to Seth, who, along with Jacob, stood with his mouth open, bewildered by this rare show of affection coming from Leah.

Bella glanced at me with questioning eyes. I smiled, giving her an encouraging nod, and then she took hold of Leah's hand, shaking it in return.

"We have lots to catch up on, but not today," Leah said. "Charlie has other plans for today." Letting go of Bella's hand, she turned to Jacob and me. "Are you two just going to stand there, or you going to help bring in these crates? What's the point of super strength if you don't use it?"

 _Yeah, she's always like this,_ Jacob said, when I looked at him skeptically. Lifting one of the boxes, he tried to catch a peek inside. "What's in them?" Jacob asked, finally finding his voice. "And you never answered my question. You shouldn't be here."

Again, Leah ignored him and started toward the house. "They're waiting," she said. "And I'm freezing."

From Seth's thoughts, I could see the crates were full of papers, maps and books, and I caught a glimpse of Charlie's absurd plans.

Once inside, the house was chaos, a party in full swing as Esme dished out food to the humans while ordering the others to pour drinks for everyone. She had never been happier. The younger wolves were kept entertained in the living room by Tanya and her family, while the rest of us gathered in Carlisle's study waiting to hear what the humans had come to say. As I stepped through the door, I caught Jasper's eye while he stood in the corner with Alice. She was rubbing his shoulder in sympathetic circles while he took everyone's emotions in check. I had to do the same, filtering through the onslaught of chatter in the room and in my head. Bella gripped my hand, and I focused on the feel of it in mine. I wasn't sure if it was her, or her powers, but somehow holding on to her helped lessen the frenzied thoughts circling around the room. We'd have to explore that further, I thought absently.

Everyone was settled as much as they could, and Carlisle asked the pertinent question.

"Charlie, we're happy to have you here, but I thought we agreed you would stay away from the house?" He cast a side glance to Bella and then to Sue and Leah, before turning back to Charlie, waiting for his response.

"Well, we've been thinking…" Charlie said, scratching his moustache.

"We've got it under control, old man," Jacob said, gritting his teeth.

Walking past Jacob, Charlie gave Bella a quick kiss on her forehead before taking the center of the room. "No, we don't think you do. Would you mind?" Charlie pointed to the crates, asking me to place them on Carlisle's desk in front of him. I obliged, but only so I could try and stop this before it went any further.

"You know none of them will go for this," I whispered to him. "It'll never happen."

"We have to try," he said patting my shoulder.

"Is someone gonna tell the rest of us who are in the dark, what this is about?" Emmett crossed his arms, leaning up against a bookshelf. "You know how I much I love these silent conversations. I already kicked your ass this morning, Edward, don't make me do it again." There were a few chuckles around the room, no one more than Seth who had come to stand beside Charlie and had started taking a few books out of the crates.

"Well," Seth said, "while you guys have been busy pissing off the wrong vamps and trying to hide it from us…" Seth gave me a curt nod. _Not everyone needs to be a mind reader to know the truth_ , he said only to me before continuing. "We've been doing some research." Pulling out some papers, he spread them across the table. There were maps of the area in and around Forks, especially the old landing strip the compound was on. "We think you should bring the fight here."

The room was engulfed in silence; a void while everyone thought they misheard him.

"We can get the upper hand by knowing the terrain and planning for a battle. We make the stand here," Seth said, pointing to a deserted field near the compound fence. "Together." Everyone's minds were quiet, too, like a calm before the storm. It was only a few seconds and then Emmett was the first to break. He started to laugh but the rest of us were too shocked to join him.

"Charlie," Emmett said, "sorry, but you want to fight? With us? Against an army of vampires?"

"We do," Seth said, and this time everyone did laugh, even the wolves.

"No offense, kid," Emmett said, "but all you'll do is get yourself killed. This isn't your fight."

"But don't you see? It is!" Seth said. His voice was raised and his hands were gripped in tight fists, wanting to be taken seriously. "More than it is yours!"

"Seth," Carlisle said in his placating doctor tone. "We love that you want to help. You have no idea what it means to us, but we can't allow you to risk your lives like this."

"Risk?" Seth said. "It's our lives you're trying to protect. It's you who shouldn't be risking your lives for us!"

"You can't be serious," Jacob scoffed.

"And why not?" Billy spoke up. "We have as much right as you do."

"What are you going to do, old man?" Jacob folded his arms, facing off with his wheelchair bound father. "What can you possibly do?"

"There's lots we can do," Sam said in defense of Billy.

Throughout this whole exchange thus far, Charlie had been quiet, letting the others speak while he stared at his daughter, listening intently to the arguments. He was waiting for his opportunity, thinking about the best way to approach this with a reasonable and logical argument for their case. The room had exploded into a heated discussion, everyone speaking over the other with Jacob and Seth yelling the loudest.

Bella squeezed my hand, and I looked down at her, but her gaze was locked onto her father. They were having their own conversation with their eyes.

"Don't do this," she whispered, but she was easily heard over the others.

"I have to," Charlie said. "I've a score to settle."

"Dad," Bella said, stepping forward, releasing her tight grip on my hand. Everyone in the room stopped shouting and watched father and daughter have a very personal conversation in a very public forum. "Be reasonable. You're human…there's nothing you can do against one of us. You have to stay here, protect the people _here_ , that's your job. That's always been your job."

"My only job is being a father. That's what I am and that's what I'll do. You're _my_ daughter. You're _my_ responsibility."

She moved like lightening. It was only a few steps, but in the blink of an eye, Bella was behind her father and had grabbed his arms, pinning them behind him. Jacob took an automatic step forward, so did Alice, but both were stopped by a calculating look from Bella. "You don't get it. This isn't a game! It's not about getting the bad guys like you used to! You can't fight us. You'll be lambs to the slaughter."

She wasn't gripping him hard, but for a split second I saw the terror cross his face, but then it was gone and resolve washed over his expression. He didn't struggle, and he let her have power over him. He sought Carlisle, hoping he would be the voice of reason through all this.

"What happens when you're gone? How do we defend ourselves without you here to help? Without you we don't stand a chance. There's nothing. If we don't learn to do for ourselves we lose everything, and any _hope_ we had disappears with you. The compound is strong, the people are strong. We need to believe in a future, and there's none for anybody unless we do this. We make a stand here, together."

Bella let her father go, seeking Garrett for support.

"No disrespect, sir," he said, "but Bella's right. There's nothing you and your walls can do to stop one of us. There's not a helluva lot that will."

"Emmett," Seth said, stepping into the center of the room, "what's the one thing you told me that can harm your kind?"

"Wolves," Quil said and the rest of us couldn't help but laugh.

"Well, yeah, but you said it was _fire_ ," Seth said. Reaching for some papers on the desk, he held them up in his hand, and then he reached for an old History text book from the high school. "We've been researching. We fight old school, like back in the old days before weapons and guns since they'll do nothing to help us. Fires, arrows, tar…hell, I bet Eric and Tyler could rig up trebuchets with your help."

"Trebu-what?" Quil asked.

Every one of my family was working through Seth's proposal. They knew exactly what he had in mind, and I could see it all play out in his head as he quickly opened the book, flipping through pages until he found what he was looking for.

"There," he said, pointing to a hand drawn picture of a giant wooden mechanism with a counterweight on one end and a long arm stretching outward. "It's like a catapult, but better. In ancient times they used to hurl large stones or even bodies over city walls." Seth's mind started to veer off in another direction, and I wanted to stop him before he went too far off track, but Emmett beat me to it.

"Seth, stones won't stop vampires."

"I know that, but oilskin bags on fire and filled with tar will," he said chuckling. The minds in the room switched to that image. We all smiled as we thought it through. It wasn't a solid plan, but it was more than anything the fourteen of us had come up with.

"Think about it," Seth said pleading with us. "They won't expect it! We'll take them by surprise, and that's all you'll need. Even if we get through the first round assault, it'll be just enough time to get Bella where she needs to be."

"No," Bella said, her voice hard and final. "We stick to the plan. Keep this as far away from Forks as possible."

"If you fail, they'll be coming for us eventually," Billy said. "We'll be the diversion you need," he looked at his son, "that all of you need. Jake, I'm not about to sit back and let you go to your death and neither is Charlie. None of us are." His eyes shifted over to Leah, and Jacob's thoughts turned angry with fear.

"No way," Jacob said. "I'm with Bella on this. It's not a risk I'm willing to take, and no one else will, either. You can't help us."

There wasn't a consensus in the room at Jacob's words. A few people shifted on their feet and a couple of the wolves cleared their throats. Some of us were intrigued by the idea of bringing an element of surprise to the fight. They wanted to hear more of the plan Charlie and the others had laid out. The room was silent for a good full minute while everyone thought of what kind of outcome their help could bring.

"Alice?" Carlisle eventually said. Shrugging her shoulders, she was still helpless with the wolves' involvement.

"You can't be serious!" Bella crossed her arms, glaring at Carlisle. "You're actually willing to listen to them?"

"Bella," he said, "we should explore every option."

"They. Can't. Help. Us. It would be suicide."

The arguments exploded around the room, and the voices thundered inside my head as everyone weighed in their opinions. Some were speaking out loud, and some were yelling silently, outraged by other's comments. Eventually I placed my hands over my ears and yelled for them to stop.

"I can't have you all screaming like this," I said. "Please, one at a time. Let's discuss this rationally." Jasper, having stood in the corner, away from everyone, was itching to let his opinion be heard. Out of everyone, he was the only one who hadn't been arguing over all the others; instead he had been observing everyone else in the room. "Jasper?" I asked. "You've got the most experience when it comes to strategy. I think you should go first."

Giving me a grim look, he told me I wasn't going to like what he had to say, but he also knew how serious this was and he wasn't taking any of it lightly. He would examine every angle, and make his recommendations once all resources had been exhausted.

"Bella," Jasper said, pushing off from the wall. "They make some good points, and they have a right to speak. I think we should at least hear them out."

"Coward," she spat out.

"Bella!" Alice said. "How can—" Jasper put a hand on Alice's arm. We all knew Jasper was no coward, and so did Bella. Fear had a hold on her, and wasn't about to let her go just yet.

"If any of you are afraid to fight Maria," Bella looked around the room, "then it's best we get it out now."

Clenching his Jaw, Jasper took another step toward Bella. "You of all people know I'm no coward, Bella, and I'll forgive you that allowance because of what I feel coming from you. The truth is, we stand a better chance with all the help we can get. Their plan is good…well, I think it's plausible at least. Let's hear them out, study it, and then make a decision."

"It'll be a decision that will sign their death warrants," she said. I reached for her hand, but she shook me off. "I shouldn't have stayed this long. I'm going to meet Maria, the rest of you can stay here. She won't come here, not if I go."

"Nix," Garrett said, "don't do this."

"She'll come eventually," Jasper said.

"You don't know that!"

"Yes, I do. And so do you." Jasper's jaw was tight, and he wasn't going to make this easy on Bella. This was going to be an argument that no one was going to win because either way, people were going to die. It was just a matter of how many. "When she's done tearing up the South, she'll move north. I was with her much longer than either of you." He looked from Garrett to Bella, his gaze lingering on her. "I know her far better, too. How she thinks. What she wants. Sorry, Bella, but a decade's worth is nothing compared to what I got on her. She's never been one to rest. Always driven by greed, and she'll never be satisfied until she has the power she's always wanted, and now there's no one to stop her." Jasper was standing directly in front of Bella, forcing her to look at him. "She won't quit."

"I say we hear their plans," Emmett piped up, tired of being left out of the conversation. "I'll give you a go, kid, but only 'cause you've drawn those pretty pictures." He chucked Seth on the shoulder, giving him a brief smile.

Bella was outnumbered for the moment, so we moved the discussion to the living room to accommodate everyone else. If we were going to make a decision, everyone deserved to be heard if it was their life on the line. It was going to come down to a vote, which was how we always settled things in this family, and with thirty-one votes representing vampire, wolf and human, it was going to be the most remarkable, yet solemn, decision ever presented across our table.

Listening to Charlie and Seth proved to be difficult. They were passionate with what they had discovered, obviously having done their research, and they had planned everything right down to the last detail. The young ones and the elderly who were unable to fight would be moved to Alaska, where Tanya's family had a spot for them. Anyone who didn't wish to fight would take their leave as well. Charlie was adamant no one should be forced into something they didn't want to do. It was a good and solid strategy, right down to the fields being covered in deep pits and oil, ready to be lit on fire. Sam and Billy even explored the history on their distant ancestors to the north, devising something as simple as a 'buffalo jump' type trap which would draw the newborns in with blood, trading a cliff for a pit filled with oil. It wasn't easy listening to them and how committed they were to helping. Even Sue had planned to stay with her daughter and assist with the wounded if it came to that. They were willing to lay down their lives to help their loved ones and friends, which seemed to include us. It was clear they _needed_ to fight.

"We don't intend to speak for everyone at the compound," Sam said, "and maybe no one will feel as we do, so none of this will matter. But we do have the right for our voices to be heard. It's our futures, the future of _our_ children, not yours. I gave up my right to stand alongside my wolf brothers ten years ago, but that doesn't mean I gave up my right to fight with them. None of us got a chance to stop what happened when the bombs dropped. We were forced into this life. Don't make us go through that again and be forced into a far worse fate than death. Give us the choice. Don't take it away from us."

It was the most any of us ever heard come out of Sam's mouth. Sue started to cry, and she pulled him into a desperate hug, thanking him for speaking the words she had wanted to say. Leah looked over her mother's shoulder at Jacob, who seemed to have lost his tongue since we moved into the living room. Standing in the corner, he towered over everyone with his height and his presence. His shoulders were set, and so was his jaw with his nostrils flared while he glared back at Leah. Only I knew the terror he was feeling at the idea of losing Leah or his family.

"We have a lot to think about," Carlisle said, bringing the room back to what was important. "We must think carefully about this, but there is one thing that Sam has brought up which needs to be addressed." He took a moment to look at his family, seeking out each one of them. "The truth of what we are, what we all are, will have to come out. I don't think the people are ready for that."

"Better now," Billy said, "than monsters in the night catching them unawares. You let us worry about what our people are ready for or not."

Carlisle sighed, leaning forward on his elbows. This decision was proving to be very difficult for him. He wanted to believe that his God had put the humans on this path and wanted us to accept their help, but his instincts told him it was futile. He didn't want their deaths on his hands. He struggled with what was laid out before him.

 _They are stronger than us,_ he said to me with his head still bowed. _Their will might as well be made of iron, for it can't be bent. They're so very fragile, but they choose not to accept it. Edward, I cannot make this choice. None of us can know what the right decision is. I do know, from History's sake, exclusion is never the answer. For a society to progress, for change to happen, inclusion is the only way forward. There is no wrong or right in this, only a way forward to hope. Hope has no boundaries, it has no limitations. We cannot deny these people their hope._ He paused, raising his eyes to meet mine. _They have included us into their world, how can we not do the same with ours?_

I wondered why he was only speaking to me. He should be speaking out loud to everyone. What he was thinking made sense to me, even if I wasn't sure I agreed, but perhaps others would gain some clarity from his words. I almost repeated what he said, but I stopped when my head caught up to my heart. I felt myself sinking as I realized why Carlisle was only speaking to me. It wouldn't matter if the others heard what he said. They had already made up their minds.

I began to feel sick, panicking about what this would mean. A heaviness washed over me, sinking its claws into my shoulders, pushing me back down into the abyss I used to live in. On the other side of the room—surrounded by Jacob, Garrett and Rosalie—sat Bella, and she seemed so very far away from me.

The humans made up six of the 'yes' votes, while each of the wolves made up eleven of the 'no' votes. They were a collective unit and not one of them would go against Jacob even if he gave them leave to do so. They saw themselves as the protectors of the compound. Not only did they not wish to reveal their secret to the rest of the humans, they would never lead the vampires here, to their people. As for my family, the vampire vote, there wouldn't be many surprises. Bella was adamantly going to vote no, and Garrett would take her side. The other two against the decision were Rosalie and Alice. Alice, because she didn't want to see anyone else get hurt, especially Bella and Charlie, and Rosalie more for selfish reasons. She didn't want the humans knowing what she was, and didn't wish to face the possible rejection from her students and their parents once they found out. As for the rest of the family, it was purely a strategic decision. They saw the benefit in Charlie and Seth's plans. At twenty-nine potential votes cast, it came down to Carlisle and me. Carlisle knew his family well enough without having to read their minds to know what their decisions would be.

I was the swing vote.

 _I'm sorry, Edward,_ Carlisle said. _I cannot be their judge and jury. If they want to fight, I cannot be the one to deny them their dignity. God, forgive me._

I was the goddamned swing vote.

He was apologizing to me because he knew the decision I would be facing. Because of who I was and what I could do, I would see both sides of the argument, and not be biased to an opinion so easily. It wasn't fair this was going to be put on my shoulders, but regardless, it had been. My vote would be the only one that mattered because I knew how everyone was going to vote.

Did I vote to keep Bella happy, and do a disservice to Seth and Charlie? Or did I vote to be selfish, wanting whatever little help could be offered our way even it was most likely useless and would only cause the deaths of so many?

Their plan was good. It was logical and might work to an extent, even more so with how Jasper, Eleazar, and even Emmett planned to make improvements on it. If they could distract Maria's army just enough to get us to Emilia, we had a fighting chance.

It meant going against Bella.

"I can't do this," I said, leaving the room. I didn't go far, only to the kitchen, but I couldn't face them right now. I couldn't have them looking at me while Carlisle cast the redundant vote. With all of their thoughts and influences invading my own, their obtrusive stares would add even more pressure.

Carlisle's melancholy voice was easily heard through the walls asking for everyone's decision. At first they didn't understand why I left, but as the verdict became clear, it wasn't difficult to figure it out, and it was evident what each of them wanted me to do.

"Let him be," Carlisle said, grabbing Esme's arm as she started for the door. He looked around the room daring anyone to defy him. _You'll do what's right, Edward. What's in your heart_ , he said to me.

They all expressed their opinions, trying to coax me to their side. Jacob and Rosalie were the loudest, arguing how wrong it was to bring the fight here. There was Jasper and Eleazar who wanted me to see the potential in the strategy laid before us all. And then there was Charlie. I saw the rage in him. His daughter was taken from him violently, and I could sympathize with his pain. I knew what it meant to want vengeance. How could I be the one to take that away from him? He had suffered just as much as the rest of us, if not more. He was a proud man, and I respected him, and I daresay I loved him. I knew he would find a way to follow us if we denied him this. The plan had potential and he wanted me to see it, but more importantly, he wanted me to see what it meant to him.

 _Edward,_ he said, _she's my daughter._

Even as the twenty-nine voices rattled around in my brain, there was only one voice I was desperate to hear. Bella was going to expect me to do the right thing, but what if our definitions of that were different? Would she understand? Walking back into the living room, I sought her out. My heart was breaking in two as I scanned everyone's expectant faces. She was standing with Garrett across the room, his arm draped around her, trying to keep her calm. There was a malicious look of defiance in her eyes which seemed to bore into my very soul. I knew my eyes held an apology, one reserved only for her.

"Don't," she said. "Don't betray me again." Her words cut deep, like a serrated knife twisting its way back and forth.

"You break my heart, Bella."

"You don't have one, remember?" She was gone before I even had a chance to explain my reasoning. There were collective gasps from everyone as they figured out what my vote was. Some were happy, and some were not, but everyone respected the method of our family democracy.

"I'm on it," Garrett said, following Bella. _For the record, Edward, you're braver than I ever gave you credit for. It's the right decision even if I couldn't see it._

Bella's words had stung. There was no use denying the damage they had done. She'd meant it to hurt and those few words were anything but simple. She thought I had betrayed her...again. It was never going to end. I thought we were beyond the past, but here she was throwing it back in my face. She couldn't see past her own stubborn self. It was the best chance we had. Casting another element of surprise, other than the wolves, put us at an advantage.

'Every person had a right to make their own decisions.' Wasn't this the biggest lesson I learned from Bella? I left her because I couldn't trust her to choose her own life. I chose it for her, and now she was punishing me for allowing Charlie and the others to do the same.

"Don't be a martyr, Edward," Rosalie said from behind me. "Stop wallowing and go after her. It's what she wants."

"No, it isn't."

"Of course it is." She grabbed my arm, turning me around. "Do you honestly think she's going to keep running? You're as stupid and selfish as she is."

"Rosalie—"

"Well, you are. You both are. We're fighting for our lives here, and you two are fighting with each other. Stop letting her push you around. You've got more at stake here than she does. We're your family, Edward, and we're the ones who will die for you, not her."

"It's never as simple as you always think it is."

"We voted, and a decision was made. It's how we do things in this family whether we like it or not. If she wants to be a part of this family, then she has to learn she can't always have her way and neither can you." She smacked me on the cheek and went off in search of Emmett.

Rosalie never pulled any punches. She voted against this, but she had already accepted the outcome and moved on. This wasn't Bella's decision, and it wasn't mine, it was all of ours. It was a difficult swing vote, but it was the right one. Going against Bella was one of the boldest things I could ever do. If the same vote had been proposed weeks ago, I would have sided with Bella even though it would have been the wrong choice. She was headstrong, but so was I. She could scream at me and run from me all she wanted to, but it still wouldn't change anything. We were one, and I'd take whatever she wanted to dish out, good or bad, and I'd make sure she would, too.

In the past ten years, love was something of a mystery to me. I loved each and every one of my family, and they loved me, but it was easy to say under the circumstances we had been through. Aro had said fear brought on loyalty, and maybe it was true. We feared what was coming, which in turn made us all loyal to one another. But fear wouldn't make you follow someone to your own death. Only love would do that. Bella vowed to fight until the end, until Maria and Emilia were eliminated, and the family would fight alongside her, risking everything for her...for me. We had all been tested over the years, each on our own paths, and we had all passed. Standing united as one—vampire, wolf, and even human—was the last test.

This idea of family was something new and unexpected for Bella. Even as a human she was passed from one parent to another, and in the past ten years all she knew was failure and desperation. She had been alone for so long that the idea of someone wanting to fight for her—fight with her—was lost on her. She couldn't see past her isolation and celebrate what this actually meant. Hope was reborn. Maybe Carlisle was right, and this _was_ God's helping hand.

I willed my feet forward, following after Garrett through the kitchen and to the back porch. Bella hadn't gotten far, just over the creek bed. It was the same spot Jacob had found her when she tried to run weeks ago. Maybe Bella would never feel settled here. I was pushing her to be a part of this family, but perhaps she wasn't ready for the idea of a family and arguments, or having a voice that counted toward a common goal. She had guarded herself from everything over the last ten years, pushing away any emotion that would lead to pain, and there was no doubt she was in pain right now. I recognized it even if she couldn't. She was terrified she would be left alone to carry on with her grief. She didn't want to care for any of these people, because it would be too much to bear to have to do it alone. I finally understood what the words in her journal meant, about her true fear. It wasn't losing me, or Garrett or anyone else she loved, it was being the last one left alive.

It was much easier to face her now that I understood this, even if she was scowling at me while I slowly made my way across the yard. Garrett had Bella by the arms telling her she was being unreasonable if she thought she could leave.

"My mind is made up," she said glaring at me and struggling to get out of Garrett's grip.

"If you really wanted to leave," I said, "Garrett wouldn't be able to stop you. None of us could."

"I'm going."

"Is that going to be your M.O., now?" I asked. "When things don't go the way you want them to, you're going to run?"

"I learned from the best, didn't I?"

"Stop looking for excuses to be the first one to leave, Bella. None of us are going anywhere, especially not me."

"No, you're all going to die!" She broke free of Garrett's grasp. "I'll never forgive you for this," she said, and it was as though she had slapped me across the cheek.

"Bells!" Charlie yelled from the porch, catching her attention. Now she looked like a cornered animal who was about to flee or lash out. He called her name again, and then she turned her back on us, starting to walk away. "Isabella Marie Swan! You stop right there. I'm still your father, and you _will_ listen to me."

It was wrong of me to smile, but I did. She was acting like a child, so he was going to treat her like one. Of course my smile gained no favors from Bella, and she cursed at me before facing her father.

"I have nothing more to say to either of you." She crossed her arms.

"Well, that's fine 'cause I've got plenty to say to you." He crossed his arms, matching Bella's defiance. Garrett and I felt like intruders who shouldn't be witnesses to this, so we started to back away toward the house, but Charlie's arm shot out, keeping me in place. "Edward, you stay right there."

"I'm gonna go see a woman about a deer..." Garrett said, smiling, poking his thumb to the house before leaving the three of us alone.

"Charlie, I don't want to hear it," Bella said.

"Too bad. I'm done listening to you, so now you're gonna hear your old man out," Charlie began. "For weeks I've played by your rules but only 'cause I was just so damn happy to see you. Well, I've had enough. You're my daughter and I still have some rights. I've never been much for feelings, especially with you, and I regret that. Things might've been different if I hadn't been such a coward and sent you away with your mother. It was the biggest mistake I ever made, letting her take you from me, but now I've been given this second chance, and I'm not about to screw it up and let you walk away from me again. For years I wished for death, I think that's something you both can relate to." He cleared his throat before he continued. "There was a reason we were all spared. It was for this moment. Everything we all went through was building toward this. Something drove us all apart and then brought us back together, stronger and more capable. I don't believe in much, but I do believe in that. I'll not stand by and watch the people I care about die. I failed to protect you once, I won't be that man again."

"But you can't protect me, not from this. It's ridiculous to be having this conversation with you. I can pick you up and toss you twenty feet in the air."

"Yeah, well, I can still pick you up and put you over my knee, too."

I couldn't stop myself this time, and I tried to stifle my laughs, but it only came out in a snort. Bella cut me a wicked glare.

"I'm a desperate man, Bells. Desperate men do desperate things. I'd rather die fighting beside you than go through life without doing what a father should."

"Da—" she started. "Charlie, you have a family. You need to think of them."

If he was hurt by her choice of words, he didn't let it show. "I am, Bells. I am." Placing his hand on her shoulder, he said, "You've got to let this notion go that you're alone. I failed you, but I won't this time." Charlie surprised me by putting his other hand on my shoulder. "Bells," he said, "you're not alone, you never were. Stop pushing us away because you're scared. If you want someone to blame, blame me. You've got a good man here, a man I'd be proud to consider a son. He loves you more than anything in this world, so stop _torturing_ him."

She was fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. I was getting used to her signs, and she did it when she was overwhelmed with her emotions.

"I'll follow you if you go," Charlie said, "so get that out of your head right now."

"If I...If I lose you..."

"Then you'll know I loved you." He pulled her into a hug, and despite the strength I knew she had, she seemed fragile in his arms.

"Edward," Charlie said, "I'd like to borrow Bella from you for a bit. Can you spare some time away?" I saw her stiffen in his arms. I wasn't sure if it was the idea of spending time alone with me or Charlie, either way, it made her uncomfortable. "I want you to come with me to the compound."

"Why? So I can meet people who'll be dead in months?" Her caustic voice was all bark and no bite. We both knew she didn't mean it.

"You don't have to meet anyone. It'll be dark soon, so no one needs to know you're there unless you want them to. I've not come to terms with what you went through, Bella, I don't think I ever will. You've been surrounded by death and violence which would cripple the best of men. I think you need a little perspective. Understand why I need to fight, why Seth wants to. It's not just for the sake of it, or 'cause we're bored. We've got a helluva lot to fight for and you need to see that."

**-:-**

I SAT AT THE piano with my arms resting on the top. I had yet to play a note. I wasn't sure why I sat down, but something about Alice's vision of Christmas Eve triggered something in me. I vowed I'd never play again, and yet I was in Alice's vision. It seemed foreign to me, and when I tried to rest my fingers on the keys, I couldn't. Each time I went to play, my fingers hovered above the black and white, shaking, and too afraid to settle on the ivory. My family had left me alone since Bella took her leave with Charlie. He asked for some alone time with her, wanting to show her the compound himself. Pride was never something I'd associate with Charlie, but he was proud to show his daughter what they had accomplished. She was still furious with me, so I was glad to give her the space she needed. She didn't even say goodbye to me before she left. Despite Charlie's interference, I feared she would never forgive me.

I heard the Humvee coming up the driveway. When Charlie radioed to let us know Bella was on her way, I wanted to rush out and meet her, but Alice assured me she would be fine, and that she needed to be alone on the drive home. Having the answers before the actions were put into place was going to take some time to get used to again. None of us had any assumptions as to why Alice's visions returned, or why they chose that particular moment to come back. Carlisle said the brain was a wondrous thing and healing was a long process. Perhaps all this time, Alice was stuck in her own grief, but only that part of her brain knew it. It was difficult to say, but she was back, and as arrogant as ever with all that power and knowledge. She still couldn't see the wolves or their futures, which meant Carlisle's theory was more than likely correct. Their futures were blocked to us, like a defense mechanism. Either way, with or without her visions, I trusted Alice when it came to understanding Bella and what she needed.

Her familiar scent hit me the moment she entered the house. Without turning around, I knew she was behind me standing in the doorway. My entire body called to her, wanting to jump up from the bench and go to her—pin her beneath me. I fought against the urge, hoping she would come to me, and make the decision to be with me. To forgive me.

I never heard her move, only felt the whisper of her touch at the base of my neck. Then I felt her warm breath as she whispered in my ear.

"Play it," she said. "Just this once. For me."

The sweet scent of freesia was the only thing I understood as a shiver went down my spine. It was instinct what came next. My fingers found the keys, and the first notes of her lullaby filled the room. I hit every note. I never faltered once, not even when she sat down beside me and rested her head on my shoulder. When the last note was played, I lifted my hands, and rested them on my thighs. We sat like that for what could have been hours. There was an understanding here…between us. She was angry with me, but the two of us didn't have a choice anymore. We would always come back to one another.

"Marry me."

There was no reaction to the words said aloud. I only knew it felt right coming from her lips. The compound had a way of showing the dichotomy of love, the push and pull of this dangerous new world, and there was still beauty to be found in it. What the people had built was nothing short of miraculous. The families, the connections, it played at the heartstrings. I had felt it on my first visit—it was difficult not to.

Charlie had been right. Bella needed to see what it all meant, that there was purpose in knowing people and being known...being loved.

"I'll marry you tonight," I said.

"If we married, would you feel your life is complete?"

"And then some."

"Then no, not tonight," she whispered. "When this is all over." We sat for a moment, and as I thought about her words, I understood her even though she went on to explain. "Marrying you shouldn't be a goodbye, Edward. It should be a celebration. I don't want us to think our life is complete, that it's okay for either one of us to die, because it's not. There are so many things I want, but mostly I want to live so I can make a life with you. I choose you, Edward, and if making a stand here is the best way I can have you, I'll accept it."

If I could have read Bella's mind, I would have seen all of the wonders Charlie would have shown her. He would have taken her to Leah's clinic, and to the school where Rosalie taught Mathematics and Science to the children. Under the cover of darkness he would have shown her the windmills Eric and Tyler had been building. She would have seen the lanterns lit up, glowing softly on the colorful houses. He would have taken her to Esme and Carlisle's house and shown her the sign the community painted for them. And lastly, he would let her steal a peek at baby Isabella, her namesake. Bella would have seen it all, and there was no refuting it when she spoke her next words.

"We'll destroy her. We have to."

-:-


	36. It's Better to Light a Candle Than Curse the Darkness

**Chapter 35**

_**-:- It's Better to Light a Candle Than Curse the Darkness -:-** _

* * *

EMMETT LET THE EXPLETIVES fly again, throwing down the pieces of his latest victim.

 _It would be easier to use our hands,_ he said to me silently.

At the rate we were going, the shovels would wear down before any of us did. The ground was frozen, which wasn't a problem for me or Emmett, but the shovels were taking a beating.

 _Why don't we just take the bucket off the backhoe? I could lift that and get all this done with a few scoops._ He looked toward the old backhoe sitting at the forest edge. It had been rusting away in the sleet since we had consumed our fuel allotment. The combustible liquids were a precious commodity in terms of executing our plans, and Tanya had designated each of the task workforces with what she thought could be spared. We couldn't justify using anymore, not when Emmett and I could do the same work as the backhoe could.

"Tonight," I whispered to Emmett, jamming my shovel back into the dirt.

 _This is a waste of time. We could have this done in a couple of hours._ Emmett folded his arms and surveyed the land.

It was true, between the two of us, we could have all the pits dug out this afternoon. This was the last of the assignments; the digging of the pits. The ground was too hard for the humans to help, but a few still came out to work alongside us. There was a longing to feel useful amongst most of them, which we had to appreciate.

The preparations had been well under way for weeks. The compound had been fortified; the trebuchets were almost finished and training took place daily.

Seth's plan was good, provided we could execute it. If we could lead Maria's army to the battlefield of our choosing, we might stand a chance. Corral them into one spot, and let them come at us with their 'cavalry', as Maria called them. These would be the newborns, the inexperienced ones who would not be so cautious, and charge us on Maria's orders. It would take a few monstrous pits filled with oil and a handful sharp shooters to light them up. It wouldn't stop them, but as Charlie said, it would 'sure as hell slow them down.'

It was going to be complicated to coordinate everything, to keep us out of the line of fire, so to speak. If they would burn, so would we, but Charlie was confident in his people to carry out the diversion we needed to get close to Emilia. They spent hours choreographing the sequence in which the field would light up, and it turned out there were quite a few of the humans who could wield a bow and arrow, but one wrong shot and we were all at risk. It came down to trust, and it worked both ways.

It was amazing how much work could be accomplished with fourteen vampires who didn't need to sleep and had super strength and speed as a labor force. It was somewhat endless. Add the wolves to the list and we were all amazed at how quickly things came together.

No one rested—there was no time for it.

"Just keep up the facade," I said to Emmett under human hearing, "we'll do it tonight."

_It's just Cheney and the boys. They won't care, and Seth doesn't count._

It had been weeks since we divulged our secret to the humans. As expected, not everyone took the news well. Some were horrified and left on the first shuttle North, not believing any of the 'tall-tales' or wanting any part of them. Others had shown their true character and proven Carlisle right about the inner strength in humans and how it always surprised him. There were some who were selfless and their courage knew no bounds, like Angela and Ben. They had accepted what was dealt them and chose to stand alongside us despite the differences between us. Perhaps it was being a parent and wanting to protect their child's future, or maybe it was just who they were, 'cut from a good cloth' as Esme put it. Either way, there were many who showed colors such as theirs.

However, with every Cheney, came a Newton of the bunch, on the fence, and too afraid of what others thought of them to run away at the first opportunity. They were easily swayed by an imaginary pressure they thought their friends were imposing on them. They stayed behind, complaining the entire time, and feeling as though they had been robbed of their choices. As Carlisle said, they were still here and that had to count for something.

We were careful about exploiting our talents, quickly learning that, although many stayed to fight, the humans were still uneasy about our abilities. Demonstrating our strength and speed in broad daylight put them on edge. It made them uncomfortable, and at a time when we needed them to trust us, we thought it best to reserve the heavy stuff for when night fell and the humans were asleep. No one said anything when the sun rose and tasks which should have taken a week to finish were done in a night. They didn't ask, and we didn't tell. It was a blissful ignorance on their part, but also necessary.

For the past few days, Emmett and I had been tasked to finish digging the pits in the field where the battle was to take place. We were given a small group of humans which included: Seth, Ben, Tyler, Eric and Mike Newton. Seth always went where Emmett or I went, and neither of us minded his company, and Ben was shaping up to be a good friend. The only downside to that friendship was Newton who was no stranger to being disagreeable. He had something to say at every turn.

At present, he was trying to lift a boulder which was clearly too heavy for him. Tired of hearing him grunt and groan, Emmett picked the rock up with one hand and tossed it into the trees.

"This wouldn't be a problem if you'd just turn us," Newton spat out, wiping his brow. "There must be a way even if you won't tell us how."

"It's not that simple," Emmett said.

"Why not? Seems simple enough."

"Because it's not," Emmett said with finality.

It was a good question, and one I'd heard from a number of minds over the past weeks. There were many who wondered why they couldn't reap the benefits of an immortal life, and some even thought they deserved it. They only saw the benefits of our abilities, thinking it would solve many of our problems if we could match Maria's force with similar numbers. This was the first time someone had openly discussed it with one of us and I was curious as to how Emmett would handle it, so I chose to stay out of the conversation.

"We'd have double the strength!" Newton said.

"We're not about to go and turn everyone just to win. It defeats the whole purpose of why we're fighting."

"I'm not saying you have to turn everyone, duh. Just the ones that want to be." I saw Newton imagining himself as a vampire, all the strength and power, he was drowning in it he wanted it so badly. I had to fight myself not to laugh at the image.

Eric and Tyler had stopped clearing the dirt around the edge of a pit to hear what Emmett had to say. From the corner of my eye, I noticed Ben had continued working, never having entertained the thought; he worked, but was still straining his ears to listen.

It was no surprise Seth had joined the others in the conversation. He often wondered what the answer to the question would be, but never had the courage to ask.

"Then we'd have more newborns on our hands," Emmett said.

"So," Newton shrugged, "then we can actually fight and not hide behind walls that won't keep them out anyway."

"And then we'd be fighting you."

"No, you wouldn't. If you can manage, I think we'd be able to."

Emmett, annoyed with how the conversation was going, bent down to pick up the handle of the broken shovel. Before he had fully risen, he was up in Newton's face. "Do you know how long I've been like this?" He snapped the wooden handle in two as though it was a breadstick. "It's been eighty-one years since I was turned. _Eighty one._ Do you get that?" He towered over him, and his shoulders were a good foot wider than Newton's. I thought Newton would take a step back, but he was too frightened to move. If his bladder was full, he would have emptied it right where he stood.

"It's taken me decades to control the bloodlust. It consumes you, takes over all your rational thinking. Not that you've ever had much to begin with." Emmett tilted his head, bending down so he was eye level with Newton. "You think this is easy for me, right now? I hear five human heartbeats. _Five_. They pound away in my ears, and right now yours matches the pace of the rabbit just beyond those bushes over there. I smell your blood rushing through your veins. It never goes away, you never get used to it. I tolerate it because the alternative is draining your skinny ass dry. And my wife, whom I'm rather fond of, doesn't like it when I do that. When you're turned into something like me, you become a killer. Don't ever forget what we are, Newton. There's a hunger that calls and it's never satisfied." Emmett licked his lips, and I saw his eyes had turned black. Newton was in no danger, none of them were, I knew what Emmett was trying to accomplish, and his little display was doing what he intended.

"You turn on your friends, your family, just to have a taste...to try and quench the thirst that never goes away. It doesn't matter who they are, you wouldn't see them or their faces. All you would see, hear, taste, _need_...is their blood pulsing beneath their skin." Emmett put a finger on Newton's carotid artery, feeling his rapid pulse. "You feel me?" He kept his finger there for a few more seconds and Newton, Tyler and Eric all held their breaths, too terrified to move.

Emmett laughed, taking a step away to give them some distance. His eyes had turned back to their amber gold, and his shoulders relaxed. "Besides," he said, "if I had to spend an eternity on this earth knowing you'd be here with me, Newton, I'd kill you myself before letting that happen."

Newton's face drained of all its blood. His knees collapsed, landing him on his backside in the dirt pile. All his notions of being turned were pushed aside. Instead, he concentrated on keeping his lunch in his stomach. We could smell his fear, Tyler and Eric's too, even though they were trying to make light of what just happened. It wasn't the most ideal solution to the problem, it didn't help our cause convincing them we were on their side, but it had to be done. Once the family had made the decision to tell the humans, we all agreed not one of them would be turned to help fight the battle, not even with the most sound and logical of reasons. It wasn't because of the treaty, if it still existed, but we had made a promise to Jacob and Charlie.

Fear made people do irrational things, like wanting to be immortal, and there was no doubt the humans would be frightened once they heard the truth. None of the humans would get to make a decision such as that when faced with what was coming. We wouldn't even give them the option, only sharing the knowledge with the ones who could be trusted.

Emmett apologized in his head to me, and went to help Seth with the oil drums, leaving Ben and I to carry on with our work.

I liked Ben. He was a good father, a good husband to Angela and he was a rational thinker. If circumstances were different, I think he and I could have become good friends. He was one of the few people who were genuinely comfortable around us. A lot of that probably came from Angela, but the two of them understood what this all meant, and what we were trying to achieve. They wanted a better life for their daughter, and if it meant standing with us to do it, they would look past _what_ we were and rely on _who_ we were.

"Alice told Angela the good news," Ben said. "Congratulations, Edward." He smiled, while he held the handles of the wheelbarrow waiting for me to finish filling it. Like most, he and Angela were shocked by the news of Bella's return, but the shock eventually wore off and they were happy to have their friend back, if not for their sake's then for Charlie's.

"Don't let Bella hear the wedding talk," I said, throwing a shovel full of dirt in the wheelbarrow. "She'll decapitate Alice and we need all the heads we have."

"Why not?" Ben said, not sure whether to laugh or be appalled at the idea of Bella removing Alice's head, and whether it could actually be done.

"Alice is going a little overboard about the idea of a wedding," I said. "If she had her way, which she usually does, we'd be having the wedding on Christmas morning."

Ben laughed at the idea of throwing a wedding together in a matter of days.

"Don't laugh. I've seen her do much more in less time. Emmett and Rosalie have been married more times than you can count on both hands. Alice has it down to a science, now. Even in this world she'd be capable of something extraordinary."

We worked in silence a little longer and I knew the question Ben wanted to ask me, but I let him have his thoughts. When we revealed what we were, we didn't divulge everything. We were hesitant about sharing too much information with them, choosing to keep some of our extra talents a secret. They were straddling the border of hysteria as it was just learning about vampires and werewolves, we didn't need to add mind-readers and empaths to the mix.

"Do you mind if I ask—and you can tell me to butt out—but, why do you and Bella want to wait? I would think you'd want to get married right away, before all of this...you know, like how soldiers get married before going off to war." Ben didn't finish the rest of his thoughts out loud, but he wondered if the difference was a vampire thing. "You've waited so long already, I just thought the two of you wouldn't want to wait anymore."

I rested my arm on the handle of the shovel and gave him a smile. I didn't need to give him a reason, but Ben was the one person I thought would understand once I did explain it. He was being honest with me, so the least I could do was be honest in return.

"Soldiers going to war leave someone or something behind to hold on to," I said. "It's someone they can come back to, like an anchor keeping them on this earth. Bella and I will stand together through this, beside each other. The only thing we have to hold on to is a future together. As husband and wife. Our impending marriage will be what anchors us. It'll keep us fighting knowing what awaits us when we live through this."

He stopped for a moment, and straightened up, standing tall. A part of his posture was out of respect, and a part of it was an understanding. He thought of Angela and baby Isabella who would be taking the last transport to Alaska after Christmas. He would hold on to them, fight for them, for their futures, so he understood exactly what I meant, just like I thought he would. He nodded, clearing his throat.

"There was a time when I thought you and I were from different worlds," Ben said, "and that was before I knew what you really were. Now that I know, I can say we've more in common today than we did back then. We're not so different, you and I." He lifted the full wheelbarrow and took his leave, pushing it toward the forest's edge.

 _Maybe he should leave when the last of them go_ , Emmett said from across the field, silently worried about Ben and his family.

It was something I wished Ben would do, but both Emmett and I knew he wasn't the type of man to run away. He would stay along with a lot of other good men and women. It was hard to swallow, knowing most would probably die, but Charlie was adamant every person would get to make their own decision for themselves and their families. Those who wanted to leave would leave. Those who stayed would stay, but everyone would know the risks involved in either choice.

The past few weeks had been somewhat quieter, with over half the compound gone. Most of the skeptics and the troublemakers were sent to Alaska on the first runs north. Charlie had insisted. We had a lot to prepare for and he wanted to avoid any further conflict. It hadn't been easy on Charlie, trying to convince the people we were here to help. He did his best to defend us and our actions, but their reactions hadn't surprised any one of us.

" _What's this about?" came a shout from the crowd._

" _Did you come up with a name for this place, yet?"_

" _I thought we were having a contest?"_

" _My vote's for Spoons!"_

_Standing at the front of the church, Charlie chuckled as he raised his hands in the air to quiet everyone down. "We'll take that one into consideration, Mr. Crowley, but no, this isn't about that." The crowd's disappointment echoed around the room. They weren't oblivious to Charlie's grave face. He looked to me to make sure things were okay. It was my job to keep an ear on the them, while Jasper's was to monitor their mood, sway them a little if needed. So far, things were as calm as they could be._

" _I'm afraid it's a bit more serious than that." The crowd finally quieted down; everyone was listening to him now. "Seems we're in for some hard times ahead." Murmurs erupted again, but Charlie talked over them. "I'm going to ask the impossible of each of you today. I think I've managed to steer you right up until now, at least I hope I have."_

" _Yeah, you have!" More shouts of encouragement around the room._

" _I'm not really sure how to say this." He scratched his moustache, looking to Carlisle for some help._

" _Just spit it out, old man!" They laughed._

" _I suppose that's best. Look," he took a deep breath, "another war is coming." He waited for them to settle before continuing. "It's not like any war the people on this earth have fought before. There's an army coming and they mean to kill, take you from your loved ones, and possibly enslave you."_

_At his words, there was more laughter, and some even threw hand gestures his way, calling him crazy._

" _Charlie is right," Carlisle shouted over the catcalls. "We're at war and this war cannot be reconciled any other way than to fight back."_

" _Go on, Doc! I bet you've got some fancy guns stored up somewhere. We hear you had 'em mounted on your vehicles when you got here."_

_Charlie held up his hands when the crowd's voices rose in agreement. "Guns won't work. Not this time." Taking off his hat, he placed it on the pulpit, bowing his head. "What I'm about to tell you will seem unreal. You'll think I'm a slice short of a loaf, but this is real. All of it. And sometimes the monsters we tell our children about are real, too."_

_This got everyone talking, and panic started to settle in. Jasper stepped up, and although it was subtle, those of us who knew what to expect felt it as he tried to calm everyone down._

" _I'm not asking any of you to fight. You'll all have a choice, but in order to make that choice, you have to know the whole truth and what we're actually facing. We'll send the sick, the young and those past their prime up to Alaska. We've found a place for you there. Anyone who wants to go is free to do so, without remorse. Those who choose to stay will make a stand here with the rest of us. There's a good chance most of us won't survive, but if we lose, none of us will survive no matter how far we run..."_

"Do you ever wish you could turn it off?" Seth's voice snapped me back from the memory.

"All the time," I said, without thinking. The others were off near the tree line making sure the excess dirt was hidden, so we were alone and free to talk openly.

"If you had the choice to get rid of it for good, would you?"

No one had ever asked me that before. They asked what it was like, or if I could pick and choose when I could turn it on and off, but never whether I wanted to get rid of it altogether. My family never asked because, like everything about being a vampire, it was something I couldn't change. But with Emilia coming, I had been thinking about the loss of my ability on more than one occasion.

"If I'm being honest, I really don't know. I can't remember a time without the voices. Everything to do with who I am is because of my ability. It shapes how I act, how I treat people. I guess I've been cheating my entire life. I don't think I'd know how to just…be."

"Does it scare you? You know, Emilia coming."

His questions always surprised me. The kid had a lot of insight and we never gave him enough credit for it. "It does," I said. "I worry I won't be strong enough to help my family. Without knowing my opponent's thoughts, I don't know how good I can be. I worry I'll fail them."

Seth was staring at the ground, and I tried not to be intrusive into his thoughts, but his mind was jumping all over the place. Eventually he settled on what he wanted to say. "You're not the only one who feels that way."

His stomach growled—a loud, hollow sound that seemed to echo in my ears. We both laughed as I said, "We should call it a day." All of the humans were getting hungry, and even though Emmett and I could have continued for hours, the daylight was fading, so it was a good time to pack it in and get them back to the compound.

"Have you decided on the Christmas celebrations?" Seth asked as we started to load up Emmett's jeep. "Are you joining us?"

"The family has decided to keep it low key. Carlisle thinks it's for the best." Actually, it was me who thought it was best, and I convinced the others. Despite no one openly speaking of it, we still weren't welcome by everyone inside the compound. They accepted the reality of us, but they feared us almost as much as Maria's army. It wasn't fair to add to their fears with our presence on Christmas. It was a time for them to celebrate with their family and friends. Carlisle wanted the humans to have their day of peace, and we would give it to them by staying away.

"You have just as much right to be there as anyone else," Seth said.

"You and your family may think that, Seth, but not a lot of them share your opinions. I know, remember?" I tapped the side of my head as I shut the back door. "Some of them will never get past what we are."

" _Jesus, Charlie! Who the hell is coming this way? Is it the commies?"_

" _I'm getting to it, but before I do, I want you all to know that right here, right now, is the best chance we have for the survival of the human race. This, here and now, is where we start our new pages of history."_

 _For the most part, only a few had picked up on Charlie's carefully chosen words: 'human race.' Angela gripped Ben's hand while her eyes were trained on me at the side of the room where I stood with Jasper and some of the wolves. Somehow she knew this had to do with us, and how_ unnatural _we seemed. She'd always felt it, and now her sixth sense was ringing alarm bells deep within her._

_By the time Charlie, with the help of Carlisle and Jacob and some demonstrations, finished explaining what they would be facing, many had left the church, cursing and frightened for their lives. Some had wept, and others were too shocked to do anything but sit and listen. It was clear who the outsiders were, though, and the threats we imposed. Jacob and his brothers knew most of them all of their lives, so it was a easier for the people of the compound to accept what Jacob and his pack were, even if they were shape-shifting monsters. Us on the other hand, we were the very same monsters that were coming for them and their children._

" _How do we know they ain't fixin' to take our loved ones away from us, and slaughter us in our sleep?"_

" _I'm disappointed in you, Lenny. If the Cullens meant to cause us harm, we'd all have been dead ten years ago!" Charlie fired back._

" _Maybe we're their new food supply. Ever think of that? They kept us alive so they'd have all the food they'd need. You let these monsters in here! In a house of worship, no less!"_

" _You want to protect your children?" Charlie was yelling, now, along with Seth. "Then you'll listen to what they have to say. They're here to help!"_

_Carlisle's expression was filled with grief. He doubted the decision to involve the humans, and was regretting his vote, knowing we were asking too much of these people. Just like his own father, he thought, some of these people would never move past their fears. It was human nature, and history was full of reactions based on fear. No matter how hard we tried, some would never change their tune._

"That's their problem, then," Seth said.

"It's all of our problem. They need to be able to trust us. We can't force it on them."

The humans had listened to what we had to say, the advice we had to give, and even tolerated working beside us, over-looking our extraordinary strength and speed, but that was the extent of it. It was genuine trepidation on their part. I think the hardest was watching Rosalie. School was cancelled to prepare for what was coming, and most of the students had been sent away already, but a part of her wondered if the school had been closed because of her, that parents were uneasy about sending their children to school to be taught by a 'blood-sucking monster.' I wanted to placate her assumptions, but unfortunately I could not. Although I would never tell her, there were a number of reasons why they closed the school and one of those reasons had been Rosalie.

"Well, Charlie wants Bella with us," Seth said, climbing into the jeep. "He'd never ask you, but he does. He's needed at the service or he'd be at the house with all of you. It's not fair to make him choose, not like this. Not on Christmas."

He was right. The kid always was.

**-:-**

FOR THE PAST FEW nights, Bella and I had been stealing some time to ourselves. Breaking in to Carlisle and Esme's house at the compound once the humans had retired for the evening. It was the only place we could be alone without both families hovering nearby. It was the closest we could come to a human life. For those brief hours before dawn, we felt like man and wife in our own home, in our own bed, even if we did everything but sleep.

When I could think again, the first coherent thought which crossed my mind was that I would never get used to this, to Bella. Lying on her side in front of me, the curve of her body fit snug against mine. Her scent was all around me, and I found it difficult to imagine a time without her now. Inhaling, I pulled her closer to me. We were as intimate as the act itself finished up only moments ago. I hated to break our comfortable silence, but as usual, something was weighing heavily on my mind.

"I have to tell you something," I said, tracing my favourite spot on her belly. "You're probably not going to like it."

"Have I liked anything that's been happening lately?" She lifted her head from the pillow, so she could get a better look at me.

"Well," I said, laughing, "you seemed to like what we did just a few minutes ago."

"Edward." She bent her head and nipped my shoulder with her teeth.

"Ow!" I flipped us over so she was underneath me. I braced for the retaliation, knowing I shouldn't have done it, but when we were alone like this it was hard to remember the wounded warrior she was. This time, I didn't see the panic in her eyes. She only smiled, which in turn filled me with light.

Bella was healing.

I paused to kiss her because her lips were so close, and because there was nothing more I could think of doing. All logical thought was gone again. I kissed her until I had to force myself to stop. She needed to know, even though I struggled with whether or not it was the right decision. With one last touch of her tongue, I drew away. Her eyes were slightly out of focus, and I buried my face into her neck, inhaling her scent one last time.

"Leah has asked something of Carlisle," I whispered. "No one else knows. He hasn't even approached me about it, even though he realizes I'm aware of their plan."

My words got her attention; her lust-filled smile faded while she waited for me to continue. I regretted breaking the moment we were having, but there couldn't be any secrets between us.

"Leah wants a contingency plan," I said.

"The bunker. Isn't that what we decided?"

"The hospital is the last stand, yes, but she wants more than that." I confessed what Leah and Carlisle had been doing during their time together. We all thought he was teaching her as much as he could, to pass on whatever knowledge he had to share in preparation. But there was a more grave reason. Leah wanted to give the humans one last final decision: be taken by Maria, or not.

It was a simple draught Carlisle developed from the yew trees, a highly toxic poison mixed with a sleeping serum. One would just lie down and go to sleep. There would be no pain, no panic, no torture and it would save them from the life Maria had planned for them. No one knew about it, not even Charlie, and no one would until the last possible point of survival.

Charlie had given everyone a choice, and now Leah would as well.

Bella lay underneath me with her head turned to the side. Her neck was bare and stretched, tempting me beyond all reason, but I waited for her to process my confession before satiating my own needs. She was so still, I began to doubt my decision to tell her. It was one more thing to add to her worries, and I should have kept it to myself. As I hovered over her trying to read her face, I caught a glimpse of relief in her eyes.

"You're relieved?"

"I am."

Watching the light come though the homespun curtains as the sun started to rise, I finally understood the horrors of what Maria represented. Bella would rather see her family and friends dead than be taken and forced into that life.

The relief was replaced with unease. "Do you think I could ask Alice about my da— about Charlie? Would she tell me what she sees for him?" Biting her lip, her body was tense underneath me as she waited for my answer.

"You can ask, I'm not sure how much she'll see since his life is so closely intertwined with the wolves, but I think Alice would be honest with you. The question you have to ask is if you want to know. I've lived with Alice for over sixty years and in that time I've been privy to most of her visions. It's hard for her, knowing when something bad is going to happen. The thing is, nothing is certain. We make all kinds of decisions which affect our daily lives. Alice can't account for that. Humans are unpredictable at the best of times. Anything could happen to Charlie and Alice wouldn't know, not unless she's watching the decisions he makes all the time." I paused to watch the expression on her face, turn from dread to acceptance. "You'll drive yourself crazy worrying about it. Trying to keep someone safe…doesn't always work out like we plan, especially if their last name is _Swan_."

She laughed. The light was back in her eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it came. "He'll be all right, won't he?

I wanted to tell her yes, to calm her worries. The truth was, none of us were going to be all right after this. "I don't know, Bella." I took a deep breath and sighed. "Charlie wanted this. He wanted to risk his life for you, to protect _you_ because he's your father and loves you. That's what you have to remember. There are people who love you enough to risk everything. Which is exactly what you're doing as well."

"They're ready, right?"

This time she didn't need the truth from me; she didn't want it. It would do no good to tell her the humans were frightened beyond rational thought, that there weren't enough of us to take on the army that would be on our doorstep in less than a week. She certainly didn't need to know there were limited arrows to go around for the humans, that if they missed their targets, we would all be doomed. And that wasn't accounting for the possibility of rain. The variables were too great, especially when everything depended on one thing: the newborns taking the bait. If they were disciplined and didn't let their bloodlust drive their reasoning, the plan would fail. They had to be enticed and be lead into the traps we'd laid out for them. The scent of blood had to draw them in and the false ground scattered all over the field had to give way, trapping them waist deep in the tar and oil for just a brief moment while the flaming arrows made their mark, igniting the fuel to burn their bodies. It all had to be perfectly timed, perfectly played like an orchestra. One wrong note and the symphony would change from a battaglia to a dirge.

There was so much at stake in those first moments of the battle. So many obstacles to overcome and then the real campaign would begin. Jasper and Alice, accompanied by some of the wolves, would go after Emilia, to seek her out and destroy her so Bella could ultimately win the war for us. We couldn't spare anyone else, the rest would have the task of fighting the masses, while Bella and I went after Maria, waiting for that moment when we knew Alice and Jasper had succeeded. It was such a long stretch, but still, none of us were ready to give up.

No, Bella didn't need to hear the truth from me. She knew what the truth was. They had bigger guns than us.

I traced my finger down the length of her cheek, ending at her mouth. My thumb pulled down her bottom lip which was caught snugly in her teeth. With my best conviction and unwavering stare, I said, "They're ready." I gave her a smile, and made sure it reached my eyes. "We all are."

"Liar," she whispered. "I love you for it." It was her turn to place a soft kiss on my lips. It was tender, lingering a little longer than either of us intended, and it broke my heart. "I think we should go to the Christmas service," she said, breaking our kiss. "I know what you and Carlisle think, but—"

"I was hoping you'd be the one to change our minds." I smiled down at her.

"I have to think about Charlie. Christmas was always hard for him, and I don't want to let him down. I've missed the last ten, and who knows if we'll live to see any more. I need to tell him what he means to me, and I think showing up at church will be enough for Charlie."

It was a rough kiss this time. Capturing her hands, I held them over her head trying to steal her will as she fought me, laughing. With a devilish look in her eyes, she flipped us over, her hair falling over her shoulders creating a veil between us as she leaned down brushing her lips—and a hint of teeth—along the nape of my neck.

"The sun's up," I said, shivering from the sensation. We had to be on our way soon, even if I wanted to bury my fingers in her hair and stay here until she could wipe the grin from my face. "If we start this now—"

"Edward Cullen, you are such a tease. _You're_ the one who started this."

**-:-**

TEN YEARS AGO IT was ash that fell, floating in the sky covering every inch of every surface in a thick layer of gray. Eerily silent. Tonight, as we made our way to the compound, it was snow—large flakes falling from the sky—floating and insulating the sounds of the night. It was pure and white, it was everywhere, and with the candlelit lanterns it truly made it a winter wonderland. It was a beautiful night as we walked to the church with the echoes of singing being the only sound carrying on the wind. The people's voices were strong and clear, and as we stood outside the doors listening to the words, it was difficult not to think this was an omen.

"Nothing like a little 'O Come, All Ye Faithful' knowing it might be the last time you sing it on this earth." Emmett hadn't said it with any hint of humor; his sincerity was felt by every one of us. We hadn't told Charlie we were coming, thinking it best not to let everyone get worked up over our arrival. We also hadn't come bearing gifts. We didn't want them to think we were buying their acceptance, so we came as we were, dressed in humbled clothing, not even our finer things knowing we would still be overdressed. These decisions seemed like a good idea at the time, but as we stood listening to a carol about rejoicing in the Lord and coming to witness the miracle in Bethlehem, we could not help thinking even the Wise Men brought gifts. Intruding on them with empty hands made us feel just that...empty.

Carlisle took the first step forward, knocking lightly before opening the door. The singing stopped as soon as the door swung ajar, and everyone swiveled in their seats, staring opened mouthed at the fourteen of us. Gifts would have been a good idea, at least to break the tension. Instead we all stood awkwardly waiting for someone to make the first move.

It was Charlie who jumped up, beaming when his eyes landed on his daughter. His eyes welled with tears as he placed his hands on his hips.

"Well, it's about time," he said, his voice booming around the room since everyone was as silent as a prayer. "We started without you, but there's room up at the front here." He didn't even skip a beat, ushering people to squeeze in so we could all sit together. Greeting each one us, he shook our hands and asked who of us had any singing abilities. Sue passed around the few copies of the carol book and welcomed us all the same. Putting an arm around Bella, she made her sit beside her, with me on the other side.

Charlie took the pulpit and waited for each of us to settle before speaking. It was a bit of déjà vu with all the silence.

Looking to where Angela was sitting with Ben and the baby, he nodded to the derelict piano in the corner. "What do you say, Mrs. Cheney? How about something a little lighter this time?" His mustache widened with his smile.

A look of mortification crossed Angela's face, followed by a deep red which spread up her neck to her cheeks. "Chief! I-I can't. Not when..." She looked down at her fingers.

"Come now," Charlie joked, "you were doing just fine before."

"I only know those few songs, and they were _terrible_ at best! Please, don't make me, don't humiliate me." Angela knew how well I played, she remembered from years ago when Bella told her, and the thought of playing her 'chopstick-like' rendition of a few Christmas carols in front of me and our family had embarrassed her.

"Edward can play," Bella volunteered.

It was the first time Bella had spoken in front of the humans, at least in such a crowd. My body jerked at her words, as did everyone else's, each of us shocked by her outburst, but no one more than me. Giving me a quick smile, she squeezed my hand when she noticed what could only be described as a murderous look coming from me.

She squeezed my hand again. "You can do this," she whispered. "Think of it as my Christmas gift. Please?"

All it took was that one word, and I would do anything for her, and she knew it.

"Is that so?" Charlie asked, with his eyebrows raised. "My future son-in-law can play the piano?"

"He plays beautifully," Esme piped up in defense of Bella's statement.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Edward," Charlie gestured with his arm, "show us what you got."

"It's not really in tune," Angela said, "but it's the best we have."

It was not lost on any of my family that a baby grand piano in pristine condition was back at the house and sat unplayed for a decade, and here in the corner of the church was an upright—run-down and out of tune—shared by hundreds. Of course the guilt was what swayed my decision.

Leaning down, I kissed Bella on her cheek and whispered in her ear, "I'll get you for this." I kissed her again. "You're going to owe me."

"Looking forward to it, Mr. Cullen."

Slowly standing up, I pretended to stretch, giving way to the facade we were trying to maintain. "It's been a while, so I'm a little rusty." The walk up to the front was hampered by the silence in the room. The voices in my head were curious and apprehensive by our presence. If I hadn't known better, I would have thought Charlie and Angela had orchestrated this as a way to win the crowd over. Pulling out the bench, I sat down examining the foot pedals.

"There's some sheet music in the bench," Angela called out, smiling as she adjusted the baby in her lap.

"I think I can remember where my hands go," I said. "Any requests?" I looked up over the crowd and zeroed in on Bella. She winked, as Charlie sat in my seat next to her.

"Surprise us!" came a masculine shout from the back, but I recognized Quil's voice all the same, along with his laughter at my predicament.

Charlie wanted something light, so I started the first few bars and eventually everyone joined in, catching up with "laughing all the way." It was easy to recall the notes, my fingers never faltered, and before my eyes, the faces throughout the room lost the coating of wariness and cynicism, melting like the snowflakes trapped on our boot soles.

I played carol after carol, some light and fun, others more solemn and tranquil, and when I finished a version of _White Christmas_ I rested my hands on the wood, and looked over to Esme, smiling.

_Don't you dare, Edward!_

I nodded, not giving in. The mood in the room was jovial, and whether it was Jasper amplifying the ambience, or just the spirit in the air, the church was overflowing with it. I wanted to see how far I could push my luck. Esme was the one who wanted me to keep playing, and I was going to make her 'sing for her supper,' as they say. She wasn't going to get off easy tonight. I hadn't forgotten her earlier outburst.

"Some of you don't know this," I said, giving her a cheeky grin, "but Esme sings _beautifully_. I was hoping we could convince her to come up and join me for one last song." Now it was her turn to send me death threats with her eyes, but not only could I see them, I could hear them and laughed at her curses.

"Oh, please do, Esme," Sue said with a hopeful look in her eyes. "If you sing the way Edward plays, it will make this Christmas night complete."

 _Touché, Edward,_ Esme said in her head. _I deserve this, but I'll not forgive you for it._

There were a few silent comments from my family, congratulating me on roping Esme into a performance. It had been many, many years since we heard her sing. Singing was a reminder of her human life, and she didn't like to dwell too much in those painful memories, but tonight wasn't about any of that. It was a night for peace, and joy, and as Carlisle put it, Esme had 'a voice like an angel,' so it was only fitting for her to sing tonight.

Only one song would do this evening justice, and that was the one I would play. She knew it as well.

Standing at the edge of the piano, she turned so she was slightly facing me, and slightly facing Carlisle. And even though she pretended to be angry with me, her eyes were filled with nothing but warmth and love. This was her prayer to us—to everyone. She simply nodded, clasped her hands and waited for me to begin. The first few bars of _Ave Maria_ resounded from the piano as my fingers moved. Esme took a deep breath, opened her mouth, and indeed, the sound of angels came forth.

Gasps echoed throughout the room as everyone held their breaths listening to the sounds of the foreign words, sung in perfect pitch, calling to the Holy Mother to intercede on our behalf. Locking eyes, I played, Esme sang, and both of us got lost in the meaning of the music. When we finished, we were too afraid to look out at the church pews, and instead held each other's gaze.

 _I love you_ , she said. _You are my child in every way that matters._

There was only silence at first, and then it was broken by a chorus of sobs. When I finally had the nerve to look at our audience, apart from the fourteen of us who couldn't shed any tears, there wasn't a dry eye in the church.

Charlie took to the pulpit again, and even his eyes held the evidence of how emotionally charged the room had become. He thanked us, hugging each of us and proudly smiled at his daughter and the family she had given him.

"Doc— Carlisle— I wondered if you might say a few words. I'm not one for speeches, not like you, and I thought you might lead us in a prayer."

Carlisle raised his hands in protest, remembering all too well how it went down the last time he spoke in front of these people. He knew they would be reminded of it, too. He was never one to panic, or at least not one to show it, but he did not want to be put on the spot like this and he appreciated what Esme and I had just gone through.

"Go on, Doc!" a yell came from the back of the room.

It was as good a time as any, and I said as much to Carlisle. The crowd was subdued, whether it was Christmas itself or too much of Tyler and Eric's moonshine punch, either way, they were in good spirits and if Carlisle had wanted one last chance to address them before the battle, now was the opportunity.

Rubbing his hands on his thighs, he shook his head back and forth weighing what he could possibly say to them. Esme patted his arm reassuringly, but neither of us had ever witnessed him this nervous.

"You can do this," I whispered, echoing the words Bella had said to me.

Slowly standing, he adjusted his tie as he approached the pulpit. Shaking Charlie's hand when he reached him, Carlisle took his spot, looking down while he rested his hands on the wooden top. "I don't think I can compete with my talented and beautiful wife," he looked up, giving her a smile, "but I'll try my best."

Carlisle was no stranger to standing in front of crowds and speaking. Over the years of attending countless medical symposiums, he was at ease with it, but tonight was different. With nothing prepared, his thoughts took an unexpected turn toward his father. Knowing I was 'listening,' he shared one last sympathetic look with me before speaking.

"I'm not sure if I should be the one up here in front of all of you on this holy day." There were some nods around the room from people in agreement, a few silent decrees of blasphemy, but they would never dare speak them aloud, not here, not with so many of the others present. Only I was subjected to them and thankful my family was unaware.

"Not many of you know this, but my father was a pastor, so I'll try my best to call upon some of the things he instilled in me. He was by no means a saint. He wasn't even a good man by today's standards. He was a man ruled by his fears," Carlisle paused as he thought about his father and what he represented, "which is a very dangerous thing."

Carlisle sought me out and locked eyes with me and then Bella. He held her gaze for a moment before looking around the rest of the room, meeting the eyes of some of the humans. "Some of you have been kind enough and curious to ask me and my family about our lives, and where we came from. Others of you may be too afraid to ask. Perhaps tonight I can put some of your suspicions to rest." He cleared his throat. "It is true—I have been on this earth well over three hundred years, almost four."

There were gasps around the room. I had been expecting them, and so had Carlisle, but some of the family had not. They shifted uneasily in their seats, waiting for the backlash. I eased them as best I could while Jasper worked the room, hoping not to draw too much attention to ourselves. "I understand it's a lot to take in, and hard to believe." The murmurs continued, but Carlisle remained strong and waited for them to subside, giving Charlie a look of reassurance.

"My father claimed he was doing the work of God, and wished for me to follow in his footsteps. Eager to please him, like any good son, I too chose to rid the world of evil and sin. So that's what I did. I was "God's own vigilante" as my father put it, and together we sought out the creatures of the night, the same creatures who share this Christmas Eve with you under this same roof.

"For all my father's faults, he truly believed he was God's instrument. He didn't see reason, or even rule with compassion, and many innocent people lost their lives at the hands of my father. This was why I knew acceptance and forgiveness was not something that would come easily for him, not when I was turned by the very thing we were trying to hunt."

I knew how difficult this was for Carlisle. He never spoke of his transformation. I was only privy because he couldn't hide it from me, but he refused to talk about it with anyone. For him to share this with everyone was a true testament of faith. He knew what many of them thought of us, and he wanted them to understand we knew.

"I am that monster," Carlisle continued. "An abomination of God, as my father put it, cursing every one of our kind. But I was once a man no different than most of you. For a long time I thought God had turned me to punish me for all of my sins and those of my father. Over the centuries I've come to accept it wasn't true. I am His instrument, that part is correct. I've spent hundreds of years trying to figure out why He let me live, because you see, I still believe in God even after all that I have seen, all that has happened. I didn't always. I lost my way and it took the love of my family to show me He does exist. He has blessed me with loved ones, with _friends_." He looked around the room, his eyes settling on Charlie, and Seth and even Jacob. "I've lived a good and righteous life, one I hope my father would have been proud of despite what I've become. I understand now, I _was_ put on this earth to rid the world of sin and evil, and I hope..." he paused and cleared his throat, "I _hope_ we do just that by standing alongside one another defending what is good and holy in this world. I cannot promise I can protect you from this, but I can promise to fight with you and never abandon you."

I met Carlisle's eyes while he continued to deliver his sermon. We didn't need words, through his eyes he said everything he ever wanted to say to me. I felt his pride and his joy, but most importantly I felt his love. There was a bond that was unspoken, and with Marcus' gift I knew what it looked like. The bonds were everywhere in this room. Vampire, wolf, human, we were all connected, and Carlisle liked to believe that had to do with God. There was a time when I would have mocked him, but not today. Today was a day to cast aside doubts and just believe.

"God _is_ on our side," Carlisle said. "He will lead us to whatever path He has chosen for us. I stand before you all on this hour of need and pray with you, hoping He will hear our calling.

"Lord," Carlisle said, bending his head over the pulpit, "I ask that you guide me through this day of days. Keep my family, my friends safe, comfort them and if it is your will that I should fall, let me be worthy of your Kingdom and let me be worthy of my death, for I was not worthy of my first."

There was a peace inside the church. No one moved. There were no sounds, only the wind from outside could be heard. Even the voices in my head were quiet. The same feeling I had in Carlisle's study the night we played chess passed through me. A chill I didn't wish to acknowledge. I was gripping Bella's hand ever so tightly, which I hadn't realized until she brought the back of my hand to her lips. I briefly wondered if she felt the chill with me, and then I knew she did when Charlie was the first to stand. Breaking the silence of the room, all eyes swept to him, waiting with breaths held for him to be the first to speak.

Charlie met Carlisle's eyes. The two shared a look which had the potential to haunt me for years.

"Amen." Charlie's voice was solid and sure, and I could tell he felt every one of Carlisle's words, all the way to the depths of his soul.

"Amen," Carlisle whispered in return.

-:-


	37. Every Man Has His Price

**CHAPTER 36**

**-:- Every Man Has His Price -:-**

* * *

THE ONLY THING MISSING was the sound of thumping bass drums pounding away as we stood at the edge of the battlefield. It would have completed the climatic vibe we were all feeling, but I kept my thoughts to myself so as not to give Emmett any ideas. All morning his head had been filled with enough running commentary to score an entire soundtrack for this fateful day. I suppose it was a way for him to deal with his unease. His pent up energy had found an outlet in the form of song. He kept his fears locked tight to the lyrics he recited over and over in his head, except he couldn't hide them from me. His songs had ranged from heavy metal and rap, to rock and even some Neil Diamond when he was near Rosalie, but as we stood waiting, his whisperings changed from, 'let the bodies hit the floor' to a different sort all together.

"Stop it!" I hissed at him and his melodramatic thoughts.

_Sorry, Edward. Just nervous, I guess._

I didn't acknowledge his apology, because now the sound of thumping bass drums _had_ invaded my mind. I couldn't get the melody of _O Fortuna_ out of my head thanks to him. Over and over, the drums pounded in tune to the heartbeats of the humans who stood behind us on the walls. I could hear the voices of an imaginary choir singing in my head while we waited for our destiny to be delivered to us.

I had never experienced war.

I had lived through a few, but never took part. I'd never stood at the edge of a battlefield at dawn waiting for the enemy to come, and I'd never stood side by side with a brotherhood of men (and women) who would give their lives for a worthy enough cause. I never knew what it was like to hold a weapon in my hand knowing I could kill with it.

Looking down at my hands, with Emmett's soundtrack playing in my head, I realized I was the weapon. I would be the killing machine, not some metal instrument that could be fired across the length of a field. It would be me and these hands which would end the lives of my enemies. My family would depend on me, these simple hands, to save them. This was my fate, and it was so closely tied to every one of them and every one of my adversaries.

Yes, I had killed before, but somehow this all felt foreign to me. It felt much more dramatic killing en mass—killing for my loved one's survival. Clenching my hands into fists, I took a deep breath to find my center, to block out all of the voices around me.

I sought out the silence of Bella. She was beside me, and seemingly at peace—more so than the rest of us. She had left me, and in her place was her other self, the one who had survived a decade of torture and learned to fight until there was no one left to fight. This was the warrior who had seen many battles.

.

" _Tonight," she said. "It will be tonight." I didn't disagree with her. We had the reports of where Maria's army was and the miles she was covering each day. It would be tonight or early afternoon._

" _It's a red sky," she said turning away from me toward the window. A sliver of the sun could be seen through the trees and it was blood red._

" _Don't hold any stock in that," I said, pulling her closer. "It was the same sky the morning of the harvest festival. And that was a good day."_

" _Promise me you won't be a hero."_

" _What do you mean?" I asked._

" _You know what it means. I know what's in your heart. I've heard you with Jasper and Garrett."_

" _Bella," I whispered, prompting her to turn around so I could look at her, "I want her to pay for what she did to you, that's no secret. But that was before. These people, our friends are more important to me._ We _are more important to me."_

" _I just found all of you," she said under her breath. "What was the point of all of this?"_

" _We're not going anywhere. We lost each other once, it will never happen again."_

_She didn't need tears to let me know she was hurting. "Don't be a hero. Please," she whispered._

Edward _. Carlisle's thoughts came from downstairs._ The sun is rising, it's time.

.

This morning, under a blood red sky, was the last time _my_ Bella was with me. Carlisle had announced the dawn, and she had switched off. In her place was Garrett's Phoenix. I didn't begrudge her. All of us had turned off a part of ourselves. Whether it was Emmett reciting lyrics, Carlisle and Eleazar praying, or Leah meticulously going through her supplies for the umpteenth time, this day—while we prepared for what was coming—was spent finding that place where we were calm and centered. For me, it was just being near Bella.

I sought her out even though I knew she was right beside me. The familiar and constant voices continued to rattle around in my head. I needed to find her and not rely on my sight if I was going to have her help me. Reaching out my hand with my eyes closed, I felt the caress of her skin against the back of my hand as she took hold of it.

The voices of the many have been with me for over one hundred years. I've grown accustomed to the incessant buzzing. It's easy to filter the noise, now that I know what to filter, but I still revel in the spare time I have with Bella when we're far away from everyone else and there is nothing but her. She lessens the pounding that hammers away inside my head, but it's never truly gone.

So when the collective voices were there one minute and gone the next, it caused me to stumble from the impact of the silence. They all just...stopped.

My eyes snapped open, and I looked down at our joined hands and then up to Bella whose shocked expression must have mirrored my own.

"This is it," Jasper said.

This was what he meant by the black hole. It was just as he had described, except in my case it was a void filling the space where the voices had always existed.

It was peaceful—serenity and joy all wrapped into one. My ears rang with an impossible silence. The quiet was something I always imagined heaven was like. Years of filtering the thoughts, digesting them and compartmentalizing them...and now the effort was gone. I hadn't even realized I was smiling until Bella brought it to my attention.

"It's constant, isn't it?" she asked.

To lie would have been wrong. "Always."

"I'm sorry." There was a longing in her voice, filled with a bit of sorrow.

This was what it was like; how normal people felt. Shutting my eyes, I indulged in the tranquility. Voices were loud and clear, but they were in my ears, not my head and it wasn't a struggle to figure out where the sounds were coming from, which was thought and which was voice.

Emilia was here, and with her the army that would protect her.

The few minutes of peace the immortal child could bring was nothing compared to the joy Bella gave me.

"I can't deny it," I said. "It's wonderful and terrifying all at once. All I've known is what people are thinking. I know their truths and their lies, and now there's nothing."

"Except me," she said, holding my hand in hers.

"Except you. But I think I still know your truths, Bella."

"Always."

 _There was a light_ scattering of snow from this morning which still dusted the ground, hiding the branches and debris we had used to cover the pits. It wasn't raining, and looking out across the expanse of our chosen endgame, one couldn't help wonder if Carlisle was right. God was on our side.

The field stretched a half a mile long, all the way to the tree line where we knew they would be coming from. We weren't sure who she would send first, our only concern was our numbers. She would see how little of a threat we were and potentially she wouldn't send all of her bloodthirsty, savage newborns. Our element of surprise wouldn't work unless she sent the unpredictable ones our way. We needed all of them to charge the field and fall prey to our traps. They had to come over the ridge for Seth's plan to turn the tables.

There was movement to the right of us, to the west, almost behind us. It was unexpected and troublesome. Our reports never mentioned her army would come this way. Never once had we thought the direction would be from the ocean. Jasper held his hand up, signaling everyone to hold. Not a breath was exhaled as we waited to see who was coming. We had other contingency plans, but this meant the battle was going to be over a lot quicker than we anticipated, and most likely not in our favor.

Through the trees to the west, one lone figure emerged dressed in a dark, long cloak, similar to the one we had seen only weeks ago.

"No!" Esme gasped.

The figure dropped its hood, revealing his easily recognizable face. Felix, one of the Volturi guards was here.

"What has Aro done?" Carlisle said, his voice desperate and defeated.

More familiar faces stepped through the trees, some were at the meeting, and some were fresh faces we had never seen before, but they all had the same piercing red eyes.

Jasper was right. This _was_ it. Carlisle was wrong about _his_ God. The Volturi had teamed up with Maria. Aro had played his last piece and I could practically hear his calls on the wind. ' _Checkmate, old friend.'_

Felix began his approach with one other vampire, who remained shrouded in his cloak. Their hands were raised which I assumed was to peacefully negotiate the lives of Bella and Alice.

"My master wishes to speak with Edward," Felix said. None of us could contain our surprise. Panic was settling in when I realized I didn't have the luxury of knowing what my enemy was thinking, or what truths would be hidden by them.

"Do not be afraid." I recognized the voice, and a sigh of relief swept through me. Marcus unveiled himself to my family and me. Like before, his face gave nothing away. His arrival was unexpected, but I had a feeling it wasn't in the way we thought.

"Edward?" Carlisle asked, but I knew there was no time to explain and took a step toward the ancient vampire.

"Walk with me," Marcus said. He pointed a long, slender finger to a path along the tree line, and I followed. "So, she has come." His voice resonated through my bones and I felt the age and wisdom in it. I glanced to the ridge where we knew Maria's army to be. "We have time. My scouts tell me the rebel is regrouping."

"Why have you come, Marcus?"

"I have over a hundred vampires at my service. They are loyal to me, and to the old ways. They are mine to command."

We walked for a few more strides while I patiently waited for him to continue. It was odd being so close to such an ancient one. I felt a pull in my body toward him, like something willing me to be near him, protect him. I had never experienced it before, not with Aro, or Caius or even when the three of them were together. He stopped suddenly and looked down at me. His skin was pale, like layers of an onion, translucent but glowing with the fading light.

"It is young," he said. "It does not have the power or the experience to command me." I expected him to smile, but still there was nothing in his face.

"Emilia?"

"Do not give it a name," he said. "It will be destroyed. That is our way."

"Is that the only reason why you have come?"

"So you feel it, then?" There was slight movement in his cheek, a tic, as though he wanted to smile, but hundreds of years of sorrow had prevented him from knowing how. "You feel the bonds. You are no longer distracted by the voices in your mind. Your other senses are heightened. You feel the pull."

"The pull?"

"Your allegiances, Edward. They are changing. You are beginning to trust me." Turning from me, he resumed his steady pace.

He had me at a disadvantage. Perhaps this is why he came, why Aro sent him, to see Emilia in action and report back to him, but something was telling me this was not why he was here.

"My brothers lost their way many years ago. And now, they do not seek to restore order to the way it was. The old ways are all we have...all I have left. If we do not have that, then I have nothing." He stopped walking, and turned to the west and the setting sun. "Your family has always been a threat to Aro. You always will be. You compromise the very nature of who we are."

"Why are you here, then?"

" _Absence from those we love is self from self - a deadly banishment._ " He started walking again, slow, deliberate steps. "I do not fight for them," he nodded his head toward my family, "or your _humans_. I have lived thousands of years. Never have I met someone whom I thought could understand me. But you, Edward, I think you do. We know what it is like to wish for death, to seek it out, yet we are both still here. Real or forced, we are alive because of the bonds we share with our family." He paused, and for a brief moment I saw the torment, dark and deep, in his eyes. "My brother spoke to me of your _Isabella_. Happiness has found its way to you again." He looked off into the trees, and just when I thought I couldn't bear the solitude he was trying to seek, he spoke in a soft and broken voice.

"No, I do not fight for them, or for you, but because it is what my Didyme would have wanted."

At his words, my stomach turned and I felt his ache for the love he lost. It was unexpected to hear the poetry coming out of this ghostly vampire's mouth, but more importantly, I never would have thought I would identify with him or him with me. But he knew the anguish I went through this past decade, because he had been living with it for _thousands_ of years.

He shamed me.

"I know what Aro is," he said, "or more importantly what he has done, and make no mistake, my brothers will hunt all of us down for this betrayal. He will come for me. He will come for you and yours. But first, we must survive this night. Come, let us talk strategy with your Southern Major. I remember him as quite the adversary in his day."

Marcus was a few steps in front of me, and still I felt the pull. I wondered what it looked like, if it was the same light as I saw weeks ago surrounding my family, and why I could never feel these bonds like I did now.

"It is because of what I am, that you feel it. I am one of the first. And no, it is not the same, it never could be. But I believe we could have a mutual respect, young one. Do you not agree?"

"Yes," I answered. "I think we could."

"Felix, Santiago." Marcus beckoned two of his guards forward as we bridged the distance to where we had left the rest of the family. The two vampires who flanked me said nothing to me, nor showed any pleasantries. It was understood where their loyalties were, I just wondered what their motivation was. I trusted Marcus, but I did not trust any of the others.

When I reached Bella's side, I wrapped a protective arm around her, giving her a reassuring hug. "They're here to help," I whispered in her hair.

"Help?" She pulled back from me. "And you believe them?"

"I do," I said, smiling. "They bring a hundred vampires with them."

"Marcus," Carlisle said. "Is this true?"

"It is, friend," Marcus said, and his voice held the emotion his face did not. "My scouts tell me she has triple our numbers, but they also tell me you have been busy."

"You've been watching us?"

"We have," Felix spoke up. It was clear who was going to do the talking now. Marcus had said all he wanted to say, and it looked like he had shut down.

"We're grateful for your help, we are, but we have humans here," Carlisle said. "Fighting alongside us. We can't—"

"They will not be harmed by any of us. You have my Master's word on that," Felix said.

"And the wolves?"

There was silence, and I saw the range of disgust and horror cross both of the vampire's faces. "As long as they stay out of our way."

**-:-**

MARCUS STUCK TO HIS promise and sent a few vampires to discover the exact whereabouts of Maria's army. We knew they were here; none of us had any of our abilities which meant Emilia was nearby. Neither Garrett nor Bella knew how long Emilia could keep up her power. It had never been tested in front of them because there was never a need for it. They weren't sure if it took effort on her part or if it was just a part of who she was. We did know she could turn it off and on, but it didn't seem as though it sapped her energy like Bella's did when she over-extended herself. Regardless, we had to proceed as though we were powerless until Emilia was destroyed.

Felix, Marcus' second in command, did all the speaking for his Master, and even though some of my family, and especially the wolves, were not so quick to trust them and give away our secrets, they trusted my word. Without clear insight to their thoughts, they could have been lying to me, to us. Perhaps they were part of Maria's army, infiltrating us while Emilia's powers kept us all blinded from their motives. It was a possibility Jacob shared with me, but I had to believe in the pain and sadness I had experienced coming from Marcus only weeks ago. That was real, and now I knew why he sought me out. I knew what it meant to suffer his loss, and he mine. To carry on living when all hope was lost for only one purpose…family. But that was only part of Marcus' suffering. Thousands of years of loyalty only to discover one's bonds were forged by the one person who might have destroyed the love of your life. My heart would bleed for him if it could. The pain was unimaginable, but when I looked at him, his face remained the expressionless mask he so cleverly wore.

No, this man was not deceiving us. This was his own "crossing of the treaty-line" just as I had done months and months ago when I thought all hope was gone. I was ready to die then, just as Marcus was ready now. This battle would kill him, and if it didn't, then he would expect us to help him destroy Aro when he came after all of us for his brother's betrayal.

_The Volturi have never done anything without a price._

Carlisle's words echoed back to me. With Marcus' help we had a chance to win this battle, but the war would still wage on. Aro and Caius would not let this go unanswered.

"Edward?" Jasper's hand touched my shoulder. It startled me not hearing him as he approached from behind. I still wasn't used to all this quiet, and it left me lost in my thoughts so easily.

"It's not going to end here, is it?" he asked, and all I could do was shake my head. Jasper knew enough about war to understand when one was beginning and one was ending. "Edward, I won't let you down—"

"You mean 'we,'" Alice said joining us. " _We_ won't let you down. You can count on us, brother." She gently placed her arms around me, squeezing me tight. "I'm going to take her out for what she did to Jasper."

"I believe in you, Alice," I said, resting my chin on the top of her head. My eyes locked on to Jasper's, and he knew what I was asking without having to vocalize it. _She'll never be out of my sight._ His eyes said to me and then they went on to say, _I won't come back if she doesn't._ Maybe I didn't need my powers after all.

"Is everything worked out? Did the scouts come back?"

"Maria is regrouping beyond the second ridge," Jasper said. "She does have triple our numbers, but Garrett says she's lost close to half of her newborns along the way here. They must be fighting amongst their own ranks. Their inexperience and the smell of the blood is causing skirmishes. She's having difficulty controlling them, but as far as Marcus' scouts can tell, she has no idea the Volturi vampires are here. Which means…"

"We have the advantage."

"Exactly, dear brother!" Alice smiled and winked. For the first time in weeks, I felt the tightness in my chest let up. I returned Alice's smile, giving her one last kiss before seeking out Bella. She wasn't far—she never was—but I celebrated our reunion by picking her up and swinging her around.

"Don't get cocky," she said with a warning, after I shared what I had learned from Jasper. " _Triple_ our numbers."

"Such a pessimist. I thought that was my job?" She sighed, rolling her eyes, but when they found mine again, I saw the light dancing in them. My warrior was just as hopeful as I was.

"I guess you'll be expecting me to wear that ice rink of a ring when all this is finished." Her eyebrows were raised in jest. "For the record, your mother must have had giant hands to be able to wear this—"

I cut her off with a laugh and a kiss, and when we separated, we found we had an audience. The silence was comfortable, and it was divine not knowing what any of them were thinking, at least until I caught sight of Marcus watching us ever so closely. Clearing my throat, I smoothed my shirt, hoping for someone to intercede and tell us what was to happen next.

Carlisle took a step forward, smiling at the two of us for the briefest of moments before his expression lost all mirth. He lifted the radio, glancing up to Charlie and Seth who were listening on the other end—somewhat safely on the compound walls with the other humans. "It's been agreed, nothing changes," Carlisle said, speaking to all of us. "Felix thinks our plan is solid, so we keep to it. Like the wolves, Felix and his army _will be another element of surprise. They'll flank the field once the initial newborns come charging across. When they land in the pitfalls, Charlie's team will light them up. Jasper and Alice, all of the wolves will go with you now to take out Emilia. There's no point adding further discord between the wolves and the new vampires. Once the first wave has been eliminated, a handful of Felix's experienced fighters will help Edward and Garrett get Maria away from the others. The rest of us fight the remaining masses to give Bella the time she needs to get into position. Everything else stays as planned."_

_Maria was arrogant, and this was in our favor. She wouldn't see our group as a threat. Standing on the edge of the field, we would only look like fourteen vampires trying to protect a compound filled with humans. The wolves and Marcus' army would be out of sight and she would have no reason to suspect them of being here. We had been patrolling daily and as far as we could tell, she had never sent scouts ahead, proving just how confident she was. We wanted her to think we could be easily crushed. Bella and Garrett were certain she would send her newborns to eliminate all of us, and she would laugh while she did it. The rest of us weren't so easily convinced. The Volturi had managed to spy on us without us knowing, Maria could as well. If there was one thing Bella's journal had taught me, it was that when it came to Maria she was anything but predictable._

_Taking one last glance up to Charlie and Seth while everyone got into position, I prayed for their lives. Charlie and Bella never said their goodbyes, both of them too stubborn to say them. Instead they vowed to not give up, and I truly believed neither of them would._

_Without everyone's thoughts, I was blind to their fears and their hopes. Maybe it was a blessing for all of us. They could finally think freely without having me eavesdrop on their convictions. Going down the line, I sought out each of their faces, committing them to memory. And that was when I realized I couldn't bear to lose any of them, not even Garrett. Each of them was a part of me and it extended beyond my family. For the past few months we had developed a kinship, a_ _bond_ _, just as Marcus had described. I could feel it._

_Vampire, wolf and human fighting as one. Maria would never see it coming._

_The sound of drums began again, but this time I wasn't imagining them in my head. I felt a small vibration in the ground. We all did as the drums continued from the direction of the ridge. It took a few moments to realize they weren't drums but footsteps, marching in time. It was the sound of a large force of bloodthirsty vampires heading our way._

The first line of soldiers crested the ridge.

Not a sound was heard from our side of the field. Still and unyielding, just like chess pieces waiting for the opening move. And that's when I saw her. I recognized her from Jasper's memories. She was shorter than I thought she would be, but wasn't that always the way? That one tiny woman was the cause of all this strife.

Maria was standing in front of her army, a few feet ahead of them and all alone. The wind was wickedly violent up on the ridge and was whipping her brown hair out all around her. Dressed in simple grey pants and a grey T-shirt, she looked more like a primary school teacher than the hellcat we knew her to be. She held enough malice to make up for a thousand vampires, and you could see it in the army she commanded.

She began her march down the ridge, and her horde followed in step. These must have been her loyal soldiers, for they didn't act like newborns. They stayed in formation, and stayed two lengths behind her maintaining her appearance of power over them. How could one woman command so many and instill so much fear?

Hundreds of vampires were coming toward us, but there was no sign of the immortal child amongst them.

"Phoenix!" came Maria's voice on the wind when she reached the edge of the field.

Bella took a step forward, and I joined her. It wasn't hard to mistake Maria's smile when her eyes landed on her prize.

"Let's end this! Come with me and I will spare them."

"I know your truths and your lies, Maria! Time apart from you hasn't changed that."

Maria shrugged and laughed. "Bring my Jasper with you and _then_ I'll let them go. Someone will have to pay for your insubordination. You've dragged us all across this miserable country, killing and slaughtering along the way. There is penance to be done, and Emilia will be all too happy to deliver it."

My eyes cut to Alice, but she was just as stoic as Bella.

"Where is she?" Bella yelled. "She's here, where have you hidden her?"

"Oh, Phoenix, do you really think I'm that stupid? She's safe, and now you're powerless. You all are. You think you can stand up to me? To my cavalry? You know what they can do. Stop this nonsense before I destroy them all, and take those humans you're protecting. I won't be so kind to this settlement. Emilia could use a few new playmates her age."

The conversation would have appeared one sided to the humans behind us. They couldn't hear Maria with the wind blowing; they would only hear Bella's responses. Charlie would only hear and see his daughter, this fierce woman, my warrior queen, playing the diplomat to the legion across the way. I didn't need to hear his thoughts to imagine his pride, for I felt it too. Where Maria was dressed in grey, once again, Bella wore red. With her hair pulled back, hanging down the length of her spine, she stood with her feet shoulder width apart with her arms at her sides. So focused on her role to play, I wasn't even sure Bella knew I was beside her. _This_ was the 'Phoenix' Maria had coveted.

"Maria, give us the immortal children, and we may let some of you leave with your lives."

Maria's wicked laugh carried across the field. "Phoenix, I know _your_ truths and lies, too. You seem to forget...I _always_ win when it comes to you."

"This is your last chance, Maria! Surrender the—"

"No! This is _your_ last chance before I let my _Ravagers_ come and ravage all of you. They smell the bloodbehind those walls. They're hungry for it." She raised an arm, signaling the vampires to create a path behind her. Like waves parting in the sea, they moved in one fluid motion. She laughed one last time, throwing her head back to the sky. It was a deafening sound which caused the rest of her vampires to join her and essentially create their own battle cry, one that travelled down the spinal column solidifying the growing fear she instilled there.

This was it.

_God, if you are there as Carlisle believes you are—as I believe you are— please guide us to victory._

Over the ridge they came, screaming and running like the newborns they were. Over a hundred new vampires she had kept from our sight. She sent them all, and she was laughing just as Bella and Garrett predicted. They were not the conditioned army that stood with her at the bottom of the ridge. These were the savages Maria had bred to crave gore and bloodshed, who would massacre everyone behind the compound walls. She had been busy. And although we shifted uneasily on our feet, surprised by the terror they conveyed, we held our ground and waited for them to come to us.

As they ran, we held.

With our hearts in our throats, we saw the humans ignite the arrows.

The newborns followed the trail of blood laid out earlier by Eric and Tyler and the others. Most of it was deer, but Charlie and Seth insisted it be mixed with human blood. Where they got it, we never asked, but it did what it was intended. The newborns headed straight to the pits Emmett and I had dug out and covered over. The pits that were filled with oil Tanya and her family had provided, which would be lit on fire with the arrows covered in tar the wolves had made from burning pine resin deposits from the trees. Every one of us had played our part in this plan, and every one of us was essential to making it work.

'Steady hands, steady hearts,' is what Eleazar had told the archers when the time would come for them to raise their arrows. Lifting his arm, he pointed Charlie's handgun straight above his head and we could hear the humans reciting the mantra. They took aim, and an impressive line of flames could be seen across the wall.

The first of the newborns hit the intended mark. The snap of branches was heard, followed by the sound of a single gunshot. The flames went through the air lighting up the darkening sky, and then disappeared into the holes along with the rest of the newborns as more of the branches gave way. For just a split second only the echoes on the wind were heard as the arrows sailed after the vampires had fallen. It was closely followed by a _whoomp_ when the flames took light across the oily surface.

Screams erupted and then more screams as the oil stuck to their skin and burned.

And still we waited.

A rushing _boom_ came next, and the sky lit up with an explosion of orange and yellow as oil and flame became one.

We waited. And watched.

None of us knew how Maria would react to the attack and decimation of her cavalry. Almost a hundred went into the pits and only a few had come out. They crawled up the sides, engulfed in flame from head to toe, hitting the ground to try to douse their burning skin. They would live and heal, but their loyalty would be tested. Our hope was that most would flee in panic.

The field was swallowed up in dense black smoke, mixed with a deep purple that choked the sky. We could hear the moans and ear-piercing screams from some of the survivors as they tried to crawl to safety. There was an acrid stench, like thick incense, permeating the air from the burning hair and venom, making it uncomfortable to breathe. We didn't have to inhale, but the humans were not so fortunate. The smell was too strong; enough to make some of them wretch.

The plan had worked far better than we anticipated. We had decimated Maria's precious cavalry.

" _PHOENIX!"_

That one single name was all that was heard through the smoke. With it carried the threat of annihilation. We had unleashed the she-devil.

"You think I didn't know about your humans!" she yelled. "Nothing gets past me. _Nothing_! I warned you, and now...THEY WILL ALL PAY!"

Eleazar raised his arm again with his finger resting on the trigger of the gun. Safely behind the walls of the compound, we knew the trebuchets were being loaded. Maria had a second wave, so did we.

Eleazar fired. The creak of the wood from the recoil of the arm was heard as the counterweight came swinging down, launching the bags of burning tar. They sailed across the sky heading straight for Maria's camp. The air was too thick with smoke to see, but we knew where she was. As we watched, we heard a _whoosh_ followed by a low whistle from their side. Something was coming toward us. My stomach turned as soon as I realized what it was.

"Get down!" But it was too late to warn them.

The side of the compound exploded, raining concrete and metal all around us.

"What the—" Emmett shouted. "How the hell did they get their hands on an RP—"

"Incoming!" Jasper yelled. It missed its intended mark this time, having gone wider than the last one, but it still managed to take out more of the wall. There was no mistaking the damage done with those two shots. We could already smell the blood from the loss of human life.

Maria had her own wildcards. Panic ran rife while we watched in horror, wondering who had been hit and whether or not there would be more.

"We're okay," Charlie's voice came over the radio. Bella gasped, letting out a quiet sob. She held her hands to her mouth, trying to maintain what little control she had. "Six dead," he said, "more wounded. But we're here."

We waited for a few more breaths. Perhaps all she had were those two shots, but we couldn't wait here any longer to find out. The humans couldn't help us anymore and Maria knew this. Her army charged, yelling their cries as they ran across the field. The time for flame was over. It was our turn now.

"Go kick some ass," Charlie said.

"Nicely put, Chief," Emmett said, and took off running toward the army and everyone followed. Jasper and Alice went to the trees toward the eastern side of the ridge to join the wolves who were waiting for their turn. Emilia had to be on the other side of that ridge somewhere, and we had to trust they would find her.

Even with the eighty or so newborns gone, we were still greatly out-numbered. We needed Bella.

She was paler than I thought possible. Standing motionless, staring at the mess of concrete and wood where her father had been standing only a few feet away. I watched her expression go from a frightened, fragile girl to a woman with a daring resolve who was looking to seek retribution. With the fire behind her—gold, yellow and red burning on the battlefield—it was as though her plumage was back. I was reminded of the cabin in Montana. The first time I laid eyes on this truly beautiful and mythical creature who was about to take flight.

Reaching out to touch her one last time, I grabbed her arm to stop her.

"Wait," I said, taking hold of her face in my hands. " _Live_ ," I breathed out, as my heart broke in two one last time.

"For a thousand years more," she said, and for the briefest of moments Bella's vulnerability shone through her eyes giving me the courage I needed.

**-:-**

I KNEW EXACTLY WHERE Bella was heading, and this wasn't part of the plan. She was going after Maria, and no amount of pleading would deter her. Maria was hers. I saw it written all over her face.

"Change of plans!" I yelled to Garrett.

"I can see that," he said as we chased after her. "Nix!"

She wouldn't listen to either one of us. When the smoke cleared, and Maria was gone, Bella charged ahead with no regard for anything but finding the woman responsible for all of her sorrows for the last ten years. This wasn't the plan, but then none of this was. It was too soon for the hand to hand combat. We had needed to take out more of her soldiers—make them question their loyalty to Maria—but when they attacked the humans that part of the plan came to an abrupt end. We had to take Charlie and the compound out of the equation, and fall prey to Maria's plans instead. We could only hope the help from Marcus' vampires would be enough.

As we skirted the battle, following where Jasper and Alice had gone, we could see the fires still burning below, glowing in the dusk. Screams were heard as more vampires were caught in the traps. We had the advantage of knowing where they were, and Esme and Rosalie carried torches, igniting the oil as they ran. Over a hundred vampires surrounded our people, and Felix had yet to appear. It was all going south far too quickly. There were too many of them.

I heard Garrett's breath catch as we ran, and followed his gaze. Kate was surrounded by four vampires. She was holding her own but she was tiring.

" _Go!"_ I said to him. "Go! We'll be all right." He was gone before I finished speaking.

Bella and I ran for a while, through the trees, along the ridge, but there was no sign of Jasper, Alice or the wolves. I had to have faith they were alive and following through with what they needed to do. It was clear Maria had other vampires with special talents we never knew about. She had known about our plans. Unpredictable wasn't what I'd call her. Calculating was more like it.

"I smell her."

I wanted to tell Bella this was a foolish plan. We needed to stop and think about what we were doing, not blindly run after a woman who was always steps ahead of us. But Bella was past rational thought. Maria was sure to be surrounded with her own army of vampires to protect her. The two of us wouldn't stand a chance against her. We needed to wait for Felix's help. Despite knowing this, I still followed Bella, even if it was to our deaths.

As we came up over the last ridge overlooking the field below us, we saw just how many vampires Maria had with her. She was waiting for us in a large clearing on a rock outcrop. Flanked by at least a dozen guards, she laughed when she saw us coming through the brush.

"I knew you'd come," she said. "But I never thought you were stupid, Phoenix. Only two of you?"

"That's all we need," Bella spat back. "Where's Emilia?"

"You truly are foolish if you think I'd bring my _child_ anywhere near you."

"She's here."

"Of course she is. I couldn't have you at your best, now could I?" Maria's eyes glanced to me, and then back to Bella. "You know I'll rip their heads off." Her lips peeled back as she circled around us and her guards spread out leaving us no room for escape. "Every last one of them...starting with him." She pointed at me and Bella growled. I steadied her with my hand. Maria was taunting Bella, hoping she would make a mistake. In a fight, without Bella's powers, Maria was sure to win. She hadn't survived this long through so many wars not to know what she was doing. Maria was older and stronger even than I was.

"He's the one, isn't he, Phoenix? The one you pined for...the one you _loved_." She threw her head back and laughed while she continued to circle. We were outnumbered and she could easily have taken us, but she wanted Bella alive. "Can he fight?"

Maria winked at me and I saw her hand signal. The man to her right sprang at me, his teeth bright and sharp. I spun, kicking out, aiming low to hit him in the stomach. He flew back, falling, but he was on his feet ready to charge again. Maria held up her hand to stop him.

"What, no help for your lover, Phoenix?"

"He can take care of himself," Bella said through gritted teeth. She reached for my hand and held tight, letting me know she was keen to what Maria was doing.

"I can see that. And does he have any...special talents?"

"Many. But none that I'm willing to share with you," Bella said, and despite my better judgment, I laughed.

"I'm going to enjoy breaking him in."

"I'm going to enjoy breaking your face."

"Phoenix, let's be reasonable. You're outnumbered. Come willingly and accept that you're mine and I'll let you keep him." Maria looked directly into my eyes. "You're one of Jasper's, aren't you? One of the _Cullens_. Pitiful creatures. All of you...sparing these humans!" She licked her lips and looked to the field below. "Smell the blood? Doesn't it sing to you? Come with me. I'll show you things, and I'm not talking about the blood."

Bella's hand tensed under mine. From the corner of my eye I saw her neck muscles flinch and before I could stop her, Bella went for Maria. She got past Maria's guard and slammed her fist into the woman's face. The sound of their flesh colliding seemed delayed, for Maria was on the ground by the time it had reached my ears. Three of her guards were on Bella, but she was waiting for it and fought back, flipping over them and driving her foot into one of their backs. She truly was magnificent to watch. She anticipated their moves and was one step ahead of them. Kicking and punching, lashing out at them until each one of them had taken a beating.

I saw the blow coming from my left and countered just in to time by driving my body downward. The vampire stumbled over his feet, giving me access to his neck. I snapped it clear off his head, like a branch from a tree.

Another, a woman this time, landed on my back and sunk her teeth into my shoulder. I bit back a scream, the sting of the venom was excruciating, but I had no intention of letting this one take a piece of my flesh. I reached up behind me, and grabbed her throat in my fist and squeezed. Her teeth let go, and her fingernails raked across my cheek, coming dangerously close to my eye. She wasn't a seasoned fighter, that was evident, and as I held her throat, I twisted my body and threw her to the ground. It was a matter of seconds before her head was detached from her body.

I glanced to Bella, who seemed to be holding her own, having taken two down and working on another. I fought my way toward her, knowing we would be stronger at each other's back. I didn't see the vampire coming from the left, almost as though he flew up from out of nowhere. He tackled me to the ground, and his knees were on my chest while his teeth were snapping at my throat. I desperately tried to hold him above me. He was strong, as strong as Emmett, and I was going to lose this fight if I didn't do something soon. Slipping my hand to his chin, I pushed with everything I had, but we were in a deadlock. I swung my right arm outside of his left, putting it over my other hand and pushed both palms upward. His arm straightened ever so slightly, giving me the leverage I needed, and I thrust my hips to the side, rolling him off of me. I had him pinned and just had to deliver the final blow.

"I wouldn't do that!" Maria's voice was loud, causing me to turn my head. Distracted, I caught the brunt of the vampire's foot on my shoulder and it propelled me forward in the air a few feet. Righting myself, I landed in front of Maria who was rubbing her jaw. Her eyes were black and hard. She glanced to my left and I followed her gaze. Bella was being held by two vampires and another was behind her, holding her head between his hands. My heart dropped and I stumbled from the shock of seeing her life dangling so precariously. Anger surged, raging inside of me. With a mad, undulating growl I lunged for Maria.

"Ah-ah," Maria said raising her hand up. "She's dead. One more move and I'll have them snap her head clean off her body."

"You want her alive."

"True. Of course her legs are of no use to me...or her arms. So you'll cooperate."

"Edward, don't," Bella pleaded.

" _Edward!"_ she said, mocking my name."How rich. Between you and Jasper, my days and nights will be quite busy."

"I did enjoy it," Bella said, interrupting her.

Maria turned to her. "What did you enjoy, exactly?"

"Breaking your face."

I had to stifle another laugh. This was a side of Bella I could get used to.

"Don't worry, you'll pay for it," Maria said. "You know how this works. I _always_ win."

Footsteps were heard coming up the ridge. I only needed guess to know who it was, and from the look on Bella's face, she did too. Garrett pushed through the brush and came to a halt once he saw what was happening. Two of Maria's guards, immediately grabbed his arms.

"Nix, having some troubles?" he asked. He was smiling but I saw the terror in his eyes. The vampire still held Bella's head in his hands, ready to twist if Maria gave the word.

"Just the usual. Pissing off Maria."

"You do love doing that." Garrett looked at the four dead vampires on the ground. He nodded his head toward me. "Nice work."

"Well, well, well. Isn't this quaint?" Maria signaled to another three vampires behind her. They moved to my side and held me just as the other three held Bella. "Release her," she said. "A little déjà vu for you, Phoenix? Only this time the stakes are much, much higher."

"You think you've won?" Bella asked, spitting at Maria's feet. "We're just stalling for time."

"Then let's pass the time with a little game. Shall we?" She motioned Garrett and me forward and the vampires shoved us closer to her, until we were only a few feet in front of her. "Come, Phoenix, let us play 'Whom do you _love_?' For every wrong answer, you'll have to choose which one we remove an appendage from."

Bella's face was fervent. All three of us knew it was only a matter of time before Alice and Jasper broke through the lines with the wolves and found Emilia. We just had to survive until that happened. Maria was smart, playing off our weaknesses. Neither Garrett nor I would let Bella be hurt, and she knew it. By putting the choices in Bella's hand, it was just one more form of torture she was inflicting upon her. Three vampires held each of us. Either one of us might have broken free, but we could never reach Bella in time before the vampires standing with her ended her life. We had rushed into this without a plan. We hadn't anticipated such a strong force to be protecting Maria, which meant Emilia would have even more with her. And if Alice and Jasper failed, it wouldn't matter how many appendages were ripped from our bodies, we would be dead before the night was through.

"I'm not playing your game," Bella said. "You can have me. I'll go with you, just let them go."

Maria laughed. "Oh, I'll be taking you, but I'll not be leaving these two unscathed so they can hunt us down. No, Phoenix, you'll play, or they both die." She tapped her fingers against her chin. There was a rustling in the bushes to the left of us. All heads turned to watch a tiny, dark-skinned vampire step through the trees. He grinned, a wide and toothy grin, waving a hand to all of us as though we were friends. I recognized him from Jasper and Garrett's memories. This was Isaac.

"Where have you been?" Maria snapped. "I told you to stay with me."

"Sorry, Missus, bin lost in da treez." He smiled again, seemingly unaffected by Maria's hostility. "Mizzus." He nodded at Bella. "Em 'appee to see you."

"It's good to see you, too, Isaac." Bella smiled back.

"Gee," Isaac acknowledged Garrett, dragging the sound of his letter out.

"You've come just in time," Maria said. "Why don't you show this new one what you can do?"

"Me no work wid'a lil' wun."

"Yes, she is rather inconvenient at times, isn't she?" Maria had a far off distant look in her eyes, and if I had my gift back, I'd probably confirm she regretted Emilia at times. "Fine. We'll do it my way. Time for round one," she said. "What will it be? World Politics, American History, Current Affairs?"

"Current affairs? You're about to get your ass kicked by a bunch of humans," Bella said.

"Wrong!" Maria touched the woman beside her. She was almost as tall as I was, and she looked like she used to be a professional athlete in her old life. With her gleaming red eyes zeroing in on me, she sauntered her way over, swinging her hips back and forth until she was inches away in front of me. I struggled in my captors arms, and it took all three of them to take me down.

"Not a move, Phoenix, or off goes his pretty little head with his pretty little hair."

"Don't do this!" I heard Bella scream, but it was drowned out by the pain coming from my left hand. The woman wrestler had bit off my ring finger.

"Stop!" Bella pleaded. "I'll do whatever you want, just stop."

"That's in case you have any ideas like your friend Jasper and his _wife_. Where you're going, you won't need that finger," Maria said. Garrett was next, and she had the woman do the same to him. He didn't struggle, though, knowing it was futile. There was only a burning hatred in his eyes and they never left her face.

"Nix, I know you want to kill her, but please, let me. Give me that gift, at least."

"She's yours," Bella said, clenching her fists. She was testing to see if her powers were back, and as soon as they were, we were all going to be in trouble.

"This is the lightening round," Maria interrupted. "How fast do you think you can answer? Or maybe we should just skip ahead to the showcase round. I'm bored of your empty threats." She folded her arms, and took a turn around the clearing, eyeing each of us. "The final question, it's not really a question per se, but a _Would You Rather_." Stopping in front of me, she bent down to come face-to-face with me, but my eyes were still on Bella. Grabbing my hair, she twisted my head to force me to look at her. "This is what I meant, Garrett. When I said she was never yours...well, you were never hers. But this one..." She shoved my head. "Yes, this one. He is. Isn't that so?" Her laugh echoed through the mountains. "This couldn't have worked out better for me."

"Let's end this, Maria," Bella said. "Me for them. It's what you want. I won't fight you anymore. I won't try to escape. You have my word."

"Oh, honey, you're in no position to make demands. I _will_ be taking you, but it's just the matter of whom 'would you rather' come with you. You do understand I'll need my leverage over you, now more than ever. And three's a crowd last time I checked. You can't have them both. A girl can't be greedy in this apocalyptic world. As my final showcase, you'll choose: vampire number one," she pointed to Garrett, and then to me, "or vampire number two."

"I can't, and you know it."

"You will," she shrugged, "or they both die. It's simple." She looked at her guards holding the both of us in death grips and laughed. "I always seem to be in this predicament with you. Now why is that? Why do you always vex me so? You would think you would have learned by now. I _always_ get my way."

Bella took a step toward Maria. "Unh-ah." Maria wagged a finger. "Are you so willing to lose both? Very well."

"No!" Bella stopped with her hands in the air.

"I'll give you a minute to decide. I can't imagine it's an easy decision. I can sympathize with that. I'm not a heartless monster." She giggled. "Oh, wait, I am." She held up her hands as though she was weighing the options. Garrett and I both struggled against our captors, but it was useless, six hands on both of us; we couldn't move.

"Now, boys, don't make them rip your arms off. It will be difficult to fight in my pits without any arms."

Bella looked defeated. She stood in front of us, her arms hanging at her sides. The screams from the fighting below carried over the clearing. We had no idea if Felix and the rest of guard had joined the battle, we could only hope they had.

Bella was losing faith in Jasper and Alice; it was written all over her face. Her hope was lost, but I wanted to tell her mine wasn't. They would come through. I had every confidence they would not fail, it just might not come in time for us. The one for the many, I thought. This wasn't a choice I'd force Bella to make. She wouldn't cast a death sentence on either of us. It would kill her to have to choose.

I opened my mouth to speak, to tell her I loved her, that these past few months were more than I could have hoped for. I wanted to tell her not to make the decision, that I would make it for her. I opened my mouth to tell her everything—

"Nix," Garrett croaked. "Bella." He used her name for the first time. "You know what the right decision is."

"No," I said and cursed the man. "It has to be me."

"Don't listen to him, Bella," Garrett said. "I'm the one who made you. I'm the one responsible for you, not him. Your life has always been destined for so much more than me." His eyes shifted to me, and my instincts told me to look away. I didn't want to look him in the eyes, but I couldn't do that to him. Instead I stared with an unwavering resolve. He would know how much this was costing us all.

"Oh, how sweet. Both of your lovers offering themselves up. What is it about you?" Maria had her vampires bring us forward, while she had Isaac light a fire. "So, it's this one, then?" Pointing a finger at me, she asked, "He's the one you want to save?" She ran her finger down the side of my cheek. "I really am going to enjoy you."

"Never." Bella's jaw was clenched tight and there was a fire in her eyes. "You'll _never_ touch him."

Looking at her, I willed her to understand. We needed to stall. It's all we had to do. Jasper would come though. I believed it to the depths of my soul. He would not let us down.

"Maria!" she said. "You do this and I'll never help you. You think you can control me with your threats, but it doesn't work that way. You will _not_ do this!"

Ignoring Bella, Maria walked over to Garrett. "Such a pity. We had become so close, hadn't we? I never understood why you protected her so much. She's weak, Garrett. I could have given you everything, but you couldn't see that. She clouded you, turned you against your very nature. Look at you!" She grabbed his cheeks, poking at his eyes with her fingers. Over the past few months, both Bella and Garrett's eyes had started to fade from the deep red to light, orange amber. "You're pathetic. You don't deserve to live!"

The panic was starting to rise. It felt like bile in my throat, and it didn't help when I saw the pain etched across Bella's face. This was going to destroy her. She would never come back from this. I fought with everything I had to break free from the arms holding me, but they were steel vises, and no matter how much I struggled nothing was giving way.

Maria placed her hands on either side of Garrett's head.

"Time to say goodbye, Phoenix."

A wave came crashing into me, slamming up inside my head all at once. The pressure of it was too much and I buckled, screaming as the pain and agony rattled between my temples. It was like sharp needles jabbing at my eyes from the inside out and the intensity caused a blinding white light. The guards dropped their hold on me, startled by my outburst. Grabbing hold of my head, I tried to control it, but it was one wave after another, pounding, screaming until it felt the world had exploded inside my head. I hadn't felt this kind of invasion since I first woke in this second life, only this time it was much worse. It had been comforting and peaceful not having the constant onslaught of thoughts invading my head. I had grown accustomed to the black and the silence. I'd let my guard down, and now it had all come back in a violent surge, hammering the cells of my brain.

It could mean only one thing. Alice and Jasper had done it. Emilia was destroyed.

Bella could feel it too. A slow smile spread across her face as she stared down Maria.

"My name is _Bella_."

With a quick snap of her wrists, Maria twisted and then took off running.

"NO!" Bella screamed, running to Garrett's side.

"Bella," I managed to say. But she didn't hear me over her sobs and mutterings as she lay next to Garrett. My eyes couldn't focus, and I was paralyzed until I could learn to filter the voices again, and focus on the ones that were important. In my head I was there, fighting every one of their fights. I felt all of their pain, and suffered through all of their horrors. Hundreds of them all frightened, enraged and filled with anguish and anger.

Searching for Bella, my eyes slowly came into focus. She was my center, and I could hear her grief even if I couldn't see her. She needed me, and we needed her.

"He'll live." I got to my knees, crawling to be next to her. She wasn't listening to me. "He'll live!" I said, grabbing hold of her arms and shaking her. "We have to go. They need you down there." The voices had nestled their way to the back of my skull, and the images of what was happening below were devastating to see. "He'll be okay, but they won't." I pointed past the ridge.

"She's getting away."

"Let her. We have to go."

"She's getting away!" Bella pressed. "I have to go after her." She broke free from my arms. I tried to rise as well, but there was too much jarring.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I can't let her get away."

"Bella!" I yelled after her, but she was gone, leaving me with a hundred others inside my head and Garrett to watch over. He was healing, and his thoughts were few and far between but he was coming back to us.

Finally managing to stand, I had to go after her and make her listen. They were all going to die if she carried out her vengeance. I had to make her see that.

I had to ground out all the noise in my head. Turn the voices off, but there was one voice which came shining through loud and clear. It was one voice I couldn't ignore.

"BELLA!" I raged with everything I could muster.

**-:-**

I COULD HEAR SETH'S cries in my head as he tried to dig Charlie out. The side of the compound where they had been trying to reinforce the wall had come crumbling down again, and he lay buried at the bottom of the rubble with two tons of stone and timber on top of him. Charlie was alive, just barely, I heard him, but Seth had no way of knowing.

There was a large stone lying across Charlie's chest preventing him from calling out. Seth was on top of the debris, working in a cold, controlled fury removing piece by piece, his fingers raw from the shards of rock and splinters of wood. I could see him across the field, and my heart sunk. I didn't know how long he had been at it, but from the looks of him, it had been a while for his energy was starting to give out. The rocks were too big for him to move. He was struggling to remain upright while he tried to get some leverage from a piece of timber.

Having seen where I was headed, Eleazar caught up with me, and his thoughts were just as grave as mine as he pieced together what was happening.

Seconds passed which seemed like hours, but we were finally at Seth's side.

"Seth," I said softly, touching his arm. He was in shock. He looked at me with a ghostly expression. Everything had drained from him.

"Charlie." His voice was hoarse as he croaked out his name, pointing below. He bent down to try and pick up another rock, but he fell to his knees tumbling down the side.

"Hijos míos, let us work," Eleazar said, helping him to his feet.

"No!" he screamed. Tears were falling down his cheeks, and his hands were dripping blood from trying to move the rocks. He shrugged off Eleazar's arm. "It's my fault." His thoughts were on the verge of hysterics. "He pushed me out of the way. It was my fault...it should be me!"

Charlie and Seth had been working to get the injured to Leah, while the others had been barricading the fallen pieces of the foundation. It was futile, but Charlie knew they needed something to do while the world fell apart around them. He didn't want them panicking so he gave them a task to keep them busy. The wall was unstable, but it didn't stop Seth from climbing up it to get a better view of the battle. As he began his climb down, the wall started to give way. Charlie leaped, pushing his son to safety.

"It's my fault!" Seth sobbed.

I grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him a little bit. "We'll get him," I said, gently moving him off to the side and sitting him down. He was choking back more tears, and only nodded. He was numb to everyone and everything around him.

Eleazar and I began the task of removing the pieces one by one. We moved steadily and swiftly, making sure not to cause any shift in the rocks. I knew he was at the bottom, and I knew that what we would find was not going to be pretty.

Charlie could not survive this.

 _Dios mío! He will not make it,_ Eleazar said silently to me and then added, _Is there enough life in him to bring him to the light?_

I refused to answer Eleazar's question. The thought of losing Charlie was unbearable, but to turn him...that was a decision I was not prepared to make.

Rock by rock, timber by timber, we moved the wreckage until we could see his blue, plaid shirt and could smell the blood that was covering it.

 _Edward,_ Carlisle said silently from the other side of the field. He was on his way, having just seen what we had been doing. I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing Carlisle could make the decision that I wasn't ready to make.

"Charlie," I called out, even though I knew he couldn't answer. I had enough medicine to know we couldn't remove the last rock pressing down on his chest. I needed Carlisle to assess the damage. Charlie was broken and bloodied, but he was conscious.

_Edward...I can't get any air to my lungs._

"I know. Carlisle's on his way."

_Some fight, huh? How'd we make out?_

"We got Emilia. She's dead, and Bella is doing her thing." At least I hoped she was. It would all be for nothing if she wasn't.

Carlisle arrived at my side assessing the scene. His face was as somber as I felt.

 _We can't move that rock._ I nodded. _He'll bleed out._ I nodded again.

If we moved the rock Charlie would die, there was no question about that. He was being kept alive from the pressure of it restricting his blood flow.

 _What do you want to do, Edward?_ Carlisle said, waiting for me to make a decision. Turning, I took a quick glance behind us. Bella was nowhere to be seen. The fighting continued all around us. They needed our help. I let out a frustrated yell and clenched my fists to my eyes. Charlie couldn't die...

 _He will make a fine vampire,_ Eleazar said silently, touching my shoulder. _He's a remarkable human and will have a remarkable gift._

He didn't deserve to be stuck with this life.

 _Edward,_ I heard Charlie. _I know what's going through that head of yours. And I'm going to make it easy for you._ I moved over to him so he could see my face. I gently placed my hand on the slab of rock resting on his chest. _I don't want it._ He paused and then continued. _I've not judged you and what you are. It's not what defines you. You're a good man. But that life's not for me. You have to let me go._

"Charlie…"

_You have to, because I don't want it. Can you promise me they'll all survive? I suffered through the loss of my daughter once. I won't go through that again. I can't watch all of them go before me. This is how it's supposed to be._

Bella. She was going to lose her father. She needed to be here, she needed to make this decision.

"You have to save him!" Seth had stood up, pleading with me. "Turn him." His eyes were wild, looking for an answer in my eyes.

 _Don't listen to him. This is what I want. Lift the rock,_ Charlie said.

I shook my head violently.

"What's he saying?" Seth grabbed hold of my shoulder pushing me out of the way. "Charlie, please, don't do this," he begged. "Let them…please. Stay with _me_."

_Edward, lift the rock._

"I can't do that," I cried.

 _Yes, you can. You have to do it before Bella gets here. I won't be as strong if she's here. You know this is the right decision._ He tried to cough, but couldn't, only blood spilled from his lips.

"Son," Carlisle said to Seth, "he's in pain."

"Then turn him! Save him!"

Charlie's eyes pleaded with me. _This is the right thing to do. No one was to be turned to be saved. Not even me. You promised me._

"What's he saying?" Seth's panicked voice reverberated through my spine. He was sobbing, and wasn't listening to reason.

I turned to Carlisle and Eleazar. "He wants us to lift the rock."

"Charlie," Carlisle whispered. "My friend, it doesn't have to be that way. Are you sure?"

"No!" Seth yelled. He tried to shove me, and took a swing at me. I let him hit me, knowing the physical pain as his fist connected with my face would help lessen the pain in his heart.

"Seth," Carlisle said softly, "it's what he wants. We won't turn him if he doesn't want to be turned. It's his decision. This life is not for everyone and I won't force it on anyone…especially not my friend."

"Please, Charlie," he said, imploring one last attempt and Charlie smiled sadly in return, closing his eyes.

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry." Seth gulped trying to get air in his lungs.

_Tell Seth they saved me. Leah, Sue, they made me a part of their family when I thought I had none. Tell Seth I love him as my own flesh and blood. And Bella…my life was complete when I laid eyes on her again. That was all I ever wanted was to see her once more. She'll think I gave up, but you tell her I never did. And that's the truth. I would do it all again for her._

_Edward, you marry her and make it right._ He tried to smile. _I, too, have done my penance…now it's my time. You have to let me go. They need you out there, so get this over with._

Eleazar was whispering as Carlisle moved to the other side of the boulder. "Aunque ande en valle de sombra de muerte, no temeré mal _alguno_ ; porque tú _estarás_ conmigo; tu vara y tu cayado me confortarán…"

It was only a matter of seconds after we lifted the rock, when the light in Charlie's eyes left him, and then he left this world for good.


	38. Let Not the Sun Go Down On Your Wrath

**CHAPTER 37**

**-:- Let Not the Sun Go Down On Your Wrath-:-**

* * *

I LEFT CARLISLE WITH a heavy heart, trusting he would bring Charlie safely back to Leah and Sue—back to his home. When Carlisle asked me where Bella was, the look on his face shattered me. There was disappointment mixed with terror as his gaze scanned the horizon watching everything that was happening all around us. He panned over to me, and with a quick examination his eyes landed on my left hand.

"I'm all right," I assured him. "It's nothing." He was unscathed, it seemed, but his worry over everyone else was first and foremost in his mind.

"Edward—"

"The others?"

"Fine when I left them. Esme was..." He turned his head back to the fighting. "She was with Rose and Emmett." From his thoughts, I could see she had taken a few knocks he wished he could have protected her from, but she was unharmed when he left her.

Felix had brought his fighters, and they were just as formidable as the family, but Maria's numbers still outweighed ours. We were losing, and we both knew it. With the death of Charlie, this battle was beginning to sacrifice much more than we had prepared ourselves for. Bella was supposed to be here, ending this and protecting us from these meaningless deaths.

"Go," Carlisle said to me. _"Find her!"_

Those two words were the only thing I heard as I ran up the ridge toward Bella. Soon the mantra was overpowered with thoughts of Charlie and the rhythm changed to a combination of the only thing I could cling to. _Charlie—Dead—Find her—Charlie—Dead—Find her._ If I thought of anything else, I'd be overwrought with a fusion of sorrow and anger.

Carlisle's last words felt like blame, even though I knew they weren't. I should have been able to stop Bella and her need for vengeance. Without having to voice it, I felt his frustration with the both of us. It's what drove me forward, knowing it wasn't Bella I was seeking anymore, but her own demons that demanded this reckoning at the cost of everything in our lives. This wasn't Bella, and I wanted to prove to Carlisle that she was better than all of us.

It should have ended with Emilia's death. This should have ended with Bella.

As I ran up the ridge, I felt the all too familiar guilt settling in while I tried to ignore the screams coming from below. A desperate cry from Rosalie crossed through my mind, and I hesitated but only for a moment. Somewhere down in that smoke, Emmett was losing a battle. Surrounded by more adversaries than he could handle, I had to hope the others would save him. I pushed the thoughts of the rest of my family out of my head. I didn't know if they were alive, but I couldn't afford to look, because there was nothing I could do to help them. There was only one option to save us all and me running back down to the field was not it.

The one for the many.

 _Protect my brother._ I said a prayer and pressed on.

 _Edward_ , Jacob's voice found me. It startled me when I heard it, I hadn't been expecting him to search me out, but I was pleased to hear him. The wolves were on their way back to join the fight. I breathed a short-lived sigh of relief when, through Jacob's eyes, I saw Jasper and Alice running with them unharmed. They were alive. Charlie was dead and none of them knew. They were not without loss of their own. Jacob's thoughts overflowed with grief. They echoed mine, but luckily he had no way of knowing that. To add Charlie's death to their grief would be a burden none of us could afford at this moment. If Jacob knew, all of the wolves would know and we needed them to not be weighed down by his death.

The wolves had found Emilia at the mouth of a cave, hidden in the hills. Protected by at least four dozen vampires—Maria had taken no chances—but she never fathomed the trepidation the wolves would stir up. When some of her vampires laid eyes on the fearsome pack standing alongside Alice and Jasper, their fear took over and their instinct for survival won out. Many ran, abandoning the bloodthirsty children to their own fate. The vampires who remained put up a worthy fight, but apart from a few, they were no match for seasoned wolves like Jacob and Paul.

Just as Jasper had predicted, it was sheer force and brute strength that got to Emilia. Jasper and Alice were a team to be reckoned with. Both with a one track mind to get their task over with as quickly as they could. It was like watching a well-choreographed routine as they worked their way closer to the immortal children. With the wolves clearing a path of destruction, they danced and tumbled until Jasper came face-to-face with the one he called Flora, Emilia's ward. She never raised her head, and never put up a fight. Letting go of Emilia's hand, she bent to her knees, and waited for Jasper to deliver her final punishment.

And then it was Alice left with Emilia.

It was swift and methodical. Not wasting any time, or relishing in her task, Alice delivered on her promise. The devil-child paid for what she did to Jasper.

No one celebrated the death of the children, it wasn't easy on any of them to destroy them, but as they caught sight of their human victims scattered on the floor of the cave—some half-alive, but most of them dead—there were no regrets about the mission they had been charged with. The children could not suffer to live in this world. Maria had turned them into merciless monsters, stripping them of any humanity they might have had at the tender age of six. They had to be abolished.

Jacob allowed me to see what had happened, how they worked in silence, carrying pieces of the destroyed vampires to a pyre Jasper had built. As they were finishing, Jasper caught sight of two immortal children hiding behind a boulder at the mouth of the cave. Before he could warn Alice, they launched themselves at her, teeth bared, ready to strike. I watched through Jacob's retelling the horror each of them felt as Alice fell to the ground trying to fend off the attack she wasn't ready for. It was Travis, one of the young wolves I never got to know too well, who was nearest to her. His teeth locked on to the nearest child, but the other one was quicker and stronger than he anticipated. The child had his arms around Travis before Alice could intervene, and crushed his ribs, shattering them. His death was swift, just like the attack, and before any of them had time to process it, more vampires came at them from the trees.

Alice yelled a warning, but the others were slow to react to her words with the death of one of their own. Embry, in shock and grieving for his training partner—the young one he swore to protect—was caught unawares and leapt a fraction too late. Three of the charging vampires caught him, slamming his body against a boulder until there was nothing left to break. The crunch and the pain from the force of it echoed in all of the wolves' ears, pushing them to be faster, fiercer and more ruthless. With a viciousness none of us had witnessed before, they tore the remaining vampires to shreds, not stopping until Jasper had to manipulate them into a forced sense of tranquility.

It was a brutal battle with two senseless deaths which Alice felt responsible for. Approaching Jacob, with outstretched arms, I saw through Jacob's memories the sorrow which graced her face, and I heard her pleas of forgiveness. And through Jacob, I saw how selfless he thought Alice to be. There was no reproach, none from the wolves, only the torment of having lost two brothers.

 _We're all comrades now,_ Jacob said to me as we both ran, heading in the same direction. _Tell Alice when we see her again, there is no blame._

My heart couldn't hold anymore grief. Between Charlie, the wolves and whatever else was to come, I didn't think I was capable of carrying it all inside of me. It threatened to cripple me, but I kept on running, willing my feet forward. I knew true anguish, the kind that left you incapacitated, and this was not it. Not yet.

 _Going after Bella?_ Jacob said, as he finally caught up to me. _The others are heading back to help. I figured you could use mine._

I didn't know how I was going to tell him about Charlie. I couldn't bring myself to do it. And then there was Bella...

She would hold me responsible. Not only did I cast the vote that ended his life, but I was there when he was dying. I could have saved him. How would I tell Bella her father was dead because of me? Charlie never wanted this life, and I never would have forced it on someone I loved and respected, but I could have given Bella her father for the rest of her existence. I had to hope Bella would understand that it was Charlie's decision to die a mortal death. Mirroring Jacob's words, I had to hope there would be no blame.

 _She's close._ Jacob howled, hoping she would hear it.

Jacob didn't ask why Bella wasn't with me, or how we had been separated. He was focused on her scent just as I was. Seeing the chaos on the battlefield through the eyes of his brothers, we pushed harder and faster to get to Bella. Vendetta or not, she was the only who could stop this.

We were following a trail of demolition consisting of uprooted trees and craters as big as men. Bella had been fighting her way through more of Maria's army to get to her. She was moving fast, but I caught a glimpse of Bella's red T-shirt far down the other side of the ridge. She heard us, there was no way she couldn't have, but she continued to run. There was one thing I had on her though, I was faster than her, always had been, and always would be. She would not outrun me. There was proof in that because I was gaining on her, but no matter how much I pushed she was still out of my reach.

Leaving Jacob behind, I ran until I realized I couldn't run anymore. We were getting further and further from where she needed to be. If this continued there would be nothing left for us to go back to. She wasn't listening to my calls, or Jacob's howls, she just kept running and wouldn't stop. My chest was hurting as frustration filled my every thought. Anger took over, and with my jaw tense and my fists clenched, I uprooted a tree hurling it as far as I could, while I yelled out in desperation.

"CHARLIE'S DEAD!"

It wasn't how I wanted to tell her, or Jacob, but Bella didn't give me a choice. She was ruled by vengeance with a one track mind, and I knew the damage it could do. There wasn't a day gone by since Bella had returned I didn't think about Victoria. Blinded by anger, I wasn't rational. If I had left Victoria alive, and listened to my head instead of my heart, maybe I could have saved Bella from all of this. I only saw red that day, which is exactly what Bella was seeing now.

Following the color of her shirt through the trees, she was still moving despite what I had just yelled. Behind me, I heard Jacob's pain, and the pain from all of the wolves as their collective minds processed the information. There was affliction in their howls; it could be heard far off in the distance. It was disarming, and I buckled from the weight of it all.

"Bella," I pleaded, looking down the ridge, "I can't." Laying my head in my hands, the panic settled in. I could see the lives of my family slipping through my fingers. It was all for nothing. Everything I had done for them in the last ten years was all going to end here and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Bella was beyond my reach. I wanted to scream, and let go of all this anger and desperation I was feeling. It had a hold around my heart and it was squeezing it dry. If this is how it would feel without any of them, I wanted to die alongside them.

Jacob nudged me, whimpering as he tried to get me to stand up. _She's there,_ he said, urging me forward. His emotions were just as raw as mine. _Edward..._ he said with a warning. _She doesn't look herself. She looks...volatile._ Raising my head, my eyes zeroed in on her at the bottom of the ridge. She had stopped a few hundred feet from us, but kept her back to us. She was gripping tightly to a tree, like it was the only thing holding her up.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I said, knowing she could hear me. My words paled in comparison to the regret I was feeling. Walking the remaining distance with my hands in the air, I continued with the apologies until I was only an arm's length away from her. I wasn't sure what I expected her to do, but just as Jacob had said, something in her posture told me she was unstable, like a grenade with its pin pulled. "I'm sorry about Charlie." My voice hiccupped. "I loved him, too." And I did, even if I hadn't admitted it until now. He was a one of the best men I ever knew and he didn't deserve any of this. None of these people did. "Don't let his death be in vain. Please..." She hadn't turned around. I watched as her chest heaved, like she was trying to get air into her lungs before she drowned in her own heartache. "We need you—I need you. They're going to die. Can't you hear what's happening?"

I hadn't touched her yet, afraid she was a mirage or maybe I was afraid Bella was gone from me for good, and in her place was the side of her that I didn't know; the one that terrified me more than anything. "Save them," I said, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder while I held my breath. "Save our family, Bella."

Dropping her hands, I saw the dents in the tree trunk left behind by her fingers. She still hadn't looked at me. I wanted to see her face. I needed to see her eyes to know what she was thinking. She would be devastated, hurting beyond where I could reach her. She had lost Charlie, and she had almost lost Garrett, but how much of my Bella was here with us? Bella would never sacrifice the ones she loved for revenge. The Bella I loved would sacrifice herself before letting her anger rule her. I hoped some part of my Bella was still with me, and could challenge this Phoenix who seemed to forget why we were fighting. Not for revenge, but for peace.

My Bella would understand many for the one was not the way.

"Do you remember what you promised me in the meadow?" Her voice was low and full of malice. "You promised me Maria. You promised you'd give me my peace."

"And I said...I wouldn't fail you. But this is not the way."

Jacob had given us our space, but now his massive wolf form dwarfed her as he reached her side. Letting out a deep whine, he nuzzled her side, pushing her forward a little.

_Tell her I'll kill the she-devil. Tell her I'll bring the bloodsucker back and lay her head at her feet._

"Jacob and I will make sure Maria pays. We promise she won't get away."

 _That's not what I said._ He growled.

"I won't let you down, Bella, not ever again."

Her jaw was tense, and her eyes were still closed. She took one deep breath, slightly lifting the corner of mouth. "You won't," she whispered, turning her head toward me. When her eyes opened, it was like looking through a window into her pain. Hollow and clear, yet full of darkness, like she was half in this world and half in another. It chilled me to see her struggling so much, trying not to let her sorrow swallow her. Never once did I look away. My Bella was still there, and my heart soared when I saw her. Reaching out, she grabbed hold of Jacob's fur and my arm, squeezing tight to transfer some of her anguish to each of us. "I'll end this, but you have to end her."

She was gone before I could answer.

 _She'll do it,_ Jacob said to me and then passed the message to the other wolves that Bella was on her way. He let out an ear piercing howl before taking off in the direction of Maria's scent.

It wasn't hard to follow Maria's trail, but she had quite a head start on us. After all these months, I never would have thought I'd end up here with Jacob, the most unlikely of allies. His hatred of me spanned a decade, and now it was down to the two of us to give peace to the one woman who had fuelled our discord. She united us, giving us a common goal despite our predestined lives. If we survived this, maybe there was hope for a friendship between me and Jacob.

 _Is it me, or are we doubling back?_ Jacob asked.

"Dammit, we are." Maria _was_ unpredictable. I knew where she was heading. "Garrett," I said. "Maria is going back for Garrett." It wasn't enough for her to lose, and escape. She wanted to hurt Bella, and cause her more pain than she would be capable of handling. Jacob growled. Like me, he knew Bella would never be the same if she lost both Charlie and Garrett.

We picked up our pace.

**-:-**

WHEN I LEFT THE clearing to go after Charlie, there had been no time to help Garrett. Having no other choice, I entrusted him to Isaac for safe keeping hoping Bella had been right about the little man. In his broken English he told me he would watch over Garrett, but that was far from a promise to keep him safe. The Haitian was a wildcard in all of this, and I was getting a sinking feeling in my stomach that he was the type of man who was only going to look out for himself first.

After a painful explanation of our process of healing to Jacob, we had to assume Garrett was still immobile.

_Sorry, Cullen, but that's just wrong on so many levels. You're telling me he was decapitated, but he'll live._

"Partially. He was partially decapitated, and yes, he'll be able to heal himself as though it never happened. That's why you need to burn us. It's the only way to be sure."

Jacob continued his imaginings of limbs and other body parts wiggling all over the field below us. Soon, the other wolves chimed in with their aversions and it was a free for all, like something out of Frankenstein's laboratory.

"It's not like that."

 _Can you fix your finger?_ Jacob asked, noticing the missing digit.

Holding my hand up, I squeezed it into a fist feeling the absent finger. "If I can find it."

_That's sick, man._

"I never said it wasn't," I said. "Come on, they should be just over the next ridge. Maria's there, I can hear her."

As we neared the top, we both were aware of the column of smoke coming through the trees. This time I would be smart about approaching the clearing unlike our last failed attempt. Jacob circled around to the other side, letting me know he would be my back up, hoping to surprise Maria with his presence.

Maria's thoughts were much easier to read than I would have expected. One such as her should have guarded them close, like Aro and the rest of the Volturi did. But she was an open book. Maybe she had never been around a mind-reader, or perhaps she no longer cared. She wanted Garrett dead, and she wanted to witness Bella's pain when she told her she had killed him.

"Two for the price of one," she said, turning her head toward the tree I was hiding behind. "Dear Edward, please join me."

"Isaac," I said, "where's Garrett?" He wasn't where I had left him, and my heart sunk as my eyes settled on the mound and the flames next to Maria.

"Shi want' im."

Maria kicked a log on the fire and sparks showered around the two of them. She laughed, a cold and wicked shrill that sent a shiver up my spine. Stepping out from behind the tree, my eyes never left Maria while I walked toward her. I had thought Maria was easy to read, but she wasn't. She had a one track mind, and she was giving nothing away as to Garrett's whereabouts.

"Isaac," I said again, through gritted teeth. "Where is he?"

"Gone," Maria said, raising her hands. "Poof!"

I recognized the acrid, burning stench of one of our own in the air. The clearing was empty though, and when I had left there were at least four bodies here which could account for the smell that was turning my stomach.

"What did you do, Isaac?" I asked him.

"You think Isaac is your ally?" Maria laughed, and the little man cast his eyes downward. The voice in his head was a mix of Patois and Creole. I wasn't sure exactly what he was thinking, but it was clear from the images he was trying decide whose side would benefit him.

"Yes, I do. Bella trusted you, Isaac, so did Garrett. You're their friend."

"Friends! Now I know where Phoenix got all this notion of love and loyalty. Your idealism is pedestrian. Isaac knows what rules people, don't you, Isaac? Show him."

 _Edward, we can take them both._ Jacob's thoughts came loud and clear. Shaking my head slightly, I let him know to stand fast. _We're wasting time. Garrett's gone. Let's end this and get back to the others._

There was something in the way Isaac was leaning, away from Maria that gave me hope. He kept glancing to the edge of the ridge, where there was a rock shelf. I caught a glimpse of an image of Garrett.

"He's alive, isn't he, Isaac?" I asked. "You saved him."

Dread. I felt it wash over me.

It wasn't here in the clearing, but I didn't know where it was coming from. It was an overwhelming sense of doom. Looking to Isaac, I wondered if this is what he did, if this is what it felt like when he used his power.

_Edward—_

It was one voice, but it heightened the dread I was feeling. "Isaac, don't do this." His head remained lowered while he stared at the fire.

_Edward—_

This time there was panic in that voice. Taking another step into the clearing, I sought out Jacob. "The rock shelf! Look there." Jacob heeded my plea and took off through the trees toward the edge of the ridge.

_They are coming—_

The voice was getting louder, affecting my concentration until it was impossible not to pay attention to it. I needed to know where it was coming from and I needed to know if it was real.

"Stop it!" I hissed and Maria laughed.

"It's _dread_ -ful, isn't it? Placing that one idea, that one belief in your head. Tears you up inside. Let me guess...it has something to do with your precious _Bella._ Is she dying?" Her laughter spurned uncontrollable anger making it impossible to focus on what was real.

Grabbing the little man, I held him by the throat with his feet dangling in the air. "I said, stop it!"

 _He's here! Garrett's alive, he's whole,_ Jacob said, confirming with an image of Garrett lying on his side, semi-conscious and still unable to move.

When I looked into Isaac's eyes, I felt the weight of the dread again, but this time it felt different. Somehow I knew the fear wasn't fabricated, it was real. Isaac wasn't doing this. This was happening.

"Da Missus mi fren." He shook his head. "Mi not do that."

It _was_ happening, because Maria was right. If Isaac was doing this and was the cause of all this turmoil I was feeling, he would know my worst fear was losing Bella. Somehow I didn't think he could use a multitude of fears and be selective about it.

It was Marcus I had heard. His voice intruded on my thoughts, and with him was the one person other than Bella I couldn't live without.

 _Edward, what is it?_ Jacob asked from the other side of the clearing.

"It's Carlisle," I said, hardly able to get the words out. Placing Isaac back on his feet, I apologized to him and glanced in Jacob's vicinity. "Tell the others to get to the compound! Now!"

"With whom are you talking?" Maria asked. Her expression had fallen, having put two and two together. "You can read minds? Is that your special talent?" Her face spread into a wide grin, the kind that looked like it would swallow me whole if given the chance. "This will prove very useful. I'm beginning to like you, _dear_ Edward. Sparing you was a good decision."

Narrowing my eyes at her, I thought about ripping her head from her neck. There was no time to engage in this little cock fight she was inviting. Through Marcus's thoughts I watched as he and Carlisle stood side by side, ready to protect the humans in the compound from a new threat that had emerged.

"Aro sent the others," I said to Jacob. "They've come to destroy the victor. Either way, if it was us or Maria, Aro wanted everyone dead. Jane...Alec...they're at the compound."

The horror seemed to spread, engulfing me and it boiled over when I heard the next voice.

_Edward, son, hear me. Hear my voice._

Screaming in frustration, I knew I was too far away to help. Only Bella could protect them from Alec and his ability.

"Isaac, you really are masterful in your work," Maria said, stepping away from us. "The Volturi...that's a nice touch." As soon as she had heard the name Aro, her plans had changed and she was getting ready to run.

Jacob stepped through the bushes, growling at Maria. One look at the enormous, legendary wolf working with me and doubt played in her head. Destroying us would have to wait. She knew when she was out matched, and she wasn't convinced Isaac was working his party tricks on me. She was genuinely frightened, and as her face paled, her thoughts filled with plans of escape.

"Give him a reason," I said to her, distracted by what was happening below on the field. "Just one and he'll end you piece by piece!" I was yelling now that the fear had settled into my heart as I waited for Carlisle to speak again.

Jacob snapped his jaws in her direction. _I think we have plenty of reasons._

Clutching my head, I grasped at anything so as not to let the panic take over.

_Go, Edward. I got this._

I knew Jacob would. He would have liked nothing more than to take down Maria, but it was my promise to Bella, and mine alone. I had to follow this through. Maria had every intention of fighting me; I could see it in her thoughts. It would be long and drawn out, and vicious. She was older and stronger than me, and she would do her best to cause some damage even if it meant fighting both me and Jacob. We didn't have time for this kind of fight.

 _You must remind Esme of the promise we made to each other._ Carlisle's voice rang like church bells in my ears.

Carlisle. My breath hitched at his name as I fell to my knees.

_You must do this, Edward. She made me a promise I intend her to keep._

"Carlisle!" I screamed. I was too far away. I was _too_ far. I saw the whisper of mist encroaching them with the intentions to surround him and Marcus and the other vampires at their sides. It would reach them in minutes. There wasn't anyone who could defeat Alec's power, no one other than Bella. She had to be close. _Where was she?_ Soon Carlisle would be masked in darkness without sight or sound or any of his senses. He would feel nothing and be vulnerable to anything that came his way.

"CARLISLE!"

Jacob's pack was too far, and without Bella there to stop Alec, they would fall under Alec's shadow just like the others. It was apparent how hopeless the situation was and how desperate I was becoming.

"You did this," I hissed. Rising to my feet, I leveled my eyes with Maria's. Jacob had her cornered and she wasn't going anywhere. "This is all your fault!" With my fists clenched at my side, my anger and rage boiled over removing all of my logic and sense. Maria's form vanished before my eyes, and in its place was the fiery red hair of Victoria's. My breaths were ragged and fast, coming out in sobs while I accepted the idea of losing the only father I had ever known. It was Maria's fault, or Victoria's. A vision of both women trembled like a holograph, changing from one to the other each time I tried to breathe an imaginary breath. It started with Victoria and it was ending with Maria. Two women who had destroyed the two very beings my entire life revolved around.

"What did we do to you? Why?" I asked, pleading to both of them, pleading to no one...pleading to God.

_Edward, can you hear me?_

"Yes," I said in a sob. I felt just as blind as Carlisle and Marcus.

 _My brother will not stop with us,_ Marcus said. _He must be killed, Edward. With your help, I wanted to be the one. Now this task falls to you and your Isabella. Finish this for my love of Didyme. Finish this for yours._

"If you had just left us alone!" I saw Victoria. I saw Maria. "None of this would be happening. All this wasted life!"

"I see where she gets her bleeding heart from," Maria mocked. "It's you who doesn't get it. You can't live in both worlds. It doesn't work like that. We are predators. They are prey. It's in our nature to hunt, to feed, not to befriend, and certainly not to love."

"You're wrong," I said, through gritted teeth.

 _Edward Cullen!_ Jane's voice came thundering into my head. There were so many now it was becoming unbearable to concentrate. _I know you can hear me. Aro would like you to know he has come to collect his debt. For the Volturi's aid, we take your payment._

"She's going to kill them," I whispered, grasping the sides of my head.

 _Who is?_ Jacob asked. _Where's Bella?_

"Jane. She's going to kill Marcus and Carlisle and everyone else. Bella's not there to stop it." My hands were tangled up in my hair, clenched in fists, like I was trying to hold in all of the thoughts I was hearing. I was afraid that I would miss one from Carlisle and he would slide away forever.

Maria started chuckling, a low and throaty victory laugh. She was nothing but a distraction now. As the cause of so many unnecessary deaths, her life was forfeit.

I heard him. He wasn't speaking directly to me, but he knew I was listening. Carlisle was praying. He was speaking to his own father, and asking him for forgiveness. It wasn't a desperate plea, but more of a conversation to let his father know how he tried to live up to a life worthy of his beliefs. He asked God to keep his children safe, to watch over us and keep us from harm. He prayed for Esme, that she would have the strength to go on without him, and lastly he prayed for me. _Help Edward to see the kind of man he is, not the kind of man he hopes to become. He's already there, but has never understood that. Show him that he is worthy of the greatest kind of love, and please guide him with a tender hand so that he may guide the others in this life I have forced upon them. And lastly, I ask you to teach my daughter, Bella, how to be loved. She has been lost in shadow for so long and needs to be pulled into the light. Teach her it's okay to put her trust in love. Embrace her, like you embraced me._

This was what the crippling sorrow had felt like all those years ago. In this moment my sobs escaped me and couldn't be stopped. I ignored Jacob, and pushed away Maria's laughter, only focusing on the voice of a man who had outshined all others in his life, human or not.

He was quiet. There was darkness all around him; no sound, no sight, nothing but blackness. Up until now he had been calm, like he had accepted his death long before this moment, but now I felt the rise of his panic. Our roles had reversed, and for him, I willed myself to a state of serenity wishing desperately he could feel it even though I knew he couldn't. From this moment on, I would be the man he believed me to be. I would go forward with my head up and my eyes open carrying the same Grace as this man did for so many years. Taking a deep breath, I let the peace of Carlisle's words wash over me, and it settled into my heart lifting my sorrow.

_Am I worthy?_

"Yes, Carlisle," I whispered. "You always were."

As I felt his life being swept away from me, anger surged in my veins, and I leapt, springing to my feet in a fraction of a second. Maria didn't have time to blink before my arms were wrapped around her head. Her terror filled eyes bored into mine, but there was no time for her last thoughts. With a merciless snap, I fulfilled my promise to Bella.

Holding Maria's head in my hands, it felt familiar but so very different. I wasn't gasping for air this time, I wasn't panicking; I was composed and clear of thought.

 _Go,_ Jacob said. _I got this._

As I started to run, I heard his howl pierce the night letting his brothers know of our tale of sorrow and triumph.

**-:-**

IT WAS EASY TO understand why I had held on to Bella for all those years. Deep down, a small part of me hidden away had always known she was still on this earth. Even when I tried to let her go, I couldn't, because we were tethered to each other.

Carlisle was gone to a place where I would never reach him again. This was the feeling I would have felt if Bella had been truly gone. Without a doubt, I knew Carlisle was no longer with me. His presence...the essence of who he was had been eclipsed and in its place was nothing but a cavern of nothingness. This was the difference I felt between Bella's death and now Carlisle's, and however inappropriate it was, all I kept thinking was that I should have known all those years ago.

Where would we be now if I had?

To say I would miss him as a father figure would be an injustice to him. My whole existence had revolved around Carlisle for so many years. Every decision I made always had him in mind and whether he would approve or not. And likewise, I realized, everything he ever did was for me. My mother, saving me, Rosalie...even Esme, he had done all those things to save me. The more I thought of this while I ran, the more I could hear the voice of Carlisle reasoning with me to move past my guilt. With each step I took comfort in his wisdom and the pain in my chest subsided. It felt as though there was a hand guiding me and pushing me faster while lessening the ache that had overwhelmed me. Maybe it washim, or maybe it was wishful hoping some part of him would always stay with me. Carlisle was the greatest man I would ever know, and the only thing left to do was to live up to the man he was and who he thought I was. I would be that man, or otherwise perish with the rest of them.

 _We didn't make it!_ I heard Alice's cries in my head, screaming what I already knew. _He's gone! Edward, we didn't make it!_

Alice had found Bella, and together they had barreled on to the field minutes too late only to find the column of smoke and the triumphant smile on Jane's face.

 _What did you do?_ Alice was yelling at Jane, her hands clenched in her hair.

 _Payment._ Jane shrugged. _It was the agreed upon price. Aro would like your cooperation or the rest of them will share Marcus and Carlisle's fate. My master said I could take my pick, so I'll be certain to start with the Southern Major._

 _We_ will _kill you,_ Alice said. _Let's be_ certain _of that._

Jane turned to Alec. _Dear brother,_ she said, _make them cooperate._

It was like being forced to watch a masterclass horror movie for the second time. Through Alice's eyes, I saw the same wisp of a mist encroach its way toward Bella and Alice. Soon it would engulf them both just as it had Marcus and Carlisle. It was a chance we had taken with Bella's powers and whether or not she would be immune to them or even be able to stop them. A risky chance we never got the opportunity to test and it looked like we never would.

Bella had shut down. She had fallen to her knees, staring through the smoke to the crumpled rocks where we had found Charlie. His blood could still be seen on the rock we had lifted from his crushed body. Her eyes held a ghostly expression, the same one I recognized from Garrett's memories of when she had first been turned. She had checked out, just like she had then and nothing Alice was saying was getting through to her.

 _Bella_! Alice choked out. _Come on. Stay with me. Edward's on his way._ You are on your way, right? _Please, Bella, do something!_

"Get up, Bella," I said to no one as I ran. "Fight back, dammit. Don't do this to me. Fight!" My words were useless as were Alice's.

The mist had made its way to them and within seconds Alice's world had gone black.

 _Edward! I can't see!_ Alice's panicked voice hit me hard, like a punch to the stomach. _Where are you?_

Alice was immersed in the same darkness that had consumed Carlisle. I could no longer see Bella, or Jane or anyone else, I could only hear Alice's terrified voice pleading to Bella to help her. The only thing I had left to do was to pray to whomever was listening, hoping Carlisle or someone would answer my prayers. "Please don't take them. Carlisle, you were worthy enough for all of our penance. Spare them, please."

Even though I wanted my Bella, she needed to be Garrett's Phoenix right now. She was the fighter, the one with little remorse and the one who could compartmentalize her emotions. She was the one who terrified me, but she was also the one that was necessary for this battle.

Could one exist without the other? I asked myself. And if they could, how would we survive without them both?

As I came up over the last ridge, my eyes caught sight of the massacre below; red mixed with brown and gray as far as the eye could see. Bodies were burning and the air was thick with black smoke. The battle had been brutal, and after all that fighting our family had managed to stay alive. Now they would be lambs for the lions. With Alec's power rendering them without sight, or sound, they couldn't defend themselves and they would be ready for the taking. Jane and the rest of Aro's vampires would destroy them all.

"Carlisle," I whispered and held my breath for a few seconds before continuing, "I believe in you. I believe in your faith, please don't prove me wrong." There was a moment where I waited for his voice to find me, to soothe me and tell me it was going to be all right. I searched for it amongst all the others, looking for his logic and understanding because none of this was making sense anymore. He was always my impenetrable rock when everything was crumbling to dust. Without him, there was nothing I could hold on to. It wasn't Bella who was going to be left alone, it was me. I had spent the last ten years trying to save my family and do right by them and it had all been in vain. We had finally found a place where we were accepted, where we almost had it all, and this is how it would end.

Jane signaled to the guards surrounding her. "Our orders are to destroy the rebel's army. These two," she pointed to Alice and Bella, "Aro wants. The other Cullens are yours to do with as you like. Let's not disappoint him."

"Jane!" I yelled down to her. If this _was_ our end, I was going with them.

She glanced up in my direction, and I could see her smile even at this distance. _Edward, Aro did extent his invitation to you. You may join us if you like. I believe the deal was one hundred years of servitude. However this insubordination will not go unpunished._

Her guards were almost to Bella and Alice. "Please..." I whispered one more time to myself. "I'm begging you."

Before I finished my plea the mist near Alice and Bella started to diminish. Through Alice's eyes, I saw what she was seeing: Bella still kneeling with her long, dark hair veiled around her face. She was breathing heavily, her chest pumping up and down while her hands were flattened on the ground, pressing into the dirt. With a slow and deliberate shift of her head, Bella lifted her chin and stared right through Alice. She looked nothing like the girl Alice had always known her to be. There was fire in her eyes and a coldness Alice was shocked to find. It caused her to shiver and take a step away from her.

 _Bella,_ she gasped, but it wasn't Bella. This was the volatile woman Jacob and I had witnessed deep in the forest. The pin had definitely been pulled, and it was only a matter of seconds before it exploded.

She started to rise and as I watched her movements, I felt a connection, a bridge being forged between my thoughts and another's, as though someone was pushing their way into my brain, poking around and trying to get me to see what they were seeing. As Bella stood straight and tall with her hands fisted at her sides, I understood what this was. Whether she had intended to or not, Bella was sharing a part of herself with me, the part I never had access to before. For the first time, I was able to see and hear her thoughts and she was taking me back to the beginning, to the first time she had laid eyes on me in the cafeteria. To her, I was perfection. It was not the same vision I saw when I looked in the mirror.

She showed me of the time I saved her from Tyler's van and how dangerous she thought I was. She let me feel her frustrations with me when I avoided her and wouldn't answer her questions in the little Italian restaurant. I saw her memory of me when she had first seen my skin in the sunlight and how beautiful she thought it was. I was seeing it all, and sharing her feelings as she remembered those days.

Warmth started to spread from the base of my neck down the length of my body, drowning out the sorrow of the last few hours. I heard exactly what she heard when I played her lullaby for the first time. I smiled along with her for the melody was different; it seemed livelier, and more delicate than I could ever play. We shared in the memories of love, laughter, and yellow-polka dot bikinis. Ripped from the bloodshed and transported to a meadow filled with flowers and sunshine. We were together just like the first time when she was still human. There was a longing between us and a sense of being found. Until that moment she hadn't felt like she belonged anywhere, that she wasn't somebody until I loved her. I wanted to shout out at her that she always was somebody, it was me who hadn't been living until I found her. I was swept away in sharing the delight of her memories. The fragrant flowers and the dew in the grass smelled like spring. The sun was on my skin, shining like diamonds exactly how Bella remembered that day. We were there in the meadow together, and then in the next instant the sun disappeared and in came the darkness.

Black clouds and cold winds rushed in and raindrops were tearing at my skin. I had been hit with the force of a dozen blows as she ripped my heart out and stomped on it in the dirt; the very same ground where I had left her in the woods all those years ago. Only this time, it was her telling me I was a distraction, that she didn't love me and she was leaving me.

I never knew the extent of how much I hurt her. As I crawled up into a little ball, feeling every wound and insult I had ever inflicted on her, I was reliving her memories and feeling her despair. I felt her abandonment when Charlie gave her back to her mother. Every broken bone and shattered rib tore at me with unimaginable pain as Laurent came at us leaving us to beg for our death. Our thoughts turned vicious and desperate trying to understand the insatiable hunger that was now a part of us. And when temptation gave in, we hated ourselves for who we had become. With every drop of blood we drank, what was left of us and who we were faded. We were becoming strangers all over again, lost to each other.

The weariness had found its way inside of us, and with it the news of Charlie's death helped spark doubt in our heart. There was no virtue left in this world and when Carlisle fell, it ignited a hatred so deep it was too much to contain. Bella's memories were wreaking havoc on the both of us. She was having a difficult time distinguishing between what was real and what was false memory, it was becoming too much for her to hold on to both. She knew she had to let go of something to be set free. As she started to shut off her emotions, it was easy to see the decision she had made. She began to recall the images of the carnage she had witnessed in Maria's caves and the killings she had partaken in without remorse. Violence surged around her as she remembered how she came to be here.

In a matter of seconds she had gone from a happy and naive school girl in love who wanted to challenge the world, to a woman who only knew of abandonment and unimaginable suffering.

One by one I saw the deaths of every one of us on this field, but it was from her hand, not from Jane's or Maria's. It was o _ur_ kind she held accountable for all this decay and disgrace. We were a plague on this earth, an existence that never should have been possible. Bella was only seeing the monsters we had become, forgetting we had the potential to behave as humans. Her grief and sorrow had laid a stone egg of loneliness in her heart and it was growing and festering into so much hatred. It was about to hatch and with it would come the end of everything; a ruination of us all.

The connection broke like an elastic band snapping, and as it retreated it took all of Bella's desolation with it. Gasping, the heaviness lifted and with a deep breath the world filled with color again.

Bella focused on Alice's eyes. Her blood red lips parted with a whisper. _Tell Edward I'm sorry_.

For the briefest of moments, the air around the two of them went still. Alice slowly raised her arm to see the hairs on it standing on end.

_Run._

It was all Alice needed to hear to understand what was about to happen. She took off running in the direction of the family, screaming at them to move and get to safety.

Watching helplessly from the cliff, I saw a shimmer in the air surrounding Bella, like when the pavement gets too hot in the summer and the air dances on top of it. Only this time it was dancing around Bella.

I hadn't realized I was yelling her name as I ran, not until my voice went hoarse.

Time seemed to stop.

There were no noises being carried on the wind. In those few seconds the entire field had become a vacuum where air and sound did not exist, nothing but bodies trapped in time. There was only a gentle zephyr which surrounded Bella, an exhale which lifted her hair ever so slightly away from her face. Then in the span of a breath came a sudden, devastating surge which originated from the core of Bella. The power leapt out of her like an explosion of wind leveling everything and everyone in its path.

I was still several hundred yards away, but the sheer force of the blast knocked me on my backside, slamming me into a few trees before I came to a rest.

It took me some time to figure out what had happened. As I lay on the ground assessing the damage and seeking out word of the others, I remembered an entry in Bella's journal of the first time she encountered Maria. Something similar had happened, but it was nothing compared to this. There was no way of knowing Bella had that kind of power inside of her. These were circumstances that were beyond what the mind could accept, and Bella had fractured under the pressure of it.

Afraid to look but knowing I needed to get to her, I leapt to my feet and then stopped dead in my tracks. It looked like a nuclear bomb had gone off, only there had never been an explosion. There were no charred trees, or burning embers, but everything that had been standing including the wall of the compound was razed to the ground. Bella stood in the middle while the world around was stagnant.

She had sent the force of her power out, attacking everything and anyone in her vicinity, and now she held them all in her thrall, including our family. None of them could move. They lay where they fell, relying upon her mercy. I knew what it felt like to be on the receiving end of her ability, but that was when Bella was aware of what she was doing. From the expression on her face, she was somewhere else and the only thing she was focused on was delivering a definitive day of reckoning.

There was no remorse as she took her first slow, calculated steps toward Alec and Jane. Their bodies lay motionless, stuck behind the strength of Bella's power. Despite knowing his fate, Alec seemed calm and accepting while his twin was the antithesis of him. Jane tried to fight back, attacking her with no success. I could hear her frustrated screams as she threatened Bella with inevitable death, but the only deaths that were forthcoming were Jane and Alec's. Her cries did nothing to stop Bella.

As she walked toward them, she reached down and broke off a large branch from one of the downed trees. The fires had been put out with the fury of the tempest, but the pitch on the field remained. With the fluidity of a dancer, Bella reached into her pocket, pulled out a lighter flicking it open and threw it at the sticky, black tar. It lit with a whoosh, inciting new fear in Alec and Jane's voices.

Bella didn't even hesitate as she dipped the branch into the flame, and then strode to where Alec and Jane lay helpless. Their black robes first caught fire and it wasn't long before their bodies were swallowed up in an inferno. They howled and thrashed against the invisible chains as the flames burned them alive. The sound of Jane's screams shook my spine and rattled my ear drums, but Bella did not falter. She proceeded to do the same with the other vampires who had come with the intention of killing us. Never pausing, and never looking twice, it wasn't long before two dozen fires burned with thick blackish-purple smoke. She was burning them all alive and it didn't look like she had any intention of stopping.

"Bella!" I yelled, running toward her. She didn't hear me, or she didn't acknowledge me, whichever it was, she continued on her mission. I had been outside of her path of destruction thankfully, and wasn't trapped like the others by the power in her mind. "Bella, that's enough," I said when I was only a few feet from her. She had worked her way through Jane's vampires and was starting in on the vampires I recognized who had fought with Marcus and Felix. "Stop! It's enough!" I reached for her arm and spun her around.

She was a stranger to me, and I to her. Her face was vacant of everything I loved about Bella. Death was present in her mind without me having to read her thoughts. I moved to reach for her hand with the flaming branch, but she pulled back from me with questioning eyes.

"Are you going to kill us all?" I asked. "Is that your answer? Are you going to hunt us down until we're gone? Will that make it all go away? It wasn't our kind that made the world this way. Everyone's accountable." I took another step closer, thinking I was getting through to her. "It's over, Bella."

In one swift motion, she turned from me sending the force out of her, ensnaring me just like the others. Her power had grown, and was still growing. It had taken over her will and with it came a reigning apocalypse that would kill us all.

"I know this isn't the life you deserved!" I called out to her. "You deserved so much more than me. You should have had a human life, one where you could marry and have children. A peaceful life with no monsters, and no one trying to kill you. But we're not the only monsters, Bella. I'm sorry," I choked out. "I'm so sorry for ruining the life you were supposed to have. I never should have loved you, but I did. I do, Bella. If I needed to breathe, I would tell you I couldn't whenever we're apart."

She kept moving away from me, and as she walked there was no misjudging her intentions: she was determined to destroy them all, lighting them up one by one with no regards to who they were. She was headed to the end of the field where Alice and the rest of the family had managed to escape to.

"Bella!" I screamed. "I know you can hear me! Don't do this. I know you're in there. Fight it. I need you to believe in this world and the life we can have in it together. You showed me all the light and goodness this world can be. _You_ shared it with me, and I need you to remember that. Come back to me, Bella." Nothing I was saying was working. It wasn't getting through to her.

 _Edward, stand up to her!_ Rosalie screamed at me. _Make her see!_

"I once told you I was selfish, Bella. I am, but you're selfish too!" It was a risky choice of words, but Rosalie was right. I had to change tactics. "We've done everything to make you feel a part of this family. To feel loved, but you keep pushing us away. It's you who refuses to let us in. Yes, I was the coward who walked away from you all those years ago, we both know that. I gave up, but now you're giving up. This is the coward's way. It's not about you or me anymore. Whatever you're thinking, whatever despair has filled your thoughts, it's a lie. _This_ is not our end."

We were gathering an audience. The humans who had survived had started to come out from behind the fallen compound walls. They were battered and bruised and some of them still bloody, but all I kept thinking was that they were alive. Seth was leading them over the rubble with Ben and Tyler helping. To know they had survived was a bittersweet reward. We had faced so much death today and Bella was determined to add to the long list.

She had reached Tanya and Eleazar. Standing over them, she was ready to set them ablaze. It would take only a wave of the branch, and their lives would be over. Everyone was screaming inside my head, but I pushed them aside, knowing I only had room for one person in my thoughts.

"Bella," I said, "look behind you. Look what you did. You saved them. They're alive because of you. I'm sorry about Charlie, he didn't deserve to die. I was there with him and he was proud of you. He was happy. He said his life felt complete again when he saw you alive. He wanted me to tell you he never gave up, and he didn't want you to give up. Goddammit, Bella, listen to me! Listen to what Charlie wanted."

My eyes bored into the back of her head hoping she would turn around. I watched her face with the help of Tanya. Her eyes flickered in recognition when I mentioned Charlie.

 _Keep going, Edward,_ Tanya said. _Keep talking._

"Carlisle loved you, Bella. I was with him, too. You were in his last thoughts. He wanted you to step out of the shadows and allow yourself to be loved. You're not alone. Why haven't you realized this, Bella?" I was struggling to get the words out. Maybe it was because we had an audience, or maybe it was because I didn't think it was working, that she was so far beyond my reach whatever I said wouldn't matter.

" _It's always been you,"_ I said. "Always will be..."

Her shoulders relaxed, but I held my breath watching and waiting until I knew for absolute certainty she had returned to us. The voices of everyone around us had nestled inside my brain, a plethora of pleas to keep talking to her.

" _You're_ the one who saves us," I whispered and waited. "You're the one who saves _me_."

The weight pressing down on my body slowly subsided, releasing its hold on me and everyone else. Bella started to collapse, but I was there to catch her before she fell. Dropping to my knees, I cradled her in my arms whispering my love while I rocked away her cries. I kissed away her sadness and held her until she stopped trembling. She was mourning, we both were, but she was gasping for survival as well. Sapped of all her energy, we lay on the ground with destruction all around us, and ignoring the others as they struggled to come to terms with had just happened. I felt Bella's response to life and not the despair that taken hold of her heart and didn't want to let go.

We slowly rocked, holding tight to each other until the sun came up. However long it was when she finally lifted her head, I saw the Bella I fell in love with looking back at me. Eyes, innocent and wide and so deep I could drown in them.

"You're back," I said and smiled.

"I heard them," she whispered. "At least I think it was them. Charlie and Carlisle. I heard them calling to me..." Her voice trailed off as she let her words sink in. "I'm so sorry, Edward." She squeezed my arm. "I didn't save him."

"I'm sorry about your father. I couldn't—He didn't want to be—"

"I know," she said. It was her way of telling me I wasn't responsible for not saving her father.

We had lost so many. The holes left by Charlie and Carlisle would never be filled. Grief was rife in the air, and so were some accusations. Was Bella to blame? I sighed, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear. I truly didn't know. She did what she thought was right. She went after the one person who had ruined her life, thinking Maria's death would save her from herself. Her idea of retribution would have destroyed us all. Carlisle would have called it fitting of God's wrath. _Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord._

"She's gone," I said, stroking her hair.

"But it's not over, is it?"

"No," I said, remembering Marcus' final thoughts. "Aro will come." She felt vulnerable in my arms. To think she could have been the slayer of us all, and now she was so incredibly fragile I wanted to protect her from every hurt and shadow that threatened her harm. I wished I could tell her this was it, that there would be no more cause to fight, but in this new world the battles would be inescapable. The world was dangling precariously on a thin line, Carlisle and Marcus both had known it was only a matter of time before someone new came along and challenged the order of things. The way things were shaping up, it seemed we were destined to become its protectors.

The subtle shift in Bella's posture told me she understood this as well. There were two extremes to Bella, just as Carlisle had known there were to me as well. She wouldn't let go of her warrior side, not until the threats against the ones she loved were eliminated. Bella had her own monster who rested below the surface of herself and maybe together we could help each other keep them the other's at bay. She brought out the best in me, and my family was diligently reminding me as they skirted around us that I did the same for her. Equals in every way.

"Garrett?" she asked.

Lifting her chin, I pointed to the upper crest of the ridge where Jacob and Garrett were slowly making their way down.

 _I hear she kicked some ass_. He expressed his gratitude, and then his condolences for Charlie and Carlisle. His next words came as somewhat of a surprise, but they seemed fitting nonetheless. _Charlie was her father, but I'm her maker. Consider me the closest thing she has to family, Edward. It'll be me who walks her down the aisle, and it'll be me who gives her to a worthy man. I never thought I'd like you, pretty boy, but then no one's really good enough for her. I've come to realize...you might be close._ _And don't worry, the wolf found your finger._

"Yes," I said laughing, and gave him a nod, "I think he's going to be fine."

Relief swept through Bella and she let out low moan. "So many," she said. "Do we know? Did I?"

"I'm not sure how many. Felix took a count before they left, and he said they lost over half." I didn't tell her that a few were by her hands. She knew, and she didn't need to be reminded of it by me.

"Embry and Travis were attacked going after Emilia. Tanya and Kate..." I sighed, "lost their sister. Irina's gone." Tanya was keeping her melancholy close, but I recognized the sign of settling scores taking root in her heart. She didn't want consoling, not from Eleazar or Carmen and she refused to go back to the compound with them. There was blame in her thoughts. It was subtle, but it was enough for me to want to protect Bella from Tanya's condemning glares. Bella had almost burned her, and she wasn't about to forget that so soon, nor would she forget the death of Carlisle or her sister.

We were all raw, and without having the ability to shed any tears it was hard to let some emotions go. _Time._ Carlisle's words echoed in my head, helping me to dismiss my fears. There wasn't much I could cling to, but I could hold tight to time and let it heal our wounds. We were going to need each other to get through what lay ahead of us. We needed to be united, and hopefully Tanya would see that, but for right now she had earned her anger.

"And the compound?" Bella asked.

"Some got through, Seth said, but most of our people were safe in the bunker. Marcus and..." I swallowed, not sure if I was ready to say his name, "Carlisle...stopped them in time." She took my hand and kissed the palm. I was being strong for her, but that gesture was about to undo me.

"Please, for the love of God, someone tell me if Newton was bit." Emmett had found his way over to us, deciding our solitary time was over. This time I appreciated his ill timing. "I cannot handle an eternity with that guy."

Bella started to laugh, and then gasped when she saw him. "Emmett! Your arm."

"Aw, it's nothing. Just a scratch. And don't worry," he held up the detached appendage, "it's not my wrestling arm."

Rosalie smacked him on the side of the head. "It was funny the first time, not the eighth. Fix it, or I'll burn it."

"Aw, Rosie, you have such a way with words," Emmett kissed her, "but having one arm would put a damper on a lot of things." He wriggled his eyebrows up and down, and once again I was privy to an onslaught of inappropriate images from the two of them.

"Stop it, both of you," I said, giving them both disapproving looks. "Em, you'll be happy to know Newton has a pulse. I can hear his whining from here."

Everyone had started to gather around us, and as I pulled us to our feet, Alice ripped Bella from my arms, sweeping her away to assess damages and hug her until she was sure it was her Bella back with us.

 _Did you see her?_ Alice asked. _She was magnificent. Terrifyingly beautiful. How did I not see she had it in her?_

How did none of us see what Bella could do? She had the potential to destroy an indestructible species, and Alice never saw it coming. 'Terrifyingly beautiful' didn't quite cover it, and that's not including the bridging a connection between us that I never thought would be possible. When we had some time to ourselves again, I'd ask her how she did it, but only when I knew she was ready. I did not intend her to relive the last few hours right now. It was something we would have to explore eventually. She would need to tap into her potential to get control of it so this never happened again. It's what Carlisle would have asked us to do, I was certain.

I caught sight of Jasper with Esme nestled into his side. There were deep lines etched across his face. It was evident he was working overtime trying his best to help anyone who needed it, and from the looks of us we all did. He was suffering and taking on everyone else's too.

 _I'm all right,_ he reassured me, _I can at least do this for them. For Esme._

As I embraced Esme, I tried to convey all of my feelings of hope and love for her. Whispering in her ear, I told her how I was with Carlisle until the end and how his thoughts were of her. I retold it exactly as it happened, pressing upon the promises they made to each other. I didn't ask what they were; I didn't feel it was my place. I could only guess, and when she hugged me back I knew I had been right. Esme was to go on without him, no matter how difficult it would prove to be. She would be our mother in the truest sense, taking care of us just like he hoped she would. Neither of them had wanted their children to have to grieve the deaths of two parents, so she would fulfill her promise, and together she would guide us to live a life worthy of Carlisle Cullen and all that he embodied.

Looking over the top of Esme's head, I saw that Bella had pulled away from Alice. She was watching us, hesitant to join us, but I could tell she wanted to speak with Esme. I held out my hand for her, but she shook her head, and then looked at the ground.

"It's okay," I comforted her. "She's not thinking like that." I smiled at Bella as Esme turned to face her. It took two strides and then Esme held Bella close to her consoling her when it should have been the other way around. There was no blame in Esme's heart, there wasn't any room for it. She was filled with Carlisle's compassion and her own strength which would see her through the demanding days ahead.

Bella started to back away, and for a moment we all thought she was going to run. She was processing something; I recognized the look in her eyes. I could only hope her courage stayed with her. Just as Esme went to reach for her again, Bella's hands went up to her neck and she pulled the chain out from under her muddied, red T-shirt.

"Esme," she said, "Do you remember what you said when you gave this to me?" She held out the necklace with the piece of stone from my wall hanging on the end of it. Esme's hands were shaking as she brought them to her mouth and gasped. She nodded, and held back a tiny sob. "You said we were kindred spirits, you and I. That we both had been abandoned by love, or more importantly we believed we had. You told me Carlisle was lost to you once and it was the darkest of days for you. But he came back, just as Edward came back to me." Bella reached for my hand, while her other one still held the necklace in the air. "You gave me this stone to keep me grounded, so I wouldn't forget what I had once lost, so I wouldn't abuse the gift of love. You said this to me when all I wanted to do was run away." She paused, looking down at her feet. "He spoke to me," she whispered. She looked up at us, and there was regret in her eyes. "It didn't make sense before, but it does now. He said, 'When the sharp edges are smooth, then it will be time.' I think he meant this." She placed the necklace in Esme's palm, the chain coiling around the stone as it dropped in her hand. "He wanted you to have this back, Esme, as a reminder. He'll be waiting for you, but only when you're both ready. Goodbyes are not forever, you'll find each other again."

As I listened to Bella talk of love and hope, I felt the ache in my heart start to lift away. There was something about that wall which held some divine power over all of us. 'Know God. Know Peace.' Those were the words that lead me to Carlisle that day, and those were the words that lead him back to Esme. Carlisle had found his God, and now I truly believed he had found his peace. A part of him had always felt responsible for what happened to the world ten years ago. Travelling from settlement to settlement and helping those who needed his care was his way to make up for it. He would have helped every one of them, but instead he chose to help us. I wondered if there had been more to Carlisle's plan to come back to Forks than he ever let on. We had been nomads for so long, never accepted wherever we went, always alone. But here, Carlisle knew this was the one place where someone knew what we were, the one place we could be honest again. Maybe he took a chance, hoping in a dream that had never existed in our thoughts before. The world had changed, and maybe Carlisle had hoped the hearts of men and wolves had, too.

It was a thought I would carry with me for many years to come, and as I looked around at the scattered remnants of our army it was a thought I would welcome often. Here on this wasteland amongst the smoke and fires and ash, vampires, wolves and humans grieved and celebrated as one. We were bloodied but we were not broken. We might never have our perfect piece of forever, but this was a home where we could seek it out. There was a lot to rebuild, but the foundations were still here. For the first time in our lives we were not alone in this, and together we would face the coming dawn united as one.


	39. Epilogue

**EPILOGUE**

**-:- It's Better to Have Loved and Lost Than Never to Have Loved At All -:-**

* * *

" _THIS IS ECHO 1, transmitting in the vicinity of 47 degrees 57 minutes north, and 124 degrees 23 minutes west. The date, as far as we know it, is March 24th, 2017. If there is anyone out there receiving this transmission, talk to me. That's all I'm asking. Just know that you're not alone out there, and we have the means to help._

" _We'll continue to broadcast the following message every day at twelve hundred hours. Learn it, pass on the information because, make no mistake, there is a war coming, and it's one you can't fight on your own. You might think you're outmatched, but you're not. We can fight and we can win. It's a new world, and you must be prepared for what lies ahead. We can teach you how._

" _I've told you the story of how it began...as to how it will end? We don't know. But we'll keep fighting alongside the most unlikely of allies until the threat is gone._

" _This is Seth Clearwater broadcasting from the settlement now known as—"_

"Hey," Leah whispered as her head popped up from the trap door in the floor. I heard her coming up the ladder to the tower, but I figured she was coming to listen like most of us did when Seth was on the radio. We all carried the anticipation that one of these days someone would answer us back. Leah wouldn't have interrupted unless it was important. Her anxiety was mixed with some excitement I couldn't quite place, but she was trying to contain it as best she could.

"You shouldn't be climbing up here, Leah," I whispered so as not to disrupt Seth's broadcast. "Jake will have your hide and don't let Rose catch you, she's liable to lock you in the bunker for the rest of your term."

"Please, between those two and my mother, this is the only sanctuary I have. I'm not even showing and they're acting like I'm ready to give birth." I helped her climb up the rest of the way, pausing to listen to the rapid heartbeat competing with her own. She gave me her sternest look. "Don't you start on me, too," she said. "It was your wife who sent me to find you." She smiled, and her eyes lit up the room. "Blame her."

Seth and I were on duty today to relay the message and get it out there. Knowing Aro and Caius, they wouldn't stop until they had their revenge. With Jane's death, and the demise of the rest of Aro's guard, they would be looking to recruit. Aro wasn't a fool, but we had our own little victory, a spy on our side to track the Volturi's movements. Isaac turned out to be trustworthy after all, and enjoyed his new job as an informant. Aro was determined to find a 'talent' that could match Bella's, but so far he hadn't found one.

We had given up one devil for another and it was only a matter of time until the Volturi built their army up again. When they did, they would come for us and anyone who got in their way would be expendable. The old ways were gone. This was a new world on the horizon, one where vampires roamed freely and humans chose to fight or be fodder.

Word of Maria's destruction had spread amongst her survivors. Those who managed to get away went into hiding, or they joined Aro and Caius in the rebuilding of the guard. It was happening all over again, and we had made it our mission to put a stop to them. It didn't take us long to rebuild what had been destroyed, and that included everyone's spirits as well. There was too much to do for anyone to wallow for long, and with the return of our people from the north, the compound had found its rhythm again. The absence of the ones we lost, especially Charlie and Carlisle, was felt everywhere. They had been the pillar and the backbone of us all, but with every brick laid and nail hammered they were here with us. The way to honor our dead was to protect the very world they died defending.

Sue and Esme had developed an unspeakable bond, and had devoted their time and energy and their love to the rest of us, just as their husbands would have wanted. They became true matriarchs, caring for everyone while masking their grief. And with a grandchild on the way, Sue was getting some of her old spark back.

We all worried about Esme. Edward kept a careful eye on her, listening for any indications of how she once was in her human life. He knew her before she was turned, and knew how easy depression worked its way in and swallowed her up. Even though the light seldom reached her eyes these days, she was not who she used to be. I helped her when I could, but most of the time she didn't want her feelings manufactured. She wanted to keep what was hers and sometimes her grief was all she had. We often caught her clutching the stone that rested between her breasts, and the yearning in her eyes was evident to everyone, but she was not that fragile woman any more. Despite her heartache, she was strong for all of us.

To save me from her emotions, and spare me her sadness, she moved in to the house at the compound with Rosalie and Emmett. It wasn't permanent, it was just easier for me and Edward. Our family wasn't broken; we were healing however we thought was best. Emmett took pride in being a guardian of the compound along with the wolves. He found a sense of purpose again, and when Rosalie resumed her teaching, he'd been dubbed "Uncle Em" by the children. They regularly sought him out for rides and laughter, and anything else a patient uncle was responsible for. Life, for the most part, took on some normalcy.

It was different for Edward and Bella. Alice and I stayed with them at the house, and between the two of us we did what we could to lift Bella's spirits knowing Edward couldn't do it alone. Bella still hadn't forgiven herself for not saving Carlisle. I'm not sure if she ever will. Her sadness is crippling at times, and at other times, it's her anger that triumphs over her emotions.

There are times when Bella has the same vacant look veteran soldiers have, ones who are lost in the battles of their mind. What she's seen, what she's done—we have that in common, but I've had centuries to come to terms with what I did. She suffered two great losses, and the only life she'd ever known was gone. She was going to have to adapt again, but the family was here this time, and there wasn't one of us who wouldn't lay down their life for her. What she did that day, she's never been able to recreate, and maybe it's a blessing. Maybe it was Carlisle's hand that day on the field, none of us really knew. Her only saving grace seemed to be Edward. Even I can't manipulate her the way one touch from him can.

They keep to themselves a lot, going off on their own for extended periods. Although they never say where they go, I am sure they spend most of their time at the cabin in Montana. Each time they return, their souls seem a little more at peace.

It was a simple wedding ceremony between the two of them. They didn't want a large celebration and for once, Alice complied with their wishes. Alice loved Charlie, but she loved his daughter more. She respected her mourning so, instead, she threw her efforts into Leah and her impending nuptials.

"Alice sent you to find me?" I asked. She wouldn't send Leah unless there was a reason for it. And with Alice...there was always a reason. "Where is she?"

"She _was_ with her bees, making honey, but I imagine by now she's right where she needs to be and you're supposed to be there with her."

"You're starting to sound like Billy. I'm an empath not a mind reader."

"It's time," Leah said, and at the mention of those two words, Seth's head perked up from the microphone. We both smiled knowing what Leah had meant. "Go," she said, "I'll keep him company." Leah nodded her head toward her brother who was grinning like a fool. If he could man the radio twenty-four hours a day, he would have. He was persistent and eager, and the man—for that's what he was now—was also on a mission. Charlie's death had hit him hard, harder than anyone else, and he had vowed not to rest until the Volturi were ashes.

With the death of Charlie and the help of Sam, the people of the community began to respect Seth and his enthusiasm. It was no surprise when he had taken on the duty of finding settlements like ours. Together with Tanya, Eleazar and Carmen, they sought out humans who could benefit from our help. Famine and plague were still rife in some of the districts. And while our walls were colored in bright greens and blues, and crimson reds, outside of here, the world was still painted grey. Seth was intent on teaching those who wished to learn how to make some necessary changes. Working with the boys and their knowledge of alternative energy, it turned out Seth was destined for more than what was behind these walls. And if his travels had the potential to find him a wife, his mother was happy to let him leave the sanctuary of the compound.

Both Charlie and Carlisle had left their legacies in capable hands. Along with Jacob, Seth and Edward had become the inherent leaders of the settlement.

Edward was reluctant to take the leadership role Carlisle had held for so long, but before he even realized it was happening we were looking to him for guidance. It was a natural progression, having already done it in Chicago, and he was a natural leader. On the outside, Edward still looked like a teenager, but inside he held the strength of Emmett, the tenacity of Rosalie, Alice's insight, and my sensibility. He carried the compassion and wisdom of both Esme and Carlisle. It had taken the death of a great man to show Edward he was more than capable of being the man Carlisle had always wanted him to be.

I looked out the window of the tower to the gates, but there was nothing to see. Whatever or whoever had come were already hidden from view. I didn't have the patience for the ladder and jumped to the ground instead. Alice wasn't far; I could hear her on the other side of the bunker. I didn't run, walking instead while contemplating what this day meant for our future. It's been difficult without Carlisle's compassionate guidance and friendship. I miss his quietude. I know what he would expect of me, and I'm grateful to him for my life. He made me a better man, made me respect myself and all I can do is carry his legacy with me.

As I turned the corner, I was met by Alice and what was left of the rest of my family. We were battle scarred and weary, but no longer defeated. There was light and hope in their eyes and in their hearts. Violence was still very much a part of our lives. This is how it was now. It was our war and we wouldn't rest until the world was right again and we could once again live a life of peace. My family would no longer live in the shadows watching history go by. We would be a part of it.

This was our home, and it would be for many years to come.

"Are we ready?" Alice asked.

"This is it," Bella said.

"The first of many," Edward said, kissing her. I felt Bella's sadness if only for a moment. It quickly turned to joy, but deep down it was still there. I think it always would be. I helped her to smile and lightened the weight. There was enough of it go around, I could do that for her, at least.

"Look at those fools hoping for women." Emmett nodded toward the catwalk near the gate where Newton, Tyler and Eric were pointing and waving.

"Are there any children?" Rosalie asked.

"Let's go find out and welcome them home," Esme said. She stood tall with her shoulders straight, and she reminded me of Carlisle. She was carrying him with her today.

The seven of us walked to the front gate, hand in hand. We could have run, been there in seconds, and I'm not sure why we walked, maybe it was our own affinity for a freedom we had almost lost. It felt right, whatever it was I passed it along to everyone.

Jacob and the wolves joined us, as did Ben and Angela and few of the other humans. Vampire, wolf, human, the new way of the world was here.

We stood at the gates, waiting patiently while they opened. On the other side, there were a handful of people, seventeen by my count. They were exhausted, with worn out faces, and their expressions were blank, not sure what to expect. I felt their fear mixed with trepidation, and I sent them a wave of calming emotions. They'd been travelling for a long time, some no longer wore shoes on their feet, and their clothes were worn right through. But they were alive, and now they were safe. There was a whole world of possibilities for them inside these gates, and they had no idea what was in store for them.

At the front of the group, towering over the humans, stood Garrett and Kate holding hands and smiling.

"We found 'em, Tex," Garrett said, tipping his head my way.

Beside him were two very familiar faces. Around the neck of the young one, hung a brass compass we all recognized.

Alice could no longer contain herself and broke free from my arms. Rushing up to them, she hugged them both, surprising them with her enthusiasm.

"You've kept us waiting," she said.

"Abigail, Christopher," I said, extending my hand, "welcome to Hope."

**.  
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**  
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****-:- THE END -:-** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A HUGE thank you to N and H. Without their patience and support, I would have given up in the first few months. Instead their guidance & friendship allowed what I thought would be a quick apocalyptic fic turn into this epic 3 1/2 year journey. Also, thank you to everyone who stayed with me to the end and sent such encouraging words and advice. 
> 
> We're here because we all share a connection, and I 'hope' we are kind to each other as we navigate these fandoms reading and writing all of these amazing stories. I wish you nothing but the best of luck in all that you do. Thank you for reading.
> 
> And with that…I bid you farewell…for now.


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